Incontrovertible Truths

09.1.2009 | 10:17 am

200909010648.jpgA Note from Fatty: Today’s the last day of the 2010 Fat Cyclist Apparel Pre-Order. Yes, that’s right. I called it “Fat Cyclist Apparel.” And I’d like you to, as well.

For info on everything, including clever — but not necessarily informative or helpful — descriptions, click here. Or just go to my page on the Twin Six site if, for some reason, you don’t feel the need to read my finely-crafted text.

The pre-order ends today at 5:00pm CDT, at which point the Twin Six guys will collapse gratefully on a couch, and will probably add me to their Do Not Call list.

And remember, $25 from each Team Fatty (the white / black / pink ones) — both mens‘ and womens‘ versions — goes to the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

Preliminary Incontrovertible Truths

We are officially — because I hereby declare it, thus making it official — in the best part of the year for riding. It’s the best because we’re (yes, all of us) in the best shape we’re going to be for the year, but generally don’t have any more big races or events planned. So we get to use our fitness to actually go out and have some fun on our bikes.

Imagine that.

It’s the best part of the year for riding because the days are still warm, but the heat doesn’t feel quite so brutal. As if the heat is no longer a malevolent force, bent on crushing your body and sucking out your soul. Now it’s a friendly heat. Like a blanket, or a warm omelette. Or a Sunday afternoon in Paris.

It occurs to me that I may be overselling this “not as hot” thing. Let’s move on.

It’s the best part of the year for riding because the trees are just starting to change colors. On yesterday’s ride, I saw three trees that had gone red. Which means that in the next two weeks, the Alpine Loop is going to explode into crazy colors, so bright that they grab your attention, bright reds you see from the corners of your eyes.

And in short, it’s a not-half-bad time to get on your bike. And so yesterday, I did. I rode the Alpine Loop, tacking on the Cascade Springs spur for good measure. A nice four-hour ride, with maybe 5,000 feet of climbing.

Oh, by the way, I was doing the ride on this:


But how I came to be in possession of the twin of the Orbea Orca (I’ll take mine in Fat Cyclist Orange, thanks) I gave away a couple weeks ago is a story for another day. A good story, but not the one I want to tell right now. (I will confess, however, to often going into the garage and just looking at it.)

OK, back to truth-telling.

With all that climbing, there’s bound to be some serious descending. Which I love. In fact, I recently posited to Dug that a good road descent — and the Alpine Loop is a very good road descent — is just as exciting as any mountain bike descent.

To my surprise, Dug agreed with me. “It’s like when you dream about flying, except the dream part,” said Dug.

And in short, I wonder if there is any more pure sensation of speed than descending a mountain pass on good pavement on a really well-made road bike. I can’t think of one.

Of course — and alas — cyclists are not the only ones on the road.

Incontrovertible Truths About Automobile Drivers Who Do Not Yield On Paved Mountain Descents

If you’re even moderately aggressive in your descending, you’re going to be faster than at least some cars and trucks, and especially faster than trucks pulling trailers.

When this happens, the feeling of disappointment is nearly insurmountable. “All that work — that endless, painful climb — and now there’s going to be no payoff,” I think to myself, because I have conditioned myself to assume the worst: that the vehicle I am trailing at approximately one quarter the speed I’d like to be going will not take the minimal, simple, courteous, two-second effort of slowing and pulling over to the side of the road, so that I can blow by and resume my rapturous descent.

But as I’m riding my brakes for twenty minutes, I have time to think. And to analyze. And thus, yesterday, behind a horse trailer for approximately half my life, I came to the following epiphanies about the kind of people who do not let me by as I descend on my road bike:

  • It never even occurs to non-yielders that you might want to get by them. They think you’re right there because you find them — and their vehicle — attractive.
  • Non-yielders never look in their rear view mirrors, except to check to see if their chewing tobacco is stuck between their teeth.
  • Non-yielders are confident that 5/8 of the road belongs to them, and that oncoming traffic can make do with the other 3/8.
  • Non-yielders were not breast-fed as children. They still harbor resentment of this fact and express it whenever they can.
  • Non-yielders are full of malice and bile.
  • Non-yielders are the same people who, when you were climbing, honked and yelled at you for making them veer two feet out of their way, potentially delaying them by up to three seconds.
  • Non-yielders hate children and puppies.
  • Non-yielders invented lint. And they wrote the screenplay for Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen. And those are the only two things non-yielders have ever produced.
  • Non-yielders cut in line at the Chuck-O-Rama buffet, shouldering aside grandmas and grandpas to get to the baked potato bar before all the Bac-O-Bits are gone.
  • Non-yielders feel thwarted somehow if I do manage to squeak around them.

