New Year’s Resolutions, Musings, and Addle-Brained Notions

01.3.2008 | 7:08 am

I have recently been notified that I am currently in violation of Blogger Bylaw 21.9.18:

“Every blogger, must, during the first week of each calendar year, provide one — or, preferably more — of the following:

  • A recap of the previous year, featuring what was presumably your best blogging work during aforementioned calendar year. This is useful to readers who have a difficult time deciding for themselves what they like.
  • A set of predictions for the upcoming year. This is a valuable way to describe what you would like to have happen, with no corresponding accountability for when none of those things happen, since everyone will have forgotten all about your predictions a year from now.
  • A set of goals for the year, none of which you should intend to actually accomplish. This may seem like it is in direct contradiction to Steven Covey’s famous edict, “A goal not written down is only a wish,” but the truth is, a wish is still just a wish, even if you write it down. And blogs don’t really count as writing, anyway.

Evidently, I’m already on double-secret probation for never having done one of those chain-letterish “Describe five things nobody knows about you and ask five other bloggers to do the same” entries that bloggers tend to start doing when they’ve run out of things to write about.

I’m advised by the Bloggers Governance Council that if I don’t want my blogging license revoked, I’d better go ahead and adhere to this rule.

Since, however, it’s simply too difficult for me to pick out just twenty or so excellent posts from my nearly infinite brilliant posts last year, I’m going to give that one a pass. Instead, I hereby list my resolutions and predictions for 2008, in the order which they occur to me.

