02.8.2012 | 8:15 am
I am not what you’d call a classically-trained cyclist. You could fairly call me an “informally-trained” cyclist.
Or, if you were in the mood to be accurate, you could possibly call me an “ad-hoc, hard-knocks trained” cyclist.
The truth is, I haven’t every read a book on improving my riding position or technique, and the few times I’ve spoken with experts about these things, well…my mind has wandered.
And in short, practically everything I know about riding — and especially about mountain biking — comes down to this:
- You go faster when you pedal faster. Especially if you pedal faster in a harder gear.
- If you avoid something, turn.
- If you want to stop or slow down, use the brakes.
There you go. My twenty-ish years of riding experience, summed up. So I suppose I should stop writing now.
Except there is one — seriously, just one — thing I actually have considered and made a conscious change in with the way I ride, and I made it just a few years ago:
I brake with my middle finger. I have photographic proof and everything. Check it out:
Photo by David Kutcipal, 303Cycling.com
Here’s a closeup, for some reason:
Of course, the most surprising thing about this photo is that I apparently wear my wedding ring on the outside of my mountain biking gloves.
The second most surprising thing is that I keep a Strawberry-Banana PowerGel tucked into each leg of my shorts, where I can easily absorb nutrition through my skin, saving valuable seconds during the race.
The absolutely least surprising thing about this photo is that I’m obviously braking with my middle fingers (and middle fingers only). This should be totally non-surprising because I just said this is what I do a few paragraphs ago. And because of the title of this post.
What is surprising — or at least, would be surprising if I hadn’t tipped my hand a few minutes ago — is that I actually trained myself to brake this way, and I’ve got what I consider to be a pretty good set of reasons for why you might want to consider doing the same thing yourself.
Stable Platform
The very best reason you should train yourself to be a middle-finger braker is that by doing so you will subtly be flipping the bird in pretty much every photo of you going downhill on a mountain bike, for the rest of your life.
And that’s reason enough, probably.
However, if you’re looking for a (somewhat) more practical reason for being a middle finger braker, how about this: a wider span, as well as more of your hands, stay on the handlebars when you’re descending.
Think about it. If you brake with your index fingers, the part of your palm below that finger is — best case scenario — unweighted, and is probably not even touching the grip. If you brake with your index and middle finger, about half of each hand is off the grips when you’re braking. Which is kind of unfortunate, since — generally speaking — when you’re braking you’re definitely interested in having as much control of the bike as possible.
When your middle finger is on the brake, however, the widest possible span of your palms are on the grips: from the palm to the pinky. To me at least, it feels a lot more stable.
Additional Positions
The other thing I like about middle-finger braking is that by setting my brake position up to be natural for the middle finger, I’m also automatically set up for index finger braking and two-finger braking.
Here, take a look at this closeup of me braking again:
What this tells you — apart from the fact that I’m so darn lazy I use the same image over and over in the same post — is that my hands are pretty much against the inside stop of my grips. This is because even with the brake levers butting up to the grips, my hands have to come to the inside for middle-finger braking.
To move to a position for index-finger braking, I just have to shift my hands to the outside edge of the grips. This can come in handy on a really long descent (Like, coming down Columbine), when a finger can start to get tired.
And if I need to switch to two-fingered braking (such as when I’m doing a truly enormous descent), the brake lever’s in a good position for that, too.
But What About Power?
There was a time (side-pull brakes era) when single-finger braking was an awesome, alluring marketing promise, but — at least for people without big ol’ slab-o-meat hands — the reality was a lot different. If you wanted both control and the power to stop, you needed to use two fingers to brake with.
Those days are gone. Huzzah!
Disc brakes — at least, really great disc brakes — mean that your pinkie is powerful enough to lock up your brakes whenever you want.
So the question of power kinda disappears. But even if it didn’t, for me at least, the middle finger is every bit as powerful as the index finger. And pretty much on par in terms of dexterity, too. Which is to say, since switching to middle-finger braking, I haven’t started being any more of a klutz on my bike than I was previously.
Gotta Make Adjustments
The thing is, if you want to try out middle-finger braking, you’ll need to move your brake levers from where you’ve got them for index- or two-finger braking. Specifically, you’ll need to move them toward the outside of your handlebars. In my case, it means moving the levers so they butt right up against the inside edge of the grips.