Incontrovertible Truths About Automobile Drivers Who DO Yield On Paved Mountain Descents

Occasionally — and this did in fact happen to me yesterday — I’ll close in on a car. The familiar despondence will set in and I’ll begin to dream about the descent that might have been.

And then the car will slow down a little and pull over — not coming to a full stop, not pulling off the road, just pulling over enough to give me some room.

And then my heart will soar.

I have the following to say about people who yield to me in this manner:

  • Yielders almost certainly have bikes of their own.
  • Yielders are wise and kind. And very attractive physically, too.
  • Yielders apply the Golden Rule as it was actually intended
  • Yielders invented penicillin. And chocolate. And cheese.
  • Yielders realize that it doesn’t actually cost them much in the way of time, effort, or dignity to let me by.
  • Yielders not only have their rear-view mirrors aimed correctly, but are actually quite likely to use them from time to time.
  • Yielders are 80% likely to remember to get mom something on Mother’s Day than non-yielders.
  • In some cultures, Yielders are regarded as sacred, and there word is regarded as prophecy.
  • Yielders earn, on average, 42% higher wages than non-yielders.

True facts, all of them. They must be, because you are reading them right now on a popular internet site, written by a beloved and award-winning cycling celebrity.

So feel free to share this information with your friends. Especially the ones who tend to drive trucks with horse trailers down mountain passes.


  1. Comment by BunE | 09.1.2009 | 10:27 am

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – Just dreadful

  2. Comment by 100poundsago | 09.1.2009 | 10:28 am

    Thanks for clearing up any character differences between yielders and the evil mongering puppy kicking non-yielders…..and for detroying my keyboard from laughing water out of my nose on to it.

  3. Comment by GenghisKhan | 09.1.2009 | 10:31 am

    Yielders/Non-Yielders–so true!

    Do you pass cars when descending? I’ve done so, and it’s kinda rude/scary/cool/fun.

    Whatup with the Orbea?!

  4. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.1.2009 | 10:34 am

    and non-yielders breath through their mouth even when they are not ascending.

    which, I think probably gets back to the no breast-fed resentment, among other things.

  5. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.1.2009 | 10:36 am

    non-yeilders are 64.2% more likely to be named Cleetus than yielders

    my first name is “Elden” and my middle name is “Clyde” so i try not to snark at names. – FC

  6. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.1.2009 | 10:37 am

    and thier horse trailers have one of those stupid “Show Horse On Board” signs. Which is why they think you WANT to be behind them.

  7. Comment by Clydesteve | 09.1.2009 | 10:39 am

    OK, Elden you have shown us a lot of cool bikes, many of then living in your garage. This is the one that, finally makes me jealous. I am not a jealous person, but this one trips me up.

    Please do not bring that beautiful Orbea to Austin. It would cause me to sin.

  8. Comment by ygduf | 09.1.2009 | 10:42 am

    That Orbea belongs in the living room with the rest of the family.

  9. Comment by Steve | 09.1.2009 | 10:46 am

    Looks like your chain is too long. (Sorry, that was the jealous, petty me that’s wanted an Orbea Orca since I saw one in a shop in Tucson two years ago.)

    Here’s what I should have written first. Beautiful bike, especially in Fat Cyclist orange. (But your chain does look like it might be a little too long.)

  10. Comment by geraldatwork | 09.1.2009 | 10:47 am

    This is the part of the cycling year I usually look forward to for the reasons you presented. Especially at this time of year most riders have finally rounded into their best shape. Unfortunately my left hip has deteriorated to the point where I am getting hip replacement surgery next Tuesday which I am looking forward to. I will be blogging about my progress (hopefully) to give anyone else an idea what to expect. Click on my name for the link.

    hip replacement: that’s harsh. good luck with the surgery and recover quickly. next season will be here before you know it. – FC

  11. Comment by Dave | 09.1.2009 | 10:49 am

    I’m not gutsy enough to even descend that quickly. However, when I ride on paved trails around where I live, it is not uncommon to get trapped behind a golf cart. Sometimes I’ll just pull over and let them get ahead rather than toil directly behind them.

