LEAKED! Outtakes from the Oprah / Armstrong Interview

01.22.2013 | 1:37 pm

AUSTIN, TX (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – Following the bombshell admissions made by Lance Armstrong last week, the cycling world and the seventeen other people who follow that kind of thing have expressed various permutations of sadness, anger, vindication, indignation, and smug I-Told-You-So-ness.

Many have wondered, endlessly, whether Armstrong said enough, as well as whether he was entirely truthful, or simply told what he could without exposing himself to an even larger legal and personal train wreck than what he’s already in for.

What nobody seems to have wondered, however, is what got left on the editing room floor from that interview. Were there more revelations? Clarifications? Additional apologies?

Nobody has wondered this, that is, until now. Because neither Lance nor Oprah counted on an intrepid reporter who was using state-of-the-art secret eavesdropping techniques to listen in on and report the untold story. 

Hiding behind lance
Super-secret eavesdropping techniques

The following transcripts reveal that what was not broadcast during the riveting 90-minute interview on Thursday — along with the not-really-all-that-riveting 60-minute interview on Friday — contains shocking revelations that are guaranteed to keep Twitter buzzing until the next shocking revelation is revealed (about 45 minutes at the current rate).

More Yes and No Questions

Without a doubt, the most extraordinary part of the Oprah / Armstrong interview was during the first three minutes, during which Oprah (or as she prefers to be called, “Oprah”) asked Armstrong (who would currently prefer to not be called at all) numerous yes-or-no questions.

Curiously, however, not all of Oprah’s yes-or-no questions made it into the broadcast. The full, unedited transcript of this yes-and-no session follows:

Oprah: Did you ever take banned substances to enhance your cycling performance?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Was one of those banned substances EPO?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Did you ever blood dope or use blood transfusions to enhance your cycling performance?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Have you ever taken amphetamines during a race?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Would it be simpler for me to ask you specifically what things you haven’t taken during your racing career?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Did you fake the moon landing?

Armstrong: I think you mean a different . . . 

Oprah: Yes or no, please. Did you fake the moon landing?

Armstrong: No.

Oprah: Hmmph. You say your last name is “Armstrong,” yet you made a living using your legs. Is that not disingenuous?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Did you kill JFK?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Armstrong: Yes. I have one at my house in Aspen. I kept Betsy Andreu in there for a couple years. 

Oprah: Did you kill Nicole Brown Simpson?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Are you hungry?

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Have you ever been to Fuddrucker’s? 

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: They make really good hamburgers. Why do you suppose they went through bankruptcy in 2010, while other chains thrived?

Armstrong: It wasn’t a problem with their food. I think it was a combination of a bad economic climate and . . . 

Oprah: Yes or no responses only, please!

Armstrong: But that wasn’t a yes or no . . .

Oprah: Yes or no responses only, please!

Armstrong: Yes?

Oprah: I thought so. Will you jump up and down on the couch for me? 

Armstrong: Yes. But first I need to take a testosterone pill, inject some EPO, and have a blood transfusion, which will allow me to jump higher, faster, and for a greater period of time than anyone else ever has or will again.

Word Association

Following the frank admissions made by Armstrong, Oprah (who prefers to be called “Ms. Oprah”) spent a few minutes trying to understand the mind of Lance Armstrong by using a word game used by psychologists in movies.

Oprah: Let’s try some word association. I’ll say a word or phrase, you tell me what it makes you think of.

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: We’re done with the yes or no part.

Armstrong: Yes.

Oprah: Cut it out.

Armstrong: No.

Oprah: (Slaps Armstrong.) Don’t make me do that again. OK, let’s get started. France.

Armstrong: Cheating.

Oprah: Floyd.

Armstrong: The barber. And also, cheating.

Oprah: Honesty.

Armstrong: Catastrophe.

Oprah: Weight.

Armstrong: Perfect.

Oprah: Money.

Armstrong: Vanishing.

Oprah: Fame.

Armstrong: Vital.

Oprah: Ratings.

Armstrong: What?

Oprah: Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I’ve been doing this backwards.

Armstrong: Weird.


Perhaps the thing that angered Armstrong critics the most about Armstrong’s interview — apart from the fact that it was ever necessary to begin with — was that Armstrong made only a few public apologies, many of which seemed half-hearted at best.

