April Fools’ Jokes for Cyclists
I don’t think that I’ve mentioned before that my good friend Kenny is being sponsored by Spot bikes this year. Yeah, that’s right: the company doing that radically cool new belt drivetrain.
Well, they just sent him his bike (Unfortunately, Kenny hasn’t received the seatpost, saddle, or (saddest of all) drivetrain yet — those arrive next week). So Kenny — who just happens to have a photo studio in the back of his store — took and sent a few pictures. Always wanting to engender good feelings among my female demographic, I’m happy to share.
As a service for the ladies out there who want to make Kenny their desktop image, you can click on any of the below pictures for a larger version.
Kenny does his “Blue Steel” look. Little does he realize that I’ve let the air out of his front tire.
Insert drivetrain here. Also, check out those sexy spoke nipples.
Look at the components here. This was not built on the cheap.
I notice three things about this picture. First, Kenny looks so happy he may soon bust out into giggles. Second, due to the way the crank is positioned, it looks like Kenny’s wearing very high heeled shoes. Third, those glasses make him look like he needs to get back to work on at turning the lathe.
Like a lot of cyclists, I’m very interested to get a firsthand look at that belt drivetrain. Once Kenny’s got his bike together, I promise a good long writeup, with lotsa pictures…both of the bike and of Mr. Jones.
April Fools Jokes for Cyclists
A Note from Fatty: I’ve got a new article posted at BikeRadar today. You know the drill: you can read a snippet below, or click here to read the whole thing at BikeRadar.com.
April first is right around the corner, which means you need to put all other thoughts aside and ask yourself: “How can I, as a cyclist, make a fool of my friends and family?”
Due to the expensive nature of the sport, the complex social interactions involved, and the obscene amount of time cycling requires, your April Fools’ jokes options are practically unlimited.
I offer these as examples.
New Bike
If you are anything at all like me, you have from time to time tried to sneak a bike into the stable, hoping your better half won’t notice one more bike among the legions already there. Therefore, if your significant other is anything like mine, she (or he) makes a point of scanning the garage on a daily basis, taking inventory of your bike stable to see if it has grown.
So, this April Fools, borrow a bike — a really nice bike, of about the same size of your other bikes — from a friend. Not to ride, but just to park. Put it by your other bikes in such a way that it looks like you’re trying to hide it.
And then don’t say a word.
When your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever eventually notices and asks about the bike, simply reply, “It’s just a bike.”
“You bought a bike without consulting me?” will be the response.
Look away. Swallow. Stammer. Then say, “Not exactly.”
“Exactly what, then?”
Which is when you say “April Fools!” and you both have a good laugh, or you get clobbered with the nearest heavy, blunt object. Could go either way.
Let the Air Out of One Tire
Before the ride, let all the air out of one of your riding buddy’s tires (while they’re not looking, of course). It’s a well-known fact that cyclists have a conditioned reflex to flats: go into FFTT (Flat Fix Time Trial) mode — see how fast they can fix the flat, without ever taking into consideration the possibility that nothing at all is wrong with the tire, except of course that there’s no air in it.
The best part of this trick is, of course, watching them futilely hunt for the offending thorn or piece of glass in the tire. Just for fun, keep count to yourself of how many revolutions of tire inspection they go through before giving up.
Bonus money-saving trick: After your riding friend has changed the tire, volunteer graciously to take the tube. You’ll get points for taking a bad tube off their hands, with the added benefit of having been given — absolutely free — a perfectly good tube.
Click here to continue reading “April Fools Jokes for Cyclists” at BikeRadar.com.
Comment by Orbea Girl | 03.28.2008 | 7:42 am
Great article as alawys however you may want to re-think your first April Fool’s suggestion. There’s a few lines on Bike Radar about Robin Williams’ divorce from his 2nd wife noting he has 60 plus bikes in his garage. While there’s no mention of whether or not they were a contributing factor in the divorce – you have to wonder.
