Alternative Uses for Water Bottles

01.21.2010 | 11:38 am

A Note from Fatty: Team Fatty member Michael Schechter (who comments as “Kamala”) has an outstanding article about him in in The Stranger. Read it!

If you ride a bike, there’s a good chance you have a lot of water bottles. Where, originally, you had a few that took up a corner of a shelf, you’ve now got that shelf completely filled, and are spilling out onto a second. Little by little — event by event — you’ve collected enough bottles that you now could go on two-bottle rides every day for a month without washing a single bottle.

I am not recommending you do that, by the way. I was being hypothetical and stuff.

The problem with having so many bottles is: most of these bottles are terrible. After a few washes, the valves don’t work right, turning them into dribble glasses. Furthermore, thanks to a bylaw passed more than 20 years ago by the powerful Bicycle Water Bottle Manufacturers’ Conglomerate (BWBMC), any bottle with a screw-top lid made by one manufacturer must be threaded differently than the bottle/lid combination of every other manufacturer, so that while all your lids and bottles look like they’d work together, in reality they will not.

There is a separate BWBMC statute that encourages all bottle manufacturers to slightly change their bottle / threading methodology on a bi-annual basis, so that your 2005 bottles will not work with your 2006 bottles.

Then, of course, there’s the whole “top-of-drawer” (AKA “Last in, first out”) thing: no matter how many bottles you own, the one you most recently used is likely to be the one you use again next time.

The practical upshot is: there’s a good chance you’ve got a few bottles that you really use a lot, and a ridiculous number of bottles you will never use at all. Ever.

Today, I will help you solve this important and urgent (that’s Quad 1, folks, and is not to be taken lightly) problem, by showing you several excellent ways you can modify your water bottles for alternative uses around the home.

Oh, and also there’s a contest with a topically-relevant prize at the end of the post. Don’t you dare scroll down to see what it is, though.

That would be cheating.

Musical Modifications

Like most people, the first thing I think of when considering ways in which a water bottle might be adapted to other purposes is musical instrument.

The first thing I tried was as easy as it was effective. A handful of coins in a couple of unmodified water bottles makes for an awesome set of ad-hoc maracas. Before long, I was dancing and maraca-ing up a storm.

I actually took video of this. I really did. And then I watched it this morning and realized something: I apparently do have limits as to what I will show on this blog.

I will tell you this, however: It looked a lot like this.

Besides, the maracas idea is a little too easy. That’s not really modifying your bottles; that’s just adding some change.

So I made a horn. Sort of. Kind of a foghorn, really. Or, to be honest, a long cylinder that makes it easy to imitate the old Ricola commercials.


It sounds like this:

You want one now, don’t you? Of course you do. And I’d give you the instructions, but…um…I think the picture pretty much tells you everything you need to know.

Turn a Water Bottle Into an Extremely Versatile Container

“Yes, yes, Fatty,” I hear you impatiently saying, “musical instruments are all well and good. But what if I want to repurpose my water bottles for a more utilitarian purpose?”

I understand completely. And that is why, after considerable thought and effort, I have come up with this innovation:


Yes, it’s a toothbrush holder! But it’s so much more. Behold:

Pencil holder.jpg

It’s an office supplies holder!

I know your head is already reeling from these two incredible ideas, but I am now going to blow your mind with the versatility of this design. You can — and should — use this water bottle adaptation for a wide variety of things, including:

  • Dinner cups. You may want to advise your guests to be a little bit careful when they touch their lips to their cup’s rims. Those rims can be a little ragged.
  • Nail holder. If you have a lot of nails that need holding, this may well become your very best friend. Which would be both convenient and kind of sad.
  • Liquid soap dispenser: Fill this up with liquid soap and put it by the sink. People can dispense by tipping the dispenser and letting gravity do its thing. Soap dispenser pumps are for sissies.
  • Bucket for drawing water from a very small well. I don’t think this one needs any explanation.

Really, I could go on. The possibilities are as endless as our ever-growing need to contain things that have a diameter smaller than a racquetball and a total volume of less than 20 fluid ounces.

Apparel Options

It’s become very common and popular to wear latex bands showing your support for a cause. So common and so popular, in fact, that I would go so far as to say that it has become passe. When, for example, was the last time you asked someone what their orange-colored latex band stood for? When was the last time you even noticed someone was even wearing one of those bands.

Well. I have the solution.

Instead of wearing a latex band supporting a cause, just cut a ring out of a water bottle and put it on your wrist. Like so:


Here I am, showing my support — with both wrists — of Trek’s “1 World 2 Wheels” project. From the look on my face, you can tell that I am extremely serious about my support. And also that I don’t have a lot of fashion sense. And also that it’s been about a week since I last shaved my head. And also that I have droopy Deputy Dog eyes.

