Let’s Eat, Let’s Race: The 2014 Tour de Donut is ON

09.15.2014 | 12:35 pm

A Note from Fatty: If you’ve had enough jibber-jabber and are looking for the registration / donation pages, here you go:

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I sometimes wonder about evolution. About what particular combination of circumstances, challenges, advantages and environment has led various life forms to the place where they are now.

In particular, I sometimes wonder what almost impossibly-difficult-to-calculate set of factors occurring over unfathomable millennia resulted in what is, without question, my single greatest — and only quantifiable — super power:

The ability to ride my bike very fast while simultaneously eating a lot of food. 

More specifically, to ride my bike really fast for a few minutes. And then to stop and eat a bunch of donuts. 

And then to do that very same thing again.

And again.

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With such a powerful gift, I believe it goes without saying that I am looking forward to the 2014 Utah Tour de Donut.

And you should be too. Especially if you live in Utah. And doubly especially if you live in the Salt Lake or Utah County area. 

It’s ridiculous. It’s fun. And it raises a lot of money for causes I care about. 

And it’s Saturday, September 27, at 8:00am.

You should register now

Here’s How It Works

The rules of the Tour de Donut are simple (and detailed here), but really it’s very simple: You ride around a short, seven mile course three times. After laps 1 and 2, you stop and have the option to eat donuts — as many as you would like.

For every donut you eat, three minutes is subtracted off your total race time. 

So, if you can eat a donut in less than three minutes, it pays to eat a donut. Up to a point. After which point (and you’ll have to figure out where that point is), there’s nothing in the world that could be sufficient incentive to eat another donut.

My limit, as I have discovered in past years (here are my writeups from 2010 and 2011), is around thirteen. Which is a lot…though nowhere close to a winning time (for that I’d need to have eaten 25 donuts), like Regan Fackrell, whose very name causes those of us who know what’s what in the famous Tour de Donut world to tremble in terror.

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And to be honest, this year I don’t even expect to come close to my best finishing time; I’m going to be riding alongside my twin daughters. We’ll go their pace (The Hammer will probably be doing a 50K trail race that day).

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I do, however, reserve the right to try to set a donut consumption PR. Anything higher than 13 will get me there.

Anyone want to bet for me on this? Against me?

Why You Should Be a Part of This

The Utah Tour de Donut is run by The Rotary Club of American Fork — which I am not a member of, because they said I was too great a legal risk.

No, they didn’t really say that. I’m just too lazy to join.

But I do love what the Rotary Club does, both for local and for worldwide causes. 

Like, a part of the money raised will go to World Bicycle Relief.

But for this race, the local causes, in particular, are important to me. Thanks to the Tour de Donut, Lambert Park (which is close to my house) got some much-needed money when Alpine got flooded last year.

And more importantly, because of the Tour de Donut, the cancer wing in the hospital where Susan got treatment, has a nice blanket warmer:

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It’s hard to read it in that picture, so a closeup of the plaque:

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Yeah. I like that a lot. 

Register…Or Just Donate

If you live in the area, you should seriously come do this with us. It’s silly, goodhearted fun that does a lot for good causes. Plus, friends of Fatty get a $5 discount. Just click here register, then enter “fatdonut2014” in the discount code section of the checkout form. 

And if you don’t live anywhere near the race, why don’t you make the world think you did this race by buying a sticker for $5.00. It looks like this:

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Obviously, it’s suitable for sticking on a bumper sticker — whether on your car or someone else’s is up to you. 

To donate $5, click here to go to the Fundraiser page, then set the quantity to 5 (or multiples of 5 if you want more than one sticker). 

I hope to see you there. If you’re not afraid of witnessing my superpower in action, that is.

9 Comments

  1. Comment by Fellowfattychris | 09.15.2014 | 1:37 pm

    I think this would be a fun event for my boys to do with me. If you are riding casually with kids and not at normal Fatty pace, I would bet you can down more than 13. If I am able to talk my boys into this with me, I bet I can as well. Love me some donuts!

  2. Comment by ScottR | 09.15.2014 | 3:15 pm

    The warmer and plaque are beautiful.

    In for stickers, hoping I can join such a Tour one day.

  3. Comment by davidh-Marin,ca | 09.15.2014 | 3:30 pm

    So if I were to register, and show up, would you cover for me if Wife#1 called and asked if you’ve seen me?

    If you are serious about coming, David, let me know. I’d love to show you some of the other riding we have around here. – FC

  4. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 09.15.2014 | 3:39 pm

    I got your back David!

  5. Comment by Kate | 09.15.2014 | 7:42 pm

    So cool! We have a local Tour de Donut as well. The original, I believe, or maybe that’s just their spin. Whatever, it’s a blast. Ours is a 34-mile race with donut stops at about 8 miles and 25 miles in, and you get 5 minutes off per donut. My PR was 11 donuts, but it so wasn’t worth the daylong nausea. Have fun with your girls!

  6. Comment by Tom in Albany | 09.16.2014 | 5:00 am

    I’m setting the over/under at 14.5 donuts…

    Have fun, Fatty. I have to leave for a business trip that day.

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  8. Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 09.16.2014 | 12:16 pm

    Fatty,

    I had a practice donut today. Probably only my second…..or third since May. Definitely not my 4th!

    It may be too late this year to get in ‘race shape(?)’ for the donut ride, and even more problematic would be telling Wife#1 where I was going.

    DaveT and I have extremely wonderful and indulgent spouses, but as I explain to my ‘bicycle wife’ it doesn’t mean they don’t want us around. These trips away have to be ‘measured’ and a certain quid pro quo has to exist.

    I do want to ride in Utah (north (Tibble, American Canyon, Donut Ride) and south (Yurt, Moab, Hurricane) I just have to figure how to live long enough. I think The Noodle summed it up best in a recent tweet:
    Janeen McCrae @thenoodleator
    Follow
    I would like to go on adventures 365 days of the year. How do I arrange that and not be broke?
    11:21 AM – 15 Sep 2014

    Wishing you and the twins a successful race, and awaiting @RodNeeds2Ride announcement about the inaugural FoF Alpine Weekend Fondo and Fundraiser!

  9. Comment by Jerry Pringle | 09.16.2014 | 8:11 pm

    Sorry I won’t be able to make it, but I will donate! Having gone through chemo (8 rounds first time, 6 rounds this time), I can honestly say that warm blankets feel absolutely fantastic. Well Done, Fatty!

 

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