The Next Big Thing in Sports Nutrition

07.16.2008 | 7:52 am

A note from Fatty: The 2009 Fat Cyclist Jersey pre-order week continues. Click here for details on reserving this seriously sexy jersey for yourself so you don’t have to elbow someone else out of the way to get one when the jerseys arrive.

A couple of weeks ago, a group of us did my favorite road century: the Nebo Loop. It’s got everything: a nice warmup, followed by an incredibly challenging climb — about 18 miles and 5000 feet of climbing, if I remember right. Then a fast, open descent and a 40 mile return on the flats — a good opportunity to talk and work on your paceline skills.

It was really an excellent day. The group was well-matched, the weather cooperated (it didn’t get hot until toward the very end of the ride, and we had a mild tailwind most of the way home), and traffic was minor.

What really stood out for me, though, was my excellent choice in nutrition during the ride.

You see, the day before the ride, I realized I was low on gels and Clif Bars, so I dropped by the local REI on my way home from work (my local bike shop is waaaaay out of the way, so you can all just forget about busting my chops about not going to my LBS to buy Clif Bars).

What’s great about REI is the huge selection of sports nutrition. There must be three aisles full of every conceivable permutation of bar, gel, and powder. I grabbed a cart and started randomly tossing stuff in, thinking maybe I’d stumble onto a great new find.

And then, about halfway through, I ran into that find.

Well, two of those finds, actually:

  1. PowerBar Gel Blasts. I figured these were PowerBar’s answer to Clif Shot Bloks. Curious, I threw a couple packets of each flavor — Lemon and Cola — into the cart.
  2. Jelly Belly Sports Beans. I bought a couple packets of pretty much every flavor available.

What I Ate
So, back to the ride. Just before the ride, for some reason I gravitated toward the Sports Beans and Gel Blasts. I think it was because the packets sat flat in my jersey: I’ve got enough extra bulk, thank you, I don’t need stuff in my pockets further tightening my jersey.

And so, partway up the ride, I made two very important discoveries:

  1. PowerBar Gel Blasts are delicious. Specifically, the Cola Gel Blasts are delicious. They’re the same size as Shot Bloks, sure, but they really taste like cola. And they have exactly the same texture as gummy bears. And they have a cola-flavored liquid center. Kind of like a Tootsie Pop, except Tootsie Pops have a Tootsie Roll in the center, not cola. So I guess actually they’re not very similar at all.
  2. Jelly Belly Sports Beans are also delicious. You know what Sports Beans taste like? Jelly beans, that’s what.

I wonder if either of these companies really think they’re fooling anybody. Both these things look and taste like candy. And I’m pretty sure they have the same nutritional value, too. Oh, sure, Jelly Belly talks about adding vitamins and electrolytes, but I’m pretty confident that the boost I’m feeling from these is the sensation of pure simple sugar hitting my bloodstream, not the special blend of vitamins and electrolytes.

Anyway, when we descended down Nebo to the Wendy’s / gas station in Nephi, I got myself a children’s burger (had a hard time finding the burger in there to tell the truth) and a Coke Float.

And then I refilled my water bottles with Diet Coke with Lime.

And you know what? I felt great the whole ride.

Here’s an epiphany: Junk food works great as on-bike fuel.

Wave of the Future
So, to recap, I ate candy, ice cream, and drank soda for most of this very intense ride. But I never would have even considered doing this if PowerBar hadn’t packaged up gummy bears in an expensive foil pouch. Or if Jelly Belly hadn’t put a handful of jelly beans in a cellophane wrapper, called them sports beans, and charged me a dollar for them.

And I’ll bet I’m not alone here. I’m betting, in fact, that you too need to have your favorite junk food rebranded and repackaged so that you can eat it on your next bike ride, and still feel good about yourself.

