Join Me for the Inaugural Fat Cyclist Triathalon

04.30.2008 | 10:12 am

A few weeks ago, I went to ride the Corner Canyon trails in Draper, UT. It was kind of a last minute thing, so I didn’t call anyone; I just went.

I climbed on my mountain bike, rode for about 90 minutes, and then rolled back into the parking lot, planning to go home for the day.

And that’s when I saw Dug, suiting up in the parking lot for a ride of his own.

Dug’s mountain bike frame had recently cracked, so he was planning to ride on the road — up the North side of Suncrest and back down. About a 45-minute ride.

Well, as any cyclist knows, when you accidentally run into a riding buddy, it is a certain sign that you ought to be riding together. “I’ve got my road bike with me,” I said. “Just give me a minute to change my shoes and I’ll join you for the ride.”

I made the switch, after which followed the most peculiar cycling sensation I have ever had. The handlebars felt so narrow. The front wheel seemed so close. The tires seemed ridiculous.

“This,” I thought to myself, “is one weird transition. Other cyclists ought to experience it.”

And that’s when it occurred to me: mountain biking and road biking should be part of a triathlon, but one with three great events, instead of the way most triathlons are: one good event, and two really awful ones.

It wouldn’t be until later that I would figure out what the third event would be. More on that in a moment.

Announcing the Inaugural Fat Cyclist Triathalon
I am pleased to announce that I will be putting on my very first event this Summer: The Fat Cyclist Triathalon (please note this is a triathalon, not a triathlon). I am pretty darned certain you’re going to want to mark this on your calendar.

Here’s how it’s going to play out.

  1. Mountain Bike Leg: We’ll begin from my house in Alpine, UT, where we’ll ride mountain bikes up Hog’s Hollow, then down to Sliding Rock — a natural waterslide in the Hog’s Hollow area. The winner of this first leg of the race will be the person who goes down the Sliding Rock with the most panache, as judged by a distinguished panel of three.
  2. Road Bike Leg: After Sliding Rock, we’ll ride back to my house, where we’ll quickly transition over to road bikes. Everyone will be required to remark on how strange road bikes feel after being on a mountain bike. We will then ride to Tibble Fork Reservoir and back. The winner of this leg of the event will be the person who can, on the spot, come up with the most clever limerick about a topic which will be provided at the beginning of this leg of the race.
  3. Beer-Boiled-and-Grilled-Brats at Fatty’s: Back at my house, the third leg of the race will consist of us all eating exquisitely delicious brats. I will ask Kenny to make bread for the brats, which will make them even more wonderful, if that’s even possible. I will also make Seven-Layer Dip for the occasion. My Seven-Layer Dip is really, really good. On New Year’s Eve last year, Brad declared his intention to eat nothing but this dip. And Brad knows food. Anyway, the winner of this leg of the event will be determined by whoever seems to enjoy the brats most (which is not the same thing as whoever eats the most brats).

Oh, and by the way, if you’re strictly a roadie or MTB-er, it’s OK to miss a leg of the race for the kind of riding you don’t have a bike for. It is not OK to miss the third leg of the race. That leg is mandatory.

Prizes will be awarded to the winner of each leg of the event, as well as for other categories which I will make up on the spot. I’m not sure what the prizes will be, but I bet you anything I can get someone else to pay for them, and I further bet that they’ll be better than most prizes at most local races.

Ooooh, you know what would be cool? If there were an event T-shirt. I wonder if I could badger the Twin Six guys into designing a Fat Cyclist Triathalon T-shirt? Only one way to find out, I suppose.

The Inaugural Fat Cyclist Triathalon will be June 21, the first Saturday of Summer. I haven’t settled on the time yet. When works for you?

Why on June 21?
Because that’s the first weekend after my birthday (June 18, in case you’re curious). So this isn’t just a triathalon, it’s my birthday party, too. And you’re invited.

Is There Anything Special About This Particular Birthday?
There sure is. Two special things, in fact.

(Those of you who never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books should just skip this paragraph.) First, I’ll be turning 42, which means I should, sometime during the course of the day, arrive at the question to life, the universe, and everything. I’ll be happy to share that with you. 

Second, my birthday actually marks me as demonspawn. Specifically, I was born in the 6th month of 1966: 6/66. Get it? Also, I was born on the 18th day, which splits nicely into 6+6+6. So there’s a good chance horns will erupt from my head and I’ll eat a live goat. It’s worth coming by to find out, anyway.

To register for the Fat Cyclist Triathalon, I’m going to ask you to make a donation to the Lance Armstrong Foundation via MikeRoadie’s LiveStrong Challenge Page. I won’t tell you how much, though anywhere from $25.00 – $50.00 seems like a good amount.

