Ruminations on My Upcoming Absence

05.17.2013 | 11:30 am

A Note from Fatty: The Hammer is racing the Ogden Marathon tomorrow. If you’d like to track her progress, you can do so by going to the Race My Race site, choosing Live Tracking, Add Racer, and entering bib# 11001. The race starts tomorrow (Saturday) at 7:00am MT.

I am just a man
Not unlike yourself
Save that I am more popular
And award-winning
And beloved 

And also
If you are a woman
I am unlike you
In that way 
As well

But I digress!
For my point is
I — like you –
Have things
I must do
Like a day job
For example

And betimes
That job calls me
To far-off places
Such as Connecticut
For example

I won’t have time
To ride Or write
Or anything else

Such is my state
That I am reduced
To bringing
Running shoes
(Running shoes!)
In the hope
That I shall have time
To exercise

And so I leave you
With this poem
To contemplate
And comment upon
While I am away
For a week 

(And it must be said:
You are restricted
To three comments
Per day
At most
It is time for you
To admit
You have a problem) 

Do not forget me
I beg you.
Just pity me
For I leave this
– My new bike –
Having had Scarcely three rides
– Three glorious rides –

How shall I sleep?

Thank you.

IMG 8752

PS (for those who, like me, care deeply about this kind of thing): Specialized S-Works Tarmac SL4 frameset (Including S-Works seat post): 52cm; Shimano Dura Ace 9000 mechanical components (cranks, brakes, derailleurs, 11-25 cassette, shifters); ENVE Composites SES 6.7 Clincher wheels, 100mm stem, 42cm Compact Road Bar, Selle Italia SLR saddle, Speedplay X-series pedals

PPS: Full disclosure: linked items above sold at discount or comped.


  1. Comment by Turn The Damn Cranks | 05.17.2013 | 11:36 am

    Orbea gone, means this?
    Or simply executing rule of n+1?

    Thank you.

    I still have the Orbea, putting me in the unique position of having an Orbea Orca with Dura Ace Di2 as my “B” bike. – FC

  2. Comment by SG | 05.17.2013 | 12:02 pm

    Where in CT? Lots of good riding here, and I’m sure we could scare up a bike for you…

    It’s a matter of availability, not equipment. It’s gonna be that kind of week. – FC

  3. Comment by Jorden Backman | 05.17.2013 | 12:19 pm

    That bike is so HOTT!!! I love that silver and those wheels…oh those wheels scream to punished by speed. I am wiping the drool off my iPad right now!!!

  4. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.17.2013 | 12:27 pm

    I’m not saying anything!

    Oh, come on. You know I’m just teasing. As a peace offering, I just put info on how to track The Hammer’s run in the Ogden marathon tomorrow up at the top of this post. – FC

  5. Comment by GenghisKhan | 05.17.2013 | 12:30 pm

    Weird, I find
    that that there
    is exactly the same
    as the one I
    do not have.

  6. Comment by leroy | 05.17.2013 | 12:35 pm

    Bring your bike to CT. I’ll come ride it for you.

    Oddly, we seem to be the same size.

    (I am, however, a couple of pounds lighter and a few years older. That first part may be subject to change.)

    P.S. — nice interview yesterday. Work interrupted my viewing all of it live, but this morning I caught the replay of the part I missed.

    Thank your dog for sending me all those great questions. That helped a lot. For reals. – FC

  7. Comment by Wife#1 | 05.17.2013 | 1:03 pm

    Oh Fatty, now poor David has fake hurt feelings! And I will not be around to console him as I will be in Chicago all next week for my own business trip.

    He’ll be pretty busy running the household solo, between the kids, pets and still getting lots of biking done, so I am pretty sure the 3 comments a day restriction will not be an issue. :-)

    I figure that thanks to his incredible new mountain bike, he should never ever ever be angry at either of us. – FC

  8. Comment by JRGdeCT | 05.17.2013 | 1:24 pm

    Coming to CT? Lots of good places to ride here. Bring or rent a bike, forget the runing shoes, and get out and about. Great weather this morning for Ride Your Bike to Work Day.