  • Prediction: I will give away lots of great stuff. Lots of t-shirts, bottles, jerseys, food, messenger bags, and more. I love giving stuff away, and I’m going to keep doing contests.
  • Goal: I will send prizes on time, or at least semi-promptly. While I love giving stuff away, I don’t love boxing stuff up and making the trip to the post office / UPS store / wherever. As a result, by the time people get their prizes from me, they’ve often forgotten they won anything. This year, I will figure out a way to get prizes to people within a month of when they win them.
  • Prediction: I will give away something monstrously cool. In fact, I’ll predict even more specifically: in 2008, I will give away at least one bike. As a side goal along the same line, I’m going to try to find a way to give away at least three.
  • Goal: Do something really good in the fight against cancer. Probably corresponding to these bike giveaways, I’m going to try to raise at least $10,000, which I’ll split between the Huntsman Cancer Institute and the Lance Armstrong Foundation, both of which I know, firsthand, are doing a lot of good for those fighting cancer.
  • Goal / Prediction: I will mostly do what I always do. I am going to fight the urge to do a bunch of weird new stuff with this blog. Fat Cyclist has always been about the love of bikes and biking, and the love of food and eating, and the telling of stories about these things. That’s what I’m going to keep doing.
  • Prediction: I will train less, eat more, and will set a new personal weight record. Last year, I lived like a monk and exercised like a mad fool. The result of which was that I still couldn’t finish the Leadville 100 in under nine hours, and I still never even won a sport-class local race. This year, I don’t feel any particular motivation to race or train a bunch. I’m going to eat what I like and ride for fun. So there. 
  • Goal: Come up with a cool lose-some-weight contest: Lots of people participated in and liked the B7 contest last year. However, lots of people who weren’t doing so well dropped out, at no penalty to them. As far as I can tell, nobody who was doing well dropped out. What a wild coincidence. This year, there will be a B7-like contest, with a few new rules that penalize sandbagging and bailing out.
  • Goal: Do a Fat Cyclist trip: This year, I’d like to meet anyone who’s willing to ride with me and make the trip to Gooseberry Mesa. I bet I can get Brad to host on his property. We’ll figure out the when sometime soon. 
  • Goal: Look into a Best of Fatty book: I’ve been writing this blog for almost three years now, and between posts and comments, have well more than 3000 typed pages of content. I like the idea of gathering the best posts (and comments) and seeing if I can find a publisher. What do you think?
  • Goal: Ride Tibble at least 20 times: This is my favorite trail in the world. I’m going to find a way to spend a lot of time with it.
  • Goal: Ride American Fork canyon to the top of the Alpine Loop at least 30 times: Right out my front door, I have access to this remarkable mountain pass. It’s beautiful, challenging, and — depending on how hard you push yourself — remarkably painful. I look forward to riding it at least 30 times between Spring and Fall.
  • Goal / Prediction: Do something bizarrely stupid: Every once in a while, I like to test myself with something that I know I won’t enjoy, just to see if I can force myself to do it. Right now, I’m thinking maybe I’ll do a century on the rollers.
  • Goal: Find a way to incorporate biking with the girls into my training: My twins love biking with me. If I find a way to make that love a part of my own rides, I’ll have biking partners for life. If I don’t, I am a fool.
  • Goal: Find a way, somehow, to get my boys to like biking: With my boys being 12 and 14 and not caring even a little bit about bikes, maybe it’s just not going to happen. But I’m going to make a push for it this year. 
  • Goal: Do the stuff I told Travis Ott I would do in order to get that Superfly: A while back, I asked Fisher Bikes brand manager Travis Ott to give me a Fisher Superfly. He said he would, but gave me his own set of conditions. Most of those conditions are going to have to wait until Spring, but I still plan to do them.
  • Prediction: I will buy larger pants: With the give-up attitude toward dieting I’m bringing to this season, I’m going to need to buy larger clothes in general, but especially pants.
  • Prediction: I will launch a new kind of “open letter to…” It will be bizarre, and it will be soon. In fact, I’ll do it next week. I have no idea whether it will be funny.
  • Goal: Do a site redesign. I’m not the only one getting sick of the purple and orange, am I? 
  • Goal: Write more about food: I’ve been paying far too much attention to the “cyclist” part of “Fat Cyclist.” I can’t even remember the last time I wrote about cheese, and I don’t think I’ve ever written about my love of curry or my ability to drink an entire bottle of Cholula in one motion. That’s just sad. (Note to self: videotape and YouTube-ize me drinking a bottle of Cholula.)
  • Goal: Shave my head more often: Currently, you can tell what day of the week it is by looking at my head. If I’m shiny, it must be Sunday. If I look like I’m in the military, it must be Friday. I shall henceforth shave my head on Sundays and Wednesdays.  
  • Prediction: I will complete the most awesome bike stable ever. I have a couple bike stable updates coming soonish. You’re all going to be so jealous!
  • Goal: Find a home for the teeter:  I loved building the teeter, but I have got to get rid of it, or a neighbor kid’s going to die. Anyone know of a home for a top-notch bike teeter in Utah? Free!
  • Goal: Be thankful for my readers: I shall continue to take you for granted, but I will at least try to be nice about it. 


  1. Comment by AMR | 01.3.2008 | 11:47 am

    Huh, go figure. Even before reading all these wonderful Goals & Predictions I voted for you. Best Kept Secret AND Writing. Because you’re damn good.
    Super best wishes for the New Year, A

  2. Comment by cheapie | 01.3.2008 | 11:49 am


    heh. ahhh yes. the return of the fat one. you’ve been missed! i am REALLY looking forward to those post-binge-eating posts you do so well.

  3. Comment by salex | 01.3.2008 | 11:49 am

    teeter would look good on gooseberry mesa, methinks…

  4. Comment by fatty | 01.3.2008 | 11:55 am

    salex – i LOVE that idea. i’m going to ask brad if he wants it on his property. thanks!

    amr – no, YOU’RE darn good.

    cheapie – i’m eating a giant cube of velveeta even as i write this.

  5. Comment by Frank | 01.3.2008 | 12:11 pm

    Yeah, I’m still waiting for the decals you said you’d send to those that requested them. HAHA. That was over a year ago. I almost forgot. You just reminded me.

  6. Comment by inde | 01.3.2008 | 12:21 pm

    14 minutes and 13 seconds. You can do it.

