The Difference Between Boys and Girls
My sister Kellene is staying at my house for a week, cleaning, cooking, chatting, and just generally making things awesome.
Yes, this is the same Kellene who had the most horrific mountain bike wreck I’ve ever heard of.
Well, Kellene loves mountain biking as much as I do. Like me, she loves to go on biking trips with her friends. Like me, she likes to get photos of the trips.
Not too different, right?
So a couple nights ago, Kellene turned on her computer and showed me some photos from her recent trips.
As it turns out, we’re considerably different.
Level Set
Just for comparison’s sake, here are a few photos I have taken while out riding with my friends. First, here’s one of my best pictures ever: BotchedExperiment jumping a crevice.
Now here’s Rick Sunderlage (not his real name) climbing a sandy ledge.
And here’s Bob, wiping out on that sandy ledge.
And here’s a group photo.
As you can see, we’re very close.
Cover Girls
OK, now let’s take a look at some of Kellene’s pictures. Here’s a nice posed shot in Moab.
And here’s another nice posed shot in Moab. Kellene’s the one on the left, by the way. Debbie — the one on the right — went to high school the same time I did. I was captain of the speech team (yes, really); she was cute and popular. It’s safe to say that we didn’t run in the same circles. Kinda weird that she and my sister are best friends now and that we all dig biking.
Or at least, I assume we all dig biking. So far I haven’t seen any evidence of actual bicycles being ridden by actual people in these photos.
Oh, and here’s another nice pose. Can you tell which of these women is ~60 years old?
Oh, look: there’s actually a bike in this next shot. Oh, never mind. It’s just a prop.
And here’s a nice posed shot from a trip to Vail they took. If I were to propose to my riding friends that we do a similar shot, I would have my teeth kicked in. And rightly so.
I know you’re going to find this hard to believe, but here’s another posed shot.
And another.
Holy smokes. Do these girls even bring bikes on these trips?
Oh, this is nice. They’re rescuing someone’s truck. Try to imagine this scenario, if you can. You’re a guy and your fancy-pants 4-wheeler is stuck. A bunch of women come by on bikes and ask you if they can take some pictures of them acting like they’re pulling your truck up. What do you say?
Well, if it’s my sister who asks, you say “yes.” Nobody can refuse her. It’s her super power.
Hey, how about another nice posed shot?
“You know what would be cool?” I can imagine my sister saying. “It would be cool if we took all our bikes and hung them up on this dead tree and took pictures of us sitting around it.”
We’re from the same family. Only three years separating us (Kellene’s the first child, I’m the second). Same enjoyment of hanging out with a close group of friends. Same love of riding.
Totally. Different. Bike trips.
Comment by jill | 06.7.2007 | 8:55 am
Holy Cow. I almost sprayed coffee right out of my nose. Hilareous.
And what’s wrong with the heads-in-a-ring picture? A classic in chick pics. I have a few just like it.
Comment by Sprocketboy | 06.7.2007 | 8:55 am
This is odd. When I take pictures on my cycling trips, all you ever see is the bicycles. No people. Oh, and the scenery, I guess.
Comment by barry1021 | 06.7.2007 | 8:58 am
Stop making sarcastic comments and publish more pix, a lot more. Those wimmin folk are HOT!! In fact Kellene should start a cycling blog right away. Are you sure you’re not adopted? Just askin’.
b21
Comment by Brewinman | 06.7.2007 | 9:08 am
I know who I’d rather ride with…
Comment by Camille | 06.7.2007 | 9:21 am
My face hurts from laughing… thanks!
Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 06.7.2007 | 9:25 am
lol
Comment by Lisa B | 06.7.2007 | 9:35 am
Nothing against Dug, Rick, Botched, et al, but if your bike riding pals looked like Kellene’s, wouldn’t you take more posed shots, too?
Wait, why don’t you take some more posed shots of Kenny and his big guns??
Comment by Marge | 06.7.2007 | 9:43 am
I know all these awesome gals and I can testify they do ride bikes, more better than I could ever imagine riding. I would be in seventh heaven if i could be in one of these pictures. Maybe in the hearafter. I hike with your mom each Tues and she’s the greatest! I can keep up with her.
