Exclusive: Lance Armstrong Returns to Pro Racing! (Plus Insider Reactions)

09.10.2008 | 11:38 am

A Note from Fatty: I don’t know what’s going on with my blog this week. I’ve been writing pretty normal posts (an open letter to Specialized, an ode to chocolate syrup), but when I post them, these weird “Journal of Dr. Prescott” stories have been appearing, instead.

So, because I have an important world-exclusive story today, I have disabled my normal publishing system and implemented a new, stronger data transfer algorithm (it’s vertically stiff and horizontally compliant, which is a good thing in data transfer algorithms), and am bringing you this news at great expense and personal risk.

Because the story must be told, that’s why.

Exclusive: Lance Armstrong Returns to Pro Racing
Austin, TX (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – In a major world-scooping exclusive, Fat Cyclist Fake News Service (FCFNS) is pleased to be the first to announce that Lance Armstrong will be returning to professional cycling.

“I’m returning to professional cycling,” Armstrong told FCFNS. “Which is to say, I’ll be racing my bike as a professional cyclist.”

“Also,” continued Armstrong in this very surprising and exclusive interview, “I will be joining a professional bicycle racing team, and I plan to race the Tour de France next year.”

“Finally,” summed up Armstrong in this unprecedented and unequaled interview, “I will be racing to win. And now I’ve got to go talk with those guys at Vanity Fair and tell them all the stuff I just told you.”

This news is certain to sweep the industry within the next few days, so FCFNS has contacted key players in the cycling industry to get their reactions.

Reaction from Team Astana
Johan Bruyneel, director of Team Astana, quickly denied that Armstrong will be racing with Team Astana. “We’re very excited to announce that we have nothing to announce,” said Bruyneel. “Lance Armstrong is not on our team, and you should not assume that he is on our team until we tell you he is, which will be in a couple of weeks. Further, when we announce that Armstrong will in fact be racing with Astana, we’d appreciate it if you’d all pretend to be surprised.”

Alberto Contador, winner of the 2007 Tour de France, expressed enthusiasm at the prospect of having Armstrong on the team. “In 2007 I gave my all in order to win the Tour de France. In 2008 — through no fault of my own — I was not allowed to defend my title. So, as you may expect, I’m very excited to return to the Tour de France in 2009 as a domestique to Mr. Armstrong.”

“How,” continued Contador, “could I possibly be anything but excited? The only way I could be more excited would be if Astana stole Basso from Liquigas, too. Maybe we could have a team made up of nothing but GC contenders. That would be swell.”

“Story of my life,” mumbled Levi Leipheimer.

Reaction from OLN
Executives from the OLN VS network were unavailable unable to comment, due to the fact that they were all rolling around on the floor, cheering, laughing, and praising various and sundry deity. Phrases that could made out through the din tended to be along the lines of, “We’re saved!”

Al Trautwig made himself available for comment outside VS headquarters. Since, however, nobody asked, he gave it anyway: “Lance Armstrong! Seven time Tour de France champion! Lance Lance Lance! The man from Texas! Lancity Lancity Lance Lance Lance!”

Trautwig was then ushered off the premises by local police, evidently at the request of VS security.

Reaction from Christian Prudhomme
Christian Prudhomme, director of the Tour de France, commented that, “We at ASO are simultaneously pleased and outraged that Lance Armstrong wants to race in the Tour de France next year. We sincerely look forward to the revenue, press, and excitement he will bring to the 2009 race, and look forward even more to leaking snide comments and unvetted test results to the press during the next several months.”

“You’ll need to excuse me now,” finished Prudhomme. “I need to go figure out how I can appear to be taking the high road when I announce that team Astana — which will otherwise have changed nothing since we barred them from racing in the 2008 Tour de France — is welcome in 2009.

Reaction from Greg Lemond
Former Tour de France champion Greg Lemond almost certainly has an opinion regarding this news, but nobody dared go near him to ask what it is.


PS: Cycling Utah, a printed monthly magazine, interviews me in the current issue. You can download a PDF here and discover how goofy and all over the map I am when people ask me straightforward questions.

PPS: Those of you who follow the comments section of this blog are undoubtedly familiar with BotchedExperiment. Well, Botched had himself one heck of a weekend, as detailed in his wife’s blog. Warning: it involves a chainsaw and some really, really gross photos of Botched’s leg. I think you get the idea.


