This time of year is custom made for people like me to erase any fitness we’ve fought so hard for since early Spring.
First, there’s the lead-up to Halloween, which most people don’t realize is even worse than Halloween. Why? Because, as a considerate consumer, I feel it is my duty to go and buy all the trick-or-treat candy a couple weeks before Halloween, just to be prepared. And since I want to be popular with the kids, I buy the good stuff. No Jolly Ranchers, man. I give away Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and KitKat bars.
And then, of course, I eat all the candy before Halloween arrives, so I have to buy more candy the night before Halloween. And, sometimes, again on Halloween night.
Yes, I have a problem. You think I was being glib when named my blog “Fat Cyclist?” Ha.
Strangely, my children don’t have the same candy compulsion I have. After Halloween, they’re perfectly content to eat a couple pieces of candy per day. This, as far as I am concerned, is un-American behavior. So — always a patriot — I help them out by eating their candy for them.
Usually, my children stand back, horrified.
And of course it’s cooler weather, which makes me want to melt butter and cheese over everything I eat, including breakfast cereal.
And then there’s Thanksgiving, followed rapidly by Christmas and New Years. By the time this triple-whammy of holidays rolls around, I usually have given up. By January second, I’m starting over from scratch.
But this year, I’m going to do something different.
And you are too.
And the way I’m going to do this is by having a contest.
The six people who lose the most weight next week — Starting the morning of Monday, November 12 and going to the same time the following Monday, November 19, will get to choose a set of Ergon GP1s, GC2s, or GR2s. (Thanks to Jeff Kerkove and Ergon for volunteering the prizes.)
Yes, that’s right: we’re all going to compete against each other to see who can lose the most in one week. And the six who lose the most win these sweet grips, which retail for $30 - $50.
How to Enter
It’s too easy to start a diet and then quit, because you’ve got no skin in the game. So this contest has an entry fee. Specifically, if you want to play, you’ve first got to make a $10 (or more if you like) donation to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Then, when they email you the receipt, forward it along (feel free to delete any personal info) to me (email@example.com), along with your starting weight this Monday (November 12).
Then, the following Monday (November 19), email me your finishing weight.
I’ll then list how much we cumulatively lost in the blog, who the winners are, and how much we raised for the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
So, you’ll be getting your diet on track, you’ll be participating in a friendly competition, you’ll be contributing to a good cause, and you’ll possibly be winning some extremely cool grips.
Oh, by the way: I intend to defeat all of you.
You can use any diet you want, but you should be honest about how you weigh yourself. For example, if you drink a ton of water before you weigh yourself the first time, then get go on a two hour ride without drinking any water before you do your final weigh-in, that’s cheating. And you know it.
So: make your weigh-ins be at the same time of the day, under identical circumstances. For example, both my weigh-ins will be first thing in the morning, before I exercise or eat or drink anything. So any weight loss should be honest weight loss.
Also, don’t be dumb. If you’re dumb, you’re out of the contest. For example, if you starve yourself and have to go to the hospital because you swooned, that’s dumb.
Just so you know, I intend to use The Stunt Dietâ„¢ as my method to lose weight. This will be the second time I will do The Stunt Dietâ„¢, however, and I have modified it to be even stranger than before. Specifically:
- Monday: Nothing but Muesli. As much as I can stand.
- Tuesday: Nothing but yogurt. As much as I want / can stand. I hope to break my old record of twenty.
- Wednesday: Nothing but pasta with marinara sauce. As much as I can stand.
- Thursday: Nothing but fruit. Emphasis on bananas and grapefruit. As much as I can stand.
- Friday: Nothing but pasta with marinara sauce, again, because I’ve run out of ideas. And because I really love pasta and never get sick of it.
- Saturday: Nothing but protein shakes. As much as I can stand.
- Sunday: Nothing but chicken. As much as I can stand.
Also, every day I will drink at least a half-gallon of water.
My weight loss prediction: six pounds.
Are You In?
So, do you think you can beat me with your diet? Or, better yet, is there anyone in the whole world – aside from me, of course — brave enough to try the Stunt Dietâ„¢ with me?
Well, who’s in?