I didn’t have to change the angle of the levers, which is good, because I fear change.
Your Mileage May Vary
Of course you are no doubt now asking yourself, “Is Fatty asserting that this is the best position for braking for everyone?”
The answer to that question is, of course, “Yes. Totally.”
Or it might just be that it works for me, so I thought I’d pass it along.
It’s also possible that this position would be a total non-starter for you. Like, I can imagine if you — for some very sad reason you should describe in gruesome detail with accompanying photographs in the comments section — lost one or both of your middle fingers, this braking technique probably isn’t going to be your cup of tea.
Also, if your hands are so meaty that squeezing the lever with your middle finger will crush your index finger, don’t use this technique. For crying out loud.
And, if you’r'e a six-fingered man, this position may not work great for you because you might be confused as to which finger is your “middle” (my take on this: discount your thumb and go for the finger that is in fact in the middle).
And finally, it’s possible that you have a compelling reason why middle-finger braking makes no sense whatsoever and is just compounding my descending mediocrity (or whatever it is that hopes to someday aspire to mediocrity). In which case, let’s hear it.
Comments (37)
02.6.2012 | 2:59 pm
As anyone who follows the sport knows, it’s been an extremely tumultuous and surprising week in the world of cycling. There have been revelations. Outrage. Some people emerging victorious and vindicated, others finding themselves unexpectedly shamed.
I am talking, of course, about the Bicycling Magazine Reader’s Choice Awards, in the March 2012 issue of the magazine.
You see, I’ve been eagerly anticipating this issue of Bicycling ever since the poll came out, last November. Here, I made an impassioned plea for you to vote for me.
And now, almost three months later, we finally know the results (click here for a larger version):
So, on one hand: Huzzah! I won! And thank you very much for voting for me.
But then, on the other hand, there’s that headline:
STUFFING THE BALLOT BOX?
Well.
Here’s how Wikipedia (The final and correct source on all human knowledge) describes ballot box stuffing:
Ballot stuffing is the illegal act of one person submitting multiple ballots during a vote in which only one ballot per person is permitted. The name originates from the earliest days of this practice in which people literally did stuff more than one ballot in a ballot box at the same time. In a government election, this is a form of electoral fraud.
It’s kinda like the headline is asking, “Hey, Fatty, how’s it going? We’re just curious — because frankly we can’t fathom how you possibly beat out Bike Snob, Bob Roll, and Phil Liggett in this vote, even after we reminded our readers that they ought to vote for someone else — have you committed fraud recently?”
Of course, there’s a question mark at the end of the headline, so that means the headline is just asking whether I committed a particularly nasty form of cheating, not insinuating I did. And the article doesn’t talk about how I must have cheated.
Which is nice.
So, Bicycling Magazine, thanks for the honor (but not quite so many thanks for inferring in huge red all-caps type that I cheated to win)!
But Wait! There’s More!
The end of the print article promises more exciting details online, where it would reveal more interesting stats.
In this, it does not disappoint.
You should really read the article, but here are a few interesting tidbits about my readers from it:
- You like Levi Leipheimer: In spite of the fact that he’s always being mean to me.
- You think the worst fashion sin a cyclist can commit is wearing white shorts: Which is really too bad, because I have big plans for next year’s Team Fatty gear, which will feature shorts that are not only white, but translucent white.
- About a quarter of you are female. Which I’m going to go ahead and trumpet as the very most awesome statistic in this whole survey. Because until this point I was pretty sure there were a total of five females who checked this blog, with The Hammer and my mom being two of those people (and my mom checks only every couple of weeks or so).
However, there is one incredibly vital, crucial piece of information in this survey. One I simply could not be more proud of if I tried. And that’s the fact that enough of you — at my urging — included “Honey Stinger Waffles” as a write-in vote for what you like to eat on a ride that they got included both in the print magazine and in this little online extra.
Which, if everything goes as planned, should ensure that I will continue to be comped Honey Stinger Waffles for the rest of my life.
Not to mention helping me build a pretty darned good case for asking them to be a sponsor in this year’s 100 Miles of Nowhere.