Comment by Lori | 03.28.2008 | 8:00 am
I love April Fool’s Day-it’s my birthday. No, really, it is! And my maiden name was Nutt! No, really, it was!
I actually pulled the “Make the Call” joke on my father when I was a teenager. Let’s just say that he didn’t think it was quite as funny as I did.
Comment by Mocougfan | 03.28.2008 | 8:46 am
Fatty,
Did you lend Robin Williams your glasses? http://www.bikeradar.com/gallery/article/wife-of-actor-and-avid-cyclist-robin-williams-files-for-divorce-15356?img=1
Comment by KT | 03.28.2008 | 8:53 am
The above referenced pic reminded me of a question: why does Lance always ride in the drops??
And in the above referenced pic: wow, Robin Williams sure has a spare tire going on there… and the kit does absolutely nothing (good) for him.
Comment by fatty | 03.28.2008 | 9:07 am
mocougfan – robin williams’ glasses look nothing like mine. ie, they don’t scream “evil alien.”
kt – i’d love to pile on with you, but i’ve got this pot/kettle thing going on with poking fun at paunchy, hairy, middle-aged guys.
Comment by dougg | 03.28.2008 | 9:11 am
loved “make the call” It had me laughing as I thought about doing it to my wife. But as I just had a car accident a couple of weeks ago I don’t think it will go over too well!
Comment by Di | 03.28.2008 | 9:49 am
“Let the Air Out of One Tire”
You’re riding solo on April 1st, aren’t you?
Comment by bikemike | 03.28.2008 | 10:34 am
Hey honey, we won the lottery…NOT!
boy howdy,that’s rip snortin’ funny one.
does cast iron really hurt when it hits you in the head?
Comment by the greg | 03.28.2008 | 11:12 am
as usual, hilarious. i’m gonna “make the call” on the first. thanks for the inspiration, also. i’m gonna try and get down to 180. the best part, i way 270 now, so i have lots of room to eat below my calorie needs. funny how it gets harder the closer to your goal you get, not that i know yet. Happy “make people look stupid” Day to all!
Comment by chtrich | 03.28.2008 | 11:41 am
making the call
Comment by mbonkers | 03.28.2008 | 11:57 am
I’m busy growing grass seed in a surplus keyboard.
Comment by Tobin | 03.28.2008 | 12:03 pm
A couple of years ago my kids left a note on my (then nearly brand-new, scratch-free Dura-Ace-equipped race bike):
“Daddy, sorry for denting your bike”
Ha ha.
Comment by Uphillbattle | 03.28.2008 | 1:35 pm
What bike?
Comment by Mike Roadie | 03.28.2008 | 1:50 pm
I’m going to stop wasting my time reading silly cycling blogs………RIDICULOUS!!!!!!
Comment by judi | 03.28.2008 | 2:50 pm
Those pics really made me laugh! Kenny looks hysterical in those pix! You be sure to tell him I love his glasses. :) And nice shoes!
Comment by LanterneRouge | 03.28.2008 | 4:01 pm
Fatty, I wore my free (thank you very much) FC t-shirt to work today. The first words out of my boss’ mouth were, “Finally, truth in adverting!”
Sadly, he’s right.
Comment by LanterneRouge | 03.28.2008 | 4:02 pm
Advertising not adverting. /slaps forehead
Comment by KanyonKris | 03.28.2008 | 7:54 pm
Good stuff Fatty and Kenny. Keeping it real … ly silly. Or maybe light and frothy sounds better.
I guess if belt drives are good enough for Messers Harley and Davidson, it’s good enough for Kenny.
Go ahead and giggle Kenny. As an avid cycling man in the company of other cyclists here you are allowed to with no demerits to your manliness rating. Let s/he among us who would not also giggle with glee cast the first chainring.
