I Could Easily Do an Ironman

01.19.2010 | 8:50 am

As I believe I may have mentioned yesterday as I did the hard sell on the new Fat Cyclist Trainer (by the way, it’s still available, is beautiful, soft Merino wool, and looks every bit as awesome as you’d expect a Twin Six-designed trainer to look. Order Now !), The Runner and I were in St. George, Utah, last weekend.

Her purpose was simple: scout out the Ironman course, so she’d have a good idea of what she was in for this May.

My purpose was even simpler: to offer support, advice, commentary, and witty banter. And also to see if I could keep up.

The plan was to ride one lap of the loop part of the bike course (45 miles) on Saturday, then run a lap of the marathon course (a 13-mile out-and-back you do twice) the next day.

Along the way, I discovered something incredible: it would be easy to do an Ironman. I could do one right now, in fact.

I will explain.

Day 1: The Ride

We did not pre-swim the swim part of the Ironman, mainly because elevation gain and water density seem to be pretty consistent across reservoirs throughout the area (though I understand the water gets heavier when you get into Nevada).

Regardless, I think I could swim two miles easily. For one thing, anytime I get tired, I would just switch to the sidestroke, which I can do indefinitely. Or at least I could do it indefinitely the last time I tried it, which was — admittedly — about 28 years ago.

And then there’s always the backstroke, which you don’t even have to technically be conscious to do.

Sure, I may not be the first out of the water, but I’d get out. And then just consider what an awesome morale booster it would be for me to have all those people to pass once I got on the bike.

So, anyways, The Runner and I planned to ride one lap of the two-lap course on Saturday: 45 miles, which is not a big deal (the remaining miles for the bike course are made up of getting from the swim staging area to the loop, and then getting from the loop to the run staging area).

Here we are, about to begin the ride.


Seriously, could we be any more matchy-matchy? The answer to that question is, “Yes, if Fatty were to procure a Bento box.”

Which will never happen. Ever.

Back to my description of the ride. Oh, I haven’t started describing it yet? Ok, I’ll start now.

It’s an easy bike course, ideal for an Ironman. You may be waiting for a punchline here, but there isn’t one. Except for in one place (which I’ll describe in a moment), all the climbing is extremely mild — hardly noticeable, in fact. So while you do around 2500 feet of climbing per lap, you only notice it in one place.

That one place comes about 2/3 of the way through the loop, and even that climb isn’t too big of a deal: it’s 320 feet of climbing in 0.8 miles. We cruised up it without difficulty.

“That will probably be harder on the second lap,” I observed, as we got to the top.

“I think we should find out how much harder,” replied the Runner.

Yes, she was proposing changing the length of the ride — doubling it — partway through. To me this seemed like a breach of etiquette, but I agreed without argument, for the following reasons:

  • St. George is a magical place in the Winter. It’s a mere four-hour drive from Alpine, where I live, yet it is sunny and warm pretty much year round. This was the first time in well more than a month that I had been on my road bike, and I was so happy to be riding again.
  • We had only been riding for thirty miles or so and I hadn’t really gotten my fill.
  • A hot chick on a bike had just suggested we ride more.

We discovered, finishing the first lap, why this course really is ideal for an Ironman — the loop ends with a fifteen mile rolling descent. A perfect opportunity to recover, eat, and get rehydrated before the marathon.

I explained this to The Runner, who nodded at my sage advice with an air of a patient parent listening to a toddler explain why it’s a good idea to keep your shoes tied. Yes, it’s all true, but the likelihood of new information being presented is, shall we say, poor.

At the beginning of the second lap, I noticed something had changed. Specifically, I had changed. Instead of easily keeping up with The Runner, I found that I was gradually being dropped by her.

This was not cool.

Quickly, I corrected the situation. Not by going faster, but by coming up with reasons why I was going slower. These reasons consisted of:

  • The jacket I had put on at the beginning of the second lap was billowing out, causing excessive wind resistance.
  • The jacket was also making me too warm, but I could not shed it because I had gotten rid of my jersey and vest at the beginning of the lap, meaning I had on only a base layer under the jacket, and it is very form-fitting. Perhaps a little too form fitting. As in, it makes me look like a paunchy mime on a bike. Which is terrifying, believe me.
  • I had done most of the pulling on the first lap, so was entitled to be tired on the second lap. In reality, this is completely false; I had done no pulling whatsoever on the first lap. But I made a calculated wager that The Runner would see this assertion for what it was — a desperate ploy to protect my fragile ego — and would let it go. Which she did.

I made each of these points out loud. Most of them I made more than once. Except I didn’t say that I look like a paunchy mime on a bike.

As expected, the one difficult climb on the course was considerably more difficult the second time around. I believe it may also have been both steeper and longer, which was both unexpected and unwelcome.

Still, I loved the fact that even though I haven’t been riding much during the Winter, I can hop on my bike and ride a hundred miles without really killing myself.

A fact which I celebrated that evening by eating my weight in steak fajitas, then collapsing onto my bed by 8:00pm and falling asleep immediately.

Day 2: The Run

The next day we did a lap of the St. George Ironman marathon course. This is, by the way, a very peculiar course. It sends you out 6.5 miles, then has you retrace your route back to the beginning. And then you repeat yourself.

So you cross each point in the course four times.

Furthermore, it seems that the race organizers must have come up just a little bit short on distance when they made this course, because they have you turn right onto one street — a cul-de-sac — and run around it.

Meaning, naturally, that you will cross any given point in that cul-de-sac eight times during the course of the marathon. Which I believe qualifies you to apply for residency in St. George.

Luckily for me, this course is almost entirely up and down. You run up a giant hill for 3.5 miles, then you run down the other side for three miles. Then you turn around and run up (and then down) again. Rinse and repeat.

Since I have already established that I am no good at running on the flats, this suited me just fine. It made it possible for me to at least sorta-kinda hang with The Runner.

As we got close to the finish of running our 13.5 miles (we made a couple of wrong turns and added a little distance to the run, and The Runner wouldn’t agree to letting me stop at exactly 13 miles and having her come and get me with the car), I observed, “Wow, that final big climb is going to be a lot harder the second time you do it.”

Then I immediately followed up with, “And I am absolutely not going to find out how much harder.”

We finished the run — I am happy to say that I did not need to stop or walk even once, and am (so far) uninjured — after which we bookended the matchy-matchiness of the weekend with this photo:


Following this, we went to a restaurant where I ate my weight in hamburger, followed by eating my volume in french fries.

Yes, I know the physics of doing this are problematic. But this is my superpower, and superpowers trump physics, as you should already know.

Wherein I Reasonably Assert That I Could Do All Of This And A Lot More In One Day

The thing is, at no point during either of these days did I think to myself, “I’m toast. I’ve gotta quit.”

Nope, not even once.

I think, therefore, that it stands to reason that I could have ridden 26 more miles than I did. And that I could have turned around and done the run again. And that I could have done the swim thing, too.

Besides, I’m pretty sure that the swim is around the edge of the reservoir, so I think I could probably just wade it. And I am an excellent wader.

And I don’t think it’s such a big stretch to think that I could do all of that back-to-back, without resting for 12 hours between each event. I just did all that sleeping last weekend because I was drowsy.

I went to St. George thinking that it would be an excellent wake-up call, demonstrating that I needed to get myself together.

Instead, I discovered that an Ironman is no big deal, and I could do one right now, if I felt like it.

I just don’t feel like it, that’s all.