Comments (48)
02.2.2012 | 12:30 pm
Last July, Johan Bruyneel and I kicked off a ridiculously ambitious fundraiser: The Grand Slam for Zambia. The idea was as simple as it was big: raise enough money for World Bicycle Relief to buy kids in Zambia 1000 bikes. We offered a huge number of great prizes as well as a pretty noble carrot: by donating $134, you’d be buying a kid the opportunity at a vastly improved life.
Oh, and we had a cool logo, too:
The thing is, it’s not like the economy was great last year, so I was a little doubtful as to whether we’d hit that goal of $134,000.
Which just goes to show: I am stupid.
Because when all was said and done, you raised $158,791.00. Almost $25,000 more than the outrageous goal we had set.
Honestly, I get choked up thinking about the generosity of you people. I do. Thank you for being the kind of people who, when given the chance to do something good, take that opportunity and go way beyond what was asked of you.
Today, I wanted to show you the beginnings of the results of what you’ve done. Katie (you should read her story), the Grassroots Development Director of World Bicycle Relief, visited Zambia to deliver the first 340 of the bikes we bought, and brought back some fantastic video.
First, a short video of her with the bikes, talking a little about what she’s doing:
But the more important part is her, here, telling the kids about the bikes she’s delivering:
I love the fact that she’s wearing a 100 Miles of Nowhere t-shirt as she’s making this presentation. And I love even more how the kids react when they hear my name.
But what I love most is the fact that those kids, in that school, in that video, right now, have a better chance at a good life because of something we did. Something you did.
Here, take a look at a few of Katie’s pictures from this trip:
Again, thank you.
Meeting WBR
When I was in Chicago (for my day job) a few weeks ago, I got a chance to meet some of the WBR people in person:
Left to right, that’s Katie, Leah (Co-Founder of WBR), and F.K. (Co-Founder of WBR). They showed me around the SRAM / WBR headquarters (WBR was created by SRAM and they share office space):
I love that the little bike test track at SRAM has all kinds of skid marks on it.
We had dinner together, and talked about what we’re doing and what good luck we have to be in the position to help people out, not to mention be surrounded by people who are willing — happy, even — to join us and do soemthing for people who need it.
By the end of dinner, I knew for absolutely positively sure that there would be a second Grand Slam for Zambia.
I’m thinking we’ll call it Grand Slam II: This Time It’s Personal.
Or something like that.
Going to Zambia
The other thing we talked about was that they wanted me to go to Zambia with them, as soon as possible. To see what these bikes we bought are doing. So I can come home and tell the story.
We’re working on the timing, but it’ll be soonish. I’m looking forward to telling these kids about how hundreds and hundreds of people who I don’t know and they don’t know bought bikes, so those kids could see how amazing and important and life-changing bikes can be.
Again — and again and again — thank you. You people are the best. And I mean that.
Comments (56)
01.31.2012 | 12:49 pm
I got the strangest letter in the mail a few days ago. At first, I was confused. Then I was perplexed. Then I was dismayed. Then I assumed that someone had sent me a prank letter and set it aside.
Then, a few days later, I read this article in Bloomberg news:
Suddenly, it all made sense. When Pat McQuaid said they had “spoken to people of means” about investing in Global Cycling Promotion S.A. (the for-profit, race-promoting part of the non-profit UCI, which governs races and there is no conflict of interest here and please move along, there’s nothing to see here), he meant — among other people, I’m sure — me.
Thus reassured, I am now investigating becoming one of the benefactors of Global Cycling Promotion S.A. (GCPSA).
Although, to be honest, I still have reservations, and could use some advice on this matter. Please do me the favor of reading the letter I received, below, and letting me know whether you think this would be a good idea.
From the Desk of Patrick McQuaid
Dear The Fat Cyclist Nelson,
As you no doubt are aware, cycling is becoming an increasingly popular pastime throughout the world. With the recent economic difficulties throughout the world as well as increased interest in living a “green” lifestyle, more and more people are buying and riding bikes.
As a natural extension of this, bike racing is becoming more and more popular, especially races like The Tour de France.
Without question, there has never been a time quite like the present to become a part of the growing cycling community.
