Has It Been Only One Day?
I spend, on average, about 90 minutes per day on this blog. About 70 minutes writing, about 20 minutes reading comments.
Of course, when there are more than 300 comments — every single one of them generous and thoughtful and encouraging — I spend quite a bit more than 20 minutes reading comments, and tomorrow I’m going to read them to Susan.
The point I was trying to make, though, was that when you spend so much time on something on a daily basis, you become pretty attached to it. This blog is by far my largest body of written work, and the people who read this blog represent a much larger community of friends — and now support — than I ever expected to have in this lifetime.
But I’ve spent some time today wondering how I can — and whether I should — keep it up. The answer was pretty simple, but it requires that you accept that — at least for a while — this blog is going to be serious a lot more often than it is funny.
Which is to say, right now I find it very helpful to focus my thoughts about the day by writing them down, and Susan has given me permission to share what’s going on in our lives. And sometimes, that will still be about bicycles and bicycling and bicyclists.
But not as much, for a while.
So here’s what’s happened today, which I think I can — without hyperbole — fairly call the worst one I have so far lived.
Good Start
Last night, I mentioned that Susan was sleeping as I wrote, and how glad I was that she was finally getting some sleep. Well, Susan continued to get a good night’s sleep. Like eleven hours. So I will always be grateful to the Doctor we met yesterday who completely changed her meds regimen and ordered the MRI.
That same doctor called me this morning, asking how the night went. Seriously, the Doctor himself called me. And then he told me he’d been on the phone with Susan’s oncologist and had sent an appointment and had set an appointment for us to see a radiation oncologist today as well. And I’m pretty sure that, once again, the Doctor himself did this.
His name isn’t Doctor Nordstrom, but it should have been.
Closed Doors
Next, we visited Susan’s primary oncologist. It was a short meeting, because she told us that we are out of options. Evidently, the brain is separated from the rest of the body’s bloodstream. Often, this barrier is good enough that even metastatic cancer can’t get through.
But Susan’s did.
The problem is, that barrier is definitely good enough that chemo can’t effectively travel through it.
The only treatment option we have open to us now, the oncologist said, is radiation therapy. And after that’s done, Susan will be better for a few months, but then the tumors will come back, and the brain can’t take another dose of radiation like that. So, absent a miracle, Susan only has months to live.
Probably, oncologists have to deliver this kind of news several times per year. I guess you get used to it. And the social worker was meanwhile trying to get Susan and me to tell us how we felt about this. I got the sense she really wanted us to cry for her.
Neither of us did. I know the social worker’s intentions were good — she had been the one who took steps to get Susan’s symptoms recognized as more than post-chemo depression — but she isn’t my counsellor, and there was no way she could fix what’s broken.
Susan said to her, “Elden opens up a lot more on his blog.”
“So do I need to start reading your blog to find out what you’re thinking, Elden?” the social worker asked.
I just looked at her, not answering. Knowing that this place wasn’t going to offer us any help or hope, I just wanted to get out, as fast as possible.
I cried a lot on the way back home, though, and Susan and I talked about the things we needed to. I’m not going into it here because living through that conversation one time today was all I’m up to. Those of you who have had this kind of talk know what I mean.
And those of you who haven’t had this talk think you know what I mean, but don’t.
Radiation Oncologist
At 2:30 today, we met with a radiation oncologist — the same one who had earlier taken charge of Susan’s hip. He told us what we can expect: some improvement following radiation, hopefully followed by as long of a period as possible before the tumors come back.
When they do come back, Susan will probably start sleeping a lot.
Then he showed us the MRI. It was like Susan’s brain is full of gravel and BBs. Surgery isn’t an option.
He told us the reason he had shuffled his existing schedule was because Susan’s condition is progressing so rapidly he didn’t want to delay even one more day. He wants to start a series of 25 radiation sessions (five days on, two off) starting tomorrow (Saturday). Susan will lose her hair again. There was a time when this would have bothered us.
When you do heavy doses of radiation, you’ve got to be precise about where you point that gun. So they make a form-fitting plastic mask that fastens to the table and restrains your head, locking it in place. Here’s Susan, having her mask made today.
Having that on her face for twenty minutes leaves an interesting impression:
It also gave her Kramer hair.
One More Talk
As Susan and I drove home, we agreed that now that we had all the information, we needed to tell our kids what is happening. Which we did, as soon as we got home.
I really have never felt so heartbroken in my life. The six-year-old twin girls made their peace fairly quickly, deciding that they’d better hurry up and give mom her mother’s day presents early, and trying to elicit a promise that mom wouldn’t die on their birthday.
I made that promise. I know, I can’t really make that promise, but I made it.
The boys — ages 12 and 14 — understand things better, and they — as am I — are going to be messed up for a while to come.
“Is it OK for me to pray for a miracle?” the 12-year-old asked.
“For sure,” I said. “That’s what I’m doing.”
Compared to this, the conversation Susan and I had earlier in the day was a walk in the park.
And Then Back to Daily Life
After this, Susan and I took the twins to their dance class recital, and then we went through the drive-through at the Purple Turtle to buy everyone their favorite kind of milkshakes.
No limit on the number of mix-ins tonight. Be creative.
And now, Susan’s asleep again, through the wonder of the Ativan and Serequol.
Tomorrow, I guarantee I am going to get in a nice, long, solo ride. Road singlespeed sounds about right, for some reason.
Comment by Bill W | 05.2.2008 | 9:52 pm
I don’t know you or your family but I’ve been following your blog here in Oregon for several months now. I was deeply affected by the developments described in today’s post. I don’t know what to say other than you can count on my family’s prayers in your family’s behalf and that you have support out here in Oregon. God bless you all.
Comment by Heidi | 05.2.2008 | 9:55 pm
Feel free to talk about whatever you like. I’m sure people will continue to read and hope for a miracle for your family. I will go on a long ride on my single speed in your honor this weekend and think about miracles.
Comment by Chris | 05.2.2008 | 9:58 pm
I will be praying for a miracle with you guys.
I have followed you blog for a while and your family’s story has meant a lot to me, thank you for your openness and honesty. I am deeply hurt by the news you received today. Enjoy each day. Cheers.
Comment by Randy | 05.2.2008 | 10:05 pm
“So, absent a miracle, Susan only has months to live.”
Utterly numbing words, for which I have none in response to describe how sorry I am, Elden.
I will hope for your miracle with you.
Randy
Comment by thegreatgatsby | 05.2.2008 | 10:11 pm
we’re all here for you guys- all of you guys. This all sounds so familiar to me I know how you feel. if you need the kindess of a stranger feel free.
I have a ride next week for a cancer charity and am dedicating my efforts - on a personal level - to you, susan and your family.
Gats
Comment by bee$ | 05.2.2008 | 10:19 pm
I am still in shock that a man and his family that are so far away, can humble me right to nothing. my son and wife are sleeping upstairs now, and I feel sick for not appreciating them enough. I wish there was something I could do… I will pray.
I pray the LORD will bless your family.
good night
bee$
Comment by ibisss | 05.2.2008 | 10:19 pm
Like most of your readers, I have never met you, nor will likely meet you. However, I am glad that you have written so candidly about your journey through this bloody cancer fight. I am also sorry that you saw the crap end of the clinical bad-news delivery system. No doubt the oncologist and the social worker were both working out of their own issues, and trying to cope, and direct you to cope, the only way they know how. One is a clinician, the other probably knows most of her things about death from a Kubler-Ross book. Keep on writing about stuff, keep on riding your bike, keep on being funny. A United Church of Canada liturgy goes ‘God is with us, we are not alone; in life, death, in life beyond death, God is with us, we are not alone.’ I’m not UCC, but I think that is pretty good.
take care man.
Comment by LuckyLab | 05.2.2008 | 10:20 pm
I cannot fathom having that conversation with my daughters. I’m holding out hope for a miracle for your family.