For example:

  • Sports Coke. Really, this just needs to be regular Coke, but with less — or no — carbonation. In a year or so, they can come out with Sports Coke Lite, which will really be Diet Coke. It should come in Accelerade-ish bottles, with the wide mouth openings, so we can chug it (and more easily pour it down the fronts of our shirts). This is a billion dollar idea.
  • Reese’s Sports Peanut Butter Cups. You know what has lots of protein? Peanuts do, that’s what. They should maybe also throw in some rice puffs into the mix so they can claim they’ve got an ideal protein / carbohydrate blend. They should probably also tweak the packaging so it has a straw built in, allowing you to slurp the melted chocolate / peanut butter mess straight into your mouth. By the way, I’ve got a great idea for a commercial for this: A mountain biker is eating a chocolate bar while riding. A roadie is eating from a big tub of peanut butter while riding. At the juncture of the road and trail, they collide, hilariously. Helmets askew and collarbones popping out of their jerseys, they engage in the standard Reese’s advertising pitch, but with a twist: “You’ve got chocolate in my rear derailleur!” Sure-fire winner. I guarantee it.
  • Snicker’s Sports Bars. Oh, wait. That’s already been done.
  • Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Sport Chunk: Ben & Jerry’s needs to start collaborating with Camelbak to come up with a little freezer I can wear on my back. Because I promise you that during the months of July and August, if I could eat ice cream while riding my bike, there is no price I would not pay. Ben & Jerry’s wouldn’t even have to lie about the ice cream being good for you, really. I think I’d be suspicious of ice cream that’s supposed to be healthy; I’ve tried fat free ice cream before: yech. I want the good stuff; I just need a way to carry it with me.
  • Johnsonville Sports Bratwurst: OK, I have no idea how Johnsonville is going to try to convince me that there could possibly be a sports bratwurst. But I’d love to see them try.

Really, this is just the start. I’m guessing there are more than a few of you who wouldn’t be adverse to Budweiser Sports Beer. Or Sports Cheese.

Or — hear me out here — Sports Mayonnaise.

Hey, a man can dream, can’t he?


  1. Comment by Saraspin | 07.16.2008 | 8:05 am

    Mmmmmm… jelly beans with electrolytes and vitamins! Sport Coke… now that’s an idea. Did the same as you after Sunday’s ride at Sonic. Had a Coke Float. Didn’t have the usual collapse onto the couch afterwards. Excellent idea.

  2. Comment by Purduerose | 07.16.2008 | 8:05 am

    I don’t ride, but you should be able to eat junk food during any exersize. It would get me off my behind way more often!

  3. Comment by Gillian | 07.16.2008 | 8:19 am

    The Snickers power bar thing is awesome. Definitely still a huge candy bar, but awesome. After taking a four mile hike with a 14 pound baby strapped to me, this nursing mother had the big time shakes, and a Snickers Marathon was the first thing I grabbed. Instant sugar rush. Tasty.

  4. Comment by Lori | 07.16.2008 | 8:24 am

    I love junk food!!!

  5. Comment by Charlie | 07.16.2008 | 8:28 am

    The perfect Ben & Jerry’s sports recovery nutritional suplement already exists. Peanut Butter Cup sports ice cream.

    I defy you to open a pint and stop eating it before you can put it back in the freezer.

  6. Comment by regina | 07.16.2008 | 8:28 am

    and lets hear it for the belgium sports bar(technically just a ham sandwich but french baguette may be required). I love real food when I bike, one of my favorite things at the quickstopmart, chip and dip. while I cannot get behind a no carbonation coke, I can get behind the jelly belly sport beans the orange ones are so much better than regular jelly belly jelly beans.

  7. Comment by 331miles | 07.16.2008 | 8:44 am

    A cola-flavored sports drink would truly be a billion dollar product. I assure you that some marketing types have already evaluated this idea, and have obviously come to a different conclusion. P.S. Did you know that universities offer Bachelor of SCIENCE degrees in advertising / marketing? SCIENCE?!?

  8. Comment by 331miles | 07.16.2008 | 8:44 am

    A cola-flavored sports drink would truly be a billion dollar product. I assure you that some marketing types have already evaluated this idea, and have obviously come to a different conclusion. P.S. Did you know that universities offer Bachelor of SCIENCE degrees in advertising / marketing? SCIENCE?!?

  9. Comment by RosieRider | 07.16.2008 | 8:50 am

    You need to check out the Onion’s video about the new feedback option at fast food outlets. Completely in keeping with today’s post Fatty.

  10. Comment by Mel | 07.16.2008 | 8:57 am

    Pro-cyclists drink plenty of Coke – from today’s live Tour de France coverage on the BBC (nb: the BBC is a state-funded body and therefore is not permitted to advertise brands or products):

    “1450: Pereiro’s over the top and pulls out a can of a popular fizzy drink. The same one that Tom Boonen likes. If you follow me.”

