A Note from Fatty: This Monday, I’ll be unveiling the 2010 Fat Cyclist jerseys, and a whole bunch more. They’ll be available for pre-order right away, and will arrive well before Thanksgiving. Here are a few sneak previews into what you’ll be seeing:
- The orange/black/white color scheme will make a triumphant return
- The Team Fatty (pink/black/white) version will be available at the same time as the standard version
- Fat Cyclist water bottles will now be using the Camelbak Podium bottles that I love so much
More info and maybe even a sneak peek into the design coming soon.
Ideas for My Philadelphia Speech
Tomorrow afternoon I fly out to Philadelphia to participate in my first-ever LiveStrong Challenge. I have to say, I’m a little bit nervous. See, thanks to the incredible generosity of FatCyclist.com readers and the amazing focus of the members of Team Fatty, we’re in a pretty unusual situation:
We have won all of the awards. Every single one of them.
Which means I have to get up in front of a bunch of people the night before the ride and say something.
Something approximately 10 – 15 minutes long.
And while I originally promised the LiveStrong folks that I would give them an outline three days ago, I’m afraid it’s not quite finished yet. Also, it’s not quite started yet. But that’s what long plane flights are for, right?
Anyways, I thought I’d use today’s post to just kind of bounce some ideas off you and get your feedback on what you think.
Idea 1: Harangue
This will be a large audience of people who are very focused on fighting cancer, and have each done a lot of terrific work toward the cause. So maybe I’ll make them feel bad by telling them, for fifteen minutes, that they could have done more. Perhaps I’ll go around the room and get specific.
Idea 2: Blind Panic
My earliest childhood memory is of being put in front of a roomful of extended family and being told to sing a song I had been rehearsing for days and knew by heart. At that moment, however, I no longer remembered any of the song. Nor did I remember how to sing. Or what language was. However, my “fight or flight” instinct was working just fine. And since everyone in the room was much bigger, flight seemed like the best choice.
Maybe it’s time for me to reprise that act. Except this time, not everyone will be bigger than me. Which means the “fight or flight” choice becomes much more interesting.
Idea 3: Recite an Excerpt from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Back when I was in high school, I skipped the whole sports thing and instead focused on the most surefire way I could imagine to get my head frequently stuck in a toilet: speech team. I gained notoriety for the “humor interpretation” event, where one voice-acted an excerpt from a published work. And my Hitchhiker’s Guide excerpt just killed. (I did the part where the Heart of Gold arrives at Magrathea, for those of you who, like me, have memorized the book.)
Considering that most people, following a heavy pasta dinner, are already going to be fighting the urge to sleep, maybe some good ol’ fashioned humor interp (as we in the biz called it) will be just what they need.
Idea 4: Sell Amway
I’ve got this large, captive audience, consisting entirely of self-motivated people who are not afraid to ask their friends and family for money. Maybe this is the perfect moment for me to get into multilevel marketing.
Just imagine my downstream!
Idea 5: Free Verse + Interpretive Dance
What many of you may not know about me is that I am a very capable poet, and am an especially competent composer of free verse. I like free verse because I don’t have to worry about meter. Or rhymes. Basically, if I understand correctly, free verse is like regular writing, except you press the Return key more often. For example:
if I understand correctly
free verse is like regular writing
except you press the Return key
See? Same sentence, infinitely greater depth. Of course, to make free verse really come to life, one must read it aloud as if one were considering and weighing each word, after having taken a Valium. You know, the way they talk on NPR.
Oh, and of course I’d need to hire a mime to physically interpret my poem as I read it aloud.
Idea 6: Give ‘Em What They Want
Suppose you were seated and ready to hear a speech. And then, suddenly, instead of a speech, the nominal speaker passed out really delicious pie. Wouldn’t you be pleasantly surprised? Wouldn’t you say to yourself, “I cannot think of a speech I would enjoy even half as much as I am enjoying this pie.”
Yes, that’s exactly what you would say.
Especially if the pie had a really nice scoop of vanilla bean ice cream.
Idea 7: Ramble
The most awesome thing about my blog is that I have a backspace key. This makes it possible for me to write whatever comes into my head, then erase the parts I wish wouldn’t have come into my head.
Unfortunately, when I talk I have no backspace key. This is not to say that I say lots of things that I wish I wouldn’t have. Rather, I tend to take a long time to get to the point I want to make. I find myself wishing for verbal parentheses and em-dashes to bracket off the tangential remarks I keep seeming to make.
And in conclusion, it often takes me a long time to get to the point.
But what if I got on stage and just gave free rein to the pinballesque thoughts that bump through my head, which would be factorially amped by the adrenaline caused by standing in front of people?
And then, after ten minutes, I could sit down, having not quite yet gotten completely to the first of three points I really wanted to get to.
Yeah, I think I’d better get back to work on writing this thing.