Extremely Insightful Analysis of Very Controversial Cycling News

02.6.2012 | 2:59 pm

As anyone who follows the sport knows, it’s been an extremely tumultuous and surprising week in the world of cycling. There have been revelations. Outrage. Some people emerging victorious and vindicated, others finding themselves unexpectedly shamed.

I am talking, of course, about the Bicycling Magazine Reader’s Choice Awards, in the March 2012 issue of the magazine.


You see, I’ve been eagerly anticipating this issue of Bicycling ever since the poll came out, last November. Here, I made an impassioned plea for you to vote for me.

And now, almost three months later, we finally know the results (click here for a larger version):


So, on one hand: Huzzah! I won! And thank you very much for voting for me.

But then, on the other hand, there’s that headline:



Here’s how Wikipedia (The final and correct source on all human knowledge) describes ballot box stuffing:

Ballot stuffing is the illegal act of one person submitting multiple ballots during a vote in which only one ballot per person is permitted. The name originates from the earliest days of this practice in which people literally did stuff more than one ballot in a ballot box at the same time. In a government election, this is a form of electoral fraud.

It’s kinda like the headline is asking, “Hey, Fatty, how’s it going? We’re just curious — because frankly we can’t fathom how you possibly beat out Bike Snob, Bob Roll, and Phil Liggett in this vote, even after we reminded our readers that they ought to vote for someone else — have you committed fraud recently?”

Of course, there’s a question mark at the end of the headline, so that means the headline is just asking whether I committed a particularly nasty form of cheating, not insinuating I did. And the article doesn’t talk about how I must have cheated.

Which is nice.

So, Bicycling Magazine, thanks for the honor (but not quite so many thanks for inferring in huge red all-caps type that I cheated to win)!

But Wait! There’s More!

The end of the print article promises more exciting details online, where it would reveal more interesting stats.


In this, it does not disappoint.

You should really read the article, but here are a few interesting tidbits about my readers from it:

  • You like Levi Leipheimer: In spite of the fact that he’s always being mean to me.
  • You think the worst fashion sin a cyclist can commit is wearing white shorts: Which is really too bad, because I have big plans for next year’s Team Fatty gear, which will feature shorts that are not only white, but translucent white.
  • About a quarter of you are female. Which I’m going to go ahead and trumpet as the very most awesome statistic in this whole survey. Because until this point I was pretty sure there were a total of five females who checked this blog, with The Hammer and my mom being two of those people (and my mom checks only every couple of weeks or so).

However, there is one incredibly vital, crucial piece of information in this survey. One I simply could not be more proud of if I tried. And that’s the fact that enough of you — at my urging — included “Honey Stinger Waffles” as a write-in vote for what you like to eat on a ride that they got included both in the print magazine and in this little online extra.

Which, if everything goes as planned, should ensure that I will continue to be comped Honey Stinger Waffles for the rest of my life.

Not to mention helping me build a pretty darned good case for asking them to be a sponsor in this year’s 100 Miles of Nowhere.


  1. Comment by KM | 02.6.2012 | 3:06 pm

    Hmmm, I wrote in Honey Stinger Waffles….hearing that they might sponsor 100 Miles to Nowhere has me reconsidering my choices for events this year. I could be adding one more!

  2. Comment by KM | 02.6.2012 | 3:10 pm

    Also, we all realize that the only reason your book “Comedian Mastermind” didn’t win the book category was due to your generosity and desire to not dominate every category. Well, that and if I remember right it hadn’t come out yet. I will start now though, and beg you to NOT do white shorts….my inner Tim Gunn wouldn’t stand for it. Although arm warmers with sleeveless jersey is a close…and I mean, close second.

  3. Comment by Mike | 02.6.2012 | 3:16 pm

    I laughed a little laugh when I got my issue and read the results of the survey. I am not sure about the folks on the left coast, but out West us reasonable people would rather ride with you and be dazzled by that amazing wit that is Fatty. Rock on man…

  4. Comment by zeeeter | 02.6.2012 | 3:24 pm

    On the basis that both of my dogs are on FB, and have their own email addresses, I decided that it was entirely reasonable that they vote for you too. After all, it’s as much as I can do to stop them tearing open the larders to get at my vanilla honey stinger waffles, and in their books if you like them too, you automatically got their vote. Plus they appreciated your post about cycling and smelly stuff.

  5. Comment by m burdge | 02.6.2012 | 3:25 pm

    I think it meant your readers were ‘a quarter female’ in the way that a centaur is half man.

  6. Comment by roan | 02.6.2012 | 3:28 pm

    I found another stat. most interesting. Fatty’s fans picked “Race Across the Sky”.

    The SNOB guy’s fans picked “PeeWee’s Big Adventure”. JUST GOES TO SHOW the Snob’s fans can’t tell the difference from a real gem of an apple from a road apple.

  7. Comment by Gabi | 02.6.2012 | 3:29 pm

    I’m glad we could help you get free Honey Stinger Waffles and I like the picture they chose of you.

