Write a Catchy Limerick, Get Free Stuff

03.26.2008 | 8:55 pm

Here’s an amazing fact about one of my best friends, Brad Keyes: he makes a living as an independent mortgage broker.

I’ll let that just soak in for a while. Once you’ve recovered from your dumbfoundedness, I’ll be happy to continue.

Brad is also working on putting a couple of yurts on some land he just purchased on Gooseberry Mesa, which will give him the bar-none most-desirable mountain biking camping destination in Utah, which is saying a lot.

By the way, I have already gotten him to promise to do a contest on my blog to win a guided overnighter to Gooseberry once he’s all set up. It’s going to be the most hotly contested contest on this site ever.

And today, Brad’s got yet another venture he’s announcing, and a chance for you to win.

carborocket CarboRocket: Drinktastic
I’m not certain what makes Brad try doing what he does. But he tends to pull it off.

One of the things he’s doing right now is inventing his own sports drink: CarboRocket. Right now, he has only one flavor: mango, though I understand he’s come up with another flavor he likes just as well: kiwi-lime. He’s tried coming up with other flavors, but he’s scratched them, because they didn’t taste good.

It is, without question, the most awesome sports drink I have ever tried. Because it tastes good. It’s mellow. Not particularly sweet.

And it’s made by a friend of mine, either in his garage or kitchen (I hope it’s in his kitchen, but I haven’t asked and don’t think I will).

And, as of today, it’s for sale. You can buy it at CarboRocket.com. And you should.

But you can also win a canister of it. By — naturally — writing an awesome limerick about CarboRocket.

The Contest
The idea behind this contest is ridiculously simple, although perhaps more ridiculous than simple. In my comments section, write a limerick about CarboRocket. Brad will pick as many of the limericks as he likes and combine them into a CarboRocket Theme Song Mashup, which we shall force Kenny to sing (Kenny has an awesome singing voice, and I’m not kidding). We’ll record it, put it to music, and make it available for download. Hey, maybe we’ll make a video.

If he likes your limerick, you get a 20-serving canister of CarboRocket, free. It’s that easy.

But I have a couple restrictions I’d like to arbitrarily impose, just because, as the world’s best sports blogger, I can.

  • Mind your meter: If the meter of the limerick feels forced or is just plain off, it’s disqualified. Kenny’s gotta sound good when he sings this thing; you can’t expect him to squeeze in an extra three syllables into the bar just because you couldn’t think of a shorter word that rhymes with “triumverate.”
  • No fake rhymes: I hate sight rhymes. I hate near rhymes. If it doesn’t seem like a rhyme to my six year olds, it’s not.
  • Be both clever and bizarre. That’s not actually a restriction I’m imposing; it’s more of a tip to help you ingratiate yourself with Brad.
  • Do not use the word “pocket” in your limerick. I know, it’s the most obvious rhyme to “rocket.” Too obvious. So I’m eliminating it, just to throw my weight around. You should just be glad I’m not also eliminating “socket,” “locket,” and “knock it.”

Good luck. I’m sure you’ll win. But maybe you’d better go ahead and order a canister right now, just in case you don’t.


  1. Comment by Greg | 03.26.2008 | 9:22 pm

    Carbo-Rocket has now arrived
    Sports drink flavors have been revived
    Kiwi-Lime is sublime
    Mango’s more than fine
    Try them out or you’ll be deprived

  2. Comment by Greg | 03.26.2008 | 9:29 pm


    In the public opinion court
    Cases are tried on fuels for sport
    You’ll find Carbo-Rocket
    Now on the docket
    Winning jurors taste buds’ support

  3. Comment by Thud | 03.26.2008 | 10:00 pm

    A cassette short just a sprocket
    describes the inventor of CarboRocket
    When his bank balance groans,
    and he’s got no more loans,
    maybe Fatty’s bike shop’ll stock it…

  4. Comment by Abby | 03.26.2008 | 10:09 pm

    You should buy CarboRocket;
    Its tasty, great value, and it works;
    This isn’t a limerick,
    Nor does it rhyme,
    But I don’t care – just buy CarboRocket.

  5. Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 10:26 pm

    When taking your bike for a spin
    You need to be charged from within
    CarboRocket by Brad
    (Even though he’s quite mad)
    Let’s you hydrate, endure and then win

  6. Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 10:26 pm

    PS – I vote for Thud

  7. Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 10:27 pm

    PPS – Urk. Misplaced apostrophe. Bugger!

  8. Comment by Dobovedo | 03.26.2008 | 10:27 pm

    There’s a new sports drink called Carbo’Rocket
    It makes you go fast so don’t knock it
    Mango’s the flave
    And now it’s my fave
    When I drink it I rock my 12 sprocket

  9. Comment by frid | 03.26.2008 | 10:40 pm

    Whenever you’re at your worst,
    And utterly dying of thirst:
    See how far you can go
    With Carborocket in mango—
    You might even make it there first.