In fact, however, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Here’s how the original apology discussion went:

Oprah: Are there any people you’d like to apologize to?

Armstrong: Well, everyone, basically. Let’s start with the Andreus. They took a principled stand, and I accused them of lying and broke off our friendship and made their lives incredibly difficult in return. I’m really sorry to them.

Next, I want to apologize to Greg Lemond, who . . . 

Oprah: Cut! I’m sorry, Lance, but my mind started wandering. This train of apologies makes boring television. Let’s just move on to the next topic, and we’ll edit this part out.

Thus, for the first time in more than thirty years, something bad happened that was not Armstrong’s fault.



  1. Comment by Christina | 01.22.2013 | 1:44 pm

    I spit when I saw the picture.

    This was fantastic! Good callback on what Oprah likes to be called.

  2. Comment by Melman | 01.22.2013 | 1:54 pm

    Has Oprah ever been on a bike? Great interview. And great work on your weight. Got a question, How tall are you? I am trying to sum up your weight loss and your height. I’m trying to get ready for Spring and your at my desired weight.

    5′7″ – FC

  3. Comment by Saso | 01.22.2013 | 2:02 pm

    I see you managed to hide behind the curtain without your belly bulging out. Good work on weight loss.

    I’ve got to be honest here: I photoshopped my belly out. – FC

  4. Comment by Alan | 01.22.2013 | 2:08 pm

    I should have known that you would have come up with the straight scoop.

    Thank you for your service to the cycling community, from me and the other 16 people who follow these things.

    By the way, did you learn any interesting things about Oprah?

    That was you behind the curtain wasn’t it?


  5. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 01.22.2013 | 2:11 pm

    5′-7″?? I think we’ll bring our own tape measure to Davis. Who knows how this Armstrong affair has affected you.

    FYI Team Fatty Davis is now comfortably in Third Place in Fundraising thanks to the intrepid MarsupialMattC, who almost doubled our total when he signed on!

  6. Comment by FliesOnly | 01.22.2013 | 2:14 pm

    Good stuff.

  7. Comment by leroy | 01.22.2013 | 2:15 pm

    “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.”

  8. Comment by Brian in VA | 01.22.2013 | 2:16 pm

    Simply brilliant. The dialog in the last brown box had me laughing till I stopped.

  9. Comment by LiveSTRONG4Life | 01.22.2013 | 2:18 pm

    Oprah and Lance were riding together during an interview a number of years ago. They were filmed riding up the driveway of her estate in Montecito, CA. LA chose to “pedal with one leg” so that Oprah could keep up. He won the sprint. I remember going to Solvang, CA that day to catch the Team during training, and learned that LA had left camp to “go to Oprah’s house” for the interview.

  10. Comment by bikemike | 01.22.2013 | 2:19 pm

    I hope that Oprah does a “year after” interview next year.

  11. Comment by hannah | 01.22.2013 | 2:20 pm

    Best. Picture. Ever. Photoshop ought to pay you to, uh… well, for something.

  12. Comment by George | 01.22.2013 | 2:21 pm

    The image of that picture is burned into the back of my eyeballs. I had a hard time reading this with the tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks.

  13. Comment by Liz M. | 01.22.2013 | 2:27 pm

    Ah, so it was Oprah who was “controlling the narrative” all along! Lance never had a chance. Well done, Fatty, getting the scoop for us.

  14. Comment by aussie kev | 01.22.2013 | 2:28 pm

    did this actualy get said in the interview !! – i must have missed that part !!!!

    Oprah: Have you ever taken amphetamines during a race?

    Armstrong: Yes.

  15. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.22.2013 | 2:31 pm

    I really loved the Lance Armstrong / Neil Armstrong association you brought out by following the moon landing question with the one about the irony of Lance not having the last name” Legstrong.

    but I fear you need to be as weird as me to write that. Sorry.

  16. Comment by Tom Stephens | 01.22.2013 | 2:37 pm


  17. Comment by Aaron | 01.22.2013 | 3:13 pm

    I’ve shown the “I’ve been doing this backwards” bit to 3 friends, and they aren’t getting it. I think it’s one of the funniest things you’ve written. That it takes 2 reads to fully appreciate it makes it that much better. Unfortunately, I think it’s going over many people’s heads.

