01.4.2011 | 4:21 pm
A Serious Note from Fatty: Yesterday, a few of you commented regarding a conversation about LiveStrong going on in a CyclingNews forum right now. As you all hopefully know, what matters to me is the same thing that matters to a lot of you: doing some good in the fight against cancer.
Based on what I know about LiveStrong — the people I’ve met there, the help they’ve given my family, and the help they’ve given others I know — I’m not concerned about what feel like inaccurate accusations. But I’ve asked the LiveStrong folks to reply with some specific answers. I’ll post those answers as soon as I get them.
An Informational Note from Fatty: A quick update here on all the prizes I’m currently wrangling. The winner of the trip to Italy has been contacted and has replied; I’ll be posting a little about her (yes, a female) soon. The winners of the weight loss challenge who are getting something from me have all been contacted by email. Winners who are getting something from Performance will be getting email directly from Performance soon. The winner of the snowshoes has been contacted and has replied. The winners of the CarboRocket will be contacted directly by Brad soon. So, in short, it’s possible that you’ve won something but haven’t found out about it yet. This has been a monster logistical challenge for me, so thanks for your patience!
Massive Motivation
I’m not as pleased as you might expect to announce that in a much shorter amount of time than it took to lose it, I have gained back almost all the weight I lost during the “Let’s Lose 10 Pounds by Christmas” challenge.
Sure, about four pounds of that loss was just water loss and I gained all of that back within five minutes of getting off the trainer, but still.
My problem, see, is motivation. With temperatures in the low single digits, it’s hard to imagine myself wearing shorts and a short sleeve jersey ever again.
It’s very easy, on the other hand, to eat yet another chocolate truffle. In fact, so far I have not discovered my practical truffle-consumption limit. But I do know it’s high.
Really, really high.
What I need is something to motivate me. A good reason to lose the weight. A carrot.
Luckily, I have just such a motivation. It’s sitting in my garage. In a box.
My motivation is a Gary Fisher Trek Superfly 100. This is a bike I’ve wanted since I tested one out at the 2010 Gary Fisher Ride Camp. I think this could very well be the bike I can finish the Leadville 100 in under nine hours on. This may be the bike I can do well in the local races on.
This may be the bike that cures me of the rigid SS disease with which I have been afflicted for the past few years.
And now I own one. [Full disclosure: I purchased this bike at a discount directly from the company.] Got it a few weeks ago. I’m so excited to take this bike to Moab or to Gooseberry Mesa I feel I may burst.
But, as I might have mentioned, the bike remains in a box.
Here’s why.
When I bought the bike (which I have given the nickname “Motivation”), I told The Runner, “This bike is my ‘Fatty is not fat’ bike. This is the bike I will not ride until I am down to 158 pounds. In fact, I won’t even build this bike until I’m down to racing weight.”
Currently, I am 13.4 pounds away from building that bike. And that has to be 13.4 honest pounds, not “this is really bad for your kidneys” pounds.
A couple of times, upon catching me as I put my hand into a bag of chips, or into the bag of truffles, or as I put my hand into the fridge, The Runner has asked, “Don’t you ever want to ride that new bike?”
It’s a question with power. Enough power, in fact, to (at least sometimes) put down a handful of chips. And to ask — beg — The Runner to please take the remaining Christmas candy (even the truffles) and nuts to the hospital and put them out in a community bowl.
At 1.5 pounds per week (a reasonable rate), I’ll be building and riding my new bike by the middle of March.
Until then, I’ll just keep looking at that box, and dreaming about what’s inside.
And I will update you on my progress.
Comments (53)
12.27.2010 | 1:51 pm
The Runner got me a unicycle for Christmas. Which is awesome, for two reasons:
- I have always wanted a unicycle. Like, since I was a kid. And yet, in spite of the fact that unicycles are pretty inexpensive (especially compared to the cost of some of the bikes I currently own), I have never owned a unicycle. So this is a realization of a childhood dream.
- I did not expect to get a unicycle. When’s the last time you got a present that really caught you off-guard and simultaneously opened a whole new world of possibilities? And also, probably, a whole new world of bruises and and abrasions, short-term-wise.
There was, however, a small problem. Here’s what the unicycle looked like, when I unwrapped it:
Yeah. It arrived in a box.
Procrastination
I am not a good mechanic. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that the only way I could be a worse mechanic would be if, when I went about assembling something, I instead wound up deconstructing said object into its constituent molecules.