Comment by aussie kev | 05.2.2008 | 10:26 pm
speechless, here in aus, enjoy your ride. be strong for each other
k
Comment by TCluff | 05.2.2008 | 10:36 pm
My heartaches at the latest development with your wife. She is in our prayers for a miracle, and your family for grace.
I (and us) have sure grown to love you and yours. You’re not alone.
Comment by Ant | 05.2.2008 | 10:51 pm
Elden, Susan, and family - I don’t know what to say.
Consider every day a miracle.
Enjoy every second you can with your family and close friends.
Spend the time you have together celebrating life.
Book that trip to Italy.
I will be thinking positive thoughts every day. However coming from Australia they may take a few minutes to travel!
Elden, whatever you want to write in the blog is fine.
Comment by Jeff&Jenn | 05.2.2008 | 10:51 pm
Elden and Susan — We love you guys so much. Please know that you and your sweet family are in our thoughts and prayers every single day.
Comment by Mike from Melbourne | 05.2.2008 | 10:53 pm
Best wishes guys, we are thinking about you. Take care.
Comment by AJ | 05.2.2008 | 10:59 pm
We’re also thinking of you over here in Ireland Elden. Look after yourselves.
Comment by Burns | 05.2.2008 | 11:06 pm
Eldon and Susan,
Your story is heart wretching. My thoughts, hopes and prayers will be with you and your children. Please take care.
Comment by Paul Franceus | 05.2.2008 | 11:08 pm
Elden-
You don’t know me, I’m just a fan of your blog and a fellow cyclist.
My heart goes out to you and Susan.
It was only 4 years ago that I had the same conversation with a doctor about MY Susan who had fought breast cancer for 18 years and finally succumbed after it spread to her brain. All I can say is to cherish every day. That and no matter how bad off there is always hope. No matter how bad, someone has always recovered from this awful disease. Why not YOUR Susan.
My prayers are with you and your family, my brother.
Paul
Comment by Malia | 05.2.2008 | 11:13 pm
There are no words. I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers for a miracle will be with you and the family.
Comment by Ian | 05.2.2008 | 11:22 pm
As I sit here trying to think what to write, I am only able to tell you that my thoughts are with you and your family. Make the best of every day. I will make a bigger donation to cancer research tomorrow. Maybe that is the power of your blog.
Comment by jill | 05.2.2008 | 11:28 pm
Elden, that second picture of Susan, her smile, is absolutely beautiful.
I have been far away from my religion for 10 years. But I will pray for your family tonight.
Comment by Dad and janel | 05.2.2008 | 11:47 pm
We have been staying in touch with you through the website, as we didn’t get a response from Susan and now we know why. What to say, we too are heartbroken. So far away, what to do… Like so many of your friends our prayer have been and still are with you and Susan and the kids. We love you.
Comment by O' | 05.3.2008 | 12:06 am
Elden
Im just a cyclist from Australia
but my heart just broke thinking of your young family
and what your children have to go through
Be there for them ever day
My thoiughts are with you and I am also praying for that miracle
Comment by Lorachristine Vichich | 05.3.2008 | 12:07 am
Before my Mom go too sick from her brain tumors, she wrote each of us me, my two sisters and my Dad a personal letter. I read mine often for inspiration and strength and it meant the world to me when my Dad handed me my own letter. Also, everyone means well, they really do, but sometimes you do feel as though it’s more of a medical procedure. As an option, we found the Hospice counselors AMAZING. They made things so peaceful and happy for my Mom. She (and we) loved them. We’re from Columbus, Ohio. For inspiration for my Mom, I often read from Lance’s book “It’s Not About the Bike.” I don’t know if it was Lance’s words she found inspirational or the fact that nothing in this world (that isn’t human) means more to me than my bike, or just that I was reading to her, but she would smile through the pain as she held my hand, I guess mostly because she loved me huh? And I was supposed to have been the strong one… LiveStrong for each other. All my best, Lorachristine Vichich
Comment by David | 05.3.2008 | 12:08 am
I’ve been an avid fan of your writings since ‘06. It’s currently around 35 degrees Celsius here in Singapore…but the frankness and honesty of your words simply chills me to the bone. I can’t comprehend the depth of your feelings right now…but I’m in awe of how openly you lay out the facts for your family and readers of this blog. Like the other members of the cycling community out there, I’ll be praying for your miracle. Keep going, Fatty.
Comment by ming | 05.3.2008 | 12:11 am
elden and susan
miracles happen, thats why they call them miracles instead of calling it impossible.
with all the positive energy focused on your family something HAS to happen, its coming from all directions, going to you, i hope to gods it works.
i can do nothing for you, but i can try to help others. the lance armstrong foundation will receive a donation in susans and your names.
Comment by ming | 05.3.2008 | 12:16 am
… a little more
i have a ride in the morning, ill be sporting my pink fat cyclist jersey
Comment by bikesgonewild | 05.3.2008 | 12:44 am
…it’s so hard to know if any words can comfort you folks right now but my heart goes out to the whole family…
…eldon/fatty…you are a man w/ a gentle heart…while most of us may be friends you’ve never met, we stand by you & any feelings you need to express…
…stop worrying about about what we’ll think…
Comment by DOM | 05.3.2008 | 12:53 am
I’ve deleted the beginning of my post 3 times already, nothing sounds right. Please do express your thoughts, to us, a friend, a social worker. I think the roads and trails will be filled with cyclists riding “with” you this weekend. Count me in.
Comment by Mike Roadie | 05.3.2008 | 12:54 am
I love you guys.
Continue to fight.
Comment by Shadowduck | 05.3.2008 | 12:59 am
Hi Elden,
I tried to comment yesterday but just couldn’t put the words together. I still can’t.
My thoughts are with you all.
Alan
Comment by scank | 05.3.2008 | 1:09 am
Hi Elden,
I’ve read all the comments above, like so many others I can’t put my feelings into words, I feel alot of people around the world will be thinking and praying for you all, today and for the next few months.
Be strong and take care.
Ian
Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 05.3.2008 | 1:16 am
Please keep writing - we’ve come with you so far and we want (need) to keep travelling with you guys. If it helps you to write it down we can help by reading it and responding. You know and we know that it is not over - I like Mings comment today miracles are not impossible we can still WIN and we WILL.
P.S. I thought all your postings were serious apart from the no beer bit the other day. Go Figure
Love Ya and Bollocks to the Cancer
Comment by Mick | 05.3.2008 | 1:48 am
I haven’t been religious for many years. But tonight my prayers are with you both.
Comment by nnfox | 05.3.2008 | 1:59 am
Write on Elden. I’ll keep reading, I’ll keep hoping for the miracle and I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Stay strong, we’re here for you.
Comment by Amanda Dunn | 05.3.2008 | 2:02 am
We ride the MS 150 today in Dallas Texas. My husband is wearing his FATCYCLIST jersey instead of his team jersey. It is a small gesture. We are both moved and don’t know what else to do to show our support…Be well, Elden. Our hearts are with you.
Comment by Our Monmouth | 05.3.2008 | 2:10 am
I hope and pray tomorrow will bring better news.
Comment by mike m | 05.3.2008 | 2:39 am
you really are a good writer Elden. I read this, a little sleepy, got to the closed doors paragraph and literally felt as if i had been punched in the stomach. I’ve read the comments, sending prayers and good thoughts your way, and I send mine with them. as a father and a husband, I won’t offer advice on what i would do, you don’t need it. in troubling times, my mother always said the same two things:
“god does things for a reason” ” “God only gives you as much as you can handle”
you are being tested, you are strong enough, you can do it, keep going.
Comment by Jim | 05.3.2008 | 2:56 am
I’m just another web-based stranger who you wouldnt know if you ran over him, but your blog has touched nerves, not the least is the thoughts of my own young family and what I’d do in your shoes.
