I Do Not Have a Problem

02.27.2008 | 10:35 am

Hrmph. Grrgth. Whhuh? What’s wrong? Why are you waking me up already?


What are all you people doing here? I didn’t invite you over. Susan, did you invite these people over?

You did? Why didn’t you tell me?

An intervention? An intervention?!

Why in the world would you have an intervention for me? I am the very soul of moderation. No drinking, no drugs. Seriously. Ever. Not even once. Unless you count caffeine.

You’re not doing an intervention based on my caffeine use, are you? Because I’ll cut back. I always drink a lot of Diet Coke in the winter, to make up for the lack of sunlight. I’ll cut back in the summer. I promise.

Oh, this isn’t about the caffeine? The caffeine intervention is next week? Okay, well at least now I know, so I can block some time in my calendar. This is very inconvenient, you know. I have to be at work ninety minutes from now, after all.

So what’s this intervention about, anyway?

No. No no no no no.

I refuse to accept that.

My bike spending is not out of control. I have exactly the number of bikes I need, and not one more.

Okay, okay, I probably should have talked to you about buying the Superfly before I bought it. But I was feeling kind of sad because the day had gone so badly, and the weather’s been so lousy this winter, and I wanted something to cheer me up. And then I saw this bike and I really really loved the way it looked and I just had to have it, and I totally have it figured out how I’ll pay for it — not a dime will come from the checking account, I swear; I’m selling one of my other bikes and paying the balance with the money I’ve made from the BikeRadar articles.

I was going to tell you about it, really. I just was waiting for the right moment.

What do you mean I’m proving your point?

No, your learning about the new bike by reading about it in my blog probably wasn’t the best way for you to learn about it. I admit that.

No, I don’t see this as “just the latest incident in what’s become a disturbing pattern.” It’s not like I’ve been going out and buying bikes willy-nilly.

What do you mean “That’s exactly what it’s like?” Buying one bike doesn’t make me irrational and impulsive!

OK, sure. Fine. I did buy the Waltworks a couple months ago to replace the Rig. And if you must, you can say that they’re both 29″-wheeled singlespeeds. But the Waltworks is special. It’s a beautiful, handmade steel singlespeed. It’s a dream bike!

Yeah, if you want to nitpick, you’re welcome to point out that I just barely bought the Filmore. But I really wanted a single speed road bike, and it’s not like it cost me a huge amount of money.

No, it’s not just like the Pista I replaced it with. The Pista had track geometry. And it was a fixed gear. They were nothing alike.

OK, fine, they’re almost exactly alike. Have it your way. I’m not going to get into this with you.

Oh, you just leave the Ibis out of it. I had to buy that bike; I had to replace a broken old road bike. No, that’s not the reason I bought the Lemond Victoire I replaced the Ibis with.

Wait a second. I guess you’re right. I had forgotten about the Victoire. Fine. I bought the Ibis because I love Ibis bikes and think they’re sexy, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?

Fine, fine, let’s go back to the bike I just bought. I know, to you it seems crazy that I would buy a bike that I was virtually guaranteed I could have as a free loaner.

I didn’t want a loaner, though. I don’t want to ride somebody else’s bike, and I don’t want to give up my bike after three months. And besides, I don’t want to deprive Racer of a sale. He’s my friend; I should be supporting his business, not trying to circumvent it.

Sure, I’m still going to do all those crazy things Travis Ott, Fisher’s Brand Manager demands. I want to be the first guy around to have two Superflys. That way I can let friends ride one.

Oh, stop crying.

Look, if it will make you feel better, I’ll promise not to buy any more bikes for at least a year.

Well, except for the one last one I’ve got on order, but it’s already paid for, pretty much.

Well of course I was going to tell you about it. It just wasn’t the right time. It’s kind of a super-secret bike — a single speed with 29″ wheels.

No, it’s not like the WaltWorks. It’s not like anything I’ve ever had before.

No,  I don’t think it’s time I admit I have a problem. I can stop buying bikes anytime I want.

Hey. Put that straitjacket away.


  1. Comment by Road Rage | 02.27.2008 | 10:41 am


    She says while slowly shaking her head back and forth in a resigned manner. Thank God Susan loves you……………a lot.

  2. Comment by dkirkavitch | 02.27.2008 | 10:42 am

    Too Funny
    The best one yet

  3. Comment by monkeywebb | 02.27.2008 | 10:48 am

    And here I was hoping that I could get you to have Susan call my wife to explain why it’s okay to buy more than one bike every five years. I thought you had this all figured out. I’m so disallusioned.