Comment by Boz | 06.7.2007 | 9:44 am
If I was the camera man for these shoots, I’d – no, I’ll leave this for Al M to elaborate on. I’d get banned.
Comment by fatty | 06.7.2007 | 9:45 am
b21 – are you saying you don’t find me as attractive as my sister? i’m hurt. i’m confident i’m not adopted, though, because i look almost exactly like my dad. except he has more hair.
lisa – i don’t publish more shots of kenny because kenny demands a model’s fee every time i take a picture of him.
brewinman – but how would you look as you tried to execute the straddle-a-crevice photo?
Comment by Brewinman | 06.7.2007 | 9:49 am
If I didn’t clean the crevice, the help would be much more attractive.
I’m just sayin’…
Comment by Brewinman | 06.7.2007 | 9:50 am
That really didn’t come out like I wanted it to.
Comment by Den | 06.7.2007 | 9:55 am
Nothing personal Elden but your sisters friends are way better looking than yours. Their shins are tanned too. Hmm, go figure…
Comment by LanterneRouge | 06.7.2007 | 9:58 am
Let’s see now, we have hot, toned biker chicks in form accentuating spandex versus fat, sweaty, hairy, middle aged men also, and to their eternal shame, in spandex. I pick door number one, Monty.
Comment by Al Maviva | 06.7.2007 | 10:00 am
You’re right, Fatty. It’s amazing.
Amazing that your sister and her friends are *so* much better looking than you and yours.
Kinda makes me wonder if there’s some staffing company that provides ueber-hot, male model-type postal, milk delivery, pool cleaning and plumbing workers in your neck of the woods – because I know you and your buddies can’t be from the same gene pool as your sister and her friends. It’s just not possible to have that level of genetic variation within two sets of genes.
And yes, I fully endorse you posting more pictures of your sis and her friends.
Comment by GeekCyclist | 06.7.2007 | 10:04 am
I am not entirely sure why, but this post totally cracked me up…
And I really needed it today.
Comment by Lisa B | 06.7.2007 | 10:07 am
Fatty – I’m sure your female readers would gladly get together to contribute to Kenny’s modeling fee. He earns it.
Comment by dug | 06.7.2007 | 10:17 am
i totally wanted to do that laying on the ground pinwheel shot last fall moab. can we please do this next year? it’ll be fun.
Comment by wndnh2o | 06.7.2007 | 10:20 am
Fatty its a female thing, that you boys would never understand.
Comment by Mrs. Coach | 06.7.2007 | 10:23 am
See, this is why i don’t ride my bike. Those women would kick my butt. Plus, there is no way i’d look that good in spandex.
Comment by Mike Roadie | 06.7.2007 | 10:27 am
Just came back from AMMBR in Lake Tahoe. We have a girl on the team who HAS to have her pink helmet to match the pink paint, pink bottles etc., and others who had to make sure the over layer would go with the short sleeved version. I don’t get it………never will.
I’m not sayin’…….I’m just sayin’……..
http://austin07.livestrong.org/mlevin
Comment by MAJ Mike | 06.7.2007 | 10:28 am
Somehow I suspect nobody ever “beats” anyone on these trips…
Comment by Jose | 06.7.2007 | 10:42 am
Hey your sister has stronger arms than you, not to mention the nicer looking quads and tanned shins.
Comment by slip | 06.7.2007 | 10:46 am
awesome. there is something odd about all of these, though….
oh. right. there is no beer in the photos.
Comment by hades | 06.7.2007 | 11:05 am
I have to say, there usually aren’t a lot of bikes or bike riding in our trip pictures either. This is probably because we are busy riding our bikes most of the time, not taking photos. Most of the pics are an afterthought in the parking lot as we’re putting stuff away – i.e. they’re usually of a couple of sweaty guys with the palest bodies and darkest arms you’ve ever seen changing shirts, or with a towel around their waist (not something you want to show anyone or post on a blog, certainly). But hey, some people need to rest in the middle of a ride and take pictures, I can dig it.