    I would LOVE to ride, but my time is spoken for pretty much all day, every day. The thing about running is I can get a workout in with the 45min I have in the morning. – FC

  9. Comment by Nick | 05.17.2013 | 1:32 pm

    Mechanical drive train? Didn’t you just profess your love for all things Di2 just a few days ago?

    I do love Di2, but Shimano said, “You gotta try out the new Dura Ace mechanical,” and Padraig at Red Kite Prayer said it’s incredible — a massive 180 from his previous Dura Ace position. And they were right. – FC

  10. Comment by AUChefDave | 05.17.2013 | 1:36 pm

    Fatty, see this is why my bike “Tina” is not a new bike. Young bikes have no sense of time, they live in the here and now, if not ridden and pampered daily they become sullen and very temperamental. Tina just keeps working on my legs and is happy for the upgrades,(no comps at my house)that I am able to give her.
    Hope all goes well when you get home.
    P.S Better bring something nice!

  11. Comment by leroy | 05.17.2013 | 2:22 pm

    FC — It’s me that owes you thanks.

    I left work early yesterday (5 is early) to ride River Road. That’s the park roadway that passes under the George Washington Bridge and will be part of the New York Gran Fondo this weekend.

    There were a few out-of-towners for the Gran Fondo checking out the road. I was wearing the new Fat Cyclist kit to make sure it would be comfortable on a longer ride (of course it’s good, Twin Six is great).

    Several folks remarked that they liked the kit and your blog.

    But the highlight was the car that passed me on a short hill while I was struggling to keep up with a much stronger rider.

    The car was blasting “Eye of the Tiger.” Two young ladies were hanging out the car window, making a cell phone video and yelling encouragement to a fat cyclist.

    There are all sorts of magical properties in those jerseys.

    I’m not letting my dog borrow this one.


  12. Comment by Tim | 05.17.2013 | 2:32 pm

    An 11-25 cassette, but what cranks? I thought I was an OK climber until 2 weeks ago. I rented a bike in New Zealand and headed towards the Waitakere mountains with a 53-39 and realized I’m not really that good. I need my 34-50 cranks with my 11-28 cassette for 12-15% for any stretch that lasts over a couple hundred yards.

  13. Comment by ScottR | 05.17.2013 | 2:43 pm

    Beautiful, beautiful bike :-)

  14. Comment by UpTheGrade SR,CA | 05.17.2013 | 2:58 pm

    Why I cycle:
    Cool morning air, warm sunshine,
    In the zone, going up my favorite climb,
    and after e-o-n-s of trying,
    (Sorry – I like to rhyme)

    Fatty, aren’t you afraid that if you leave your new trophy bike alone for a week she’ll run off on you?

  15. Comment by Micha O | 05.17.2013 | 6:49 pm

    Nice ride. Honest question, are you not into Italian bikes? I’d really like a Basso.

  16. Comment by EdwinH | 05.17.2013 | 7:02 pm

    How appropriate that the top of the wainscoting isn’t a chair rail but a saddle rail.

  17. Comment by bob | 05.17.2013 | 9:18 pm

    Dude you ride a 52??? I’m sort of crushed just now. By the way are the HMoN swag bags shipping yet?

  18. Comment by Bill Webster | 05.18.2013 | 8:31 am

    Totally PRO.

  19. Comment by Maile in FL | 05.18.2013 | 11:06 am

    And…she did it! Yay Hammer!!!!

  20. Comment by Davidh-Marin,ca | 05.18.2013 | 12:17 pm

    Well that vow of silence shot!!!!!

    Friends of Fatty who know The Thompson’s (Dave,Amy, and Rob), and those that haven’t had the pleasure need to check the following:

    I can think of no better thing to do with your time today than this.

    @leroy’s dog l I’m counting on you

  21. Comment by Fitzhume | 05.18.2013 | 1:40 pm

    Did you not, at one point in time and in derogatory fashion, compare a high-end Specialized to a top-of-the line Toyota Camry?

    No, I did not. I compared it to a Corolla. Way funnier joke. Also, you should know that I reserve the right to revise my opinion of pretty much anything at anytime, and certainly over a bike manufacturer over the course of five years. And also, sometimes I just say stuff cuz I think it’s funny, not cuz I actually mean it. – FC

  22. Comment by Jesse | 05.18.2013 | 8:32 pm

    Congrats to the Hammer! She’s such an inspiration!