    Back to the drawing board…

  4. Comment by Fan of Susan | 02.27.2008 | 10:54 am

    Fatty – I think an alcohol problem might be cheaper albeit less healthy…wait, don’t you have a bum wrist and shoulder? Don’t livers regenerate? Perhaps you should reconsider your addiction of choice.

  5. Comment by Mike Roadie | 02.27.2008 | 11:04 am

    I only have seven bikes–you are out of control, amigo.

    Anyone interested in buying some cool bike and sportswear at a discount and supporting a great cause, the LAF is having a close out sale:


    Other than that, please give generously to my challenge to cure cancer, help Susan and others and raise $50K for a cure:


  6. Comment by Lifesgreat | 02.27.2008 | 11:04 am

    Did you post EVERYTHING she said??

    If so, you married a gem.

  7. Comment by Boz | 02.27.2008 | 11:06 am

    Fatty – you are lucky you don’t have my wife. I got the death laser stare for the new shoes I got on sale at REI the other day. Another new bike would probably lead to some jail time and a lengthy trial for her. A funeral for me. Can I hide out in your basement next time I buy one?

  8. Comment by Orbea Girl | 02.27.2008 | 11:11 am

    Inspired! However, I’m not going to side with Susan on this one although my husband probably would if he were to read your blog. But, hey, a girl’s entitled to a few secrets, right?

  9. Comment by Harp | 02.27.2008 | 11:11 am

    I’m with Boz anytime I mention buying anything bike related I get the “look” from my wife. The “look” makes me nervous.

  10. Comment by Ethan | 02.27.2008 | 11:11 am

    I have an incredibly supportive wife. In the 18 months, she has endorsed the purchase of 3 brand-new bikes. I “parted” a whole bike together in addition to those.

    However, the day I buy a $3k bike without consulting her and then post about it on the internet is the same day that she strangles me with a single speed chain.

    You’re a brave, brave man, Fatty. Bravo!

  11. Comment by Don (http://cyclingphun.blogspot.com) | 02.27.2008 | 11:13 am

    I have one request, I want shots of your bikes, individual & as a group. Furthermore; You, my friend, are a very lucky man and you wife is a saint.

  12. Comment by Big Boned | 02.27.2008 | 11:19 am

    Remember…I called “dibs” on that second superfly…
    I make two trips to Moab a year, just let me know where to pick up the bike. I’ll even wash it before I bring it back.

  13. Comment by Reagan | 02.27.2008 | 11:19 am

    That is amazing. Unique way of writing about it too. Just exactly HOW many bikes do you have? Just from the looks of it, you have A LOT!

  14. Comment by ssroadie | 02.27.2008 | 11:22 am

    Hey Fatty…stop listening in at my house. Sounds all to familiar except the bikes names have been changed to protect the innocent.

  15. Comment by Terry | 02.27.2008 | 11:23 am

    Understanding is a gift. Not everyone has the gift.

  16. Comment by Yeagermeister | 02.27.2008 | 11:25 am

    The reason I don’t have a wife is so I don’t have to deal with these interventions or arguments. Or maybe I don’t have a wife because I’ve refused to deal with these interventions and arguments… Hmmmm…

  17. Comment by thefutureofamerica | 02.27.2008 | 11:36 am

    What size do you ride? Are there any houses for sale on your street? You’d never leave a neighbor without EXACTLY the bike he wanted to ride on any given morning, right?

  18. Comment by KanyonKris | 02.27.2008 | 11:38 am

    Fatty, I commend your bravery. Your post pushes the bar higher for all of us, at your personal expense. Your sacrifice will long be remembered. What bar am I talking about? The bike purchase bar, of course. Thanks to our hero (yes, I say hero) Fat Cyclist, we now can say things like this to our significant others:

    “I would have consulted you, but it was a one day sale (last one in stock, etc.). And even with this new bike I still have less than half the bikes Fat Cyclist has. And even with all the bikes he has, he bought a new bike recently so how can you complain about me buying my 2nd (3rd, etc.) bike?”

    So thank you, Fat Cyclist, for giving us more ammunition in the bike buying cold war – it gets Alaskan cold at times*. I just pray Susan doesn’t convert you from hero to martyr (or eunuch, or worse of all, stripped of all forms of payment).