  1. Comment by Rio's Rider | 09.10.2008 | 11:57 am

    As always, very funny, Fatty!

  2. Comment by Chad | 09.10.2008 | 12:01 pm

    FCFNS is the best source for cycling news

  3. Comment by neca | 09.10.2008 | 12:03 pm

    As soon as the story broke, I was anxiously awaiting your version! What happened to Al? Who’d rather cover the Olympics than the Tour? :-)

    WIN SUSAN!!!!

  4. Comment by bikemike | 09.10.2008 | 12:16 pm

    who’s coming outta where to do what?
    oh wait…nevermind

  5. Comment by Jeff | 09.10.2008 | 12:18 pm

    I like how Cycling Utah finished your interview on the page after “Taking Your Triathlon Training to the Next Level.”

  6. Comment by chtrich | 09.10.2008 | 12:20 pm

    Nice story Fatty.
    Holy crap on Botched!! I hope you have a speedy and safe recovery!

  7. Comment by Tim D | 09.10.2008 | 12:24 pm

    30 mins into todays Vuelta coverage and they’ve talked about nothing else.

  8. Comment by Bitter (I'm a girl) | 09.10.2008 | 12:28 pm

    lol- I love it! :)

    Personally, I wish Lance would sign up with Chipotle! Ever since I heard they sponsored a cycling team I was soooo happy! Besides Chipotle is a perfect mesh for Fat Cyclist readers and the new era of cyclists. Drug free and Mmmmmm Buuurrriiittttoooooo. *wipes drool off face*

  9. Comment by fatty | 09.10.2008 | 12:29 pm

    neca – for a while I used to wonder why Al doesn’t comment as often as before, but then when I discovered that he’s actually bike snob nyc it all made sense; his own blog keeps him busy.

  10. Comment by bikemike | 09.10.2008 | 12:29 pm

    oh my God, i looked, i looked. dangit botched, i know i was warned, in the words of robert deniro in ronin…” i think i’ll pass out now”

  11. Pingback by Exclusive: Lance Armstrong Returns to Pro Racing! (Plus Insider Reactions) | Randomblog blog | 09.10.2008 | 12:30 pm

    [...] Exclusive: Lance Armstrong Returns to Pro Racing! (Plus Insider Reactions) Posted by admin on September 10, 2008 random A Note from Fatty: I don’t know what’s going on with my blog this week. I’ve been writing pretty normal posts (an open letter to Specialized, an ode to chocolate syrup), but when I post them, these weird “Journal of Dr. Prescott” stories have been appearing, instead. [...]

  12. Comment by axel | 09.10.2008 | 12:34 pm

    I feel let down by lance. I had counted on him building a velodrome here in austin to break the hour record. Oh well, maybe after he re-retires.

    By the way, can you quickly do a fake news piece on Jan’s unretirement before it is not fake news anymore?

  13. Comment by Mike Roadie | 09.10.2008 | 12:35 pm

    I am also simultaneously pleased and outraged!

    You are one funny guy!!!!

    Very nice write up in Cycling Utah…..you could have told them that you were the uniting force in raising over $55,000 (so far) for the LAF!!!!

    RE: Botched: oh WOW….that is monstrous. I hope he is doing better and ready for the next big ride!


  14. Comment by Bitter (Actually, I'm a woman, not a girl) | 09.10.2008 | 12:55 pm

    “By the way, can you quickly do a fake news piece on Jan’s unretirement before it is not fake news anymore?”

    Brilliant! *grin*

  15. Comment by MikeonhisBike | 09.10.2008 | 1:00 pm

    I think Lance decided to come out of retirement after he raced in the Leadville 100. I’m thinking you had something to do with it. :-)

  16. Comment by MAJ Mike | 09.10.2008 | 1:04 pm

    Holy schniekies!!

  17. Comment by TomE | 09.10.2008 | 1:11 pm

    That was not an interview…that was a disertation on the Life of Fatty!!! Well done!

  18. Comment by graisseux | 09.10.2008 | 1:16 pm

    Some quotes from the AP article:

    “This kind of obscure bike race, totally kick-started my engine,” he told Vanity Fair…referring to the lung-searing 100-mile mountain bike race through the Colorado Rockies. “I’m going to try and win an eighth Tour de France.”

    “I have decided to return to professional cycling in order to raise awareness of the global cancer burden.”

