Photoshop Contest: Design Kenny’s Tattoo, Win Cool Stuff

08.21.2008 | 9:17 am

Kenny’s wanted a tattoo for a long time. Like, since he was seven. And now he’s finally worn down his wife; she’s given him the go-ahead.

But important questions remain. What should the tattoo be of? And where should it go?

And that, dear reader, is where you come in.

The First-Ever Fat Cyclist Photoshop Contest
Kenny knows for sure he wants a cycling-related tattoo — what a surprise! — but he honestly doesn’t know what it ought to be, or where it ought to go.

Which seems like a perfect opportunity to do a Photoshop contest.

Here’s how it works. I’ve taken several photos of Kenny, below. Click any of them to go to the high-res original. Then, take it into Photoshop and give Kenny the tattoo you think he ought to have.

Then, after you’ve uploaded your work of art to your online photo-hosting site of choice (not a huge image, please), embed the image in the comments section to this post. The tag should look like this:

[img]url for your image goes here[/img]

Easy, no?

OK, so here are the photos you have to work with. First, the front view:


I’m not entirely certain, but I believe that may have been Kenny’s “Blue Steel” look.

And here’s one if you think he ought to have something on his back:


I’m guessing his legs will be a popular choice:


Or maybe you’ll want to go with a full-body tattoo. In which case, here’s your canvas:


Now, before we get to the part about what you can win, I have a few observations I’d like to make.

  1. The photo shoot was awkward. As I was getting out my camera and Kenny was removing his jersey, a riding buddy — Riley — rolled up. Neither Kenny nor I could imagine ourselves satisfactorily explaining what was going on, so we didn’t. Riley, now you know.
  2. I expect a lot of traffic from this post. It’s always interesting to see what posts generate a lot of traffic. (Last week, for example, was my second-highest week ever, traffic-wise.) I think this post is going to generate a lot of traffic and a lot of downloads and a lot of linkbacks. And I think very little of that traffic is going to have to do with my sparkling prose.
  3. I don’t think Kenny’s wife is going to like this post very much. Sorry, Natalie.

OK. On with the prizes!

Tell ‘Em What They Can Win, Johnny
IMG_1261.JPGI like the prizes I’m giving away almost as much as I like the contest itself. Remember how, a couple weeks ago, I did a review of DZNuts? Well, I was a little worried that I’d get an angry letter back from them.

Well, I got a letter back, all right. The scientist who formulated DZNuts emailed me, saying that he got a good laugh out of the post, told me that Masterwort is the real deal (and sent some complex studies to back him up), and asked if I’d like to give away some tubes of DZNuts, along with some t-shirts, to my readers.

Well, of course I would. So, here’s what they sent me, all of which I’ll be giving away as prizes for great entries in the “Tattoo Kenny” Photoshop contest:

But That’s Not All!
IMG_1263.JPGBack in July, I talked about how much I like Jelly Belly Sports Beans — they’re like eating candy while you’re riding.

OK, let’s be honest — they are eating candy while you ride. But it’s hard to argue with the results: I ate Sports Beans throughout the entirety of the Leadville 100 a couple weeks ago, and had good power the whole day.

Anyway, Jelly Belly sent me a bunch of Sport Beans, most of which I have eaten myself. Sorry, I lack willpower.

However, I have held one box of Sport Beans — containing 24 packets of the Fruit Punch flavor beans. Pink of course: I really like the way Jelly Belly is donating some of the proceeds from this flavor to fight cancer.

So that’s another $24 (retail value) prize. For a total of $182 worth of prizes, so far. I tell you what: they don’t give away prizes like this when you win a Fark Photoshop contest.

Wait! There’s More!
I will for sure give away all of the prizes mentioned above, mainly by inventing categories on the spot for entries I really like — such as a “Best Photoshop of how Kenny will look with his tattoo when he’s 75 years old and has gained 180 pounds” — but there’s one prize that will only be given away under a certain condition.

If you come up with a tattoo Kenny likes enough that he actually decides to get that tattoo (or a tattoo based on your idea), Kenny’s going to give you the following:

  1. $25 of free processing at Kenny’s Photo
  2. A glossy 8 x 10 image of himself, showing off his new tattoo. Autographed.

Kenny isn’t aware that I added that second item to the grand prize, but I figure he’ll go along. What choice does he have?

By the way, I am not excluding myself from this contest, because I think I have a winner of an idea for his tattoo. However, I am excluding myself from any of the prizes.

What If You Don’t Have Photoshop Skillz?
Don’t have or use Photoshop? Use MS Paint. I’m more interested in the idea than the execution. Though I also plan to give away prizes when I see a really well-executed Photoshop.

And if you just don’t want to edit an image but have a great tattoo idea, go ahead and describe it with text in the comments section. You can still win that way, too.

How Long Do You Have?
This contest will run through Monday, at which point the judging begins.

I gotta say, I’m really looking forward to your entries. Get Photoshopping!


  1. Comment by Bruce | 08.21.2008 | 9:46 am

    How about Leviticus 19:28?

  2. Comment by Unknown | 08.21.2008 | 9:47 am

    This is sort of off topic, but are we (Fatty readers) supposed to get all bitched and wound up about TwinSix advertising Fatty jerseys with cancer sticks? I don’t know when they redesigned their front page, but I though it was just uncool (smoking, that is).