    * “Alaskan cold” comment in honor of Jill Homer, go Jill!

  19. Comment by ephany | 02.27.2008 | 11:41 am

    As a child, I used to have this same argument with my mom about tennis shoes. I thought I had a problem, but you have a problem and the money to indulge it…

  20. Comment by Uphill Battle | 02.27.2008 | 11:46 am

    Tsk..tsk..Fatty. I am afraid Susan is right. I, too, would have been there for the intervention, but I was attending one on my own behalf…something to do with shoes. I wasn’t listening all that closely.

  21. Comment by SteveS | 02.27.2008 | 11:50 am

    What do you do for a living again? Cause I got to get me a piece of that pie!

  22. Comment by isela | 02.27.2008 | 11:52 am

    Funny as heck! Now can we have some pics of all your beauties.

  23. Comment by chtrich | 02.27.2008 | 12:09 pm

    At least it’s cheaper than a car addiction

  24. Comment by mocougfan | 02.27.2008 | 12:32 pm

    Is this a Dr. Phil show?

    Totally funny fatty.

  25. Comment by Clydesteve | 02.27.2008 | 12:46 pm

    Heh! – Pretty Funny Elden.

    I am glad you called off the intervention. Whereas I was certainly happy to buy a ticket to Utah to help, it was really an inconvenient time… I need to sneak down to the bike shop at lunch and secretly purchase a replacement transmitter for my wireless cycleputer. I don’t want to tell my wife, after I just bought a pair of used DeMarchi bib tights last week. She doesn’t approve of all my bicycle spending…


  26. Comment by Clydesteve | 02.27.2008 | 12:52 pm

    I did not realize it, but if you put the words ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ inside carats as if you had an HTML tag to turn on and off the channeling of Napolean when saying something like “LUCKEE!”, theis blogsite acually tries to interpret the ‘Napolean Dynamite’ inside the or carats as HTML code. It not only made the carats disappear in the above comment. I was briefly wearing moon boots and tripping.

    Thankfully, no one noticed.

  27. Comment by aussie kev | 02.27.2008 | 12:58 pm

    i nearly had an intervention over a set of track wheels – “for a special day” – still havn’t used them !!

  28. Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 02.27.2008 | 12:59 pm

    What is an intervention. Who is involved and do they sell tickets.

  29. Comment by Maarburg | 02.27.2008 | 1:01 pm

    What’s the problem?
    Ok.. so you should have told her, I get that part.
    No, no.. I understand.

    It’s not like you’re out buying a recumbent or anything.
    Or a Bike Friday…
    Or a Trike…


  30. Comment by Ant | 02.27.2008 | 1:26 pm

    The ideal number of bikes to own is expressed as a mathematical formula:

    #Bikes(optimum) = n + 1

    where n is the number of bikes currently owned.

    You wouldn’t want to mess with the mathematical laws of the universe Fatty, that would just be wrong.

  31. Comment by Cervelo Queen - formely Bent022 | 02.27.2008 | 1:48 pm

    Two days before I went on vacation I walked through the garage and noticed (it really was not hiden very well) a new bike, well new to our garage. I asked my husband what was with the new bike in the garage. He actually stated, “What bike?”

    Me – The green Bianchi

    Hubbie – Oh it’s a 57(cm)

    Me – And…

    Hubbie – It fits me perfectly

    Me – Soooo

    Hubbie – A guy in the club was selling it and it fits me.

    I gave up and went on my vacation.

    This is why it is good to have seperate checking/saving accounts.

  32. Comment by mark | 02.27.2008 | 1:55 pm

    I actually reduced my bike quiver by one a couple of weeks ago. When my wife asked me what I was going to do with the money, I replied “buy new skis.” At least you only have one addiction.

    Like a true junkie, I sell bikes to buy skis in the winter and am now left with nothing to sell to buy more bikes except my truck. And it’s starting to get warm. For Sale: 2000 Toyota Tundra.

  33. Comment by cyclostu | 02.27.2008 | 2:23 pm

    Did she seriously find out that you got the new bike by reading it on your blog? That is brave my friend. Brave indeed.

    If the first step is to admit you have a problem, then just never go past that point and then you don’t have to do the other 11. Problem solved!

  34. Comment by KT | 02.27.2008 | 2:32 pm

    I don’t try to stifle my darling man’s obsession to own “just one more” of whatever it is he wants.