  11. Comment by Shervyn | 07.16.2008 | 9:03 am

    Sports Cheese Whiz! Comes in a straw so all you have to do is suck it down. Oh man…my mouth is watering as I type this.

  12. Comment by graisseux | 07.16.2008 | 9:03 am

    Reminds me of the SNL commercial for “Cookie Dough Sport.” I don’t know anyone who couldn’t go for a mouthful of cookie dough when they’re all dehydrated and cotton-mouthed; it’s “cookie dough when you need it most.”

  13. Comment by Mark | 07.16.2008 | 9:05 am

    Don’t know if anyone else here will have seen this but in the UK, Snickers used to be called Marathon for years. Some time in the late 80s or early 90s, they changed the name to Snickers. I assume the “Snickers Marathon” bar is a nod to that for those of us who remember :-)

  14. Comment by montanapat | 07.16.2008 | 9:15 am

    One of our local breweries up here just came out with “SRB” Sports Recovery Beer. It is a light ginsing ale with a dash of caffiene added. As for junk food energy…Skittles always save the day for me.

  15. Comment by K | 07.16.2008 | 9:17 am

    OMG, I swear by those Jelly Belly Sports Beans. They don’t taste gross like Shot Bloks and they’re not strangely chewy.

    I am all over the sports coke and sports cheese! Sign me up!

  16. Comment by Kendall | 07.16.2008 | 9:20 am

    I love the sports beans. One of my friends has a jelly belly bean despenser – it looks like a giant jelly bean, and has a little hole with a cover you so you can dispense a couple of beans directly into your mouth at a time, and they don’t get sweaty or sticky in your jersey pocket. I don’t know where he got it from.

  17. Comment by buckythedonkey | 07.16.2008 | 9:24 am

    “New Marathon! Comes up peanuts slice after slice!”

    Really, did anybody actually eat a Marathon bar with a knife?

    Sport Beans rock. I did a 60-mile charity ride at the weekend which ended with a decent climb over Devil’s Dyke in the South Downs in the UK. For many in our group, Devil’s Dyke may as well have been the Alpe itself.

    All along the route I had been promising Sport Beans to those that made the foot of the Dyke. We made our last stop, the Beans were dispensed to the exhausted rabble (for a moment I confess that I felt like the old woman in Jack and the Beanstalk) and the hill was conquered. True, the Dyke was owned completely by all the riders.

    This should spread: Ben & Jerry Double Sport (Coke and Bean) Chunky Sorbet anybody? Just the thing to chase down that CarboBrat and Mayo you just ate.

    Sports Beer has already been done, at least until the peleton discovered amphetamines away back when.

  18. Comment by ann | 07.16.2008 | 9:25 am

    First YAY – I understand the CONTENT in addition to justloving the writing! YAY, I can relate to food, not to the bike part, the food part.

    Second – re the Diet Coke with Lime- the pre-limed stuff, in the can with the little faux limes all over it? – or A. pure Diet Coke PLUS b. real wedge of lime?

    I am in the second DC/lime category. Totally.
    Though, I guess if I were hurtling around on a bike, I might be convinced to use the pre-limed DC.

  19. Comment by buckythedonkey | 07.16.2008 | 9:29 am

    The dispenser is alled a Jelly Belly Bigbean. I hadn’t thought of putting one in my pocket before. I wonder if they do it in carbon. ;-)

  20. Comment by buckythedonkey | 07.16.2008 | 9:31 am

    Hmm, better link:

  21. Comment by RachelGio | 07.16.2008 | 9:31 am

    Sports Beans are my savior!!! Easy to eat (well, once you get the damn packet open! I just about killed myself last week trying to climb a mtn and open the damn packet! Ended up sorta masticating the cellophane…nice), tasty, cause you to salivate because they’re a little sour. And some of them even have (angels sing) CAFFEINE! My hero, Kathryn Bertine, is even sponsored by Sports Beans and if she’s at a race, she’s always chuckin’ beans at you. What could be better than free beans?

    I LOVE! you’re new take on the Reeses ad. Too funny!

  22. Comment by Tejvan Pettinger | 07.16.2008 | 9:33 am

    As long as a few vitamins are added to cakes and sweets it makes anything healthy right?