  12. Comment by Tom Fury | 09.1.2009 | 10:56 am

    Living in the midwest I have to say I’ve never been in that situation before – either on my bike or in a car, so the idea of yielding probably wouldn’t even occur to me. Here in Michigan you know that no matter how long the descent, in about another 30 feet you’ll be peddling uphill again. If I ever DID see a bike catching up to me though, my reaction would probably be “Holy crap, there’s a freakin’ bicycle passing me!”

  13. Comment by Fuzzy | 09.1.2009 | 10:59 am

    Descending- Check.
    At speed- Check (51.8mph current PB).
    One of the best feelings in the world- Check.

    How to improve?
    Looking back to yesterdays guest post (BikecopVT), how about this-

    Responding to a immediate response incident (personal attacka alarm at Town Centre bank) your intrepid Cycle Cop finds himself at the top of an almost 1 mile 10% gradient paved road descent with medium traffic. Intrepid Cycle Cop is suddenly out of the saddle, changing through the gears as he accelerates. On reaching spin out point, he regains the saddle and puts himself into an aerodynamic tucks along the top tube. With the scream of wind in his ears he blasts past the vehicular traffic descending the hill, managing a thumbs up and smile to the driver of a truck that yields to him. As he approaches the bottom of the descent, his brakes smoke and he turns off the hill onto flat road and arrives at the bank 3 minutes before foot and car Officers back him up.

    Max speed shown on his bike computer? 47.9 mph. All this on a hard tail MTB complete with loaded rack pack, ballistic and stab proof vest and about 25 lbs of equipment.

    Was he smiling?

    Oh yes indeedy!

    Fight Like Susan!

    Luv ‘n Stuff
    Fuzzy from the UK.

  14. Comment by Shortbus | 09.1.2009 | 10:59 am

    Climbs, descents, seasons, yielders …sigh… living in the land of sweat and mosquitos (Florida) I’ll just have to ride vicariously through the stories of those of you lucky enough to have those things.

  15. Comment by dug | 09.1.2009 | 11:11 am

    A Daniel come to judgment! yea, a Daniel!
    O wise young judge, how I do honour thee!

    on the other hand, i bet cleetus could come up with a similar list for cyclists who climb narrow mountain roads anything other than single file.

    but cleetus’s list would be stupid and full of misspellings and stuff.

  16. Comment by BikecopVT | 09.1.2009 | 11:12 am

    Non-yielders also let their dogs hang out the windows of their trucks. On occasion they jump out of said window onto a cyclist. I speak from experience. Ninety pound Rottweiler at 50+ mph = lots and lots of road rash (and a new bike).

    Fight Like Susan!

  17. Comment by Lowrydr | 09.1.2009 | 11:15 am

    So that’s how to spell epifiney?

    Hummmn, so I should expect to get a raise any day now along with a better physical presence to boot, now that’s cool. I thought I’d be a fat man all winter. I’m a yielder from way back.

    I really love to bomb downhill on my recumbent trike. And being that close to the ground it can get scary. Cars don’t know what to think when they see me coming.

    Great looking ride leaning in the front yard. Can’t wait to hear the story on how you talked someone out of it. Did you used to sell used cars on the corner?

  18. Comment by iowakathy | 09.1.2009 | 11:17 am

    all this talk of not yielding and yielding makes me want to plug Dave Z’s grass roots campaign to help cyclists survive the road by making cyclists and drivers more aware.

    Seems like common courtesy to get out of the way of a cyclist, but then, I’m a cyclist. :D

  19. Comment by mateo | 09.1.2009 | 11:18 am

    The Orbea is a twin down to the Di2…is electronic shifting really the cheese of the future?

  20. Comment by centurion | 09.1.2009 | 11:22 am

    You left out the third option, those that increase speed and let you draft them downhill at 50+ mph when the speed limit is 25, in a national park. Both of you grinning like the idiots you are.