  10. Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 11:01 pm

    CarboRocket turns our Priscilla
    From a girl to a fighting gorilla
    In CR she’ll trust
    Leave the rest in the dust
    On her bike, Priscilla’s a killer

  11. Comment by Ryan Cousineau | 03.26.2008 | 11:10 pm

    When you’re deep in oxygen debt
    CarboRocket won’t taste like sweat
    This drink is the first
    that will quench your thirst
    While keeping your whistle all whet

    Too fey?

    Fatty’s tongue was truly on fire
    No really — it never was drier
    At the trailside he stopped
    Then a bottle he popped,
    And CarboRocketed — the drink of desire!

  12. Comment by Weean | 03.27.2008 | 12:15 am

    There once was a rider named fatty
    Whose racing was decidedly tatty
    He drank some Carb Rocket(TM)
    And proceeded to shock it
    Beating all, and looking quite natty

  13. Comment by Weean | 03.27.2008 | 12:16 am

    Er, that’s CarboRocket, obviously

  14. Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 1:35 am

    If in a yurt is your dream place to be
    Riding the mesas on your M-T-B
    Then drink CarboRocket
    Your riding will “rock-it”
    And you might meet the F-A-T-T-I-E!

  15. Comment by Give me the bike instead! | 03.27.2008 | 1:51 am

    There once was a bike that was so fly
    That its name was in fact Superfly
    But when Fatty rode it home
    The bike said “yo, hold it homes
    Give me to Brad ‘for you die!”

  16. Comment by CiA (Canuck in Australia) | 03.27.2008 | 1:58 am

    A new energy drink- Carbo Rocket
    Gives you torque to put into your sprocket
    The lift it will bring
    Just might make you sing
    “I could ride from Moab to Woonsocket”

  17. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 03.27.2008 | 4:18 am

    First off I have to admit I needed to throw “yurts” at wiki before I could read beyond paragraph 3.

    Now that everyone is clear on my level of ignorance, let’s proceed with the bit that I am far more knowledgeable about… sports drinks. I have just revisited electrolyte replacement products after a nasty reaction to “sports drinks” circa 1985. A reaction that was no doubt multiplied in my teenage mind by the horror associated with vomiting in a non-alcohol induced circumstance.

    Remember along with me the 1985 sports drink. Someone decided that because their shirt was salty at the end of a long ride, or an honest day’s labour, that salt needed to be put back in. Except exercise physiology wasn’t the science that it is today. No, it was more like the lottery. Salt’s salt? Right? If salt is coming out, then salt must go back in. Dissolve salt in water and drink. And puke. Dissolve salt in water, mask with some citrus derivative and drink. Don’t puke quite as often, mostly only when you’re in digestive distress from dehydration.

    Now we’re 2 decades further down the pipe. Now sports drinks have “electrolytes”, not salt; although if you Google electrolytes and then go to several non-academic sights you’ll soon find references to salt that are closer to the truth than the FDA would be happy about.

    The only thing that hasn’t changed in 20 odd years is the whole flavour thing. Sports drinks don’t taste good. Not vanilla coke good. Not scotch and dry good. Better, but not good.

    My message to Brad… if you invent a flavour that doesn’t taste good, sell it. There’ll be someone out there who wants it. He’s probably a ‘roid freak who trains 23 hours a day under his “no pain, no gain” banner. Maybe that motto wasn’t originally directed at culinary pain but with a good promotional campaign I think you’re on a winner. And why should your gladiator/client’s cash be any less valuable than a discerning customer.

    As for a limerick. I don’t think so. If you know me at all you know I sported a power mullet in the ‘80s. If you’re going to have the word rocket in your product then you need Def Leppard to sing your jingle.

  18. Comment by Larry | 03.27.2008 | 4:28 am

    There once was a man named Davy Crockett
    Who wore no jewelry, not even a locket.
    He could’ve been like Lance
    and given Texas a chance
    If only he drank a Carbo Rocket

  19. Comment by LanterneRouge | 03.27.2008 | 4:59 am

    All of the limericks I can come up with involve a girl from Nantucket. Sorry but I’ll have to pass on this contest.

  20. Comment by Turt99 | 03.27.2008 | 5:14 am

    Carbo-Rocket is not to Sweet
    Carbo-Rocket works great in the Heat
    It’s Fatty’s favorite Fuel
    It will make you climb like a mule
    Carbo-Rocket makes a nice tasty Treat!