My ride tomorrow morning is for your family, and for every family who has lost a member to an insidious disease such as this…people who now miss out on the joy of simply cycling.
Jim
Comment by bikemike | 05.3.2008 | 3:09 am
i’ll be crying and praying and riding for Susan this weekend. mostly praying but crying will be a close second.
God bless you all Elden.
Comment by Andy | 05.3.2008 | 3:12 am
I will be praying for you and your family. I love your blog and feel free to write whatever you feel the need to.
Comment by Rox | 05.3.2008 | 3:15 am
Fatty, Susan and family,
We all love you and wish we could do something for you more than just sending our good thoughts and prayers. Life sucks sometimes but you have put things back into perspective for us. Each day with our loved ones counts whether we remember it or not. All our love goes out to you and your family. I just want to say thank you and tell you that we love you. If Lance can do it, Susan certainly can!
Hang in there.
Comment by Amy | 05.3.2008 | 3:26 am
Words fail me - I’ll be praying for a miracle too.
Comment by Hamish A | 05.3.2008 | 3:26 am
The strength that you and Susan display continues to astound me, Elden.
I’ve prayed and cursed and gotten angry at the injustices of this horrible disease and its’ effect on your lives. I just wish there was more I could do to help you all. Like I said yesterday - anything you need just tell us. We’ll make it happen.
Write whatever you need whenever you need to. We’re here, we’re praying and we’re hoping for you all. I’ll keep pulling for that miracle. Never give up on hope.
Please, give Susan my love and know that even though my busted leg won’t let me ride tomorrow I’ll be right there with you.
Comment by Swedoz | 05.3.2008 | 3:38 am
Pray for a miracle.
Enjoy every day.
Keep up your amazing sense of humor!
Comment by jenni | 05.3.2008 | 3:38 am
Fatty,
Write what you want, ask for what you need, and know that you both are so loved. So loved.
I’m so sad I can’t think of anything else to write. As a mother, a teacher of children your boy’s age, and a wife, I’m empathizing with you on so many levels. Allow your community to embrace you when you’re ready, we’re all here for you all.
Comment by Mauricio | 05.3.2008 | 3:43 am
dude, tough stuff
you are not alone for the ride
Comment by matt | 05.3.2008 | 3:52 am
I’ve been following this blog for a long time,I don’t normally comment, but I felt I had to this time, I don’t actually know what to say that’s not been said already, so I’ll just echo all the comments above.
Good luck, guys, I hope the radiation as is as successful as it can be.
Comment by Philly Jen | 05.3.2008 | 3:59 am
Susan, you look so beautiful in the photo, mostly because of your shining spirit. Thank you for being generous enough to share your journey — good hair days, bad hair days, no hair days, and all — with the thousands of us who are wishing you well. You’ve already won, just because of who you are, and how you choose to be in this world. We’re lucky to know you.
Your Fatness, no more apologies for not bringing The Funny, okay? Don’t misunderestimate us. Besides, your readers will sic an insanely large clown posse on anyone who asks where all the laughs went, packing seltzer bottles and wetting chamois-es in every corner of the blogosphere.
Meanwhile, if you fall back on photos of Kenny’s questionable eyewear, we’ll understand.
Comment by Jennifer | 05.3.2008 | 4:08 am
Bless your bones. I know it can’t be easy sharing this, this, which is so personal and painful. Please know you’ve got a huge number of people cheering you guys on and wishing you well and praying for a miracle.
All my best wishes,
Jennifer
Comment by Keith Jackson | 05.3.2008 | 4:08 am
Thousands are praying for a miracle…
I’m praying for a miracle and that God’s hands of comfort are felt by Susan and the whole family. Lord please be with Susan as she goes through this radiation.
Comment by Don | 05.3.2008 | 4:22 am
Elden: Hey man! I posted something on my blog yesterday regarding your post yesterday. It was heartfelt and I meant every word of it. To sum it up I talked about I talked about the post and asked anyone who might come across it and not have seen it to read it and Pray for you and your family. I spoke of how over the last couple of years of your blog, you’ve opened your lives up to us, and in my opinion made all of your readers feel like family, not just readers. I sat and cried, again, this morning reading the news. Knowing what I know of how cancer effects more than the person who has it, and thinking about how it must have you in a myriad of different thoughts right now. All I can do is keep you, Susan and the kids in my thoughts, heart and Prayers which I fully and completely intend to do. You do what you need to for Susan, yourself and your family. We’ll always be here to lend a kind word of support. Though I’ve never met you or Susan you guys really feel like family over the years, and my family will be Praying for yours.
Much love and many many Prayers,
Don
Comment by Mocougfan | 05.3.2008 | 4:37 am
Elden,
I couldn’t help but think of what a beautiful woman Susan is in that pic. One of those ladies that just smiles love. I feel for you and your family. Much has been said about prayer and religion. I add my two cents to the power of prayer. It can heal all things.
Thanks for sharing your life.
Chad
Comment by John | 05.3.2008 | 4:46 am
Elden-
I don’t know what else to say that hasn’t been said by everyone else; we’re all hoping for the same that you are. My thoughts will always be with your family.
-John
Comment by Maile | 05.3.2008 | 5:02 am
I am so sorry–what a gut-wrenching day. I do agree with the other posters who say Susan’s spirit shines through in the picture, though. What a great lady!
It’s a good thing Twin Six makes really high quality jerseys, because I am only wearing my pink Susan jersey on rides from this day forward, until a miracle happens or it wears completely out. I’m voting for the miracle.
Best aloha to Susan, you and your family,
Maile in Florida
Comment by Sean | 05.3.2008 | 5:03 am
I rarely have the right words for anything and this is no exception. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Comment by Kalidurga | 05.3.2008 | 5:07 am
If I ever experience anything 1/10th as terrible as what your family is going through, I’m going to remember that photo of Susan’s smile and hope that I get through things with 1/10th of the grace she has. She’s incredibly inspiring, as are you, Elden.
Here’s to therapeutic bike rides…
Comment by Uphill Battle | 05.3.2008 | 5:07 am
I am speechless. My heart is heavy with sorrow at this news. For Susan, I will pray for a miracle, for comfort and peace, and for days free of pain. Elden, for you and the family prayers are being offered for strength and courage to help Susan through this difficult time.
I wish there was more that I could do. And with regard to this blog…don’t stop. I, for one, am with you through the good times and the bad. In 2006, while my daughter was recovering from a near fatal car accident, some days it was the humor of your blog that got me through the day. It gave me a few minutes of “normal”. So, please continue sharing your thoughts with us if it helps. We owe you so much for the happiness you bring.
Comment by VA Biker | 05.3.2008 | 5:12 am
This is sobering news indeed.
If 300+ fans write in, what’s your blog audience like, I wonder? 10x that number reading daily? That seems like an awful lot of positive energy. Miracles can happen, and I sure hope one does this time.
After the radiation, I hope you and Susan can make it to Italy. Your entire family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace.
P.S. Write whatever in the heck you feel like.
Comment by eclaire | 05.3.2008 | 5:15 am
fatty and susan, i read all these heartfelt comments, and i visualize an outpouring of love and hope streaming from around the globe and centering on you and your family. i’m praying for a miracle too. now i gotta go hug my husband. eclaire
Comment by REDRUDY | 05.3.2008 | 5:19 am
Elden,
Like many here I have been reading for many years, but do not often comment. The last few days after reading I have just sat at my computer and cried for you, for Susan, for your family and everyone else who has ever had to go through this crap. I have never had to watch my spouse fight, struggle, suffer and inevitably succcumb to cancer, but I have watched my mother. I have no words of wisdom that will make this easier for you or anyone in your family, but while you still have your beloved Susan around, live every moment with her to the fullest. I’ll remember Susan and your famly in my prayers.
Comment by James | 05.3.2008 | 5:23 am
Yo Susan and Elden-
We are with you in spirit. Nobody deserves what has come your way, but you are paragons of grace and strength in the face of adversity. We hope and pray that you get your miracle.