  21. Comment by tavis | 09.1.2009 | 11:23 am

    Don’t have any more races or events planned? Evidently your garage is lacking a cyclocross bike…

  22. Comment by AngieG | 09.1.2009 | 11:29 am

    Oh, a great descent. *Sigh* PB is 42mph. It makes the pain of the climb so worth while. Alhtough I must agree the only thing better is blowing the doors off the guy that just honked and yelled obscenties out the window at you just 5 minutes before, and while you pass, in your drops in the perfect aerdynamic tuck, just turn your head and let the corners of your mouth turn up. Then tuck back and let him eat your dust.(Well ok the eat your dust comment was quite exagerated, but you get the point) Still it gives you chicken skin!

  23. Comment by eunicesara | 09.1.2009 | 11:34 am

    ahem, from one of “those people” who pull horse trailers. Believe me – I’d MUCH rather be driving my horse, or riding my horse than belching oily smoke out the tailpipe while gazing at my rear view mirrors and apologizing over and over and over again for blocking traffic.
    I also work for a living, and really hate getting behind the cars with no pedal on the right, who don’t look in their rear-view mirrors and so don’t notice that there is a half-mile of bumper to bumper traffic barely rolling behind them. And they don’t pull over, either.
    And, if you ride my bumper, even if I’m going faster than I want to because you’re riding my bumper, I will pull over.
    Hope the top back doors on the horse trailer were closed. Tail in the face can be painful.

    you’re not one of those people just because you pull a horse trailer. you’re only one of those people if you don’t let me by if you can. and in short, you don’t sound like one of those people.

    good advice on the back door! – FC

  24. Comment by Jaime O. | 09.1.2009 | 11:39 am

    Being from a non-mountainous state, if I ever don’t let you pass me on a mountain it is because I have peed my pants from driving in the mountains and am trying really hard not to number two, not because I don’t have love for the cyclist. The chances of me getting any closer to certain death that looms beside the road…nil. You’ll recognize me because I’ll be the one chanting “ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod” over and over.

  25. Comment by GenghisKhan | 09.1.2009 | 11:45 am

    @Dug–nice counterpoint. As a canyon cyclist/driver, I am often irritated to see two and three abreast cyclists taking up the lane!

    there are cyclists with three breasts? that seems excessive. – FC

  26. Comment by Cleetus | 09.1.2009 | 12:05 pm

    Wuts up wit dis talk? U don like lookin at da bak of my hors tralr? Am I goin tu slo fer yer gay-lookin tite shorts warin skiny tir bik? Why shoot, whi don U tri drivin a hors tralr fas down a hil an not scarin the bejesus out of da hors by drivin lik a craz lunatik sometim!

    And hay, I cant even se U in my bak facin mirer cuz da tralr is blokin my vue. So dare! Get off’n my bak! (an I only kik puppy if’n it gits in my way!)

    An hay….was dat U in da bufet line de oter day, blokin me from getin my taters n bak-O-bits?

  27. Comment by Jim | 09.1.2009 | 12:07 pm

    After the revolution, there will be no more NONYIELDERS! Viva la revolucion!

  28. Comment by Karin | 09.1.2009 | 12:08 pm

    Non-yielders are also more likely to suffer from SPS, run red lights and drive with their duallys in the bike lane.

  29. Comment by steventoby | 09.1.2009 | 12:44 pm

    I hate you….sorry, I meant to say ‘nice bike’!

  30. Comment by Fat Cathy | 09.1.2009 | 12:45 pm

    uh, what was this post about again? You lost me after the picture of your new Orbea Orca. I wandered off into full drool, daydreaming mode. And I even have an Orbea Orca. Mine is older and definately not as cool as yours. I’m trying to think of reasons it needs to be replaced.

  31. Comment by Annie | 09.1.2009 | 1:00 pm

    I love that Non-Yielders were not breastfed as babies. I gave birth to my third child on Thursday, am struggling with the Baby Blues, and feel like nothing more than a milk machine. I needed your humor today!

  32. Comment by Math. | 09.1.2009 | 1:04 pm

    Ha ha ha!!!! You almost made me spitt my milk out my nose today! I can’t seem to find it but I remember Snobby posted something along those lines someday. Only probably in regards of NYC bike lanes and SUVs and stuff.

    @ Fuzzy: that pictures just drew itself as I was reading your comment…….PRICELESS!

    Thanks for the entertainement Fatty.