  1. Comment by bikemike | 01.19.2010 | 2:57 pm

    elden…ELDEN, wake up…wake up, man. you’re dreaming again and doing that dog walk thingy in your sleep where you’re on your back flailing your arms and legs.
    you were mumbling something about burgers and fajitas and wading. Holy cow, that was interesting.

    I think you need a shower and some caffine after a long nap like that. Maybe go for a short 2 mile run or something.

  2. Comment by MattC | 01.19.2010 | 2:57 pm

    Fatty…are you doing NO swimming pre-training whatsoever?? Hmmm….(as an experienced swimmer, and have done a few roughwater swims in Hawaii and got my varsity letter all 4 years in HS I believe I am qualified to say the following): You’re NUTS! Back in my Navy days we had a quarterly PT, which involved either a 1.5mi run or a 500yd swim. I was constantly amazed at the ’stallions’ (guys) who would see a woman swimming her PT and think to himself “if she can do it, then I can do better”. However said woman has been swimming awhile, and said stallion not. He’d hit the pool, do the first lap or 3 and then the arms turn to cement. Lie on his back and wish for a sail to hoist to get him thru. Many would fail in this endeavour (fail the PT that is). And thats only 500 yds. 2 miles is a significant distance.I haven’t swam in a year or more, and it would take me a few months of hardcore training to be comfy w/ a 2 mile swim (with any decent time I mean). Don’t underestimate the swim is my 2 cents worth…good luck.

    The important thing to note here is that I AM NOT DOING AN IRONMAN. Or any other triathlon. So I think I’ll be OK without the swimming training.

    I definitely plan, however, to sponsor a triathalon this year. – FC

  3. Comment by Spleen | 01.19.2010 | 2:59 pm

    I don’t feel like doing one either.

    Awesome! We should totally train together! – FC

  4. Comment by Matt | 01.19.2010 | 3:02 pm

    Reading this makes me tired.

  5. Comment by Patrick | 01.19.2010 | 3:28 pm

    May I rant for a bit please?

    There are some of us that are truly training our butts off for this specific Ironman, namely my wife and I, who are taking a much more humble approach to this and respecting the race for what it is. I have seen too many people not give it the respect that it requires and have gotten themselves into real trouble thinking that they could “do an Ironman easily”.

    If you think you can do it so easy then do it. Unfortunately St. George is sold out but find one and prove all of us that will be devoting 6 months of our lives, neglecting our families, friends and job wrong. Prove to us that there is no race specific training necessary, that Ironman is no big deal and not an accomplishment to be proud of.

  6. Comment by Todd | 01.19.2010 | 3:32 pm

    I love that people are taking this so seriously…it makes the whole post that much funnier!

  7. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.19.2010 | 3:35 pm

    Ah, yes, the Veyo Wall.

    You’re right, an Ironman is easy. I did one last week. No, I did 2 back-to-back.

    I need to get down to St. George for some riding. Dirt and/or road will be fine.

    Actually, the Veyo wall wasn’t a problem. Less than 200 feet of climbing in a mile. Easy even on the second pass. I don’t know the name of the really hard hill.

    Oh, and I did THREE Ironmen this morning. Before breakfast, and with only one bottle of Gatorade to drinlk. – FC

  8. Comment by Saso | 01.19.2010 | 3:35 pm

    Patrick: check out the dictionary for “self-irony”. Then read again.

    However, being outcycled by the Runner is closer to “self-deprecating”.

    Glad you had a good time, Elden.

  9. Comment by Andy | 01.19.2010 | 3:38 pm

    @Patrick, are you new to the site? It’s a humorous cycling-blog… Go back to “neglecting your family, friends and job”…

  10. Comment by NYCCarlos | 01.19.2010 | 3:41 pm


    I beg of you… stop running. My Girlfriend reads your blog occasionally and now she’s getting ideas like saying “Oh! You should come running with me this morning”… I DO NOT LIKE RUNNING. I DO NOT LIKE MORNINGS.


  11. Comment by Doug | 01.19.2010 | 3:44 pm

    There are a couple of adventure races in my neck of the woods I’ve always been keen to do but they involve 2 mile ocean swims and I never do any swim training they get put off (2 years running now).

    I figure no matter how tired you get on the bike or running you can always stop, swimming you sink …

    That said, go for it. I know all my favorite stories come from me not being prepared and getting through something anyway :)

  12. Comment by Lizzylou | 01.19.2010 | 3:46 pm

    I could probably go out and do an ironman too, but I also don’t feel like it. There are many things I don’t feel like doing right now; for example: skiing down the scary black diamond trails at the mountain. I’m fairly confident that I can make it to the bottom alive and in one piece… but I don’t feel like it.

    I am also fairly confident that I can ride my new Fuji with it’s stock men’s saddle all the way to the LBS to get a nice wide women’s seat. I think I could make it there alive and in one piece… but I don’t feel like it.

    Come train with Spleen and me! – FC

  13. Comment by Rodney | 01.19.2010 | 3:50 pm

    Come on Fatty. Matching bikes??

  14. Comment by Dan | 01.19.2010 | 3:53 pm

    I love it!
    I also said at one time I could do an IRONMAN! I said it so many times that I actually entered one. Yes, St. George here I come. Along with my wife, I also am training. But Patrick, whew! I know that the training is hard but WOW! Don’t take it so personal. Fatty, next time you are down put out a shout. I would love to ride the loops with you. It would be fun cause then we could be with two hot girls! That way I could have an excuse to start neglecting my family, friends and job.

    Hope to see you somewhere on May 1.

    If you wear FC gear, I’ll yell and jump for you like a full-on idiot. Even though I’m not. An idiot. Good luck in the race, you two crazy kids. – FC

  15. Comment by Turt99 | 01.19.2010 | 3:54 pm

    Wow, you sound like Lance :)


    “I don’t know I could be top three, top five or top 10, but anyway, I want to come and finish,” Armstrong said.

    I thought that was very bold statement. A little big on himself. I don’t doubt he would do well, but I thought it was a little funny.

    Great post though Fatty, I was waiting for a bigger punch line, but I’d be justifying myself the same way hehe.

  16. Comment by bubbaseadog | 01.19.2010 | 3:55 pm

    people are actually taking you seriously you sound so sincere and we all know that you dont have any iota of being serious. the runner however is. keep training with her keep her spirits high itll be a bond that should last forever…just remember one more hill into the valley and home

    The Runner is going to do great. That’s one thing I’m certain of. – FC

  17. Comment by Paulscarlett | 01.19.2010 | 3:56 pm

    Hey Fatty, my Bro won the first Triathlon he went in, and he was “a rider” like you. I think you should just jump in at the start and give it a go, imagine the bragging rights you will have when you beat the runner!!!

    p.s. a few prayers for mum please, she is not doing so well, and needs a boost

  18. Comment by Patrick | 01.19.2010 | 4:00 pm

    If this was the first time that Elden had brought up the idea of being able to race an Ironman easily then yes I would take it as tongue-n-cheek but it’s not. And the fact that he mentioned that there is no punchline, meaning that he truly believes what he is writing.

    This blog used to be very enjoyable. The well written stories about epic rides and the mishaps that ensued. Now it’s completely different and has turned into a man that I believe has gotten too big for his britches.

    I have purchased Fat Cyclist gear to support cancer research and proudly sport a Fat Cyclist sticker on my car but my fondness for Elden’s message and ego is wearing thin.

    OK, Patrick, here goes.