Well, what would you say, Mr. Cyclist Nelson, if I were to tell you that I represent both the world’s foremost cycling governing body and an up-and-coming cycling promotion organization, and can give you unprecedented access to both?!
Don’t answer yet!
Three Levels to Choose From!
What I’m offering you, Mr. Cyclist Nelson, is the opportunity to really be on the inside of the cycling world. In return for your investment in GCPSA, you’ll get instant and measurable return:
Silver-Level Investment
If you invest a minimum of USD$100,000.00 (payable in cash only, please), you’ll receive all of the following!
- A Rule Named After You: Sometime during the next year, the UCI will create a rule that is guaranteed to get attention in the press. We will name that rule after you. Imagine the excitement when, each time the rule is mentioned in the cycling press, your name is included! Your Google juice will flow like never before!
- An “I Put the “U” in “UCI” T-Shirt: Let people know that you are the driving force and (and partial owner) behind cycling’s governing body and premier race promotion agency (and trust me, once we make rules that effectively outlaw all other race promoters, we will be the premier race promotion agency)
- One 4oz Indulgence For One Rider’s Bike, for One Stage of Any Race: You have a favorite cyclist, right? And you’d like to see that cyclist win, right? Well, we can’t guarantee anything (at least, not at this level), but for one stage of one race, a cyclist of your choosing will be allowed to race with a bike 4oz lighter than the UCI lower limit. Is that enough to make the difference between first and second place? It seems to us like it just might be.
- An 8″ Bust of Me (Pat McQuaid), made of Pure Toblerone Chocolate. The real dilemma here is, should you eat it, or proudly display it on the mantle? (I recommend the latter!)
Gold-Level Investment
How strong is your commitment to cycling, Fat (I hope you don’t mind me calling you “Fat,” for I feel we are kindred spirits)? If it’s truly strong and you are able to show this strength in the form of a minimum investment of $500,000, you will receive everything in the Silver-Level Investment list, plus all of the following:
- A Yellow Jersey
- A laminated card that fits easily inside a jersey pocket, with the following text: “This card gives the bearer the right to wear a yellow jersey at any ride or race, at any time, regardless of the bearer’s actual position in the race, according to UCI Statute 3-UCI-18930.9b. Further, the bearer of this card shall not be given any crap whatsoever by smarthmouthed riders, lest they bring upon them the full wrath of the UCI. Signed, [Pat McQuaid Signature]
- A signed, 8×10 glossy photo of Pat McQuaid (me), suitable for framing.
- Three 4oz Indulgences, to be Used In Any Combination You Choose. Would you like to give a cyclist the right to ride an extra-light bike on three consecutive stages? Or give three riders on a team the right to each ride with an extra-light bike on one stage? Or let one rider ride one stage with a bike that is 12oz lighter than anyone else’s? It’s your call.
- Your Name on one GCPSA Event: We’ll add “brought to you by” and your name as part of the event of your choosing. Many of our events are watched by literally hundreds of people, so this is quite likely worthe the investment all by itself!
- Elimination of an Annoying Rule: Have you ever wondered why the UCI has so many ridiculous rules? Well, wonder no more! We created these rules to make you look brilliant and powerful when one of those rules is discarded! When you join the Gold-Level Investment club, we will release a statement saying that, due to your persuasive, level-headed thinking, we have reconsidered the wisdom of [whichever rule you don't care for], and have eliminated it, effective immediately. You will be a cycling hero!
Platinum-Level Investment
If cycling is more than a fleeting interest for you, Fat, you might want to consider the highest level of investment in the UCI / GCPSA: Platinum. Certainly, $1,000,000.00 is no trifling amount, but I think you’ll agree it’s well worth it. Because, in addition to all of the rewards in both the Silver- and Gold-Level Investments (see above), you’ll also receive the following:
- One Season-Long 4oz Indulgence: Pick a rider. Any rider. That rider now gets to ride a bike that is four ounces lighter than the UCI limit, for the whole season. Now I’m not a betting man (as far as you know), but if I were, I might start making some wagers on that racer.
- Create a Rule: Is there something that irks you about the world of cycling? Tell us what it is. We’ll create a rule that fixes the problem. (Not to give too much away, but do you think that we really felt last year that race radios needed to be eliminated?)