  33. Comment by VT_Rob | 09.1.2009 | 1:09 pm

    I keep having this problem. Every time Elden busts out something new and shiny like the Orbea, I think about being jealous. Then I remember all he’s been through, and realize if anyone deserves these things, it’s him.

    (As point of reference the Orca or Cervelo R3 are the road bikes I would by if I won Powerball. And the Singlefly is a thing of absolute beauty.)

  34. Comment by Mikeonhisbike | 09.1.2009 | 1:22 pm

    This summer while on vacation I rode the Alpine loop and during the descent a car passed me. I was ticked but with it being my rookie descent of the Alpine Loop I didn’t have the guts to pass him back. Next time, I’m passing ALL cars on the descent. The Alpine Loop rocks! Makes visiting the in-laws almost worth it.

  35. Comment by Marrock | 09.1.2009 | 1:27 pm

    Puts me in mind of a horse trailer I rolled up behind at a stop light a couple years ago… I’m willing to bet it’s owner was a yielder.

    Across the rear gate was lettered the statement “Do not be what you see.”

  36. Comment by rabidrunner | 09.1.2009 | 1:32 pm

    It’s too bad you didn’t number the non-yielder characteristics. Because then I could tell you that my favorite is #8 (non-yielders wrote the screenplay to Revenge of the Fallen). Incidentally, being stuck behind 8 trucks (and their trailers) would be better than a repeat of that dreadful film.

    Well done. That was a good one.

  37. Comment by Animator Thom | 09.1.2009 | 1:46 pm

    Even worse is when the “non-yielder” passes you just before the descent begins.

  38. Comment by Steve | 09.1.2009 | 1:49 pm

    Well… I’m not too happy that you singled out the horse trailer people. It isn’t always easy pulling one. I think it should be a required part of getting a drivers license to pull a trailer of some kind just so you know what it’s like.

    “Most people” seem to be unable to drive behind a horse trailer no matter what speed the trailer is going and will often do the darnedest things to get around you (playing chicken with an on-coming semi). That being said, I try to be courteous when I’m pulling the trailer. If there is a wide shoulder, I’ll try to let you by, but just because your tailgating my trailer doesn’t mean I have to endanger myself or my horse just so you can go faster.

    The horse is more important than you are. :)

    I probably shouldn’t have singled out horse trailers. But where I’m riding, that’s the kind of trailers there are on the road (the Alpine Loop is as popular with citizens of Equestria as it is with cyclists). The fact that you’ll yield if it’s easy and safe is all I ask or want.

    Oh, and I pulled a horse trailer (full of lawn care equipment) as a daily part of my job as a teenager. Well, technically, the truck pulled it, because my quads were not yet as awesome as they are now. – FC

  39. Comment by Randoboy | 09.1.2009 | 1:52 pm

    In the gaps of the North Georgia mountains, we get a lot of motorcycles. The crotch-rockets brush by your elbow going up at 40 mph, and the hawgs go budda-budda-budda heading down at 20.

    There’s not much you can do with the crotch-rockets, other than kind of smile sadly when you ride past the accident site 10 minutes later (“Yeah, Sam, scrape it all up — they need it for the autopsy”). When a horde of Harleys goes over the top just as I’m about to head down, I usually pull over in the nearest bush and pee. The mountains here are short enough that this usually gets them down and out of my way.

  40. Comment by Powerful Pete | 09.1.2009 | 1:53 pm

    1. You are riding a brand new Orbea. I have suddenly developed a deep seated jealousy and significant dislike for you, Fatty. I mean, riding it is one thing. Showing it off… is that really necessary?

    2. I agree about the non-yielders. Fortunately, most cars here in the Old World are smaller, so you can usually squeeze by.

    3. Happiness is bombing down an Alpine downhill. Can there be anything more thrilling (and to think we would regularly ride down the Iseran or Moncenisio on 21′ clinchers!).

    4. In Nirvana all the non-yielders are bike washers.

  41. Comment by TimRides | 09.1.2009 | 1:55 pm

    First you tease us on Twitter with the Orbea Orca.

    Now you tease us on the blog with the Orbea Orca.

    You tease!

