2013 100 Miles of Nowhere Race Report: 29-yr-old in East-Central Indiana Stationary Bike Category

06.14.2013 | 6:59 am

A Note from Fatty: If, after reading today’s 100MoN story, you feel like you’d like another for the weekend, check out Giro d’Jenny’s really excellent writeup.

Another Note from Fatty: I love this race report particularly, because it’s absolutely positively totally old-school, taking the 100 Miles of Nowhere right back to its roots: on a trainer, going nowhere. And then he takes the idea even further back than that. 

100 Miles of Nowhere: Winner of 29-yr-old in East-Central Indiana stationary category

by Eric B.

I hadn’t intended to do the 100 MoN. As I a regular reader of Fatty’s blog I’d heard of it, but decided it was too much….but then I read this post. Now as a relatively sane man, I should have stopped there, but then I read Fatty’s original 100 MoN race report. As I am evidently a very damaged man, I went ahead and read every post and clicked every link I could find on Fatty’s blog about this event. I shouldn’t have.

100 miles…in a garage…on a trainer….with a MTB

I really didn’t understand what I was getting myself into. I knew that it would be tough, I knew I would hurt. I underestimated it.


See? That’s a pic of my mug at 6:45 am happy and hopeful, engergetic and pleased with myself, naïve and stupid.

To sum up my experience, I have a list of good ideas and bad ideas that others may want to take note of.

  • Good Idea: Doing the 100 MoN. Great fund-raiser for a great cause. ‘nuff said.
  • Bad Idea: Riding a 15-yr-Old MTB:
  • It’s slow. At a high cadence (90-100) in top gear I could only maintain 20-21 mph.
  • It’s loud. The noises it makes when you get it into its top gear are dazzling and horrifying. It sounded like an evil popcorn maker was chasing me with a maladjusted dentist’s drill while also randomly opening and closing a zippo for over 8 hours.
  • It has flat bars. You are severely limited in riding positions. Normal and side-saddle are about it.
  • Good Idea: Electrolytes: It was hot, the Half-Evil from the swag bag and a whole load of G****ade kept me from bonking. My engineer/coach/younger brother told me I sucked down 2 ½ gallons of funny-colored liquid over the course of the day.
  • Bad Idea: Drinking 2 ½ gallons of G****ade: I suffered from worsening symptoms of pyrosis , eructation, and flatus as the day went on…and on… and on.
  • Good Idea: Being a Musician: I discovered that I am able to count my cadence without a cadenceometerajig. This ability started to slip at about the 75 mile mark.
  • Bad Idea: Letting your engineer/coach/younger brother be an engineer for the 100 MoN:
    He will want to build a special rig to capture/store/monitor the data that corresponds to your suffering. You will start riding over an hour later than you intended. Just have him coach, or do the engineering part of it the day before.
  • Good Idea: Eating: Once I started riding, I ate anything I could find. I had prepared 6 peanut butter sandwiches; gone before mile 60. I had the snacks from the 100 MoN swag bag; gone before mile 30. I had flatbread pizzas in the fridge for my lunch and my brother’s; I slapped them together and ate both of them like giant sandwich. My wife made pasta for 4 for dinner; I’m quite sure I ate half of it before anybody noticed. Eating is awesome.
  • Bad Idea: Riding 100 miles on a trainer:
    I hadn’t thought it through, there are no hills to coast down on a trainer. You have to grind out every single mile. Knobby tires also drag down your inertia…a lot.
  • Good Idea: Watching movies with the dog to get through it:
    Iron Man, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull, Tomorrow Never Dies, and The Avengers all only had a few slow spots that were tough to maintain pace.
  • Great Idea: The 100 MoN: It’s a crazy challenge, but worth it.

Here’s proof I actually did it, with breaks, in 8hrs 44min.


I made my wife present me with the shirt like I’d just won.


She made me change clothes before I could come in the house. I’m making my engineer/coach/younger brother ride with me next year, someone needs to share this suffering and madness.

- E.b.


  1. Comment by fattodd | 06.14.2013 | 7:46 am

    Great report! Will next year be a unicycle on the trainer?

  2. Comment by daddystyle | 06.14.2013 | 8:21 am

    Love it, well done, thats some mental toughness or perhaps just mental.

  3. Comment by rich | 06.14.2013 | 8:27 am

    great report! awesome job!!