  8. Comment by Kukui | 02.6.2012 | 3:50 pm

    You mean we WEREN’T supposed to stuff the ballot box?? I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who used three different computers, and 4 mobile devices to vote for Fatty from different IP addresses… right..? =)

    For reals, though, I’m pretty sure you are by far more fun to ride with than BSNYC. And Honey Stinger Waffles are just about the most amazing snack in the universe.

  9. Comment by Liz | 02.6.2012 | 4:21 pm

    You are in luck, Fatty, I am not only a female reader, I am also a lawyer, and that fraud charge won’t hold up.

    (Although I did vote for BikeSnob’s book)

    (and still haven’t tried Honey Stinger Waffles)

  10. Comment by Dave T | 02.6.2012 | 4:23 pm

    I pretty sure they meant stuffy at the ballot box. We are team fatty right? Great job, I might of also vote Chicago style as well.

  11. Comment by Susan | 02.6.2012 | 4:44 pm

    Fatty, I’m a girl and I’ve been reading your blog forever, though I have never commented. I’m not a talented cyclist, just a devoted one. I don’t ride in big groups, i’m a total scaredy cat on downhills, and I am a great fan of the granny gear. In fact, my riding buddy and I, noting our friends’ riding group name is the Quick Chix, decided we were the Slow ‘Hos. But I can attest that you appeal to the likes of me as much as you do to the more talented (and/or more masculine) athletes out there.

  12. Comment by roadrash | 02.6.2012 | 4:59 pm

    Congrats to Fatty on the dubious distinction.

    And here’s another shout out for Honey Stinger Waffles. I used those to stuff the Christmas stockings for the in-laws this year. They were a monster hit.

  13. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 02.6.2012 | 5:21 pm

    I’m with m burdge regarding what the 76% male statistic really means:

    “I think it meant your readers were ‘a quarter female’ in the way that a centaur is half man.”

  14. Comment by MikeL | 02.6.2012 | 5:43 pm

    So how do Honey Stinger Waffles fit in with your egg white and avacado diet? Somehow I do not see you making weight next spring if the waffles are now part of the diet.

  15. Comment by Steve | 02.6.2012 | 6:23 pm

    Well judging by the one picture of you there Fatty, you were sure stuffing something.

  16. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 02.6.2012 | 7:01 pm

    *sniff* – that Utah Tour de Donut picture kinda choked me up there Fatty, I’m so proud of you. And to think you only needed 10 more last year to win “King Donut”!

  17. Comment by Ian | 02.6.2012 | 9:13 pm

    Can we still vote?

  18. Comment by Cali_Lady | 02.6.2012 | 9:27 pm

    Yaaaaay for the Female Friends of Fatty!!

  19. Comment by Clair | 02.6.2012 | 10:03 pm

    Can the Female Friends of Fatty get a t-shirt?

  20. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 12:12 am

    @Comment by m burdge and Comment by Nancy_in_MN

    I would suggest the both of you stay out of Utah for awhile. I think The Hammer, and Fatty’s Mom might take offense at being called “1/4 female”.

    Fatty- This is not Ballot stuffing, no matter what ‘Wikawhatwasthat’ says. In todays politics and elections it’s called Get Out The Vote! And you didn’t even have to send buses, vans, or phone banks to get us to the pols. The only exposure you might have- you didn’t use the group ACORN to help with your campaign, did you?

    Congrats!!! And you have another HSW convert here on the Left Coast!

    @Comment by Mike- Those of us here on the Left Coast consider ourselves quite reasonable. Ask Fatty.

  21. Comment by grayduncs | 02.7.2012 | 1:17 am

    “Snob’s Supporters

    —Are twice as likely to want to learn how to wheelie as people who voted for Fatty ”

    Is that just because we already know how to wheelie, so we do not need to learn?

  22. Comment by Skippy | 02.7.2012 | 1:24 am

    Not only did your team help you win here but i think the depth of your readership rubbed off on that L.A. Grand Jury guy ,U.S. Attorney Andre Birotte Jr., since he announced Friday , because of International Interest , that the Grand Jury was CLOSED !
    The work that LiveSTRONG is doing is important and the ” Fundraisers that you organise/coordinate ” are first class !

    Looking forward to seeing more of your Book in the near future !

  23. Comment by Rutheee | 02.7.2012 | 1:28 am

    Well Fatty you didn’t cheat but I did. I filled out the survey and I haven’t been on Abilene on over 30 years – my knee won’t stand for it. I just picked random answers and hoped you would win cause I think you’re funny and do an awesome time having fun raising money for the cure.

  24. Comment by Rutheee | 02.7.2012 | 1:29 am

    Stupid auto correct. A bike not abilene. Abilene and I are just friends

  25. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 1:47 am

    Honey Stinger Waffles at !00 MoN. How ’bout some in Davis, also?? Or is just about the PIE?

  26. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 02.7.2012 | 7:30 am

    Congrats, Fatty!

  27. Comment by Orbea Girl | 02.7.2012 | 8:11 am

    We’re running a competition over on http://www.Velovoices.com to win a G4 Dimension windbreaker designed by Geoffroy Lequatre, formerly of RadioShack. You only have to answer one simple question to enter the competition and possibly win a vest worth Euros 149 – not bad!