    The part about there being no punchline is the statement that the bike course is ideal for an Ironman. I’m calling out the lack of punchline because that is about the only statement in the entire post that I mean seriously. I really do believe that the 14 or so miles of rolling downhill will greatly benefit the competitors. It’s a good place to eat, drink, and recover before the second lap and especially before the marathon.

    If you’ll look at the structure of the post, here’s what happens:
    1. I make an outrageous assertion: that I can do an Ironman without working for it.
    2. I go on to disprove that assertion for the entire post. Such as: I’m so tired by the end of the ride I need a giant meal and a good night’s sleep before doing anything else. I am only able to run half the distance, after which I am completely beat and starved again. I make a weak excuse for not doing the swim AT ALL. In other words, I make an absurd assertion, and prove the absurdity thereof throughout. Really, it should be very clear.
    3. I make weak excuses about how these clear refutations of my assertion are actually confirmations of that assertion.
    4. I conclude with the weakest copout possible: I could do it…but I don’t want to.

    So what’s actually happening here, Patrick, is that I am showing how I COULDN’T do an Ironman without proper training. And by extension, I am complimenting the people — like The Runner — who are bringing themselves to such a point that they could.

    And yes, I’ve said before that I could do an Ironman without working for it. Have you ever been to a movie or watched a TV show where variations of the same joke get told several times? As if it were an ongoing joke? Do you think it’s possible I’m doing something like that here?

    I hope that this clears up the confusion, and that you will reconsider whether I am in fact too big for my britches. – FC

  19. Comment by Fat Cathy | 01.19.2010 | 4:02 pm

    Too funny. I think you SHOULD do an ironman, fatty. It will be fun. Great gobs of fun.

  20. Comment by XLHammy | 01.19.2010 | 4:03 pm

    Clearly, anyone who knows anything about matchy-matchiness when it comes to cycling would have made sure the sports drink within the bottle on each bike matched the trim color of the Fat Cyclist jersey worn by its rider.

    Fatty, yours was close enough, but The Runner? Seems to me this was a downright blatant attempt at simple cycling distraction which was surely enough to cause anyone to slow while pondering its ramifications within the larger universe, not to mention blog-oriented photography.

  21. Comment by John | 01.19.2010 | 4:11 pm

    I’ve completed two IM’s and will also be doing the St George IM…and I agree. You can do an IM and I’d love to see how much money you could raise doing it.

    Set up a fundraiser for the IM Championship Hawaii in October and I’m sure you could get one of the coveted VIP slots. Seriously.

    Here’s how it works – you have 17 hours to finish (7am to midnight) but you won’t need all that.

    Lets figure an even 2 hours for the swim (about 1:15 is average, even poor swimmers get out in about 1:45)

    Ok – now you clean up on the bike. If you really worked it you could probably come close to 5 hours depending on the course…I did 5:35 at IM Arizona and it took me 1:28 for my best lap at 24hrs of Moab which was way behind you)
    Call it 5:30 bike split

    Even allowing for transitions you will be putting on you running shoes in less than 8 hours. That means you have 9 hours to finish a marathon. The rule-of-thumb for an IM Marathon is add 30 minutes (1 min/mile) to your straight marathon…which we all KNOW will be less than 4:38. Figure a few breaks to update the blog and you are still looking at 5:30.

    To review
    Swim 2 hours
    Bike 5.5 hours
    Mary 5.5 hours

    This brings you in under 13 hours – a perfectly respectable time. If you can make it to the pool a few times a week you would probably be looking more at 12 hours…

    See you at the starting line…

  22. Comment by erik | 01.19.2010 | 4:30 pm

    Why aren’t you wearing your pink Team Fatty Jersey and white Team Fatty Arm Warmers?

    I like all my jerseys — both the orange and the pink ones. I’m not wearing armwarmers because I’m wearing a black Smartwool baselayer. – FC

  23. Comment by Joel P. | 01.19.2010 | 4:44 pm

    So how do we join Team Fatty “I AM NOT DOING AN IRONMAN” and exactly what is the training schedule.
    Joel P.

    you’ve joined it and YOU ARE TRAINING RIGHT NOW. – FC

  24. Comment by MattC | 01.19.2010 | 4:49 pm

    Sorry Fatty…guess I was confused…I thought you were doing the same event ‘The Runner’ was..and here you are scoping out the Ironman with her…(I knew you were running a marathon..I thought maybe I missed something and you were actually doing the Ironman w/ her). I hereby take back my “You’re NUTS” remark.

  25. Comment by Weaky6 | 01.19.2010 | 4:51 pm

    @Rodney and @Fatty: Oh my, yes, the matching bikes. Now, do you have matching undies on also? DUDE, I remember you getting a free ride from a certain team whom tend to fight cancer and all that good stuff. Where’s the Trek love?

    A lot of good companies have helped me raise money to fight cancer. For example, Orbea and Shimano teamed up last year and helped us raise north of $140K in a couple weeks. And set me up with a very nice bike of my own. – FC

  26. Comment by Susie | 01.19.2010 | 4:52 pm

    Dude! (patrick) Lighten up already! It’s all in good fun…Elden, I really do think you COULD do an ironman tomorrow…and hey, i’ve been running for two years, like to look at bikes, and think swimming is fabulous exercise (just not for me), so maybe i’ll join you!

  27. Comment by Seattlegirlz | 01.19.2010 | 5:04 pm

    wow… now I just wanna see fatty compete against patrick in his first ironman :) go fatty. Kona bound? It’s beautiful in October.

  28. Comment by sllym | 01.19.2010 | 5:14 pm

    Are cake-shakes part of the recovery plan for not training for an Ironman? If so – I’m in!

    No, cake shakes are part of the training itself! Drink one: you’re training. Nice work! – FC

  29. Comment by Bisso | 01.19.2010 | 5:20 pm

    Enough with the training talk – i am just thinking eating “…my volume in french fries”. THAT is a feat worthy of a finisher’s t-shirt

    I wonder what my volume is. Probably the best way to find out would be to dip me in a large container full of french fries. My volume is the amount that spills out. Then I would eat the ones that fell out, just to prove a point. I’m gonna need a big bucket of fry sauce, though. – FC

  30. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.19.2010 | 5:35 pm

    Elden, I had forgotten about the climb you’re talking about, but now I remember – it is before the Veyo Wall, a climb up out of the creek bottom.

    I did mostly the same route you did as part of the Cactus Hugger Century a few years back. I really liked that part of the ride.

    I did another Ironman while reading your comment. – FC

  31. Comment by Ryan in the Rock | 01.19.2010 | 5:42 pm

    This post reminds me of my grade school days on the playground. I am going to jump of the swings and grab the jungle gym while doing the tarzan yell…only if “She” is watching. “The Runner” has really spiked your kool-aid!

  32. Comment by The Runner | 01.19.2010 | 5:42 pm

    Oh Patrick….I really hate to tell you this, but Fatty could really do an ironman-this May if he chose to do it!
    He is a far superior biker than me, can easily keep up with me on the run and for the swim….I suck, but I think I can pull it off. If Fatty decided to dedicate a little of his training time in the pool, he could do it…he would be slow, but could finish in the alloted time frame. (John hit the nail on the head in his previous comment!)
    I think you are grossly UNDER estimating Fatty’s fitness level. Have you forgotten that Fatty has completed the Leadville100 endurance mtn bike race 12 times and recently rode with Team Radioshack???
    Im sorry that you have neglected your friends and family in pursuit of doing an Ironman. I hope you find it to be worthwhile. My take on endurance events is to have fun, make friends and better myself.
    Good luck Patrick on your Ironman endeavors. I hope it brings you much happiness.

