Back in the early days of January of this year, I mentioned that I had taken delivery of a
Gary Fisher Trek Superfly 100 — an awesome full-suspension 29′er mountain bike I have wanted ever since I first rode one — but that I would not build or ride this bike until I had gotten my weight down from the 171.4 pounds I weighed at the time to a good race weight of 158 pounds.
Well, I am happy to announce that during the four months that have elapsed since this time, I have lost a staggering 1.2 pounds.
In order to give myself the credit I deserve, I’d like to spell that amount out, and put it in italics: One point two pounds.
Okay, so that equates out to…um, 0.15 ounces lost per day.
So perhaps an explanation is in order.
An Important New Formula
Really, this explanation is sadly simple: I work from home about 90% of the time. And, as I’m discovering, it’s really, really difficult to lose weight when you’re working from home.
Why? Easy: because the kitchen is about 40 feet away. Or really, it’s about seven feet away, if I were to get literal. But since it’s a lot easier to walk up stairs from the basement into the kitchen than it is to drill a hole in the ceiling and climb up a ladder through this newly drilled hole into the kitchen, let’s go with that original figure of 40 feet.
Which is still really, really close, by the way. Some might even say too close. In fact, I’ve come up with formula that describes the difficulty of losing weight working so close to the kitchen:
D = 1/P
D = Difficulty of losing weight, expressed as a percentage.
P = Number of feet one must travel to go from workplace to the kitchen.
So, some examples of what this formula means:
1. Since I work about 40 feet from the kitchen, my D measurement is approximately 2.5%. This may seem like a small number, until you consider that I used to work about 10 miles from my kitchen, which has a D measurement of approximately .0019%. Or, in other words, it’s now about 1315 times more difficult for me to lose weight now, since I work about 1315 times closer to my kitchen.
2. If you work 1 foot from the kitchen, you have a D measurement of 100%, which means the difficulty of losing weight is as hard as it could possibly be. Which sounds about right.
3. If you work in the kitchen, this formula gives you a “divide by 0″ error, which means it would be entirely impossible for you to lose weight. Which also sounds about right.
A Practical Example
To help you understand this formula, I’d like to excerpt several moments from my typical workday for you:
9:30am: It’s been an hour since I finished breakfast and have come downstairs to work. I find myself hungry. Bravely and wisely, I ignore the hunger.
9:35am: Perhaps I could eat a grapefruit. Those have negative calories, if I understand correctly.
9:36am: As long as I’m up here getting grapefruit, I’ll just have a handful of cereal, too. Those Toasted Oatmeal Squares are a crunchy little bit of heaven.
10:20am: What, not lunchtime yet? Maybe one of those little yogurts I keep in my mini-fridge down here. Those only have 70 calories, and they take the edge off the hunger.
10:21am: You know what would go well in this yogurt? A spoonful or two of granola. I’ll just run upstairs and get it.
10:22am: As long as I’m here, there’s no harm in having another handful of the Oatmeal Squares. I probably burned off that many calories going up the stairs anyway.
11:40am: It just occurred to me: I haven’t had any peanut butter at all today. Maybe I’ll run upstairs and have a spoonful. Or maybe I’ll spread it on the heel of a bread loaf. After all, nobody else in the family likes the heel; if I don’t eat them they’ll just go stale and to waste.
11:41am: What’s a slice of bread with peanut butter without honey on it?
11:41:30am: Hey, look — there are two heels that haven’t been used for this loaf. I could make a PBHH2 (Peanut Butter, Honey, Heel x 2) sandwich.
12:30pm: Wow, lunchtime finally. I am starved. I’ll just have the second half of the tuna salad I made for The Runner and me before she took off for work this morning. I’m on a diet, after all.
1:55pm: Time to go up and check on how that Chicken and Tortilla soup I’ve got going in the crockpot is doing — take out the chicken (so it doesn’t overcook), put in some corn tortillas. It smells pretty good!
1:57pm: I really shouldn’t have any more handfuls of cereal today. On the other hand, a handful of cashews would go really well with the Diet Coke I cracked open at lunchtime.
3:15pm: My mind’s fried. I need a break. I think I’ll walk upstairs and grab another handful of those cashews. Those were so good.
3:43pm: Wow, here I am in the pantry again, just staring. How’d I get up here? I don’t even remember walking up the stairs; I must have been totally on autopilot. I’m not hungry; I should just go back downstairs.
3:44pm: Oh well, I may as well get another handful of cashews as long as I’m up here.
4:15pm: Time to put the chicken back in the crockpot, as well as the cheese. The Runner will be home in an hour or so; we’ll want to eat dinner right away since we’re both so hungry from dieting.
4:16pm: Hey, while I’m up here I think I’ll have one handful of cereal. I don’t think I’ve had any cereal today, after all.
5:10pm: “Hi Lisa. How’s it going? Yeah, I’m starved too. This diet is killing me!”
PS: I want to put out a big kudos to NYC Carlos, one of the long-time friends of Fatty as well as an Account Manager at Interclick, which is the company that serves ads for my site. When I emailed him today letting him know I didn’t like having tobacco ads show up on my site, he took care of the problem within about five minutes. That’s awesome service; thanks Carlos!