I want to start today’s post by stating that I do not report to Alex, a coworker of mine. He does not affect my salary, and he does not have the ability to fire me. He doesn’t have any sway over whether I ever get a raise or bonus.
So, now that I’ve established that I have no reason to brown-nose Alex, I would like to state, for the record, that he is a genius. Why would I make this bold — some would say "audacious," but I believe that this word has recently been trademarked — claim?
Because he has devised what I believe to be the best Jersey Pocket Food (JPF) that has ever been created.
To be a true JPF, the item must — at a bare minimum — fit in a jersey pocket, and be food.
Simple enough, right?
Well, not so fast, Buster. It may not take much to be a JPF, but being a really great JPF requires so much more. Here are some of the attributes of a really great JPF:
- Easily Edible: Simply being food is kind of a low bar to clear in a JPF. Even the original PowerBars are a JPF by this metric, albeit barely. Easily edible means that you can, while still riding, reach back into your pocket, get the JPF out, remove the packaging, chew and swallow, all while still breathing and hopefully without wrecking. By this more stringent metric, very few foods qualify as a good JPF.
- Delicious: During a long ride, do you actually look forward to eating your JPF? Or does your stomach clench up and you find an excuse to go for another 20 minutes without eating? Your food is not a good JPF if you are reluctant to eat it.
- Highly Available: Suppose you’re in Hurricane (pronounced "HURR-uh-kuhn), Utah, about to spend the day riding Gooseberry Mesa. You need to buy food at the teeny-tiny grocery store there. Will you be able to get your favorite JPF there?
- Good Calorie Mix: Does your JPF have carbs, protein and fat? In other words, is it going to just power you for fifteen minutes, or does it have some legs to it?
Well, the JPF Alex suggested to me a couple of days is all of these. And it’s elegantly simple, too.
You’re probably wishing I’d just finally tell you what it is, aren’t you? Well, too bad. I’m not going to.
The Ultimate JPF
I’m almost reluctant to reveal the ultimate JPF, because now that I know about it, it seems almost ridiculously obvious, like I should have been doing this all along.
But I haven’t been, and I’ll bet you haven’t been, either. So bear that in mind when I — finally — reveal that the ultimate JPF is:
Avocado, sliced onto and folded into a piece of white bread, kept in a sandwich bag.
You may be tempted to add condiments — mayo, etc. Don’t. You don’t need them, and condiments go bad fast.
Yes, that’s really all there is to it. Consider, though:
- It’s easy to get to.
- It’s easy to chew.
- White bread holds together and kind of sticks to itself and the avocado, keeping all together.
- It’s incredibly delicious, even after — no, make that especially after — riding for hours. I tested this last weekend.
- It’s got carbs, the right kind of fat, and protein.
- It’s delicious. In fact, it is widely known that the avocado is the most delicious food in the whole world.
I haven’t tried this on a 5+ hour ride yet, but I plan to this weekend. I can hardly wait.
Try it and let me know what you think. I’ll be happy to forward your praise along to Alex.
PS: Take a Survey, Help a Good Cause: A Fat Cyclist reader is conducting a survey about bike rack accessories. He’s said that he’ll donate $5.00 to the Lance Armstrong Foundation for every survey — up to 200 of them — Fat Cyclist readers do. I went ahead and took it, and found it pretty interesting.
So why don’t you click here to take the survey? You’ll be helping a guy make a decision whether to go into business for himself, and you’ll be donating toward a good cause. Thanks!A big "Thank you" goes to everyone who’s taken the survey; more than 600 of you have taken the it, and he’s donated $1000 to the LAF. He got good data from his target demographic, you helped a guy with an interesting idea, and LAF got more money to help people with cancer.