Yesterday was Susan’s funeral.
Leading up to it — the night before, and the morning of — I had the same symptoms I have before a big race. Nausea, inability to focus, aimless wandering, constant checking and rechecking to make sure I have everything I need.
But during the funeral, I was OK. By “OK” of course I mean that I cried pretty much through the whole thing, including during when I spoke (I had myself go first, so I wouldn’t be nervous and unable to pay attention to others through the whole thing). But since that was expected, I was OK with it.
Kenny made and printed a 5×8 photo collage to go with each program:
The service itself was really good. It seemed every speaker knew and loved the same things about Susan: her creativity, her self-effacement, her love of family, and her courage and strength.
The funeral was hard on my kids, but they were brave and they made me proud.
And since I asked the core team to be the pallbearers, I got a once-in-a-lifetime photo: the core team, all wearing ties:
Since Wednesday, I’ve been focusing on the funeral during most of my waking hours. Having tasks and a deadline has been helpful.
So now that it’s over, I’m giving myself some new tasks, some of which are definitely more task-like than others.
- Race the Leadville 100. I no longer have any reason to not race the Leadville 100. Furthermore, I feel like I have incentive to attack it like never before. Tomorrow I’ll detail my race plan, but for now: I’m going to ride it, and I’m going to race it hard.
- Ride the Philly LiveStrong Challenge. The weekend after Leadville, I’m going to Philadelphia to participate in the LiveStrong Challenge. I’m very, very excited to finally meet some more members of Team Fatty, although I must say that I’m a little bit afraid of my co-captain, Philly Jen. Since she has more energy than an unmodified human could possibly have, I suspect that she is either doping, or is a warrior robot from outer space. Either way, I’m concerned.
- Get the kids’ school year started. They’re really excited about this, I can tell you.
- Figure out and pay all the medical bills. I’m really excited about this, I can tell you.
- Work on a book proposal. I think it’s time I write a book.
- Write something funny for this blog. Some of you may recall that once upon a time I had a sense of humor. I’d like to find out if I still do.
This week — no, I guess it hasn’t even been a week, actually — has been the longest of my life. I appreciate the thousands of comments and email messages you all have left. Your support has made an awful time much easier to cope with.
PS: I got this email from Riley, a friend of mine who’s also racing the Leadville 100 this weekend:
I’m in Leadville, and decided to take a pre-ride up Columbine. Of course I was wearing my “Win” jersey. It happened to attract the attention of the guy in attached picture. He asked me how you were holding up; and I told him that you were fighting even more. He sent his regards and condolences.
Thanks for sending that in, Riley. That’s very cool of both you and Lance.