  7. Comment by cheapie | 01.3.2008 | 12:24 pm

    have your boys ever seen girls in bike shorts? methinks that would go a long way towards convincing them to race or go ride.

    but i guess seeing their dad in bike shorts might have an equal and opposite reaction so….

  8. Comment by Mrs. Coach | 01.3.2008 | 12:48 pm

    FC- “A goal not written down is only a wish,” but the truth is, a wish is still just a wish, even if you write it down. And blogs don’t really count as writing, anyway.

    You can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which fills up first.

    FC- I don’t love boxing stuff up and making the trip to the post office / UPS store / wherever

    You know everyone does package pickup…for free.

    This is purple? I thought it was blue.

  9. Comment by rexinsea | 01.3.2008 | 1:05 pm

    Fatty -you hit the nail on the head with your ‘new’ fitness goals>> really don’t we all ride/exercise so we can eat more? It’s one of my prime motivators besides the added benefit that riding and eating are both really fun. The key is to do both at equally vigorous proportions.

    Here’s to a Happy New Year to all.

  10. Comment by Lisa B | 01.3.2008 | 1:13 pm

    Fatty – I saw some prototypes (ok, designs) of the new FC jersey when we visited Twin 6 right before Christmas and they’re bee-yoo-tee-ful. And the fabric is way nicer. Hey! I think I won one of those, what do you mean you don’t remember??!! :-) And FYI, the USPS offers free package pickup scheduling online. Isn’t the WWW a wonderful thing?

  11. Comment by eunicesara | 01.3.2008 | 1:22 pm

    Gee. Food, writing, and getting to meet more of your loyal readers. Sounds like a cookbook/contest to me. Just think of the giant, world-wide test kitchen you have at your fingertips! And the super photo-ops for your readers doing their take on your recipes and showing them off in their favorite bike spots. I’d buy it. Just make it spiral bound so it lays flat for reading.
    Best to Susan.

  12. Comment by seth | 01.3.2008 | 1:24 pm

    good post! could you stash the teeter at lambert park?

  13. Comment by TIMK | 01.3.2008 | 1:25 pm

    I think you should set it up so a user can pick a Fat Cyclist site theme. Maybe a black and orange based one and a pretty in pink one (maybe some others)

    I predict that I will actually win an FC contest this year. I also predict that Al Maviva will write a rather long comment in response to one of your posts.

  14. Comment by Kris | 01.3.2008 | 1:29 pm

    Fatty, I’ve sold a few things on eBay so I had to figure out shipping. It’s tough to beat the good old US Postal Service. You can buy postage and print out shipping labels through their website (just stick them onto your box/envelope and it’s ready to go). They now have Priority mail (2-3 days USA) flat rate envelopes and boxes you can get for free at your local post office (the postage is $4.60 for the envelope and $8.95 for the box). You can also schedule a pickup so you don’t even have to leave the house (the letter carrier for your area does the pickup)! With the Flat Rate you don’t even need a scale, but I bought a cheap digital one for $25 and it’s paid for itself because sometimes it’s cheaper to not go flat rate. First time through there’s some learning, but once you’re setup you’ll be able to get things shipped with little effort. I’d be happy to give you a hand, if needed.

  15. Comment by Weean | 01.3.2008 | 1:38 pm

    No sandbagging on the new B7. Does this mean I have to shift all my carefully-gained holiday weight before entering??! Or I just have to maintain it another month or so? Mrs Weean isn’t going to like that…

  16. Comment by Judi | 01.3.2008 | 1:41 pm

    Ok, colors – maybe pink and black?

    Your boys – have they ever seen freestyle?

    Weight – don’t gain back the weight! It’s bad for your heart.

    And Fatty, thanks for turning me onto T6. Love them.

  17. Comment by dailytri | 01.3.2008 | 1:42 pm

    Love the book idea. University publishers are always a good place to inquire first. I know a few good editors, too.

