2010: A Fat Cyclist Jersey Primer / Tease

08.21.2009 | 8:45 am

This is Mike Roadie.


Mike is a Friend of Fatty.

Mike is co-captain of Team Fatty-Austin.

Mike is nice.

We like Mike.

But look!


Mike is hot!

Mike is sad!

Why is Mike sad?

Mike is sad because Mike is hot.

Why is Mike sad and hot?

Maybe Mike is hot because he lives here:


This is Florida.

Florida is a place.

The sun feels hot in Florida.

Very very hot.

The sun feels hot in other places too.

Like Texas!


And Hell!


Does it get hot where you live?

I bet it does!

Does it get hotter than hell? I hope not!

But look! What is this?


Oh my.

Mike is crying!

Mike is begging!

Mike is begging and crying!

Why are you crying and begging, Mike?

“I am crying because I am hot,” says Mike.

“I am crying because my jersey is black,” says Mike.

“I am begging because I want a jersey that is not black.”


Poor Mike.

Poor, poor Mike.

Mike is so sad.

What will happen to Mike?

Will Mike get what he wants?

Will Mike stop begging?

Will Mike be happy?

On Monday, we will find out.

Poor, poor Mike.

PS: I fly to Philly today. Expect me to go into phone-based, frequent mini-post mode throughout the weekend.


  1. Comment by Lana | 08.21.2009 | 8:47 am

    LMAO – That was a horribly mean tease (I was expecting a swatch or something at the end at least). I fly out in less than 7 hours – Philly, here I come!

  2. Comment by Rose | 08.21.2009 | 8:47 am

    Mike is funny when he begs and cries.

  3. Comment by jj | 08.21.2009 | 8:48 am

    Mike looks like he wants a Pink and White jersey. Or maybe a White and Pink jersey.

    I know I do — and it doesn’t even get that hot here in CO.


  4. Comment by Rose | 08.21.2009 | 8:48 am

    PS – Have a great time in Philly!

  5. Comment by MOCougFan | 08.21.2009 | 9:04 am

    Awesome. Nice teaser.

  6. Comment by TomE | 08.21.2009 | 9:04 am

    Dr Seuss has NOTHING on you Fatty!!! Waiting with baited breath in Colorado!!!

  7. Comment by Heather | 08.21.2009 | 9:09 am

    Dang! Thought we were getting a sneak peak. But I’m ready to pre-order. And here in SC…it gets hotter than the hinges of hell so hoping for something not black or I may be crying with Mike. Have a GREAT trip to Philly and I’m sure your speech will be AWESOME…although I like the pie idea. If you can’t get the speech written…go with pie. Have a WONDERFUL weekend!

  8. Comment by dieselmike | 08.21.2009 | 9:15 am

    I am a poor Mike from Texas. My next two rides are the Vernon Burnin and Hotter than Hell 100. Get it? I will be wearing one of my black Fatty jerseys to each looking and feeling like I belong in the inner ring or your hell graphic. Please for us poor Southern folk make a light jersey!

  9. Comment by psychorider | 08.21.2009 | 9:17 am

    Mike should lose the black helmet… :)
    Maybe a Fat Cyclist helmet would help.

  10. Comment by Mike Roadie | 08.21.2009 | 9:17 am

    I am hot!!!!

    And it is warm here!!!!

    Oh, not that kind of hot???????

    Please help me!!!!!

    Have a great time in Philly–we are proud of you!!


  11. Comment by Paul | 08.21.2009 | 9:20 am

    Two Words FULL ZIP

    For those of us that are truely fat cyclists please make them FULLLLLL ZIPPPPP

  12. Comment by Mikeonhisbike | 08.21.2009 | 9:23 am

    OK, that wasn’t just a tease. That was a pull the carpet out from under you tease. I can’t wait, I can’t wait,I can’t wait,I can’t wait,I can’t wait!!!!

  13. Comment by whitney | 08.21.2009 | 9:32 am

    Mike and I are two birds of a feather! excited for new non-black fatty gear, although black is SOOOOO slimming.

  14. Comment by Canadian Roadie | 08.21.2009 | 9:34 am

    You are such a tease!!! Love the pics, can’t wait til Monday!

  15. Comment by mhb | 08.21.2009 | 9:36 am

    Not sure why, but the line “Florida is a place” had me roaring.

    I’m guessing white with black and orange trimmin’s.

    Have a blast in Philly!