    BTW, the season isn’t done yet. Some of us are training for this little ride in Austin. 8^)

  42. Comment by RobN | 09.1.2009 | 2:02 pm

    See, now I was going to say that non-yielders rightly assume that they will get stuck behind you on the next ascent and that with nothing but curves and no shoulder, they will either be stuck going 6 miles an hour for as long as it takes the rider to make it to the top or they will attempt to pass and somebody will write about crazy drivers who don’t leave them enough room on mountain ascents.

    That would be a valid observation in some places, but not where I ride. The descents I’m talking about are 7 – 10 miles long. Once I’ve passed the yielder, he will not see me again. – FC

  43. Comment by Bob E | 09.1.2009 | 2:07 pm

    Having just moved from the O.C. to Highland I’ve been riding Alpine Loop (American Fork canyon) 2-3 times a week. It is the best canyon descent anywhere. Super Fun. I’ve had cars pull out in front of me at the Timpanogos visitors center even though they can see my flashing headlight coming. They just think they are going to go down the canyon faster – but they never do. Early this morning I saw the Ranger go by at the Tibble Fork Stop Sign so I u-turned and rode back up to the first outhouse before beginning my descent. I still caught the Ranger a mile+ before the guard shack and decided she was probably not going to be happy motor pacing me at 45+ mph and the chance of her yielding was close to zero so I had to sit up and relax.

    Welcome to this big slice of heaven. – FC

  44. Comment by Andrea | 09.1.2009 | 2:08 pm

    Non-yielders take ALL of the pennies out of the “give or take a penny” jar at the counter. You know they do.

  45. Comment by RonH | 09.1.2009 | 2:27 pm

    Actually Paris was rather cool on Sunday; knickers and long sleeve jersey.

    Fight Like Susan

    now you’re just trying to piss me off. – FC

  46. Comment by Weiland | 09.1.2009 | 2:33 pm

    Oh come on, I didn’t get the option on my 09 Orca in Team Fatty colors. Nor did I get fancy Di components, just the plain jane Dura Ace. I guess I can’t complain on a free bike.


  47. Comment by m | 09.1.2009 | 2:42 pm

    Same on a motorcycle. A run up the mountain wasted, stuck behind a van who’s driving on top of the dashed yellow line. *shakes fist* On the topic of people who invented lint and kick weakened puppies — the mountain residents have taken to doing things like creating oil slicks and throwing gravel on the roads. I would know this from experience, since I plowed into a ditch thanks to them folk. Good thing the ditch was there, tho.

  48. Comment by dagmar | 09.1.2009 | 3:02 pm

    i have encountered too many non-yielders with children or puppies in their vehicles. i hope that they like their children/puppies but all i have to say about that is they sure are setting a bad example!

  49. Comment by Jenni Laurita | 09.1.2009 | 3:12 pm

    5000 feet of climbing? No wonder (P)hilladelphia was not an issue for you. Sheesh.
    And 10 mile descents?! I’m there.

  50. Comment by Chris B | 09.1.2009 | 3:15 pm

    Less heat? Less? In the Bay Area this time of year means more heat. Well it was 110 on Saturday so it must be true right? I felt like my skin was melting.

  51. Comment by Joel P. | 09.1.2009 | 3:20 pm

    Great piece. You cracked me up and after a long boring day at work I needed that. As a cyclist and a yielder I could relate. I’ve even experienced the rath of non-yielders while myself yielding for fellow cyclists.

    Joel P.

  52. Comment by Yaniel | 09.1.2009 | 3:27 pm

    talk about a post i can’t relate to! sundays ride was with temps at 105 degrees, the leaves never change color and i’ve never descended a mountain, unless you count a bridge as a mountain. oh how i love you miami

    i guess i can relate on one point. if that orbea was in my garage i would stare at it too!

  53. Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 09.1.2009 | 3:40 pm

    Perhaps the horse trailer pulling truck driver was afraid you’d scare the horses if you flew by?

    I agree with the “wise, kind and attractive” comment – well, I agree with all your comments but I particularly connected with that one.

  54. Comment by GenghisKhan | 09.1.2009 | 3:43 pm

    @Fatty–yeah, I though that three breasts was a bit excess (and grotesque, cometo think of it–shudder!) too, but after all, we are talking fat cyclists, right? The real question is why they weren’t wearing shirts–AF Canyon is supposed to be family friendly, for heaven’s sakes!