And so, I did not open the box on Christmas day. For I was afraid.
Similarly, I did not open the box on the day after Christmas. For I continued to be afraid.
This morning, then, The Runner asked, “So, are you ever going to assemble this unicycle, or do I have to take it to Racer’s and have him build it for you?”
“I’ll build it today,” I said. By which I meant, “I’ll open the box and if there are more than two or three parts, I’ll take it to Racer’s myself.”
The Difference Between Feet and Inches
Normally, opening a bike box sends me into a cold sweat. I mean, it’s like opening a trunk of a car and finding a dismembered body. At least, I assume that’s what it’s like, seeing as how I have never actually opened a trunk and found a dismembered body. Which I am totally OK with, by the way.
Anyway, they’re at least similar to the extent that in either case I recognize most of the parts, but there’s no way that I’m going to be able to put them back together again.
You know, the more I think about it, the less I like the analogy I started with here. Could I just call a comedy mulligan and say something like, “Opening a box full of bike parts makes me feel woozy.”
Thanks, I think that’s much better.
In this case, regardless, the wooziness was not a factor, because there just aren’t that many parts to a unicycle. Attach the wheels and the fork to the body, attach the pedals to the cranks. You’re done.
And yet I still managed to screw it up.
You see, one of the steps in the instructions was to tighten a set of four bolts to a maximum of 45 pound-inches. So I got out my torque wrench — yes, I actually do own a torque wrench — and set it to 45 pound-feet.
You see the problem here?
Well, as it turns out, 45 pound-feet is considerably different than 45 pound-inches. Like, twelve times as much.
And so it should come as no surprise that I snapped the first bolt I was supposed to tighten, clean in half.
At which point I figured out my mistake, did some math (45 pound-inches is 3.75 pound-feet), found a replacement bolt (to my amazement I had one on-hand that was a perfect match), and finished assembling the unicycle without incident.
Check it out:
So now I’m the proud owner of a unicycle, which I assembled all by myself. So now I kinda know how Luke felt after building his own lightsaber.
So far, though, I have not tried to ride it.
That comes next.
I am afraid.
Comments (81)
12.22.2010 | 9:09 am
I’d like to make one thing perfectly clear: I am not good at making plans. I don’t like making plans. I prefer to have an idea and then instantly adopt one of the following courses of action regarding that idea:
- Execute the idea right then
- Forget I ever even had the idea
However, a bunch of Team Fatty members — every single one of which is more organized than I — have been asking, “What are we going to do in 2011?”
It’s a fair question, and one I’ve been giving a lot of thought. For example, in between when I finished the previous sentence and started this one, I thought about it for about ten minutes.
Which, for me, is a lot.
So here’s what I’ve been thinking.
My 2011 Team Fatty LiveStrong Plan
Team Fatty: Fighting Like Susan is practically synonymous with kicking butt in the LiveStrong Challenges, and this will continue to be the case in 2011. But this year, I want to hone things a little bit so that I feel a little bit less overwhelmed by having so many teams.
Mainly, instead of having going full-bore on every single LiveStrong Challenge, I want to focus on one event. And this year, we’re going to do the newly-created LiveStrong Challenge in Davis, California, July 10-11.
That’s the event The Runner and I are going to. That’s the event that Philly Jen is going to. That’s the event that ClydeSteve is going to. That’s the event that MattC is going to. Heck, I’m hoping that’ll even be the event that MikeRoadie is going to.
In other words, we plan to make a giant Team Fatty blowout party out of Davis, to the extent that we’re expecting LiveStrong will have no choice but to rename the event LiveStrong Davis / Team Fatty.
Join Up
To join Team Fatty, go to http://davis2011.livestrong.org/teamfatty and click the “Join Our Team” link, then fill out the form.
Note that you only need to pay a fee if you plan to show up and ride your bike at the event. If you want to join Team Fatty and help us raise money in the fight against cancer — but don’t expect to be able to come to Davis on July — you can sign up for the “Virtual Challenge” for no fee at all.
Also note that the registration fee to do any of the rides is only $35 right now but will go up to $50 after the beginning of the new year, so you should sign up now.
No Zero Dollar Members, Please
This year, I’d like to ask everyone, as you sign up, to make a donation to your own LiveStrong Challenge page. Whatever amount you can afford: $25, $50, $100. Seriously, whatever. In 2010, there were a lot of us who signed up with good intentions, and then never got past the starting gate. This year, give yourself some momentum by making a donation yourself.