  3. Comment by Unknown | 08.21.2008 | 9:51 am

    Or actually I don’t think I thought. I’d rather have some blogger, any blogger, do the thinking and telling me what to do.

  4. Comment by rico | 08.21.2008 | 10:04 am

    he’s wanted a tattoo since he was 12 and has no idea ’still’ what he want’s…

  5. Comment by tobeistobex | 08.21.2008 | 10:05 am

    on the left leg, at the out side pivot point of the knee, a single speed chainring and crank arm going up the out side of the thigh and on the right leg a crank arm going down the outside of the calf.

    I have no photoshop skills :)

  6. Comment by alex | 08.21.2008 | 10:08 am

    are we allowed to submit more than one entry? and it would help to know some of Kenny’s interests ‘n stuff. y’know, so we can make the tattoo all personal

  7. Comment by Hamish A | 08.21.2008 | 10:09 am

    Get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning ‘unknown’? ;-)

    I do have to agree though – the ‘character’ that now decorates the Twin Six front page does look like he’s trying that little bit [i]too[/i] hard to win the SMNTY* (pron: Smin-tee) award this year.

    Love the contest Fatty! And umm… thanks for posing, Kenny? Mmmmm… Sports Beans…

    WIN Susan!

    * Significantly More Niche Than You

  8. Comment by GenghisKhan | 08.21.2008 | 10:23 am

    Sorry, no PS skills, but Kenny needs something simple, elegant and profound. Therefore, I offer the following:

    A nice single speed cog, tooth count of Kenny’s choice (May I humble recommend Chris King as a cog model: Written over the cog, in Kenny’s favorite font, are the words: “Ride One or Ride None”. Location TBD by Kenny and his wife.


  9. Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 08.21.2008 | 10:24 am

    neck doubt.

  10. Comment by Spiff | 08.21.2008 | 10:27 am

    Seeing as my Photoshop skills are limited, but the tattoo gods are being generous in their inspiration…

    How ’bout Kenny gets the bottom of his feet tattooed with the image of eggbeater/candy cleats? Such as…


    (Note: Image above shamelessly stolen from

    ‘course, it may be uncomfortable for him to walk (or ride)for a few days after he gets it done.

  11. Comment by Tanya | 08.21.2008 | 10:31 am

    Here’s my idea:

    Imagine taking the wheel of his bike and wearing it like a sash, all the way around hit torso, with the spokes going in and looking all 3-D.

    I have minor photo editing skills, but couldn’t find the right angle picture of a wheel to do it.

    Also, if I win, please don’t send me nut cream. Please.

  12. Comment by Tanya | 08.21.2008 | 10:34 am

    Apparently I have developed a spelling lisp. hit = his

  13. Comment by nccyclist4fun | 08.21.2008 | 10:37 am

    Here are my two attempts! Just rough ones to give the basic idea.
    First is more simple and normal.

    The second has alittle more bling to it.

  14. Comment by barry1021 | 08.21.2008 | 10:38 am

    Let’s see, you want me to analyze a near naked man’s body for the ultimate location to place body art? Nah, that ain’t gonna happen. Besides the ultimate tattoo for a cyclist is already done, ready to be copied.

    Kenny if you want something more original than Clinger’s, I would recommend multi color. You already have the noggin for this, it’s a natural.


  15. Comment by fatty | 08.21.2008 | 10:40 am

    alex – sure, submit more than one entry. i have no problems with that.

    genghiskhan – i love that idea. that would be the most ticklish tattoo to get, ever.

    bruce – most ironic tattoo ever. very clever.

    unknown – fat cyclist gear is just one of many things twin six does. i’m definitely anti-cigarette, but twin six is not advertising my jerseys with that photo. The link that photo goes to the twin six blog. since the “fat cyclist gear” link is right under that photo, i can see why you’d make that connection, though.

  16. Comment by Baz | 08.21.2008 | 10:42 am

    Whatever else Kenny gets, he also needs the Swayze-Centaur:

  17. Comment by Jake | 08.21.2008 | 10:43 am

    I don’t have access to Photoshop, nor the time to get it, or to draw this up. So imagine with me a Tramp stamp (lower back) of red Fatty Clydesdales from your logo outlined in black facing each other for symmetry, with the Leadville 100 logo in the center. I think this truly defines Kenny’s character and cycling accomplishments/orientation, while declaring his love for you.

    The photo shoot must have been more than awkward. Poor Riley. He is likely in a corner somewhere in the fetal position chanting: “make it stop, please make the bad men stop.”

  18. Comment by Boz | 08.21.2008 | 10:50 am

    Not to mean this in G-hey way, but no tats, Kenny. Why mess with perfection?. Besides, in the future, when tats are considered passe, how do you explain to the grand kids why you drew on yourself with magic marker.

  19. Comment by Badder | 08.21.2008 | 10:50 am

    Single Speed all the way!!


  20. Comment by TerryD | 08.21.2008 | 10:52 am

    This is creepy.

  21. Comment by Badder | 08.21.2008 | 10:52 am

    did something wrong?!?! help fatty!


    Reply from Fatty: Sorry, this doesn’t point to a photo, not sure how to help on this one.

  22. Comment by dug | 08.21.2008 | 11:16 am

    a big smiley face emoticon, one over each nipple. can i say “nipple” on this blog? NIPPLE

  23. Comment by dug | 08.21.2008 | 11:17 am

    OR, 5678309. as in Five Six Seven Eight, Three OHH NIeeIen.