James
Comment by Pammap | 05.3.2008 | 5:26 am
Eldon & Susan, again words feel insufficient but please write whatever is in your heart and we’ll keep reading. You have my heart-felt prayers and support. I believe in miracles.
Comment by mhernandez | 05.3.2008 | 5:40 am
we’re pulling for you.
full gas.
Comment by Erin | 05.3.2008 | 5:41 am
Elden and Susan -
I’m a new cyclist and your blog has been a daily read for me. I’ve never commented, but have come to feel as if I knew you and your family which is actually pretty weird seeing as I’ve never even stepped foot in Utah. Some of your posts have hit so close to home as a family member is battling lung cancer and a close family friend is battling breast cancer. I used to question why such horrible things happen to such incredible people. At some point I realized I’ll never get that answer.
Yesterday was just heartbreaking for me to read about Susan and today leaves me breathless. I’m so so sorry Elden, Susan, and the kids of the Nelson family. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. There’s a lot of prayers going up to the big G for you so I’m hoping we can pull out a miracle.
And Susan, I can only hope I have an ounce of the strength, grace, and beauty you have. You are the definition of an incredible woman.
Comment by from ellicott city | 05.3.2008 | 5:55 am
Susan,
Your courage and strength through this ordeal just amazes me. You truely are an inspiration. I will be praying for a miracle along with thousands of people you have touched through Elden’s blog.
Comment by Rant | 05.3.2008 | 6:00 am
Elden,
I hope your ride brings you solace and strength. Long solo rides on a fixed gear or a single speed can do incredible things for one’s perspective.
You and Susan sound like strong people facing the worst possible news with courage and grace. We’ll be praying for you and Susan out here by Lake Michigan.
Best wishes to you and your family. Hang in there.
- Rant
Comment by JohnO | 05.3.2008 | 6:01 am
About a year ago I was spending an awful lot of time at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston helping to take care of my Dad. He had been in and out a few times but, by late April, it was clear that he wasn’t coming back out again, except to go into a hospice facility.
Amazingly, I have a few good memories of that time. We talked a lot and I remember, in one of our last good conversations, telling him that I was thinking about adopting a kid. I think he was both shocked and pleased at the idea of being a grandfather. I also remember popping wheelies with his wheelchair and driving him through the hospital like that with his arm stretched out to point where he wanted to go. It got a bit hard to him to speak eventually and I remember, for his last MRI, telling him that I was right there in the room with him, wearing a fashionable lead apron. He gave me a big thumbs-up for that. And, of course, I remember my brother, my self, and my Dad all holding hands and saying how nice it was to be together and to be getting along (for once).
Anyway, sometimes it was a bit much. Near the end, the middle of the night, I left my brother with him to go home and started heading home. As I waited for the valet service to get my car I was chatting with the doorman, an 18 or 19 year old hispanic kid working the overnight shift. He asked what I was doing up so late and I explained that I was here helping to take care of my Dad.
“How’s he doing?” the doorman asked.
“He’s dying,” I said pretty flatly, and I felt pretty shitty myself at that point.
“Well, pray to Jesus and everything will be okay, man. Everything will be okay.”
I have to admit that I’m not a big “pay to Jesus” sort of guy, but until that point I had never really considered that dying and everything being okay weren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. That turned out to be a pretty empowering thought and even now, a year after he died, it still crosses my mind from time to time.
2007 turned out to be the worst year of life, hopefully never to be topped, but there were bright spots even during the darkest times. Reading your blog and a few others that reminded me of the simple pleasures in life, like How to Avoid the Bummer Life over at Swobo, helped me stay balanced and brought a lot of comfort. It reminded me, and still reminds me, that while bad things happen there are still very good parts to life.
All you guys take care,
John
Comment by Betsy | 05.3.2008 | 6:05 am
I haven’t commented on your blog before. I found it a few months ago. I am a (very) ameteur biker with family in Alpine. I’ve really enjoyed all your posts. So sorry to hear your news. Thanks for being so honest and sharing all that is going on. Interesting how you can feel connected to someone. What a nice community you have set up. You and your wife will be in my prayers.
Comment by Megan | 05.3.2008 | 6:09 am
If you keep writing, we’ll keep reading. We’ve laughed with you (a lot), and now we’ll cry with you.
Comment by Denise | 05.3.2008 | 6:13 am
My heart is crumbling into pieces numbered great enough to match the torrent of tears from my eyes. I cannot fathom the emotional gambit you all have been sentenced to run.
I urge you to blog as much or as little as your heart and soul need. We are here, your support group, your friends, to read whatever you are compelled to write. Of course we will offer up our not so professional, unsolicited advice and support with big heapings of love, laughter and tears to top it off.
In my heart, you guys are FAMILY and are loved as such. I will never quit praying for your miracle.
With much love and prayers,
Denise Gilman
Sikeston, MO
Comment by tim | 05.3.2008 | 6:17 am
lost for words again. will ride one for you guys today. thanks for your eloquent and open words on such a terrible day.
Comment by cat | 05.3.2008 | 6:17 am
I want so much to write something that will put a little mortar between the bricks. But everything I write, I erase. It pales beside your words.
I am so sorry, more than words can say, but so very grateful for the privilege of bearing witness to your life with Susan and your family.
Thank you Elden.
Comment by Pop | 05.3.2008 | 6:18 am
Wow! I just read your blog for the first time, the result of a post on Bike Journal. I’m an old guy in great health, and I now feel so helpless. I have no words to express my feelings, but please know that I will pray for your family, and that I will continue to read your writings…please continue to share. God bless.
Comment by Susan (another one) | 05.3.2008 | 6:21 am
Darlin,
You write whatever you want, open & close comments as you need, vent like hell.
That’s all fine with us.
Comment by Scout | 05.3.2008 | 6:23 am
Dude, I don’t know what to say, except that I’m going to be praying for you and Susan, for healing, for strength to get through whatever comes, and for joy in the time that you do have together.
Comment by Reagan | 05.3.2008 | 6:33 am
Elden & Susan -
I’m not sure what your particular flavor of religious beliefs are (if any), but, as my husband and I were praying for you yesterday, I thought about how comforting these passages were.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled…. if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also”. (John 14:1,3)
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me… I’ll show you how to take a real rest…. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace”. (Matthew, 11: 15, 26)
Know you are well loved by a cyclist and a runner in Ontario, and if a cross-continent tour is on Susan’s list of “things to do”, you have a place to stay when visiting Southern Michigan or Ontario. We wish there was something more we could do. We are thinking of you and praying for you.
Comment by KeepYerBag | 05.3.2008 | 6:37 am
- weep -
Comment by Rich | 05.3.2008 | 6:43 am
YESTERDAY IS HISTORY,
TOMMOROW IS A MYSTERY,
TODAY IS A GIFT,
THAT IS WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT.
It is important to be thankful every day
for what we have.My prayers are with you.
Rich……………..
Comment by Jon Downey | 05.3.2008 | 6:45 am
I feel your pain. I had to tell my mother and her family that she was dying not once but twice. After the first surgery the doctors said they had all the cancer - until the symptoms returned. Then the doctors said they hadn’t gotten it all and never would.
We made it a week past Mother’s Day, about two months past the final diagnosis.
I am my mother’s little boy, her firstborn, even at 47, and I miss her everyday. Its been two years and the hole is still in my heart, never to be filled.
Take care of your wife and children. Don’t forget yourself.
Comment by Alston Family | 05.3.2008 | 6:48 am
Elden & Susan,
We keep your family in our thoughts and prayers daily.
Erik & Stephanie
Snoqualmie, WA
Comment by jdott | 05.3.2008 | 6:53 am
Medical miracles happen everyday. You guys have all of our prayers and well wishes, plus the assistance of medical staff with more skill, dedication, and compassion than anyone can ask for. Add to all this the tremendous love and beauty of your family, and it seems very reasonable for one of those miracles to come your way. Good luck, and never forget that hope is always justified.