  55. Comment by Azriel Abramovi | 09.1.2009 | 3:59 pm

    And there is nothing better than sprinting past the evil un yielding goblins…

    Downhill is the best thing. Except for going uphill, which is not as fast and in my case very slow. But after you’ve suffered going up… going down is so much better! So downhill is the best.

    Going uphill is easy, all it takes is lungs and legs.
    Going downhill is hard… takes balls*

    *virual, not necessarily real ones as women can poses balls too. sometimes more than some men I know.

  56. Comment by MOCougFan | 09.1.2009 | 4:03 pm

    A great yeilder would hand you a diet coke out the window. Team car style.

    Ordered my FC stuff in the nick of time today. Or is it knick. Or maybe just nic? Not sure.

  57. Comment by Philly Jen | 09.1.2009 | 4:48 pm

    I assumed all Canadians would be yielders.

    I was wrong.

    Still, Tim Horton’s makes a cruller that can kick UnkinD Donuts’ hiney.

  58. Comment by ToddBS | 09.1.2009 | 5:09 pm

    “Yielders earn, on average, 42% higher wages than non-yielders.”

    If this is true, and I being a yielder, then I truly feel sorry for non yielders. I’m not sure how you guys even make subsistence wages.

  59. Comment by Joel P. | 09.1.2009 | 5:36 pm

    I forgot to mention earlier, after reading your post I printed a picture of your new Orbea. Then I went outside, planted it in fertile soil, watered it liberaly and am playing soothing music over it. We’ll see what grows in the Spring. Congrats on your awesome bike. Enjoy!!
    Joel P.

  60. Comment by Lloyd | 09.1.2009 | 5:58 pm

    I love riding the Alpine Loop, especially this time of year. Once the leaves change, I’ll only ride mid-week, too may leaf peepers.

    I don’t really ever descend “fast” there anymore (57 mph PB, and faster than I ever need to go again). But cruising down long stretches and making the sweeping turns on the switchbacks is awesome. Dug’s right, it is like flying dreams, without the dreams. Oh, and nice new ride. If you’re out riding, and are suddenly rendered unconscious, and wake up with a Cervelo next to you where the Orbea used to be, that was me. ;)

  61. Comment by ann | 09.1.2009 | 5:59 pm

    “And then my heart will soar.”

    So glad to hear those words.

  62. Comment by UtahChunk | 09.1.2009 | 6:22 pm

    Basically living a few hundred yards (Cedar Hills) from the mouth of AF Canyon could not be anymore amazing. The section after the cave is basically like ridding a rollercoster with twin turbos. I also recommend ridding down Millcreek canyon close to dusk on a week day(Monday.) Not a sole insight and you can fly down it at 40+ forever! Fatty…that bike is completely sick. Congrats!

  63. Comment by Katie | 09.1.2009 | 6:31 pm

    I got home to a package from Twin Six in my mailbox today. My t-shirt is here and it’s fantastic. I’m proud to wear it! Fight like Susan!

  64. Comment by Frank | 09.1.2009 | 7:12 pm

    No issues here with either yielders nor non-yielders since we don’t have any descents here at the Jersey shore. One of these days I’ll get to ride in the Alps to study the behavior of the native yielders.

    As for the Orbea, nice ride…it looks good in red as well :)

  65. Comment by Bob E | 09.1.2009 | 7:12 pm

    FC, Thanks for the welcome to this ‘big slice of heaven’. btw, today I was at El Pollo Loco in AF and arrived in second position for a Diet Coke refill. The guy in front of me turned and saw my t-shirt and said, “I yield in respect to the Fat Cyclist t-shirt” How could I refuse an offer like that to go to the front of the line?

  66. Comment by Hilslug | 09.1.2009 | 7:26 pm

    You are right, the next two months are the best riding weather here in Utah County. I love fall(the season,not the verb).

    Yielders usually know someone who has been hurt or killed by a non-yielder.

  67. Comment by ricky | 09.1.2009 | 8:35 pm

    you are the TRUTH!

  68. Comment by Tink | 09.1.2009 | 10:22 pm

    I woke up my husband, I was laughing so loud! Thanks for your insight!

  69. Comment by Sasha | 09.1.2009 | 11:18 pm

    Hahahah! I love it! However, I dispute your claim of no hard rides left! I am doing the MS150 in a week and a half (eeek!). And I hate fall. Then again, I live in Alaska so fall comes too early and winter stays too long and summer is sometimes a very fickle mistress. :) Glad you’re doing well and can’t wait to hear about the new bike. :) Take care, ride hard, and God Bless!