  24. Comment by mgr | 08.21.2008 | 11:19 am

    Sorry about the duplicates. One last try…


  25. Comment by Big Bird | 08.21.2008 | 11:20 am

    Behold, the game face!


  26. Comment by Big Bird | 08.21.2008 | 11:21 am

    I guess you have to go right click view image to see it. Sorry, I’m not computer savvy.

  27. Comment by chiggins | 08.21.2008 | 11:29 am

    The rule of the wise is: once you have your design picked out, you view it once a month for 2 years. If, after 2 years, you still like it, or at least don’t wince and think, “what was I thinking?”, then it’s the one.

    Having said that, what’s Kenny’s pop-cultural connections? Would WWII ear bomber pinup art be appropriate? Japanese carp? The Boston Celtics? Any other touchstones besides cogs and chainrings?

  28. Comment by Ryan | 08.21.2008 | 11:34 am

    Can’t go wrong with the permanent luchador mask. Classic.


  29. Comment by GenghisKhan | 08.21.2008 | 11:36 am

    Following the same cog-a-licious idea I sported earlier, instead of the classy “ride one or ride none” (TM by me, of course) Kenny could inscribe the edgier and potentially offensive “Gears are for Queers(As in strange folk, not the more derisive g-hey meaning–not that there’s anything wrong with that).” (Also TM by me, of course)


  30. Comment by S_H | 08.21.2008 | 11:39 am

    He needs a zipper tattooed on his head, about half undone, with a tattooed brain underneath. Besides, isn’t it Kenny who never wears his helmet and ended up bashing his noggin some time back?

    Come to think of it, Fatty, you’ve got a bald head, too. Susan would be thrilled!

  31. Comment by Riley | 08.21.2008 | 11:39 am

    I’m just glad that I didn’t roll up as Kenny was doing the shirtless body flex. It was weird enough as it was…

  32. Comment by g | 08.21.2008 | 11:45 am

    The flux capacitor, winding around his lower right thigh.

  33. Comment by nick | 08.21.2008 | 11:52 am

    tattoo reading
    “I was a featured in a competition on and all I got was this lousy tattoo”

  34. Comment by kenny | 08.21.2008 | 11:54 am

    MGR, Nice work. Ryan, I once thought of becoming a lucha libre master.

    The tattoo is going to happen. I’ve never really found any design that I just loved. If your P/S skills are lacking just send in the design and placement.

    I want the tatoo to be bike related. I love FC, but i’m not going to be his billboard. The kokopelli cyclist and the chain rings have been done. I want something unique. My family is fairly conservitive, so it needs to be somewhat hidden when I’m dressed.

  35. Comment by Jake | 08.21.2008 | 11:56 am

    Dug – it’s 8675309 (nigh-eee-yine)

  36. Comment by dino | 08.21.2008 | 11:58 am

    What everyone is forgetting is that Kenny’s wife will probably have a say in this. So there is a little pandering involved. Its pretty simple, a chainring in the shape of a heart with the word “Natalie” inside. And to make it even cooler, draw an actual heart inside the chainring, make it a big veiny thumping one cause you know Kenny has mad cardio fitness.

  37. Comment by anneb | 08.21.2008 | 11:58 am


    The whole gang, of course.

  38. Comment by Toxteth O'grady | 08.21.2008 | 12:20 pm

    Dug and Jake,

    I don’t think Jenny would appreciate you giving out her number again. She had a bad enough time with prank calls in the 80’s…

  39. Comment by dug | 08.21.2008 | 12:27 pm

    toxteth o’grady, of course, that’s why i gave the incorrect number, to save jenny the grief. great jake, now the cat’s out of the bag (again).

    sorry jenny.

  40. Comment by Marrock | 08.21.2008 | 12:59 pm

    I vote scalp tattoo of the marks left from wearing his helmet in the sun.

  41. Comment by chiggins | 08.21.2008 | 1:03 pm

    Oklidokley, how about this then:


  42. Comment by Mocougfan | 08.21.2008 | 1:05 pm

    who’s jenny?

  43. Comment by Corey | 08.21.2008 | 1:06 pm

    Kenny, don’t completely disregard the chainring…the trick is to make it symbolic, historical, unique…anyway, I intend to use the full time allotted and then win myself some nut cream!

  44. Comment by kenny | 08.21.2008 | 1:10 pm

    anneb, nice work using the quick selection tool. You’ve got mad P/S skills.

  45. Comment by Tim | 08.21.2008 | 1:14 pm

    How about a 3D looking presta valve on the inside of your arm? Maybe with inflate to 201 psi – Of course non-cyclist might assume it was a blow up doll joke.

  46. Comment by Kathleen | 08.21.2008 | 1:22 pm

    I so wish I was a photoshop goddess so I could contribute to this fabulous brainstorming. Great ideas! p.s. Kenny looks like a super tuff guy in that first photo!

  47. Comment by Paul | 08.21.2008 | 1:38 pm

    Tread on Kenny


  48. Comment by nick | 08.21.2008 | 1:52 pm

    how about a lifesize kenny tattoo (you will never age)


  49. Comment by brentc | 08.21.2008 | 1:55 pm


  50. Comment by Emily | 08.21.2008 | 1:56 pm

    Kennys belt made of Leadville sub-9 buckles, tattooed all the way around the waist.