And let me know in the comments section that you’re likely to come, so I can start to get a sense of whether this will be me and a few guys, or a big ol’ extravaganza.

I’m kind of hoping for the extravaganza, to tell the truth.

More Details Soon
The fact is, I just made this whole thing up right now, but I’m dead serious about doing it (and I called Susan to make sure she’s cool with it — she is). I know a lot of you are too far away to come participate in the Fat Cyclist Triathalon, but for those of you who can come, it’ll be fun to meet, ride and eat.


  1. Comment by scank | 04.30.2008 | 10:37 am

    Wow, this sounds cool…, I live in the U.K

  2. Comment by Den | 04.30.2008 | 10:40 am

    You have room to house out-of-towners?

  3. Comment by Matthew | 04.30.2008 | 10:58 am

    This first Triathalon that I would want to do… To bad I live in Michigan. I’ll be there in spirit, unless I am at work in which case I will dark and sullen at not being able to be on bike or drinking beer w/ brats.

  4. Comment by VA Biker | 04.30.2008 | 11:02 am

    While you’re doing this, a group of will be in the middle of an attempt to ride the C&O Canal towpath in a day. Call it the power of the summer solstice.

    I somehow think your day is going to be a lot more fun at the end of it all.

    I hope you have a great time, and don’t forget your towel!

  5. Comment by UtRacerDad | 04.30.2008 | 11:09 am

    dang a week later and I would be there we are going to be in washington state for a week and a half. I may still donate as an emeritus rider :)

  6. Comment by Steve | 04.30.2008 | 11:17 am

    fatty –

    i LOVE the sounds of this event. sounds perfect. but i take exception to your distinguishing between triathlon and triathalon.

    you see, i use “triathlete” and “triath-a-lete” to differentiate between those multi-sport enthusiasts whose company i enjoy (the former) and those whose wheel i will NEVER sit on, and who i am pretty sure will never sit on mine either (because they just don’t do that). there are other characteristics, too, but suffice it to say that it’s not just on the bike that these difference prove to be significant. triath-a-letes are not ones you want in the big group ride of life. or something.

    other than the name, that sounds like a great event. brilliant. i am going to try out the mtb-road conversion. i’ve had it in a milder sense, when i rode my road bike one day after i’d had several consecutive days of mountain biking, and the road bike felt so smooth and fast and flighty. it was neat.

  7. Comment by Big Boned | 04.30.2008 | 11:22 am

    VA Biker – Do I know you? I’ve been talking about doing this same thing on the 21st no less!
    Hit me at edgeseekr @ hotmail with your details…

  8. Comment by blinddrew | 04.30.2008 | 11:23 am

    BOO! i too live in the UK and will sit here being immensely jealous. Not that i actually know what a beer-boiled brat is but i’m imagining something tasty…

  9. Comment by mark | 04.30.2008 | 11:24 am

    Fatty, I’ll drive down from Boise just for this. I had a feeling what the third leg would be from the start, and you did not disappoint.

    BTW, since you’re turning 42, you forgot to mention that 4 + 2 = 6, demon spawn. I’m sure your mother is thrilled to have all of us calling her a demon. Sorry, Mom.

  10. Comment by bikemike | 04.30.2008 | 11:30 am

    if you copyright this (i think you should) is it possible for me to put one on here in Florida and substitute the brats with italian sausage? also, being here in flat-land U.S.A.,can i substitute the mountain bike leg for pancake feast?
    this is one of those ideas that someone else thinks of and you end up smacking yourself in the head for not coming up with it first. good job Elden.
    it definately falls under my run only if being chased, swim only if thrown overboard Tri-aversion.

  11. Comment by Robert | 04.30.2008 | 11:38 am

    hmmmmmm a ride for MY B-Day (06/29). The one thing you didnt do, was mention your address. We need that to know where the start will be. Would be a great finish for my BRAN (Bike Ride Across Nebraska).

  12. Comment by dug | 04.30.2008 | 11:42 am

    can we throw rocks off the top of your house?

  13. Comment by Dobovedo | 04.30.2008 | 11:47 am

    Just out of curiosity, if you eat a live goat will it be with Kenny’s bread? Mmmmmmm….. goatwurst.

    By my calculations, it’s about 1700 miles from mi casa to su casa, so if I manage 85 miles per day, I can do it in 20 days. If I take a sabbatical for the month of June and leave on the 1st, I’ll make it just in time for the third leg of goatwurst eating. The other two ‘events’ would be moot at that point.

    BTW… I got my Chocolate Covered Sunflower Seeds today… along with the six other things I ordered. Haven’t tried ‘em yet, as I’m afraid an open bag would be an empty bag.

  14. Comment by Chris | 04.30.2008 | 11:51 am

    Great idea, can I camp on your front lawn?