    I will do you a favor and not tell you where all of the awesome cupcake shops are in Connecticut. I know it’s hard enough to eat right when you’re on the road without extra encouragement.

  23. Comment by Marsupial MattC | 05.19.2013 | 6:51 am

    DavidH, glad your self-imposed comment-blackout was short-lived (I howled with laughter after reading Fatty’s 3-comment ban btw).

    Thanks for the info on Deidre (Rob’s dog)…brought tears to my eyes (true)…I voted TWICE (both home AND work emails). Like all of us LIVESTRONG Davis Fatty-family I’ve met Rob, Dave, Amy and Deidre, and I’m continually inspired by the entire family. And being a dog-lover (we have 3) I love to hear about how she is helping Rob. What a wonderful story…an entire family of hero’s (seriously!) See u all in Davis VERY SOON!

    And Fatty, I’d say enjoy your trip, but sounds like this is one not to be enjoyed but endured. And as to your newest cycling acquisition, I can only say YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK (in an extremely jealous tone). Sheesh…I’m still riding Aloominium for crying out loud…(both my MTB and road). Just can’t seem to get my wife to understand the formula for how many bikes I need, want, covet, envy, drool-over, and desire. Also the rather high price-tag of the latest high-zoot carbon-wonders is rather insane.

  24. Comment by Tom in Albany | 05.20.2013 | 6:52 am

    @Marsupial Matt: Carbon can be very affordable. High-end carbon (or Aloominium) is not. Look for a gently used one or look for a shop trying to get last year’s models out the door…

    Fatty – Enjoy CT. With all of your training and whatnot, the rest will probably do your body good.

  25. Comment by mims | 05.20.2013 | 7:39 am

    hey, my dh, in addition to running shoes, takes a travel roller like this one while traveling Easier to pack than a bike, and you can pretend the torture you feel while rolling out muscles is climbing your favorite hill.

    hey, we finally saw the levi effect movie, and caught a glimpse of you at the Granfondo. And the magnitude of the Leadville 100 really sunk in after viewing the footage of Levi winning in 2010.

    Enjoy connect-i-cut. Safe travels.

  26. Comment by Bill H-D | 05.20.2013 | 7:48 am

    It’s true. Corrolae are wayyyy funnier than Camry (the pl. of Camry is Camry).

  27. Comment by Doug (Way upstate NY) | 05.20.2013 | 11:46 am

    DavidH…..Come on its been two whole days! I mean even at the maximum allowed rate of posting you are WAY behind. We all really just read this to see what you have to say!

    Good Luck in CT Elden. I’m there next weekend. But unlike you I get to bring my bike. Have a new 40 mile single/double track dirt trail to explore.

  28. Comment by GenghisKhan | 05.20.2013 | 1:03 pm

    @Fitzhume: I’d ride that Corolla/Camry! :o)

  29. Comment by Kukui | 05.20.2013 | 2:42 pm

    Wow, The Hammer!!!!

    2nd place in the age group! She beat out more than 95% of the women overall, AND placed faster than 90% of the ENTIRE field!

    The Hammer is amazing! =), racer #11001

  30. Comment by Joe | 05.20.2013 | 3:12 pm

    Must be tiring stepping up onto all those podiums. Go Hammer!

  31. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 05.20.2013 | 6:15 pm

    SQUEEEE! I just got an email from TwinSix telling they’d shipped a package. It can only be one thing.

    The 100 MoN packets are on their way!
    The 100 MoN packets are on their way!
    The 100 MoN packets are on their way!

    And all I need is this lamp…

  32. Comment by leroy | 05.20.2013 | 9:09 pm

    Just voted for Dierdre for the Hero Dog Award.

    My dog was going to vote too, but I convinced him that probably would violate the rules.

    He also said he could hack the softwarectallying votes, but the he’s not a working breed.


  33. Comment by Jennifer | 05.21.2013 | 2:26 am

    I want that bike Fatty ;)

  34. Comment by Jenni | 05.21.2013 | 6:36 am

    Hey, I was just in CT for work. People were great, town I was in, not so much. Though I did get to ride. But that’s because riding my bike is my work.