    Now I got to get back to work


  51. Comment by shaun | 08.21.2008 | 2:02 pm

    how ’bout a permanent “newbie tattoo?” as in greasy chainring marks on right inner calf.

  52. Comment by john smith | 08.21.2008 | 2:23 pm

    for the guy who quoted leviticus, keep in mind, that comes right after “do not shave your beard”.

    maybe Mathew 7:3 for you, then.

  53. Comment by Jeppe Kruse | 08.21.2008 | 2:37 pm

    I second the “newbie tattoo” idea. Here’s inspiration including chainring and chain marks – the “double newbie”?


  54. Comment by The D | 08.21.2008 | 2:44 pm

    The greatest tattoo ever is one of Herve Villechaize. Life size, of course.herve.jpg

  55. Comment by Chris | 08.21.2008 | 2:51 pm

  56. Comment by Chris | 08.21.2008 | 2:53 pm


  57. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.21.2008 | 3:21 pm

    No photoshop – this is the best I could do with Solidworks and Paint. Modeled XTR 32T chainring imbedded into Kenny’s calf with yucky blood running down, in case the link fails to work.


  58. Comment by Brandy | 08.21.2008 | 3:28 pm

    WHat about something a bit more viscious ? I shot a pic of this one back in March at a race:


  59. Comment by scroller | 08.21.2008 | 3:29 pm

    Shaun and Jeppe Kruse made the same suggestion I was about to when I got to the bottom of the comments, so consider the suggestion to be made thrice.

    Incidentally, I’ve also been thinking about a tattoo for myself (it would be my first as well) and the chainring-grease-smudge is exactly what I’ve had in mind: it seems a little cheeky and self-deprecating and something that other cycling-types might get a kick out of. When I first conceived of it a couple weeks ago, I didn’t figure anyone would have had the same idea. After some googling, I’ve learned that while I’m a little late to the game, it seems like most of the tattoos in this vein are a little more stylized whereas I’d be going for (and recommend) more authenticity.

    While I don’t want to hijack the conversation, I’d be interested in the opinions of people who are thinking about what kind of tattoo a cycling kind of guy should get. You seem like a prime audience to ask.

  60. Comment by Bryan | 08.21.2008 | 3:57 pm

    There I was…rolling down the trail when I come across two dudes taking pictures of themselves in their form fitting hot pants. The guy pictured below had some weird lookin’ jailhouse tat that said, “Fat Cyclist Forever” written across a red heart decorated with roses. I’m guessing the flames represented burning desire for this Fat Cyclist dude. I don’t know who Fat Cyclist is. Maybe it was his Daddy in the big house. What really did it for me, though, was what he was yelling. He’s standing there trying to pull off his best Arnold impression yelling, “Take a picture of DZNuts!”

    Realizing there were two of them and one of me, I quickly snapped this pic and took off before I became another tragic victim of tough love.


  61. Comment by NW | 08.21.2008 | 4:15 pm

    I like Brandy’s submission. I mean, if you’re going to get one, GET ONE. Leg tats are sweet on a cyclist.

  62. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.21.2008 | 4:20 pm

    thanks for the helpful edit, fatty.

    The part I like about the photo Brandy shows, above, is that the guy with the viscious tat on his leg, sitting on his expensive carbon fiber bike has a chainring grease stain on his shorts!

  63. Comment by MikeonHisBike | 08.21.2008 | 4:41 pm

    I don’t think my last post worked. Here’s another shot.

    If it doesn’t work here’s the link.



  64. Comment by Mocougfan | 08.21.2008 | 4:44 pm

    I got no Photo Shop skills. But this is an awesome post. I will be checking in frequently to see all the entries.

  65. Comment by Brandy | 08.21.2008 | 4:51 pm

    thanks for the edit fatty. It is hard to be sly @ work in a 4 foot tall cubicle!

  66. Comment by Lizzylou | 08.21.2008 | 5:13 pm

    My photoshop skills are not impressive (thus the s and not a z on skills). I’m really amazed with the things some of you can do there. But here is my humble offering.

    My methodology:
    -First I considered what I know about Kenny: He is bald, he is fast, and he likes single-speeds.
    -Next I made an assumption: Kenny’s wife would not be thrilled with anything ostentatious (this I understand completely).
    -I considered the standards: greasy chain ring mark on calf(overdone); chain around the bicep (boring)
    -Then I went back to the ‘what I know about Kenny’ and settled in on the idea with something about a singlespeed, and here it is:


    A picture of a rear derailleur with a ‘no’ thingy around it.

  67. Comment by Lizzylou | 08.21.2008 | 5:14 pm


    2nd try?

  68. Comment by Bob | 08.21.2008 | 5:19 pm


  69. Comment by John H. | 08.21.2008 | 5:42 pm

    I can’t believe no one thought of the obvious one! And it’s even in orange!



  70. Comment by Logan | 08.21.2008 | 5:47 pm

    try again.

  71. Comment by Dobovedo | 08.21.2008 | 6:03 pm

    that’s just wrong

  72. Comment by Bryan | 08.21.2008 | 6:05 pm

    OMG! That’s awesome! Wrong, but awesome!