  21. Comment by FliesOnly | 03.27.2008 | 5:16 am

    Well, here’s my effort:

    If ya wanna ride fast,
    and leave em in the dust, like a comet
    You’ll need a sports drink
    that won’t make ya vomit

    Try the new CarboRocket,
    it’s just such a drink
    It’ll let you go ride
    to beyond your old brink

    Electrolytes, carbs,
    and just a hint of some mango
    This is the drink
    that’ll getcha doing a two-pedaled tango

    So when it’s time to go ride,
    like the fast and the furious
    Just start with some CarboRocket
    and stop being curious

    Again, that’s CarboRocket
    and though we’re not sure how it’s made
    One thing we do know for sure,
    it’s certainly NOT Gatorade

  22. Comment by Uphill Battle | 03.27.2008 | 5:55 am

    Wait! Kenny is hot and he has an awesome singing voice!?! Mrs. Kenny is a very luck lady.

  23. Comment by bradk | 03.27.2008 | 5:58 am

    Rest assured everyone that I’m not mixing it up in the garage. Ha ha, very funny, Fatty. Not only does the dog sleep in the garage but the utility sink was way too small. Turns out the tub in the master bath is the perfect size for a 100 container batch and no dog smell.

    Love the limericks.

  24. Comment by buckythedonkey | 03.27.2008 | 6:04 am

    Endless climb on a low-geared sprocket,
    there’s a bonk on the way, so block it!
    Alpe d’Huez or Box Hill,
    That sub-9 at LeadVille.
    There’s one drink you should sink: CarboRocket!

  25. Comment by mgr | 03.27.2008 | 6:09 am

    Going up, it’s my tail they see,
    And no one goes down quite like me.
    The CarboRocket I’m burning,
    Keeps my pedals turning
    Fast circles, and I’m yelling, “Yippee!”

  26. Comment by SyracuseStu | 03.27.2008 | 6:40 am

    My CarboRocket is Mango
    It hits with a bang and then I go
    Helps me go fast
    My friends come in last
    It is the best fuel that I know.

  27. Comment by SyracuseStu | 03.27.2008 | 6:48 am

    CarboRocket in Kiwi-Lime
    Keeps legs and lungs in their prime
    Banish Thigh burn
    Up the hills you will churn
    Makes rides a speedy-good time!

    Drink Anything else it’s a crime. I can’t decide.

  28. Comment by Marrock | 03.27.2008 | 6:52 am

    “CarboRocket: It doesn’t come in margarita flavor.”

    PS. I don’t do rhymes, just the occasional haiku.

  29. Comment by Jim | 03.27.2008 | 6:55 am

    There once was a girl from Nantucket,
    Who liked to drink by the bucket,
    But her usual fare left her worst for wear,
    For other brands left her tired and bare,
    And now she drinks sweet carbo-rocket.

    (In my country it is 2am. Do I get pity points? :) )

  30. Comment by Bander | 03.27.2008 | 6:56 am

    Brad, you seem to be missing a word here on your Carborocket website:

    “Before any race my kids would ask, Dad, are going to puke today? ”

    Or maybe your kids just talk funny.
    Bander = helpful

  31. Comment by L'Hippo | 03.27.2008 | 7:09 am

    The sports drinks he tried were like dreck.
    Carbo-Rocket, new flavor, what the heck,
    Mango yum, kiwi-lime,
    The new taste was sublime,
    Legs of steel now the field just a speck!

    ~~not funny enough?~~

    The wheelman drank only martinis,
    And concerned was he ‘bout his weenie,
    Carbo-Rocket the brand,
    That restored him a man,
    Now he rides like Cipollini

    I tried to get the meter right (anapestic) but then again my wife’s the English major, not me!

  32. Comment by SYJ | 03.27.2008 | 7:12 am

    I know of a fat dude who bikes
    But could not find a sports drink he likes
    He tried Carbo Rocket
    Shifted to a small sprocket
    And cleans climbs with no more bike-hikes

  33. Comment by Uphill Battle | 03.27.2008 | 7:54 am

    I like SYJ’s the best so far…except I’m not the judge.

  34. Comment by bikemike | 03.27.2008 | 8:05 am

    there once was a man from Carbo Rocket
    who always rode in the big sprocket
    to keep it in that gear
    without using beer
    he came up with this drink
    that he invented in his sink
    and guess what, it doesn’t even stink.

  35. Comment by buzz kill | 03.27.2008 | 8:12 am

    “… Turns out the tub in the master bath is the perfect size for a 100 container batch and no dog smell.”

    He mixes Carbo Rocket in his bath?
    It makes you do the math.
    If you drink his drink when you hit the wall,
    are you are being revived by the salt from his______s?

    I apologize if this is too crude, I could not resist.

  36. Comment by Miles Archer | 03.27.2008 | 8:19 am

    There once was a girl from Crockett
    blah blah Carbo Rocket
    lah lah lah
    lah lah lah
    blah blah blah fockit

    I’ve got to do some work. You can fill in the blanks

  37. Comment by Grant in Richmond | 03.27.2008 | 8:19 am

    CarboRocket it sings of a glory-spent race
    Of rider and man in a certain first place
    Sip he from the bottle
    Doth he hit the throttle
    And others yell “Dust without trace!”

