I Sing the Bicycle Electric

05.8.2007 | 5:13 am

A Note from Fatty: Thanks, everyone, for your votes yesterday, and thanks even more for your comments. Here’s what I’m thinking:

  • We’ll definitely do a jersey.
  • Considering the number of votes, the color of the jersey, and the fact that the money from this will go toward fighting breast cancer, we should have a women’s-sized version of the jersey.
  • We will tweak the design slightly from the mockup in yesterday’s post.

The Twin Six guys and I are working on it and will have something to show soon, along with info on how to order.

Plus, don’t be surprised if you can round out your look with matching socks.

OK, on to today’s post. This one’s a special request. Mine. I asked my friend Bob (of Bob’s Top 5 and Random Reviewer fame, now blogging without the constraint of a theme at Bob’s Web Log) to describe what it’s like to own and ride — in public! — an electric bike.

I Sing the Bicycle Electric
Fatty may have a large fleet of bikes – two road bikes, a mountain bike that folds up to fit in a suitcase, a single-speed, and one of those fixed-gear bikes that you ride in a velodrome – but does he have an electric bike? I don’t think so. For that matter, Botched, Brad, Kenny, dug, Rick Sunderlage (not his real name), and the rest of Fatty’s riding buddies have this in common – they fail to own an electric bike.

I have one.

I know what you’re thinking. You admire me. That’s perfectly natural, as long as you don’t get carried away with your envy and try to negotiate by violence.

I know what else you’re thinking: How does an electric bike work? It’s elegant in its simplicity. First off, this is not a moped – an electric bike cannot propel itself. It helps to imagine a bike with an enclosed drive train that houses magic ferrets. When you start pedaling, the ferrets are shocked into action, and they begin running on their little treadmill that generates extra power. The 5-speed bike includes 3 self-explanatory battery settings, which I’ll explain parenthetically: Off (no power), On (full power), and Lo (econo-mode).

If you’re riding on a flat street, you can cruise along at 13-14 mph for about 3 hours with minimal effort. If you weigh 300 pounds, you could ride 5 miles on a flat surface without breaking a sweat. If you’re going up a steep hill, you have to put in a little more effort — but not much more — and you can climb faster than all but the strongest riders. In fact, it’s kind of embarrassing to ride up past decked out roadies over the West Seattle Bridge, especially when you’re wearing overalls and carrying a parasol, like Mary Poppins.

Next question: How is the electric bike helping you, Bob, to train for the 100-mile mountain bike race in Leadville? Answer: It’s not. Riding the electric bike 10 miles to work gives me about the same amount of exercise as going on a brisk 20-minute walk. But when I’m getting over a cold, or when I’m physically drained from having had vigorous sex with a batch of wood nymphs, the electric bike is a nice commuter alternative.


  • You can’t go much faster than 15 mph. Once you hit 17 mph, the battery automatically stops generating power, for safety reasons.
  • The bike isn’t built for aggressive pedaling. If you’re nearing a green light that’s about to turn yellow, you don’t really have the option of accelerating. And if you want to push it really hard going up hill, you just end up riding past your power supply, if that makes sense. But there’s more to the fact that you can’t go fast. I get the feeling that if I mash the pedals really hard, I’m going to break something.
  • Maintenance may be a problem. I work close to a store in Seattle that sells nothing but electric bikes, so whenever there’s a problem – like when I mash the pedals too hard and break something – I can just take it into the shop. I’m not sure what I’d do if I lived in a place like Utah, other than complain about liquor laws.
  • If you’re on a hilly ride, the battery lasts only about 90 minutes. I have to bring the charger with me to work so that I don’t lose power on the way back.
  • There’s something odd about riding an electric bike. You feel goofy and other-worldly.


  • Comfortable and easy to ride, like a beach cruiser.
  • Excellent commuter bike for someone who wants a mild workout without having to take a shower.
  • Good “gateway” bike that can help your out-of-shape friend or spouse get addicted to a stronger bike.
  • The roadies don’t acknowledge you. No head tilt, no hand wave, not even a finger wave. The homeless guy with the shawl made from a sleeping bag will wave at you, but he waves at everyone.
  • There’s something cool about being on an electric bike. You feel pampered and other-worldly.