But your water bottles can be used for more than simple clothing adornment. They can also be adapted into really excellent forearm guards:


Not only do these make you look and feel like some sort of gladiator-superhero hybrid, they’re excellent for defending you against thrown objects, as long as those objects are not thrown very hard and aren’t sharp.

Festively Advanced Techniques

Really, everything that came before was just fluff. I’d apologize for wasting your time, but I think that if you’ll be candid with yourself you kind of knew what you were getting yourself into when you came to the site.


What I really wanted to show you was how you can make a really awesome and beautiful art object from a bottle.

Step 1. Get a bottle (Hi Sportgenic! Thanks for selling ads on my site, making me rich beyond my wildest dreams!).


Step 2. Cut almost all the way around the bottle many times, leaving the same area uncut on each ring.


Step 3. Bend into a beautiful circle. Secure with zip ties.


I know a few infidels among you are asking, “Why?” To which I answer, cryptically, “Art is its own reason.”

Also, you could use it as a Christmas tree ornament, or make a bouquet by making several of them and using spokes for stems. Men, your wives will love it if you do that. And I’m sure your masterpiece will find a place of honor in your home.

Oh, and you can also spiral-cut a bottle to make a Water Bottle Slinky:


The kids think this is the coolest thing I have ever made. Ever. Though my 16-year-old seemed a little bit concerned.

“What,” he asked, “made you think you should cut a water bottle into a slinky?”

I confess I did not have an answer prepared.

But What About the Lids?

As you make your life more and more wonderful each day by implementing the techniques shown here, you will no doubt begin to notice a new problem:


What should you do with all the lids?

And I must confess, I am stumped. The lids are a conundrum. I have tried making them into goggles. Dreidels. Earmuffs.

Disasters, each and every time.

I am at a loss.

Win a Michael Rasmussen-Signed Water Bottle!

And this is where you come in. In the comments area, describe — or better yet, include a photo — of how you would repurpose your water bottle lids. Ideas for water bottle repurposing are also acceptable submissions, because I have a generous nature and a heart of gold.

The winner, chosen by me, will get this:


Yes, that’s right. A Michael Rasmussen-signed Rabobank water bottle. For real. From back in the halcyon days of 2007. Here’s another pic, so you can admire the signature more completely:


I cannot think of a more awesome collector’s item than this, and I am trying really hard.

Good luck. I’m sure you’ll win.


  1. Comment by dug | 01.21.2010 | 12:02 pm

    “And I’m sure your masterpiece will find a place of honor in your home.”

    i’ll put it right next to my lace-stockinged-woman’s-leg lamp.

    this seems apropos of something:

  2. Comment by dspbrian | 01.21.2010 | 12:26 pm

    Oh come on Fatty. I would think a man of your “Stature” would know that the water bottle top is the ideal cookie cutter.

    Perfect circles and if the dough gets stuck you can simply blow into the pre-purposed mouth piece.

  3. Comment by cece | 01.21.2010 | 12:26 pm

    The beginning of your post reminded me of Zip lock containers. Every several months, they change the opening JUST A BIT so that the lids you have do not fit…then you have this pile up of lids and containers in your cupboard that are useless….thus you have to buy new containers so that both parts fit and you can bring your lunch to work.

    I have enough trouble figuring this out! Good luck with the water bottle lids!

  4. Comment by Sam | 01.21.2010 | 12:27 pm

    How about for use in converting a regular bra to a breastfeeding friendly sort? Just poke a little hole, tuck it in, and feed that future cyclist, you could even extend the hole all the way through the shirt to make for easier access. Regrettably, I think I would be slapped if I asked anyone to help with pics of this idea, but you get the idea…

  5. Comment by Jeff | 01.21.2010 | 12:27 pm

    I think you should adorn the walls of your garage with the lids, the same way a car enthusiast might put up hub caps.

    If I win, you can send the Rasmussen water bottle to Mexico where I may or may not be training.

  6. Comment by theveganvagabond | 01.21.2010 | 12:29 pm

    nipple guards to prevent that dreaded chafing you men experience on long rides.

  7. Comment by T Foster | 01.21.2010 | 12:47 pm

    If I lived near snow, I would be tempted to use those tops for snowman and snowwoman body parts.

  8. Comment by Another Fat Cyclist | 01.21.2010 | 12:50 pm

    I think the musical instrument wins. You should call it a “Didgeree-don’t”

  9. Comment by Kathleen Lisson | 01.21.2010 | 12:58 pm

    Glue 5- 6 water bottle tops to a handsome piece of wood, top opening down. Extra points if you paint the phrase “You’re Pedaling Squares” on the side.