  73. Comment by Lucky Cyclist(the d----eb-g) | 08.21.2008 | 6:06 pm

    I have no clever ideas, but by way of advice,…. I do not think a tattoo can be suggested. It needs to be something that you see or think of and HAVE TO HAVE. Something that you will regret not getting. I have the same irrational desire to have one and lack the originality to come up with a good one.
    However…. if you want cliche, get AL on your left cheek and HA on your right. So when you bend over it says ALOHA. Oldest tattoo joke ever.

  74. Comment by Dobovedo | 08.21.2008 | 6:18 pm

    combining two of the earlier ideas:

  75. Comment by Dobovedo | 08.21.2008 | 6:19 pm

    second try…


  76. Comment by graisseux | 08.21.2008 | 6:24 pm

    Just don’t get any “Looney Toons” characters anywhere.

  77. Comment by Mair | 08.21.2008 | 6:52 pm


  78. Comment by Eric | 08.21.2008 | 7:38 pm


    Put Leadville 100 in th Red Banner
    Elimate Outfitters
    and in the smallest font possible put runner-up

  79. Comment by Drew | 08.21.2008 | 7:49 pm

    Is it me, or is kenny puckering up in that one shot? Creepy…I don’t even know the guy, but that pic might make me afraid to fall asleep tonight…

  80. Comment by Lizzylou | 08.21.2008 | 7:55 pm

    I’m gonna try one more time, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll just bemoan my pitiful ineptness :p


  81. Comment by Debamundo | 08.21.2008 | 8:14 pm

    So I’m guessing he doesn’t want an arm/bicep tattoo? Because you didn’t take a picture of the side of his arm. I probably won’t post my entry until Monday as I am heading out in the morning for Texas to ride the Hotter’N Hell 100. Anyone else going? I’ll be wearing my pink lemonade Fat Cyclist jersey.

    P.S. Thanks for the contest. This is fun, and not just because of the shirtless pics of Kenny. Though I’m not complaining about that.

  82. Comment by M Squared | 08.21.2008 | 8:16 pm

    I’ve always thought this was a classy one…

    In case anyone isn’t familiar:

  83. Comment by Debamundo | 08.21.2008 | 8:23 pm

    You also didn’t take any shots of the back of his calves, which to me seems like an ideal spot for a tattoo on a cyclist. I think another public semi-dressed photo shoot is in order.

  84. Comment by Kathy | 08.21.2008 | 8:24 pm

    I always thought if I got a tatoo I’d get smoochy lips on my upper glutes (as in kiss my @%*). The only person who would see it is my husband and flashing it would be a fun way to make up after having words. Kenny’s tatoo should definitely go on the glutes. However, the smoochy lips don’t seem to fit … How about some road rash? It would be great if you have to go in for a bike-related injury to freak out the doctor, or even during a regular check-up. Besides, your better half can still kiss it and make it all better! (Sorry, Fatty, hope I didn’t cross the line there.)

  85. Comment by Jenni | 08.21.2008 | 9:13 pm

    So…how does one avoid getting the grease mark on the inner calf?

  86. Comment by Dobovedo | 08.21.2008 | 9:51 pm

    clean yer chain once in a while

  87. Comment by Clay | 08.21.2008 | 10:14 pm






  88. Comment by Dorothy | 08.21.2008 | 10:40 pm

    Be wise…. tattoos may just turn out to be the new mullet.

  89. Comment by Clay | 08.21.2008 | 11:35 pm



  90. Comment by Hoggy | 08.21.2008 | 11:49 pm

    how about a complete rear cluster on his follicle free dome, although not very single speed of him. So an alternative could be the inner workings of some sweet front shocks from each knee down to the ankle. I would like to point out which particular brand of forks but i’m a roadie so i have no idea what the good ones are these days. he could even auction his legs off to the highest bidding fork manufacture with the proceeds going to the LAF

  91. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.21.2008 | 11:57 pm

    I vote for something with a chainring. Here’s a bunch of chainring tattoo ideas:

  92. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.22.2008 | 12:00 am

    Clay: Excellent photoshop work – I was laughing myself silly.

  93. Comment by ducky | 08.22.2008 | 12:00 am

    Kenny…simple can be good. If you have a phrase or word that means a lot to you, add it into the tatt. Otherwise, just pick a design you like and go with it.

    With my idea, it wouldn’t show with bike shorts, and you wouldn’t be able to swim with your family (unless you wear super-long board shorts), but it’s kinda neat. I’m no PS master, so I stole an image and resized it. Obviously not exactly right, but you’ll get the idea. Start it on your hip (probably right hip) and have it come down toward the knee.


  94. Comment by Bjorn 4Lycra | 08.22.2008 | 12:32 am

    Clay – Brilliant!

    Can’t photoshop and not sure that SuperK should bother with a tattoo but thought I would relate a short story anyway. Altho maybe the Superman emblem on 29″ wheels with a K not an S then again maybe not.

    A mate of mine in Canada decided rather than oppose his daughter he would help in her desire to get a tattoo. They agreed it should be discrete and that it would go on her lower back. They researched a number of Inca (I think) designs she made her choice they agreed and they printed it out on A4 paper to aid the artist with the detail and colour. I bet you can see where I am going here as said daughter fronted up proudly displaying her A4 sized tattoo on her back.

    Mate was speechless.