Comment by Big Boned | 05.3.2008 | 7:04 am
Fatty,
I’ll be praying for your miracle. You believe.
I haven’t been on my SS road bike in a couple of weeks, and I have a hill workout today. I caught this post just before heading out the door to train. I’m SS’ing.
Big Boned
Comment by mary | 05.3.2008 | 7:15 am
Write about cycling, write about life, write about whatever you like. I will continued to read and feel a part of you and your families life. All your readers are heartbroken- but if we can each take a small piece of the grief, frustration, pain and heartache for you we will. I am so sorry.
Use some of your blogging time to write up details about your ordinary days (and special days) with Susan. Make sure Susan helps, the stories will comfort you in the months and years to come.
Comment by ellen | 05.3.2008 | 7:34 am
Like so many others who have written I came here to read your hilarious stories about biking, but I come back too often to read about your life. It is hard to be funny when writing but I believe so much harder to be honest. Write what you want and what helps you and I promise I will still read it.
thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
e
Comment by yoursisterlori | 05.3.2008 | 7:38 am
Hey.
Thinking about you all the time. I’ll be there soon but wish I were there now.
Love (from the uncle and cousins too.)
Comment by Mike Hardy | 05.3.2008 | 7:47 am
I have had these conversations. Funny how that’s such an immediate shared experience even though I don’t know you! I feel for you deeply, and I hope you and your family get as much as you need with the time you’ve got.
Comment by MonsieurM | 05.3.2008 | 7:49 am
Lost for words… I don’t know what to say. Never met you, but I’m still devastated by reading this. I’m sending every kind of positive thoughts I can your way. Bon courage, ne perdez pas espoir et continuez la bataille!
Comment by SurlyCommuter | 05.3.2008 | 7:55 am
WIN Susan. WIN Elden.
You’re likely riding as I write this. I pray the wind is at your back and the loop is downhill all the way, but I suspect you’re looking for something brutally steep that you can stomp.
I am praying, our congregation is praying, our community is praying. I like the post from yesterday, I think it was your sister - “Everything turns out good in the end. If it isn’t good, it isn’t the end.”
Comment by Ryan @ T6 | 05.3.2008 | 8:10 am
I’ve been a bad blog reader for the last few months. Busy spring, new kid, wrapped up in my own little world. But for some reason, I decided to go through all of my bookmarks this morning, the first of which was yours.
I read.
Then I got up to put some laundry in the washer, still somewhat in shock to what I’d just read. As I was loading in clothes, I stood up and rammed my head into the corner of a door from a cabinet over the washing machine. Hard enough to make my legs quiver, hard enough to break the skin, hard enough to create a bird egg sized mound.
But the spilt second it happened, I immediately realized that this wasn’t pain, and that I really had no idea what pain was, and this certainly should not be “hurting me”.
The pain that the two of you have dealt with is unimaginable to most. I marvel at your strength and love for one another. Enjoy the day. Every single day.
Ryan
Comment by Lori | 05.3.2008 | 8:11 am
My god, how I hate cancer! I cannot come up with the words to express my heartache for your family. But I will be saying prayers on your behalf.
Comment by Flahute | 05.3.2008 | 8:12 am
Life is so short … I think it’s time that we all start living it to the fullest.
I think a long, solo bike ride today will do me some good as well.
Comment by Paul | 05.3.2008 | 8:16 am
Keep fighting, writing and riding.
My heart goes out to you.
Comment by Barb | 05.3.2008 | 8:22 am
Statistics are statistics: for every 95% who don’t get through something like this there are the 5% who do. Never give up hope. Also, as a radiation therapist, and having made and used hundreds of those masks over the years, we call that look Waffle Face. One day at a time, Eldon.
More good thoughts from Oregon.
Comment by Jeff | 05.3.2008 | 8:34 am
I too have written and deleted my thoughts several times. Three days in a row, I still can’t come up with the right words to express the heartache we feel for your family. Our family is praying for you guys.
Comment by cheapie | 05.3.2008 | 8:35 am
i don’t have much to say but just wanted to join the other in offering my prayers and support. if it’s frustrating for those of us who want to do something but can’t, i imagine it’s 1000X times worse for you.
Comment by randomhigh | 05.3.2008 | 8:35 am
everything I want to say feels inadequate. write on and we’ll be there. thank you for sharing your life with us. My prayers are still with you and your family.
Comment by Roberta | 05.3.2008 | 8:36 am
I’ve never met you and your family and never will, I’m not a cyclist but read your blog every day because you’re good, and I feel I’ve gotten to know you and Susan and your friends. Write what you need to, I don’t care what it is. I am so sorry. If good thoughts help, you have mine from Albuquerque.
Comment by Kathy | 05.3.2008 | 9:04 am
Like others, what struck me is how beautiful Susan looks in the second photo, despite the lacy pattern left on her skin. What a brave woman to allow you to share her story with us all. You both inspire us and remind us to cherish our family and loved ones every day. Didn’t know a bike blog could teach me so much. Will continue to pray for you and your family.
Comment by BamaJim | 05.3.2008 | 9:13 am
Solo road ride works for me today too. We’re continuing to pray for you, Susan, and the family.
May:
24 ” ‘ “The LORD bless you
and keep you;
25 the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
26 the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.” ‘
Numbers 6:24-26 (NIV)
Jim
Comment by Allie | 05.3.2008 | 9:20 am
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for making us think outside ourselves. and thank you for making me remember the same road we ventured with my Gram.
Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 05.3.2008 | 9:21 am
Hey man, I am ready to forget about the rocks on white rim. Obviously bigger things on your plate. You seem like a good man, Probably because ,like me, you were blessed with a good wife.
Good Luck, Not sure if you know what I’m talking about but I am putting your name on the Timpanogos Temple Prayer Roll today.
Miracles happen,even for schlubs like us.
Lucky
Comment by TrialsDude | 05.3.2008 | 9:29 am
Elden,
You have faced many trials and been able to pass through them relatively unscathed. This is just one more for you and Susan to face. I know how you all feel and I know that this will be the hardest journey yet, but you will be able to face this with your heads held high, and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. There will be sadness, and there will be happiness, and we all hope for your miracle.
Just spend as much time as you can together, and be able to forgive and forget anything that may be done or said during this time.
You and your struggle has changed the lives of many people who comment here. Good luck and thank you for sharing your story with us all. We will keep you in our prayers and be hoping for your miracle.
JT.
Comment by W27 | 05.3.2008 | 9:31 am
Fatty -
I believe in miracles - I’ve seen them happen. Make whatever plans you must but please don’t give up hope. If possible, get a copy of Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life - The Movie” and watch it with your family. Some may think it’s new agey hoo-ha but at the very least it’s a couple hours spent watching something entertaining and very inspirational. Please add my love and prayers to all the others here. There is great power in all these caring thoughts.
Comment by Nahual | 05.3.2008 | 9:37 am
Your family’s strength is elevating many people. I pray for you and that the prayers of your family, and all who are aware will be answered. May the spirit and science overcome this condition.
Comment by tim | 05.3.2008 | 10:07 am
Eldon, Susan and family - I am holding you all in the light, peace and healing in the midst.
Comment by John Galloway | 05.3.2008 | 10:27 am
Simple post. Enjoy the blog, feel strangely connected to you and yours as a result. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
Comment by judi | 05.3.2008 | 10:28 am
I am gonna pray for a miricle too and try to stop these tears from flowing everytime I think about you and Susan and your beautiful kids.
Comment by cat | 05.3.2008 | 10:52 am
It took talking to my “friends” at Sara Best’s blog to plumb the depths of my feelings….
