CANTABRIA (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – Reacting to a growing tide of feedback regarding its Team Kit, Team Footon-Servetto today has revealed its 2011 Team kit.
“We are of course extraordinarily pleased with the extraordinary — and frankly, unexpected — success of Team Footon-Servetto in the Tour de France,” said Team General Manager Mauro Gianetti in a post-stage press conference. “And want to assure the public that we are taking their concerns to heart with the 2011 Footon-Servetto kit.”
For contextual purposes, the 2010 Footon-Servetto kit is a distinct caucasian flesh color, with a black footprint on the front, as shown below:
(Riders David Vitoria and Noe Gianetti pose with Mauro Gianetti. Source: CyclingNews)
Unfortunately, the footprint is recognizable as such only when the a cyclist is standing and facing you. Which — considering that most spectators see most riders from the side and back, or possibly a front view of the cyclist is hunched over his bike — is essentially never.
To illustrate, the Footon-Servetto kit usually looks like this:
(Source for above 2 images: Footon-Servetto team site)
The effect of this design, according to pretty much everyone, is that in the 2010 kit, the Footon-Servetto riders look like they are essentially nude, with holstein cow markings or tattoos.
The spectator reaction is typified by Steve Blanstrom, an American spectator at this year’s Tour de France, who remarked during an early stage as a Footon-Servetto rider went by, “Martha [Steve's wife], avert your eyes! There’s some weird naked human / cow hybrid thingamajig approaching! It’s horrible! Martha! I said avert your eyes!“
Listening to Concerns
Said Sabino Angoitia, Team Director for Footon-Servetto, “Naturally, when we became aware of people’s discomfort with the current Team Kit design, we went back to the drawing board. And I — along with the rest of the team — am pleased to announce that we have arrived at the new, preliminary design for our 2011 kit (shown below).”
“We felt,” said Gianetti, “that the naked human flesh look, integrated with the seemingly random black spots on the jersey, was too confusing.”
“As you can see now,” injected Angoitia, “That problem has clearly been rectified to our satisfaction. Thanks to our new graphic treatment, there is now no longer any question about the skin color on the front. It is 72% fleshier than before, without the distraction of black splotches.”
“Meanwhile,” continued GM Gianetti, “The back of the jersey now quite clearly shows the distinctive spots of a cow.”
“Naked man from the front, holstein cow from the back,” enthused Angoitia. “Absolutely no way you can be confused by the imagery now.”
“Problem solved,” said Gianetti, and then concluded by saying, “By the way, we’re pronounced ‘foot on,’ not ‘futon.’ Although we welcome inquiries from futon manufacturers interested in cosponsoring a pro team.”
The team then went on to demonstrate the new design for the official team bib shorts, which were immediately awarded the distinction of being the first ever shorts to be rated NC-17.