  16. Comment by Vet Sculler | 08.21.2009 | 9:49 am

    That wasn’t Dr Seuss, that was Free Verse,
    and Fatty always writes with perfect style.
    Team 6 should choose a style to stop Mike curse
    ing; white will show the dirt but make him smile !

    (I’ll get my coat …)

    Paul W

  17. Comment by DoubleFourValve | 08.21.2009 | 9:56 am

    Fatty, I hope that wasn’t your speech.

    I think you should try to work one of Aesop’s Fables into your speech, although they are better suited to handling unsolicited phone calls.

  18. Comment by Powerful Pete | 08.21.2009 | 10:01 am

    Yup. That was an annoying tease… ;-)

    Having used the black jersey while in South Carolina earlier this summer… riding… sweating… sad… I concur with Mike!

    Ok, you get the point. And show us the new jersey design already.

  19. Comment by Jenni Laurita | 08.21.2009 | 10:02 am

    Whatever the new jersey is, PLEASE Twin Six make a ton of them. And more Fat Cyclist everything basically. Water bottles, lots and lots of water bottles (pink please).

  20. Comment by Cycle Coaching | 08.21.2009 | 10:12 am

    Yes more merchandise. Loooooooking goooood! :-)

  21. Comment by Jaime O. | 08.21.2009 | 10:13 am

    Fatty, did you write this post instead of your speech?

  22. Comment by Doug | 08.21.2009 | 10:19 am

    I agree please have Twin Six make enough Jersey’s for all of us. They always run out so quick.

  23. Comment by @PeckishCyclist | 08.21.2009 | 10:22 am

    Hooray! Now I’ll have Fatty gear for both San Francisco seasons: summer and the 364 days of chill and fog.

  24. Comment by BellaCroix | 08.21.2009 | 10:25 am

    Um… Fatty… not to pick bones but there’s no sun in Hell. In fact… since you used a map of Dante’s Hell I’m sure you know there’s a level of hell that’s actually a lake of ice with all the tormented souls frozen in place.

    Just saying…

  25. Comment by Don | 08.21.2009 | 10:26 am

    OOOH! Are you going to make those awful, er stylish, fishnet mesh half shirts from the 80’s into jersey’s?! That would be HOT!

  26. Comment by AngieG | 08.21.2009 | 10:35 am

    Us California folks appreciate your consideration for the non black Fatty jersey. Altough I agree with Whitney they black is very slimming, I can tell you the San Jose Livestrong was in the high 90’s, low 100’s and about -10% humidity. We baked on the road. I think I actually saw MattC melt right out of his jersey. Ok he’s 140lbs wet, but still, you get my point. Wait, maybe thats where he got the dent in his top tube?

    Good Luck in Philly. Be prepared to be welcomed like a celebrity. Why, because you are THE Fat Cyclist and are revered and adored across the globe.

  27. Comment by Jeff L. | 08.21.2009 | 10:42 am

    Cruel, mean tease! I was so expecting a preview at the end of the post! AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

    Good luck in Philly! (Try not to ride of the side of a mountain road. You can only survive so many of those.)

  28. Comment by Justin | 08.21.2009 | 10:43 am

    I am waiting, credit card in hand, to purchase the new FC gear.

  29. Comment by jj | 08.21.2009 | 10:45 am

    As a transplanted Canadian living in NC, I can definitely get behind a non-black jersey although I do love the look. As for Mike Roadie – I’m thinking he has the chops for the Philly interpretive dance.

  30. Comment by km | 08.21.2009 | 10:46 am

    Wait a minute, the fourth ring of hell includes “Hoarders and Spendthrifts.” Does my large vintage collection of 7sp derailuers and early-mid 90’s 8sp kit condemn me to hell???!!!! Also, if you could have done that post in the vein of Dr. Seuss I’d have been more amused. ;-) Good luck in Philly! Break a leg.

  31. Comment by Steve | 08.21.2009 | 10:52 am

    Wait a minute, I recall someone whose name rhymes with “mat tight list” arguing that black jerseys were actually cooler than white ones.

  32. Comment by dieselmike | 08.21.2009 | 11:08 am

    And there was supposed to be a test done on identical twins to determine if black is truly hotter. What happened to that?

  33. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.21.2009 | 11:16 am

    ?????????? I thought it was already scientifically demonstrated that black jerseys are NOT hotter, unless you are sitting still in windless conditions in the sun.

    Mike, you are not sitting around slacking it are you?