  1. Comment by msk | 05.8.2007 | 5:52 am

    so do you think this “other-worldyness” you are experiencing is accounting for all the XXX wood nymph action you are getting?

    if so where can i buy one of these amazing machines

    my loins are all a tingle in anticipation

  2. Comment by Lins - Australia | 05.8.2007 | 6:02 am

    Why didn’t you pick the red one? It goes faster.

  3. Comment by cheapie | 05.8.2007 | 6:10 am

    fatty…i’d be more inclined to buy a pink jersey if the money went toward curing YOUR wife’s cancer. i’m sure the meds and everything will be uber expensive and i already support “cancer survivors” in other ways. it would be cool if we could use this jersey to support your family’s battle with the disease, not someone we don’t know. you would probably feel weird doing so but i’ll bet most of the people here would like to make your life easier by helping to make sure concerns over paying for expensive meds/treatment don’t put an additional strain on your already stressful life.

    jmho of course!

  4. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 05.8.2007 | 6:31 am

    And I thought commuting via rollar-blades was as embarassing as commuting could be. Bob, thanks for expanding my world-view!

  5. Comment by buckythedonkey | 05.8.2007 | 6:35 am

    Dear, dear cheapie, whoever you are, you are so very right.

    Elden, please take our money and spend it on your fight, the bigger fight, whatever you see fit. I trust you to do the right thing.

    Oh, and allow the option of over-paying. The current Dollar-to-Pound rate makes your jerseys (and matching socks) a bloody steal.

  6. Comment by Weean | 05.8.2007 | 6:37 am

    So this electronic marvel won’t let you go faster than 17mph? “I’m sorry, Dave….”

  7. Comment by James | 05.8.2007 | 6:51 am

    The fat cyclist has style. The fat lazy cyclist has little style! You are not going to start a craze.

  8. Comment by Windbreak | 05.8.2007 | 6:51 am

    On my daily drive to work I see 2 of these bikes on the road. I’ve talked to the owner of one of them. Weather permitting, he rides the bike to work 5 days a week and also does incidental grocery shopping as well. He was very overweight and has shed over 40 lbs in the last year. I’ve thought about one myself but my commute is 20 miles one way and might be at the limits of the battery.

  9. Comment by MTB W | 05.8.2007 | 7:19 am

    Bob, you are right, of course. We are admiring you (good thing you didn’t notice that we were laughing at you behind your back). Actually, I wish these bikes were marketing more to the general public. When gas prices hit $4 this summer, maybe the general public will start to seriously look at alternatives. Wouldn’t it be great if one day a week (every week) this summer, everyone rode a bike (Ok, maybe electric bikes too) to work – bet the oil companies wouldn’t like that.

    Thanks for the funny post! It’s good to be able to inject some humor into fatty’s life.

  10. Comment by MTB W | 05.8.2007 | 7:21 am

    Maybe the wood nymphs are attracted to your stylin’ electric bike.

  11. Comment by Sprocketboy | 05.8.2007 | 7:24 am

    Some people came to my office wanting to sell an electric bike for military/policy uses. Of course I had to try it and we all rode it up and down the hall for a few minutes. You did not have to pedal this to get it going, but you would pedal most of the time to conserve the battery. It was smooth and silent and fun, but nothing really like a bicycle except the you need to balance on two wheels. I think it weighed as much as all seven of my bikes combined but we did not hit any doors or walls. Cost-wise, I think it was about one-third of the price of a Segway.

    The salespeople mentioned nothing about wood nymphs, nor did their literature include “artistic” illustrations—nudge, nudge, wink, wink– in this direction.

  12. Comment by Al Maviva | 05.8.2007 | 7:32 am

    Bob, wood nymphs? I can understand people who are waaay overweight riding this, or people with disabilities riding it, but when it comes to an able bodied man riding such an atrocity, the only wood nymph allusion that is appropriate involves too-generously proportioned wood nymphs. Yes, they may be lots of fun to ride, but if your friends see you on that thing…