    Sounds like Lance’d make a good member of the Fat Cyclist community. I also liked this:

    “Lance Armstrong is ready to swear off the chips and salsa…giving up relaxed days of a few beers and Tex-Mex food for a self-described monk’s life of disciplined training and punishing races.”

    Time for a B9 challenge with Lance’s participation?

  19. Comment by Tim D | 09.10.2008 | 1:28 pm

    In other news Landis is signing for a revamped HealthNet team. Maybe it will be rebranded LiveStrong?

  20. Comment by Hamish A | 09.10.2008 | 1:31 pm

    Nice FCFNS report. It’s been a while since we had a good lampooning *ahem*

    Good work Botched! Take it easy, trust your Doctors (even if they do look like Elmer Fudd) and you’ll be feeling fine in next to no time.

    Remember kids: Safety first – always have a photographer around to catalog any gruesome injuries. You get no bragging rights if there’s no photos!

    WIN Susan!

    And I guess Win Lance is in order as well. Awesome :-)

  21. Comment by S | 09.10.2008 | 1:33 pm

    Loved the cycling Utah thing. A bit like “Deliverance the documentary” but with bikes. How you make that all up I’ll never know. You should call Tarantino, there is a movie in there….

    On Lance..


    Wierd, I’d love it as it would drive the frogs mad


    It’s time to let go, the guy is a legend, leave it that way.

  22. Comment by Boz | 09.10.2008 | 1:34 pm

    Botched – way to go. I’m cutting wood this weekend. Bad Kharma seeing you that way. I’ve been running a chain saw since I way a wee lad and have never so much as nicked myself. Now I’ll be thinking of you every time I pull the starter cord.

  23. Comment by Amy in Edmond | 09.10.2008 | 1:44 pm

    I’ve never commented before, but do you think Lance coming out of retirement will be like the Brett Farve comeback fiasco.

    Just call me a bitter Packer fan. He should have stayed retired.

  24. Comment by Lowrydr | 09.10.2008 | 1:46 pm

    Great News…great write up in the Utah rag…dang lousy injury Botched.

    Get better Botched.


    Write more Fatty, write more!

  25. Comment by Thom at Chainring.TV | 09.10.2008 | 1:56 pm

    I’m definitely going to always wear my chaps when cutting from now on! Wow! Hope you have a speedy recovery, Botched!

  26. Comment by drapisking | 09.10.2008 | 2:30 pm

    I was looking forward to your post on this one from day one, and it was so up to my expectations. Good work fatty.

  27. Comment by axel | 09.10.2008 | 2:56 pm

    botched – inspired by that legless runner at the para-olympics? – get better!

  28. Comment by Saso | 09.10.2008 | 3:18 pm

    I enjoyed the post but even more so the article in the Utah News. Very honest, down-to-earth and touching. All the best to Susan.

    I also hoped that Eufemiano has something to say about Lance’s return at this age?

  29. Comment by Clydesdale | 09.10.2008 | 3:21 pm

    Nice piece Fatty.

    Bike Mike put it exactly how I would if I could stop barfing…….

  30. Comment by Paul | 09.10.2008 | 3:32 pm

    Dear Fatty, I don’t know how you do it, but keep doing it. This blog is my favorite read every day.

  31. Comment by rich | 09.10.2008 | 3:38 pm

    Nice writeup in Utah news Fatty – congrats!

    Botched, that’s crazy….Every time we head up to cut wood I put on those silly chaps and think, why am I doing this…..now I know….
    Heal up soon….

    Win Susan!

  32. Comment by BotchedExperiment | 09.10.2008 | 3:55 pm

    It’s paradoxic that I’d never ride my bike without a helmet, and when I’m in the skate park, I wear knee and elbow pads, but while using a chainsaw (which is 1000x more dangerous than a bike) I wear nothing. Well, not nothing, just no protective equipment.

    I guess I’m going to have to start wearing some protection in the future, ’cause I’m not going to have enough leg left to make another mistake!

  33. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.10.2008 | 4:06 pm

    Fatty – nice article in the Utah cycling mag.

    Botched – I think you should change the tooth angle at which you are sharpening your chainsaw – the current one takes a little too large of a kerf.

    That just wastes gas to remove that large of a kerf, man. And gas is really expensive these days. Like propane, which is why you were cutting wood in the first… well never mind.

