Free Verse Friday: Impending Panic

05.11.2012 | 12:34 pm

screen-capture.pngA “Hey, Come Eat and then Race With Me” Note from Fatty: Perhaps the funnest race I have ever done was the Rockwell Relay: Moab to St. George. Seriously, it was a blast. Just go read my race report and you’ll see why I loved it so much.

Well, Team Fatty (Kenny, Heather, The Hammer and I) will be racing it again this year (June 8 – 9), defending our Coed team title.

And you should come join us, for the following reasons:

  1. You will have an awesome time. I am not even remotely kidding when I say that this is a fantastic race.
  2. The scenery is incredible. You’ll be doing a combination of riding and driving on surface roads from Moab, UT to St. George, UT. It’s beautiful. Astonishingly so. Of course, part of the time it’s so dark you can’t see anything but the stars, but a starry night with no noise polution is a pretty amazing thing, too.
  3. You get a deal, just because you’re a Friend of Fatty. The Rockwell Relay is now in “late registration” mode; most teams signing up will have to pay an extra $50 fee. But if you email and tell them you’re a Friend of Fatty, they’ll give you a special registration link waiving that fee.
  4. I will serve you bratwurst, which I myself will have grilled. OK, I saved the best part for last, and put it in red, just to draw your eye to it. The Rockwell Relay guys recently called me and asked what I would do to make the race even more awesome. Nothing came to mind, so as a joke I said, “Serve my famous brats the night before the race.” To my amazement, they were all over this idea. So I told them that if they did this, I’d come over and take charge of grilling the brats and would serve them up.

So. Come on over. Eat. Race. Hang out with us. You will love it.

Another Note from Fatty: Today, I have a very special edition of Free Verse Friday. Which is not to say that any edition of Free Verse Friday is not special, but this one is very special indeed.

“Why is it so very special?” you might ask.

“It’s special,” I would answer, “Because it has actual information about stuff that’s coming up. Good stuff. Important stuff. Stuff you might actually want to be a part of.

So be sure to read it not only for its artistic merit (which is very great), but for the information contained therein.

Impending Panic: An Epic Free Verse Poem, In Informational Stanzas

Soon I shall travel

A much greater distance

Than I even knew there was


I will give away bikes

And bring back stories

I can hardly wait.

Twixt now and then, alas

I have so much to do

So much to prepare

I wince

Mayhaps I would moan and whimper

If I were not so manly

Guest Writers

While I am gone

In a far-off land

I cannot — will not! — expect to write

With any regularity

Or perhaps at all

So I ask you

Dear reader

To do my work for me

Two themes I give you

Write a story on one

Or the other

Or both if that’s your way

The themes are

“Why I started riding”


“How I got someone else to start riding”

Email your stories to

Thank you.


The Davis LiveStrong Challenge is coming!

I’m working on cool incentives and contests

I shall explain more anon

You’ll want to be a part of it.

Honest, you will.

Thank you.

100 Miles of Nowhere

If you signed up

Your stuff is being packaged even as you read this

Soon, it will be on its way


If you’re local

Plan to do the 100 Miles of Nowhere with me

It will be awesome

I hope

Thank you.

And again, thank you.


  1. Comment by aztoma | 05.11.2012 | 2:09 pm

    Ready to ride home from work
    In a light, warm rain
    great way to end the work week
    and start the weekend
    Thank you

  2. Comment by ScottR | 05.11.2012 | 3:06 pm

    Best wishes
    on your trip to Zambia.
    Have a wonderful time.

    Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp.

    I call it… the Life of a Spider.

  3. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 05.11.2012 | 3:29 pm

    Have a great trip.

  4. Comment by mykill | 05.11.2012 | 3:42 pm

    A week most foul finally ends.
    But tomorrow i ride!
    By the Beach
    Past the Bison
    and through the City
    Over the Bridge
    and along the Bay
    Ah, the relief when i ride away
    all the ennui of this week.

    I think bikes for stories is a wonderful trade, happy traveling.

  5. Comment by cece | 05.11.2012 | 3:43 pm

    Getting ready
    for my time trial

    My sister called
    and said
    in amazement….

    “Hugh! It sounds
    like you are
    trying to win!
    Are you?”

    “Yes,” I said
    “But why,” she asked?

    Because, I said,
    “I can try !”

    Thank you!

  6. Comment by TK | 05.11.2012 | 4:16 pm

    Next weekend I shall ride,
    100 organinzed miles.
    And thus I will be prepared,
    a few weekends later,
    to ride 100 more to nowhere.