  95. Comment by Alex from ZA | 08.22.2008 | 12:41 am

    Ugh. That didn’t work.

    Herewith the links:

  96. Comment by barry1021 | 08.22.2008 | 3:29 am

    As soon as I clean up the coffee that came out my nose, I am voting for Clay. The tan lines are the funniest thing that I have seen; I am never going to able to look at Kenny again without thinking of them, which I am sure is just want he expected to get out of this exercise.


  97. Comment by Fifth Column | 08.22.2008 | 4:30 am

    Everyone needs a good skull and crossbones tattoo.
    The great thing is it works almost anywhere.

  98. Comment by bee$ | 08.22.2008 | 6:03 am

    here is something cheesy enjoy. I have a lot of tattoos, so I am a bit jaded. I must say I like the skull and chain ring a loy.

    here goes

  99. Comment by fatty | 08.22.2008 | 6:27 am

    clay won something FOR SURE. the thong just about killed me.

  100. Comment by Sigh..... | 08.22.2008 | 6:36 am

    Don’t get a cycling tattoo. This is coming from a guy with a bunch of tattoos, some of which can be seen in short sleeves. A cycling tattoo just makes you look a little too proud of your dorky hobby. If you must, get a “29″ or something so the rest of the world won’t know you are telling them “Look, I’m a cyclist!”

    Tattoos are cool (are they still?) Cycling tattoos are not. I think RTMS touched on this a while ago.

    Of course you could get that weird Lance on a Colnago tattoo.

  101. Comment by fatty | 08.22.2008 | 6:39 am

    Emailed to me from Chris in Portland:



  102. Comment by fatty | 08.22.2008 | 6:43 am

    Here’s one emailed to me from Tyler:


  103. Comment by Al Maviva | 08.22.2008 | 6:49 am

    Sorry for no photoshop – but I have no photoshop, and no skillz.

    Anyhow, I suggest two cogs.

    A 32 on the right knee, a 16 on the left, you can even go wild and brand them Surly or Salsa or Phil Wood (my choice) or Miche or something. Then a tattoo of a chain running over the cogs, across the front of the knees.

    Well, the chain couldn’t cover the gap between the knees, but the tat would leave room for some really creative body piercing. Y’know, for when Kenny has his second mid-life crisis.

  104. Comment by Ka_Jun | 08.22.2008 | 7:17 am


  105. Comment by Big Boned | 08.22.2008 | 7:22 am

    You’ve unleashed some SICK minds here! What a hoot!

  106. Comment by GenghisKhan | 08.22.2008 | 7:25 am

    How ’bout some simple text: Kenesis (Kenexodus, Keneronomy, 1st Keninthians, etc.) 32:16 (Thanks Al for the tooth counts!)

  107. Comment by anneb | 08.22.2008 | 7:32 am

    the whale tail…too funny!!!!!

  108. Comment by Donald | 08.22.2008 | 7:47 am

    OK… here’s my best attempt at a SINGLE SPEED tattoo on the calf. This also might go well on the shoulder blade. While my mad art skills stop there. I would suggest a little more detail on the rings.
    You could even run the word SINGLE up along the chain.


  109. Comment by fatty | 08.22.2008 | 8:06 am

    Continental Pro 1: One of the best tires ever made. Its tread pattern is probably worth a tattoo.


    The scary red glowing eyes are just to help Kenny have a more effective game face.

  110. Comment by dougg | 08.22.2008 | 8:10 am

    My vote go to Clay! Very unusual and very funny!

  111. Comment by kenny | 08.22.2008 | 8:27 am

    Clay, Dude… come on. I’m speachless.

  112. Comment by Wheels | 08.22.2008 | 8:36 am

    Thank you, Clay! I hope you have more entries in mind.

  113. Comment by Mike P | 08.22.2008 | 8:41 am

    Apparently, the internets didn’t like my first host site for embedding images. If this one doesn’t work, you’ll just have to copy & paste the url into your browser window



  114. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 08.22.2008 | 8:54 am

    YAY, be back in a few hours! :) I know which prize I’m going for! :)

  115. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 08.22.2008 | 9:05 am

    Oh, I meant contest. . . not prize.

    LMAO @ Clay!

  116. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.22.2008 | 9:29 am

    Kenny – You’re an incredibly good sport for doing this. I would have pulled the plug when Riley came upon the photoshoot.

  117. Comment by Larry | 08.22.2008 | 9:31 am

    Something about the Fatty/Kenny photo colaboration makes me think of this:


  118. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.22.2008 | 10:16 am

    Kenny could drop a few grams by getting rid of those dog tags in favor of a tattoo:



  119. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 08.22.2008 | 10:16 am

    Still King of the Mountains.


  120. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.22.2008 | 10:20 am

    Bitter – yikes! Folks, don’t miss Bitter’s entry, click that link.

  121. Comment by Whumpus | 08.22.2008 | 10:29 am

    Personally, I enjoyed the bikini tanline photoshop job. Oh, wait, that wasn’t photoshopped? That was the original picture? Ooops.

    Here’s my go at it.


  122. Comment by Whumpus | 08.22.2008 | 10:31 am


  123. Comment by Bandit | 08.22.2008 | 10:32 am


  124. Comment by KT | 08.22.2008 | 10:56 am

    I have no skills like this.

    I agree with the previous poster who urged you, Kenny, to NOT get a cycling tat.