    Seriously – bleh! Get well soon.

  34. Pingback by Lance Armstrong comes out of retirement to race the 2009 Tour de France « Cycling in Europe | 09.10.2008 | 4:14 pm

    [...] so that barrier is out of the way. Pps And nobody can describe Lance’s return as well as the Fat Cyclist! Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Armstrong Confirms Comeback Plan – [...]

  35. Comment by not a cyclist...... | 09.10.2008 | 4:22 pm

    Chocolate syrup? When did you write about chocolate syrup? Surely I would have remembered that one….

  36. Comment by Paul | 09.10.2008 | 4:39 pm

    I remember an open letter to shimano…. did I miss one to specialized?

  37. Comment by Lifesgreat | 09.10.2008 | 4:41 pm

    Funny post and nice article in Cycling Utah.

    Botched, I am too chicken to look at your wife’s blog, but want to wish you a speedy recovery.

    WIN Susan!

  38. Comment by Wheels | 09.10.2008 | 5:04 pm

    Is Al really BSNYC?? How did I miss that news?

  39. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.10.2008 | 5:29 pm

    hey, i’ll bet that before long, lance will be tired of being tired.

  40. Comment by fatty | 09.10.2008 | 6:12 pm

    wheels – i don’t actually know whether Al is bike snob nyc. i think he COULD be, tho.

  41. Comment by bikemike | 09.10.2008 | 6:42 pm

    hey, how about a story where, every cyclist that ever rode, comes back from retirement to race and we end up going back in time. we’d better do it quick because when they start smashing all those sub-atomic particles together at CERN in switzerland, we’re all going to be sucked into a black hole and end up on some deserted island, riding with a doctor from the future.

  42. Comment by barbara | 09.10.2008 | 7:18 pm

    Bikemike, BRILLIANT!

  43. Comment by joliver3 | 09.10.2008 | 7:35 pm

    Who’s this Dr. Prescott guy?

    I loved the ode to chocolate syrup; I could have written it myself! I especially liked the part where you rated the various combinations of chocolate syrup and other foods, with the chocolate-syrup-covered-chocolate chip brownie of course coming out on top.

    Great interview w/Utah Cycling. I didn’t think you came off as goofy at all, just as someone who has an obvious passion for biking and its role in your life.

    WIN Susan!

  44. Comment by Drew | 09.10.2008 | 7:57 pm

    I guess i am in the minority here. I love Lance and all, but I do wish retired athletes would stay that way. He will probably embarrass himself, and that is a shame. I just hope his cnacer work is what is really motivating him and that he has a good plan to display it, as opposed to his ego…

  45. Pingback by Moronacity » Blog Archive » Fat Cyclist Interview | 09.10.2008 | 8:06 pm

    [...] Fat Cyclist Fake News Service recently published a story about Lance Armstrong’s return to pro cycling. What I found [...]

  46. Comment by LindaLoo | 09.10.2008 | 8:11 pm

    Great article by Utah Cycling. My goodness, I had no idea there were that many of us reading, which means there are over 10,000 people sending good vibes into the universe for SUSAN! Cool. My favorite blog was the one in June called Metaphor and you called it right with the least favorite one. This is the first place I come to everyday.Thanks Fatty!
    And Botched EEWWW… so glad yer OK and hope you are back on the bike soon!

  47. Comment by Anonymous | 09.10.2008 | 8:52 pm

    wow botched — hope you heal fast!

  48. Comment by Al Maviva | 09.10.2008 | 9:09 pm

    Okay, fine, here’s the scoop.

    I’m not BikeSnobNYC.

    I’m actually Dick Cheney.


    You people didn’t really believe that crap about me running the country, did you?

    None of it was true. It’s a cover story. Fact is, soon as we moved to Washington, me and Lynn realized that the only things in life that really matter, are money, eating lots of red meat, and riding fixed gear bikes around town in really nasty smelling clothes. So I grew several of my hairs real long and got a job with Best Messenger. Most days I spend sitting around DuPont Circle smoking blunts, but a lot of days I drop docs along K and Eye Street. It’s true what they say – change your clothes, lose the Secret Service detail and the the stretch limo, the helicopter hovering overhead, the two ambulances and the three armored Chevy Suburbans following you, along with the two dozen DC PD motorcycle cops, and people hardly recognize you. Cripes, I served process on that bastard Jack Abramoff and he tipped me pretty well, but didn’t even offer a a raised eyebrow of recognition. You’d think one of my top fundraisers would know me… I guess the nose ring and the denim knickers, the full sleeve tats (naked babes, mostly) and the body odor, threw him off.