  18. Comment by Kris | 01.3.2008 | 2:11 pm

    Good goals.

    20 times on Tibble and 30 for the Alpine Loop? I like more variety than that, but those are good rides, although I prefer to go DOWN Tibble.

    I’m counting the Squaw Peak ride as my crazy ride of the year – woohoo, already one goal down on the first day of the new year!

  19. Comment by Brandy | 01.3.2008 | 2:45 pm

    Question, have you recieved the Superfly yet? If not when do you expect to it?


  20. Comment by Born4Lycra | 01.3.2008 | 2:52 pm

    Book idea good.
    Putting on weight bad
    $10000 to fight cancer good
    changing blog colours bad (they currently match my Euskaltel helmet)
    riding with the girls good
    buying bigger pants bad
    new B7 with new rules good
    new personal weight record real bad
    All the rest is all good.

    struggling to do nominations you are the only Blog site I go to – need some help with others

    Cheers all

  21. Comment by Uphill Battle | 01.3.2008 | 3:28 pm

    Fatty, in your book you can include a section entitled Cooking with Team Fatty. You could fill it with recipes that will insure that all will become truly Fat Cyclists.

    I’ve been praying for Susan. How is she doing these days? I hope things are getting easier for her.

  22. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 01.3.2008 | 3:38 pm

    You might get Racer to put the teeter out back of his shop.

    Also, there’s that obstacle park in Park City that already has a little stuff like the teeter. You might be able to convince some person in authority to let you donate it. Or if you can bribe dug, Brad, Kenny and the rest of the Core group we can carry it the 1/2 mile to the park and do a covert “donation.”

    I think you should deposit the teeter on the road at the top of rodeo at Lambert Park.

    If you’re desperate to get rid of the teeter right away, I’ll take it AND, I’ll take back the materials I dumped in your driveway.

  23. Comment by Fish | 01.3.2008 | 4:16 pm

    You mentioned the FatCyclist being about food and bikes. You also mentioned the planning of a bike trip. What FatCyclist trip would be complete without at least one fattening post-ride meal? No trip would be complete. I therefore volunteer to provide grilled sausages at that ride. Let me know if you’re amenable to those terms.

  24. Comment by Jeremy | 01.3.2008 | 4:31 pm

    I predict the “fixie” fad will end. Hopefully.

    …Witnesses told officers that Gregg was riding north down a hill toward the San Lorenzo River Bridge when a FedEx Ground truck in front of him slowed and turned right onto Jessie Street. Gregg, who had been staying with his parents in Live Oak during his break from school, was riding a fixed-gear bike — which doesn’t have brakes — and was not wearing a helmet.

    It’s unclear if Gregg, or his bike, collided with the box truck, or if the teen fell off the bike trying to avoid the vehicle. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

  25. Comment by Lee | 01.3.2008 | 4:34 pm

    Hi Fatty, maybe all your new weight gain will go straight to your quads- you’ll have the biggest legs ever and will become a genetically superior hill climbing mutant! Or maybe not……..

  26. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.3.2008 | 5:38 pm

    Fatty – Please do not talk about Velveeta. My son reads this column.

  27. Comment by IndoorRolyPoly | 01.3.2008 | 5:53 pm

    A century on ROLLERS!?!?!? That’s like trying to drink a gallon of milk in under an hour! you WILL be my new hero….

  28. Comment by fatty | 01.3.2008 | 7:18 pm

    Fish – man, you already know how I feel about your phenomenal bratwurst prowess. if you come do brats, we’ll be able to charge for the event.

    indoorrolypoly – it sounds so crazy it jusy may work. or not.

  29. Comment by | 01.3.2008 | 7:21 pm

    Fatty: Ahh, the beauty that is Cholula! I buy it in bulk. Truly is a beautiful thing. Like the book, $10000, new colors, and ride ideas. I would expand that to travel the US to ride with everyone stateside in `08 and worldwide in `09. I’m just throwing it out. You don’t NEED a job, right? Just quit and ride 24/7 now. You deserve it! I also see the Orange and Black theme, or Pink and Charcoal (black?!). As far as shaving, cool. Im not “allowed to”, Im told Im not thin enough yet to warrant it. Sucks. Anyway, thanks for keeping it interesting and fun for three years, man.