  34. Comment by darrell | 08.21.2009 | 11:17 am

    If it is a sunny day when I ride I put on a white jersey but if it is overcast I wear the black Fat Cyclist jersey. Woe is me when it starts overcast and ends up 90 and sunny, I bake and that is not a pretty sight at all. The pictures above of Mike makes him look cool and happy compared to the redfaced sweaty ready to die face I project on those days when I get caught out in the sun with the black jersey. A lighter colored jersey would be very well recieved and I would order one for sure.

    Good Luck on your speech.

  35. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.21.2009 | 11:17 am

    Oh, BTW, Go Team Fatty, Philly!, Go Fatty! FLS!

  36. Comment by Susan Tomlinson | 08.21.2009 | 11:18 am

    I am very excited that the jersey will not be black since I live in TX, another HOT place. But I’m a little worried. I have a dentist appointment first thing Monday morning…will the jerseys be sold out before my teeth are cleaned?

    Maybe it will be possible to ordered them using my iPhone *while* the dentist works on my teeth…

    Please, oh please, make a lot of them so I will have a chance to order one.

  37. Comment by Haven (used to be Kt) | 08.21.2009 | 11:18 am

    Oh man, I laughed really hard when reading this post. I think I broke something, my stomach muscles hurt from laughing so hard.

    I love the hell pic– I didn’t know they had a waiting room for people who can’t make up their minds. Do they play bad muzak there and have outdated reader’s digests and Time magazines to read there?

    Really looking forward to Monday– and that’s not something I can say every day, you know.

    Have fun in Philly!

    The pre-order starts on Monday and goes for eight days — to the end of business day, Tuesday. There’s no upper limit on the pre-order; we’ll make as many as are ordered during that week. So you should go to your dentist with confidence. Or at least as much confidence as one can go to the dentist. – FC

  38. Comment by Mike P | 08.21.2009 | 11:22 am

    Oh man, I’ve been DYING for a “not-black” fatcyclist jersey ever since the initial black & orange version (which I still wear, albeit on cloudy days). Illinois is not a hot place, but black + sunshine still makes it ranked up there in my mind.

    I will be pre-ordering whatever not-black option may become available, as soon as it’s available.

  39. Comment by Clydesteve | 08.21.2009 | 11:23 am

    ummm, TomE, I don’t think baited breath means what you think it means…. That is something my dog or a seal would appreciate, however.

    Mayhaps you await with bated breath??

  40. Comment by GenghisKhan | 08.21.2009 | 11:41 am

    Great tease and yes, yes, Mike is hot! Er…

  41. Comment by Rita | 08.21.2009 | 12:01 pm

    Too funny, and so cruel. Whatever it is, you know we want it – but yes, full zip would be great, and pleeeaase not white

  42. Comment by Kris | 08.21.2009 | 12:08 pm

    Yes, it is hotter than hell. The Hotter than Hell 100 in Wichita Falls, Texas is next saturday. I will be in my BLACK FC Jersey. Love it.

  43. Comment by Shelia | 08.21.2009 | 12:12 pm

    I am a Texan and no one should have to wear black here!! Its 100+ here.

  44. Comment by regina | 08.21.2009 | 12:13 pm

    Mike is hilarious!
    Mike is Mime?
    Mike you rock, ride on.

  45. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 08.21.2009 | 12:15 pm

    I’m so excited to see the new jersey!

  46. Comment by TimRides | 08.21.2009 | 12:22 pm

    Gotta say, I’ve been riding here in Texas in both my black FC jerseys and other jerseys this summer and I’m not cooking any worse in black than in the others. It’s HOT no matter what color you are wearing (and for you engineers, “no matter what color or non-color you are wearing”).

    Have a great time in Philly, Fatty! By the way, will you be posting as “Philly Fatty” this weekend?.

    LS, FLS

  47. Comment by SpikeBlue | 08.21.2009 | 12:23 pm

    There is a castle in Hell?! Sweet – I’ll meet you guys at the bar. I’ll be the one weariing my black fat cyclist jersey, cause I’m a glutton for punishment!

    See everyone in Philly on Sunday!

  48. Comment by Jeff | 08.21.2009 | 12:24 pm

    I think I just figured out what I want for Christmas…

    Now I just have to work on emulating Mike’s facial expression the next time I want to buy another bike!

  49. Comment by dodey | 08.21.2009 | 12:27 pm

    I think the black jersey is good looking.

  50. Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 08.21.2009 | 12:34 pm

    My black jersey fits right in here in the big foggy city I call home (SF) but I can see Mike’s point.

    Have a great ride Team Philly!!!