    As a matter of fact, a couple of weeks ago, I pushed him into getting his second Tag Heuer watch. Why? Because he wanted it, he could afford it, and life is short.

    And then he says that he’s buying me a new road bike, so what goes around, comes around. :)

    Besides, we have no kids, and we have room for watches and bikes. And the dog doesn’t seem to mind.

    So are you going to post pictures of you actually riding this piece of amazing bike-ness?

  35. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 02.27.2008 | 2:39 pm

    Man, you’re in it deep. I’m currently in the home stretch of a 4 year university degree and also overcoming my midlife crisi by re-entering track racing at a very competitive level.

    The track bike I’m riding was already mine when I met my wife 18 years ago. Much of the ancillary equipment is of the same vintage. Yesterday I proclaimed that I had found the perfect replacement for the bought-secondhand-in-2004 Carnac Carbone track shoes. I then sighed and wimpered that “sadly, they’re US$350.”

    If I wasn’t already married to her, I’d marry this woman. Here’s why. After I mentioned the price the next words out of her mouth were “If you think they’ll make a difference get them.”

    I ordered the red lace-ups and a big bunch of flowers.

  36. Comment by Hoggy | 02.27.2008 | 2:40 pm

    I have heard about a friend of a friend who boaght a brand new bike but had it painted to look exactly like the one he replaced it with. I thought this could be a trategy for your next bike

  37. Comment by eugie | 02.27.2008 | 2:40 pm

    I couldn’t laugh, it hit way too close to home for me and my hubbie. I have now given him a bike account, he can do what he wants with his bike account $$$…he just can’t touch our other accounts.

  38. Comment by mocougfan | 02.27.2008 | 2:48 pm

    Fatty, I really would like to see your bike collection. It would be an easy post for tomorrow. Except that I would then be depressed by my collection of 2 bikes.

  39. Comment by Al Maviva | 02.27.2008 | 2:48 pm

    Fatty, it’s a good thing for you that woman is recovering from Chemo, and she’s aware that if she kicked you as hard as you deserve, it would probably shatter her other hip joint.

    I’ve been undergoing a similar thought process concerning the custom rig I want to buy. I decided that I should probably just sell a kidney to some rich Chinese businessman. It will probably be less painful than trying to justify to my wife dropping $7k on a bike, by explaining, “but it’s not the high end model.”

    Plus I’ll have $3k left over from the kidney sale to buy her gifts to try to calm her down after she gets pissed when she figures out I sold one of my kidneys to buy a bike.

  40. Comment by Fish | 02.27.2008 | 3:12 pm

    It reminds me of a tag line Ibis used to use – “As addictive as crack, and twice as expensive.” It’s only fitting that you have an Ibis in the mix.

  41. Comment by Paul | 02.27.2008 | 3:35 pm

    Thank you for somewhat answering with this entry my question I posted to you in your “About Fatty” page.


  42. Comment by Dobovedo | 02.27.2008 | 3:47 pm

    I didn’t go out and buy my new ss/fg commuter because I’m waiting for the Bush Bucks and the model I want hasn’t come in yet. But the “discussion” I had when mentioning it to my wife casually the other day, as if it were a done deal, was strikingly familiar.

    I sincerely hope that was embellished for the sake of blogging. If you really made her cry…

    I can hear that Daniel Powter song playing now:

    Cause you had a bad day
    You’re buying one more
    You sing a sad song just to turn her around
    You say you don’t know
    You tell her white lies
    You work at a smile and you GO FOR A RIDE…”

  43. Comment by axel | 02.27.2008 | 3:48 pm

    you can buy all the bikes you want, as long as you actually use them. If they haven’t been used at least 5 times last year they have to go on craigslist.

  44. Comment by Josmeh | 02.27.2008 | 4:02 pm

    You forgot to mention the tandem.

  45. Comment by MTB W | 02.27.2008 | 4:29 pm

    Wait a second, did your weight go up? Yesterday it was 170.4 and today its 170.6. It’s a long way down to 168.4 with only two days left. Maybe during your intervention, not only will you be withheld money for bikes but also food. Or maybe the intervention stressed you out to eat a bit more. On the plus side, you have a new shiny new ride to get a work out on. Break that puppy in and show us the pics.

  46. Comment by Jen | 02.27.2008 | 4:34 pm

    Now everything I spend on bikes has to have an equal deposit into the retirement account. While it makes everything 2x expensive, it sort of makes sense. Play and plan … and hope for the best.