  70. Comment by Ryan | 09.1.2009 | 11:39 pm

    Your Orbea is beautiful!! Congrats!

    This post struck such a chord with me, as I too have been victimized by a non-yeilding trailer-towing inbred mouth-breather on a descent down the Alpine Loop towards American Fork Canyon. Anyone who has experienced this agony is, like I am, incredibly grateful that you brought light to this tragic occurence! Its has to STOP!!! :)

    ps, an additional THANK YOU to all who do allow bikes to pass on that descent. You are all from heaven and I love you.

  71. Comment by Laura H. | 09.2.2009 | 12:24 am

    *Yielders almost certainly have a more fulfilling sex life.

    I’m just sayin’…. :)

  72. Comment by buckythedonkey | 09.2.2009 | 2:35 am

    Beware! Yielders will be closely analysing your line once you’ve passed them.

    I believe that it is a popular pass time in America to accuse the French of being yielders of another kind. Ironically this holds true on the road.

    The French motorist is more likely to yield to cyclists (and, incidentally, motorcyclists) than any other I’ve ever come across. There might just be a huge thought bubble hovering over the country containing words to the effect of:

    “I’d rather be riding your bike right now”.

    The exception to this rule is Paris.

  73. Comment by Mtbnomore | 09.2.2009 | 5:33 am

    Mmm, chocolate and cheese.

    Btw, I’m super stoked about my Team Fatty jersey purchase. Can’t wait to explain to people why the 6′4 200lb guy is wearing pink.

  74. Comment by L'Hippo | 09.2.2009 | 7:31 am

    BTW, the Autumn is scheduled between October 24 and November 10th this year down in Texas. Hopefully the leaves can change color before they turn brown and fall off the tree (or cling helplessly to it until March like one large Post Oak in my yard). Temps dipping down to 90 or below this week has been a huge cause for celebration. Hey, it’s not as hot as Arizona but what do you expect if you choose to live in the desert? Nice post, I would like to try a long descent some time, but then I guess I’d have to find a long ascent, too. Oh well, I’ll ride up Cedar Hill 15 times.

  75. Comment by Mary from NC | 09.2.2009 | 8:05 am

    Hope you love your new Orbea as much as I love, love, love my Orbea Diva. Such a pleasure to ride

    I must take issue with two things in this post. Some of us are quite saddened by the cooler temps, not so much b/c fall is coming but b/c fall means that eventually winter comes. Commuting into work when it is dark and 19C is *not* fun. I try to rationalize this by knowing at least I got a “ride” in.
    Second, I guess I must be a lot more cautious going down hills than you as I have never had opportunity to pass a vehicle even if it was towing a horse trailer. I know of folks who have mangled their bodies pretty badly by flying down hills at the speed you indicate. Please be careful!

  76. Comment by Bob | 09.2.2009 | 8:25 am

    “Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a moron?”

    George Carlin

  77. Comment by Penny | 09.2.2009 | 8:29 am

    It never ceases to amaze me that Non-yielders have the capacity to piss me off whether I am in my car or on my bike. After recently following a motor home towing a car down Logan Canyon and having him ignore no less than 6 – count them 6-pullouts to allow the 22 cars behind him to pass I have to question that non-yielders actually use the rear view mirror for anything. I think they are incapable of seeing them at all. Kind of like a permanent blind spot in their visual field.

  78. Comment by Anonymous | 09.2.2009 | 9:10 am

    Chain is crossed.

  79. Comment by Deb Mc | 09.2.2009 | 9:44 am

    I am a lucky girl cause a) I live in Kansas where there are no descents cause it’s so durn flat so I don’t have to worry about yielding and b) I received by WIN t-shirt ~ I will wear it with pride and thoughts of Susan.

  80. Comment by Mike Roadie | 09.3.2009 | 5:26 am

    Florida=hot until December
    Florida=10 ft “decents”, not miles
    Florida=no trees changing colors


  81. Comment by Jen | 09.3.2009 | 5:42 pm

    Pretty sure yielders didn’t invent penicillin–but I think non-yielders might have something to do with the allergic reaction I suffer when I take it.


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