  38. Comment by Mike Roadie | 03.27.2008 | 8:29 am


  39. Comment by Mocougfan | 03.27.2008 | 8:30 am

    I’m not a Rhymer…Congo has the best so far.

  40. Comment by DSHambone | 03.27.2008 | 8:53 am

    Taking a break from justice’s docket
    And wrenching her Canondale sprocket
    A fast Century she sought
    Poor hydration was naught
    For the counselor packed CarboRocket

  41. Comment by JEnn | 03.27.2008 | 8:57 am

    Elden writes a great blog
    He rode this year’s Frozen Hog
    Now here’s something new
    Carbo Rocket ensues
    As the drink that shines through the fog

  42. Comment by JEnn | 03.27.2008 | 8:57 am

    * I’m a struggling scientist, not a wordsmith

  43. Comment by TeeBone | 03.27.2008 | 9:05 am

    As he hammered a miserable grade
    fueled on Gu and – of course – Gatoraid
    Fatty started to twirl
    and was just ’bout to hurl
    “CarboRocket”, he silently prayed.

  44. Comment by leroy | 03.27.2008 | 9:30 am

    My beer is Rheingold the dry beer.
    Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer.
    It’s not bitter, not sweet,
    It’s the extra dry treat.
    Won’t you try extra dry Rheingold beer?

    Oh wait. I think I misread the rules.

    How about:

    I like CarboRocket and I can not lie.
    You other brothers can’t deny.
    When your throat is parched
    And your mouth is starched …

    You get sprung.
    Just thinking about what
    That stuff gonna do to your tongue.

    My body tried to bonk me
    My posse start to honk me,
    But that CarboRocket in my pocket
    Make me so Lance Armstrongy.

    Too derivative? Not enough limerick? “Pocket” internal couplet too close to a disqualifying rhyme? Not to worry, we can fix that:

    I like CarboRocket and I can not lie.
    You other brothers can’t deny.
    When your mouth is parched
    And your tongue is starched
    You gotta hydrate or die.

    Or maybe just:

    Most sports drinks taste like crap
    Or make you want to nap
    But C R kiwi lime or mango
    Keep me from riding too slow
    They make my synapses snap.

  45. Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 03.27.2008 | 10:04 am

    I am not talented enough of a writer to contribute, but I really like buckythedonkey’s entry. And got a good laugh from Miles Archer.

  46. Comment by Greg | 03.27.2008 | 10:04 am

    Last one:

    The Carbo-Rocket has landed
    We’ll never again feel stranded
    Bonks need not cause fear
    So long as it’s near
    and tongues won’t feel like they’re sanded!

  47. Comment by Kirk | 03.27.2008 | 10:21 am

    There now is a new carbo-rocket
    Do your next ride and clock it
    Then drink when you ride
    and Drink it with pride
    Now you’re faster with your sprocket

  48. Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 03.27.2008 | 10:29 am

    There once was a rocket with carbo,
    as wonderful as gretta garbo,
    you will not get gassy,
    with a drink that’s this classy,
    It tastes great after a red marlborough.

    CarboRocket is a sports drink with class
    guaranteed to be kind to your ass
    optimized Fuel Delivery,
    to inflict total misery
    and strip your oponents of their pestiferous sass

  49. Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 03.27.2008 | 10:31 am

    remove the ‘your’ from the last line

  50. Comment by Bob | 03.27.2008 | 10:43 am

    I have never been to Nantucket
    So I take my bike out and huck it
    When I need a boost, on mango get juiced
    CarboRocket rhymes not with Nantucket

  51. Comment by Thud | 03.27.2008 | 11:17 am

    He had the right shirt and right sprocket,
    and cleared his entire work docket,
    A Leadville sub-nine,
    and Elden felt fine!
    His secret: yessir! CarboRocket

  52. Comment by 29er | 03.27.2008 | 11:34 am

    Spread the word to all friends of Fatty’s
    CarboRocket’s fast fuel by Brad Keyes!
    Sample packs at the yurt
    just might not hurt.
    His next flavor? Of course, gooseberries!

  53. Comment by Thud | 03.27.2008 | 11:49 am

    The TDF committee agrees,
    we’ll watch as each rider pees.
    We’ll slap ‘em around
    If CarboRocket is found!
    No day on the Champs-Elysees!

  54. Comment by Jim Pettit | 03.27.2008 | 11:58 am

    When you climb it or bike it or walk it,
    It’s better to drink CarboRocket.
    If you’re going hardcore,
    Pick it up at the store
    (If you can’t, tell the grocer to stock it).

  55. Comment by gus | 03.27.2008 | 12:06 pm

    Next time you spin your sprocket,
    Try some new Carbo-Rocket.
    It will make you ride fast,
    Give you power to last,
    And outride the bear AND Davey Crockett.