  47. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 02.27.2008 | 4:43 pm

    Pffft. I mean it’s not like the Superfly is an expensive bike.

  48. Comment by judi | 02.27.2008 | 4:45 pm

    Awesome! Loved it! And I completely understand! Susan is cool, and you are lucky.

  49. Comment by Fritz | 02.27.2008 | 4:56 pm

    My secret to marital bliss: I always — ALWAYS — get my wife a new bike about 2 weeks before I get my own. Of course that doesn’t explain why I currently have *ahem* 5 bikes while she only has one, but still….

  50. Comment by Bluenoser | 02.27.2008 | 6:15 pm

    I just buy the parts and leave them all over the house and then one day, blam, it’s a bike. When asked about the bike I just say I decided to do something with all those old parts that were laying around cluttering up the house. A lot more expensive that way but hey you gotta do what you gotta do.


  51. Comment by El Animal | 02.27.2008 | 6:21 pm

    Wait a minute, you replaced the Ibis for a lemond? Didn’t you buy the Ibis last year? You really need an intervention!

  52. Comment by FlatsMan | 02.27.2008 | 6:22 pm

    You think you gotta bike problem, Fatty ?

    My wife rides too.

    We still have the two Tiawan built Lotus “racers” we started with 15 years ago. Between us we have 11 in Florida, 2 in GA mountains and my son rides in NY and has one of mine on lend lease in Manhatten. That’s 12 in 15 years. Average one per year approx.

    Hey it’s turned cold here in SFLA, down to 50 tonight, break out the tights.

    Hope wrist feels better soon. Probably a hairline fracture, ouwwwch.

    Every time one of us gets a new frame as a present, the recepient says oh I suppose you bought me that so you could get another bike ! And so it goes on.

  53. Comment by El Animal | 02.27.2008 | 6:22 pm

    Of course Racer is your friend, I would be your friend too, if I had a bike shop.

  54. Comment by Al Maviva | 02.27.2008 | 6:34 pm

    >>>I didn’t go out and buy my new ss/fg commuter because I’m waiting for the Bush Bucks

    The Bush Bucks? Dude, if a grand or two is all you’re lookin’ to spend, you’re what we serious riders refer to as a “recreational user.” The kind of bikes you are buying may be gateway bikes, the kind of things a bigtime dealer will just about give away to get you hooked.

  55. Comment by wife of cyclostu | 02.27.2008 | 6:54 pm

    So my husband reads this blog daily and always comes home telling me about something. Today he sat me down at the computer to read today’s entry. Mind you, this was only minutes after taking me in the garage and beaming that there are only three bikes in there (he has been ebaying). Apparently if you move two Eddy Merckx frames and a Specialized frame to an extra bedroom they no longer count, even if the parts to build them are laying right next to them. He probably thinks that I’m not listening when he’s talking about Surly’s new stuff and the three bikes he would like to buy from them. I think he wanted me to read this to try to convince me this is normal behavior. Susan, are you booking intervention appointments for other wives of cyclists?

  56. Comment by Dobovedo | 02.27.2008 | 7:11 pm

    >>>The Bush Bucks? Dude, if a grand or two is all you’re lookin’ to spend, you’re what we serious riders refer to as a “recreational user.” The kind of bikes you are buying may be gateway bikes, the kind of things a bigtime dealer will just about give away to get you hooked.

    LOL. Think of this as more of a failed attempt at almost having a successful rehab. Like mildly falling off the wagon before I slip right back into the ‘hard stuff’.

    Trust me when I say that the percentage of disposable income that goes towards my cycling habit is >100%.

    Which begs the question… why is it specifically the bikes that raise the ruckus? My wife doesn’t bat an eye the multiple times a year when I sign up for a weekend ride somewhere out of state that involves registration fees, gas, hotels, meals out… not to mention the time away from home spending time with my friends. She doesn’t question when I drop X dollars to replace expensive Campy parts (wheels, BBs, etc.) She doesn’t question the seemingly daily deliveries from performancebike.com.

    But I opt to spend $6-700 on a complete bike and she goes nuts.