    You know what’s sexy? When a woman comes to the defense of her man. That’s sexy. – FC

  33. Comment by Bruce E | 01.19.2010 | 5:43 pm

    Patrick, you are being way to serious. FC includes a lot of snark. Like in this post about Dug at Lotoja: http://tinyurl.com/ya5rud8

    My favorite line is: “And once I headed down the backside, I descended alone, and even rode about 5-10 miles of valley alone before I got swept up in a very large group [OK, I'll bite, again: How large was it? -FC], where I could finally get some shelter. [Like a yurt? -FC]”

    Just do your event. Cause it is what you chose.

  34. Comment by dug | 01.19.2010 | 5:47 pm

    generally, i neglect my family, friends, and job.

    i’m thinking of taking a break from neglecting them just to see if i can do an ironman without showing the damn thing any respect at all, deserved or not.

    humbly, of course.

  35. Comment by Sasha | 01.19.2010 | 5:53 pm

    Oh Fatty. Now you MUST do an Ironman. Do I hear any bets on finishing times? :)

    I wish I could eat my weight in chocolate and not gain any weight. And judging by the photos, I highly doubt you look like a paunchy mime. You are fit Mr. Fatty. I only call you Fatty cause well, you’re the FatCyclist, but you are no longer fat.

    Waiting to hear when you are going to do an Ironman and which one.

  36. Comment by Sasha | 01.19.2010 | 5:56 pm

    OMW! Just realized THE RUNNER herself posted. :) I am such a fan! Yay. More from The Runner! Please!

    And woot, you go girl. I think we all have underestimated Fatty’s fitness level (the marathon as a case in point though, that has a lot of pounding of joints in it compared to the bike, so I was more worried about joint injury or shin splints, or something like that than actual fitness).

    My day is complete. A blog from Fatty and a post from The Runner. :) I think you should both do the Kona Ironman. :)

  37. Comment by Sasha | 01.19.2010 | 5:57 pm

    Oops, one last post. Sorry. Unless the Kona Ironman interferes with Austin Livestrong 2010. Then please don’t do that one. :)

  38. Comment by Kathy McElhaney | 01.19.2010 | 6:06 pm

    Two guys caught and ran with me on Saturday. They’re training for marathons and wanted to know if I was. I now have my answer. I’m training for the “Fatty I-Don’t-Feel-Like-Doing-It Ironman”!

    I’d rather eat my weight in chocolate, though…

    It takes a lot of training to get to the point where you can eat your weight in chocolate. Better get started NOW. – FC

  39. Comment by JeffF | 01.19.2010 | 6:11 pm

    Read your comment to the comments – “Oh, and I did THREE Ironmen this morning. Before breakfast, and with only one bottle of Gatorade to drinlk. – FC”

    …started to worry that I may be reading the personal’s rather than your blog.

    I’m guessing participants in these competitions don’t actually use the phrase “I do ironmen”…for good reason.

    I believe you have just made an excellent point. – FC

  40. Comment by Lisa | 01.19.2010 | 6:42 pm

    Fatty: I was worried about you a few postings ago when everyone else freaked out also and then you took bets. So, I waited and worried. Today, I’m so happy for you and I get it, especially after The Runner’s posting. Sorry I underestimated you. It’s great that you share your journey and even classier that you so kindly helped explain to others, like Patrick how your writing, humor and thinking works.

    @Patrick: Just happened to hear about someone who did get too big for his britches. It’s a hoot and might give you some of the humor you were seeking here. WhiteHouseTapes.org Transcript+Audio clip Aug. 9, 1964 http://bit.ly/zYzyp

    The Runner: YOU ROCK. Right on. And, on top of that, scientific studies support your great balanced take on your passion for endurance events. All the best to you in your Ironman!

    From: The Good Life Blog: Passion and Positive Psychology | Psychology Today http://bit.ly/63H8Jz

    Excerpt: The researchers used “…a self-report scale to measure passion, and its important wrinkle is the distinction between two types of passion, a “healthy’ type that Vallerand dubs harmonious passion and an “unhealthy” type that he labels obsessive passion.

    Although distinguishable, they can co-occur and – interestingly – both contribute to one’s self-image. The difference is that a harmonious passion has no psychological strings attached other than its enjoyment….

    …Not surprisingly, harmonious passion is linked to the usual suspects that comprise the psychological good life: positive affect, life satisfaction, physical health, and good performance (at the passionate activity).

    Obsessive passion in general shows the opposite pattern of correlates and furthermore can interfere with social relationships….

    …What makes a passion obsessive is that it actually gets in the way of itself. A hobbled jogger is not much of a jogger and will become ever less so as his or her jogging continues….

    …In sum, passions make life worth living but need to be pursued in ways that sustain themselves.

    That passions can entail sacrifice actually define them as passions. They are healthy when the sacrifice is as freely undertaken as the activity itself and does not undercut the goal of the passionate activity.

    That passions may strike others as irrational is irrelevant in describing them as harmonious or obsessive, healthy or unhealthy. After all, passions are personal and what matters about our passions is whether they make sense to us.”

  41. Comment by Joel P. | 01.19.2010 | 6:46 pm

    Where’s skippy?

  42. Comment by Bruce Bebow | 01.19.2010 | 7:33 pm

    Twin Orbeas. That’s dead sexy.

  43. Comment by Frank | 01.19.2010 | 7:43 pm

    Well, maybe you should do an ironman. Then you can take my bet. I donated to your favorite charity so why are you so aversive to donating to mine?

    Because I’m scared, Frank. So very, very scared. – FC

  44. Comment by Chris B | 01.19.2010 | 7:56 pm

    Great post. You caught a lot of fish there. Why the Bento Box hate though. I love mine, especially as it hides all the spacers on my stem.

    I don’t particularly dislike the Bento box. I’m just waiting for when they finally come out with a Mentos box. Those things are delicious! – FC

  45. Comment by Marlys | 01.19.2010 | 8:21 pm

    This site is so informing, entertaining and hilarious! I absolutely love it – and your zest for life. Had your cholesterol checked lately from all those french fries and hamburger/steaks?

  46. Comment by Heidi | 01.19.2010 | 9:09 pm

    Hee, I can see it now. In your golden years, the two of you will keep in shape by mall-walking – wearing matching mint green velour jogging suits, of course.

  47. Comment by judi | 01.19.2010 | 9:16 pm

    go for it fatty. there are still slots for IMKY in august!

  48. Comment by Heidi | 01.19.2010 | 9:24 pm

    Oh, and Patrick needs a hug.

  49. Comment by rie | 01.19.2010 | 9:25 pm

    Gorgeous pair of bikes. *drool* I’ll go back and read the rest of your post now. :)

  50. Comment by Karrie | 01.19.2010 | 9:25 pm

    You could do an ironman- the race itself is easy- its a catered workout. Its the training that sucks!

    BTW- you two are super cute together!

  51. Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 01.19.2010 | 9:36 pm

    It’s not the ridiculously long swim or ride or run that kills you, it’s the 15 minutes of the new discipline immediately after the old disciplie that will kill you.

    At the end of the swim all the blood is in your arms when you need it in your legs.

    At the end of the ride all the blood is in your quads when you need it in your hamstrings and calves.

    More importantly, all the blood should be in your head so your brain can tell you to drink beer and cheer for someone less wise than yourself.

  52. Comment by Eryn | 01.19.2010 | 9:46 pm

    Where’s the Madone?