    If you get one with chinese letters, make sure it says, “kung pao chicken” or something. That would be great.

    Clay, I loved your idea. Really, super, disturbing.

    And Bitter: Kenny at 70! LOL I think he’d be in better shape than that! Nice moobies, though. His head looks really small compared to his body.

  125. Comment by Larry | 08.22.2008 | 11:13 am

    Hard to go wrong with this classic …


  126. Comment by Logan | 08.22.2008 | 11:17 am

    monkeybuttaw7.jpgSomething a little bit sexy perhaps???

  127. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.22.2008 | 12:10 pm

    Clay – So disturbingly funny…

    Bitter – I briefly thought of the old SNL skit with the morphed old age body w/ tats, but having no Photoshop skills gave it up. But, seriously, I do not think I could make myself do that to Kenny. Adding a potbelly and moobs to a studly athlete is just too depressing to me.

    But it made me laugh almost as much as Clay’s tanlines.

    Kenny – I bet you didn’t have a clus as to how good of a sport you really are, eh?

    Natalie – Who’s laughing now??

  128. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.22.2008 | 12:11 pm

    clue, not clus

  129. Comment by mikeb | 08.22.2008 | 12:42 pm

    I believe endurance cycling is about suffering and our human ability to endure and perhaps enjoy it. From reading your posts on Kenny I think he truly embraces the suffering that his bike allows him to have. Perhaps his tat should somehow incorporate a “suffer” theme. I have no photoshop skills, however.

  130. Comment by kenny | 08.22.2008 | 12:44 pm

    I’m actually getting a kick out of these, accept for the ones that turn my belly button into a cat or a monkeys butt hole.

  131. Comment by judi | 08.22.2008 | 1:05 pm

    This will probably make me have another freaky dream…..

  132. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 08.22.2008 | 1:19 pm

    lol –

    KT – re: his small head, I made his ears and nose bigger, because, you know men’s ears get bigger when they’re older. But you’re right, his cheeks should be a bit fatter, and I should have added a double chin.

    Clydesteve- I gave him more than a pot belly and moobs, I made his arms bigger, well-marbled you might say, instead of lean muscle, basically I gave him fatty arms, oh, and bigger legs, huge knuckles in his hands (arthritis?), love handles and thicker ankles.

    I decided not to make his skin look wrinkly, just deeper existing wrinkles and saggy skin.

    No offense Kenny . . . really. *grin*

  133. Comment by ScottE | 08.22.2008 | 1:47 pm

    I always fancied the chainring smudge tattoo. On the left calf.

  134. Comment by Kathy | 08.22.2008 | 2:27 pm

    Clay and Bitter — hilarious
    KanyonKris — practical, yet also funny. Nice one!

  135. Comment by kenny | 08.22.2008 | 2:42 pm

    Thanks Bitter,
    Now my wife knows what to expect in a couple of years.

  136. Comment by AMR | 08.22.2008 | 3:19 pm

    Golly, that sure looks like a secluded romantic spot where you took the photos.
    I vote for…NO TATTOOS…but think Kenny should get himself to a nudist beach for a couple weeks to get rid of any and all tan lines.

  137. Comment by Ron | 08.22.2008 | 3:38 pm


    ok so I thought it had to be done. :)

  138. Comment by Ron | 08.22.2008 | 3:40 pm


    lets try that again

  139. Comment by Lisa B | 08.22.2008 | 4:00 pm

    Oh man, Kenny you are a good sport! And I just woke up the dog by snorting when I saw Clay’s and Bitter’s entries. I vote for this one In fact, I may try that one myself …

  140. Comment by mgrinrr | 08.22.2008 | 4:47 pm

    Cave art…


  141. Comment by Calvin | 08.22.2008 | 9:15 pm

    you guys are killing me!

    btw, elden is ok to click on the links? i know some people get all pissy about a hobby making money and all

  142. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.22.2008 | 10:21 pm

    I’ve had my fun, now here’s a serious entry. A clean and simple chainring with a K. Centered over the ankle bone, inside or outside.


  143. Comment by Little1 | 08.23.2008 | 12:35 am

    I vote for KanyonKris – That’s classy!

    I have tatoo’s and this has got me thinking of getting another… hhhmmmm….

    anyway my idea is to make use of such expertly developed tan lines, (unfortunately I have no photoshop skill, so you’ll just have to read and imagine)outside of the right thigh just above the tan line, the ORIGINAL single speed – a penny-farthing. let it look like it’s “riding” the tan line. It should then be high enough not to let the conservative family freak, being above the tan line! It’s cycling related and it’s an original.

    But all of us aside – Kenny as someone already said (and as a person wiht tatoo’s) get only what you see and think I GOT TO HAVE THAT! then think about it again for 6 months. Worked for me I have never regretted any of my tatoos.

  144. Comment by Rose | 08.23.2008 | 7:47 am

    Like a lot of others I hav no photoshop skills but I was thinking of the bicycle guy from fatty’s son’s game!!!

  145. Comment by Clay | 08.23.2008 | 1:26 pm

    Instead of ink, Kenny should consider MANSCAPING!


    (In case you were wondering, yes that is Tom Selleck’s ’stache.)

  146. Comment by Clay | 08.23.2008 | 1:30 pm

    Word of warning to potential photoshoppers … when you search for “chest hair” with google images, make sure your safe search filter is ON.