    Thanks for getting it. I actually stumbled onto that interaction — I wrote it straight the first time, then realized most of the way through it that one of her words could be interpreted as a response to one of his. I liked it and went back to write the whole thing that way. And I don’t mind not everyone getting it. I figured a few people would, and that’s enough reason to do it. – FC

  18. Comment by Carl | 01.22.2013 | 3:20 pm

    Thank you… we needed to get a laugh out of all this crap that’s been going on.

  19. Comment by Jenni | 01.22.2013 | 3:30 pm

    uh mah gawd that is FUNNY. I imagine there will be a part two (pleasesayyespleasesayyes).

    Seriously, I can’t stop laughing

    Did you fake the moon landing…omg

  20. Pingback by LEAKED! Outtakes from the Oprah / Armstrong Interview | Bicycle News Gator | 01.22.2013 | 3:33 pm

    [...] reading here: LEAKED! Outtakes from the Oprah / Armstrong Interview This entry was posted in FatCyclist.com and tagged apologies, armstrong, blood, called, cycling, [...]

  21. Comment by centurion | 01.22.2013 | 3:43 pm

    I have really had enough of hearing about this clown.
    But that moon landing thing was damn funny.

    See, I’m just starting to get past the disappointment, which lets me start seeing the comedic possibilities. So don’t be too surprised if there’s more. – FC

  22. Comment by Obstinate Roadie | 01.22.2013 | 3:59 pm

    Did you find out what was in the box on the table while you were hiding behind the curtain?

    Oprah keeps her pet vole in it. She feeds it pure olive oil from an eyedropper. She is an eccentric woman. – FC

  23. Comment by T.J. Olaussen | 01.22.2013 | 4:15 pm

    Ah. Now it makes more sense.
    Good job getting back on track with the weight loss. I guess this means you’re finally out of the conference room?

    Yes! For another few months anyway. – FC

  24. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.22.2013 | 4:37 pm

    Oprah keeps her pet vole in it. She feeds it pure olive oil from an eyedropper. She is an eccentric woman. – FC

    Normally the red tree vole spends it entire life under the canopy of a mature Douglas Fir tree. I’ll bet the vole is out of sorts. Even Double-Extra Virgin olive oil would not make up for all the stuff he is missing.

  25. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.22.2013 | 4:39 pm


  26. Comment by Jeff Bike | 01.22.2013 | 5:03 pm

    There are approximately 155 species of voles. They are sometimes known as meadow mice or field mice in North America. Are you sure it is a red tree vole?

    It could just be me, I’m not sure but if you watch Armstrong closely I think he may have been doping during the interview.

  27. Comment by Wife#1 | 01.22.2013 | 5:43 pm

    *wiping monitor*

    One of your better efforts, and that’s saying something!

  28. Comment by Ian | 01.22.2013 | 6:05 pm

    FC, you’re closer to the truth than you realise. I am in possession (via undisclosed means) of actual interview footage in which Armstrong blatantly lies to Oprah. the first take descended into chaos before security had to separate them.

    After everyone calmed down, they went on to shoot the interview that went to air.


  29. Comment by Carl | 01.22.2013 | 6:16 pm

    Fatty, the only thing that could have improved on that hilarious photo is if you had your GoPro on your head!

  30. Comment by Kristina | 01.22.2013 | 6:23 pm

    “doing this backwards”
    That was hilarious.

  31. Comment by Marsupial MattC | 01.22.2013 | 6:58 pm

    Oh my gosh Fatty…glad I wasn’t able to see this at work (I’m on travel and BIGGER Brother has the internet blocked completely up here), or I’d have been hauled away by security still snorting coffee…LOVE the pic! The entire post was pure magic! I’ve never said this before because it’s SO hard to quantify, but seriously, one of your best (and that’s saying something!)

  32. Comment by C Grade Cyclist | 01.22.2013 | 7:08 pm

    I know its been said already – but that “backwards word association” was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read… Gold!!

  33. Comment by Stevie B | 01.22.2013 | 8:08 pm

    Since you were there, did Lance at any point in the interview say, “Ms. Oprah, I’d like to buy a vole.”?