    It’s taking the picture. – FC

  53. Comment by Sasha | 01.19.2010 | 10:05 pm

    Haha Love Big Mike in Oz observations! :)

    Patrick needs more than a hug, he needs to get a sense of humor, stat. If training for an Ironman causes such angst, I don’t think you should do it. Actually, I think he needs some chocolate. It does wonders for your mood. :)

    Think I’m setting a record for numbers of posts. :)

  54. Comment by Isela | 01.19.2010 | 10:10 pm

    hehehe, Fatty great post. As I am now training for my first half ironman, I can’t help but laugh at how you describe the entire thing, just what I needed right now :). You are hilarious man! Thanks!

  55. Comment by mzadvntr | 01.19.2010 | 10:12 pm

    Hahahaha, whoooooo (catcthing breath, wiping tears from my eyes). Oh, the comments are ripe, esp where you have to EXPLAIN the humor of your post. Classic. I too am training for absolutley not doing a Triathlon as well. It’s grueling. I think I need a rest day.

  56. Comment by John | 01.19.2010 | 10:22 pm

    Great post Fatty, and a great photo of you Tweedledee.

    Patrick, lighten up.

  57. Comment by DCRainmaker | 01.19.2010 | 10:41 pm

    While not nessessarily serious, as someone who’s done a few Ironman races, I’m relatively certain that you could actually convert over and ‘finish’ an Ironman without a significant toll to pay. Now, it’s important to deliniate between ‘finish’ and ‘race’ an Ironman, as they are two entirely different things.

    To finish is to meet all the time cut-offs put in place. Which, if you’re a fairly decent cyclist (and you are), this isn’t a terribly tough task in all honesty. The vast majority of athletic people with functional swimming can actually propel themselves through 2.4 miles in 2 hrs and 20 minutes. If you’re a good cyclist then you’d likely be able to do between 5.5 and 7 hours for the bike, leaving you with somewhere between 7 and 9 hours for the run – depending on your swim/bike splits. The reality is that you could actually walk (and thus ‘finish’) a marathon in that timeframe…and thus finish an Ironman in 17 hours.

    Now, the same is not at all true for good swimmers (with no cycling skills), or even good runners (with no cycling skills). Nor is it true for anyone else left with a tough bike outlook. I know it pains folks who train very hard to finish to see others be able to finish with less work, but the unfortunate reality is that people are built differently. For the same reason that Lance can casually aim for a Top 10 finish, you can casually aim to finish (all your jokes aside). If we were all built the same, than you and I would both be targetting London 2012..but we’re not.

    Again, just my two cents, and I’m others disagree, but that’s alright.

  58. Comment by David | 01.19.2010 | 10:43 pm

    Fatty you know 70.3 is only half of a Ironman Tri, right?

    Yes, but did YOU know that 8.270588235294118 is only 1/17 of an Ironman Tri? – FC

  59. Comment by Jenny From The Block | 01.19.2010 | 10:51 pm

    Of course you could and should do an Ironman. For a Fat Cyclist you are working way too hard. Riding that bike with fat tires in the woods with no feed stops! Ironman is an all day long buffet. Imagine what you could fill your special needs bags with! Since you are a celebrity I’m sure you could go straight to Kona. You and Lance could have some sort of duel.

  60. Comment by Daniel | 01.19.2010 | 11:16 pm

    Rainmaker is right. You could do it, Fatty. Have you ever been to an Ironman? It’s an amazing experience just to be there. Go support The Runner and then come back and tell us you don’t want to try it. :)

    I worked an aid station at an Ironman once — at the inaugural (and only) Provo UT Ironman. It was in fact an awesome experience, and I signed up to be in the Ironman the following year. Unfortunately (?) Provo lost the Ironman and my registration was refunded. I haven’t signed up since. I think it’s obvious that someday I probably will do one, though.

    And I will definitely be there to support The Runner this year; I honestly have lost sleep thinking about this race for her. I’m that excited. – FC

  61. Comment by cloud19th | 01.19.2010 | 11:31 pm

    sounds like you need some training on that fry sauce. If you’re going to be a TRUE ironman, you’re going to have to mix mayo, ketchup AND mustard.

  62. Comment by Jodi J. | 01.19.2010 | 11:34 pm

    I think its great that you are even considering doing an Ironman! My husband’s cousins (nurses in Utah!) have been doing them for a few years now. One of them did the Kona Ironman in 2009 and was smokin! I applaud anyone who can have the dedication and commitment to that level of fitness. Go Fatty and The Runner!

  63. Comment by Razor | 01.19.2010 | 11:38 pm

    If The Runner continues to ride better than you, Fatty, I recommend some EPO. Ask a Specialist Peadiatrician for some. It works for others.

  64. Comment by MVSC | 01.20.2010 | 12:38 am

    Real Ironmen fill their water bottles with fry sauce.

  65. Comment by skippy | 01.20.2010 | 2:04 am

    WOW a fan club, came to play in your sandpit being a newbie to all this blogging! Yet I see a few folks already tossing their toys out of the pram!

    One of your heroes gave $US250 big ones to Haiti so incorrectly thought there were some serious folk in this play area.

    Joel I gather was kind enough to ask after me so here I am reminding you my play area is concern for “Physically Challenged” some of whom come from the good old USA.

    Find me on http://www.parrabuddy.blogspot.com and follow http://www.twitter.com/skippydetour you can send messages of support to skippi@ausi.com, guaranteed replies!

    Patrick also found a fan club and Fatty was gracious enough to send some valid observations as did Runner, well we know they have the right way of dealing with people!

    Where was I , well do have a life elsewhere but enjoy being entertained so jump into test the water from time to time!

    Sunny outside time to walk up the piste now that I have addressed my fan club of 9 + fatty followers

  66. Comment by Jenn | 01.20.2010 | 3:04 am

    RE: “Hee, I can see it now. In your golden years, the two of you will keep in shape by mall-walking – wearing matching mint green velour jogging suits, of course.”

    Coke Zero up my nose and all over the front of my shirt. The ‘mint green velour’ did it. Thanks for that, Heidi. Oh, and I laughed a little at your post, too, Fatty (verbal french fries the too-big-for-britches ego). So, so, SO love this site.

  67. Comment by Grueny | 01.20.2010 | 3:13 am

    I’d laugh, but it’s that kind of blind stupidity, no, wait … blind DETERMINATION that’s gonna cost me a whole lot of $26.20’s when you do the marathon in February.

  68. Comment by lorianne | 01.20.2010 | 4:08 am

    Fatty, I have been reading your blog for a few years, I think I came across it when my husband and I participated in Philly LiveStrong in 2006 and 2007. I really enjoy reading—-excellent! Patrick—lighten up.

  69. Comment by Niall@Brisvegas | 01.20.2010 | 4:34 am

    Looking at the pic of the two of you “about to begin the ride” it is clear why you fell behind. You appear to be wearing glossy wellington boots or some other footwear highly unsuited to riding like a pro (which of course after Tuscon you are!). Admittedly The Runner is wearing, well…er…runners, but even they are better than shiny gumboots. Secondly The Runner has headphones. These serve at least two purposes. They can:

    1. Provide motivational sound encouraging faster pace; and

    2. Block out various hypotheses about why a megastar blogger is getting dropped by a hot chick.

    That said you run further than I do (my workmates tell everyone that I was the inspiration by the main character in the movie, “Run, Fat Boy, Run!”). And I refuse to even contemplate a swim of 2.4 miles.