    It is an ungodly hybrid, like a horse, crossed with a donkey, mated with a clone of Satan, if Satan had suffered from evil-related horrifyingly unsightly birth defects and follow-on disfiguring diseases, like leprosy piled atop Elephant Man’s Disease, and facial saddle sores. Had the Supreme Court not invalidated state laws penalizing Crimes Against Nature in Lawrence v. Texas, you’d be meeting your new cellmate, Tiny, as we speak, and preparing to take “prison wedding vows.” If this thing appeared on The Sopranos, Tony would have it shot and buried in a shallow grave in the Adirondacks, and then they’d make jokes about it at the Bada Bing Club. And rightfully so. It is an abomination in the eyes of man and God, and the minor pagan deities, demons, and lesser angels don’t think much of it either. You know why you don’t get waves from Roadies? Because your mere presence on that thing is so embarrassing, that it puts off waves of mortification that cripple the rest of the cycling community. They don’t wave because the embarrassment you should be suffering from has apparently missed you, and hit them, and it is so powerful and overwhelming that they can’t lift their arms. And if you have done something that succeeds at embarrassing a 45 year old fat dude wearing Nalini Discovery kit, on an $8000 UCI ProTour-issue team bike, you have discovered a level of embarrassing behavior strong enough to be used as an industrial solvent and paint thinner. Really. It could melt steel. Putting a motor on a bicycle is so depraved, that it makes recumbents look almost socially acceptable.*

    You know, they make two wheelers that you can ride without pedaling. They are called “motorcycles.” You ought to look into one. Your friends, such as you have left after admitting you pilot The Abomination, would be slightly less embarrassed to admit they know you. I can only leave you with the wise words of Charlton Heston: “Get your hands off me, you damn dirty electrical bicycle rider!”

    * The sole exception to the motors-on-bicycle rules involves Dernys used in track racing. There, the fat guys on fixed gears need an even fatter guy on a Derny to help them get up to speed. Come to think of it, that’s sort of embarassing too. But it’s not as bad as this.

  13. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 05.8.2007 | 7:37 am

    I think Cheapie and Buckythedonkey are on to something.

    Maybe the Fatty Fundâ„¢ could recieve more than $5 for bracelet supplies, but divert more $$ for prescription co-pays, gas money, and flights to see a specialist. etc.


  14. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 05.8.2007 | 7:50 am

    Oh, and nice sell on the electric bike Bob! So where does the electric bike fall, above or below triathletes and recumbants?


  15. Comment by Aaron | 05.8.2007 | 8:14 am

    On an unrelated note, I can’t wait to see what fatty comes up with for this whole Basso thing. Or maybe Basso is just making it too easy.

  16. Comment by Brewinman | 05.8.2007 | 8:18 am

    Bitter-These bikes make triathletes and recumbent riders seem like members of your family!

  17. Comment by Brewinman | 05.8.2007 | 8:22 am

    Fatty-Seriously consider the suggestion posted by cheapie. I think you would be pleasantly surprised at the response you would get. I, for one, would be much happier knowing my jersey money was going to help Mrs. FC. I already support cancer research in general. BTW, any plans for more regular XL FC jerseys? I didn’t get my pre-order in on time.

  18. Comment by bikemike | 05.8.2007 | 8:37 am

    Al Maviva is a master wordsmith. I wouldn’t know how to string that many words together at one time if my life depended on it. Hats off to you good sir.

    Bob, the Giant is one sweet bike. i’ve sold a few in my shop. It helps being in flat Florida, more bang for the buck on battery life.
    Wait til gas gets above $4.00 per gallon, you’ll be the envy of all. Just like Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang.

    Fatty, think about one of these for Susan for her recovery.

    We love you guys. Hope the little ones are getting all the support they need.

  19. Comment by mocougfan | 05.8.2007 | 8:51 am

    I agree with the common sentiment that I feel very close to you and your wife right now and would like to help your family specifically. I do support other causes, but I would also like to help you somehow. Maybe another smart blogger has a good idea of how to do this so Fatty et all doesn’t have to spend excess time and energy on it. Just a thought.

  20. Comment by mocougfan | 05.8.2007 | 8:56 am

    BTW… Al did you have an opinion on the subject? I wasn’t really clear.

  21. Comment by MTB W | 05.8.2007 | 9:03 am

    FC, why not raise the price of the jerseys by some appropriate amount, such as by $15/20, so that Susan can still have $5/jersey for her jewelry, $15-20/jersey goes to the FC family fund, and the other portion you already designated goes to cancer research.

    You don’t have to do anything extra, Team Fatty is getting the chance to help both you personally and to provide funds for cancer research and gets a jersey in return. In any event, the jerseys are worth the extra money and this is nothing more than compensation for your time and effort in getting this arranged. Win Win for all.

  22. Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 05.8.2007 | 9:03 am

    there has to be a way to fix the governor on that thing and set it at 30mph rather than 17mph. Seems a bit slow, even for you.