  15. Comment by Flyin' Ute | 04.30.2008 | 11:56 am

    That’s funny Dug. Maybe lucky will want to be there.

    I think that date works for me but I’m only coming if you create a Super Clydesdale category. I can’t keep up with you skinny guys. Unless the Carbo Rocket works. I somehow missed out on that on the White Rim.

  16. Comment by UpNorth | 04.30.2008 | 11:57 am

    Congratulations Fatty, I never actually thought I would wish I lived in the US. Now I do – specifically anywhere close to your house. I ride road & mountain, but leg 3 clinches it for me.

  17. Comment by Rocky | 04.30.2008 | 12:03 pm

    rocks off of the house would be a next step in the forming of a dangerous habit. it would be bad form.

    is there any chance that we could switch up the order of the riding/eating? i hear brats are a fantastic way to start the day. move over Smart Start.

    whatever the case, i am in, as long as i can bring my big fatty pig of a mountain bike. how about we coax kellene into making a few of the “best cake in the world” cakes, as her gift to you for your birthday?

  18. Comment by Andrew Coats | 04.30.2008 | 12:31 pm

    Would love too, but I’ll be recovering from Ride the Rockies. I wonder if I can cook brats in JetBoil…

  19. Comment by KanyonKris | 04.30.2008 | 12:36 pm

    Sounds fun – count me in, and my wife too.

    I may have some difficulty with the course. Once up Hog Hollow how will I resist the urge to go down Clarks? or up Jacob’s Ladder?

    Tibble Fork is less tempting – not much more pavement after the reservoir. But at the fork I may be unable to resist riding up to the Alpine Loop summit.

    I’m glad you added a water event – that’s makes it an official triathalon. Hmm “polar bear” swim across Tibble Fork reservoir? Coooold.

    I guess if it’s a small affair it would be at your house, larger could be at the city park.

  20. Comment by joel | 04.30.2008 | 12:41 pm

    ARGH! I just finished a sprint-distance triathlon (LA Champ Series) in almost-last place, should’ve held out for this one. I’m interviewing for a job in UT tomorrow, maybe I’ll get it and be moved by then…

  21. Comment by fatty | 04.30.2008 | 12:42 pm

    anyone who wants to camp in my backyard is welcome to. It’s big.

    sprinklers turn on at 4:30AM. JFYI.

  22. Comment by Jay Parkhill | 04.30.2008 | 12:50 pm

    Sorry, I’m still stuck on “I’ve got my road bike with me,” I said. “Just give me a minute to change my shoes and I’ll join you for the ride.”

    Do you *always* keep your road bike and road shoes in the car when you go on MTB rides?

    Clearly this is the right thing to do- just wondering if it is your normal habit.

  23. Comment by BurkeInTheOzarks | 04.30.2008 | 12:53 pm

    Finally, a triathalon I am actually interested in doing! However, it’s quite a commute from the hills of NW Arkansas to your neck of the woods. Reluctantly, I may have to pass. However, I’d still be interested in purchasing a shirt if one is produced – I can say I was there in spirit.

    Good luck on the question of life thing – I turned 42 in February and I got nuthin’.

    Speaking of 666, do you know what 667 is?
    The NEIGHBOR of the Beast! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

  24. Comment by chtrich | 04.30.2008 | 12:57 pm

    I will check my calendar tonight. I’m hoping the date is open!

  25. Comment by axel | 04.30.2008 | 12:59 pm

    why is no recumbent riding involved? It seems just as popular as triathlons in the core group…

    the event is too far away, but I am all in favor as making it a global event. I might ride my bikes and eat a lot on that day, too. I tend to keep the beer and the sausages separate though…

  26. Comment by fatty | 04.30.2008 | 1:08 pm

    jay parkhill – it’s worse than that, actually. i keep my singlespeed mtb, my geared mtb, a roadbike, and gear so i can ride any of them in various weather conditions, in my car pretty much at all times. cuz you never know when your mood might change and instead of wanting to ride mtb, you want to ride road. or a riding buddy might call and suggest something that sounds great.

    that’s the magic of the bikemobile.

  27. Comment by Robb | 04.30.2008 | 1:16 pm

    damn living in Canada actually sucks for a change :p

  28. Comment by bigease | 04.30.2008 | 1:22 pm

    Pardon my being a dumb Englishman, but what are Brats?

    Not that it matters. If I could possibly make it over the pond I would be right up for this one.

  29. Comment by M2 | 04.30.2008 | 1:27 pm

    Bummer… I’ll be in Santa Rosa, CA for a wedding and then bike touring the wineries around Calistoga for a couple of days.

    I would also be interested in a T if the T6 guys put one out.

    Enjoy the Bikes and Brats Tri-atha-lon!