Comment by BotchedExperiment | 06.7.2007 | 11:11 am
They do kind of look like they’re having more fun than us. . . especially Bob.
dug, maybe this year at Fall Moab, instead of riding from move to move, we should come up with a set of picture locations and just ride from photo shoot to photo shoot. There’s a huge pot hole above the cave on slickrock, I think we should put the camera down in the hole and (after configuring ourselves into a circle) we can all stick our heads over the ledge. It’ll be SUPER CUTE!
Comment by KeepYerBag | 06.7.2007 | 11:20 am
I guess Kellene hasn’t heard of that little annoyance called AGING??
Comment by winner27 | 06.7.2007 | 11:30 am
You could learn a lot from Kellene and her friends – they all look awesome when out riding while you and your friends look like – um – the dog’s dinner. I mean that in the best possible way. Plus you have to admit that her pictures are way more fun.
Comment by barry1021 | 06.7.2007 | 11:36 am
What Al said, Fatty. You got the short end of the gene pool stick, whatever that means. And I cannot understand why Debbie didn’t dig you in high school. Were you still pole vaulting then? Hot, popular women tend to go crazy for pole vaulters. That and being captain of the speech team must have made you pretty damn irresistable, HA HA. No kidding the two of you “didn’t run in the same circles”, you were barely on the same planet.
b21
Pingback by Good stuff « notastute | 06.7.2007 | 11:43 am
[...] Good stuff Mountain biking shows us another difference between boys and girls. [...]
Comment by LMouse | 06.7.2007 | 12:04 pm
I’ve been a girl all my life and I’ve never experienced or even seen the likes of this. I’m speechless.
Comment by Bob | 06.7.2007 | 12:16 pm
I’m offended that so many commenters think the women are so much cuter than the men in these photos. Some of the women appear to be 1 to 3 pounds overweight.
Comment by Big Boned | 06.7.2007 | 12:29 pm
Fatty,
I think your sister should post a “guest column”. Sure she and her friends are cuter, probably faster, and more fun that you, but I doubt she can come up with anything as interesting as contemplating your pasty, white, lumpy shins…
BB
PS: 60???? I don’t believe it!
Comment by Bent022 | 06.7.2007 | 12:38 pm
Fatty, I personally prefer the action shots, especially of Rick S (nhrn) and Botched. Men of action are more interesting then posing women. I second Lisa B’s remark regarding a contribution towards Kenny’s modeling fee.
Comment by ronk | 06.7.2007 | 1:41 pm
I scared the office help laughing out loud! Can’t wait to have my wife read this.
Comment by barry1021 | 06.7.2007 | 1:43 pm
But in conclusion on this topic Fatty
I have to say, in the end, woman-wise
YOU DONE PRETTY DAMN WELL!!
Hit it out of the proverbial park, you did.
b21
Comment by Andrew | 06.7.2007 | 2:27 pm
Which ones are single!?
Comment by Andrew | 06.7.2007 | 2:28 pm
Which ones are single!?
Comment by Anonymous | 06.7.2007 | 2:50 pm
nothing like a good looking woman riding a bike! i do this tri-century every year and more than once i’ve see a set of good legs and looked up and thought, “whoops! i’m staring at a 50yo woman!”
Comment by cheapie | 06.7.2007 | 2:52 pm
dang…FF doesn’t always automatically put my name in. sorry.
Comment by LMouse | 06.7.2007 | 3:34 pm
Are they also all members of a synchronized swimming team? That would explain a lot.
Comment by Accident Prone | 06.7.2007 | 3:52 pm
Keh Nee. Keh Nee.
…I’d buy that one for a dollar.
Comment by Lins - Australia | 06.7.2007 | 3:53 pm
Yep I got to admit it’s great being a girl. I have many of the same sorts of photos including the pin wheel : in bikinis on the beach at Byron Bay during a bit of spare time in between matches at a tournamanet (left the boyfriends and husbands at home).
You should do a pin wheel photo because shins get excluded.
Comment by bikemike | 06.7.2007 | 4:05 pm
chicks on (or with) (or near) bikes, priceless!
can you still say chicks? oh, heck yeah, pretty chicks on pretty bikes(sort of).