  56. Comment by WMdeR | 03.27.2008 | 12:28 pm

    There once was a drink CarboRocket
    With Fat Cyclist blogging to hock it.
    But how does it taste?
    Did good words go to waste?
    To find out I must try CarboRocket.

  57. Comment by Caloi Rider | 03.27.2008 | 12:34 pm

    CarboRocket will give you your fix
    When you’re riding your bike in the sticks
    If you can’t stand the heat,
    and have nothing to eat,
    Drink this, then impress all the chicks

  58. Comment by Andy from WV | 03.27.2008 | 12:45 pm

    Since the invention of CarboRocket mango
    I’ve ditched my supply of EPO.
    Now when I’m slummin’
    I slam one of these bitches and my tires start hummin’

    “CarboRocket, it’s better than EPO!”

  59. Comment by Jay | 03.27.2008 | 1:31 pm

    When giving your all in hot weather,
    when your ass weighs more than a feather,
    try this new carbo-rocket
    don’t just say ‘oh, fockit’
    or your mouth will taste just like shoe leather.

  60. Comment by L'Hippo | 03.27.2008 | 1:38 pm

    When presenting to the Japanese market, perhaps a 2 stanza haiku will do…

    Mountain or Roadie
    hydrate or die; fuel choice
    means shame or glory

    Drink Carbo Rocket
    Ambrosial God-Nectar
    Ascend Podium

  61. Comment by KT | 03.27.2008 | 2:05 pm

    I can’t come up with a limerick, I’m no good with rhyming words.

    Question, though, and I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade here; Brad, please don’t take offense, I’m just cautious about what I put into my system!

    How does a mortgage broker/bike rider get into the drink-making biz? What sort of experience/education/permits or licenses do you have to have to produce and sell a “sports drink”, even over the internet?

    Also, what sort of testing did you do ahead of time to show that it’s not something that’ll turn up to be bad for people?

    I like to read the labels and do the research ahead of time. I’m weird that way.

  62. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 03.27.2008 | 2:20 pm

    61 responses and while there’s been references to Nantucket, there’s not a limerick addressing the tradition yet.


    There once was a girl from Nantucket
    Who drank Gatorade by the bucket
    ’til Brad hit the scene
    And answered her dream
    By offering CarboRocket

    You’re welcome

  63. Comment by TeeBone | 03.27.2008 | 2:45 pm

    Dang, there are some sweet limerick poets round here! I’m not worthy.

    Brother Nelsen was weak in his knees
    so he phoned up his pal and said Please
    hook me up with some juice
    that’ll set my beast loose
    CarboRocket, by one Bradley Keyes!

  64. Comment by graisseux | 03.27.2008 | 3:07 pm

    From the Greek’s Golden mean to Feng Shui
    Man has sought for a more balanced way
    I tell you my friend
    The search can now end
    2 to 1’s here to rescue the day

    I swear the meter works in that last line. Just emphasize the “1″ and you’ve got yourself the perfect limerick.

  65. Comment by Saso | 03.27.2008 | 3:08 pm

    Not only is this the best sport blog but it has the best readers as well. So much fun to read the comments.
    No limerick from me, I am not native. It is sufficient to know what limerick means.

  66. Comment by kentucky joe | 03.27.2008 | 3:13 pm

    endruance atheletes drink it all day,
    it’s made with care in the usa.
    drink CarboRocket and you’ll know,
    that’s the fuel that makes them go.

    it tastes so good and never leaves you dry,
    CarboRocket makes the competition cry.
    It’s the sports drink others see as you pass them by,
    they say there goes that CarboRocket fueled endurance guy.

    and girls on the go drink it too,
    they love the exotic flavor CarboRocket brew.
    the stuff that goes in is only the best,
    CarboRocket girls put it to the test.

    So if you want to power your workout fun,
    Carborocket is the drink that gets it done.
    your thirst is gone, your tank is full,
    and you keep going, CarboRocket is cool!

  67. Comment by Matthew | 03.27.2008 | 3:55 pm

    There once was a cyclist from Nanmocket
    Who really enjoyed CarboRocket
    He pedaled so fast
    All riders he flew past
    And said,”This stuff is too good to knock it”

    Too bad it doesn’t rhyme with Nantucket…

  68. Comment by bradk | 03.27.2008 | 4:05 pm

    This is going to be hard. I think Tasha and I will sing all of the limericks to our kids tonight, well, not all of them, and pick our faves.

    KT brought up some good questions. I do have a food handlers permit as I mixed up all the initial batches here in the house that I passed out to all the unsuspecting test subjects.

    My knowledge of calculating debt rations and APR’s helped me less than I expected so, I am contracting with a nutritional lab for the mixing and nutritional analysis.

    Beyond that it has basically been trial and error since July of last year (how many bottles can I drink before I pass out?) on how much of which ingredients worked best.

  69. Comment by rokrider | 03.27.2008 | 4:47 pm

    There once was a boy named Brad.
    Who thought his drink choices were sad.
    So he went to his sink,
    And as quick as a wink,
    Now CarboRocket’s the fad.