  34. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 01.22.2013 | 8:41 pm

    Very nice.

  35. Comment by Lauren Lindley | 01.22.2013 | 8:55 pm

    This is great. I *fully disclosure* didn’t want the interview because I don’t care. I don’t care that he doped. I know everyone was. This is so much more interesting and fascinating than the rest of it! Thanks!

  36. Comment by Pat in Westminster Co | 01.22.2013 | 9:08 pm

    Kilroy was here, I am surprised no has seen that.

  37. Comment by Pat in Westminster Co | 01.22.2013 | 9:09 pm

    I mean,No one. Really, I did go to school until the 8th grade.

  38. Comment by BamaJim | 01.22.2013 | 9:32 pm

    Thanks for bringing some laughs to this whole train wreck. “ratings”, that’s the best!

  39. Comment by roan | 01.22.2013 | 9:49 pm

    Fatty, simple yes or no answers only.
    Q. Will you ever appear on a “Oprah” interview ?
    Mr. Fatty: Huh ? When ?
    A simple yes or no, please.
    Mr. Fatty: Yes.
    Q. Do you think the topic of weight will be broached ?
    Mr. Fatty: Duh !
    Yes or No please.
    Mr. Fatty: Yes, (whispered…she weighs more than me).
    Q.Does Rebecca have a better head lock than Levi ?
    Mr. Fatty: Here we go again, Can I never escape these things?
    Yes or No please. And the answer to your escape is no.
    Mr. Fatty: YES ! YES ! YES ! And she hands me mine every year at Leadville.

  40. Comment by Nic Grillo | 01.22.2013 | 9:57 pm

    I haven’t had Fuddruckers in so long!

  41. Comment by Santi M. | 01.23.2013 | 8:12 am

    Gold. Pure gold.

  42. Comment by Lonster | 01.23.2013 | 9:38 am

    This will not help Fatty’s diet. It is National Pie Day!

  43. Pingback by Lance Armstrong... greatest doper there was or ever will be - Page 84 - London Fixed-gear and Single-speed | 01.23.2013 | 9:40 am

    [...] I thought this was funny – Leaked-outtakes-from-the-oprah-armstrong-interview [...]

  44. Comment by Colorado mama | 01.23.2013 | 10:33 am

    Your brilliance is showing. Your best so far as I remember. How about a book of all your old fake news pieces about mr StrongArm?

  45. Comment by Barefoot Rose | 01.23.2013 | 10:59 am

    Photo, moon landing, reverse word association. All the best.

  46. Comment by Kukui | 01.23.2013 | 11:03 am

    Pure genius! The word association bit was brilliant!

    “I guess I’ve been doing this backwards.”

    Had me laughing forever! I showed it to my coworker who didn’t get it, but this made my day! =)

  47. Comment by mham | 01.23.2013 | 11:43 am

    This was hilarious!! I’m laughing so hard over here.

  48. Comment by George | 01.23.2013 | 11:54 am

    I rarely comment on your blog…..but for the love of God-*please* just stop talking about Lance Armstrong for awhile.

    You are more of a hero to me then Lance will ever be- sure the guy came out about lying for the last 15 years….after losing just about everything he cared about-so in my mind, he really didn’t prove anything to me by finally telling the truth.

    Honestly, there is no humor to be derived from this whole situation, it’s just sad no matter how you look at it.

    Go back to doing what you do best-talking about yourself :-)

  49. Comment by Michael | 01.23.2013 | 8:20 pm

    I thought it was funny, and I wouldn’t mind it if you kept the Lance humor coming. Just sayin’.

  50. Comment by T.J. Olaussen | 01.24.2013 | 12:34 am

    Left you a comment on the previous post

  51. Comment by Brian | 01.24.2013 | 8:39 am

    ha! This had me in stitches. Good work. You going to NAHBS?

  52. Comment by Trailer Park Cyclist | 01.24.2013 | 10:32 am

    Fatty, that photo was plain funny and the post was masterfully done. Comedian Mastermind indeed.

    There is an old saying about if they can’t take a joke and I am glad to see you having fun with what for too long was an unfun situation. Thanks for that.



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