  30. Comment by Lifesgreat | 04.30.2008 | 1:33 pm

    It sounds fun, but at my rate of speed, all the brats and dip will be gone by the time I get back from Tibble Fork. Also, I haven’t MTB in 15 years. Is there a way to do the triathalon without all the biking (just water slide, eat, limerick, etc.?) I will even comment on how weird a road bike feels after riding a mountain bike without even making the transition.
    Maybe I can come as a triathalon volunteer? I would still pay the entry fee.

  31. Comment by southtj | 04.30.2008 | 1:37 pm

    I’d love to be there as was also born 6/66 but I was born on the 21st (7+7+7) so I’m a good evil spawn. Have fun without me.

  32. Comment by UphillBattle | 04.30.2008 | 1:55 pm

    I may just get over my fear of flying for this one!

  33. Comment by andrewc | 04.30.2008 | 1:57 pm

    a hitchhikers reference. i knew i liked this blog. if i could come id bring my towel.

  34. Comment by Jeremiah | 04.30.2008 | 2:01 pm

    No offense but the Swim is my strongest event in a triathlon. It is probably because I am so buoyant.

    aka Super Clydesdale

  35. Comment by KT | 04.30.2008 | 2:06 pm

    Aw, man… I’ve already got an event going on for that weekend, and I can’t get out of it– I’m running registration! Sometimes, volunteering sucks.


    I’ll be really looking forward to the write-up on this one!

  36. Comment by Mathias | 04.30.2008 | 2:12 pm

    You are discriminating against vegetarians.

    Watch for protesters dressed in mountain lion suits

  37. Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 04.30.2008 | 2:24 pm

    I’d respond to Dug and Ute, but I am suspending my rhetoric because I’ve been scolded by the almighty Fatty.

    Hope you can procure permission from the landowners around Sliding Rock. That fourteen foot gate at the bottom of the road from Sliding rock might end up being your fourth event.
    You know me,… law and order every time.

  38. Comment by Epic Adam | 04.30.2008 | 2:28 pm

    I’m in.

  39. Comment by Duane | 04.30.2008 | 2:31 pm


    A lot of people want to do this – but they may not live in UT. Since you are big time and have a world wide audience – how about a virtual Fatty Triathalon?

    People could set up their own events (I’m North of Atlanta) and participate with you.

    If Twin Six makes a shirt that would rock big time.

    btw: I enjoy triathlons. It seems like most of you have met the jerks. As a rule the Clydesdales have the most fun. The 20-35 (male) crowd are usually the biggest tools.

  40. Comment by Alaskan Dave Down Under | 04.30.2008 | 2:56 pm

    If I was anywhere near your hemisphere I would SO be there! 42… welcome to the club. Don’t forget your towel. Ummmm, you aren’t by any chance planning on reciting any bad poetry during the brat feast, are you?

  41. Comment by graisseux | 04.30.2008 | 3:06 pm

    I’d go but I’ll be in Flaming Gorge that weekend–most likely throwing dinosaur fossils, ancient pottery, arrowheads, puppies and kittens into the icy depths. Be sure to carve my initials into the commemorative “Fat Cyclist Triathlon ‘08″ aspen.

  42. Comment by Brett | 04.30.2008 | 3:12 pm

    Shoot, being local is a good thing. I am in for at least two legs (3 if I make an acquisition between now and then)

  43. Comment by graisseux | 04.30.2008 | 3:55 pm

    Lucky Cyclist, I’m sorry. I really am going to Flaming Gorge that weekend and with the recent comments on the blog I’m just too small a man to resist the urge to have some fun. Sorry for piling on.

  44. Comment by Rio's Rider | 04.30.2008 | 3:58 pm

    Ditto what Brett said.

  45. Comment by MonsieurM | 04.30.2008 | 4:04 pm

    Utah is just too far for me, something like 2250 miles away… But it really sounds like a lot of fun. Wish I could be there

  46. Comment by monkeywebb | 04.30.2008 | 4:25 pm

    According to Google Maps Alpine is normally only an 11-hour drive- completely doable given the brat enticement. Unfortunately I’ll be in Shanghai visiting a sister (and maybe buying a cheap Giant-anyone have advice on picking up bikes in China?). The commute from there would be a bit much.
    In a nod to your birthday and The Guide you should ask T6 to do a commemorative towel in addition to the shirt. If they’re available I’d buy one of each.

  47. Comment by Spiff | 04.30.2008 | 4:30 pm

    Whoa! This is weirding me out…

    I was born on June 18 also and on my 25th birthday rode the BEAR (Birthday Epic Amazing Ride) in UT county. First, I started in Provo and rode up to Lambert Park on my road bike. My roommate brought our mountain bikes and we played at Lambert for an hour or so. Then, back on the road bike, up over the Alpine Loop to Sundance, where another roommate met me with my mountain bike. After a few hours of lift-served Sundance fun, I rode back to Provo – totaled about 100 mi. on the bike and had an amazing time. I finished it off with loads of pizza at the Brick Oven with some friends.

