Three Glorious Days, Two Fun-Filled Nights

11.9.2007 | 5:02 am

Fall Moab 2008 begins today. Right now, in fact. I’m picking up some of the core team, we’re meeting at Racer’s, and then we’re off to begin one of the most important weekends of the year.

Incidentally, Fall Moab 2008 isn’t in Moab this year. It’s in St. George, Utah. And of course, the 2008 is fiscal 2008, because we’re all highly-paid knowledge workers who think in terms of fiscal calendars, not the silly little things layfolk like you keep on your walls.

Also, we’re camping this year. Brad just bought some property right on Gooseberry Mesa. Yeah, seriously, he did.

Some day, there will be yurts on this land, and you’ll be able to rent overnight space on what is often called the best mountain biking trail in America.

For now, though, we’re straight-up camping.

Secret Weapon
As I have mentioned many times, I don’t like to camp. But the truth is, I like almost everything about camping. I like to eat camp food. I like campfires. I like talking with my friends while sitting around a campfire and eating camp food.

But there’s one thing that ruins the camping experience for me, every single time: I can’t sleep.

This year, however, things will be different. This year, I have stolen some of my wife’s Ambien.

So I will sleep just fine. And — I have tested this — Ambien doesn’t seem to give me a sluggish feeling that would ruin biking for the next day.

Better camping through science. I can’t wait.

The Plan
We’re going to ride Gem trail tomorrow. Then Gooseberry on Saturday. Then Little Creek Mesa on Sunday.

That order may not be correct. The truth is, I’m just kind of a hanger-on for these trips. I go where the group’s going. I love it that way.

When I come back Sunday night, there are some things that are certain:

  • I will have at least some scrapes, cuts, and bruises. All of us will.
  • I will be tired and stinky.
  • I will have pictures, video, and stories to tell.
  • I will be happy. And malodorous.

Have a great weekend, folks. I know I will.

PS: Be sure to sign yourself up for the One-Week “Get A Grip” Weight Loss, where you can win some awesome Ergon grips. The competition begins this Monday!


  1. Comment by | 11.9.2007 | 5:22 am

    I for one have to point out that I am a bit jealous, here. Really, I’d love to be a highly-paid knowledge worker, and not just a lay-folk. Also I would like to have Ambien… and some peanut butter M&M’s. Thats about it for now. Have phun this weekend, can’t wait to see the picts and vids. I’ll be at the Cross My Heart And Hope To Die Willoughby Cyclocross Spectacular, the one I’ve been overly hyping on my blog. I’ll just be watching though, not a cross guy myself… yet.

  2. Comment by Travis | 11.9.2007 | 5:41 am

    just simply jealous… have a great one, + jelly bellies

  3. Comment by TIMK | 11.9.2007 | 5:53 am

    Thanks for the Ambien reminder – that would have been great the last time I went camping. I slept, rather tried in vain to sleep, in a friend’s pop up camper. It was a recent 2nd, (3rd, 5th) hand purchase and it smelled like an old, wet leather shoe. Even though it was cold I had to have the window open so I could breathe.

    Be sure to tie all that Halloween candy you’re taking with you up in a tree to keep it away from bears (and your camping mates).

    Also jealous.

  4. Comment by GenghisKhan | 11.9.2007 | 6:29 am

    Have you tested the Ambien in the camping environment, or just at home where you sleep well anyway?

  5. Comment by El Animal | 11.9.2007 | 6:54 am

    Don’t take ambient, get drunk that’s more fun. Have a good trip you lucky &^%$%.

  6. Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 11.9.2007 | 7:46 am

    Have fun!!

  7. Comment by Kris | 11.9.2007 | 7:57 am

    I tried Ambien once on a trip and it did help me get to sleep faster and I felt good the next day. My friend who was on Ambien for several months due to chronic insomnia said he had much weirder dreams.

    When anyone mentions that they are going riding I can’t help but want to go ride myself. I have half a mind to get up early tomorrow and drive down to ride Gooseberry myself. But I think I’ll stick to riding around SLC since the weather is so nice. Hmm, AF Canyon or Park City?

    I look forward to the photos and stories.

  8. Comment by MTB W | 11.9.2007 | 8:29 am

    You lucky dog! My gf & I had planned on going to Moab last night but work issues came up so I had to bail. (Yeah, I now owe her big time!). Anyway, will have to stick around here to ride, like Lory State Park/Horsetooth. At least is supposed to be around 70 and sunny.