  23. Comment by Spiff | 07.16.2008 | 9:40 am

    Ooooh! How ’bout a sport avocado that comes already wrapped in Wonder bread!

    (I am also a fan of the Sport Beans – just not the orange flavored ones. They taste fine when I’m chillin’ at home, but in the middle of a long ride or run, they taste like poo.)

  24. Comment by Rocky | 07.16.2008 | 9:43 am

    It has been years since I bought anything sports-esqe, as far as food on the bike is concerned, simply because if discovered that not only does snack food taste better, but I remembered that back in the day, my biology professor pointed out that regardless of what goes in, it eventually ends up ADP (Botched is so gonna go all technical on me here) through the Krebs Cycle – the useable brand of energy that a body at work so badly needs. And let’s not forget calories. Snack food is loaded with ‘em.

    Little Debbie have simplified the process, all the while making food on the bike taste good, too. Here is a sample ride regimen:

    *3/4 water 1/4 Sierra Mist in the Camelbak – it tastes good and therefore I drink it, and it is a steady supply of glucose

    *Little Debbie fudge brownie

    *My own brand of gorp – peanut butter M&Ms, craisins, cashews, gummie bears (not the higher-priced variety that you tout – the real ones), and Jelly Bellies. I call it “Science” because it is. There is fat, sugar, carbohydrates, and lots of tasty, tasty edible goodness.

    Once in awhile I will carry a Carl’s Junior Western Bacon Cheeseburger on very long rides. Yum.

  25. Comment by Yvette Z. | 07.16.2008 | 9:46 am

    I vote for the Reese’s Sports Peanut Butter Cups because I love peanut butter! :)

    When I’m on rides, Payday bars are a nice treat- a good combination of sugar covered with salt.

    Honey Stinger Organic Energy Chews are really good too!

  26. Comment by Rachel | 07.16.2008 | 9:54 am

    You could ask Ben & Jerry’s to team up with the Dippin’ Dots people, who could translate B&J’s perfect flavors into small, easily consumable bits of ice cream either wrapped bonbon style in frozen chocolate or in individual minuscule ice packs slightly larger than shot bloks that you can squeeze into your mouth without stopping. Or just fill your camelback with lots of ice and stuff a Ben & Jerry’s pint behind it, then pull it out after the climb, stir, and drink like a shake. And don’t forget to patent your ideas. You could make a mint.

  27. Comment by UtRacerDad | 07.16.2008 | 9:59 am

    so they already have sports coke, it’s called Coke+, caffine, vitamins, and ginseng for energy and it’s already diet.

    You also now have “Sports Mountain Dew” they introduced 3 new flavors you could vote on, all of them are full of sugar, caffine, vitamins and ginseng, the winner of the online vote will get to stick around, but all 3 flavors are good, and they work really well on the bike. Try one of you haven’t already

  28. Comment by Mary Sue | 07.16.2008 | 10:01 am

    I was at the Jelly Belly factory earlier this month, and they have a version of the Sports Beans with CAFFEIENE! Which thrills me because, you know, electrolytes are all well and good, but I tend to ride at a speed more condusive to looking pretty than sweating.

  29. Comment by Jim | 07.16.2008 | 10:05 am

    I took one look at a power bar’s nutrition table and bought as many el cheapo muesli bars as I could. In terms of nutrition you can do almost as well with regular food over “sports” food.

  30. Comment by Jay Peitzer | 07.16.2008 | 10:15 am

    I’m still a traditionalist. For me it’s always been M&Ms raisins and bananas. After a ride pretty much anything goes. I had some rank Gatoraid type drink once and anything flavored while I’m riding still brings back memories of that. SO I pretty much stick to water and electrolite pills.But sports Coke sounds promising. Greg LaMond was rumored to have had a flask with flat Coke in it for the ends of races. Sugar and caffeine. Everyone has their drug of choice I guess.

    WIN SUSAN!!!!!

  31. Comment by Mocougfan | 07.16.2008 | 10:24 am


    Thanks a lot. You just cost me 15 minutes of my life. I haven’t had Biochem in 10 years. I had to stew over the difference between ATP and ADP and try to remember the chemical differences before Botched posted it. Fortunately it came back to me eventually.

    btw… it was fun to go down the slide with you and your two young ladies at the triathalon. Wish we could do it again.


  32. Comment by CarolynOnline | 07.16.2008 | 10:45 am

    You’ve lost your calling as a marketing genius.