    Somehow, I imagine the Fat Cyclist Triathalon will be more popular than my ride…

  48. Comment by Allen | 04.30.2008 | 4:31 pm

    This sounds awesome. But I’ll still be in Navy training. Would probably buy a shirt though if I could… and might just go riding and eat brats to be there in spirit. Great idea!

  49. Comment by L'Hippo | 04.30.2008 | 4:50 pm

    Dang…beer, brats, bread, 7-layer dip (the lovely missus makes a 9 layer dip, so there) that’s right in my gastronomic wheel-house. I’m doing the Tour d’Italia that day, maybe when I get home I’ll pop a top on a Shiner and grill some wurst. Is that bread a secret recipe? Starches are good..yum-yum.

  50. Comment by Duane | 04.30.2008 | 5:18 pm

    Still working this out. 3 day road trip from Georgia. I’m a teacher… what good is having summers off If I don’t take a leisurely drive to Utah?

  51. Comment by Jared | 04.30.2008 | 5:37 pm

    I’m pretty bummed that I’m missing out on this. Today I had the similar experience though, after the mtb ride I rode the track bike around the neighborhood with my lady. Talk about your narrow bars. Oddly, the reverse weirds me out way more, after riding fixed, freewheels boggle the old brain.

    Oh, and somebody is totally fired for wanting to replace Brats with Italian Sausages. Both are delicious meats, but that sounds like a square peg replacement to me.

  52. Comment by Travis | 04.30.2008 | 5:39 pm

    ohhh Axel hit on something there.. what about a Global event? I’m in Beijing, so just a wee bit to far for me (this time) but how about we all hold a Fatty’s Triathalon, similar sort of events (I’ll swop the brats for something easier to cook here) and maybe still make a donation to charity, send in pics etc, and maybe a prize there from Twin 6?

  53. Comment by Mocougfan | 04.30.2008 | 6:10 pm


    I’m coming from Missouri. Can’t pass this up. I’ll bring the waterproof tent for the sprinklers.

  54. Comment by Flahute | 04.30.2008 | 6:12 pm

    If you figure out the question, let me know … I didn’t have much luck on my own Douglas Adams day last week …

    For me, it was “Just another day …”

  55. Comment by Not a cyclist..... | 04.30.2008 | 6:15 pm

    Brats = Bratwurst, as in nice, juicy German style sausages, typically cooked on a grill til nice and crispy on the outside and eaten on a brotchen, which us heathen American’s substitute with various types of hard rolls, bread, etc.

    As for the beer, Fatty, I know Utah sells only watered-down alcohol, so is this gonna be Utah beer, or REAL beer??

  56. Comment by Gadrock | 04.30.2008 | 6:26 pm

    Yet another reason to dislike living in the south in June. I wish I could come-and as a triathlete, I can attest to the fact that the transitions may be the 4th leg-but the food tables at the finish are a close fifth.

    The real question is, will everyone be bodymarked?

  57. Comment by cowboycramer | 04.30.2008 | 6:32 pm

    I’m so in. And I so want a T-shirt to show off to my swim-bike-run friends.

  58. Comment by Debamundo | 04.30.2008 | 6:48 pm

    I’m tempted to buy a plane ticket and come. I don’t think it will be in the budget, but if you’ll make it an annual event I can maybe plan for it for next year. Whadda think?

  59. Comment by fatty | 04.30.2008 | 6:52 pm

    not a cyclist – it’ll be cheap beer. and i’m afraid it’ll be strictly for brat boiling. no drinking of alcohol at the fat cyclist residence.

    gadrock – oh, bodymarks. genius. i’m thinking everyone will be required to write their blog commenting handle on their right leg, and their real name on their left leg.

    lucky cyclist – you may not have known about my “no language i wouldn’t use in front of my children” rule on the blog. so i deleted one of your comments above. please keep it super clean here, ok? sorry to scold you again. anyway, you’re coming to the triathalon, right?

    axel – i think we should do some kind of global ride.

  60. Comment by eric | 04.30.2008 | 7:01 pm

    Count me in. I’ll bring the little dove too. She can do the road and i’ll stick to the mountain then we will tag team for the brats.

  61. Comment by Clydesdale | 04.30.2008 | 7:16 pm

    Damn, I’m defending our team’s win in the Clydesdale class of 24 hrs. of Summer solstice that weekend.

    Return flight would be $636 Can. with one change in Chicago Monsieur M.!!

    See I was prepared to bring it Fatty! Tri another one on a different date. I would love to come out!!