  30. Comment by | 01.3.2008 | 7:23 pm

    Oh, and a Gal of milk in an hour WILL make you puke. Not sure the clinical explanation, but I know I’ve heard one before.

  31. Comment by boots | 01.3.2008 | 8:31 pm

    Fatty, Don’t worry about the boys’ lack of interest in cycling. I rode semi-seriously
    for roughly 15 years w/o anything other than a casual look from our 3 sons. After
    another 10 years of riding but maintaining a hands off attitude ie help if asked but
    no arm twisting, suddenly son #2 has an old Bianchi, celeste of course, and a Trek
    Fuel. Son #1 has a Trek which I built up in the late 70’s, a team Eddie Merckx, a Redline, a Fetish, a Trek Tandem, and something else which I can’t remember. My
    point is if you provide a fertile environment, the seed will sprout if it is going to, and if it isn’t there isn’t much that you or I can do.
    Incidentally, that son completed STP this year in one day, along with his 105 lb, 40
    year old wife and a handful of their friends. Good Luck and the best to Susan.

  32. Comment by co | 01.3.2008 | 9:26 pm

    if you do a Best of Fatty, you must include Eufemiano Fuentes, Al Maviva, and, of course, the whole ball-spalming thing!

  33. Comment by Saso | 01.3.2008 | 11:11 pm

    Your monk-like last year was actually inspiring.

  34. Comment by Logan | 01.4.2008 | 12:41 am

    Keep on keeping on. Your new jersey should be velveeta orange with spinach green overtones for good measure.

  35. Comment by barry1021 | 01.4.2008 | 1:26 am

    2008 is Susan’s year. The rest of us are along for the ride.


  36. Trackback by Straws | 01.4.2008 | 1:38 am

    More Resolutions

    It’s not too late. No really. You can still make your New Years Resolutions and abide by them in 2008. What? You thought that, having failed to get around to it by 31st December, you’d missed the boat and therefore missed the opportunit…

  37. Comment by buckythedonkey | 01.4.2008 | 2:10 am

    I will send prizes on time: LOL, I’m still waiting for my copy of Office from your pre-house-move comp…

    Do a Fat Cyclist trip: please give us foreigners plenty of notice of the likely dates so that we can arrange, er, coincidental business trips to your your locale.

    Write more about food: hooray! That’s more like it. For a minute I thought you were heading forever into Skeletal Uphill Whippet territory.

    Shave my head more often: and your chin?

    I will complete the most awesome bike stable ever: bastard. You can go off people, you know!

    Other things to consider:

    Goal: Design a new FC Jersey that won’t clash with all the orange and pink cycling kit that Team FC members have filled their homes with. LOL.

    Roll on ‘08!

  38. Comment by Mike Roadie | 01.4.2008 | 4:22 am

    Yeah, yeah…..but what are you going to do for February????

  39. Comment by Rob L | 01.4.2008 | 5:30 am

    Dude, did you ever post plans/documentation on the FatCyclist Teeter????

    As for the book, if your really interested a guy running a humor site is about to finish his first book of stuff from his site and I’m sure would be willing to share of the experience. His site is and his name is Brian Briggs. Check it out.

    Damn you and your bike stable!!!

  40. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.4.2008 | 6:36 am

    B21 – that is just so right – well done.

  41. Comment by TomE | 01.4.2008 | 7:20 am

    I just told my wife that I knew what I wanted to do this year…she gets all excited and says “what”….I tell her that I want to meet these FC crazies on their annual trip and she looks at me and says – “I thought you said something exciting…I was expecting you to say a trip to South America.” And yes…she is a biker!!! Hmmm….Gooseberry Mesa and these brats I keep hearing about or South America….Fatty – I”M IN!!!!