Comment by Charlie Cushman | 03.28.2008 | 8:54 pm
These would have been awesome if I had not been sprayed by a skunk today and fell off my bicycle. In San Diego. On a road bike.
Comment by Tim D | 03.29.2008 | 2:35 am
Just read out the “make the call” bit to my wife and got the look. It said “don’t even think about it”.
Comment by Bitter | 03.29.2008 | 7:27 am
Brilliant as usual fatty! :)
Comment by Michael P. | 03.29.2008 | 1:49 pm
Am I the only one that saw the pictures of Kenny and thought, “biker fox”?
Comment by ibisss | 03.29.2008 | 2:33 pm
I wonder if bikes are the cheaper alternative to Robin Williams’ earlier hobby–cocaine. 60 high-end bikes may come close to the nose candy for expensivity.
M Burdge
Comment by Don (cyclingphun.blogspot.com) | 03.29.2008 | 4:39 pm
That’s a really hot bike Kenny! I especially like the way they tied the red King items into it, and the lack of seat and seat post. I have to admit, there’s a deluge of questions running through my mind in regards to the lack of drive train. As it stands I think Fatty will kick your a** in Leadville this year if you continue down this “no drive-train” path.
So what are you doing with the Fisher that I’ve admired for sometime now?
Comment by Don (cyclingphun.blogspot.com) | 03.29.2008 | 4:45 pm
Kenny: By the way… I like the glasses! Don’t let Fatty give ya sh… for them!
Comment by Andrew Brautigam | 03.29.2008 | 5:18 pm
That isn’t a belt drive bike – there’s no provision for detaching the chainstay to thread the belt through. Sorry to bust your bubble, but that’s a conventional single speed set up.
Comment by fatty | 03.29.2008 | 5:33 pm
andrew – take a look at the larger version of the second picture (click on the picture to see the larger one) and you’ll see a little slit where the frame can be pulled apart, making room for the belt. I’ll have kenny take some pictures of how it comes apart and goes back together; it’s pretty slick, and practically unnoticeable.
Comment by leroy | 03.29.2008 | 7:33 pm
I dunno, you might want to add a chain to that drive train.
Just in case.
Sort of like a belt and suspenders.
Comment by Andrew Brautigam | 03.30.2008 | 4:15 am
I love being wrong in public. I didn’t see the break in the dropout – all of the other belt drive bikes I’ve seen have had a break on the chain stay. That is smooove. Held together by the bolt on hub. Nice.
Comment by Bones | 03.30.2008 | 6:18 am
The fake flat doesn’t go far enough. Why not temporarily “disappear” the whole bike? Got a good kick out of all but the phone call. Anyone who pulls that one is just plain cruel!
Comment by Pammap | 03.30.2008 | 6:42 am
I did the double take on the high heel thing too. Great pix, though! Thanks for sharing.
Comment by cheapie | 03.30.2008 | 1:09 pm
uh yeah. i thought of biker fox as well. heh.
btw, are those the king hubs kenny won in that race last year? if i’m not mistaken, those were red disc hubs similar to the ones on the bike.
Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 03.30.2008 | 4:52 pm
If I had that many pictures of my buddy fondling his bike(or anything else for that matter), my wife might wonder about who the joke was really on. All this leg shaving and hero worship has my finger on speed dial to the eagle forum.(Utah thing)
Comment by Boz | 03.31.2008 | 4:18 am
I’d prefer pictures of Mrs. Jones instead. No offense, Kenny.
Comment by Lowrydr | 03.31.2008 | 8:32 am
Wait a minute, doesn’t that front ring have teeth. That’d be kinda hard on a belt wouldn’t it? Other than that it’s one sweet ride for sure.
Comment by Garrett | 03.31.2008 | 11:42 am
Kenny would make a great Austin Powers stunt double. He could even use his own glasses!
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Comment by AbnerJack | 02.2.2011 | 3:06 am
Excellent post. If I had that many pictures of my buddy fondling his bike.