    Place this handsome cycling-themed snack tray on a shelf near your rollers, or, if you are gifted with an uncanny sense of balance and never fall off of your bicycle, affix it to your handlebars.

    Enjoy a variety of nibbles as you work out. M&M’s, Cheetos, Kettle Corn, corn chips, finger sandwiches, mini Hershey bars. The sky is the limit.

    Be sure to keep your soigneur within shouting distance if you need a refill on anything.

    What, you do not have a soigneur?

    Kathleen Lisson

  10. Comment by Betsy | 01.21.2010 | 12:59 pm

    Eldon, I think you have too much time on your hands dude!
    What to do with the lids……sound proofing the music room.
    Cake decorating. You cut a small hole in a ziplock bag, place the lid in the hole, fill ziplock with icing, decorate the cake!

  11. Comment by gelmski | 01.21.2010 | 1:03 pm


    They make quite excellent golf tees.

  12. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:04 pm

    Skeet-shooting targets!

  13. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:07 pm

    Really small and hard-to-see cones to do slalom runs on the driveway, bunny hop obstacles for beginners and other markers to practice bike handling skillz. Also useful to mark goalposts or bases.

  14. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:09 pm

    Child-friendly throwing “stars”

  15. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:10 pm

    Hubcaps for R/C cars, skateboards, Radio Flyer wagon wheels and bike rollers

  16. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:11 pm

    Medals to hand out at events. Simply drill a hole and pass some ribbon through it or something.

  17. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:13 pm

    Convenient manhole covers for golf holes. Also works on gopher holes to thwart them (but humanely; leave the spout open for air!)

  18. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:14 pm

    Lego figure canoes (close the spout!)

  19. Comment by r3ing | 01.21.2010 | 1:15 pm

    Best use for the not so awesome water bottles that we all have is as an alternative gear carrier in wet weather. If you work hard enough at it you can stuff a decent rain jacket into one, and switch jackets partway through a ride if it is really wet, or just keep in handy if you think it might turn wet. I know, that is what the pockets on you jersey are for, but if by the time you pull over to the side of the road (wet roads + pulling on jacket stuffed into rear of jersey + my riding buddies = broken bikes and ruined pride) your rain jacket is soaked then I guess it isn’t doing you much good is it?

  20. Comment by Alon | 01.21.2010 | 1:16 pm

    Castagnettes. Oh, did we say no more musical instruments? Sorry…

  21. Comment by Kelly Bulkeley | 01.21.2010 | 1:17 pm

    Decorative handlebar ends! Affix a lid to each end of the handlebars. Add streamers through the spout for added awesomeness.

  22. Comment by Frank | 01.21.2010 | 1:18 pm

    #1 You could put a lens into the big opening and use it as a magnifying glass by looking through the small hole.

    #2 Donate them to the FX department of Lucas Arts. I’m sure they will transform them into UFOs, mine triggers or alien antenna.

    #3 Glue them on your garage wall as a buffer in case the brakes on your bike malfunctions on your ride back.

    #4 Attach them at their sides and create some custom fenders for your bikes. Your neighbors will envy you for your ingenuity.

    #5 Put some LEDs into the small part and build yourself a landing strip for those night rides.

  23. Comment by Dr. Lammler | 01.21.2010 | 1:19 pm

    After watching the Pee Wee Herman video, all of these ideas for a water bottle seem brilliant.

    Except for the slinky. I tried it and have converted it back to a water bottle. I don’t see any problems with this.

  24. Comment by andy | 01.21.2010 | 1:23 pm

    breast milk extractor. do it for the children

  25. Comment by IthacaJake | 01.21.2010 | 1:26 pm

    For very small potted plants, they make excellent flower pots (with included drainage holes).

    Also, you can take advantage of differing companies thicknesses to use them as shims for a wobbly table.

    Need to move a couch? Stick a few underneath one and use the soft rubber nipples to protect your floor!

  26. Comment by erik | 01.21.2010 | 1:27 pm

    Michael who?

  27. Comment by Star | 01.21.2010 | 1:29 pm

    This is just slightly (not really) related to the post, but I’ve always wanted to know: Who’s idea was it to start a bank and name it Rabobank?
    Isn’t that like designing a shoe and naming it Tripsalot?

  28. Comment by Sara | 01.21.2010 | 1:29 pm

    I also had the idea for protective covers for breast feeding moms, especially if the children have teeth.

    Perhaps they could also be used as pasties for very enthusiastic cycling cheerleaders/fans. Can’t you just see the women lined up at the finish line of the tour de france? I suppose male fans could use them too…

  29. Comment by Kelly Bulkeley | 01.21.2010 | 1:33 pm

    I just thought of another one:

    Fixing a tire on the road? Tired of losing your various nuts and bolts and tools in the grass? Simply plant the lid spout-side down into the ground, and voila: tool/nut/bolt/thing holder!