I’m sitting here wondering why someone I’ve never met cause such tears that I cannot type. Why I feel such pain and loss and empathy. Perhaps it is because when someone so eloquently shares observations and insights into their own life, it cannot help but touch you. I believe it opens parts of yourself you can’t always reach alone. You are very adept at that, Elden. You are eloquent, funny and generous. You’ve shared intimate feelings of pain and fear, the courage of your wife and even the bravery of your children. We have been given the honor to bear witness to your experience. What a gift.
Often people talk about miracles at times like this. Miracles for remission, cure, absence from pain. I think the miracle is that we don’t merely survive life, but transcend it. The miracle is the love and care and vast ability to place others needs before ours. To accept the fact that it hurts to live and not turn away from what ever it gives us. Susan and Elden are such a miracle.
Comment by bednie | 05.3.2008 | 11:01 am
Every bit of mojo and positive thought I can muster is headed out to you and your family. Stay strong.
Comment by Bob | 05.3.2008 | 11:04 am
Eldon,
There’s a verse in Psalm 139 that says the Lord knows our days before we live even one of them. I share this, because no doctor can tell you whether you will live or die - that is not within their power. All they can do is quote statistics. I encourage you to seek Him. I pray he will surround you and your family with His peace, and I will pray for healing.
God bless!
Comment by geckonia | 05.3.2008 | 11:04 am
This blog puts so many things in perspective for me. Thank you for your honesty and courage. You and your family are very inspirational. As my heart is breaking for you all I also feel like it is expanding to let you in. You are all in my heart now.
Comment by AlicesYellowPorsche | 05.3.2008 | 11:09 am
Fatty,
I have never met you, nor is it likely. But here I sit, crying because I’ve grown so attached to you and yours. I am not religious, but I am still hoping for a miracle. They do happen, and it would be high time for yours. Please know that I have your family in my thoughts, and I wish you the very best. Remember to take care of yourself. Thank you so much for letting us continue to witness the journey you have been on, it has been a beautiful ride (pun intended). Your writing has made me laugh and cry, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Love, Alice
P.S. Please excuse the haphazardness of that, but my thoughts are a little scattered right now.
Comment by Paul Sonda | 05.3.2008 | 11:13 am
Hi Elden, Susan, and kids,
This is Paul’s son in Ann Arbor, Mi…Diane and I have been thinking of and praying for you all. We will redouble our efforts. May God’s love and the love of your extended family and friends sustain you. We will be asking for a miracle along with you.
Comment by Nick | 05.3.2008 | 11:19 am
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Susan. Take care of her, and remember that you can never tell her that you love her enough.
Comment by Barb | 05.3.2008 | 11:20 am
One of the websites my patients talk about often is this one:http://www.caringbridge.org/ . You may not have any need for it as you have all of us, but it never hurts to have other places to look. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Comment by BellaCroix | 05.3.2008 | 11:21 am
Any chance of Team Six re-running the pink jersey? Never wanted to ride in pink but for some reason I feel compelled today (of course it might be because of the rain falling right now - should be able to hide tears behind sunglasses if my face is already soaked).
Thanks for letting Elden share your picture, Susan. Your smile is so heart-warming, I’ll remember that picture the next time life seems to toss me a curve, or the next time I’m half-way up a mile long climb with a 20 MPH headwind - I’ll smile through either remembering “Kramer Hair”.
Best wishes you guys - make sure to spoil the kids.
Comment by Rebecca | 05.3.2008 | 11:24 am
When I ride Philly LiveStrong in August, Susan’s name will be on my bike. It would have been there anyway, but now it will be in bold!
http://philly08.livestrong.org/teamfitnesskick
If the new shirts aren’t out in time, I’ll rock the one from last year. Go Susan!
Comment by Derek | 05.3.2008 | 11:26 am
As a fellow cyclist, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and have shared it with my family (non-cyclists) many times. It’s made me and my family smile on many occasions.
Thank you for sharing these rough times as well.
Simply…we’d just like you (and your family) to know that our thoughts and more importantly our prayers are with ya’ll. No sage advice here, just wanting to tell you that there are people you have not met that have been touched by your lives and we are thinking about you.
Comment by Chris | 05.3.2008 | 11:40 am
Eldon,
I don’t often comment but I always read. Marni and I are so sorry and will do anything we can for you guys. We’ve only met a couple times (Leadville ‘06) and briefly post KTR last year but I just wanted to say Susan, you and your family will be in our thoughts and if there is anything needed in/from Denver or money or anything we’ll do anything we can.
Chris and Marni Plesko
Comment by Richie | 05.3.2008 | 11:46 am
I can’t say that im religious but i am praying for that miracle. I’ve only started reading your blog and I find your strength amazing. All my thoughts are with you
Comment by Chris B | 05.3.2008 | 11:49 am
I’m another reader who doesn’t normally comment, and I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. But I’m going for a big ride in Wales tommorrow and I know I and the guys I’m riding with will be thinking of you all.
Comment by philocyclist | 05.3.2008 | 12:09 pm
Fatty,
Your blogs are often funny, but better than that, they are honest and heartfelt. That’s why I read them and I bet that’s why others read them too. But more important than your readers are Susan, your kids, and yourself. Take care of the important people in your life first. If that means writing your blog, fine (whatever you write). If not, that’s fine too.
In the meantime: what can we do for you?
Any way we can help that trip to Italy happen when Susan has her “period of improvement?”
Comment by iamsdm | 05.3.2008 | 12:16 pm
Our family is involved in Relay for Life and the LAF since we have been touched also by this disease. I agree that we should not make promisses that we can’t keep, but lots of us strangers out here in inernet-land can promise that we will do whatever we can to make sure that your kids don’t have the same conversation with your grandkids.
Comment by Beej | 05.3.2008 | 12:21 pm
I, like so many others, read but don’t comment. I gasped when I read today and cried. I am so sorry that any one has to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Thank you for sharing your world with us.
Comment by Bob | 05.3.2008 | 12:29 pm
What a terrible thing to go through. You’re making me cry. Friends aren’t supposed to make friends cry.
Comment by Lifesgreat | 05.3.2008 | 12:30 pm
I am guessing you and your family are some sort of religious persuasion. Please draw on the strength and peace your beliefs can bring and all of us out here, religious or not, will be drawing on what we have too.
You are in our prayers.
Comment by Dad and janel | 05.3.2008 | 12:38 pm
Elden and Susan,
We have been reading your blog and couldn’t figure out how to write a comment. We are so sad about the news with Susan. We too are praying for miracles and believe they can come if it it God’s will. We are asking for that. We asked Kellene to pick up a calling card for you, please call when you want. We would love to talk with you but also know that you both have so much to think about now. We have been reading some of the messages of dear friends from everywhere, what nice things they have said. Thanks to them from us.
We love you and your sweet family.
Comment by Wheels | 05.3.2008 | 12:52 pm
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.
Comment by Wonderdyke | 05.3.2008 | 12:52 pm
Elden - My kids are older but I can’t even imagine doing what you’ve had to do. My thoughts are with you.
Comment by TomE | 05.3.2008 | 1:20 pm
I don’t know what to write…so I will type what I feel…SHIT!!
My ride today was in honor of Susan. 52 miles of road riding with a nice little 6 mile mtn bike in the middle (thanks to a local bike shop demo). Stay strong, but remember, it is OK to cry and be mad as hell right now - I am!
Comment by highwaymunky | 05.3.2008 | 1:23 pm
Elden,
Blog what the hell you want mate, I’m sure it will help to write stuff out and if you want to share it, you have massive support here.
Love to your family, My kids are praying for Susan now in our bedtime prayers.
Keep Strong.
Rob
Comment by Fai | 05.3.2008 | 1:31 pm
My heart is breaking for all of you. Will Susan be well enough to travel after the radiation treatment? Is there any way I can contribute to a send-Susan-and-Elden-to-Europe fund?
I haven’t been on a bike in ten years. (I know, I know….) Today I bought a new road bike and spun it around. I’m going to order myself one of your jerseys. So now there’s another fat cyclist out there. Thanks.