  70. Comment by guzzijason | 03.27.2008 | 5:04 pm

    My pocket….

    Damn. Can I have a do-over?

  71. Comment by guzzijason | 03.27.2008 | 5:13 pm

    To bonk on a ride really sucks
    If it happens you’ll feel like a putz
    CarboRocket’s the cure
    You’ll be a hero for sure
    And leave everyone else in the dust.

  72. Comment by Pammap | 03.27.2008 | 5:14 pm

    There once was a rider named Fatty
    Sunglasses were really quite ratty
    His friends were all rad
    ’specially Kenny and Brad
    And his blogsite was never too catty

    Now, Fatty had wanted a new drink
    So Brad threw some stuff into the sink
    His horn he did honk
    To all nearing a bonk
    His new sink-drink really did not stink

    To quench Fatty’s thirst Brad succeeded
    To try this new product he treated
    us all to a test
    to see who was the best
    Each lim’rick the next superceded

    So here is the point of my story
    If you seek bike and blogging glory
    CarboRocket you’ll drink
    from Brad’s kitchen sink
    And make sure that your pix aren’t too gory

  73. Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 03.27.2008 | 5:41 pm

    Fatty had a bad sprocket
    and pain in his wrist socket
    but he finished sub nine
    and felt quite divine
    after downing his fave CarboRocket

  74. Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 03.27.2008 | 6:32 pm

    Crap… I know… “socket”

    Fatty had a bad sprocket
    but he knew that he could rock-it
    he’d finished sub nine
    and felt quite divine
    after downing his fave CarboRocket

  75. Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 6:33 pm

    I did this once on St.Paddy’s Day here in Halifax. Write a limerick and win a trip to Ireland and tour the Guinness Brewery.

    I worked for days over this to get the perfect limerick that would win this thing. Everybody that read it agreed even if they liked me or not.

    I got up at five in the morning to be at the pub for six am because it was being judged at breakfast. I was sure I was on my way.

    And then to my horror they reached into a can and drew one out didn’t even read it phoned the winner and sent them off.

    So I don’t waste my words on so called contests anymore.

    I’ll just do what you do fatty and beg.

    Please can I have a rocket

    I’ve got no doe in my pocket

    My ride I will have to hock it

    And with nothing to ride will say Focket.

    Ok, I couldn’t help myself.


  76. Comment by Philly Jen | 03.27.2008 | 7:01 pm

    Uh, “There once was a juice from Nantucket…”

  77. Comment by Lifesgreat | 03.27.2008 | 7:13 pm

    Brad of Fatty’s fan club
    Sells drinks maybe made in his tub.
    I’m a little bit scared
    To drink something so prepared
    That, my friends, is the rub.

  78. Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 7:18 pm

    Where is this Nantucket place… and why does it seem to suck?

  79. Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 7:21 pm

    And while I’m at it. Just who is this guy named Art? And why does he have so many galleries

  80. Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 7:27 pm

    mgr 6:09am is pretty darn good

  81. Comment by Rob S | 03.27.2008 | 8:23 pm

    In Races they all said, “He Stinks”
    A new drink will help – he thinks
    He drank with a grin
    And he pulled off a win
    Carbo Rocket’s now all that he drinks

  82. Comment by leroy | 03.27.2008 | 8:46 pm

    On a long ride, I once tried a new juice,
    Oh my heart soared, but dear Lord, stools were loose.
    My pee turned bright green,
    T’was really obscene.
    The diagnosis was Sports Drink abuse.

    CarboRocket puts that all in the past
    And changed what it means to be “going fast.”
    Goodbye port-a-potty
    And chamois all spotty.
    I’m on the bike, not the crapper, at last.

    (What? Like no one else ever got the green apple quick step on a long ride? Oh all right. I confess. I just thought it would be funny to make your friend sing it.)

  83. Comment by CiA (Canuck in Australia) | 03.27.2008 | 11:00 pm

    It’s great stuff I hear- Carbo Rocket
    Haven’t tried it, so can’t really knock it
    But as everyone knows
    What the Fat Man says goes
    If I could just find a store here to stock it.

  84. Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 11:33 pm

    Senor Fuentes and the good folk at BALCO
    Not to mention Conconi of Milano
    Are all in a tizz
    ‘Cause they just heard of the biz
    Called CarboRocket – O Sole Mio!

  85. Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 11:47 pm

    Bush called and said my man Keyes
    Do something ’bout sub-prime and please
    Down the Street, at Bear Stearns
    They share my concerns
    Can this crisis Carb Rocket help ease?

  86. Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 11:58 pm

    Out of a Mongolian yurt
    He yelled Eureka! I’ve done it, it works!
    With some lime and some mango
    And some bathtub fandango
    I could beat you even wearing a skirt

  87. Comment by Jim Pettit | 03.28.2008 | 2:07 am

    You believe sitting still is a sin?
    Are you driven by wanting to win?
    CarboRocket’s the drink
    That’ll help you, I think,
    Slake the thirst of the athlete within.