    Looking forward to your usual cool pics and video.

  9. Comment by eunicesara | 11.9.2007 | 8:40 am

    So how camping is this camping? Tent and sleeping bag? Air mattress in the bed of the pick-up truck to keep out of snake and lizard territory? RV with sattelite? There’s camping, and there’s camping.
    Have a good weekend.

  10. Comment by leroy | 11.9.2007 | 10:24 am

    FC- Ambien is good for those time you have to go to bed at 9 PM to make sure you get enough sleep before some ride that would be perfect if only it didn’t require you to get up way before dawn.

    Just don’t forget to pack a copy of the Ambien cookbook.

  11. Comment by KT | 11.9.2007 | 11:01 am

    Cyclephun: he’s bringing back picts, eh? Is he carrying them on his bike? That’s a lot of extra weight, plus you got to deal with a blue-dyed naked hairy guy with a sword swearing in Gaelic as you pop him off the back over the bumps. Scary. :)

    I’m just ribbin’ ya, I know you meant pics, as in pictures, not picts, as in ancient britons. :)

    Fatty: I like Rozerem the best. Sleep like a log, have weird dreams, wake up just fine. Plus, I don’t get addicted to it. And there’s no icky side-effects, like cotton mouth, etc.

    Camping in November, eh. Brave of you. I’ll be sure to think of you as I snuggle under my down comfortor on my sleep number bed inside my nice, warm house.

    My best to Susan!

  12. Comment by mark | 11.9.2007 | 11:08 am

    How I long to be a hanger-on. The only thing better than going to Moab in the spring is going to Moab in the fall when you are fit from a season of riding. Even if Moab is in St. George that year.

  13. Comment by Mike Roadie | 11.9.2007 | 11:13 am

    Ambien comes in different doses, right? Take a small dose and my experience is it will not make you fall asleep, but once you do, you’ll only be out for about four hours.

    It must be beautiful in Moab this time of year.

    BTW… fair stuffing yourself this weekend to balloon up before the big wieght loss contest!

    Thanks to those of you who have signed up for the contest by using the LAF link: We got a few hits yesterday and the pink jersey is now on the webpage picture there…….go see !!!!!!

  14. Comment by Travis Ott | 11.9.2007 | 11:38 am

    Dear Elden,
    Yesterday was a flurry of activity as several of my teams worked on finalizing the internal arrangements to provide a counter-offer regarding your proposed partnership. The design team was finishing the mock-ups for the custom “fat cyclist” paint scheme for your new Superfly, logistics had diverted our last order for the tri-state area to your home for use as give-aways, and Mr. Fisher was preparing his cabin in Aspen for an interview and negotiations for ghostwriting his biography.
    Unfortunately, I have just been informed by a tearful member of my PR team that you have recently admitted to planning to use performance enhancing drugs and/or methods in the upcoming Fall Moab 2008.
    Under these circumstances, it obvious that we cannot enter into what surely would have been a wonderful partnership for years to come.

  15. Comment by Kris | 11.9.2007 | 12:14 pm

    Priceless! (see Travis Ott above) That’ll teach Fatty not to run off and leave his blog unattended.

  16. Comment by DOM | 11.9.2007 | 12:26 pm

    I’m no lawyer and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express, but are you aware that you’ve publicly admitted to 2 federal crimes? One for taking a prescription med without a valid prescription, the second for possessing/ingesting a controlled substance. Being an international celebrity, you risk a backlash from the “normal folk” who demand your head on a platter. You’ve heard it before, I’m sure, “If it was someone like you or me, we’d be carted off to jail, but he’s a celebrity so he’ll walk without as much as a slap on the wrist.” Your best defense may be to claim you have a problem and enter rehab. Say hello to Lindsey and Britney for me.

    I vaguely remember about the time I started reading your blog someone posting after taking their Ambien for the night. Complete jibberish but funny as heck.

  17. Comment by Clydesteve | 11.9.2007 | 12:35 pm

    Fatty, you blabber-mouth. Here I was wrong about doppel-Trav, and youscrew things up with, of all things, cycling & drugs.