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 06.7.2007 | 5:05 pm
Did anyone else notice that apart from very few shots of actual bikes, let alone bikes being ridden, there also wasn’t a single shot tainted by a grazed knee or a smudge of dirt?
May I introduce you to Elden “pasty shins” Nelson and his sister Kellene “teflon” Nelson.
Comment by hey,waitaminute | 06.7.2007 | 5:30 pm
I am usually a lurker. But I feel compelled to speak.
In defense of the biker babes (yes, that’s me, second from the left),
we may be more premeditated during our photo shoots, but keep in mind, somebody peddled in and out of all of those places (Porcupine Rim…..Gooseberry Mesa….Sovereign). We can and have….fixed a broken
hub (ball barings falling out in the dirt)….more than a few have finished a ride out without a seat (broken seat post) and we can change any flat in 5-10 minutes (tubless tires excluded….that’s a whole nuther story)
I have the chipped pink nail polish to prove it!
Comment by Amanda | 06.7.2007 | 7:58 pm
I’ve never once considered taking pictures on my bike trips, but I’m pretty sure that if I did they’d all end up a lot like your sisters’.
Maybe it’s a girl thing :)
Comment by Little1 | 06.7.2007 | 10:36 pm
HAA HAA, I can’t believe it… belive it because it’s true! Yup It’s a girl thing! Took a disposable camera on the Cape Argus cycle tour this year, all the pics I took are of us posing at the water tables, all the pics my Fiance took are of us riding and the bunch around us! go figure?
Comment by turnonthejets | 06.8.2007 | 4:19 am
Too funny! Great post! I lafed very much as the commenter asking if you’re not adopted! High comedy. Keep on keepin on!
Comment by Biker Babe Too | 06.8.2007 | 8:39 am
Elden, you forgot to mention the fact that Kellene is a professional photographer, which may have something to do with the shots being posed, creative and excessive (and believe me, there’s plenty more where these came from)! Note that Kellene is in most of them. So consider the fact that she either had to… a) set up the shot and then fly into her position in the rather complicated pose, or b) charm the spandex off some passersby to get them to take the shot so she could be in it. Either way, it’s impressive. But just because we are age defying beauties, does not mean we aren’t tough. I was with Kellene when she fell off the cliff, and I challenge any guy to take that fall and not only live to tell about it, but get back on his bike with a camera in camelback to take pictures of his new $35,000 smile!
If you want a really interesting discussion for your blog, ask Kellene about “Sporty Spice”!
Comment by Biker Babe Too | 06.8.2007 | 8:39 am
Elden, you forgot to mention the fact that Kellene is a professional photographer, which may have something to do with the shots being posed, creative and excessive (and believe me, there’s plenty more where these came from)! Note that Kellene is in most of them. So consider the fact that she either had to… a) set up the shot and then fly into her position in the rather complicated pose, or b) charm the spandex off some passersby to get them to take the shot so she could be in it. Either way, it’s impressive. But just because we are age defying beauties, does not mean we aren’t tough. I was with Kellene when she fell off the cliff, and I challenge any guy to take that fall and not only live to tell about it, but get back on his bike with a camera in camelback to take pictures of his new $35,000 smile!
If you want a really interesting discussion for your blog, ask Kellene about “Sporty Spice”!
Comment by Errorista | 06.8.2007 | 8:52 am
ha HA!!!
Where does a fifty-year-old mother of four get triceps like that??
You’re a credit to all women 50 years and over, Kellene.
(please don’t hit me when you see me next…)
Comment by Carla P | 06.8.2007 | 11:28 am
That was a great! Such cute girly pics! It was just what I needed to put a wonderful end to a not so wonderful week!
Thanks.
~:0)
Comment by friend from high school | 06.8.2007 | 1:38 pm
Hey Eldon, you never gave me the time of day in high school. it funny how life tuns out. Your sister is one of the greatest people i know.
Maybe you should invite her to go riding with you and you friends and you too could have cool pictures.
Our prayer are with you family.