    Hope your trip is better than mine was. Traffic is a nightmare, maybe it’s too late to tell you. Train service is down because of a collision on the tracks, won’t be back for a week they say.

    Have fun!!

  35. Comment by GregC | 05.21.2013 | 1:54 pm

    I’ve come up with a new business model. I like to wear my team fatty kit when doing events or long rides. I get asked at least once per event if I’m the Fat Cyclist (or if I know him). Last Saturdays race I was asked three times. I can be the Fat Cyclist designated substitute- kids parties, mall openings, doughnut eating competitions, big event speaking, etc. I mean we look almost identical (at least as long as we are both wearing bike gear and helmets and glasses and riding a bike and you only glance quickly) And if a perk is that I get all sorts of cool equipment discounts and event entry comps, I’ll take one for the team. What do you think??

  36. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.21.2013 | 3:20 pm

    …….peep. (just trying that out)

  37. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.21.2013 | 3:23 pm


    Let’s see? You are taller than your brother, and your brother is taller than Fatty. There seems to be a problem with your plan. (to quote my 12 y.o.
    ….”just say’in

  38. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 05.21.2013 | 5:23 pm

    Been voting every day for Dierdre, TWICE!
    Go Dierdre!

    Thanks for turning us on to this, @David-marin,ca

  39. Comment by Jeff Bike | 05.22.2013 | 8:51 am

    Hey do you guys have a problem with Camry or Corolla?
    I have over 238,000 on my Camry and my Step-mom put over 300,000 on her Corolla.
    Oh wait! That’s it. That is why I’m still riding a 2007 Trek 1.5 (modified). That is a Camry!

    I so LOVE your new ride, shame it is way too small for me. I take one a little larger (60cm).

  40. Comment by Clancy | 05.22.2013 | 9:06 am

    I shopped many different brands and while I really wanted a bike sexier than a tricked out corolla, I ket coming back to the SL3 Tarmac (this waas 2 years ago). Mine got some deep section carbon wheels this spring and I still extremely happy with it.

    Your transformation to the Darkside is now complete – the Sith Lord Sinyard welcomes you!!

  41. Comment by Marsupial Matt (formerly known as MattC) | 05.22.2013 | 12:09 pm

    Uhm, not to sound the alarm or anything, but LIVESTRONG Davis is now LESS than a month away!

    To Arms! To Arms!

    And just a side-note on Team Fatty Davis fundraising: Allison Houston & Jim Tolar, you two ROCK! You’re almost up to THREE GRAND already! The rest of us need to get to work…as a team we’re not even at ten grand yet.

  42. Comment by Susan | 05.22.2013 | 12:30 pm

    That bike is incredible! It’s like a ride on some new technology!

  43. Comment by Marsupial MattC | 05.22.2013 | 9:17 pm

    @Tom in Albany…it’s not that carbon isn’t ‘affordable’, it’s getting my wife to somehow see that my NEED for a new bike is somehow more important than our retiring someday. That equation for how many bikes you need (N+1) doesn’t fly in my house…my wife (who isn’t a biker) believes the proper equation is N-1, and I’m sure I’m not the only one in this situation.

    And for some strange reason I’m rather averse to crashing, so my bikes just seem to last and last (and last). Dang I hate products that don’t break. What kind of ethics do these bike-companies have, anyway? They should take a page from Microsoft…where you NEED to replace it every few years to fix the bugs built into it.

  44. Comment by Clancy | 05.23.2013 | 12:29 pm

    @Tom/@Matt – people often goof the equation question by forgetting the very important s-1 clause. Technically the correct solution for n is: n+1 <= s-1

    from velominati :

    While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.

  45. Comment by Barton | 05.23.2013 | 12:52 pm

    Sigh… 4 days in a row and nothing new from Fatty to read during the afternoon obligatory conference call where I speak for 30 seconds and then listen for 29.5 minutes. I actually ended up LISTENING to the conversation today – no, I haven’t been missing anything, it’s still all corporate gobblety-gook, and nothing is ever decided.

    Thank God for Twitter (who’d ever thought THAT’d have been said. Anywhere.)