  28. Comment by Christina | 02.7.2012 | 8:30 am

    I have to admit that a Honey Stinger Waffle sounds more appealing at mile 80 than my meatergy bar did last year.

    Because I’m 100% female, I don’t want white bike shorts. It seems like a Janet Jackson type wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.

  29. Comment by FliesOnly | 02.7.2012 | 8:33 am

    Congratulations, Fatty. And I will confess the Honey Stinger products come with me on every ride now, thanks to you.

  30. Comment by Mary Timberlake | 02.7.2012 | 8:51 am

    I’m with Clair, a cute T along the lines of “Fatty’s Chicks,” which would be quite an ego-boosting line for you…The Hammer could obviously have a shirt that said “Fatty’s #1 Chick”

  31. Comment by Angie | 02.7.2012 | 10:03 am

    Fatty, I’m glad you won. Your blog posts are so entertaining!

  32. Comment by bikemike | 02.7.2012 | 10:09 am

    they have two new flavors coming out…lemon and chocolate.

  33. Comment by Rob W | 02.7.2012 | 10:39 am

    Good stuff fatty! I voted for ya man. In all seriousness though, I would love to hear your thoughts on the latest Armstrong/Contador news. Is it a mere coincidence that this news all broke in the last 5 days.

  34. Comment by GenghisKhan | 02.7.2012 | 11:24 am

    @bikemike, who has new flavors? Honeystinger or those meat bar dudes?

  35. Comment by Clydesteve | 02.7.2012 | 11:42 am

    Dear The Runner,

    I know you and I have similar feelings about white cycling shorts, because we had a discussion about that a couple of years ago while Fatty was being chased by autograph hounds in Mellow Johnney’s.

    And believing you to be a person of sound and incorruptable mind, I doubt that you have changed on this issue. You must step in. there is a lot of back & forth in a marriage, but there is a time to put your foot down and pull rank.

    This is one of those times. Do not let Fatty offer white shorts!



  36. Comment by Cali_Lady | 02.7.2012 | 12:43 pm

    Agreed! NO translucent white bike shorts!
    But DEFINITELY a T-shirt targeted to the Female Friends of Fatty! In PINK!!

  37. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 1:11 pm

    @Comment by Clydesteve

    C’mon, be a man! White Bicycling shorts. Picture yourself like Super Mario (the bicyclist, not the game)


    (credit: bicycling magazine’s ‘favorite blogger’ runner-up)

  38. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 1:11 pm

    Well! That was hardly the photo I was trying to place here.

  39. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 1:29 pm

    Wife#1 says this may get me the image I was trying for.


  40. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 1:31 pm

    I’m confident they’ll look just as good on us. Hah!

  41. Comment by bikemike | 02.7.2012 | 1:41 pm

    @GhenghisKahn, first, haha. second, yes, honeystinger. third, again, haha. lemon flavored meat.
    although, that would go well with chocolate covered bacon.

  42. Comment by Clydesteve | 02.7.2012 | 1:52 pm

    @david-marin, ca – The enduring image of white bike shorts I have is an old codger I saw at the quickie mart wearing some old, worn pilled ones. He was over weight, natch, and his old, pilled team bike shorts from a team he had probably been on 12 years ago had worn a bit thin. And they were stained and/or dirty at any proturbernces beneath the shorts.

    Oh, and he his body hair was not blonde.

    My favorite image of Super-Mario in white was the time he wore a white full length TT skinsuit (he was resplendent!) to the start of a TDF sprint stage, and was pulled over for improper uniform IAW the rules.

    In disgust and rebellion, he gets some scissors, while the stage start is held up, and snips off the sleeves and long legs on TV, with Phil comentating.

    The Dude abides

  43. Comment by Tammy | 02.7.2012 | 4:07 pm

    I’m a girl reader and also love honey stinger waffles!! Would never wear white bike shorts, but would definitely get behind the “Fatty’s Chicks” idea!!! Congratulations!!

  44. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.7.2012 | 4:07 pm

    @clydesteve. I’m sorry it was the only thing had to wear that day, and how was I to know you would be out riding too!

  45. Comment by emsumm | 02.7.2012 | 8:10 pm

    Yet another female reader in desperate need of some Fatty girlie gear! The people must be heard!

    (Oh, and congrats, Fatty! And thanks.)

  46. Comment by Jenn | 02.8.2012 | 5:52 am

    @Clydesteve…you are nuts, and funny, and FAR to graphic in your description of white shorts. Thanks for the nightmares I’ll be having tonight.

    Also? I’m famous now. I am #18 of the ‘meet the readers’ portion of the reader’s choice survey. Now I just need to get me a blog and some honey stinger waffles.

  47. Comment by Jenn | 02.8.2012 | 5:53 am

    PS @David-marin, You, too, are a bit nutty. I like.

  48. Comment by Jenn | 02.8.2012 | 6:05 am

    PPS Just found that Fatty is #67 in that same list of Bicycling readers. So I guess he’s still more famous than me, dang it!

    There’s a weird story for how I got there (I didn’t submit that photo). Sometime I might tell that story. – FC


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