- One Scale Malfunction: You know, technology doesn’t always work the way it ought. Sometimes, just for example, a scale might register a bike as being inordinately heavy. Or perhaps it might find a bike unusually light. Isn’t technology frustrating?
BFF-Level Investment
To learn about the BFF Investment Level, please contact us directly, using an unmarked envelope, sent from a location other than your house. We will be in touch after vetting you thoroughly and ensuring that you have no entanglements we might find inconvenient.
We cannot disclose here the amount required from you as a BFF-Level Investor, nor do we find it wise to disclose the perks. But we can assure you they are both quite substantial.
Intrigued? There’s More!
Is all of this interesting, but you still want more? Well, reply today and you’ll also — at no obligation to you — receive the following!
- 2011 Tour of Beijing T-Shirt (one of each size)
- 2011 Tour of Beijing Water Bottles
- 2011 Tour of Beijing air filtration mask
- 2011 Tour of Beijing Balloons (500)
- 2011 Tour of Beijing snack packs (note: for display only; snack packs have expired)
- 2011 Tour of Beijing Pens (as many as will fit in the box)
- 2011 Tour of Beijing Leaders Jersey
- 2011 Tour of Beijing notepads
- 2011 Tour of Beijing Superballs (9; do not touch, may contain lead)
- 2011 Tour of Beijing Yo-yo
- More Surprises! Quite possibly from the 2011 Tour of Beijing!
Mr. Cyclist Nelson, I’m sure a man of business such as yourself you can see the value in investing in GCPSA. Please support the next evolution in cycling promotion / regulation by becoming an investor. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Best Regards,
Pat McQuaid
President, UCI / Global Cycling Promotion S.A.
Comments (33)
01.30.2012 | 11:55 am
A “Hey, Come Run the Boston Marathon With the Hammer and Me” Note from Fatty: Hey, guess what? The Hammer and I are going to run The Boston Marathon this April. Yikes, I know. The cool thing is, I have a few (literally: 3) LiveStrong slots that have been made available to me. So if you want to run it with us, you can. But you’ve got to do three things, and you’ve got to do them now:
- Decide you’re going to do this run. No, you don’t have to have qualified for it. I didn’t. But you’ve got to decide you’re going to do the marathon, which is a big deal.
- You’ve got to decide today.
- You’ve got to email me at fatty@fatcyclist.com today, saying “I want in” in the subject line.
- You’ve got to raise $4000 for LiveStrong. That’s the price of admission for people who didn’t qualify (like me).
Email me right now if you’re interested. Not tomorrow. Today.
Last Thursday, I talked about a number of bike-related things I love. The thing is, though, by the time I had worked about halfway through the list I had on my Very Organized Post-It of Things to Write About (VOPITWA), I had a hunch.
“This post is getting long,” I thought to myself. “If I keep writing, it will take longer than the average toilet visit to read this post, and nobody will ever get to the end. At least half of the things I wanted to talk about will get short shrift. That wouldn’t be fair.”
So instead, I’m going to finish that list today.
ActionWipes 
Full disclosure: ActionWipes sent me a big box of ActionWipes for free. Once those are gone though, I’ll be restocking with my own money.
I’ve written about ActionWipes before, briefly. Specifically, I mentioned them in my “How I Got the Daisy” post, where The Hammer offered me her ActionWipe as ad-hoc toilet paper.
This was, frankly, a grave disservice to ActionWipes (and besides, one ActionWipe wouldn’t have sufficed for the scale of emergency I was experiencing at the moment). See, ActionWipes shouldn’t be thought of as foil-wrapped toilet paper.
Nosirree.
ActionWipes should be thought of as a foil-wrapped shower.
The first thing you notice when you open an ActionWipe is that the wipe is pretty much the exact size of a washcloth.
The next thing you notice is that it smells good. Clean. Not like a baby wipe.
The third thing you notice is that the material is strong — like full-on cloth strong. One of these will pretty much take care of cleaning up the parts of you that really need cleaning up, post-ride.
Specifically, one of them will clean your face, legs, arms, pits and butt.