  42. Comment by Paddy | 01.4.2008 | 7:53 am

    Fatty – thanks for the regular chuckles and general entertainment, you easily earned my best kept secret weblog vote! I lost about 50 lbs. over the past 12-14 months but still have another 30-40 to go. I have stalled out (and gained a few…) so I’m interested in a new contest (wouldn’t mind trying to win some of that “stuff” you mentioned either!). Regarding the book thing, my wife is in the publishing business on the production/manufacturing end of things. I know there are allot of options out there now for “short-run” and custom books and a number of tools available for self-publishing. Big time publishing houses seem to be a tougher nut to crack these day’s for the first time author but some of the non-traditional options might be worth taking a look at…and be in keeping with the spirit of the original content. Anyway, thanks for sharing your your musings and a slice of your life with all of us. Keep up the good work and best wishes for 2008 for you, Susan and the kids!

  43. Comment by Rick S. | 01.4.2008 | 8:58 am

    Elden- The teeter belongs somewhere in the network of Draper trails. Maybe at the top of Clarks? We should ask Ken where he wants it. Oh, and my wife wants your chili recipe.

    Fish- Are you coming to Gooseberry this month?

  44. Comment by Flying Penguin | 01.4.2008 | 9:05 am

    Keep up the good work. I am with some of the others that putting the weight back on is bad, bigger pants, bad. Why would you want to look like a pear anyway (they are not that aerodynamic) I fought that fight this past year and came to this blog for humorous insanity to keep me going. However, a good post ride meal is fun (the ride is instant justification). For my group, I do homemade (fresh) ravioli with a homemade sauce. The stuff I make is low in fat, salt but everyone says it tastes good.

    My best to Susan and hope of speedy recovery.

  45. Comment by chtrich | 01.4.2008 | 9:07 am

    Awesome post! I can’t even think of that many things I’d like to do. lol

    I especially like your idea of “I’m going to eat what I like and ride for fun”. As I set my sights on some rides this year I start thinking about eating less to ride faster. Then I wonder if it’s all worth it. I’m no professional and never will be. I ride for fun too. Great attitude you’ve taken!

    Writing more about food is a great idea.

    Thanks for the motivation for me to also climb AF to the top of the loop at least 30 times…..that truly is an awesome ride. (eat your heart out mocougfan).
    And appearantly I should try out Tibble………

    Site has always looked blue and orange to me too.

    I’d buy the book.

    I also vote for teeter at Lambert Park.

    I voted for you in the Bloggies……good luck!!

  46. Comment by patty | 01.4.2008 | 10:30 am

    Love th epost– love the blog — voted for you for sure. Any chance of coming to the East Coast for a FatCyclist ride? Many of us out here would love that.
    Very excited about the book idea — go for it. And hearing more about food.

    Hope things are going well w/ Susan.

  47. Comment by KT | 01.4.2008 | 10:44 am

    Resolutions… we made ours on Halloween. It’s easier to keep them that way. It’s at the tail end of the cycling “season” (aka: it’s dark all the time now and raining all the time now and the drivers around here can’t handle a cyclist on top of trying to drive in the dark and rain… at lunchtime).

    I’m with Mrs Coach: This is supposed to be purple? Looks more blue to me.

    Looking forward to more laughs in 2008. Maybe you should have your son do more of his cool flash cartoons for us? :)

  48. Trackback by Seroquel xr. | 07.18.2008 | 3:05 pm

    Seroquel xr.

    Seroquel xr.

  49. Trackback by How to fuck a dog. | 08.1.2008 | 8:25 am

    Watch a dog fuck my girlfreind….

    Turned into a dog fuck. Dog fuck pussy….

  50. Comment by URL | 12.9.2011 | 3:36 am

    You designed some decent points there. I looked on the net for any dilemma and located most individuals goes along with together along with your internet site. 345032


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.