    Thank you

  7. Comment by Jouni | 05.11.2012 | 4:31 pm


  8. Comment by Skye | 05.11.2012 | 4:57 pm

    Maybe if I eat more Bratwursts
    I will not blow away
    on my ride home tonight
    with 40mph gusts of wind.
    Mayhaps I will blow to Zambia
    and meet you there.

    Thank you.

  9. Comment by L'Hippo | 05.11.2012 | 5:11 pm

    Is free verse really just no punctuation and random ” carriage returns” ? ( you old typists know what I mean!)

  10. Comment by Mandy | 05.11.2012 | 5:34 pm

    I love this idea of free verse Fridays! Keep up the awesome blog

    I ride
    I’m free

  11. Comment by George | 05.11.2012 | 6:23 pm

    I will ride with
    I will yell

  12. Comment by Skye | 05.11.2012 | 8:07 pm

    I was once in your shoes
    thinking free verse was just
    lazy typing, with
    lack of punctuation;
    carriage return on a whim….
    But now I am
    and I no longer have a carriage return to abuse
    so I had to adopt
    the idea
    that free verse
    has meaning
    beyond the willy-nilly frequent carriage return
    (even though I think its kind of a scam).

    Thank you.

  13. Comment by Nurse Betsy | 05.11.2012 | 10:36 pm

    Bedtime Soon
    Bike, Maybe.

  14. Comment by Nurse Betsy | 05.11.2012 | 10:36 pm

    Oh, and

    Thank You.

  15. Comment by MattC (yes, that one) | 05.11.2012 | 11:25 pm

    The week has been grueling,
    but I hung in there day after day.
    My eyes constantly drawn to the mountains,
    where it was almost time to play.
    My mountain steed sits clean and lonely,
    while I slave my life away.
    And now that the weekend is upon us,
    Mother Nature wants to have her say.
    “Go on and ride to your hearts content,
    but my cold and rain will really make you pay”.
    We shall see, thinks me, the fair-weather-rider,
    because if the conditions are bad I’ll say no-way.
    And the weekend will be gone before I know it,
    not having seen even a hint of the suns rays.
    And that will be another weekend of no rides,
    which is not even a little-bit OK.

    Thank you.

  16. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 05.12.2012 | 2:00 am

    at l’hippo and skye

    at mattc-yes that one
    it’s hard to feel your pain
    i’ve seen the pictures
    of the trails you suffer
    climbing, climbing, climbing
    before the long
    and beer

    at Davis Livestrong
    there will be Brats
    Friday night
    Hall of Fame Gathering
    Angie, are you listening


    thank you

  17. Comment by roan | 05.12.2012 | 9:38 am

    There was a young man from Alpine
    Who always made plans for his fans
    Adventure it seemed he always did dream
    In the morn he woke, looked like a goat
    And exclaimed “ZAM bi am !”

    Ah, Thank You.

  18. Comment by Liz | 05.12.2012 | 4:45 pm

    Happy Mothers Day to the Hammer and all mothers.

    Long story short, was out past my bedtime last night and rode my bike 1.7 miles home at 1 a.m.

    As a result, I will be incapable of lucid thought for at least 48 hours.

    Therefore, Rockwell Relay would probably make me permanently senile.

    Thank you for the offer.

    Notwithstanding the above, you almost had me with the brats.

    Thank you.

  19. Comment by Turn The Damn Cranks | 05.12.2012 | 10:00 pm

    Missed this yesterday because of gravel.
    My first tri.
    Why swim before biking?
    Why run after biking?
    Biking is more fun than either.
    Do it again?
    But centuries always will more fun be.
    As Yoda say would,

    Thank you.

  20. Comment by Turn The Damn Cranks | 05.12.2012 | 10:01 pm

    Thank you.