  30. Comment by Frankenhip | 01.21.2010 | 1:44 pm

    How about a mobile of the solar system?

  31. Comment by Swami Wheelo | 01.21.2010 | 1:48 pm

    Well, the lids can be threaded onto a wire alternating one white or clear lid every nine black ones. Hang it up over your pool, fussball, or air-hockey table and you’ve got a nifty scorekeeping set up. The valve on your Camelback Podium lids will keep the other lids from sliding around on their own.

    Having a Michael Rasmussen water bottle might be troublesome though. I imagine it would vanish during the winter and then never be where it says it was in the springtime, only to be banished from use round-about July. Then someone will email from Venezuela to tell you they saw your bottle.

  32. Comment by Dan | 01.21.2010 | 1:53 pm

    How about taking an already overpriced ~$6 bulk bottle and selling it for $10. Oh wait, you’re already doing this.

  33. Comment by Neonmouse | 01.21.2010 | 1:55 pm

    Perfect as disposable funnels for putting oil in your oil tank… you can never have too many of those!! I’m always wondering where that darn funnel is.

  34. Comment by Haven (KT) | 01.21.2010 | 1:55 pm

    I like Kathleen Lisson’s idea the best.

  35. Comment by Neonmouse | 01.21.2010 | 1:58 pm

    OH… and perhaps you could pop out the middle part for a faster pour?

  36. Comment by chelsea | 01.21.2010 | 2:14 pm

    I think the tops would be perfect to enhance a good piece of nude artwork.

  37. Comment by Thom P. | 01.21.2010 | 2:20 pm

    Glue six water bottle caps (pink ones look more realistic) to your chest and go out for Halloween as a female pig, or a dog, or a Capybara, or…any other mammal that has six nipples.

    If you somehow rig them to dispense Tequila you’ll be the most popular guy at any party you attend. Of course you may have to spend your retirement money buying back all the photos people post of you “in action” on facebook.


  38. Comment by Mart | 01.21.2010 | 2:24 pm

    Eldon, you either have WAY too much time on your hands or the sight of all those bottles made something go ‘click’ inside your head.
    Either way: your ideas for water-bottle-use are ingenious beyond meassure and should be communicated throughout the cycling world. I’ll start spreading the AWBUG (=alternative water bottle use gospel) in central Europe if you don’t mind….

    Concerning the Lids, I’d propose to affix them spout upwards to the underside of a bottle with its top cut off. This will result in a set of very decorative wine-glasses for your dinner table.
    Get the branding right and they might even sell well on craigslist.


  39. Comment by Jim | 01.21.2010 | 2:26 pm

    Honestly. You people are missing the best and most obvious use, one that solves both the “versatile container” and the “mismatched bottle/top combination” riddles.

    Go for a long ride on a really hot day, like 103, and humid. Mix up some really syrupy sticky sports drink like Perpetuum or Cytomax. Put it in a water bottle with a slightly mismatched top, one that looks like it’s working, but which is also clearly mismatched (e.g. bottomless thread, slightly crooked). A good choice would be your old Team Mapei top (Team Mapei? How old is that?) that has been kicking around your garage for years, matched up to a newer bottle from your LBS.

    Hold out on drinking until you are really thirsty. Get yourself way out there on the Blueridge, or up in Thurmont, or near Fatty’s house, where there is nothing else to drink so you appreciate it.

    Then, when you are grinding up a long hill at low speed, totally cooking off and melting down, deploy the water bottle, and open the valve.

    Hold it up to your lips, and because it’s so hot, squeeze it hard to get a big gusher of refreshing drink all at once.

    Then enjoy the syrupy sweet blast of 102 degree sports drink that soaks you as the top blasts off the bottle, hits you in the face, then bounces down the road behind you.

    After you finish screaming, you’ll notice the top is in traffic where it will eventually be crushed by traffic. After you see that and decide it’s not worth going back to pick up a mismatched top, throw the bottle into the woods in a fit of rage.

    Oh yeah, then when you get home, clean out your bike closet and discover the Team Mapei water bottle, sans top, you’ve been looking for. And celebrate, for you can now repeat this rewarding experience, using the Team Mapei bottle with a new, slightly-ill-fitting Performance top. Is anything better than that?

    Come to think of it, maybe that isn’t the *best* alternative use of water bottles, but it sure seems to be the one they are designed for.

  40. Comment by Brad | 01.21.2010 | 2:32 pm

    Instead of putting office supplies or your toothbrush in the bottom half, use them to hold your kleenex or your TV remotes as you spin the trainer.

