I woke up this morning at 6:00 — time for my daily ride on the rollers (currently watching season 6 of 24 on the DVD).
I’ve become smart about how I get started on my early morning exercising: the key is to have everything all in place the night before, so I don’t have to do anything before I get started in the morning. The logic of this — for me, anyway — is impeccable. If I have any excuse whatsoever to not exercise at 6:00am on a winter morning, I am going to take it. This means that, last night, I took care of:
- Making sure the bike’s tires were inflated to 110psi.
- Filling two water bottles and putting them in their cages.
- Putting the correct DVD in the player.
- Laying out shorts, jersey, socks and shoes on the floor by the rollers.
I Feel Fine
With everything in place like this, it’s pretty easy to roll out of bed, get dressed (still in the dark), and start riding. And for the first half hour or so of the first episode of 24 I watched, everything was fine. The show requires little or no concentration, is action-packed, and is as comfortably predictable as an old pair of shoes.
It’s as if 24 were designed to be exercised to.
[A note from Fatty: I'm about to give you more information than you may want to have. I apologize in advance.]
But by the final fifteen minutes of the show, I was starting to suffer. My legs felt fine, but my butt and my . . . um . . . well, let’s just go ahead and call it my “penis” . . . were unhappy. Just a little sore, you know. I’ve had worse.
I climbed off the bike at the end of the episode, grabbed the remote, and started the next episode.
By the time I was a third of the way into the episode, I could barely watch. I felt like I was having my nether regions sanded with each turn of the crank. I had no idea why. This was my most comfortable pair of shorts — my DeMarchis — which have never given me any trouble before.
Did I have a rash? Had I somehow been sitting wrong? Had the washing machine skipped the rinse cycle, leaving soap in my chamois? I considered each of these possibilities. None of it made sense.
By the time I finished the second episode — yes, I finished both episodes — I felt like I was bleeding. Later inspection would show that I was not, but still.
I climbed off the bike — slowly — turned off the DVD player and the TV, and sat down to take off my shoes.
And that’s when I discovered the problem.
I had just ridden on the rollers for 90 minutes with my bib shorts inside out.