  33. Comment by Heatherann | 07.16.2008 | 10:51 am

    Sign me up for the Ben and Jerry’s! That’s the best idea I’ve heard all year!!!

  34. Comment by 29er | 07.16.2008 | 10:53 am

    The sports beans are good but I like tootsie rolls the most! And now you’ve got me thinking… if I put dry ice in my camelbak would a snickers ice cream bar make it to the top of Wasatch Crest??

  35. Pingback by sports » Blog Archive » The Next Big Thing in Sports Nutrition | 07.16.2008 | 10:58 am

    [...] David Hinkle . Excerpt: What’s great about REI is the huge selection of sports nutrition. There must be three aisles full of every conceivable permutation of bar, gel, and powder. I grabbed a cart and started randomly tossing stuff in, thinking maybe I’d … [...]

  36. Comment by leroy | 07.16.2008 | 11:01 am

    Junk food is good fuel?

    Heck, junk food is one of the reasons to ride in the first place!

    When in Georgia, I plan my rides so that halfway through I’m near someplace that has a Coke Icee dispenser.

    And as anyone who has ridden New York’s TA Century can tell you, the endless tables of Krispy Kreme donuts at the first rest stop in Prospect Park have been known to induce tears of joy among jaded cynics.

    I saw Power Gel Blocks this weekend when stocking up or a ride, but didn’t get them. I may try them now though.

    FC — Weren’t you singing the praises of sports beans last Fall? I made a note to try whatever it was you were praising at the time, but can’t remember what it was.

  37. Comment by Big Bird | 07.16.2008 | 11:05 am

    Whole, healthy foods are great off the bike, but when I’m riding, I need sugar and lots of it. I’ve been training with Mike ‘n’ Ikes, home-baked cookies and Mountain Dew (Code Red) for years. Gels are more convenient, but they’re expensive–I save them for race day.

  38. Comment by Mike Roadie | 07.16.2008 | 11:08 am

    I actually work for THE mayonnaise people, so I’ll get them right on the Sport version……hmmmmm, maybe in conjuction with hte jelly beans folks……

    Can’t wait to try the Cola Gel Blasts… soon as the LBS gets them.

    Keep up the good work……we couldn’t be “fat” without you!!!

  39. Comment by KanyonKris | 07.16.2008 | 11:16 am

    My wife made some delicious Reeses cookies yesterday. A soft chocolate cookie wit ha min Reeses inside. Yummmm. The cookie protects the Reeses like the candy shell of M&Ms so I think they’d be bike friendly.

  40. Comment by rich | 07.16.2008 | 11:21 am

    I LOVE sport beans…we did the tour de cure recently and they were one of the sponsors – every rest stop had boxes of them.
    I also like to bring mike n ikes…..pure sugar and tart enough to cause your mouth to water which is good when you’re cotton mouthed on a hot day

  41. Comment by LittleChainring | 07.16.2008 | 11:24 am

    I’m holding out for the 29-inch Deep-V-dish sport pizza.

  42. Comment by fatty | 07.16.2008 | 11:41 am

    UtRacerDad – I’ve tried that Coke+ stuff. It’s nasty.

  43. Comment by sans auto | 07.16.2008 | 12:15 pm

    Being the total cheapwad that I am, i did a comparison to find the most calories for the price (except I don’t eat chocolate) and decided to use Payday candy bars as my primary on the bike for for my ride from Portland to SLC. 400 calories for under a dollar… how much does a powerbar cost?

  44. Comment by Miles Archer | 07.16.2008 | 12:32 pm

    They’ve tried the sports beer thing.

  45. Comment by thefutureofamerica | 07.16.2008 | 12:39 pm

    They already make sports mayonnaise – it’s called chamois butter.

  46. Comment by KeepYerBag | 07.16.2008 | 12:46 pm

    Carolyn Online: I don’t think Fatty’s missed his calling as a marketing genius at all. The proof is right here.

    Unlike most marketing geniuses, he’s uses his power for good!

    (I don’t think the mayonnaise thing will fly, though)

  47. Comment by Susan (another one) | 07.16.2008 | 12:55 pm

    Sport beans. Fruit Punch flavor. Get a TNI Bento Boxwhich which sits happily on your top tube. Put a couple of open bags o’ beans in there. Snack away!