  23. Comment by Amy | 05.8.2007 | 9:19 am

    I have to read it again. I’m still recovering from “magic ferrets.”

  24. Comment by MAJ Mike | 05.8.2007 | 9:44 am

    No way you get a luxury body riding one of those. Just no way…

    …although apparently it is mighty hard to get one on a regular bike, too.

  25. Comment by dug | 05.8.2007 | 9:56 am

    bob is not a bit tamed, he too is untranslatable, he sounds his barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world.

    ride on bob. nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

  26. Comment by wndnh2o | 05.8.2007 | 9:59 am

    Wood Nymphs ??? I would have pictured you more like Posiedon’s daughter kinda guy!

  27. Comment by BIKEMIKE | 05.8.2007 | 10:03 am

    wood nymphs, magic ferrets, latin, holy crap.

  28. Comment by LanterneRouge | 05.8.2007 | 10:55 am

    I’m guessing this wood nymph sex thing is based on anecdotal evidence and not something you’ve actually experienced. After all Bob, you are riding an electric bike.

    I am in full agreement with cheapie and mocougfan. As I said the other day before being berated by Al M, set up a paypal type account so that we can fund the Fatty Family fund directly. I would much rather have 100% of my support go directly to Susan and Fatty than get a jersey for me and them only getting 10% to 25% of it.

  29. Comment by Al Maviva | 05.8.2007 | 11:16 am

    LR, I only berate you because I don’t know how to talk to humans other than to berate them. Anything that supports Fatty and Susan right now is good with me, I was only berating you because I felt we need to take a stand for people who abuse male riders who wear pink, whether for aesthetic reasons, or due to the whole Fear-of-Brokebike-Mountain thing. Look used to wear pink, T-Mobile still does, and don’t forget the formidable Team Lampre-Fondital. I will be proud to wear the pink, and not only because it will give me opportunities to berate people who mock my masculinity for wearing pink.

    As for you Bob, it occurred to me I may have been overly harsh. Sorry to go on like that. What I meant to say was, “I think you inadvertantly cross posted from here: http://www.mopedarmy.com/forums/discuss/1/.

  30. Comment by mark | 05.8.2007 | 11:24 am

    What if we were to set up a fatty/Susan cancer fund as part of the jersey sales? That way, when we pay for the jerseys, we can designate an additional amount (over and above the jersey revenue) to go directly to the family. Fatty can choose to use it as needed to pay for medications, travel, gifts for the kids, and other related needs. If he doesn’t need all of it, he can donate what’s left to a cause of his choice.

    As a side note, is there anyone interested in traveling to Utah for a “fatty classic” as a demonstration of unity? I’m thinking we either do a road ride like up Provo Canyon to Alpine Loop, down American Fork Canyon, up over Suncrest, and then up to Snowbird. Or we could do a MTB ride in Big Cottonwood, Millcreek, or AF canyons. I think it would be a lot of fun, a good chance to meet some of the names on this block, and a great way to support the FC family. What do y’all think?

  31. Comment by Softie | 05.8.2007 | 11:39 am

    Sorry, that electric bike is the coolest thing ever for commuters who don’t have showers at work. I can’t bike commute for about 100 reasons, but one of them is that I’d have to do a mile-and-a-half hillclimb to get there without showers at the other end. If I’d've known about these, I’d totally have wanted one.

    And how is this any more emasculating than a bicycle saddle to begin with?

  32. Comment by TimK | 05.8.2007 | 12:43 pm

    Do you require an electrical assist to take care of the wood nymphs as well?

    Do they come in tandem? If so, this would be totally usable to keep your kids straight. “Joey, you better behave yourself or I am going to pick you up from school on ‘the ‘lectric bike.”

    Fatty, I’m in agreement with the folks who want to make the Pink Jersey a more personal thing – you are blessed with friends who are anxious to be helpful in this time. Take us up on it.

    Ride on.

  33. Comment by MTB W | 05.8.2007 | 1:40 pm

    mark, I like the idea.

  34. Comment by Bob | 05.8.2007 | 2:29 pm

    Lin – I didn’t pick the red bike because red bikes are for pansies.

    MTB W – Actually, the wood nymphs are attracted to my Segway.