  70. Comment by Go Cycling | 01.20.2010 | 5:38 am

    I’ve been stressing of late that I have no mojo. I don’t feel like riding much and I enjoy my running but have to kick my own butt to get out the door. Then I realised…I’m in training with Fatty for the Ironman.
    Thank you for restoring my mojo!

  71. Comment by sprty | 01.20.2010 | 5:44 am

    Fatty, the Runner’s bike looks bigger than yours :)

    And you know what? The Runner is constantly asserting she is taller than I am, too. For the record, our bikes are the same size, and we are within millimeters of the same height (I think I’ve got her edged in actual height, but since she has hair she often appears to be taller than I am). – FC

  72. Comment by Mike Roadie | 01.20.2010 | 7:17 am

    Gonna miss you, Patrick…………..Not!

  73. Comment by Eric Benjamin | 01.20.2010 | 7:40 am

    I have neglected my family, friends, and job just to read this blog. I just found it late 2009 while at work and reading 250,000 posts takes some time. I read it between bike rides. I haven’t done any work at work for weeks now. I may lose my job because of this blog. Oh well, I don’t like it here anyway. And yes, I am at work typing this.

    Wow, you’ve really been training! – FC

  74. Comment by Slowtrain | 01.20.2010 | 7:48 am

    Great post, Fatty. Too bad some people don’t understand satire and iron-y.

  75. Comment by ump32 | 01.20.2010 | 8:01 am

    Where’s the new Trek Madone? Already given up on it?

    Love reading…

    I tried riding more than one bike at a time for a while, but it was surprisingly difficult. – FC

  76. Comment by shaun | 01.20.2010 | 8:18 am

    Do not meddle in the affairs of triathletes for they are subtle and quick to anger.

    Don’t draft them either.

  77. Comment by SSGOTU | 01.20.2010 | 8:28 am

    Really… NO! You’ve been listening to Lance too much. I can also do a century after months off the bike, and crank out a half marathon with little to know worries. However I did my first Ironman last summer and even with eleven workouts a week for six months it was the hardest thing I ever did. FABULOUS! But fracking hard. Your body starts to do stuff in most people have only read about in books. DO IT! Then brag… for life!

  78. Comment by erik | 01.20.2010 | 8:45 am

    I just joined the Team Fatty “I AM NOT DOING AN IRONMAN” program. Wish me luck.

  79. Comment by Jenni Laurita | 01.20.2010 | 9:03 am

    Fatty, oh Fatty, whatever this tri thing is you might be planning, please include a toddler course option for the rest of us.

  80. Comment by Patrick | 01.20.2010 | 9:11 am

    Something tells me that you guys didn’t like my comments but let’s put away the torches and pitchforks.

    I think that the satire that apparently was intended in the article was poorly delivered as well as poorly received on my end.

    And I’m always up for a hug.

    Totally agreed. – FC

  81. Comment by Kathleen Lisson | 01.20.2010 | 9:34 am

    Looking forward to reading more posts from the Runner! Fatty, isn’t it great to have another athlete in your life. We get to be excited about our races AND their races. Double the competition without any overtraining!

  82. Comment by SuomiTri | 01.20.2010 | 9:40 am

    Fatty, even though Ironman SG is sold out, you can probably still get a sponsor slot. My buddy at Timex is the sponsorship manager and he may still have a few slots to hand out. Email me and I’ll ask him.

  83. Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 01.20.2010 | 9:51 am

    Very happy to hear you don’t feel like doing one. Because we’d miss you. A lot.

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  85. Comment by eileen | 01.20.2010 | 10:18 am

    Thank you for confirming the “I just don’t feel like it” mantra of xtreme endurance athletes everywhere!! (okay, maybe just lazy, lazy me)

  86. Comment by costalrider | 01.20.2010 | 10:36 am

    Well Fatty, you don’t look too big for your britches, in fact, I’ve never seen you look less big for your britches (at least not in the middle of winter). Are we going to have to start calling you Fitty?

  87. Comment by jilrubia | 01.20.2010 | 11:03 am

    I am eating a bag of seasoned croutons with a side of Oreo doublestuff middles. Think I’m on track to join the new Team Fatty IANDAI.

    As a pretty nearly non-athlete can I just say that if you aren’t doing an ironman for fun or on a whim or a bet, you are crazy. Oh, and if respect must be demanded, it’s already lost. (Learned that from a crappy substitute teacher in jr. high) Good luck all you crazies!

  88. Comment by beerbiker | 01.20.2010 | 11:11 am

    Hey you GUYs look like ‘ TWINKLE TWINS ‘ we the gear and bikes.
    Have fun and enjoy yourselves, and Just Do It.

  89. Comment by jilrubia | 01.20.2010 | 11:47 am

    Two clarifications:

    1) should be “double stuf”

    2) No disrespect meant to the people who train for such demanding physical feats, like an ironman. I’m just saying that if you don’t do that stuff, it’s hard to imagine why would you even dare if you didn’t think you COULD and it would bring some enjoyment. Really though, admit it, there is a little bit of crazy in there…

    Gotta go eat some blueberry muffin cake. :~)

  90. Comment by Jim Sheafer | 01.20.2010 | 12:01 pm

    “But this is my superpower, and superpowers trump physics, as you should already know.”

    That needs to be the secret message on the next FC Jersey.Both inspiring and appropriate!


  91. Comment by Annie | 01.20.2010 | 12:08 pm

    I just have to say that I have found my new home! You always find a way to make my day brighter. I am hoping that I will not fall off of my bike when I finally get to climb back into the saddle. You have given me hope that I will be OK!

  92. Comment by fish | 01.20.2010 | 12:20 pm

    If I can finish an Ironman, anyone can. I’m hoping Dug will sign up for IMSG – he could back stroke it and be fine.

    Second, I am hoping to be allowed to repeat my part in the triathalon you sponsor this year. I’m thinking BBQ pulled pork in addition to the brats.

  93. Comment by Patrick | 01.20.2010 | 12:26 pm

    @The Runner

    I never eluded to the idea that Fatty could not finish an Ironman. The opposite is actually true. I have little doubt that he couldn’t finish if he could get out of the water before the cut off.

  94. Comment by Matt | 01.20.2010 | 12:58 pm

    As a newcommer to the site and blogging in general I will qualify and caviate every statement. Thats how it works right? (joke..)

    I’ll never get that 20 min back again (again, joke).

    Its clear to me, especially given the influance of the Runner you’ll be doing an IM, so let me suggest something I found fun and helped me drag my 6′6 225lb but through IM Louisville this past summer….use it as training for some insane MTB stage race you can have the Runner do to. More specifically…La Ruta. Even after completing the IM and having that fitness, La Ruta was by far the hardest thing I have experienced (you’ll surely need your running fitness for day 1). You two would have a blast down there competing together and great vacation after.

    For some reason I felt the need to insert some fat tire input here…

    Wow, I just blogged, my wife will be proud.

  95. Comment by blinddrew | 01.20.2010 | 1:11 pm

    “a paunchy mime on a bike” excellent! I know what insult i shall be primarily using this year (duly credited of course)

  96. Comment by Alyson | 01.20.2010 | 1:32 pm

    Oh my, am still laughing……even the comments were hysterical!:-) Off to hot yoga, hope I don’t pee in my pants remembering some of the blog!!! Sigh:-)

    And nice defence, Runner! You Rock!:-)

  97. Comment by Jim | 01.20.2010 | 1:38 pm

    GREAT post and comments today! You’re always a good read on my slow days. The Mom suggested I start reading FC, and you (Fatty) talked me into getting back on the BMX track after a few year hiatus. So thanks! I forgot how much fun it is! One day I’d like to hit up some of the dirt trails I’ve seen on here, but my current Ironman training is just way too brutal: Blog, eat, blog, work, eat, sleep… See what I mean?? I need a nap!

