I Have My Reasons

02.15.2012 | 1:53 pm

I have a horrible, horrible secret, which I will reveal in just a moment. As soon as I can work up the courage.

I should warn you that what I am about to reveal is very, very shocking.

Are you ready? I don’t think I’m ready; I still need to collect myself. Find my center and stuff.

There. I’m ready.

The secret I have to reveal is the following: my weight is now 171.4 pounds.

Yes, I intentionally made that text light grey, so it wouldn’t jump out at you. And also because I am not super proud of the fact that I am up approximately 15 pounds from last year’s racing weight.

This is a problem, which I really want (and need) to fix, starting now. I have my reasons for the “starting now” part:

Crusher in the Tushar

On July 14, I’ll be racing the “Crusher in the Tushar,” a nearly new (this will be its second year) race that has a massive amount of climbing and descending. Some on pavement, some on dirt. I’ve talked with a couple people who have done it (Mark and Adam), and it sounds like I should absolutely positively not arrive there fat and out of shape.

Although I have to admit, my stories about epic rides are more entertaining when I ride fat and out of shape.

So maybe it would be OK if — for the sake of my “art” — I did this ride before working on losing the weight.

The Leadville 100

I just (as in “an hour ago” got my confirmation: The Hammer, The IT Guy, Kenny, Heather, and I are all in for The Leadville 100. This will be my 16th start (and hopefully, my fifteenth finish).

Last year, on my fifteenth try, I finally finished this race in under nine hours. I kind of would like to do that again.

But honestly, if I don’t finish it in under nine hours, nobody will be surprised. Especially me. So that’s not the real reason I need to lose all that weight.

The Breck Epic

Six days of mountain bike racing, starting the day after the Leadville 100? Why should I worry about being in shape for that?

Honestly, this is the race that I’m most afraid of. I have no experience with racing multiple days of anything, and seven days of racing is frankly a little bit incomprehensible to me. But I’m excited to try it.

The Park City P2P

OK, I’m not even registered for this, yet. Registration opens tonight, and it will fill up instantly. But if I can get in, I’m going to try it again. Even though this is the only race that has ever made me cry.

But you know what? This race isn’t the reason I need to get into shape, pronto, either.

One More Thing

The reason I absolutely positively must start losing weight and get into shape right now is…OK, actually I can’t reveal the reason. Seriously, I’m not allowed to.

But it’s a good reason, and I’ll be able to talk about it in a couple weeks.

Meanwhile, I’m going to start posting my weight again. And if I don’t make substantial progress, quickly, I’ll come up with an additional incentive (although considering the motivation I already have, I’m hoping that I won’t need to do a contest).

What is this motivation? Well, feel free to guess. Here are some (intentionally misleading but entirely true) hints to (fail to) help you out:

  • It is not a race
  • It is bike-related
  • My vanity is involved

Excuse me while I now go fix myself some eggs and avacadoes.


  1. Comment by SLL | 02.15.2012 | 2:01 pm

    Cover of Bicycling mag!

  2. Comment by GenghisKhan | 02.15.2012 | 2:02 pm

    Welcome back, Fatcyclist! ;o) And, of course, good luck getting back to Slimcyclist, or whatever your Bizarro world doppleganger alter ego persona happens to be.

  3. Comment by GenghisKhan | 02.15.2012 | 2:03 pm

    @SLL, actually, I think it’s the cover of Competitive Cyclist!

  4. Comment by Clancy | 02.15.2012 | 2:06 pm

    Honored guest at some little race in Europe in July? Naaa – besides that would conflict with “Crusher in the Tushar.” Maybe it’s a slightly smaller race in Callie..

    Anyway – I find myself in a similar condition – I’d like to shake off 15 pounds too.. Of course, that would put me at 180, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t been that light since the 11th grade, but I sure would like to see what it looks like on me… So – if you can devise a challenge that involves the rest of us, I’m in.

  5. Comment by aussie kev | 02.15.2012 | 2:13 pm

    a “life” art class where you will be siting on your bike !!!!

  6. Comment by YahooRob | 02.15.2012 | 2:15 pm

    I’d like to lose 15-20, but that would require me to set down this delicious burrito that I’m currently mashing into my mouth at a furious pace. However, a nice mountain bike contest might convince me! I’m still drooling over your Stumpy vs. SuperFly dilemma.

  7. Comment by Coletastrophie | 02.15.2012 | 2:16 pm

    Ill see you in leadville, Fatty!

  8. Comment by Chris Harris | 02.15.2012 | 2:16 pm

    Swimsuit photo shoot for Glamour magazine!