    Me and Lynn are doing great here in D.C., thanks. I’m a little peeved to see that Botched screwed up his leg – way to blow that rep about Wyomingites being evil geniuses there, dillweed. I worked long and hard to put the evil genius reputation of Wyoming on the map, and you go and try to shave your legs for the bike race using your old Homelite. Back to the drawing board, I guess. As for you Botched, I’ve got a set of chaps I’ll loan you. Lynn thinks I look great walking around the house in them, but they’re a little to Brokeback for me, if you know what I mean; they’d probably work for you though.

    It’s been a revelation, I tell you. We’ve been off the grid – no TV, no news, just checking this here site from the public library once in a while, but that’s it. So hey, who is running the country nowadays? I left that kid in charge of it, used to work for his old man. I’m pretty sure he didn’t last past 2004, right? Kid rode a mountain bike like a fool, he did, *great* engine but no handling skills whatsoever and not a lick of sense. Tested out new trails with his face, most of the time, in spite of getting free bikes from Gary Fisher and ride-alongs with that Lance chap who won the Tour twice, quite a remarkable feat if you ask me. Anyhow, I have no idea what’s going on in the world and I like it that way. I just ride my bike, read this website, deliver packages, and win alley cats. And smoke hella dope. Can’t forget that, though smoking hella dope makes it kind of easy to forget that.

    Oh, who’s doing my job? Funny you should ask. I hired this sharp little cookie from Alaska as my secretary a few years ago. Real bright, former sportscaster, cute too, and her husband is secretly working on a cure for cancer, and negotiating peace between the Russians and the Chechnyans. She’s a good hunter too. Funny story – I let her shoot one of my lawyer friends from Houston in the face on a hunting trip a couple years ago on a bet. I didn’t think she’d have the stones to do it, but boy, was I wrong. So when she promised she’d look after the VP’s office for a couple years while I was gone, I had to take her up on her offer. I’m sure you’ve never heard of her, but danged if she wasn’t good at running that office, almost like she was elected to it or something. Oh gosh, whatser name? Sally.. Suzy… Samantha… something with an “S”. Nuts, I can’t remember. Must be all the dope. Regardless, I’m sure she can handle it while I’m gone, not like the VP does anything important.

    So that’s the whole story. I feel bad that Fatty decided to start spreading lies about me, compelling this detailed confession, but that doesn’t bother me. Life is too short to hold grudges. So I pay some guys from Blackwater Security to hold them for me. No big deal, just if you’re riding with Fatty and you see a couple black helicopters fly by with M-240’s on sling mounts in the doors and some guys that look like they mean business hanging out the sides, couple Hellfires under the fuselage, you may want to hit the deck.

    I guess now that my cover’s blown I’ll have to start going to work at the stupid White House every day. You have no idea how much of a drag that is – suits every day, foreigners visiting, staffers always wanting you to sign stuff authorizing invasions and stuff… Hey, you think whoever is president now would let me build a half-pipe in the Rose Garden? Before me and Lynne dropped off the grid, we had plenty of budget surplus, so it shouldn’t be a problem getting a bitchin’ halfpipe built, right?

    One other thing. I know who that BikeSnob guy is. It’s George Will. He has a big rep as a baseball purist, but he took up riding bikes a couple years ago, and now he’s just as much of a pain in the ass about bikes as he is about baseball. Blah blah blah blah blah, just bitches about everything. He’s just afraid to tell anybody that he’s gotten into bikes because he’s terrified Bob Novak would get in his Corvette and try to run him down. Bob’s got a history of that, you know.

  49. Comment by ty | 09.10.2008 | 9:22 pm

    nice post man. I love the Contador section!

  50. Comment by Axel | 09.10.2008 | 9:45 pm


    In a related news service, Lance talks
    about the real reasons behind his comeback, and the introduction of new wristbands (not sure if you saw it)

  51. Comment by Kathleen | 09.10.2008 | 10:56 pm

    That’s some mighty fine faux writing my friend! I knew I could count on you to get the facts…oh, you mean to say you use the term “fact” lightly? Alrighty then.