And then you won’t feel so embarrassed asking others to make a donation, because you’ll be able to say, “Hey, I’ve already donated. I’m not asking you to do anything I’m not doing myself.”
Or you can feel free to rephrase that sentiment so it sounds less smug. Your call.
But What About If You’ve Already Joined the Davis LiveStrong Challenge?
If you simply couldn’t wait for me to get my act together and you’ve already signed up for the Davis LiveStrong Challenge, send an email to Team LiveStrong asking them to change your individual registration to a registration with Team Fatty: Fighting Like Susan. Be sure to give them the name you registered under. They’ll help you out.
But What About Other Challenges?
There won’t be a Seattle LiveStrong Challenge in 2011, so we won’t be going there. I will, however — at some point — be setting up a Team Fatty Philly and Team Fatty Austin, for the folks who want to attend those events because they’re closer.
But even if you’re going to go to one of those events, I’d like you to — for now — sign up for the Davis event and raise money for it. This is the event we’re going to really emphasize this year.
And this is the challenge all the big contests are going to be focused on.
So, once again, please join up.
If You’d Like to Buy Me a Christmas Present
By the way, I have created my very own personal LiveStrong Challenge page. I’m quite pleased with it. If you’d like, as a kind of “thanks for writing” Christmas present to me, to help me get started as I take up my 2011 fight against cancer, I’d really appreciate it. Click here to donate.
That’s Not All. Not Even Close.
This year, I want to start expanding Team Fatty’s efforts beyond just doing LiveStrong Challenges. Right now, there are two things that I really want to do.
- 100 Miles of Nowhere. We’re definitely going to do the 100 Miles of Nowhere again this year. I think May is a good month to do it, since this event has changed from being a solitary thing you do on rollers in your own house to being a full-on contest to see who can do the most ridiculous short-course century imaginable. This year, though, I’d like to see more and more groups doing this event, and I plan to give you tools to make that easy to do. Stay tuned for details (which is my way of saying I haven’t actually got any details ready).
- Dustin Brady’s Promise. You all know Dustin Brady as the guy with Shimano who has helped Team Fatty raise hundreds of thousands of dollars by arranging for me to have incredible dream bikes available for my fundraising contests. You also know him as the guy who lost his fiance (and published a very moving tribute to her here) to breast cancer in 2010, in much the same way I lost Susan in 2009. Well, Dustin made a promise to Michelle, and I think Team Fatty is in an excellent position to help him keep that promise to her. I’ll explain more soon.
And there’s more I’m going to want to do. Much more, really. If I had the energy and didn’t have to work for a living, honestly this is what I’d do full-time.
I’m excited for 2011, and extremely excited to be a part of Team Fatty for another year. I don’t think anyone else could even argue the point: I have the best readership in the entire world.
Thank you for all you’ve done, all you’re doing, and all we’re going to continue to do.
Comments (62)
12.17.2010 | 10:38 am
Today is the office Christmas party, wherein we eat, drink, and try not to act like the huge nerds you pretty much have to be in order to work at the company where I work (for those of you who don’t know, I now work at Gartner, which acquired Burton Group at the beginning of this year).
Every year, as part of this party, we have a white elephant gift exchange. In previous years, the gifts I have given have been:
- A variety box of Spam, which is to say, one can of every kind of Spam I could find at the grocery store (it turns out there are quite a few)
- Two marshmallow guns and a couple bags of marshmallow shooters
- A variety pack of weird things, including 50 Chinese finger traps, 25 Silly Putty Eggs, 250 super balls, 50 miniature yo-yos, 25 whoopee cushions, 50 assorted plastic animals that, when squeezed, bug their eyes out, and 1 tube of vegemite
This year, though, I pulled out all the stops and got something that every single person at an IT research company would want to have:
A (more than?) life-size cardboard cut-out of Justin Bieber.
This is not going to be easy to wrap (especially since I don’t plan to fold it back up before I wrap it), but I think I’m up to the challenge. I have experience with wrapping up large presents.
Alternate Universe Cycling-Related White Elephant Exchange
To be honest, though, it’s not easy for me to come up with great White Elephant gifts for normal people. If, however, I were to somehow magically be transported to a place where all of us did a white elephant exchange, I think I’d be awesome. And also, I wouldn’t have to go out and buy something.
I know, in fact, exactly what I’d wrap up: a 1-gallon can of apple-flavored Cytomax (those of you who remember apple-flavored Cytomax just gave an involuntary shudder).