  9. Comment by off-roadie | 02.15.2012 | 2:18 pm

    Fatty! I got into Leadville too! Although this will be my first one ever. I’m kinda freaking out…

  10. Comment by Dave T | 02.15.2012 | 2:38 pm

    Paul has written you into an episode of Levrage were you go head to head with the Bike Snob of NY in delivering a very important package and as we all know the camera adds around 10lbs so you really need to get down to around 145.

  11. Comment by Gian | 02.15.2012 | 2:43 pm

    A little bird told me you’re being roasted soon.

  12. Comment by KM | 02.15.2012 | 2:43 pm

    Your first foray into televised commentating and you remember that the TV adds and extra 10 pounds right….RIGHT??!!

    If you figure out what’s working for you to lose weight let us (I really just mean me) know. I’ve officially tipped over into Clydesdale territory (202 and over 40) and despite cross training and diet I’m not losing fast enough. I’ll confess that I was as high as 208 and have lost six pounds in three weeks.

    I need to drop at least another 15 pounds (20 would be better) before my events although racing as a Clydesdale does sound tempting, perhaps I could dominate my division…that or just have a massive MI 1/2 way through my first race. Thankfully I have until May before I have to worry about any events so that buys me a couple more months.

    Good luck Fatty! I feel your pain albeit I’m 30lbs heavier than you. Regardless, I’ll harass you again if you do the contest for your bike…I feel the win coming this time!!

  13. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.15.2012 | 2:46 pm

    DAVE T Stole my thunder! Or as I prefer to think: Great minds (Davids) think alike.

    Paul Guyot has been rather silent about your Leverage episode. I believe a 9hr Leadville was one of the qualifiers. I’m hoping it will be a guest role with Stanley Tuchi as well so we can make the side by side comparison. Or. maybe you could be his ‘Minnie Me”.

    Would you like some California Avocados?

  14. Comment by Shep | 02.15.2012 | 2:56 pm

    I’d like to see if we can all get a friendly competition going. I’m at 238 right now, down 100 pounds from a few years ago, but I still need to lose about 50 pounds. Still though, I do 20 miles every morning before work, and 40-50 mile rides on the weekends (and all of this on a 15 year old chromoly Diamondback hybrid). I’ve set a goal for myself of 190, but I need to get down to at least 210 so I can buy myself a new road bike. For the time being, the heavy hybrid is helping me burn calories. So my friend Fats, let’s see what you can come up with to motivate your demented readers to join you on your weight loss journey.

  15. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.15.2012 | 2:57 pm

    Breck Epic: now that looks like a ride. The opening page describes it a a ride for the “… committed rider….” Is that before or after the race?

    I also see that there’s a ‘ringer in the ride’: Looks like Paul has been sandbagging us in his abilities: http://breckepic.com/race-course.html#guyot

    All I have let to say is Good Grief and Good Luck!

  16. Comment by Sean | 02.15.2012 | 3:07 pm

    Oh no, you’re the new spokesperson Subway. Jared is going to be pissed.

  17. Comment by Steve | 02.15.2012 | 3:20 pm

    I’m currently at 209 pounds down from 238. My goal is 180.

    I joined Weight Watchers online back in October, and it’s helped change what I eat and how much for the better. Something about their program clicked and I’m pretty confident that as long as I keep eating the right things in the right amount, I’ll eventually get to my goal.

  18. Comment by LidsB2 | 02.15.2012 | 3:24 pm

    It’s now! Because you’re all wrong. Dr. Lammler called. They’ve buried the hatchet and Fatty is to take his soon-to-be Luxury body to Switzerland for the Assos catalog shoot. Once Fatty gets his Cycling Body back, he’ll surely find the Total Comfort he’s been so desperately lacking. At least now the Assos model will have quads any self-respecting cyclist would admire. Will there be a “Fatty Assos” line for this year? One could only hope. Allez, Fatty. Allez.

  19. Comment by Jeff | 02.15.2012 | 3:33 pm

    Why do I have the feeling that this involves a professional cycling team’s training camp?

  20. Comment by Snoofy | 02.15.2012 | 3:36 pm

    Oh, geez. I was thinking maybe your wife was pregnant and you were worried about being an older dad and keeping up with a toddler if you were carrying extra weight. And then I read your list containing #2, that the issue is bike-related. Sigh.

  21. Comment by dicky | 02.15.2012 | 3:41 pm

    Ah…. I keep forgeting you will be at the Breck Epic. I’m gonna start losing wieght was well. I don’t want to lose the Skinny Fat Guy contest at the Gold Pan.