  62. Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 04.30.2008 | 7:19 pm

    Sorry about the crack, my eight year old wrote that. I guess I wouldn’t have thought a comment about outdoor ethics would crank up all you guys’ ire. IMBA members and all. Something tells me your crew is none too excited about me being there, so I’ll take part in the global one. I make a mean Brat myself.(Killians Irish Red is key)

  63. Comment by | 04.30.2008 | 7:38 pm

    Hey Beelzebub, yeah you with all the 6-6-6 and stuff… thats just creepy, really. So, what’s the cheapest way to get to Utah, and don’t suggest I ride from Ohio please. Do you know how much it would be to fly a person and two bikes? Like, a bare minimum $500! Do you know what a temptation this is? WAIT! You really are evil aren’t you? With your tempting ideas, and delicious sounding beer brats.

  64. Comment by Brewinman | 04.30.2008 | 8:39 pm

    Hasn’t the cartoon version of you already splorped up a live goat?

    The Tritathlon sounds great. I’ll have to see if I can make it…

  65. Comment by KarrieLyne | 04.30.2008 | 9:19 pm

    I am a bit far away to make your triathalon, however, what a brilliant idea!!! I hope you get the turn out you are looking for! By the way, can you send me some of those beer brats and Kenny’s bread that you keep raving about?? *tilts head and smiles* Thanks in advance…heh.

  66. Comment by Little1 | 04.30.2008 | 10:29 pm

    i’m so voting for a global event! I have certainly had the jeepers the roadie feels funky after being on the MTB. this weekend we have MTB race on Sat and then the same event so to speak road on Sun. gotta get some training in hey!

  67. Comment by Born4Lycra | 04.30.2008 | 11:29 pm

    I reckon No beer = No Aussies. Might actually be the distance involved but no beer that’ll be my excuse.

    Must say the rest of it sounds like a brilliant idea.

  68. Comment by mike | 05.1.2008 | 12:56 am

    Damn, I so wish i could make that but my cyclist friends getting married then.. Oh and the slight problem i live in england and have no money!!! Sounds like a great idea though! Hmmn, maybe if i order a twin six t-shirt and try and hide in the packaging when it arrives with a “return to sender on it” hmmmmn.

  69. Comment by Lowrydr | 05.1.2008 | 5:14 am

    Sorry to say this sounds like to much work. What with all that bike riding and switching back and forth and no room for a recumbent. Can I have a Brat though?

    Besides I’ll be attending the Banned Crawford County, Ia. ride . Seems the County Supervisors decided to ban organized bike rides, nothing like a challenge to get peoples ire up. Never mind the Brat, but we will be sure to have our own here.

    Have fun dodging the sprinklers in the morning.

  70. Comment by sans auto | 05.1.2008 | 6:07 am

    I think I’ll be there. Probably only for one event though. Do they make a bike trailer that you can use to carry a bike so I can get a mtb to your house?

    If we really want to make this a realistic triathlon, I think everyone should be required to soak their chamois in cold water before starting the ride.

  71. Comment by Richie | 05.1.2008 | 6:14 am

    Thats a very cool race…….wud luv 2 come but its a long drive from Ireland:)

  72. Comment by Robert | 05.1.2008 | 6:27 am

    Global ride would be cool. Each event cound submitt a couple of pics to you for the site. You might even get a video device like Jill an post a shakey video of the ride.

  73. Comment by Don | 05.1.2008 | 6:40 am

    Two quick questions for you. I have a weird admiration for the “No alcohol at the Chateau de Fatty” thing. May I ask what your reasoning is for that? I do seriously admire it.
    Also, could you please explain something that I might have missed? What is it with the whole “Rick Sunderlage (not his real name)” and on Dug’s blog there is the comment “my brother-in-law who is not Rick Sunderlage”. Could you please explain why Rick Sunderlage is not Rick Sunderlage?
    Thank You!

  74. Comment by The D | 05.1.2008 | 6:53 am

    Cycling-related hunger plus brats plus beer = good times. I did the Muenster, TX ride recently that featured this combo. No MTB’ing though. That would be an interesting switcheroo.

    Dammit Fatty, you’re making me stare wistfully out the window and feel really hungry at the exact same time! I’m going to roam the hallways with hollowed eyes and a faraway expression all day. People will mistake me for a war orphan, which will be awkward.

    If only I could get to UT…

  75. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 05.1.2008 | 6:55 am

    Susan said it’s okay, ’cause she plans on going on vacation!

    Lucky, no one thinks you’re a jerk. As for being pedantic, well everyone likes Rocky, so you should be fine.

    Looks like I’ll be doing my first triple sport event.

    For those traveling from out of town, dug told me he’d be glad to accomodate up to 30 people in his palace on the hill.

  76. Comment by Fish | 05.1.2008 | 7:57 am

    Do you mind if I bring choripan (the other sandwiches after the LT100)?