  18. Comment by Fatty | 11.9.2007 | 12:39 pm

    Dear Travis,
    I beg you to reconsider based on the following information:
    - I was not aware that Ambien is a banned substance.
    - Even if Ambien (the sleep aid) is banned, know that “Ambien” (as I mentioned in my Moab post) is a nick-name for a local Utah beer, and since Utah beer is incredibly weak, it can’t be considered a drug.
    - And if I were to use any Ambien (the beer) in Moab (really St. George), I would only be using it topically as a treatment for sore muscles – I will not ingest a single drop.
    As you can see, these doping allegation are all just a simple misunderstanding. I trust that my complete and believable explanation has put your worries to rest and we can continue working out the details of this mutually beneficial proposal.
    But should you spurn me, consider this: In my distraught condition I may “accidentally” ride my bike off Gooseberry Mesa and my death, and the suffering it would cause to my devoted fans, oh and my family too, I guess, would be on your head! Can you live with that? Think about the harassment you, and your company, will endure from my grief-stricken minions. Surely you see that continuing our negations is the right thing to do.

    P.S. Tell Gary that when I meet him in Aspen he will be required to kneel humbly before me and kiss my ring. This is non-negotiable.

  19. Comment by Kris | 11.9.2007 | 12:44 pm

    The inmates are in charge of the asylum now!

  20. Comment by Lowrydr | 11.9.2007 | 1:09 pm

    Alright Fatty, hand over your Passport and stand over there against the wall. The cavity search will start just as soon as Brunhilda the 300# matron gets here. Now enjoy sitting on that bike seat.

  21. Comment by David Walsh | 11.9.2007 | 1:12 pm

    Mr. Nelson,
    In addition to your recent admission of planning to dope for the Fall Moab 2008, your recent claim of being “on the road on work-related business for a few days” is being disputed by eye witness reports of you riding in the Dolomites with Michael Rasmussen. Do you have a response? Will you step down as leader of the Fat Cyclist team? Are you staging a go-slow protest at these accussations, or is that just your normal pace? Is your career over, Fatty?

  22. Comment by David Walsh | 11.9.2007 | 1:17 pm

    I have also just received a report linking you to the elusive cyclist nicknamed “gordo” in the Operacion Puerto documents. Will you fight your impending two year blog-ban?

  23. Pingback by | The RocBike Review » Links Of The Day: 9 November 2007 | 11.9.2007 | 2:27 pm

    [...] Three Glorious Days, Two Fun-Filled Nights [...]

  24. Comment by bikemike | 11.9.2007 | 3:02 pm

    as inmates, we will post our demands later.

  25. Comment by KeepYerBag | 11.9.2007 | 3:19 pm

    He meant AMBIENT, people, as in Ambient Music.

    He took some of his wife’s ambient music with him so it will help him doze off. It’s music specifically designed to calm and relax. Anyone who listens to it for more than a couple of minutes is guaranteed to fall asleep.

    AMBIENT. He meant AMBIENT.

    You can pay me later, Fatty. Have fun!

  26. Comment by Patrick from Astoria | 11.9.2007 | 4:46 pm

    Can I put in a reservation for one of those yurts?

  27. Comment by Kris | 11.9.2007 | 9:28 pm

    Friends of Fatty (aka lunatics of the asylum),

    Let’s give Fatty a welcome home present in the form of a boat-load of comments. I think we can reach 100. So now’s the time to comment on anything and everything. Warden Fatty is gone so, fellow inmates, let’s break this jail!

  28. Comment by fatty | 11.11.2007 | 6:32 pm

    Alright, who posted as “Fatty?” That wasn’t me. It was clever, but it wasn’t me.

  29. Comment by Kris | 11.11.2007 | 9:21 pm

    I confess, it was I. After posting it, I realized I should have used the name Eldon since you always post as Fatty and the post from “Travis” was addressed to Eldon so it would have tied in better. My bad. No malice intended – just fun and games. Feel free to edit the name.

    Welcome back! Looking forward to the tales from the Moab 2008 (er, St. George 2007) weekend.

  30. Comment by buckythedonkey | 11.12.2007 | 5:22 am

    > Gary … will be required to … kiss my ring.

    You’e asking for a lot on a first date there Elden.

  31. Comment by KT | 11.12.2007 | 10:29 am

    Gasp! I’m shocked! I’m troubled (that’s nothing new)! I’m deeply wounded that my hero, my inspiration, the reason I get on my bike and/or eat lots, has been implicated in a doping scandal! Woe! Woe!

    Whoa! :)

    And the rumors about being seen in the Dolomites…. please, tell me you didn’t come clean about that because of personal reasons! Please, tell me Susan got to go too!


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