  41. Comment by Bee | 01.21.2010 | 2:41 pm

    I love the guy who suggested cookie cutter. That is absolutely my favorite.

  42. Comment by Happy to be a Cyclist and Not a Runner | 01.21.2010 | 2:43 pm

    They make very stylish ear muffs.

  43. Comment by FNEditor | 01.21.2010 | 2:55 pm

    ski-pole caps

  44. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.21.2010 | 3:09 pm

    I just want to say it. It takes a brave genius to pull together a Pee-Wee Herman skit & a Ricola Advert. Well done.

  45. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.21.2010 | 3:10 pm

    I don’t know what can be made the lids, but the LOTOJA organizers do and it will be the finisher prize for 2010.

  46. Comment by bikemike | 01.21.2010 | 3:17 pm

    put a couple of ‘em in my jersey pockets and whilst riding at the back of a group, i throw one off into the air and yell “oh my God, look, it’s a UFO”. havoc and mayhem are there upon wreaked. you just can’t pay for that kind of entertainment…well, you could but you’d be an idiot.

  47. Comment by RL Julia | 01.21.2010 | 3:31 pm

    Well, if you had a boat, you could use the entire sealed waterbottle as one of those float guide things that are usually made out of old tires and the like.

    If you had kids you could fill them with finger or tempura paint and then the paint would never dry out and would always be in a mess-free easy to dispense container. Ditto for glue I imagine.

    Along that line, I imagine you could go all Iron Chef and fill them with olive oil, honey, syrup, vinegar, salad dressing and why stop there- whatabout that prohibition style bar – with each alcohol in its own water bottle. Who cares if after 24 hours, everything will taste vaguely of plastic….

    However, I would take them all and send them to Patagonia or some other uber-environmentally concious clothier and see if they couldn’t recycle them into some sort of soft, fluffy garment.

    Either that or make the world’s lamest Molotov cocktail (not to seem too anti-social).

  48. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.21.2010 | 3:44 pm

    Take ALL of the mismatched, leaky-top, scuzzy water bottles, fill them with the same sticky syrupy sports drink that @Jim, above is using, go to a trithlon with a card table to place them on, hand them out to participants as they run or ride by, and watch THEM get sticky all over themselves.

    Serves ‘em right for runing & swimming.

  49. Comment by Doug | 01.21.2010 | 3:49 pm

    I think we all know the 6 uddered pig at halloween that dispenses tequilla is the winner … :)

  50. Comment by bubbaseadog | 01.21.2010 | 3:49 pm

    somebody come up wih something i got about 300 collecting dust

  51. Comment by Mike P | 01.21.2010 | 3:59 pm

    *Use as a Frisbee for a very small dog.
    *Mail them to Madonna.
    *Stash a few in your jersey pocket to return-fire with garbage-tossing motorists.

  52. Comment by SDM | 01.21.2010 | 4:46 pm

    OK, be honest…we won’t tell. How much of this was done on “company time”?

  53. Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 01.21.2010 | 5:20 pm

    What a creative group! Frisbees for very small dogs to play catch with.

  54. Comment by Lyndon | 01.21.2010 | 5:23 pm

    Lids make excellent buttons on snowmen.

    Elden, I do hope that you can confirm the whereabouts of that Rabobank bottle….

  55. Comment by MikeL | 01.21.2010 | 5:32 pm

    Open them up and duck tape them to your bumper for use as deer warning whistles.

  56. Comment by KenG | 01.21.2010 | 5:49 pm

    When hitting the tight singletrack, staple a couple of tops to each glove. Knuckleguards!

    Or, one bottle, four tops, two axles for each of your buddies and one downward sloping gradient. Water bottle races!

  57. Comment by Demonic1 | 01.21.2010 | 6:20 pm

    Nipple guards for bike rides? no.

    You only need nipple guards if you do Ironman, in which case you want them for the _running_ portion.

    Or, if you’re Elden doing the backstroke in order to finish your Ironman, the a bottle top would make a handy portable snorkel. You could even stash it in your wetsuit until it was needed.

    Then you can put one in each running shoe for the nipple guards- because you always plan ahead.

    They could also be used as earmuffs.

    Hang a bunch together and they could be wind chimes- they aren’t very loud though.

    You could glue them to shoes nipple side down to fix, or make your own, _custom_ high heeled shoes.

    they make good puppy chew toys- I seem to loose a lot of lids that way.

    or- just recycle the buggers

  58. Comment by plum | 01.21.2010 | 6:25 pm

    OMG fatty – the prize is EPIC. EPIC. I can’t even believe you’re willing to part with the flying chicken’s signature. Moment of brilliance come to me NOW. NOW!