    Al – Correct me if I’m wrong, but you appear to be suggesting that riding a normal bike is a manly behavior whereas riding an electric bike is for sissies. Look, riding a bike in general is for children and sissies. Quick, name a popular song about bicycling. Now tell me who sings it? Exactly. Freddie Mercury. Oh, that’s not enough for you? Watch what happens when cyclists — professional athletes, mind you — get angry with each other (I heard they were arguing about Time versus Speedplay pedals):


    How long do you think those guys could hit each other before one of them got a bruise? Or how about this cyclist who pushes over another cyclist:


    I’m not sure who’s a bigger sissy: the guy who gets knocked down and doesn’t get up, or the guy who lets himself get thrown over the bridge by someone who looks like he should be riding an electric bike. (I don’t want to undercut my own argument, but that bridge clip seemed staged.)

    Have you ever seen someone riding an electric bike fight like my drunken sister or get thrown off a bridge without fighting back? Me neither. Ergo, it follows that riding an electric bike is more manly than riding a road bike.

  35. Comment by Born4Lycra | 05.8.2007 | 3:01 pm

    Bob – Freddy Mercury did okay with the Wood Nymphs by all accounts (and the garden gnomes, hobgoblins, fairies etc) anyhow it was not so much the song but the film clip that was popular.

  36. Comment by Stephanie | 05.8.2007 | 3:47 pm

    Hey!!! I was riding over the West Seattle Bridge and saw some guy on an electric bike…. that and the guy who has a yellow bubble that surrounds his bike. Speaking of biking… i’m going to stop procrastinating at work and bike home right now.

  37. Comment by Kelly | 05.8.2007 | 4:30 pm

    I think this sounds like a wonderful thing. Especially for those of us with health problems and being over weight. More power to you. With this bike you should be able to get lots of people to support the breast cancer awareness.

  38. Comment by Wheels | 05.8.2007 | 6:14 pm

    Bob, thanks for driving home your point with the “fighting” cyclists. I’m peeing my pants (which is somewhat emasculating… unless you’re a very serious cyclist on a long ride…. hmmm… I think you’re onto something.)

  39. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 05.8.2007 | 8:57 pm

    Bob, I love you.

  40. Comment by Tim D | 05.9.2007 | 1:20 am

    Al, you missed the Predictor-Lotto pregnancy test kit pink. If that isn’t manly, I don’t know what is.

  41. Comment by Al Maviva | 05.9.2007 | 5:50 am

    Dude, language. There are electric bike riders around here.

    Bob, I’ll get right down to the brass tacks. It’s not about being manly, or un-manly… it’s about freakish. Y’know how some poor kids have to wear a hockey helmet all the time due to some mental and physical health issues? Riding this bike when you hold yourself out as an endurance racer, and you could actually be pedaling at a recovery pace (you’ve heard of that, right?), is like wearing a hockey helmet around town, for fun. It’s not about manly. It’s about weird. I don’t know whether you are being weird and serious, or being sly and snarky, making fun of people who ride mopeds and who ride trikes due to balance issues, etc, and riding this thing ironically. You’re scaring me.

    As for cyclists fighting… well, you can produce some lame videos, but a fairly huge drunk redneck in my neighborhood who aimed his truck at a group ride was put into the hospital last summer, by a guy who could best be described as a pure climber. And for further discussion of non-humorist cyclist fighting… well, I’m exhibit one, but I’d rather not discuss it in writing. A few guys I race with are also not to be taken lightly in finger-throwing exercises…

  42. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 05.9.2007 | 6:27 am

    It’s late but I got tell somebody so you lot are it. Cycling home tonight along a very busy main road here in Adelaide I collided with an Alpaca!! No damage just a lot of shock and gobsmackedness on my part. I call it collided the thing was running across the road and decided the space I was occupying was the best place to be. I had actually stopped and it was almost stopped when it just bumped me on my right thigh (they do have these rather funny flat horns)stepped back then darted forward knocking my front wheel around before it ran on to a recently cleared building block. No damage to the bike, me or the Alpaca as I left it was grazing up the back of this block and two blokes were slowly sneaking up on it with harnesses etc.

  43. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 05.9.2007 | 7:34 am

    Born 4 — Either you are perpetrating a very funny joke, or you have just consumated a Dickinsian coincidence. You may or may not know that Bob is the only person I’ve ever heard of that has been hit by a deer while cycling.

    Go ahead and ask Bob about it. He loves to tell the story.