    One caution: In a hard rain, they can become bean soup.

  48. Comment by bikemike | 07.16.2008 | 1:42 pm

    am currently working on the prototype version of “Sport Ribeye Steak-Baked Potato” gel pack. in my secret lab (kitchen) i’ve compressed a whole boneless ribeye steak and baked potato in their own easy to carry (zip-loc bag) and easy to consume (open zip-loc bag) packaging. it’s in the infant stages but seems to work pretty well in my test focus group (me). will keep you posted.

  49. Comment by blinddrew | 07.16.2008 | 2:09 pm

    Gutted! Twin Six don’t take debit cards. No FC jersey for me. :¬(
    Unless someone wants to buy one for me and i’ll paypal you in advance. anyone? mail me if you fancy helping me be the coolest dressed person on the yorkshire trails!

  50. Comment by DailyTri | 07.16.2008 | 2:43 pm

    Jelly Belly sponsors our Nature Valley Grand Prix King/Queen of the Hill with its Sports Beans in Minnesota. During the Grand Prix you can step off the curb without stepping on a bean. All good stuff!

    You left off “Nature Valley Sports Granola.” I’d give that a go. I’m just glad that at 43 I can eat my way to fitness. Where’s that infomercial been all this time?

  51. Comment by Jim Hart | 07.16.2008 | 3:10 pm

    I might be the only one who ever actually drank one of these (well, actually I think i drank 5). I found them in a cafe at a local lake..and have never seen them again. It should be easy enough to convince inbev to bring it back:

    Actually, really great tasting…. and the effect, not at all unlike red-bull and vodka.

  52. Comment by RB | 07.16.2008 | 4:11 pm

    My husband and I do a ride for a week every year in Vermont. We plan the ride this way: 30 miles stop at a brewery (or brew pub), ride another 20 miles another brewery. My husband calls this “carbo loading.” A beer seems to be great after a climb and make the subsequent one less bad. We seem to always manage a stop at Ben and Jerry’s after about 25 or 30 miles. “Earn your Pint.” The key is, you need to leave the kids somewhere else.

    By the way when we were younger my husband used to take spanish wine with some bubbles and mix it with juice and bring it on rides. This is a sports drink for July.

  53. Comment by Theresa | 07.16.2008 | 4:14 pm

    Free Samples sent to you. Hey all, try our slice of life adult gummy vitamin. Looks like a slice of fruit and tastes great! We are hearing from our sportsminded customers that they make great snacks are nutritious instead of candy, etc.

    There come in mult vitamin, B-12 for energy, COQ10, Vit C, Omega’s 3,6 or 9. Get a free sample of one or all, call our customer service number ZZZZZZZZZZZZ or email ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ask for free sample, include your name and ship address and how you heard about ZZZZZZ through this site.

    [A Note from Fatty: I edited out the contact info. Theresa, if you want to advertise on my site, you can email me and pay to advertise, just like everyone else.]

  54. Comment by Hamish A | 07.16.2008 | 4:39 pm

    In the UK we have something called a ‘Dime’ bar. It’s milk chocolate wrapped around really crunchy butter almond. It’s thin and takes up no space in a pack and tastes oh so good mid ride. Those things rock. I never can find them in California.

    I remember the Marathon bar Mark! Do you remember the furore that erupted when they decided to change the name? We’re a funny bunch us Brits :-)

    Dammit. Now I’m craving candy. But it’s nutritious now, right?

  55. Comment by Dan Gilliland | 07.16.2008 | 4:45 pm

    Have you had the Snickers Rhino bar. It’s a Red Bull candy bar that get you jacked. They’ve been testing them in San Diego. A couple of places have been blowing them out for $0.55 . Can’t beat that!

  56. Comment by Hamish A | 07.16.2008 | 4:46 pm

    I apologize for the double post. Poor form I know.

    I heard tale of a special Tour edition Coke that’s less carbonated so the riders can stomach it. I can’t find details anywhere but I’m pretty sure I saw a TV segment about it in the UK a few years ago.

    Fatty – drop me a line about the ice cream carrier. I have an idea :-D

  57. Comment by utracerdad | 07.16.2008 | 6:37 pm

    fatty – I didn’t say coke+ was good :), I said they stole your idea. On the other hand the Mt Dew flavors are all very good, can’t decide which one I like most.