  21. Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 05.13.2012 | 4:00 am

    Monday morning.
    Twenty-five miles.
    Annoying clicking sound emanating from general vicinity of bottom bracket.
    Twenty-five long miles.
    Like Chinese water torture, only of Taiwanese manufacture.
    Completed ride.
    Took off and reattached pedals.
    (Not unlike rebooting a computer or burning a witch–can’t hurt to try. Unless you’re the witch.)
    Swapped out SPD clips.
    Three days of rain.
    Blessed silence.
    Friday morning.
    Twenty miles.
    Annoying clicking sound emanating from general vicinity of bottom bracket.
    Reboot has failed.
    Unclipped on right.
    Pedaled left leg only.
    Annoying clicking sound emanating from general vicinity of bottom bracket.
    Reclipped on right.
    Unclipped on left.
    Pedaled right leg only.
    Blessed silence.
    Reclipped on left.
    Annoying clicking sound emanating from general vicinity of bottom bracket.
    Twenty long miles.
    Like Chinese water torture, only of Taiwanese manufacture.
    Completed ride.
    Why not remove and reattach left crank arm?
    (Not unlike rebooting a computer or burning a witch–can’t hurt to try. Unless you’re the witch.)
    Not even a five minute task.
    Bike on stand.
    Left crank arm off.
    While I’m there, might as well pull the entire crank and clean the general vicinity of the bottom bracket.
    Both wheels removed.
    Bottom bracket clean.
    Seems wrong not to clean rest of frame.
    Frame clean.
    Rims now dirty by comparison.
    Seems wrong not to clean rims to match.
    Rims now clean.
    Upon closer inspection, too much dirt in cassette.
    Cassette’s now clean.
    Chain rings now dirty by comparison.
    Seems wrong not to clean chain rings to match.
    Chain rings now clean.
    Wheels back on.
    Can’t very well run that dirty chain over such clean teeth.
    Chain now clean.
    Sixty minutes later.
    Typical for a five minute task.
    Saturday morning.
    Thirty-eight miles.
    Blessed silence.

  22. Comment by Tommysmo | 05.14.2012 | 6:38 am

    Twas Mother’s Day Weekend
    And all through the house
    The children were stirring
    From my bed I did rouse

    No breakfast in bed
    for my darling wife
    Instead she slept in
    The noise wasn’t rife

    The children were thrilled
    To give mommy their gifts
    Lovingly made
    With their very own mitts

    Then Gramma came over
    An uncle and aunt
    A cousin came too
    The other one can’t

    I grilled up some chicken
    Marinated in flavor
    I cooked it up perfectly
    With moisture to savor

    The weather was perfect
    For having some fun
    I stayed with the kids
    My wife went for a run

    By the end of the day
    I was clean out of gas
    I was a sleep in seconds
    For out I did pass

    The weather’s turned wet
    On thursday I race
    For 3.5 miles
    I’ll give my best pace

    It’s a race that’s on foot
    I’ve prepared for weeks
    While from the corner
    My bike to me speaks

    Why do you bother
    To run in a race?
    When perched on my saddle
    Is your favorite place?

    I answer with love
    The race is on Thursday
    Following which
    I really can say

    I’ll be throwing my runners
    In the corner to rest
    For riding my bike
    Is what I love best.

    A new mileage record
    Is on tap for this season
    And loving my steed
    Is the very best reason!

  23. Comment by roan | 05.14.2012 | 8:23 am

    To: Jeff Dieffenbach(ia), any creak from my bike is most annoying, like small doses of poison, your free verse I was enjoying, now I’ve looked at my bike, a cleaning I’m doing.
    Thank You
    To: Tommysmo, enjoyed.
    Thank You, too
    To: Fatty, I like free verse Friday, but as to your brats at Rockwell Relay I fear you have bit more than you can chew. May I suggest you take The IT Guy & The Twins. You prep the brats and let them grill & serve the horde while you relax and enjoy. You have a race to defend. I cruised through the 3000++ pic on the Rockwell site. Easy to find the FatCyclist jerseys.
    AND Kenny’s single speed.

  24. Comment by Dan O | 05.14.2012 | 9:02 am


    I recently recieved the bikes for Zambia sticker. It’s awesome thanks for supporting such a great cause.

    Life is good

  25. Comment by Pedro | 05.14.2012 | 9:17 am

    missed this on Friday, but love it! here’s my .02ยข

    fixed gear, no coasting
    one hundred miles of nowhere
    have I lost my mind?

  26. Comment by off-roadie | 05.14.2012 | 10:42 am

    A silly question have I
    Recently, I received a sticker in the post
    A gift
    Thanking me for my donation of a bike
    To a child in Zambia
    With the sticker, was a letter
    At the bottom of the letter were three signatures
    One appears to be in sharpy
    One appears to be smudged
    This leads me to wonder
    Are those real signatures
    I know its silly
    But it would be kinda cool
    To have a real Johan Bruyneel
    I mean Fatty

    Thank you

  27. Comment by Liz | 05.14.2012 | 12:18 pm

    @off-roadie –

    We got two letters at our house (one for me and one for my son; we both contributed). There was just a slight difference in Fatty’s signature between the two letters so I think they are genuine. No eBaying!


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