  98. Comment by Fexy01 | 01.20.2010 | 1:44 pm

    I thought it was making me tired to read this… until I realized I was yawning because I was bored. I hear this “I could easily do an Ironman right now”, etc., etc., etc., all the time, and mainly from cyclists. “Do one”, maybe… maybe even ‘probably’. “Easily”? Not so much, and especially not “right now”.

    Wanna earn some donations to Livestrong Fatty? Sign up for next years St. George IM, don’t train anymore than you have this year, and then “Do it right now”. I’d donate to see that one.

  99. Comment by Spleen | 01.20.2010 | 1:46 pm

    “I think it’s obvious that someday I probably will do one, though.” – FC

    Feh! So much for training together. Instead, I’m gonna train for a 6 hour MTB ride on an old garbage dump:

  100. Comment by Fitness4HomeOnline.com – Fitness Equipment | 01.20.2010 | 1:50 pm

    IronMan is no easy feat. I respect anyone who even believes they could complete one.

  101. Comment by Sasha | 01.20.2010 | 1:56 pm

    Patrick – you have redeemed yourself. :) Sending you a cyberhug. (not that you necessarily need one from some stranger or want one for that matter.

    Glad you have a sense of humor. Sorry we were so rough, but really, Fatty is Fatty and he blogs tongue in cheek. I think if you can’t take a joke and if you can’t see humor in something, then it might be time to re-evaluate why you are doing something that makes you so defensive. I hope that you and your wife do very well in the IM. Best of luck!

    I know that I could NEVER do an IM cause I couldn’t swim that far that fast (not even a 1/2) and though I have not doubt I could finish the bike, I am a reformed jogger who was never fast so even on a good day, my best finishing time would be around 4 hours and that is on a relatively flat course (Mayors Marathon in Anchorage, AK – one of the best ever cause about 8 miles is on dirt trails and most runs along a bike trail so you can jog on the dirt and save some pounding). So that leaves the bike portion. So if an IM were just a 112 mile bike, I’d be in. :)

  102. Comment by Sasha | 01.20.2010 | 2:00 pm

    Crap. And skippy is back. Sigh. I think if his posts weren’t so crazy and he made some sense, maybe people would take him more seriously. Then again, maybe not.

  103. Comment by Cindy | 01.20.2010 | 2:17 pm

    And what’s wrong with a Bento box???

  104. Comment by Frankenhip | 01.20.2010 | 2:31 pm

    So…would you maybe be willing to give the Madone away? And if so, could it be retrofit to fit someone 5′2″?

  105. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.20.2010 | 2:39 pm

    I have been in training for three months. Broke training last night to ride into a 40mph wind for two hours.

    But i still didn’t feel like it.

    Am I still in the club?

  106. Comment by Chris | 01.20.2010 | 2:48 pm

    Hmm… was that Orbea what was under the magnificent Christmas wrapping paper job? if so I must have missed that posting.
    I just destroyed my ACL, so I don’t feel like doing an Ironman.

  107. Comment by GenghisKhan | 01.20.2010 | 2:59 pm

    That’s a lot of comments. I’m starting to think that I may be neglecting my family, friends and job. doesn’t help that I just finished my fifth tri of the week (okay, okay! They were only half-tri’s…)

  108. Comment by Claire | 01.20.2010 | 3:20 pm

    My husband and I have matching road bikes – Litespeeds. He used to ride his red custom Appel, but that is a show bike now :)

  109. Comment by JB | 01.20.2010 | 3:52 pm

    I am all over this training for IANDAI, I believe I could get good at it!
    Good blog today Fatty, and all the posts…hilarious!

  110. Comment by Adventure Nell | 01.20.2010 | 3:59 pm

    Patrick, big hug to you! Good luck to the Runner, should be an awesome race. Could someone please tell me what fry sauce is?? Is this an american thing???

  111. Comment by SuomiTri | 01.20.2010 | 4:09 pm

    @Nell- Fry sauce is a condiment, like ketchup. In fact, I think it is ketchup diluted with mayonnaise.

    @Patrick- to respond to your earlier posts and not to beat a dead horse, remember that Fatty “neglects” family, friends, job, etc. too for riding. Except he doesn’t look at it as a sacrifice. He LOVES riding (and it’s always capitalized), which is why he can bang out 100 miles any given weekend without blinking and has done so for probably many many years. In reality, he’s probably conditioned (better word than “trained”) much better for an IM than you since it’s his lifestyle and not just a goal.

    No offense tho, I wish you luck in your race.

  112. Comment by Joel P. | 01.20.2010 | 4:23 pm

    I totally apologize for asking where skippy was.
    Joel P.

  113. Comment by axel in texas | 01.20.2010 | 4:28 pm

    when fatty starts to refer to ‘the runner’ as ‘the swimmer’ we know what he will be up to. Until then he’ll just be the ‘fat duathalete’.

  114. Comment by Matthew | 01.20.2010 | 4:32 pm

    Hey Fatty and Runner,

    I have not even finished reading todays blog; can not seem to get past the awwwweeesome pic of the two of you in matching kits, to include bikes no less. Looking good, you two.

    Alrighty then, must get back to reading todays installment. Safe cycling.

  115. Comment by Shawn | 01.20.2010 | 5:01 pm

    “Instead, I discovered that an Ironman is no big deal, and I could do one right now, if I felt like it… I just don’t feel like it, that’s all.”

    LOL! Myself being a cyclist turned “triathlete” stuck by the crazy notion one day I’ll be an Ironman, this post just makes me laugh. Definitely enjoyed it. Though you don’t sound like me, certain things you said sounds like me.

    I predict that your feelings will change over time, especially the more time you spend with the runner. Definitely am looking forward to the post where you tell the world about signing up for your first IM!

  116. Comment by collette | 01.20.2010 | 5:37 pm

    I am not a biker. I am not a runner. I am NOT a swimmer. But I AM a fan… Your stories, your photos, your humor, your commitment to beating cancer… brings me out of perpetual lurkdom. Temporarily.

    And, it appears, I am, in fact, IN TRAINING! Who knew!

  117. Comment by Bruce Bebow | 01.20.2010 | 5:59 pm

    @Sasha I think it might be Skippy’s Australian accent you’re having a hard time with.

  118. Comment by MathInMtl. | 01.20.2010 | 6:15 pm

    “Yes, but did YOU know that 8.270588235294118 is only 1/17 of an Ironman Tri? – FC”

    Allright that one just made me ruin my laptop by way of nose and mouth expeled liquid. You’re awesome!


  119. Comment by Paul | 01.20.2010 | 7:38 pm

    Too many comments so I didn’t read them all but the ones that are asserting that you couldn’t do an IM with just slightly adjusting your training are either nuts or just training for their first one and are overwhelmed with the theatrics of the IM and not the realities of it.

    You start doing a little swimming and there is no question you are in shape to complete an IM relatively soon. At the front end IM is about seeing how much you are willing to suffer the pain…but for most people it’s how much you are willing to suffer the prolonged experience (boredom) of being out there up to 17 hours.

  120. Comment by Bruce Bebow | 01.20.2010 | 10:08 pm

    Hey, Fatty,

    I’m nervous about spending $190 on a fancy wool sweater to find out it makes me itch… Does it make you itch?