  22. Comment by Shep | 02.15.2012 | 3:56 pm

    @Steve There is a really nice web site that is FREE and very helpful in living a healthy lifestyle. It’s called myfitnesspal.com and you keep track of every single thing you eat, as well as your exercise for the day. I would strongly recommend it to anyone who wants a tool to help them stay on track, or get on track. Weight Watchers works very well from what I hear, but this is a free option, and I love free.

  23. Comment by Chris (@PavementsEdge) | 02.15.2012 | 4:01 pm

    You just stay out of my way at Leadville! I’m fatter, and will probably have more momentum. This will be my first (and probably last) start in Leadville. At least I still have a few months of good living ahead of me…

  24. Comment by zeeeter | 02.15.2012 | 4:10 pm

    I think it’s about time you righted the universal karma, you need to ride Leadville twice this year, as that will get you back to finishing 16 out of 16 AND for sure will set you back on the way to your desired weight target! The seven days racing immediately afterwards will really suck though!

  25. Comment by wade | 02.15.2012 | 4:13 pm

    Cyclepassion 2012 Calendar!

  26. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.15.2012 | 4:40 pm

    Love the idea of LidsB2! Imagine if Assos donated the profit from their Fatty Luxury Body Edition Kits to any charity. The windfall would be overwhelming.

    And as for Cyclepassion 2012 Calender? I’m not sure how fatty feels about ‘heels’.

  27. Comment by BIKING JIM | 02.15.2012 | 4:46 pm


  28. Comment by Bisso | 02.15.2012 | 4:47 pm

    i cant shake the image now in my mind….Fatty in a pose a la cipo. you know the one, all oiled up and astride a (hopefully) disposable saddle?

    take the heels anyday

  29. Comment by Fat Jeff | 02.15.2012 | 4:53 pm

    Eldon are you gonna be the cover boy & all around modeling stud for Twin Six?

  30. Comment by Michael G | 02.15.2012 | 4:55 pm

    I think it’s because he’s replacing Beckham for next year’s A&F commercial during the Olympics.. Cycling events, of course..


  31. Comment by Gabi | 02.15.2012 | 5:17 pm

    It doesn’t fit the hints but I think the Boston Marathon is a pretty good reason to be in shape.

  32. Comment by rmullen | 02.15.2012 | 5:33 pm

    I’ve never heard of the Crusher in the Tushar before now but their web site has a clip from Fandago (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089126/), probably the best Kevin Costner movie ever. Okay, maybe the only really great Kevin Costner movie ever (with the possible exception of American Flyers).

    Bravo Crusher.

  33. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 02.15.2012 | 5:42 pm

    @SLL, @GenghisKhan, @Shep, and @Fat Jeff:

    I’m convinced it’s a photo shoot, but would be surprised if it was TwinSix. Twin Six either shows a garment without a body or a garment clad body without a head.

    Assos? That would be excellent, but I doubt the Swiss manufacturer is that intuned to the everyman cycling culture of Fat Cyclist and his faithful readers. Too bad, cuz I’d pony up for their stuff if Fatty could make it look good, which I’m sure is entirely possible (how’s that for blatant sucking up?).

    Bicycling mag cover or article? Competitive Cyclist? The new Switchback magazine? All seem possible.

    And Fatty? Love the idea of some sort of group effort at weight loss. What crazy thing could the countless number of winter-weary Fat Cyclist followers do for a good cause while collectively losing hundreds of pounds? What is the better motivator: humiliation, altruism, money, or pride? Or a combination of the above?

  34. Comment by Ben | 02.15.2012 | 7:59 pm

    The UCI not content with approval sticker for bikes (and soon wheels) and the maximum weight for bikes has introduced a maximum weight for cyclists

  35. Comment by Todd | 02.15.2012 | 8:30 pm

    Nude cycling charity benefit calendar.

  36. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 02.15.2012 | 8:47 pm


  37. Comment by Chris | 02.15.2012 | 9:07 pm

    Leadville looks like a beast! Come do the ultimate challenge in Utah during the tour of Utah in August.

  38. Comment by GTM | 02.15.2012 | 9:08 pm

    Third Leadville lottery entry with the we regret to inform you result for me. Hope to get in and experience it at some point. Looking for an alternate milestone event that will provide the incentive I need to lose that last 50 I have been working on. Down over 100 due to cycling in the last four years.

  39. Comment by Tom | 02.15.2012 | 9:57 pm

    How about the Central Oregon 500. 5 days of century + road rides in Bend Or. 6/4-6/8 2012. I started this on my 50th a few years back.




  40. Comment by Chris from Downunder | 02.15.2012 | 11:25 pm

    The Swimmer is getting married and you are giving her away!