Comment by bikemike | 05.3.2008 | 1:40 pm
it’s 5:30 here in Florida and i came back to read more of the comments and cry some more. i wish the whole world cared about each other the way these awesome people who come here to comment feel about Susan and your family.
Susan, just know that you have touched so many lives in such an inspiring way that we can’t even begin to thank you enough for your spirit of hope and love.
we are with you in spirit and hope. together we will not give up, we will come together as one in prayer and hope. we cannot give up, we will not give up.
fight the good fight every moment, every minute, every day. fight the good fight every moment, it’s the only way.
Comment by Jim Glover | 05.3.2008 | 2:03 pm
I got tears in my eyes when I read this.
I’ve lost so many family members to cancer it scares the hell out of me.
I can only wish you the best and I hope you can make the best of the time you have left and I hope that time is longer than your own life time.
Comment by Minx | 05.3.2008 | 2:11 pm
I’m another regular reader that hasn’t posted before. I went for an early evening ride here in the UK - singlespeeded a route that I usually don’t, in the hope you’d somehow know that one more person is thinking of Susan and sending love and positive thoughts to you and your family.
Comment by Glenda | 05.3.2008 | 2:30 pm
To the Nelson family…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers!
the Daspit family
Comment by twoshadows | 05.3.2008 | 2:32 pm
Elden, it’s Jeff, your brother-in-law. Just got the phone message from Karen and came straight to the blog to hear it from you. I’m so sorry.
I find myself looking at Christine while she sleeps, and I wonder what the odds are that my wife might go through what Susan is. And I wonder how I would deal with it.
The truth is, I wouldn’t. Oh, I’d look like I was. But I’d… I don’t know what I would be doing inside. Judo, I guess. Trying to move energy around. Trying to move through the problem. Trying to make solve it and make it through to the other side. From the posts it looks like there are a lot of people praying for a miracle. You know that we are as well.
Keep moving.
Jeff
Comment by Tom Stormcrowe | 05.3.2008 | 2:33 pm
Elden, I am so sorry to hear this news. Our thoughts are with you and your family, buddy.
Comment by HP | 05.3.2008 | 2:35 pm
I can’t really express what I’m thinking and feeling right now. Or tell you why I’m crying so much. Please know that miracles do happen and I can’t think of anyone more deserving of one right now.
You are in our thoughts and prayers. You and Susan will be with us every day we ride.
Heather & Scott
Cleveland, OH
Comment by christy | 05.3.2008 | 2:43 pm
I just came across your blog and am deeply touched.
I am thinking of you, Susan and your kids. You are all in my prayers. Keep the faith and enjoy every day!
Comment by 29er | 05.3.2008 | 3:08 pm
There were a bunch of Fat Cyclist jerseys at the icup race today, and after seeing your comments page I get chills thinking about how many people are pulling for Susan and your family. We will keep praying for you all as well.
Comment by Dobovedo | 05.3.2008 | 3:19 pm
As mentioned in your prior post, I said I would ride the Calvin’s Challenge 100mile TT for Susan and today I did just that. My LiveSTRONG band was on my arm the whole time, wrapped on the outside of my arm warmers so I could see it.
It’s funny, as I was pedaling for 5+ hours in pouring rain and 20mph winds gusting up into the mid 30s and fighting to keep my bike on the road, it seemed like it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I am wiped out, my muscles are sore, I have multiple abrasions where my wet clothing (your hated knee warmers BTW) rubbed my skin raw, I have multiple aggravations of aches and pains that came as a result of a dog knocking me to the ground earlier in the week.
And then I got home and read your blog entry, and suddenly it doesn’t seem as though what I did today was all that difficult. All of that stuff from my ride is temporary, and (except for the dog) self-inflicted.
You mentioned that anyone who hasn’t had “that talk” can’t know what it is like, and you are correct. I tried to comprehend what it would be like to sit down with my wife and… nevermind.
The one thing I did today that DOES relate to Susan and you and your family is to NOT GIVE UP. Don’t quit. Even if the only options left is praying for a MIRACLE. Miracles do happen.
Comment by Robb | 05.3.2008 | 3:20 pm
what a tragic post to read. I am filled with love and empathy for your whole family Elden & Susan. You will be in my prayers, please keep writing and letting it out!
Comment by bashzilla | 05.3.2008 | 3:22 pm
Lots of people, all across the country are hoping for that miracle too, Fatty. Make this time count as best you can.
Comment by Donna Frey | 05.3.2008 | 3:27 pm
Dear Elden and Susan, I am so sorry about what you and the children are going through. My thoughts are with you. My dear brother passed away from brain cancer, and we still miss him so much. Nothing to say except you can know there are thousands of us who have gone down this difficult road and really feel with you.
Comment by juliem | 05.3.2008 | 3:28 pm
I, too, am heartbroken by this turn of events, and am very much at a loss for words. I am praying for all of you, Susan, Fatty, and your children. I am training for a marathon; my training partners and I are running our 18 miles tomorrow in honor of all of you. Be well.
Comment by UncleFred | 05.3.2008 | 3:29 pm
The good karma will keep flowing from here to you and your family Elden. Your blog has made me laugh, cry, spit coffee over my keyboard and in some strange way made me feel a strange connection to you that I can’t describe, I consider you a friend who I have never met and share your tribulations. I will continue to wear my Fat cyclist jersey with pride and if Team Six print any more Pink jersey I will buy one.
Peace to Susan, You and the Kids.
Comment by Debbie | 05.3.2008 | 3:33 pm
The love you and Susan have for each other just takes my breath away. It is a supreme gift that you’ve probably had to work very hard for, but you know is worth more than anything you’ve ever done. And your children will be blessed their whole lives long because of it. I offer heartfelt gratitude that you are willing to let us all peek in and see how you do it.
Comment by Holden Lewis | 05.3.2008 | 3:36 pm
Elden,
Write what you damn well please.
A blog that was good for a few laughs just a few months ago has been transformed into a community of readers who care about you and Susan. That in itself seems miraculous — a faceless crowd of strangers has turned into a worldwide legion of friends.
When my mother-in-law was dying, and my wife was therefor going through hell, we would go to the movies or the supermarket and I would think, “In this room, there’s at least one other family that’s going through the same thing.” It wasn’t exactly comforting; I don’t know what it was. So many people go through this, yet every family feels like they’re going through it alone. That’s why a well-meaning social worker’s effort is so impotent.
You and Susan aren’t alone. We’re here.
Comment by Daddystyle | 05.3.2008 | 3:40 pm
Elden, Susan and family, we will pray for a miricle my friends.
Elden, blog on, it is good for your soul. We will not abandon you.
Love the Stanhope’s, Halfmoon Bay, BC
Comment by Adam | 05.3.2008 | 3:42 pm
Not sure what to say. We will be praying for a miracle as well.
Comment by Cheasty | 05.3.2008 | 3:42 pm
I am so sorry, Elden.
Comment by Yukirin Boy | 05.3.2008 | 3:43 pm
Praying for a miracle here too.
Comment by Jot | 05.3.2008 | 3:46 pm
All day I wore my Fat Cyclist shirt and thought of you and your family. I apologize that I have nothing to offer you but support, something that is woefully inadequate at times like these.
Cherish your wife. Adore your children, for they need both of you now more than ever, but they won’t know why.
You’re in our thoughts.
-Jot
Comment by bradk | 05.3.2008 | 4:08 pm
Dude, your post brought me to my knees. I love you guys!
Comment by Duane | 05.3.2008 | 4:10 pm
My dad has added you and your family to the prayer list at church.
Stay strong for your family.
Write when you can - even if you don’t post. Writing appears to be your outlet.
I will be sporting the Fat Cyclist shirt @ field day this week.
Comment by Clydesdale | 05.3.2008 | 4:14 pm
Susan you have uplifted many and now all we can do is try to return the favour. Sleep well and fight hard as we know you will.