  46. Comment by Marsupial Matt (formerly known as MattC) | 05.23.2013 | 1:21 pm

    Clancy, in light of this info, then I submit this:

    s=n+1 (or an equivalant variant formula is s=>n (wherein s = any value greater than n).

    And there are other variables to consider in this exceedingly complex formula: you have N (New bikes) vs n (current bikes). N does NOT = n, and as such can’t substitute for n, unless there is considerable damage (unrepairable) to n. IF the planets were to briefly align and somehow I get joint congressional approval authorizing a meager budget for N to replace n, under NO circumstances would n allowed to remain on the premesis.

    I’m sure there are other variables to consider that I’m not even aware of, which would only come into play if/when I were to start looking at N.

  47. Comment by SteveB | 05.23.2013 | 1:46 pm

    @Marsupial Matt

    Looking forward to meeting you and the others in Davis.
    My fundraising has truly lagged, in spite of what I thought was a very enticing prize…

    Also, regarding the N+1 discussion, the other approach is to start working on getting your spouse to adopt biking, thus increasing the value of s.

    In other sports this would be known as ‘cap space’

  48. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.23.2013 | 2:28 pm

    @MattC, SteveB, and others: I submit an additional variable for consideration:
    [F} where f+n = remote friends garage+n. Thereby N-n=f+n. This equation can remain until f+(x)n = S-f. Then you have to go on to (x)f+n.

    The other solution was the Wife#1 solution(recently suspended):
    New Horse = New Bike. Though this equation is not always ‘balanced’. I’m pretty sure I am still behind on this equation.

  49. Comment by Lonster | 05.23.2013 | 10:10 pm

    100 MON arrived today. Now to scope out the 400 lap circuit course. Time to dial up some crit style riding and get it done.

  50. Comment by Clancy | 05.24.2013 | 6:51 am

    Matt – I feel your pain. When I finally got permission to buy the last bike, the wife asked what I was going to do with the old bike. I *told* her I would sell it, but I had no such intentions. Later, talking to a fellow cycling buddy, he asked me what I was going to do with the old bike.. I explained that I *told* the wife I was going to sell it, but I’m really not. He said, “Really? I’ll give you $x.” (x being almost twice what I thought it was worth.) So I sold it … the day before I took delivery of the new bike. :(

  51. Comment by SteveB | 05.24.2013 | 8:52 am

    100 MoN package is rumored to be at the post office, but showers are forecast for Monday’s early bird division 100 MoN ride… 100 miles of wet and cold does not sound very appealing.

  52. Comment by Barton | 05.24.2013 | 9:20 am

    @SteveB – showers forecasted all weekend in my neck of the country. Might do 100 Miles of housework/cleaning avoidance on trainer instead….. urgh.

  53. Comment by ClydeinKS | 05.24.2013 | 10:06 am

    Your equation is spot on in my house/garage. Getting @MightyAthena a bike and some interest didn’t help either, BUT you know I keep attempting to have my POV shared. May need to educate the 7 and 3 yr old boys on this equation and philosophy for a little back-up! :)

    Side note re: 100 MoN, if you’re in the KC area and want to join an all day event filled with fundraising for Camp Kesem and also a newly formed foundation to support pediatric cancer research, we’d LOVE to have you join us! if wanting more info find me on twitter @DeVriesJS. I’ll try and get more info up if anyone else would like to donate!

  54. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.24.2013 | 10:48 am


    It’s been one week since you said to me…
    typed those words that said I might be needy
    Five days since you went away saying
    Get that together, come back and read me
    Three days since the comment room
    I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you
    Yesterday you’d forgiven me
    But it’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry

    Savin’ my words till a good time
    seems like the right time
    to mention a little riding flavor
    Fatty to the Moab, goin’ African Adventure?
    Wearin’ the Safari hat
    with his Gel Packs
    It’ll be this May (over the Memorial Day weekend, probably, so it’ll be easier for the winners to deal with days off, travel, etc.), and it’ll be incredible.

    can’t keep this up, got to shut up
    give it back to the master
    Cause we still got two days till we say we’re sorry
    It’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry,
    It’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry,

    with apologies.

