This post may wander a bit, which is appropriate, because my intention is to talk about how my mind currently wanders a bit.
The way things are going, though, I may wind up talking about something else entirely. I guess we’ll find out after I get to the end of this post.
Wow. I’ve started wandering already.
Sorry About That, Joyce
At work today, a coworker — the HR person in my company — walked by and said hi to me.
"Hi, Lynne," I replied.
She disappeared into her office, after which the person I was talking with said, "Uh, that was Joyce."
It’s not weird that I called someone by the wrong name. I am pretty sure I call my twins by the wrong name more often than by their correct names. What’s weird is that I didn’t realize I had called her the wrong name until someone pointed it out.
Dimness like this is pretty common for me right now. Earlier that morning I was giving a presentation to the sales team in my company and came across the acronym "SOA." It’s possibly the most common acronym used at my company, but I could not remember what it stood for.
"I’ve blanked on what SOA stands for," I admitted.
"Service-Oriented Architecture!" the sales team yelled, in unison (and probably with some concern that the product manager for the company didn’t know).
Deer in Headlights
I’m kind of limping along with this blog, too. I mean, I tried to be kinda funny about the Velveeta thing last week, but after I finished it I could see that it wasn’t right — it skirted and glanced off of the joke, without actually being funny.
And I’ve had to breathe into a paper bag a few times when I’ve considered what I’ve done by committing to building and maintaining a set of four teams for the LiveStrong Challenge, along with drumming up all the support to make them successful. It’s the right thing to do, but my energy isn’t up to my intentions.
So of course I posted a request for help, and now I’ve got more than 350 unread email messages, from people volunteering to help me out. I’ve opened my email program five or six times with the intention to start working through the list. Then I shut it down, telling myself I’ll get to it later.
No, I’m not bailing out. Just acknowledging that today I feel weak. It’s weird to be in a state of being so overwhelmed you can’t even process offers of assistance.
The thing is, try as I might to fake it, I am seriously overextended, mental energy-wise. I have used up everything I have trying to take care of Susan and the kids, with a little left over for my job.
I know, some of you will encourage me to set aside the blog and take care of the essentials. And that’s good advice.
But I’m not going to take it.
See, writing helps me clarify what’s spinning around in my head. Plus, I feel like it’s worthwhile to describe this whole experience, as honestly as I can. And right now, that means writing — and I get the irony here — about not having the energy to write. About trying to focus my thoughts well enough to describe how I’m currently unable to focus.
Seriously, I have no idea of whether I’ve succeeded or not.