  51. Comment by Weiland | 08.21.2009 | 12:38 pm

    It’s only 95 degrees today in Austin, yep had to do a double take it’s the first day below 100 in quite some time. Rest assured Mike when the LiveStrong Challenge hits here in Austin in October it will be Fall so bring arm warmers, it will be in the 80s.

  52. Comment by Beth | 08.21.2009 | 12:47 pm

    There once was a man named Mike
    Who invariably was on a bike
    He went back and forth;and set a straight course
    That Fat Cyclist jersey wearin Mike

  53. Comment by Doug | 08.21.2009 | 12:55 pm

    Maybe a white jersey before the Austin ride!?!?!?

  54. Comment by Chris B | 08.21.2009 | 1:06 pm

    I’m so excited! I’m ordering one of each “colorway”.

  55. Comment by Lowrydr | 08.21.2009 | 1:08 pm

    Ummm, I’m guessing Orange
    with Black
    and White trim.
    Have fun
    in Philly

    Fight Like Susan.

  56. Comment by Micheal Green | 08.21.2009 | 1:13 pm

    Your post is funny and all, but what is most disconcerting is the fact that I am heading to the IV level of Hell due to my spend thriftiness.


  57. Comment by Jack M. | 08.21.2009 | 1:44 pm

    Any chance of bigger sizes for those of us TRUELY fat? The 3XL I got last time felt like I was cramming myself into a large for the first time in 10 years (not to worry, my roomy sports it all over now).

    If not possible, no surprise, I understand… They don’t seem to make bike products for the 375 pounders among us (or am I alone?) who ride 50 miles a week…

  58. Comment by bobbieh | 08.21.2009 | 2:20 pm

    Poor, poor Mike ~ I hope he finds the relief he seeks on Monday!!!

  59. Comment by Deb Mc | 08.21.2009 | 2:41 pm

    How about re-stocking the fatty t-shirt for your non-cycling fans (of which there are many, I’m sure)

  60. Comment by gail | 08.21.2009 | 2:54 pm

    I can’t wait for the unveiling, and I really really wish I could be there in Philly!

  61. Comment by Anonymous | 08.21.2009 | 2:56 pm

    I have a funny story about the pink fatcyclist jersey. I was in Friday Harbor on San Juan Island for a biking camping trip. I was wearing the pink fatcyclist jersey while waiting for an ATM. Another woman waiting a well, was giving me the stink eye. Finally, she said, “that is an odd shirt (in a very critical, judgmental voice) and asked why is said fat cyclist.” I explained about your blog, your self nickname, your wife Susan thus the pink and Win in the pocket, and the fight for cancer. She relaxed a little although still sounding somewhat critical and skeptical and said, “I GUESS that’s a little better then.”

  62. Comment by 100poundsago | 08.21.2009 | 3:29 pm

    You have a future writing kids books my friend.

  63. Comment by MtnbikeWife | 08.21.2009 | 3:31 pm

    A not white jersey? Now I know exactly what I’m getting my husband for his bday. We are in the PHX area, which is located between the fourth and fifth circle of hell.

  64. Comment by donbiker | 08.21.2009 | 5:03 pm

    Precise scientific experiment on white vs. black. Go to a parking lot in midday. Find a reasonably clean white stripe. Place hand on stripe. Withdraw hand. Then very carefully put hand on nearby asphalt. Prepare to jump.

  65. Comment by ricky | 08.21.2009 | 5:23 pm

    can’t wait for the big reveal. btw, you should be writing teasers for versus!

  66. Comment by blair houghton | 08.21.2009 | 5:29 pm

    i live in arizona

    hell is a town in holland

    arizona is on average 30F (16C) hotter than holland

    i have not yet got a team fatty jersey for this reason

    i have also not moved to holland, because it would not solve the problem, since that’s where hell is

    but a non-black team fatty jersey would

  67. Comment by Carla | 08.21.2009 | 6:20 pm

    I think an all pink jersey would totally rock :) If you meet a nerd in Philly that goes by the name of Dobo – tell him is a total nerd. He really is from Ohio but will way he is from NC. Trying to be a Tri geek and will succeed at his Ironman.

    Have Fun – your speech will bring the house down. Have fun.

  68. Comment by Brian | 08.21.2009 | 6:26 pm

    Black is very stylish, but not very visiblish. Looking forward to something that will let the cars see my a little better.

    Now can you make the arm sleeves not so constricting?


  69. Comment by Jamieson | 08.21.2009 | 8:03 pm

    Remember that there are 2 jerseys to order – 2010 Team Fatty and the regular jersey. There are 2 colorways being offered.