What — if you were restricted to cycling-related stuff and had to use something you already have on-hand — would you bring?
Comments (68)
12.15.2010 | 8:37 am
If you’re like me — and for your sake, I hope you are, because it’s really awesome being me — you wear a t-shirt every day. Which is fantastic, because when you wake up in the morning, the ancient question of “What to Wear Today” is quickly solved.
The internal dialogue goes like this:
Me: “Hmm. I wonder what I ought to wear today.”
Other Me: “How about a t-shirt?”
Me: “That’s a fantastic idea. Thanks! But what should I wear for the bottom?”
Other Me: “I recommend wearing the same jeans you wore yesterday, because they’re nice and stretched out now, and will fit more comfortably than a freshly-washed pair of jeans.”
Me: “You’re exactly right. Thanks, voice inside my head!”
Other Me: “You’re welcome.”
Sadly, however, the choice to wear a t-shirt every day does come with a minor downside: laundry. Due to the absolute certainty that you will at some point spill food or wipe chain grease on your shirt (plus cumulative body odor and general grossness), you need to wear a clean shirt every day.
I am here to help. Specifically, I’m here to help you stave off doing laundry by one more day by presenting the new, 2011, Fat Cyclist T-Shirt Collection.
Check it out:
This shirt is now available now (yes NOW!) at Twin Six, in both men’s and women’s cuts.
Just in case you’re wondering where the “No, you go on” quote comes from, by the way, it’s from “How to Be Last,” and it’s a very good quote to have top-of-mind, as well as front-of-chest.
“But wait a moment, Fatty,” I hear you say. “What did you mean by ‘2011 Fat Cyclist T-Shirt Collection?’ Doesn’t a ‘collection’ generally mean that there is more than one thing to collect?”
To that I admiringly reply, “You are so astute.” Here’s the other new Fat Cyclist 2011 T-shirt:
This quote, of course, comes from The Wit and Wisdom of Dr. Michael Lämmler, and this shirt is available now in men’s and women’s cuts.
These shirts have many fine qualities, including:
- They’re 100% cotton. Except the tags. I’m pretty sure the tags aren’t cotton.
- They’re super-soft. We had considered going with merely “soft,” but then I pounded my fist on the table and yelled, “Soft won’t do! These are my readers! They demand and deserve super-soft!” And the Twin Six guys totally caved. Pushovers.
- Made in the USA. And you can bet that’s got China pretty upset.
- Black, so you can wipe chain grease on them with total impunity
- Guaranteed to push laundry day forward another day. Or two, if you buy both shirts.
- Both shirt designs have a blank back, like this:
I daresay if you order these shirts immediately you’ll get them before Christmas. But you’d better order two (of each), because otherwise, you’ll get them and love them so much that you will keep them for yourself instead of giving them as gifts, as you originally intended. And then someone’s feelings are going to be hurt on Christmas.
And that would be very sad indeed.
Fat Cyclist Hoodies and Trainers 30% Off Today Only
Today is the last day of Twin Six’s awesome “6 Days of Christmas” promotion, and today they’re taking 30% off the price of all bags, wool trainers, wool jerseys, long-sleeve t-shirts, thermals, and hoodies.
And that, my friends, includes Fat Cyclist gear. So may I recommend that today is the absolute best day for you to pick yourself up a Fat Cyclist Wool Trainer:
I love mine — it’s a comfortable, classy-looking trainer, feels like a really nice, warm, totally non-itchy sweater. I’m wearing it right now. They usually cost $190, but today they’re much more affordable at $133. Click here to get yourself one. And then you — like The Runner and I — can look like Buddy Holly and do the Trainer Dance.
Or, if you’re looking for something more casual, maybe you should get yourself a Fat Cyclist Hoodie:
And here’s the back:
These things are so comfortable they border on the indecent; I wear mine (over a Fat Cyclist T-Shirt, of course) about three days a week.
The hoodies are already a screaming deal at their normal price of $40, but today they’re $28, which is approaching ridiculously inexpensive. My guess is these will sell out quickly today, so if you’re going to get one (for you or for someone else or both), you might want to do it now.
The hoodies come in men’s-specific and women’s-specific fits. The Runner tells me that the women’s -specific ones fit a little small, so you may want to go up a size.
And, in closing, may I recommend you check out the rest of the Fat Cyclist gear as you do your Christmas shopping, not to mention all the other awesome goodness Twin Six has on sale today.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Comments (32)
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