  77. Comment by DP | 05.1.2008 | 8:28 am

    I have followed your blog for a few years. Time certainly has softened your concern for identity protection. At first you used codenames for people and places. Now you have given an open invitation to the world to come to your house. Sounds like a great party. I don’t think I will attend but count me in for a t-shirt and donation.

  78. Comment by Paul | 05.1.2008 | 8:30 am

    Maybe there could be a grand prize given to the one raising the most for Livestrong?

    Since most of us will be unable to attend this genius of an event, those that are not riding could make donations in the name of one of the triathaletes, (i.e. your favorite commentator).

  79. Comment by Campy Dog | 05.1.2008 | 8:30 am

    A friend of mine and I have a plan for what we call “The Slacker Tri- The Coast, Walk and Wade”. Coast down a hill near the water on a bike, walk to the water’s edge and wade out to the refreshment barge. Maybe you could add it to the Fat Cyclist Triathalon Series.

  80. Comment by Lifesgreat | 05.1.2008 | 8:32 am

    Rio’s Rider-should we do a relay? I will loan you my MTB and you can do the bike legs. I will go down the Sliding Rock, make up a limerick and eat. Sounds fair to me. :)

  81. Comment by Brian | 05.1.2008 | 8:49 am

    My younger brudder, who will be 48 (6*6+6+6) this year actually turned 6 on 6/6/66. There’s your demon spawn. He is now a Jehovah’s Witness hiding in the hills of Tennessee. I don’t think it’s working.

  82. Comment by dug | 05.1.2008 | 8:55 am

    don, you’ll find rick sunderlage (not his real name) at:

    it’s not his real name, because, really, what kind of name IS that? certainly not a real one.

  83. Comment by Moabmedic | 05.1.2008 | 9:01 am

    I’m so in. Well wait a minute, first I need to know what I’m getting myself into. How long is each stretch. Also, can I help pay for the brats?

  84. Comment by cyclostu | 05.1.2008 | 9:16 am

    You sassy that Ford Prefect? There’s a hoopy frood who really knows where his towel is.

    Don’t Panic!

    Sppeaking of Fatty’s knack for obscure references, I saw Rush in Jacksonville a week ago. It was the standard ridiculously good show and with a killer set list. Overture and Temple of Syrinx from 2112 was played and it was awesome. I kept looking out for a Tour of America link in the video screen. Alas, non was to be found – the ToA might be too futuristic.

  85. Comment by Denise | 05.1.2008 | 9:24 am

    Wow Fatty! This is going to be a great time for everyone lucky enough to make out there. I certainly wish I could say that I will be there but it doesn’t look good. I would be very interested in purchasing the commemorative t shirt though. If it becomes an annual event I will have to be sure to plan for it.

  86. Comment by Rachel | 05.1.2008 | 9:43 am

    LMAO!!! Your triathalon sounds so much better than the normal triathlon I’m doing on 6/21. I’m so jealous.

  87. Comment by Bertus | 05.1.2008 | 9:57 am

    Sounds like good fun,I would love to ride the mtb section,only I live in South Africa.

    You should fly over some day and see what great riding we got on this side.Maybe even come and do the Epic (8 days,900km)

  88. Comment by anneb | 05.1.2008 | 10:13 am

    There seem to be a lot of 2 and 3-star hotels close to Alpine, Utah. Maybe one of them would consent to playing “host hotel”?

  89. Comment by Trapperdan | 05.1.2008 | 10:56 am

    Sounds like fun.

    To far to drive from North Forida though.

    Have a bratz and beer for me.

    Let me know if the t-shirt makes it to production. I want one.

    Happy Birthday on 6/21 Eldon.

  90. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.1.2008 | 12:19 pm

    This is insane, but I am thinking about it. Only a 14 hour drive from western Oregon. (I live about 1-1/2 hours the other side of where Kenny did the Powder Puff 100 last year.)

    I mean, why not? First summer Century on June 14th, and the Portland LIVE STRONG Challenge on June 29th, why wouldn’t I also want to squeeze in a tri-ath-A-lon as a means of tapering.

    And by tapering, I don’t mean tapering.

  91. Comment by DEMax | 05.1.2008 | 12:42 pm

    How about simultaneous (adjusting for time zones of course) “triathlons” throughout the world. Results can be submitted to Fatty. I suggest a fair scoring system, since the trails, and roads will all be different difficulties (grades, obstacles, etc..). The score would be binary, 0 for non-completion, and 1 for completion (at least 1-brat and 3-beers must be consumed for the 3rd event, light beers and turkey/chicken brats count for 1/2 credit). All scores will submitted in a #/# format, i.e. 4/5 (four out of five finished).
    Sound like a start?