  57. Comment by RockLobster | 02.27.2008 | 7:38 pm

    What perfect timing! I was just at the bike store on my lunch today and came so close to purchasing a bike…after all, they are having a “no sales tax” event! An EVENT! What more can you ask for! What better time to buy a finely tuned road cycle than an EVENT! Anyway, I didn’t have the cajones to show up at home with a new bike and less money in the savings account. My wife is supportive of my habit, but not that supportive. She seems to think a man only needs one road bike, one mountain bike, and one triathlon bike. Geesh!
    On another note, I’m new to the site…have you ever thought of having a Fatty Convention at Moab or another location? All the Fattyheads could descend upon a cycling hotspot, ride, where Fat Cyclist gear, and drink Fat Tire beer. Plan it and we will come! (Actually you don’t have to plan anything, just set a date and a place.)

  58. Comment by Marrock | 02.27.2008 | 8:06 pm

    I wish I had your problem…

    Right now I couldn’t even afford a new tube, nevermind a whole new bike.

  59. Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 02.27.2008 | 8:07 pm

    Bluenoser, THATS GREAT! Why the heck havent I thought of that?

  60. Comment by cheapie | 02.27.2008 | 8:19 pm

    i have the solution bluenoser…just buy a bike and take it apart. keep the pieces in your trunk and over time bring in a box with an ebay label and some of the parts in it. that way, it’s not any more expensive but you don’t have to pay the piece price.

  61. Comment by Duane | 02.27.2008 | 8:21 pm

    When I replaced my beat up Trek 1000 with a Carbon Framed Fuji – My wife asked “why do you need another 10 speed?”

    After crashing my Iron Horse hard tail my wife agreed that I should get a better mountain bike. She stayed relatively calm when I showed her my new Fisher Hi-Fi Deluxe 29er.

    I was told no more bikes – I have all that I need. I’m not sure how to break it to her that training for a 1/2 IM would be easier with a tri bike.

    Bless her heart.

  62. Comment by Rocky | 02.27.2008 | 8:36 pm

    I thought you had a problem back in the Bow Ti days.
    Get some help, man. Where Racer is concerned, you call him friend and he calls you money. I am certain that when he knows you are coming (he likely set up the whole day at the Imaging Center, floating a kickback to some underling tech – aka street dealer – to get you good and bored, and a lot frustrated, with just enough time to swing by the shop in one of those convenient technical difficulty breaks to drop a couple of grand on yet another shiney bauble) he strategically places just your size of the shiney du jour knowing you are coming in all juiced up for that old familiar comfort – a steely, glitzy fix. C’mon man. Seriously. Get some help.

  63. Comment by Susan (the wife) | 02.27.2008 | 8:43 pm

    Okay, monkey boy. Enough is enough. You have too @#$% many bikes and you spend too *&^% much money on them, way too often. Racer is a crank dealer, and you are a junkie and you need some help. I forbid you from hanging out with him anymore, or from going anywhere near his “bike shop.” Bike-aholics twelve-step program is a must, and I expect it within the quarter. Clear?

  64. Comment by Bluenoser | 02.28.2008 | 2:53 am

    Hang with me Phun, There’s only two ways to deal with wives and bikes… and nobody knows either one of them.


  65. Comment by Bluenoser | 02.28.2008 | 2:58 am

    Cheapie. Brilliant!! Why didn’t I think of that. I guess that’s why you are cheapie and I’m not. Are you taking that in Phun?


  66. Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 02.28.2008 | 4:11 am

    Monkey Boy? ooh that’s gonna come up now and again for quite a while. Regards intervention – what is it? Who does it? Is it a churchy thing or one those visits to a therapist or a therapist visiting you or what.

  67. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 02.28.2008 | 4:33 am

    Al M, as long as you sell the correct kidney. When the divorce settlement comes through and you discover that your wife gets half of everything including 1 kidney you’d better hope she gets the one you sold, that way you only have to come up with $10K plus interest rather than hand over the second kidney and die.

  68. Comment by FliesOnly | 02.28.2008 | 4:50 am

    Look, it would be hard for anyone that has been reading your stuff for as long as I (and many many others) have to not agree with Susan. Heck, even if she were wrong (and make no mistake about it…she is most definitely NOT wrong in this case), we’d all still agree with her anyway. You have a problem…an addiction, as it were. And you need help. OK, having said that, let me add that quiting “Cold Turkey” can be extremely dangerous and has the potential to severely impact your psyche in a negative way. For the sake of your blog (and the fact that your psyche is already teetering on the edge), I can’t allow that to happen…so here’s my plan:

    You just keep order/buying bikes whenever you get that urge. However, rather than taking them back to your place…have them, instead, shipped to my place. Brilliant, eh! I can store the bikes for you, effectively curtailing the possibility of you getting caught with yet another new bike. And I’ll do my best to try to convince you to not buy anymore bikes.