    I got nothing. I think you should recycle them.

  59. Comment by Charisa | 01.21.2010 | 7:09 pm

    Flowers :)

  60. Comment by Kamala | 01.21.2010 | 7:21 pm

    Since someone asked, Michael Schechter is just a dude in Seattle trying to lose weight and raising money for Livestrong.
    I’ve got a couple of fun raffles and give-aways (homemade cookies!) going over on my livestrong page.

  61. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.21.2010 | 7:41 pm

    I do not have this problem as my wife will not let me. She takes the bottles I don’t use and she decides which ones they are and uses them as drippers for all our pot plants especially during our stinking hot summers. Fill them up open the nozzle and invert them into the dirt and the water comes out slowly just like a dripper system. No lids or anything left over. She does know not to use my Fat Cyclist or Orbea bottles but all the others are fair game apparently. I am reasonably confident she does not put them back after using them.

  62. Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.21.2010 | 7:47 pm

    P.S. before you throw them out the lid in the top left of your pic might fit my campag bottle. just sayin…..

  63. Comment by kingsbridgedr | 01.21.2010 | 8:01 pm


    I think we are going to have a fun day at the office tomorrow! I haven’t heard back from you about the run through of We are killing it raising money for cancer research and we want your help!!

  64. Comment by eric | 01.21.2010 | 8:02 pm

    Soap dispenser pumps are for sissies.

  65. Comment by Juls | 01.21.2010 | 8:13 pm

    Lol! What is wrong with you!

  66. Comment by Steiner | 01.21.2010 | 8:18 pm

    Dude! The Pee Wee skit almost made me wet myself! I’m going to Daytona for Bike Week (Feb 26-Mar 6): You’d be suprised how much riding and cycling can complement each other. I do 4000Kms on my bike each year and 1000 mi on a Harley. That’s about 2000 hrs on one and 40 on the other. The Bike makes me a better rider. But the people are the best in each venue! Pee Wee brings out the best in both.

  67. Comment by Rui | 01.21.2010 | 8:32 pm

    Projectiles for aggressive drivers. One for drink, one for tossing at people who piss me off.

  68. Comment by Rui | 01.21.2010 | 8:35 pm

    If I win the rassmussen bottle, I’ll fill it with rocks and throw it at the next a hole who tried to kill me with their car.

  69. Comment by TallCyclist | 01.21.2010 | 9:53 pm

    I Read this site often, I always enjoy the articles. The one hting I take away from it is…. How does Fatty’s mind work?!?! A unique and let’s not forget “extremely famous” cyclist! Nice one Mate.

  70. Comment by matt | 01.21.2010 | 10:19 pm

    nipple inhancers- (using the lids) Is it chilly in here?

  71. Comment by John The Lawyer | 01.21.2010 | 10:25 pm

    I love you, Brother. But you have entirely too much time on your hands!!!!

    And we’re all better for it!

  72. Comment by Jill2 | 01.21.2010 | 10:31 pm

    Wow! Fatty and Mr. Covey are sporting the same haircut.

  73. Comment by cheftone | 01.21.2010 | 11:05 pm

    Yeah, I’m with the others, recycle them or maybe better yet, donate them to the homeless shelter or goodwill.

  74. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.22.2010 | 12:57 am

    The functional and fashionable use of bottle tops was obvious to me:


  75. Comment by Razor | 01.22.2010 | 12:59 am

    Insect and Weed Killers

    Thread lid onto wire – an old coat hanger is ideal. Dip into something flammable like petrol (as we Aussies call it). Set aflame. Walk around garden dripping burning molten plastic onto weeds and insects.

    Only send me the Rassmussen bottle if it has some EPO still in it.

  76. Comment by Ingrid | 01.22.2010 | 2:36 am

    Hello Elden,

    You are not the only one multi-using stuff you have at home. Watch this dutch dessert-commercial. Enjoy!!!


  77. Comment by Jenn | 01.22.2010 | 3:23 am

    ***WINNER*** “Send them to Madonna”!!!

  78. Comment by lala | 01.22.2010 | 3:59 am

    An age old problem for female cyclists/runners/sportswomen is peeing in public quickly and easily. Remember the marathon runner who squatted mid race??? My solution is the portable pee bottle!!! Stores easily on your bike – no adjustments needed. No extra weight etc :)To construct:
    Cut end off bottle and tape around edges to protect the sensitive bits.
    When the urge arise just slip into knicks, position correctly, point the lid end to the ground and let it flow. Just like a guy!!!
    HINT leaning forwards slightly helps avoid the pee running down the leg.
    When finished just put in bottle cage and off you go.
    HINT NEVER mix up your drink bottle with your pee bottle
    Works even better with a camel back. and it is possible to add a short piece of camel back hose to the nozzle for extra length!!! Something guys brag about all the time :)
    NO pics sorry but yes i do have and use one – more so when sailing but do take it on the bike!!!