  55. Comment by UpTheGrade SR,CA | 05.24.2013 | 4:15 pm

    Friday the 24th:
    My bike is Al and cost $500
    My kit is 5 years old and faded
    I’ve re-sewn the seams a couple of times.
    I just repaired my saddle with epoxy and duct-tape,
    I just blew my cycling allowance on two new Gatorskins.
    My bottom bracket is creaking, probably bad bearings
    There is no new bike in my near future (kids heading to college)
    But I just hammered the ‘fast’ guys on the Friday club ride
    and though my legs hurt bad, I feel lucky to ride,
    and my bike gives me this joy!
    Especially lucky to ride in the cycling paradise of Sonoma County!

    Thank you. (see…I didn’t rhyme)

  56. Comment by Mark in Bremerton | 05.24.2013 | 6:44 pm

    100MoN swag arrived.
    Anyone want to trade a jersey pocket envelope
    for a seat bag?
    My jersey pocket sandwich bag
    is worn out.
    Wife and I getting psyched!
    One more long ride this weekend.
    Onto the carousel next Saturday!
    (Pretty good story to tell
    Entirely new division to “win”).
    Thank You!

  57. Comment by Marsupial MattC | 05.24.2013 | 7:02 pm

    UpTheGradeSR, you’re my hero for whipping up on the kitted out “fast guys” on their mega-buck steeds on your shoe-string budget (there’s just not much better than that in my book). That’s not me (yet)…but hopefully someday. Right now I’m in the back of the fast guys, hanging on for dear life (but getting stronger by the ride by doing it). I live in the land of wind, or as I call it: “the birthplace of the winds” (CA Central Coast). We’ve had 20+mph the last 2 weeks, with no end in sight, and no real rides that have shelter from it. Such is life, it could be SO much worse…(tornado’s, snow, etc etc).

  58. Comment by Davidh-Marin,ca | 05.24.2013 | 7:13 pm

    There’s an expression up this way
    The town named Novato
    They say the wind doesn’t blow
    It sucks.
    (But I’ll give you the Central Coast, hands down)
    There’s a reason few live there.

    @mark in Bremerton. Your seat bag for my jersey pocket ??? Done! I can keep all the phone change i need in a seat bag!!!! now to just find a payphone?

  59. Comment by Mark in Bremerton | 05.24.2013 | 7:38 pm

    @Davidh-Marin. Great! Here is my email: mju_cvi(at)

    Wind? What’s that? Now rain…

  60. Comment by bob | 05.24.2013 | 9:06 pm

    Anyone in Denver have HMoN plans? I’d like to actually make some laps around Marshall Mesa which I know is contrary to the spirit but I’m looking for more “shareholder value” while I build up mileage for some big rides this summer.

  61. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 05.26.2013 | 12:25 am

    @Bucky @MattC @all

    Taking a moment to CROW! Wife#1 has motivated the kids to step for Fatty and the Team. Check out son’s Livestrong page(he wrote it himself) and while he’s not fast yet, he’s coming for you Bucky!

    Please support me as I make a difference in the fight against cancer.

  62. Comment by BicycleShopSG | 05.26.2013 | 4:12 am

    Cool bike! Cool blog!

  63. Comment by Kathryn | 05.26.2013 | 4:41 am

    Love that bike. I am very jealous!

  64. Comment by Marsupial MattC | 05.27.2013 | 6:51 pm

    Hopefully today was a grand 100MoN day for all you insane (in a GOOD way) Fatties! Can’t WAIT to hear your stories.

    I worked today (12 hr shift…4am to 4pm). Not that I would have ridden…the wind is about 25mph today (possibly more…almost rips doors out of your hand when you go outside. Stupid wind. I REALLY need to find a place to retire-to that almost NEVER has wind over 5mph. Wind, I HATE YOU!

    And HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY EVERYBODY! Take a pause to reflect on all the sacrifice that has been done for our great country so that we can ride bikes and read blogs (and eat cheeseburgers and ribs while drinking beer!)

    THANK YOU to all the vets out there!

  65. Comment by Anonymous | 05.27.2013 | 8:40 pm

    So Matt… Are you on the Gregorian or Julian calendar?


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