Comment by friend from high school | 06.8.2007 | 1:55 pm
I forgot to mention that my husband was the captain of the chess team! :)
Comment by Susan (another one) | 06.8.2007 | 5:29 pm
I’m an over 50 chick and have nothing pink on my bike. It’s clear-coated carbon with attractive orange accents.
That’s why I have several orange jerseys.
& socks.
& bar tape.
& jacket.
& tires.
& there are these nifty orange cages I would like…
Comment by jessica | 06.9.2007 | 7:09 pm
great pics. fun.
Comment by Rocky | 06.9.2007 | 11:00 pm
These are silly, silly women on-ish bikes. There are countless stops for snacks, lunch, chats, laughter, etc. They have renamed most of the trails (for their own reference) to their liking, i.e. Eagles Nest = Contemplation Rock, Lemon Squeezers = Miramonte Canyon, etc. I never really know where they are. And the photos. I have seen countless, endless numbers of their photos, as one of my spousal obligations is to view them all.
I have proposed that they shoot just one more photo and then cut and paste different outfits onto their photo figures (much like paper dolls of back in the day – or the internet version of Dress a Barbie from the movie “Miss Congeniality) to save time and to preserve them further from aging, and also, to save money on riding outfits. I think they all have an 1:1 ratio of outfits to rides in a year.
It’s good that they “ride,” though in our rare convergence in said activity, it becomes clear that our definitions of riding could not be farther apart. There are bikes, trails, and pedaling. But that is the end of the similarity.
Comment by Another Biker Babe | 06.10.2007 | 6:42 pm
I personally have seen Kellene and the others in the same bike “outift” twice!! It happens!! In defense of our riding skills, I have witnessed the above quoted wife of the Chess Team Captain kick many a male rump climbing many a steep pitch!!! Unfortunately she has also left many a casualty in her wake!! Also the Lurker can fix any bike malfunction in record time and with minimal dirt & grease smudges while entertaining us with her amazing sense of humor. Not wanting to take up too much space, I will stop at two biker babe bios. Where are there pictures of Kenny’s guns???
Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Wherein I Simultaneously Do Hardly Any Work Whatsoever for Today’s Post AND Massively Ingratiate Myself to My Mostly-Male Audience | 10.1.2007 | 6:51 am
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Comment by Julie | 10.1.2007 | 9:15 pm
OH. MY. GAWD! I never laughed so hard. Love your sister. My type of rider. recently bought a Pink Fatt Cyclist Jersey in support of your wife. good luck bro…
Comment by Beatupoldvet | 01.26.2008 | 5:29 pm
You couldn’t let me have the phone no. of the one who’s over 60 could you?
Please?
On second thoughts, she’d probaby want to see my photo first.
Damn!
Comment by Heide-Biker | 03.28.2008 | 6:30 am
Hier wird mich wahrscheinlich keiner verstehen. Ich habe die Bilder gesehen und beschlossen mein Englisch aufzufrischen. Dann werde ich auswandern um die “Biker Babes” kennen zu lernen. So etwas ist mir in Deutschland noch nicht begegnet. Hier trifft man auf den Veranstaltungen in der Hauptsache nur Männer.
Ãœbrigens der Blog ist wirklich klasse. Ein bisschen viel Werbung!
Gruss Heide-Biker
siehe auch:
http://www.heide-biker.blogspot.com
Comment by Giles | 10.11.2008 | 11:49 pm
I wonder how roadie girls and roadie boys would contrast as opposed to the MTB?
Comment by cyclegoddess | 01.4.2009 | 8:02 pm
The obvious reason is ; we chix dont need to prove we are hard riders, WE KNOW IT! Thats why we dont need ‘brag’ shots!
Comment by Les | 04.1.2009 | 12:13 pm
You ain’t “getting any” soon buddy. Big mistake. Does any woman talk to you? ROFL!
Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Help Me Help My Sister Help Her Son Get a Kidney, Win a Bike (or Two!) | 02.23.2010 | 11:17 am
[...] Differences Between Boys and Girls [...]
Comment by www.cyclingdeal.com.auc | 02.3.2011 | 6:16 pm
Nice pictures. I really want to have a trip like that