  79. Comment by Kelly Bulkeley | 01.22.2010 | 6:46 am

    Another one I thought of: you could construct some snazzy looking bras using two lids and some rubber bands or leftover bike tubes, then raffle them off with proceeds going to the Susan Komen Foundation or Livestrong in support/awareness of breast cancer.

    I’d post a photo of what I’m talking about, but I have a feeling my husband wouldn’t appreciate that. Maybe if I get him to model it instead….

  80. Comment by Marla Gnarla | 01.22.2010 | 7:32 am

    I cut the top off and use it to carry other things in it on the bike. Slip a koozi in it to carry smaller bottles or cans without the rattling. Right now, it has my can of bear spray in it.

  81. Comment by Kalli@Fitandfortysomething | 01.22.2010 | 8:14 am

    I like the office suppy idea. I am always looking for new pen/pencil holders……..!

  82. Comment by Surlyrider | 01.22.2010 | 8:15 am

    I can not read through 80 commments right now, but I hope someone posted what I use mine for. I have old bottle cages screwed into the wall in my bike area next to each of my bikes. I keep a bottle with the top cut off in each of them. The bottle have the stuff I need for that bike like tubes, tools, etc. I never have to search for what I need for that specific bike, or never have to realize that I brought a 26 inch tube on my road ride. Let me tell you…that sucks when you find that out!
    Also, this is one of my favorite posts of all time.

  83. Comment by mtb w | 01.22.2010 | 10:16 am

    Whatever you do, don’t give them to a homeless shelter. They’ll want to know what happened to the bottom (e.g. Seinfeld).

  84. Comment by Beast Mom | 01.22.2010 | 11:13 am

    I kinda’ thought Wonder Woman, not Gladiator. ;)

    You are so freaky-weird sometimes. It makes me feel rather normal.


  85. Comment by brian | 01.22.2010 | 11:47 am

    Wow, someone’s not procrastinating writing that book proposal are they?

  86. Comment by Erin | 01.22.2010 | 5:07 pm

    WTG Michael! Great article.

    I am not clever. I want the bottle. Okay?

  87. Comment by Rollo | 01.22.2010 | 6:44 pm

    If you cut your bottle in half lengthwise you can attach them on your fender as a buddy flap

  88. Comment by Allan | 01.22.2010 | 7:23 pm

    I made a bike light out of a water bottle, an old flashlight, a cell phone battery some electronic parts:
    C:\Users\Dad\Pictures\water bottle light.jpg

  89. Comment by Allan | 01.22.2010 | 7:30 pm

    Oops, maybe this will work:

  90. Comment by Allan | 01.22.2010 | 7:33 pm

    ..or not

  91. Comment by anji | 01.23.2010 | 1:12 am

    You can make a hovercraft out of them, with a balloon and a CD… the valve allows you to increase/decrease the speed of air-release and thus, creating a more effective hovercraft :)


    I did it with my grade 7s…. check out you-tube for a video how to make ‘em!

  92. Comment by Jen | 01.23.2010 | 11:27 am

    Two ideas … you’ve heard of truck nuts (or bike nuts) — you could make truck boobs (or bike boobs). Ha, aren’t you jealous now. Just mount together and suspend with wire (a picture would be good, wouldn’t it?). Hang from hitch or saddle.

    The second, top mounted storage (don’t throw away the bottles). When I was a kid my dad kept all sorts of things in baby food bottles hanging by the lids with a screw through them. You’d have to work a bit to run a screw through the valve, but I bet it can be done. Note this works better with clear bottles.

  93. Comment by Kel | 01.23.2010 | 8:21 pm

    The thought of winning the water bottle signed by Michael is hilarious.

    How about a hummingbird feeder? or to drip water outside?

  94. Comment by Lana | 01.24.2010 | 1:11 pm

    I have to say I am amazed noone said anything about the potential for the soap dispenser to be confused with in use bottle. Given how mine tend to pile up near the sink, I know one of those times I would end up with a mouth full of soap (or more than once, but I dont wanna admit to it)

    For the lids, you could have a lid exchange… then maybe we could ALL find the tops that match the bottles. I know I have quite a few m.i.a. that I could use replacements for…

  95. Comment by Alison | 01.24.2010 | 3:36 pm

    Well, I have always wanted one of those Aussie-style rainshower heads. I’m thinking I could take a piece of square plexiglass, drill some holes in it, and glue the water bottle lids over the holes. I can then control the flow of water by opening and closing the various lids.