You have done such a great job bringing up the two boys, the twins and Elden. Always with a smile from what we can see. All over the world people are fighting for you while you gain their strength just because one of your kids, Elden, has the courage to include us in your lives.
If you will have us we will be here always to lean on and provide any resources you need, all of you… Even your biggest there with all the bikes….
Comment by MTB W | 05.3.2008 | 4:15 pm
Elden and Susan,
My breath was taken away from your post. I don’t know you yet I feel so bad for you and your family. I don’t have any magic or helpful words but I can offer my love and support. You and your family has given me many laugh out loud moments through your blog and it is clearly now the time to help repay you for your kindness and generousity to this blogging world. We, friends of Fatty, will help your and your family throught this time in any way we can.
As you already know, doctors can’t predict the future much better than weathermen, only give liklihoods. Two friends of mine are both brain cancer survivors so you can take that for whatever its worth. No matter what, you can always hope and pray. Cancer can’t take that from you. Susan is clearly a fighter and, despite all odds, always seems to take whatever is thrown at her (no matter how unfair it is) and beat it down. Even when given this news, she can still smile like she did in the picture. She has a heart of gold.
Write whatever you feel like, including venting. I hope it helps you deal with the situation. We will understand and offer out support.
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Walter
Comment by Greg Evans | 05.3.2008 | 4:22 pm
I, too, will be praying for a miracle. Hang in there.
Comment by chtrich | 05.3.2008 | 4:25 pm
Great job on the unlimited mix-in shakes. Go do everything to the max with your whole family! Take lots of pictures and videos; your kids will love to look back on them.
More prayers for miracles from here.
Stay strong!!
Chris
Comment by scott russel | 05.3.2008 | 4:33 pm
My heart and energy goes out to you. I have the same radiation pics from when my pop was sick….I can only say take things 1 day/hour/minute at a time….It would appear that a lot of people care about you guys and to me that means something…Love and luck to you guys….Scott Russel
Comment by Barb | 05.3.2008 | 4:34 pm
It strikes me as I read these postings how you and Susan have affected people all over the world. Do you think a visual representaion of this would cheer Susan up? Get a world map and add a “stick pin of love” for her. Put mine in from North Plains, Oregon.
Comment by KT | 05.3.2008 | 4:41 pm
Fatty– Elden– I’m adding my voice to the others who are urging you to write whatever you want. You don’t have to be funny all the time, or write about bikes all the time… this is YOUR blog, after all, you can do whatever you want with it.
That said, I hope you do keep writing.
I’m also sending my prayers for miracles and my good karma vibes from Oregon. There’s a river of goodness heading your way from all over the world. Stupid cancer surely can’t stand a chance!!
PS: I have a friend who has a daughter who had brain cancer– she had radiation therapy and luckily, the cancer all went away. However, she can never have radiation therapy again, and she’s only 5. She’s doing pretty good now, and I’m hoping that Susan responds as well as Rebekha did!
WIN!!!!!!!!
Comment by Rick Cummings | 05.3.2008 | 4:48 pm
Elden,
I have followed your writing for months in my RSS feed and It saddens my heart to read today’s post. I applaud your bravery, many would be crippled by the news. Now I have to go tell my wife and family that I love them.
Your in our prayers-The Cummings Family, Longmont, CO
Comment by Rick S. | 05.3.2008 | 4:52 pm
Elden, Susan and Family - I don’t have the words. My family is praying for you and thinking of you.
Comment by Karst | 05.3.2008 | 4:52 pm
Day by day, making every one count…good luck…
Those interested in a rational basis for hope for some sufferers of some types of cancer might wish to consult
http://www.cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html
an essay “The median isn’t the message”, by Stephen J. Gould.
Comment by minermike | 05.3.2008 | 5:01 pm
Fatty,
I’m sure you’ve heard this before but “when you bring sunshine to the lives of others you can’t help but bring it to youself”. You’ve created a lot of sunshine for a lot of people…it will come back to you. Always look for it no matter how bad things get!
Comment by Steve | 05.3.2008 | 5:08 pm
Eldon and Susan,
My family and church’s heart breaks for you. Prayer Warriors are on their knees fighting for you right now. This is NOT finished. Susan,there will be a day when this pain isn’t yours to bear anymore. There’s healing to be had in this life or the next. You cocentrate on getting better and loving your husband and children every day. Don’t you dare worry about them. Eldon’s been shown more love and support than any man has a right to, he’s an awesome father and they’re going to be fine.
Eldon, if you can, please find a song by Mark Schultz called “Walking her home” I hope to have the privilege of loving my wonderful (and often taken for granted) wife this much and I know you do as well.
Again, everyone on this blog loves yall and are here for you in whatever way we can be.
Steve,Melissa,Adam,Kyle and Kayla
Comment by nikki | 05.3.2008 | 5:23 pm
Eldon -
You and Susan have touched so many hearts and now so many of us hurt along with you. It’s a deep family we as fans and readers have for each other. We laugh together, we cry together. We get through things together. You and your family are deep in our hearts and thoughts and prayers are here for you.
I too wish I could write something more but words are not here right now as tears have filled the eyes and inner strength is searched for. Cherish EVERY minute and live like there is no tomorrow. Laugh at every opportunity and hold tight the moments meaning the most.
We love you and we are here for you to share and vent and laugh and cry with. Always.
Comment by joel | 05.3.2008 | 5:23 pm
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. To claim to understand or to try to comfort you and your family feels frail and hollow compared to the magnitude of what you are going through.
I share the only words that have brought me through my own depths of despair which pale in comparison to yours.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
I cannot understand why such challenges are brought to our doors, so most days I just hang on to a faith that God is in control and one day it will all be worth it.
We believe in miracles and pray for yours.
Comment by Jodi | 05.3.2008 | 5:25 pm
My favorite time with Susan, apart from a few months ago, was when I stayed with her after you guys were engaged. She was totally hot and rebellious, sweet as could be with a killer fashion sense and mischievous eyes. I see her there in that photo, exactly the same.
Elden, you are one lucky man to have been hooked up with this lady, and the children you have are the proof. You two have always been kind to each other, and live lives worth having. I don’t know what will happen in the near or far future, but I do know that her love for you is undeniable, as is yours for her.
I am so happy for you that you have had even one day of Susan Nelson in your life.
Comment by Evin | 05.3.2008 | 5:38 pm
Fatty,
I find myself terribly humbled by the strength and grace in which you and Susan exhibit in sharing this experience with your cycling family. My prayers for peace, and miracles goes out to you both.
Tomorrows ride is dedicated to Fatty & Family
God Bless,
Evin
Comment by brett | 05.3.2008 | 5:45 pm
that was tough to read. i’m hoping for a miracle for your family. susan, you are an amazing woman. in between tears i cracked a smile because you smiled for elden post-mask making. i’m glad you two have the chemistry that puts a smile on your face.
Comment by Beth | 05.3.2008 | 6:12 pm
Elden,
Thank you for sharing your and Susan’s story. I am praying for and thinking of Susan, you, and your family on a regular basis. I am deeply sorry the news is not better.
May God send you comfort and guide the hands, hearts, and minds of Susan’s health care workers.
Comment by stuckinmypedals | 05.3.2008 | 6:13 pm
I said a prayer for you today. Tomorrow I will wear my pink jersey and keep fighting for Susan. Take care of each other.
Comment by Moabmedic | 05.3.2008 | 6:17 pm
You and your family are truly in our thoughts and prayers….its not just a figure of speach. Our hearts go out to you at this extremly difficult time.
Comment by Donna | 05.3.2008 | 6:20 pm
I have no words. I cannot type anything that comes out right.
Please know you are in my thoughs and prayers.
Take care of yourselves and your family and NEVER give up!!!
Comment by DougG | 05.3.2008 | 6:51 pm
“