  88. Comment by Jim Pettit | 03.28.2008 | 2:43 am

    Okay, one more (this is kinda fun, no?)

    CarboRocket’s the drink that is greater
    For biker or hiker or skater;
    When working or playing,
    You’ll quickly be saying
    Goodbye to the Ade from the Gator!

  89. Comment by Lowrydr | 03.28.2008 | 4:42 am

    Crap, I got nothin…..nope nothin at all. What’s that burning smell and why is my hat warm?

  90. Comment by BurkeInTheOzarks | 03.28.2008 | 5:22 am

    There lives a Fat Cyclist in Orem,
    Whose blog has attained quite a quorum,
    His friend made a drink,
    Fatty likes it, I think,
    So he’ll get many customers for him!

  91. Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 03.28.2008 | 5:36 am

    here goes nothin

    Brad’s made a drink you can’t top it
    Mango flavoured and called Carborocket
    the mix of fructose and maltodextrin
    gives hydration, endurance and the will to win
    so with Fc marketing there’ll be no stopping it!

    If it’s any help I can see Kenny doing this bit operatic style like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody complete with the black nail polish. Can Natalie be in the video too please?

  92. Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 03.28.2008 | 5:36 am

    pretty please?

  93. Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 03.28.2008 | 5:44 am

    The Keyes to winning are clear
    Brad’s gone and made his own beer
    Mango flavoured without hops
    Brad’s Carborocket is tops
    all your hydration problems solved here!

    Time for bed said Zebidee

  94. Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 03.28.2008 | 6:23 am

    I drink carborocket fuel,
    so does my malevolent mule,
    it’s the only drink we likes,
    when we go ride our bikes
    yes, my mule can ride a bike, you fool!

  95. Comment by FoS | 03.28.2008 | 7:04 am

    There once was a fellow named Brad,
    Whose fill of all sports drinks he’d had,
    Their taste needed fixing,
    So he got down to mixing,
    CarboRocket, for which you’ll go mad.

    Didn’t have to time read thru all the others. Hope this doesn’t sound like anyone else’s.

  96. Comment by KT | 03.28.2008 | 8:51 am

    Hey Brad, thanks for the answers.

    I’m not a food expert, I’m the head of the payroll dept of the family accounting firm… I get paid to make sure people are following the rules! :)

    (free advice: incorporate CarboRocket Inc and get a good accountant who can deal with both your corporate and personal tax situations)

    Sounds like good stuff; but as we all know, Fatty will eat anything, so he’s not a good guinea pig.

  97. Comment by Big Mike | 03.28.2008 | 11:20 am

    Okay, it’s not really a Limerick-but then again, CarboRocket isn’t your normal sports drink either!


    As I ride along with heavy legs and a head that’s light
    I glance at the asphalt ribbon out before me
    knowing the end is out of sight.

    The sun-baked road descends gradually to the right
    lacking shade makes it hotter than it should be
    as I ride along with heavy legs and a head that’s light.

    My mind drifts, my thoughts begin to take flight
    agonizing pain that comes from my legs
    knowing the end is out of sight.

    Muscles snap in spasms and cramp clam-tight
    filled with blood that feels like scalding tea
    as I ride along with heavy legs and a head that’s light.

    A water bottle offers me little delight;
    I chug the tepid liquid as I flee
    knowing the end is out of sight.

    I throw back some CarboRocket with all my might
    my legs soon quicken, my head’s not light
    as I ride along knowing the end is now in sight.

  98. Comment by Big Mike | 03.28.2008 | 11:24 am

    BTW-I just soiled myself after reading Leroy’s posting above. Too Funny!!!

    Comment by leroy | 03.27.2008 | 8:46 pm

    On a long ride, I once tried a new juice,
    Oh my heart soared, but dear Lord, stools were loose.
    My pee turned bright green,
    T’was really obscene.
    The diagnosis was Sports Drink abuse.

    CarboRocket puts that all in the past
    And changed what it means to be “going fast.”
    Goodbye port-a-potty
    And chamois all spotty.
    I’m on the bike, not the crapper, at last.

    (What? Like no one else ever got the green apple quick step on a long ride? Oh all right. I confess. I just thought it would be funny to make your friend sing it.)

  99. Comment by mbonkers | 03.28.2008 | 11:52 am

    I’m no wordsmith, but I think with the combined ingenuity of this crowd, we could solve all the worlds problems over a long ride…

    or get in serious trouble.

  100. Comment by AlicesYellowPorsche | 03.28.2008 | 12:21 pm

    Ok, I don’t have a limerick (but I did know what a yurt was, which counts for something), but is it me or is there a disturbing amount of them that involve puking?