  96. Comment by Gordon in Melbourne | 01.24.2010 | 4:40 pm

    The all sing all dancing Fat Cyclist Burlesque show.

    (Note to the director use Kenny as the lead.)

  97. Comment by Gordon in Melbourne | 01.24.2010 | 4:43 pm

    Lucky for all I was submitting my comment from home and unable to attach the photo of a nipple cover with tassles on my hairy chest. For some silly reason my wife didn’t want to be a burlesque dancer.

    If there is popular demand I will submit at a later date.

  98. Comment by Razor | 01.24.2010 | 9:12 pm

    Gordon, there are websites for that sort of thing. I can send you a few linkd if you need them.

    ‘ave a good Australia Day.

  99. Comment by Gordon in Melbourne | 01.25.2010 | 3:10 am

    Thanks Razor but the links I think you are talking about are already in my favourites.

    Same to you and have a lamb chop for Sam Kekovich

  100. Comment by Gav | 01.25.2010 | 3:36 am

    Donate the lids to the local Tattoo parlor and they can give them to the super cool guys and girls who like to stretch their ear lobes to an enormous size. They can start out with the small colored lids and work their way up to the big black model.

    Super cheap and effective.


  101. Comment by soror ienai | 01.25.2010 | 3:53 am

    I like that pee bottle idea!! I might even try it. And cookie sis just brilliant!!!
    I have only three( riding for two years) but had my fist mould mishap, recently.
    The bottle is see thru, but covered in grease marks. SOO, I had added some fructose and forgot and left bottel to marinate for who knows how long. Then, grabbing bottle, I decided to take a swig before I went riding. The balck grease marks had obscured, a floating island of balck mould – which I nearly drank ewwwwwwwww.
    I wish I hadnt had that first gulp either…:(

  102. Comment by Laura | 01.25.2010 | 8:36 am

    I used some old bottles with their appropriate lids to make small first aid kits with my girl scout troup. You can use the kits on your bike as they fit nicely in your already installed water bottle holder or stash one in the car for skinned knees and such when you are out and about. With the lid shut they are waterproof-ish. We spraypainted them with white spray paint and drew red crosses on them with Sharpies.

  103. Comment by rsmullen | 01.25.2010 | 10:42 am

    Reduce! Don’t take something you don’t need just because it is free. That’s right, hand it right back to the race organizers. Buy a couple of high quality bottles that last.

    Reuse: Lot’s of great ideas here, in addition to simply getting all the life possible out of them.

    Recycle: When you do need new bottles, don’t buy or accept non-recyclable plastics.

  104. Comment by robert orler | 01.25.2010 | 2:26 pm

    Fatty are you kidding me? My wife loses bottle caps as often as she loses matching socks. I am always on the search for the right cap!
    I would like to start a grass roots effort for making it an requirment for all bottles to have the exact same cap!

  105. Comment by Sparky | 01.26.2010 | 4:01 am

    use them as piss-bottles, save you having to stink up the garden bed outside the garage to take a wiz. Just fill er up and hoik it over the neighbours fence.

  106. Comment by Weaky6 | 01.26.2010 | 1:27 pm

    I suggest turning them upside down and hanging them from strings to make your very own bird feeder with multi level platforms. Squirrels would fall off, but little itty bitty birds could land, eat and enjoy water and seeds. I will work on a prototype brooo!

  107. Comment by Weaky6 | 01.26.2010 | 1:29 pm

    Oh yeah, I am going to submit your idea to ReadyMade Magazine editors. (i know someone that works there ;-) this magazine does just what your looking for. Repurposing and reusing items into something useful. We/they will be in touch fatty.

  108. Pingback by Cycling Mid-Week News Round Up | Cycling Shoes Direct | 02.3.2010 | 9:32 am

    [...] Funny – Alternative uses for waterbottles [Fat Cyclist] [...]

  109. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » The 2011 Fat Cyclist Gear Pre-Order Starts Now | 07.11.2010 | 11:01 pm

    [...] I don’t use any non-Cambelbak-made bottles anymore. I just don’t. In fact, you may remember I found alternative uses for all my old bottles. [...]

  110. Comment by metal water bottles | 07.29.2010 | 9:41 am

    LOL. This thread should be an advertisement for companies to promote BPA free products! Plastic bottles are certainly a thing of the past

  111. Comment by Emily | 03.20.2011 | 7:08 am

    This made my day. Cracking up! It does bring up a good point though. We need to think about our water bottle consumption. More bottles need to be recycled, or bottled water needs to just be eliminated. Reusable bottles all the way!

    Thanks for posting, I got a good laugh :).


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