    Nope, doesn’t make me itch. – FC

  121. Comment by Number one | 01.20.2010 | 10:37 pm

    Seriously didn’t you just plant your beloved??

    You Mormons seem to have the values of jackrabbits back off no one wants to give money to the next tiger woods!

  122. Comment by Can' t help myself | 01.20.2010 | 11:21 pm

    “This blog used to be very enjoyable. The well written stories about epic rides and the mishaps that ensued. Now it’s completely different and has turned into a man that I believe has gotten too big for his britches. I have purchased Fat Cyclist gear to support cancer research and proudly sport a Fat Cyclist sticker on my car but my fondness for Elden’s message and ego is wearing thin.”

    I usually subscribe to the “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” school of thought but I have to agree with some of what Patrick said. I’ve been a reader for a long time, as was my husband, and we’ve bought a lot of fat cyclist gear and made a number of contributions to LiveStrong in Susan’s name. However, the tone of the blog has changed as have the comments. There used to be a time when those commenting were either teasing Fatty and/or each other, while Fatty himself lived up to the description on the Twin Six site as an “endearingly self-deprecating” individual. Those days seem to be gone (really a $190 sweater from the guy who once mocked Assos?) and some days the comments section borders on idolatry. My husband stopped reading as a result while I have lurked quietly. I would have continued doing so but felt maybe someone should put in a word for Patrick’s perspective.

  123. Comment by tank | 01.20.2010 | 11:47 pm

    @ Number one,
    I pity you. ‘Nuff said.

  124. Comment by Jenn | 01.21.2010 | 1:24 am

    @Number one,

    I can’t believe what I just read. Small, ugly, and cruel. That makes me sad…for you.

  125. Comment by eclecticdeb | 01.21.2010 | 2:21 am

    It was bound to happen. I hope Fatty deletes the comment, and all others that respond to it. (Including mine). Seriously — his KIDS read his blog. I wish I was smart enough to know how to (or know who could) trace the IP address and make a simple house call to set him straight.

  126. Comment by Lizzylou | 01.21.2010 | 6:46 am

    Fatty, you’ve really stepped up your comment commenting!

  127. Comment by Decker | 01.21.2010 | 8:45 am

    Fatty, I just finished two half Ironmans (Ironmen?) while reading ALL the comments. I think that counts as one complete Ironman. Yeah!

  128. Comment by GenghisKhan | 01.21.2010 | 9:14 am

    Oh, “Number One”. Sad, sad, sad. Not only is it a mean comment, you have poor grammar, sentence structure, punctuation and logic. I’m assuming your mommy logged you onto a computer and then let you have at it. Shame on her, too.

    But yeah, Fatty, delete us all!

  129. Comment by Heather S | 01.21.2010 | 9:27 am

    I’ve got to agree with “Can’t help myself”… most of the comments on here remind me of a certain April Fool’s joke. I, too, miss the focus on the joys and triumphs of cycling, but, things change… I’ll keep reading, though. There are still lots of fun times to be had here.

  130. Comment by A. Palmer | 01.21.2010 | 9:57 am

    Tiger Woods is Mormon?! Can anyone confirm that?

  131. Comment by MikeL | 01.21.2010 | 10:00 am

    Come on folks. Take a chill pill.
    Anybody who has followed this blog for more than a day should realize you do not take anything seriously on here except for Fatty’s committment to fighting cancer, his devotion to his family, and cycling.
    On a different matter is there truth to the rumor that Fatty will be in a Rapha photo shoot as the primary model?

  132. Comment by BellaBike | 01.21.2010 | 10:34 am

    Really now, people. Reading an internet blog is a VOLUNTARY action. If you do not like the content, or what YOU perceive to be the tone of the blog, stop reading it. Remove it from your browser Favorites, and go about your life without us. Pretending the anonimity of the internet allows you to make callous, vicious remarks is a sham. You do not impress us, you only confirm your shallow nature.

    Or, in three words. Get. A. Life.
    Or, in thee other words. Leave. Fatty. Alone.

    Bella, I’m guessing you didn’t notice the new rules and bylaws of my blog. It’s no longer voluntary. You are REQUIRED to read it. Every day. Even when I don’t post. Please stop spreading disinformation like this. – FC

  133. Comment by sarge@mach5 | 01.21.2010 | 10:43 am

    I’ve been on the not doing an Ironman training program now since 1982 and have managed to gain 20 pounds and keep it on thank you!

    Nice work! Keep it up! – FC

  134. Comment by Jenn | 01.21.2010 | 11:02 am

    Fatty, you are a class act. Dayum. Class, class act.

    Thanks for having my back, Jenn. – FC

  135. Comment by Trapperdan | 01.21.2010 | 11:27 am

    People with no sense of humor are sad.
    Mean people just plain suck.

    Elden, you keep up the good work.

  136. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.21.2010 | 11:27 am

    @numberone – I think you should change your penname to numbertwo.

    1. It is inappropriate & rude to question a persons grief process in public.

    2. It is unbelievable that you would negatively stereotype the people of an entire religious organization.

    3. I am pretty sure Fatty has never asked for you to give him money.

    4. Go away.

  137. Comment by JB | 01.21.2010 | 11:35 am

    Why does it seem that religion, nationality, gender, etc., always is a part of ignorant put downs?
    A sad part of the human condition I guess.

  138. Comment by Can' t help myself | 01.21.2010 | 12:21 pm

    BellaBike – after being a reader for so long I wasn’t quite ready to give up Fatty’s blog. Thanks for the push.

    Fatty – you are incredible individual and have done amazing, wonderful things. I truly wish you and your family all the best.

  139. Comment by Patrick | 01.21.2010 | 3:28 pm


    It’s obvious that I’m not exactly enthralled with the blog right now but as a fellow Mormon that hurts everyone involved and is completely unnecessary.

  140. Comment by Jon | 01.21.2010 | 5:41 pm

    If it hasn’t been said yet, this is going to be an epic, historic post. The comments have really taken on a life of their own. What with the intentional misconstruals, the accusations of “idolatry”, and then the personal attacks.

    This post, and more especially the comments, will, D-day-like, live in infamy.

  141. Comment by Jon | 01.25.2010 | 9:51 pm

    Fatty certainly has the base fitness to complete an ironman.

    My first “race” ever was a marathon, I subsequently was hooked ran a 50k trail race 2 months later and found that when you run ultras marathons become just training.

    Many ultras & marathons later life interfered. Still I ran (waddled really) twin cities on *no* training, just a few long runs (4-5 hours once a week on trails once a week) and finished in just under 5 hours comfortably pacing a friend to the finish in just shy of 5 hours.

    My fastest? Of course not.

    Good run though and the basemiles I had in my lags could have carries me a good bit less slowly had I not been pacing a friend.

  142. Comment by nips | 01.27.2010 | 2:44 pm

    pfft. It’s a day of exercise and you get to change up between activities. Sure it takes some training but it’s no worse than, say, mtn biking 100 miles at altitude.

  143. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » I Am Making Significant Changes to My Training Regimen | 02.9.2010 | 1:13 pm

    [...] see, evidently I didn’t make it clear that I was totally joking when I said I could easily do an IronMan. Because Timex — one of the major sponsors of the [...]

  144. Comment by Shannon | 04.3.2010 | 11:14 pm

    I am seriously considering wearing a FC jersey just so you will cheer for me…. I just saw this and it made me laugh like nothing else. Thanks!


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