    “Stop…fatty…stop buying bikes”, I quietly say to myself, each time a new bike arrives.

    Of course, a new bike is like a race horse. It can’t be kept locked up. It needs to ridden. So, not only will I graciously volunteer to be a “secret” storage area for your addiction, I’ll also make sure that the bikes remains in tip-top shape, by giving them plenty of exercise.

    Drop me an e-mail and I’ll make sure you have the correct address.

  69. Comment by Susan (another one) | 02.28.2008 | 5:08 am

    Poor Susan. I made her use parentheses on top of putting up with Fatty.

  70. Comment by Steve | 02.28.2008 | 5:20 am

    Elden, for the last few years or so I have been following a philosophy that was passed on to me by a good friend and has served me well in my addictions (bikes and sailboats): It’s easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission. Damn the torpedoes, man! Full speed ahead!

  71. Comment by mocougfan | 02.28.2008 | 5:56 am

    Monkey Boy…hellarious. Your busted.

  72. Comment by sans auto | 02.28.2008 | 6:44 am

    I am currently compiling data from the survey that Fatty posted for me months ago. The person with the most bikes in that survey was a “friend of fatty” and he had 16 bikes for the two people in his home. The average home in the study had 3.83 bikes (that includes many who were not ‘friends of fatty’).

    So Fatty’s well above average, but far from the extremes.

  73. Comment by Josh | 02.28.2008 | 7:15 am

    Guys – you still don’t have it figured out, do you? It’s soooo simple. You CAN get a new bike whenever you want. The key is to buy her a new bike too. She will be so enamoured that she has a shiny new steed – and the fact that you thought of her, she won’t notice or even care about your new bike.

  74. Comment by Josh | 02.28.2008 | 7:20 am

    ..and I just read the post by sans auto. Only 16? I think there are 13 just in my garage – wait 14 – my daughter just got a new road bike yesterday. Now as far as how many bikes are in the basement, shed and stored at work….

  75. Comment by Little1 | 02.28.2008 | 8:23 am

    ok i didn’t tell my husband exactly how much i spent in the shop on my bike and new kit last week… but it didn’t take much to figure it out. His response was PERFECT and i quote “sweet you need to spend on yourself and the sport you love, if it makes you feel good then you should invest in it, when you are happy and have invested in yourself then you are able to invest more in others and that is important.” I LOVE THIS MAN!

  76. Comment by KanyonKris | 02.28.2008 | 8:58 am

    Born4Lycra – an intervention is when a group of friends, relatives, etc. get together to confront a person about their problem (i.e. addiction). The purpose is to show the person how their behavior is out of control and must change – to snap the person out of denial. The group also expresses their love, concern and support for the person. Kind of a tough love wake up call.

  77. Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 02.28.2008 | 12:58 pm

    Oh ok. Cheers KK. My wife Sal’s idea of an intervention then would include the icy stare of death and tough love without the love bit. Thanks for the answer.

  78. Comment by flossy | 02.29.2008 | 3:36 am

    It’s one for one in our household. I’ve averaged a new bike every year since 2004 and only parted with one so far. The other half is currently researching his next acquisition to make the stakes even!!

  79. Comment by Dan K | 02.29.2008 | 1:26 pm


    Axel just hooked it up! I mean, you have to do the Mexican and BBQ thing while you’re there, it’s mandatory. I’m talking about the velodrome. Velodrome! Open for training on Tues & Thursday evenings!! Velodrome, open, for training!!! Dude!!!! Bring a track bike if you still have one, or the Filmore with a fixed cog if you really did get rid of the Pista.

    Somehow I have a feeling the Pista ended up “sold” to a friend, and you could “borrow” it with a mere phone call. I’m not the only one that “sells” bike stuff like that, am I? Wait, I can’t be, because I’ve got bikes my friends “sold” me in the same fashion. Anyway, we your loyal subjects want a velodrome ride report!

  80. Comment by trio | 03.2.2008 | 12:31 pm

    Brilliant, sounds just like something that happened in my house. Oh went away for three days, came back to two new bikes. But I still only own four – not including the two I’m selling.

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