  44. Comment by Anonymous | 05.9.2007 | 7:35 am

    I started a thread in the forum to get your ideas on helping Eldon: http://www.fatcyclist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=548 It would be helpful if some folks that know him IRL would leave some comments

  45. Comment by cheapie | 05.9.2007 | 7:35 am

    sorry forgot to leave my name

  46. Comment by Bob | 05.9.2007 | 9:05 am

    Mr. Maviva, I’m still not convinced. Riding an electric bike isn’t any more freakish than riding a road bike. That’s like someone on a scooter making fun of a roller blader propelling himself with ski poles, or a guy on a Vespa making fun of me for riding my Segway on the freeway. So what if I’m wearing a pinwheel hat? Does that make me a freak? When an electric cyclist falls, does he not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? And if you wrong us, do we not seek revenge?

    Listen, Captain Happy, I know you’re emotionally vested in cycling, so you may not be able to distance yourself from the sport to get the right perspective. But just imagine you’ve moved here from a faraway place, like Denver, and someone wants you to get into the manly, non-freakish sport of cycling without electrical assistance. You’re directed here:


    I don’t know about you, but I’d rather wear a hockey helmet in a grocery store than hop on my bike in that red jumpsuit.

  47. Comment by mocougfan | 05.9.2007 | 9:23 am

    Bob and Al. You two are seriously entertaining me. Thanks you. Please feel free to continue.

  48. Comment by Stan | 05.9.2007 | 9:35 am

    On a related note: When are the regular jerseys coming out?

  49. Comment by swimmin' @ sealevel | 05.9.2007 | 10:06 am

    Joining in on the fun. . . I think a fatty classic sounds like a fabulous excuse to visit Utah. However, I think I have driven Suncrest. If it is the road I am thinking of, climbing it at your altitude would probably kill me. Make sure you include a stretch for those of us that were attracted to this website by the word “fat” as much as by the word “cyclist.”

    Mr.Fatty. Your blog has entertained me for over a year. This situation that is currently plaguing your family has broken my heart. Add my heartfelt wishes to the many others that you have already received.

    Bob. That clip of the two cyclists fighting is the funniest thing I have seen all week. Thanks for the laugh.

  50. Comment by Al Maviva | 05.9.2007 | 10:51 am

    Oh, man. Now you whip out the Assos accusations on me. Them’s fightin’ words.

    Do you really think I’m an Assos man? It’s like you don’t even know me any more.

    I’m inclined to throw off my worsted kangaroo-leather gel palm gloves, stand awkwardly on my carbon-soled shoes and Speedplay cleats, take a swig of Accellerade, and then swing clumsily at you like a baseball pitcher in a bench clearing brawl. “Don’t hit the left arm, not the left armmmmmm…”

    You should know, Bob, I’m a Castelli guy through and through. Good enough for Fausto, good enough for me. But that’s only because Jose Cuervo don’t make no bike shorts.

    As for your questions, Bob, no, wearing a pinwheel hat does not make you a freak. But being a freak makes you wear a pinwheel hat, and it makes the rest of us take notice of the fact. Similarly, you shouldn’t take it out on me just because people on Vespas make fun of you for riding your Segway on the dual carriageway. Tell me though… do you spin the pinwheel on your own, or do you use batteries for that, too?

    Ps. Vespas are now, and have always been, the *height* of good taste and high fashion. That you group them with Segways and electric bicycles tells me you are suffering from a probably-fatal case of Taste Inversion. I suggest you seek help immediately, preferably by throwing yourself at the feet of an Italian supermodel, and begging her, “teach me, momma… teach me.” In all likelihood she will stomp on your back in her high heels and puncture a few holes in your spleen before walking off haughtily, but that may be lesson enough to set you straight.

    Pps. Assos gear is really, really comfortable. I mean, insanely comfortable. It feels better than being naked, unless you’re naked someplace really cool. That guy in the red jump suit is probably supposed to be modeling their summer line. But he’s so comfortable in the silly looking jumpsuit, he can’t bring himself to drop trou to pee, much less change into the summer shorts & jersey. Other than the *ridiculously stupid* marketing and Argentinian GDP prices, I am happy to grudgingly admit Assos gear is the shizzle. I would wear it but probably scratch out the Assos logo and pencil in “Nashbar,” just to avoid abuse. I probably wouldn’t get it all in bright red, but hey, who am I to make fun of somebody for their taste in gear?

