As anyone who follows the sport knows, it’s been an extremely tumultuous and surprising week in the world of cycling. There have been revelations. Outrage. Some people emerging victorious and vindicated, others finding themselves unexpectedly shamed.
I am talking, of course, about the Bicycling Magazine Reader’s Choice Awards, in the March 2012 issue of the magazine.
And now, almost three months later, we finally know the results (click here for a larger version):
So, on one hand: Huzzah! I won! And thank you very much for voting for me.
But then, on the other hand, there’s that headline:
STUFFING THE BALLOT BOX?
Here’s how Wikipedia (The final and correct source on all human knowledge) describes ballot box stuffing:
Ballot stuffing is the illegal act of one person submitting multiple ballots during a vote in which only one ballot per person is permitted. The name originates from the earliest days of this practice in which people literally did stuff more than one ballot in a ballot box at the same time. In a government election, this is a form of electoral fraud.
It’s kinda like the headline is asking, “Hey, Fatty, how’s it going? We’re just curious — because frankly we can’t fathom how you possibly beat out Bike Snob, Bob Roll, and Phil Liggett in this vote, even after we reminded our readers that they ought to vote for someone else — have you committed fraud recently?”
Of course, there’s a question mark at the end of the headline, so that means the headline is just asking whether I committed a particularly nasty form of cheating, not insinuating I did. And the article doesn’t talk about how I must have cheated.
Which is nice.
So, Bicycling Magazine, thanks for the honor (but not quite so many thanks for inferring in huge red all-caps type that I cheated to win)!
But Wait! There’s More!
The end of the print article promises more exciting details online, where it would reveal more interesting stats.
In this, it does not disappoint.
You should really read the article, but here are a few interesting tidbits about my readers from it:
- You like Levi Leipheimer: In spite of the fact that he’s always being mean to me.
- You think the worst fashion sin a cyclist can commit is wearing white shorts: Which is really too bad, because I have big plans for next year’s Team Fatty gear, which will feature shorts that are not only white, but translucent white.
- About a quarter of you are female. Which I’m going to go ahead and trumpet as the very most awesome statistic in this whole survey. Because until this point I was pretty sure there were a total of five females who checked this blog, with The Hammer and my mom being two of those people (and my mom checks only every couple of weeks or so).
However, there is one incredibly vital, crucial piece of information in this survey. One I simply could not be more proud of if I tried. And that’s the fact that enough of you — at my urging — included “Honey Stinger Waffles” as a write-in vote for what you like to eat on a ride that they got included both in the print magazine and in this little online extra.
Which, if everything goes as planned, should ensure that I will continue to be comped Honey Stinger Waffles for the rest of my life.
Not to mention helping me build a pretty darned good case for asking them to be a sponsor in this year’s 100 Miles of Nowhere.