  41. Comment by Invisible Visible Man | 02.16.2012 | 4:04 am

    Hmm. I’ve already posted my weight on my new bike blog http://invisiblevisibleman.blogspot.com/ – I weigh 110 kilos (actually, a tiny bit above that) and am 1m 93cm tall. (That’s about 250 pounds and six foot four). Am I better or worse than you? I can never work out why cycling doesn’t make me lose more weight (but then I remember how much I eat). Good luck with the race.

  42. Comment by Jenn | 02.16.2012 | 5:35 am

    I adore you, Fatty. I love you for gaining fifteen pounds in the off-season. I know that’s wrong of me, but there it is, I love you for it. It is just SO. NICE. TO. KNOW. that I’m not the only one. I’ve got a leg up on you, though, I hit bottom (er…top) a few weeks ago, so have already been eating pretty much greens and protein for about three weeks, I think. Already starting to feel much more human, but still have a ways to go. Mallorca spring training trip in 6 weeks…don’t want to embarrass myself (much).

  43. Comment by Trond | 02.16.2012 | 6:48 am

    What i never understand is how to only gain 15 pounds over the winter.. 34 pounds for me so far.

  44. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 02.16.2012 | 6:56 am

    I know this is a WILD guess, but…a new baby is on the way?!?

  45. Comment by Shep | 02.16.2012 | 8:17 am

    I see a lot of you talking about the “off-season”. I would LOVE to be able to use that excuse, but alas, I live in Florida and the “off-season” this year came down to four days where it dipped briefly below 60 in the early morning. I am not, however, looking forward to the 8 straight months of filling my riding shorts with enough sweat to float a small village. I just got back into cycling a few months ago, and while I’m already doing half century rides every week, I am not sure how well I’ll do in the sweltering heat. Other than drinking a lot of fluids, any other tips out there for keeping the motor running in that kind of weather?

  46. Comment by Murf524 | 02.16.2012 | 8:34 am

    You’re switching to the dark side and begin commuting in a velocar. Pocket protector optional. Failing the Velocar you’ll switch to a Ti Easy Racer complete with fairing and sock. :)

  47. Comment by Lonster | 02.16.2012 | 9:30 am

    The only advice I can give for multiple stages of racing is to try and recover any way possible. I did the Mammoth Mountain Stage Race a couple of times back in my youth and I always remember hating the circuit race and the criterium. After a prologue TT and two road races my legs were shot. Throw in the altitude and the competition and I couldn’t wait for the race to end. It did help to get a hotel in Bishop rather than Mammoth Mountain due to the lower altitude.

  48. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 02.16.2012 | 9:52 am

    I found outi didn’t gt a lottery spot for Leadville. Looks like I will need to qualify at the Whiteface race.

  49. Comment by Jeff Bike | 02.16.2012 | 11:06 am

    I can’t guess why you need to lose any weight. I’m at 225# down from 235# looking for >200#. I’m 6′2″ and 53 years old. Time to get on the bike and ride!

  50. Comment by Turn The Damn Cranks | 02.16.2012 | 12:46 pm

    I’m in. Prefer a bit less than $50, but so be it. Also prefer cool stuff to cash. Love than Fatty jersey related aspect of the prior challenge, particularly that it allowed for many winners. I also support the percentage of body weight suggestion; body fat is a no-go in my view because most of us don’t own such scales and because the scales are notoriously inaccurate.

  51. Comment by Lee | 02.16.2012 | 6:00 pm

    So I am a fat cyclist (currently 218 at six feet tall) who is also 45 years old who was talked into signing up for the Leadville 100 Lottery as part of a group over the Christmas holidays. We figured we would not get in but if we did it would give us the motivation to train. Some of us immediately changed our diets (I dropped beer and soft drinks) just in case we got in and I am currently down 7 or so pounds since New Years. My basic training plans is to ride as many miles as possible until the week before the race as I figure I need to lose another 30 pounds or so to survive in under 12 hours. So our question for Fatty is do you know what was your racing weight for the Leadville 100 in 1997 and 1998?

  52. Comment by Dan in Sac | 02.17.2012 | 1:19 pm

    SI swimsuit cover: March edition.

  53. Comment by @philgrant80 | 02.19.2012 | 6:20 am

    Jeeze fatty I am exactly where you are right now weight wise. I am lacking the motivation to go out and lose it. It is even throwing my whole race season in question as I do not know if I will be strong to do it and I don’t want to drop a level. Let me know if you do go ahead with the contest.

  54. Comment by LoPhat | 02.19.2012 | 9:29 pm

    Strangely, my weight is almost exactly the same, but I’m reasonably light right now.

    Oh, and my guess is “swimsuit calendar model”


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