  58. Comment by Di | 07.16.2008 | 6:41 pm

    You had me at…”Johnsonville Sports Bratwurst…

    “OK, I have no idea how Johnsonville is going to try to convince me that there could possibly be a sports bratwurst. But I’d love to see them try.”

    Now, we’ve been testing this in Michigan for quite some while. ;-) There is nothing like Johnsonville Beer N’ Brats washed down with some nice micro brew. I guarantee you’ll be ready to ride the next day. ;-)

    Can you believe I haven’t had a brat, yet, this summer!? Hmmmmm…that’s on my list for next week.

  59. Comment by aussie kev | 07.16.2008 | 6:55 pm

    sport cheese and sport chardonay awesome

  60. Comment by Philly Jen | 07.16.2008 | 7:15 pm

    Sports condiments? Oh yeah. Please pass the Iban Mayo…

  61. Comment by JoeP | 07.16.2008 | 8:06 pm

    You know I have a patent on single serving caffeinated bacon shots. You know you want it. Joe

  62. Comment by Walter | 07.16.2008 | 8:08 pm

    Love how today’s blog pic is thematically tied to the post — awesome. I’ve been totally addicted to shot bloks for a while, so these new cola thingies sound like they’re worth a try. Thanks for the tip!

  63. Comment by Misty | 07.16.2008 | 9:25 pm

    Honestly, I would’ve bought them – a bunch of them just because they called them “Sports Beans”! Now I have to find them!

  64. Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 07.16.2008 | 9:35 pm

    If your LBS is waaaaaay out of the way,….is it your “Local” bike shop? I can name three within 10 miles of your house. Just stirrin’ the terd again.

  65. Comment by Lifesgreat | 07.16.2008 | 9:48 pm

    Sports Cheetos! Actually those would gunk up the gloves and bar tape.

    I do my best rides running on Coke and Oreos.

  66. Comment by TrekMom | 07.16.2008 | 10:21 pm

    I love the sports beans! Last year on the ULCER, I opened up a pack of those babies when I was just about ready to bonk. Ten minutes later, my husband and riding buddy Clayton were yelling at me to wait up. Who needs Red Bull Wings when sports beans give you turbo power? Don’t give them to your kids, though–you have to scrape them off the ceiling…

  67. Comment by rick | 07.17.2008 | 4:56 am

    I honestly believe that the Snickers Marathon is the spawn of Satan. It’s so much like a candy bar that it should taste like a candy bar, not a mixture of sawdust and chocolate.

  68. Comment by Al Maviva | 07.17.2008 | 5:33 am

    Coke? Cheese? Jelly beans?

    Anybody who rides a fixed mountain bike could tell you, the only real sports drink is tequila, preferably warmed up to body temperature in the stainless steel flask you always keep in your back pocket in lieu of a flat wallet. Who needs to fix tires when you’re already flying?

    If you think tequila gives you superhuman strength, you’ve obviously never drunk 15 shots of it, smashed the bottle on your own forehead, and then challenged everybody in the bar to a fistfight.

    Let’s see you try that with Cytomax.



  69. Comment by Al Maviva | 07.17.2008 | 5:35 am


    If you >>don’t<<think tequila gives you superhuman strength

    Sorry, I was hitting the energy drink between threshold intervals this morning.

  70. Comment by Bryan Burns | 07.17.2008 | 7:28 am

    There is no substitue for Swedish Fish!

  71. Comment by Mr. Flynn | 07.17.2008 | 9:04 am

    I can’t go down the Powerbar Gel blast path with you. Nasty. In the shop 5 out of 6 of us thought they were fairly nasty. All of us tried the cola flavor, not the other.

    However, while in Utah, I am a fan of the Betos/Albertos breakfast burrito for a pre or post ride meal. If I thought that the bacterial content wouldn’t go through the roof while sitting in my jersey pocket I would bring one for a long ride.

  72. Comment by judi | 07.17.2008 | 9:10 am

    You made me laugh for the first time in days…..thanks Fatty.

  73. Comment by Maria | 07.17.2008 | 11:04 am

    Reeses Peanut Butter Sport Cups? OH YEA!

  74. Comment by KT | 07.17.2008 | 11:14 am

    Hmmmm…. Well, I can’t really get behind the Iban Sports Mayo or whatever you guys are calling it, although if it’s part of a Sport BLT, then totally count me in.