  51. Comment by barry1021 | 05.9.2007 | 11:39 am

    Cheapie-great germ of an idea that grows throughout the thread–what a great freakin’ community this is. FC, I give lots to charity, I want to help directly–no matter how much of Susan’s treatment is covered, you don’t need any financial hit to go with the emotional and physical toll. Let us help.

    mocougfan–I think people are misinterpreting Al here-He thinks its pretty cool actually, you have to read between the lines. It’s kinda subtle.

    Born 4, shouldn’t you be suing somebody?? Seems like you should be getting a sweater out of the deal, at least. And is it me, or isn’t it somewhat ironic that someone with “lycra’ in his name gets hit by an alpaca?

    Stan: OK here’s the thing. A lot of great stuff gets offered here by FC as prizes or sold or given away. As far as I know, no one has actually received anything. Well that’s not true. FC HAS received stuff, the rest of us? Zippo. So when the time comes, just send in your money and stop asking such nosy and annoying questions. Nothing you can do, when it comes to accountability, FC is neck and neck with FEMA and the State of Massachusetts.

    (The preceding was a public service announcement–with the unfortunate situation at the FC household, he is receiving a lot of emphathy, sympathy, and all the other pathies. Once in a while, SOMEONE has to rip him, otherwise his scars will heal).

    Another example of sexy pink in cycling:

    I have no insight into the electric bike thing, but wood nymphs definitely interest me. I have actually had sex with them too. Well not exactly wood nymphs but wooden nymphs I bought on sale at the Home Depot Garden Center. Bought three of them. I would go into more detail but it would violate FC’s Code of Ethics on the Board; suffice it to say, I have gained a whole new appreciation of splinters tho.


  52. Comment by Bob | 05.9.2007 | 3:54 pm

    I have a Castelli pinwheel hat.

  53. Comment by Jo Jo Williams | 05.9.2007 | 9:25 pm

    You are so funny. I wish I could write like that!

  54. Comment by Trail Daisy | 05.12.2007 | 5:47 pm

    Fantastic laughs, thanks. Is there a formal ‘cyclist wave’ protocol, such as there are with say, jeeps? A heirarchy of who is required to wave first, being the lesser of the two rigs when they pass? If so, who waves first- the guy in the red jumpsuit or the one riding the electric bike? First time reader/poster who donates to various causes, but I’d totally love to send some cash FC way for his wife and family as a more specific and effective gift. Great idea.

  55. Comment by Wood Nymph | 05.12.2007 | 5:52 pm

    As a wood nymph, I deny the accussations that we have casual forrays with passer-bys, especially those riding electric bicycles (though we do admit to finding the segway embarrassingly appealing).

  56. Comment by Ian Hopper | 05.15.2007 | 1:51 am

    Dear lord, I haven’t laughed that much at a FC entry and comment session.. ever. I think I woke the whole family at least once while reading the comments (weel, it is 2 in the morning). I’m afraid to watch the videos.. I might get a hernia if I laugh any more. FWIW: my cargo bike has an electric assist called a Stokemonkey on it. I did without it for a long while, but riding a loaded cargo bike (sometimes exceeding 350 lbs (including 190lb rider) up a nearly 22 degree hill (at it’s steepest part) nearly killed me a few times, and I decided that I would could actually use the cargo bike in place of a car MORE if I got an electric assist. My favorite is passing the roadies with my kid and 60lbs of groceries going uphill.. them in spandex, me in carharts and workboots… the puzzled looks and occasional steam from the ears is worth every penny. The dork factor is high, but I revel in my geekery.. and the wood nymphs love the wooden battery box and footsies: it gives them a comfortable place to sit and rest after we’ve been having vigorous sex by the sea, making all of poseidon’s daughters jealous.

  57. Comment by www.electricbikesnscooters.com | 05.20.2007 | 12:44 pm

    Beautiful bike! Iwant one but I don’t know if I can afford one that is so cool. Anyway, great post!


  58. Comment by www.electricbikesnscooters.com | 05.20.2007 | 12:44 pm

    Beautiful bike! Iwant one but I don’t know if I can afford one that is so cool. Anyway, great post!


  59. Comment by beth | 11.23.2007 | 5:33 pm

    do you have a suggestion for an electric bike that can take a high rider weight? looked at some sites that had max 250. what could someone 280 ride?

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