Yes, butt. In fact, especially butt. If you’re not going to get a shower really soon after a ride, cleaning up your butt with an ActionWipe (and then, if you’re going to be smart about it, with some antibacterial stuff everyone’s always rubbing on their hands) is a great way to keep yourself from getting saddle sores.
Back when I worked in an office setting (as opposed to my basement, where it’s totally cool for me to stink all the time), I kept some in a drawer (luckily I had an office with a locking door, so nobody got a surprise that would force them to blind themselves in an effort to drive the image out of their minds.
Now I keep a bunch in the BikeMobile, where they’re useful for cleaning up after a longish ride that’s going to require a longish drive before a shower. Seriously, these things are great.
Bontrager Windproof Bib Tights
Full disclosure: I got no special deal on these tights.
Are these the very best windfront bib tights in the whole universe? I do not have any idea. The truth is, this is the only pair of windfront tights I’ve ever had, and since they’re doing such a good job for me, I don’t have any special need to replace them.
Basically, I’ve found that these tights keep my legs and chest remarkably warm, even on really cold, windy days. Last Saturday, for example, a bunch of us went out on a 100-mile road ride. The temperature never got above freezing. Thanks — at least in part — to these tights, I never got cold.
OK, my toes and fingers got cold, but it’s not like the tights can be held responsible for that.
Now, on last Saturday’s ride I wore a pair of bibshorts under these tights, because for that long of a ride I wanted a chamois. For three hour or less rides, though, I don’t wear additional shorts under these tights, and I still don’t get cold (and for that short of a ride, a chamois isn’t really necessary, in my very expert opinion).
Plus, that zippered chest on those tights keeps my winter layer of blubber from sloshing around, like ManSpanx.
Or something.
Ride: Short Fiction About Bicycles
Full disclosure: I got no special deal on this book, but I am friends with Paul Guyot and Kent Peterson, two of the authors in this book.
Before I ever read anything in Ride, I liked the idea of it: a book of short stories, all of which have cycling as part of the story.
When I found out that a couple of my friends — Paul Guyot, who has guest-posted here, and Kent Peterson, who took extraordinary care of my bikes back when I lived in Washington — were two of the authors in this book, I had to get a copy.
And the fact that the book is really inexpensive — just $3.99 for the Kindle version — made it an easy sale.
That said, even on its own I would have enjoyed this book. Not every story in this book, mind you, but that’s kind of the great thing about a book full of short stories by different people — you don’t expect that every story will suit your tastes. You go in, hoping that you’ll find something you’ll like.
And in the case of Ride, I personally found several stories that made the book worth the price of admission, several times over. Here are a few I liked:
- “I’m Bob Deerman” (by Paul Guyot): I’m already a fan of both Paul and Paul’s writing, so this was the least surprising thing for me to like. What was surprising, though, was how much I squirmed while reading this story, maybe because I could so easily see myself in the place of the rider — a guy who poaches a ride and then gets greedy.
- “The History of the Bi-Cycle” (by David A.V. Elver): As I read this one, I thought to myself, several times, “This is the guy I’d write like, if I were a better writer.” This story is pure absurd silliness, and made me laugh out loud several times.
- “Bob’s Bike Shop” (by Kent Peterson): I think it may be helpful, sometimes, to know the author when you’re reading something — I figure that’s why those of you who have been here for a while keep coming back; you know me. It kind of works the same way with “Bob’s Bike Shop,” which, because I know Kent, I couldn’t help but read with Kent’s voice in my head. Also, Kent’s personality — an uber-mechanic, as well as a really kind, friendly, super-knowledgable lover of bikes — shines through the story. Even if you don’t know Kent, though, his love of people, bikes, and bike shops shines through here.
- “Night Ride” (by Keith Snyder): This is the most complex story of the bunch, as well as the most ominous, the saddest, and at one point most terrifying. I got completely immersed in this story; it feels like there’s a lot of “real” in here. Knowledge of the movie Breaking Away is prerequisite to really get what’s going on.
Those are my four favorites from the stories — chances are your favorites will overlap, but not perfectly, with mine. In any case, I imagine most cyclists will find something here they love. Click here for info on getting Ride in print, Nook, Kindle, and iBook formats.
Comments (35)
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