    And OH MY GOD, I scrolled down too far on Botched’s wife’s blog (although she warned me) – completely gruesome. Poor guy.

  52. Comment by Miles Archer | 09.10.2008 | 11:26 pm

    I guess I know now how to make realistic looking chainsaw wounds for halloween.

    Ugh. I’m glad he’s mostly ok.

  53. Comment by Mtbnomore | 09.11.2008 | 12:46 am

    I’m still waiting for the official statement from Lemond to come through as well. Who said the off season was going to be boring this year?

  54. Comment by Shiny Flu | 09.11.2008 | 2:45 am

    This way Contador and Lance can ‘visit’ Spain together! Fun times.

  55. Comment by Anonymous | 09.11.2008 | 4:32 am

    Fake news, at long last! Good stuff, Fatty.

    Sometimes LeMond reminds me of the proverbial old guy on the park bench having an argument with “himself”. I’m not sure why but that is the image that comes to mind when he rants against Lance and others. You nailed that same vibe in your fake news story.

  56. Comment by wing-nut | 09.11.2008 | 6:21 am

    If he is sincere, Lance should create his own team. Let the other stars complete their dreams and contracts. A Livestrong team would be a better pulpit for his cancer awareness message anyway. And think of the marketing potential, Livestrong shirts would be more identifiable in the US than Astana.

  57. Comment by Di | 09.11.2008 | 6:39 am

    I loved the Cycling Utah article! It’s cool when you read an article and keep agreeing with different points. “That’s how I feel!” I understand a lot of it firsthand: the struggle between fitness and fatness, the social aspect, the link between pedaling your butt off and maintaining your sanity. :-)

    BTW, the picture you gave them made me laugh, not because you were making a funny face (forgive me if that’s your usual expression ;-) ), but because you look like a guy who could play a pharaoh in a movie.

  58. Comment by DougG | 09.11.2008 | 7:24 am

    I’m hoping Lance joins the new Cervelo Test team. What better way to promote a new team?
    Botched, that one reason I got rid of our wood stove and put in a wood pellet stove instead. No chopping, cutting, stacking of wood, just open the bad and pour the pellets in the stove.

  59. Comment by Mocougfan | 09.11.2008 | 7:36 am

    Welcome back AlSnob.

  60. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 09.11.2008 | 7:37 am

    I’m really surprised Ulrich isn’t coming back. His old team is sure to take him in.

    That’s T-mobile…High Road…Astana. I’m sure Jan would love to make a comeback as super-domestique #3 for Captain America.

    Although I’m not sure how that would go politically, the whole Americans and Germans fighting on the same side on French soil. But it is a new century and to quote a famous Bob, the times they are a changin’.

  61. Comment by Eber | 09.11.2008 | 8:05 am

    oh lordy, Botched! I haven’t been able to push food entirely down the esophagus all morning! I am perpetualy on the brink of hurl!

    heal up, ride soon!

  62. Comment by Flyin' Ute | 09.11.2008 | 8:40 am

    Lance didn’t embarass himself at Leadville and I think it will be fun to see him ride again whether he wins or not.

    Botched? Heal up bro.

    Anyone doing the 12 hours of Sundance race on Saturday? I’ll be there.

  63. Comment by FliesOnly | 09.11.2008 | 8:45 am

    It’s it funny, but also somewhat strange that your “fake news” is likely more accurate than the “real news”?

  64. Comment by CoolScreenNametoCome | 09.11.2008 | 9:14 am

    Lance completed the first race of his comeback schedule last night by racing in the local Aspen Cycling Club MTB race. Check out the Aspen Times web site for picture and story. Too bad I missed the race. Probably my only time to ever be in the same field with him.

    Oh and love the pictures of Botched’s leg. I hope he has a speedy recovery.

  65. Comment by El Animal | 09.11.2008 | 9:59 am

    Fatty, said: “Story of my life,” mumbled Levi Leipheimer.

    I just spit coffee through my nose. Thanks for making my day. I was waiting for your post about Lance.

  66. Comment by Bitter (It's my last name) | 09.11.2008 | 10:44 am

    Wing-nut, that’s a great idea.

    Lance should form his own team. I wonder though, if people have already signed long-term contracts and if they’d be able to wiggle out of them, allowing him to pull a team together. …. Hmmm

  67. Comment by Kt | 09.11.2008 | 10:52 am

    Al, thank you. Your comment made me laugh so hard, it’s almost as good as the original post.