  101. Comment by msykes | 03.28.2008 | 1:30 pm

    Limerick #1!
    I went looking for some CarboRocket
    But the local stores here did not stock it
    For that delicous taste
    To the web I made haste
    And found a me a site that would hawk it

    Limerick #2!
    I bought myself some CarboRocket
    But all of my buddies just mocked it
    Until the start of the ride
    And away I just flied
    Like attached to an electrical socket

    Limerick #3!
    My buddies and I were shocked
    Our rivals stood there and mocked
    We had no comeback
    Til we leapt on the track
    In the end they were CarboRocked

  102. Comment by Jen | 03.28.2008 | 1:46 pm

    There was a some guy named Lance
    who wanted to cycle to France
    CarboRocket won’t cure cancer
    But it is the answer
    For the rest of us to dance like Lance

    Energy drinks, the market is vast
    On the shelf is assembled the cast
    You don’t have to think
    when you read for a drink
    CarboRocket makes you go hella fast

    There is nothing worse than a bonk
    Unless it is a car that does honk
    As it runs into you
    and splits you in two
    So drink Carborocket and don’t conk!

    There was a fellow named Kurt
    Biking to yon distant yurt
    His energy faded
    His spirit was jaded
    ’til CarboRocket ended the hurt

    There was a fellow name Lear
    CarboRocket to him was quite dear
    He didn’t sweat green
    or puke a big stream
    But its really not as good as a beer

  103. Comment by Jen | 03.28.2008 | 1:47 pm

    oops, typo

    Energy drinks, the market is vast
    On the shelf is assembled the cast
    You don’t have to think
    when you reaCH for a drink
    CarboRocket makes you go hella fast

  104. Comment by formertdfan | 03.28.2008 | 5:53 pm

    what the hey

    there once was a sport called cycling
    which may lead to the pain of bonking
    but with carborocket on hand
    things will go as planned
    and as you whiz past the cars will be honking

  105. Comment by wing-nut | 03.29.2008 | 5:22 am

    I once worked at the University of Florida with Dr Cade the inventor of gatorade. It took him some time to come up with the proper formulation of his electrolyte replacement drink. He would use 2 recipes and split the football team up into 2 groups to test how well it helped them in the heat and humidity. One combination caused all that drank it to immediately throw up and he said “sometimes science doesn’t trump taste. I thought I poisoned every one of them.”

  106. Comment by FoS | 03.29.2008 | 9:00 am

    Another version….

    There once was a fellow named Brad,
    Whose tastebuds were ever so sad,
    Sports drinks were his bane,
    And he vowed never again,
    So made CarboRocket for all to be had,

  107. Comment by El Animal | 03.29.2008 | 11:57 am

    Refuel on the go
    with CarboRocket,
    and you will see
    how it gets you in the small sprocket!

  108. Comment by El Animal | 03.29.2008 | 12:00 pm

    This one is better.

    Refuel on the go
    with CarboRocket
    and you will ride
    in the small sprocket!

  109. Comment by Debamundo | 03.31.2008 | 7:17 pm

    What’s the deadline on this? I’ve been too busy to work on it, but I still want to try.

  110. Comment by Ryan | 04.1.2008 | 2:30 am

    Fatty crashed and bruised his hip socket.
    A bottle comes from his vest pocket.
    He said with a grin.
    As he wiped off his chin.
    Carbo drink? hell no, Carbo Rocket!

  111. Comment by Ryan | 04.1.2008 | 2:49 am

    From Det. Ricardo ‘Rico’ Tubbs….

    I ride with my pal Sonny Crockett.
    In Miami is where we rock it.
    When we’re not fighting crime.
    We’re winning the prime.
    With the ladies and a cold Carbo Rocket!

  112. Comment by Ryan | 04.1.2008 | 2:57 am

    Why am I obsessed with making this rhyme?
    I guess its to much free time.
    If I give it my best.
    And win this contest.
    I want my Carbo Rocket in lime!

  113. Comment by Snowed2Long | 04.1.2008 | 2:25 pm

    I ventured out to strengthen my inner core,
    Camelbak filled with new flavor galore,
    Sucking up that mango madness,
    I forgot about my lovers & my sadness,
    Forever more… known as the CarboRocker whore.

  114. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Oh, I Am So TOTALLY Going to Win This Race | 04.6.2008 | 5:12 pm

    [...] Congo, Caloi Rider, Jim Pettit, and Weann: Brad has declared you the winners of the CarboRocket Limerick Contest. Congratulations! Email me your shipping address and I’ll have Brad send you your [...]

  115. Comment by Donovan Warren | 08.6.2008 | 10:14 pm

    I know the contest is over, but I just like rhyming and practicing my poetry skill whenever possible, so here goes.

    I’ve never tried CarboRocket
    I wish local bike shops would stock it
    I’d give it a try
    On my bike I would fly
    With the Mango in my back pocket

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