    Trust me.

  147. Comment by Fideel | 08.23.2008 | 8:16 pm

  148. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.23.2008 | 10:47 pm

    Clay – I dig it, makes Kenny look like one of those carnival weight lifters from the 20s. He just needs to be holding some dumbbells – the kind with a ball on each end of the handle.

  149. Comment by ierkman | 08.23.2008 | 11:09 pm

    I have no idea why i gave this so much thought. Kenny is a chain master. So… Amazoness the Chain Master should be tatooed some where on him.

    On a seperate note Fatty; i made my first Leadville this year. About 20 minutes before the finish somoene in a fat cyclist jersey passed me and said “we are going to make this!”. Having no idea of where i was on the return course this just made my day and really inspired me to keep pushing. 11:43:42. Thanks Fatty and Susan. :)

  150. Comment by bee$ | 08.24.2008 | 1:34 am

    here is another one. I like it a little better than my first submission


  151. Comment by bee$ | 08.24.2008 | 1:35 am

    here is another one. I like it a little better than my first submission


  152. Comment by Nick | 08.24.2008 | 9:56 am

    I am out of town so no photoshop for me, but Kenny should go for the newbie look – a nice tat on the right calf showing the grease from his chainring that has transfered onto the calf as he takes his foot off the pedal. We all know the mark.

  153. Comment by Anonymous | 08.24.2008 | 9:57 am

    Trying again to link image.


    Reply from Fatty: Looks like you’ve got that photo set to private; it won’t display.

  154. Comment by fatty | 08.24.2008 | 12:16 pm

    Here are a few that have been emailed to me.

    1. From B21:

    2. From Keepyerbag:

    3. From Badder:

  155. Comment by fatty | 08.24.2008 | 12:32 pm

    I decided that I liked Tyler’s tattoo of Kenny if Kenny’s tattoo of Kenny being a picture of Kenny also had a tattoo of Kenny.


    Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich!

  156. Comment by Ian | 08.24.2008 | 1:03 pm

    This has been a great thread so far. My submission, unfortunately without access to photoshop, is for the splattered bug tattoo. Having familiarized myself with the art this morning (Florida, T.S. Fay, lots of water everywhere = bugs), I could not help but think of Kenny. Pick the limb, or chest, and a colorful splat, with the bug of your choice. Believe me, the tattoo can be as colorful as one wishes – yellow, green, brown, red and with hints of many others!

  157. Comment by Jared | 08.24.2008 | 3:08 pm

    K I know he said no chainrings since they weren’t original, but this is a redisign of one I’d made before that I wanted to get.


  158. Comment by Jared | 08.24.2008 | 3:15 pm


    Sorry about that, I guess I messed something up :(

    Second Try

    K I know he said no chainrings since they weren’t original, but this is a redisign of one I’d made before that I wanted to get.img-1259.jpg

  159. Comment by ann | 08.24.2008 | 8:57 pm

    OOOOOOOOOMG. I should have waited until Monday morning.

  160. Comment by KanyonKris | 08.24.2008 | 9:08 pm

    Kenny, here’s a big collection of cycling tattoos:

  161. Comment by Clay | 08.24.2008 | 9:44 pm

    I’ve got it! Get a Rock & Republic tat to match your $230 “Venom” R&R bibs …


  162. Comment by Clay | 08.24.2008 | 9:46 pm

    Only the best artist will do for Kenny … Kat Von D!


  163. Comment by Wheels | 08.25.2008 | 6:21 am

    Sadly, the R&R tat is just about the right balance of “hard core yet hip”. I realize it’s not a viable option, but it beats the more blasee chainring options. As for the venom bibs, how did they even manage to find a color to contrast the “venom” that would so obnoxiously encircle the goods? Frightening.
    Clay, don’t quit now. You’re on the cusp of something big (perhaps it’s just cereal shooting out my nose, but that’s something).

  164. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Hairpins are Magic | 08.25.2008 | 7:13 am

    [...] « Photoshop Contest: Design Kenny’s Tattoo, Win Cool Stuff [...]

  165. Comment by Mocougfan | 08.25.2008 | 7:16 am

    Hellarious. I’m a no tatoo guy…. but I thought Clay and Bitter where by far the funniest. KK had the most “realistic” one.

    Seriously good stuff here Fatman. Great idea.

  166. Comment by cheapie | 08.25.2008 | 7:32 am

    best. post. ever!!!! laughing so hard i’m worried my cube mates are going to come over and see what’s so funny.

  167. Comment by BurkeInTheOzarks | 08.25.2008 | 7:55 am

    Clay, you are the Photoshop KING! Great stuff!

    BTW, are you a regular FARK contributor? If not, you should be.

  168. Comment by Paul | 08.25.2008 | 5:06 pm

    omg clay’s bikini thong PS is awesome =D

  169. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Winners, Pills, a Brick, a Speech, and a Helicopter | 08.26.2008 | 8:27 am

    [...] week’s “Design Kenny’s Tattoo” Photoshop contest turned out great. Of course, the original intent — to help Kenny find a tattoo that [...]

  170. Comment by tattoodesign | 09.5.2008 | 12:27 pm

    Very interesting article but besides you need a tattoo design, right? Do you need a ton of ideas on how to design your own tattoo? Then look them here:


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