    Botched: I’ve got your wife’s blog open in another tab, but wanted to finish reading Fatty’s stuff first. I’ve been warned, yes, and I intend to go see what the heck you did, but before I do: whatever you did, I hope you heal up fast.

    Fatty, congrats on the interview!

    Susan: WIN!!!

  68. Comment by Maria | 09.11.2008 | 12:02 pm

    I just had to click on the pics to see what Botched did. OUCH! I hope you’re better soon and kudos to the wife for being able to stand and take pics!

    Congrats Fatty on your interview. This was all good stuff.

  69. Comment by Esmerelda | 09.11.2008 | 2:44 pm


    Thanks for making me laugh out loud. I love the coverage of the reactions of all The Tour snobs.

  70. Comment by Susie | 09.11.2008 | 5:21 pm

    It’s really just the funniest thing. I am not a cyclist. I’m not even particularly athletic. I just started running (not cycling) this year with Team in Training because my aunt has terminal cancer. I watched the Tour of California this year (before I found your blog) because I work a mile from where it was coming through in Davis (which also happens to have more bicyclists per capita than any other city in America). I found your blog sometime this summer. All this to say, I don’t know why cycling keeps coming up for me, but one thing is for sure…reading your blog on a daily basis makes me feel a part of the cycling world. (When I heard that Lance A. was coming out of retirement on the radio the other day, my first thought was, wonder what Elden will do with this one!)

    So, despite the fact that this post is a bit rambling, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your life with us, the good, the not so good, and the downright gnarly. (I reference certain pictures you linked today.) You and Susan are an inspiration and an example of all that is good.

    Win, Susan!

  71. Comment by Dobovedo | 09.11.2008 | 8:32 pm

    As hilarious as the post was, Al’s confessional nearly had me wetting myself. “Tested out new trails with his face, most of the time, in spite of getting free bikes from Gary Fisher and ride-alongs with that Lance chap who won the Tour twice, quite a remarkable feat if you ask me.” hahahahahahahahahaha

  72. Comment by TigerMouth | 09.11.2008 | 8:57 pm

    This chain of confusion is amusing, and led to the funny post from Al Maviva.

    Comment by neca | 09.10.2008 | 12:03 pm
    As soon as the story broke, I was anxiously awaiting your version! What happened to Al? Who’d rather cover the Olympics than the Tour?

    [neca is referring to Al Trautwig]

    Comment by fatty | 09.10.2008 | 12:29 pm
    neca – for a while I used to wonder why Al doesn’t comment as often as before, but then when I discovered that he’s actually bike snob nyc it all made sense; his own blog keeps him busy.

    [fatty thinks neca means Al Maviva]

    Comment by Al Maviva | 09.10.2008 | 9:09 pm
    Okay, fine, here’s the scoop.
    I’m not BikeSnobNYC.
    I’m actually Dick Cheney.
    [and so on for an amusing page and a half.]

    [Al Maviva runs with this case of mistaken identity while Al Trautwig yells, “Lance, Lance, Lance!”

  73. Comment by Ronster | 09.13.2008 | 10:56 am

    Loved the Cycling Utah interview…. great stuff.

    And I hope you **do** write a book! At least, a non-technical one (ala your previous “Inside WordPerfect” or whatever it was). Put me down for one please!

    Been visiting your site for sometime now.. wouldn’t miss it.


  74. Comment by AMG in Texas | 09.18.2008 | 10:58 am

    Fatty – Wins another trophy with this post!!!
    Botched – Wins a free ride in an ambulance and airplane thanks to his texting while running his chainsaw!! (Get better btw)
    Al – You cant fool me that you live in NYC, we all know that you are a state trooper in Alaska!!! Well if you are in NYC, why haven’t you auditioned for SNL? I hear they need a Dick Cheney impersonator (tip.. wear a plaid shirt for the audition and comb your hair like Belushi)
    Susan – Hang tough and Win!!!

  75. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » I Have a Theory | 09.19.2008 | 10:07 am

    [...] Theory As you learned in my world-exclusive announcement last week, Lance Armstrong is returning to professional cycling. What Lance didn’t tell me [...]

  76. Comment by Tandy | 09.21.2008 | 5:31 am




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