  4. Comment by Christina | 06.14.2013 | 8:34 am

    Oh my gosh…I laughed out loud when I read the pizza part.


    And the best way to show an engineer they added to your suffering? Hug them. Engineers LOVE hugs. ;)

  5. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 06.14.2013 | 8:38 am

    Nothing better
    than a laugh
    to start the Morning!
    to find
    we’re all
    and misunderstood
    to raise money
    for a
    when asked
    and to suffer
    for it

    Thank you….and thank you Fatty, EricB, John M (aka Arizona Guy), Jeff DeVries (aka ClydeinKS), and all the MoN’ers for sharing with us.

  6. Comment by @girojenny | 06.14.2013 | 8:44 am

    Wow, great job Eric! Loved your eating stats! I’m married to an engineer and am one, you get extra points for that suffering element.

    And thanks to Fatty for including a link to my blog. CB had a successful transplant on Wednesday and is riding a recumbent (rumor is it is carbon) in his hospital room as I type this!

  7. Comment by GenghisKhan | 06.14.2013 | 9:51 am

    Definitely old school/high tech — great job and great write up!

  8. Comment by cyclingjimbo | 06.14.2013 | 10:02 am

    Excellent report!

    Kudos for the effort – riding a MTB with knobbies on a trainer has to be quite a challenge – even for a short time, much less 100 miles.

    Your drinking and eating prowess put most of us to shame (with the possible exception of Fatty himself, whose eating exploits are near legendary). You may be one of the few who gained weight during your 100 MoN, which probably makes you a Super MoNarch!

    Entertaining write up. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  9. Comment by Tom in Albany | 06.14.2013 | 10:49 am


  10. Comment by MattC | 06.14.2013 | 12:55 pm

    Great report Eric…loved your story!

    And GiroJenny…same for yours! I would have left a comment, but I’m at work and Big Brother has the comments blocked (I can’t do any comments at blogspot.com…which is also where MY site is at, it’s very annoying that I can’t even reply to people on my own site!)

    And also kudo’s to AZ guy (from yesterday)…was too busy to visit. LOVE the 100MoN time of year (to read about all the super-creative awsome Fatties kicking Cancer in the south-end.

  11. Comment by Clancy | 06.14.2013 | 1:00 pm

    Knobby Mtn bike tires on a trainer for 100 miles. Dude!! You win. Wow…

  12. Comment by roan | 06.14.2013 | 1:30 pm

    Using fatcyclist logic, methinks that removing the bike’s kickstand may improve your performance next year.

  13. Comment by Trevor | 06.14.2013 | 1:42 pm

    Awesome report! That just sounds so painful and boring. Well done sir, well done.

  14. Comment by centurion | 06.14.2013 | 2:32 pm

    Excellent effort, excellent write up.
    Seek a mental heath professional before it’s too late.

  15. Comment by Hammer/Lisa | 06.14.2013 | 3:53 pm

    YOU are my hero!!! Way to go!

  16. Comment by ClydeinKS | 06.14.2013 | 9:40 pm

    Awesome ride and job well done!! How did you not get tangled up in all that pile of tech under your wheel?
    I’d have spent hours getting all that untwisted after coming to a complete and immediate stop of my cadence and blowing out my knee!

  17. Comment by Thad | 06.14.2013 | 11:50 pm

    This is like Jackass for cyclists. And we all encourage it.

  18. Comment by buckythedonkey | 06.15.2013 | 3:21 am

    Congratulations, what a great report!

  19. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 06.15.2013 | 6:45 am

    Such a good story! You are hilarious, Eric, and I look forward to reading next year’s report about another suffer-fest.

  20. Comment by Jenni | 06.15.2013 | 12:56 pm

    Thanks for bringing back the old school spirit to the challenge.

    Also, you’re clearly an idiot.

    Welcome to the club.

  21. Comment by Andy@WDW | 06.15.2013 | 7:14 pm

    Bravo, sir, bravo! Way to embrace the spirit of the event. Great write up too. What a fun read. Thank you for sharing!

  22. Comment by Jerry Pringle | 06.16.2013 | 2:47 pm

    Well Done! Great report, and, as an engineer who cannot fathom running or riding without my Garmin, I can totally relate!

  23. Comment by Harry | 06.17.2013 | 1:14 am

    Absolutely amazing, well done sir :) Just reading your post really pumped me up to do it…..but then I actually thought about doing it and realised I’m not ready lol


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