  70. Comment by bubbaseadog | 08.21.2009 | 8:21 pm

    need our jersey fix soon. we are the fc addicts gotta have our fix. try to stay upright in philly no more aid station stories. your body can only take so much not to mention your ego . have fun and keep on fighting like susan

  71. Comment by cattio | 08.21.2009 | 8:25 pm

    lol.. :)

    will be cheering for you in philly. i’ll be the one in the yellow tshirt. haha.

  72. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 08.21.2009 | 8:29 pm

    Is the opposite to black is slimming that white is fattening. For this reason alone those of us who came to the fatcyclist because we identified with him would prefer non-white surely. The Orange sounds just about right.
    Nice photo essay Mike without the words it just looks like your knix are two sizes too small. Cheers

  73. Comment by co | 08.21.2009 | 8:43 pm

    AZ is hot. But I mentioned that when you said your black jerseys were the end-all. I’m happy to think the next batch might be neither halloween nor black…

  74. Comment by Patty Guinta | 08.21.2009 | 9:16 pm

    I might just call in sick on Monday so as not to miss the fun. WIN in Philly!

  75. Comment by ToddBS | 08.21.2009 | 9:31 pm

    I live in that hot place, too.
    I feel Mike’s pain (and electrolyte loss).

  76. Comment by Garmon | 08.21.2009 | 9:47 pm

    I’m with Mike. For some weird reason all my jerseys lately (Fat Cyclist, Twin 6, and Rosarito/Ensenada) have been black. So it’s like, “what will I wear today, my black jersey, my black and red jersey, or my black and white jersey?”

    Looking forward to Monday.

  77. Comment by Lizzylou | 08.22.2009 | 5:54 am

    Please no hi-vis yellow. Please no hi-vis yellow.

  78. Comment by Philly Jen | 08.22.2009 | 7:14 am

    I think there must be some kind of mix-up with the captions.

    Isn’t that the Team Fatty Austin captain begging Team Fatty Philly, Team Fatty San Jose, and Team Fatty Seattle to raise even more money AFTER the Philly ride so that Team Austin is not left to solo the last 300K+ to our million-dollar goal?

    Or perhaps is it the Team Fatty Austin captain pleading with readers to join the Austin squad as Virtual Challenge members to help us put Team Fatty up and over the top?

    C’mon people — and you too, my amazing Philly Fatties, once our day in the sun (or under the downpour, as the case may be) is over. Be a two-timer.

    Join the Team Fatty Austin Virtual Challenge!

  79. Comment by ChefJT | 08.22.2009 | 9:21 am

    I have an old Pink Fatty Jersey. Thought about wearing it at Philly tomorrow, but a team is a team, so…..

    Guess I’ll get up early Monday to Pre-order!

  80. Comment by buckythedonkey | 08.22.2009 | 10:01 am

    A white jersey that shrinks the gut? In T6 we trust.

    Good luck in Philly everybody!


  81. Comment by Linda | 08.22.2009 | 10:15 am

    white with pink! pretty please?

  82. Comment by Isela | 08.22.2009 | 11:16 am

    Mike deserves another color jersey…poor Mike.

  83. Comment by Pete | 08.22.2009 | 1:12 pm

    Man, when you mentioned a new run of jerseys the other day the first thing that came to my mind was “please don’t make it black. Down here in FL my cool-looking black jerseys only come out from November to April.

  84. Comment by bobbieh | 08.22.2009 | 1:57 pm

    PS ~ how about tees and sweatshirts, too!!!

    And a pink rubber bracelet that sez “Fight like Susan”!!!

    Good luck in Philly!!!

  85. Comment by bobbles | 08.22.2009 | 11:03 pm

    With that black and red Giro helmet Mike has on, it looks like he has a lobster claw on his head!

  86. Comment by MonsTher | 08.23.2009 | 8:39 am

    What about jerseys in other sizes than L and XL? Want that good locking jersey too – in women’s size! (Black is totally ok i Norway….;-))

  87. Comment by EdLark | 08.23.2009 | 12:53 pm

    Total tease!! Not cool, man. Not cool. (But amusing. ;)

  88. Comment by Big Mel | 08.23.2009 | 7:42 pm

    It should have the WIN with the tear drop somewhere on it!!!!!

    Should also be available in M and XXL!!

  89. Comment by bobbles | 08.24.2009 | 2:15 am

    Aha!!! Staying up wayyy too late finally paid off! Can I get the first order in??

  90. Comment by bobbles | 08.24.2009 | 2:18 am

    Awww I guess not. The page is there but they’re “out of stock”. Sure they are…


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