  92. Comment by Toxteth O'Grady | 05.1.2008 | 2:58 pm

    That big 14′ gate at the bottom of Sliding Rock marks the entrance to the famous “Notres pass.” It’s clearly marked such on the sign. I don’t see how anyone can prohibit access to access the trails marked by the great explorer Notres.

  93. Comment by jenni | 05.1.2008 | 3:48 pm

    I too admire the no beer a chez fatty. And writing handles on one leg and real name on the other would be perfect.
    My left leg would read, “Jenni”. And my right leg would be, well…maybe you’ll just have to sit with the suspense for a while.

  94. Comment by sfcgijill | 05.1.2008 | 4:13 pm

    Hmm, 1655 (approx) miles means at 50 miles per day, it would take me 33 days. Which means that for the triathalon, one of two things will happen- either I’ll be in queen supreme-o shape and will ride so fast, everyone else will appear to be standing still, or I will be so weak as to be unable to get out of my pedals on arrival at the event, and will fall to the ground cuz I still can’t trackstand. But I’m sure the brats and bread will make up for the humiliation.
    Happy birthday, hope it all goes well (I know you’ll find someone else who can’t trackstand and laugh at them).

  95. Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 05.1.2008 | 4:55 pm

    Whatever happened with the Alpine Perimeter Trail? Last time I rode it I ran into Bulldozers at the bottom of First Blood Chute, So I turned back and came down from Sliding Rock which is where I learned the Alpine Translation of “Notres Pass” which is “Turn around and don’t ever come back down that road again or I’ll call the Cops” (Thanks to the gate owner’s neighbor for clearing that up for me.)

  96. Comment by Rick S. | 05.1.2008 | 5:39 pm

    I think we need to award prizes for anyone who clears the teeter-toter move.

  97. Comment by Rick S. | 05.1.2008 | 5:40 pm

    Oh….and Don, we all know that isn’t your real name.

  98. Comment by Don ( | 05.1.2008 | 6:09 pm

    Dug: Thanks for the, er, clarification? I have checked out his blog (Like it Rick….) I guess I was just trying to over think the joke.

  99. Comment by sk8ermom3 | 05.1.2008 | 7:24 pm

    Sounds awesome, or possibly awful, depending on how much of a zoo it becomes! I’m nowhere near UT, but I’ll donate, buy a shirt if it’s offered, and ride the most ridiculous routes on my MTB and road bike I can find that day, in solidarity. I’m going to a reunion that day, and it’s in a “brat” heavy area, so I’ll probably even be able to have one, thereby completing all three legs.
    Fatty- you should have a page where people can post pics of their own fat cyclist”triathalon”. You could start a whole movement here.
    Oh and thank God I now know who Rick Sunderlage (not his real name) is and is not. I can finally sleep at night.

  100. Comment by buckythedonkey | 05.2.2008 | 12:28 am

    Hmmm, a little short in the notice department to gain approval from Home Management for a trans-Atlantic jolly.

    More to the point, more notice would enable some of us foreigners to arrange, er, coincidental business trips to your continent which would dramatically improve our chances of attending.

    I can only hope that (a) the bash is such a success that you repeat it next year and (b) you give us about 6 months notice.

    Should we be pencilling-in the Saturday the 20th of June 2009?

    For now, if you haven’t done it already, would you please share your recipe for Seven-Layer Dip. Or put it on a T-shirt. I have no idea what Seven-Layer Dip might be, but the thought of it is making me damned hungry all the same).

  101. Comment by StevieB | 05.2.2008 | 6:31 am

    Awesome idea!

    I am proposing a road trip in my motor home from the Seattle area to the Inaugural Fat Cyclist Triathalon. More details on my blog:

    I may have room to pick up others on the way… contact me through or leave a comment on my blog if you are interested!

  102. Comment by Adrian | 05.5.2008 | 1:56 am

    I can recommend the bike touring triathalon as a similar style of event, best tried in a foreign country where they ride on the wrong side of the road and speak a different language.

    1st leg is anywhere from 50-100km of fully laden touring bike to the town of your choice and find a campsite, extra points for mountain passes and/or snow/

    2nd leg is to remove the panniers, ride the ridiculously twitchy vehicle from the campsite back into town, locate and consume a sufficient quantity of local beer.

    3rd leg involves waiting until after dark then walking/leaning on the bike to get back to the campsite, only now realising that you don’t have a real good idea which road you came in on.

  103. Comment by Traci | 05.6.2008 | 6:36 pm

    We are demon spawn together. I was born on 1/6/66.
    I am so sorry to read about Susan. I found you through Pioneer Woman.

  104. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » The Triathalon is SO On. | 05.15.2008 | 1:39 pm

    [...] ago — just before the brain tumor bombshell hit — I posted that I was going to host a “Triathalon” consisting of events that I like: mountain biking, road biking, and grilling/eating [...]

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