    I’ve been known to nosh on a Clif bar after a ride, followed by a good dinner and a couple of beers. That’s the key, I think.

    There’s a local brewpub here in Portland (appropriately named HUB– Hopworks Urban Brewpup) that makes a radler (needs umlauts over the a, but I don’t know how to do that)… it’s german for cyclist, and it’s a very tasy blend of beer and limon soda. I had it in Germany once, okay, several steins-worth, and it was so very tasty. Can’t wait to try the local version.

    HUB is also the only local brewpub with spare tubes, tools, and stand for fixing your bike– inside, no less, right next to the bar.

  75. Comment by Dave | 07.17.2008 | 11:15 am

    I’ve had similar thoughts on powergel and gu and why not just fill those little packets with frosting? It’s all sugar either way. Both frosting and powergels make my teeth hurt from all the sugar. Pillsbury already makes about a dozen flavors. Time for them to put them in individual easy open packets!

    I think the chocolate cream cheese would be a big seller.

  76. Comment by shaun | 07.17.2008 | 1:03 pm

    Ooh. ugh. i switched from a fancy-pants sport drink to regular old gatorade on a recent fast trail ride and almost puked from the sugar. Y’all must have iron stomachs!

  77. Comment by system7 | 07.17.2008 | 3:26 pm

    Currently riding daily loops on a small “island” along coast of South Carolina. It’s hot. It’s humid. You sweat bucketfuls. Your sweat tastes like seawater. Combine that with nightly beer drinking, and dehydration is a worry.

    Between 15 mile loops, I hit the mini mart for gatorade and salty snacks to keep the engine in balance.

    Ah, but which salty snack? So I check all the snickers, powerbars, etc., etc., and I’m disappointed about their relatively scant amount of sodium and potassium. But they’re all about the sugar, no doubt.

    I buy a something-or-other protein and alchemy special and a half hour later I’m still chewing the thing. I toss it and get back to my loops.

    Next day I snoop around a little more broadly and find – far afield from the performance foods – and find EXACTLY what I’m looking for. The ultimate fuel, and it’s from a highly scientific company named, uh, Little Debbie.

    Yeah, it’s the double-decker oatmeal cookie sandwich. It has 25% of the carbs an adult needs in a day, about as much fat (thankfully all saturated/no trans fats) as a Quarter Pounder, and about 18% of your sodium requirements — which is a lot more than you get from a bottle of gatorade.

    And it’s all brought to you by an adorable little redheaded girl.

  78. Comment by bubbaseadog | 07.17.2008 | 6:23 pm

    rice and beans and tortillas ,and then a small sonic banana split,,,

  79. Comment by Dobovedo | 07.18.2008 | 9:15 pm

    Sports this-n-that, yadda yadda yadda. All those things are overpriced and taste worse.

    Nothing beats a Snickers and Donut Gems on a long ride!

  80. Comment by Hilton Meyer | 07.19.2008 | 11:06 pm

    Before stumbling onto these concentrated bombs of energy I would make up a bag full of regular jelly beans, jelly babies and some nuts. This way I had something to break that sweetness and the salt helped with cramps

  81. Comment by Bill Basso | 07.20.2008 | 11:52 am

    Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie — the poor man’s power bar.

    Those sport bars and junk are nice, but who prices them? Niemann Marcus??? Sport Jelly beans are a buck a pack for like twenty. The cost of driving a bike per mile using sports candy is more expensive tan driving a hummer.

  82. Comment by Matt C | 07.29.2008 | 12:31 am

    Ok, I just came upon this which would be perfect fodder for Fatty humor, except for the fact that its real. I wonder if my cage would handle a 750ml bottle?

  83. Comment by Nutrition in Cycling | 08.12.2009 | 10:30 pm

    There are four nutrition periods for a cyclist when planning their cycling nutrition. These four periods include training, pre-race, post-race and non-race. You will only need to be concerned with fluids and calories for competition and training over an hour. If you compete in an ultra-distance event, you must also concern yourself with electrolytes.

  84. Pingback by Extreme Adventure News - Fat Cyclist: When All You Need Is A Little Laughter | 12.1.2010 | 1:41 pm

    [...] out The Next Big Thing In Sport’s Nutrition and his latest, The Bike Limiter, for a taste of the humor dished out.  You will quickly see why [...]


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