It is? OK, I kind of thought so.
But I can’t help it. I’m excited. I’m excited because last year I loved the stories people sent in and I’m excited to read — and post — more of them this year.
I’m excited because I’ve got awesome schwag for everyone, as well as some very cool “door prizes” a few people are going to be surprised with.
I’m excited because this year we’re all going to watch a not-yet-available-to-the-public movie while we ride — and it’s topical and everything!
Most of all, though, I’m excited because together we’re going to have a lot of fun and a little bit of suffering together while we raise a bunch of money for Team Fatty’s LiveStrong challenge.
We’re having fun, getting schwag, getting a really hard workout, being ridiculous and giving cancer the finger — all at the same time.
Or read on for details.
What Is the 100 Miles of Nowhere?
The 100 Miles of Nowhere is a race without a place. It’s an event in which hundreds of people participate . . . all by ourselves.
It’s a very strange thing where you pay $95 for the privilege of riding your rollers, trainer, or a very small course (like around the block) for 100 miles. And then the profits from your entry go to LiveStrong, to help them as they help people, worldwide, in their battles against cancer.
I did the first annual one by myself, back before I knew it would be annual at all. The second one a bunch of us — from all around the world — did together, and people sent in their stories, many of which I published here.
This year, the “official” date of the race is Saturday, May 8, and the time is whenever is convenient for you.
And, thanks to the flexibility of the event — i.e., it’s just you, really — if May 8 doesn’t work for you, you can do it another day.
Like in October, if you feel like it.
And also, the “100 Miles” part is more of a guideline than a rule. For example, if you would rather ride 50 miles, that’s fine with me. So is 25.
Or if you’re a runner and you want to do a marathon on the treadmill, that would be awesome. If you’re a swimmer, swim five miles. I’m not picky.
And of course, the very best thing about the 100 Miles of Nowhere is that you are going to win your division. You just need to make sure your division is specific enough that there’s no chance anyone else is in it.
For example, I’m pretty sure I’m going to win the “Middle-Aged Cycling Satire Bloggers Based Out of Alpine, Utah” division.
In fact, I hope to dominate that category.
What Do You Get?
I have mentioned, a time or fifty, that one of my most impressive superpowers is the ability to ask companies for stuff. I’m completely unashamed. And, as it turns out, when I have a good cause, companies are more than willing to help out.
Yep, it’s true: most companies are full of people who like to do something good, and interesting, and unique.
So here are the cool things you’re going to get from the very cool sponsors of this year’s 100 Miles of Nowhere:
The T-Shirt: I love Twin Six designs, and I love the way they use nice American Apparel t-shirts to print those designs on, so I have an event t-shirt I’ll actually wear. The shirt is up at the top of this post, but what the heck
A free online viewing of Ride the Divide, a film following racers in last year’s Great Divide Race. This movie — not yet available to the public — will be online and exclusively available to participants in the 100 Miles of Nowhere on May 8. Furthermore, Mike Dion — a Friend of Fatty and one of the stars of the movie — will be riding the 100 Miles of Nowhere with me and anyone who chooses to join me in the bike shop where I’ll be doing this event. Check out the trailer:
A Clif Bar, a package of Shot Bloks, and a package of Shot Roks: My love of Shot Bloks (except the Margarita ones) is well known. What I have not mentioned, however, is that I think the new White Chocolate Macadamia Clif Bar is incredibly delicious. Like, cookie-delicious. And the Shot Roks are the tastiest protein fuel-type food I’ve ever had.
And I’m not just saying that because Shot Roks are the only tasty protein fuel-food I’ve ever eaten. Even though they are.
The important thing is, Clif is coming out with energy food that you will — get this — actually enjoy eating.
Which seems like a brilliant achievement, in spite of it being obvious.
But if it’s so obvious, how come nobody else is doing it?
DZ Nuts Sampler : A while back, I reviewed Dave Zabriskie’s Nuts. And I was glad I did, because that opened the door for a 4 sample packets of this taintastic chamois lube. As part of your 100 Miles of Nowhere Schwag kit, you’re going to get to get four sample packs of DZ Nuts, and you’ll probably want to use one of those sample packs during the event itself.
Imagine: you’re going to get to liberally apply the same stuff to your chamois that Dave Zabriskie does. It’s like a dream come true.
And then you should feel perfectly at easy making “taint” jokes for the next several hours.
It’s your right as a consumer of DZ Nuts.
CarboRocket : It’s kind of awesome having one of your best friends be a wild-eyed inventor and entrepreneur. It’s even more awesome when one of his ideas turns out to be really great. My friend Brad is this inventor, and CarboRocket is — without question — the best sports drink in the universe. As a participant in the 100 Miles of Nowhere, you’ll get to try it out for yourself and see if you agree. I kinda think you will.
You’ll get two single-serving packets of this all-natural, mild-tasting sports drink. And then you’ll wish you had more.
Banjo Brothers Mini Seat Bag: You know who the first advertiser I ever had was? You know who the first company that ever did giveaways with me was? In both cases, it was Banjo Brothers, a small company making great bags for cyclists. I have this Mini Seat Bag on every single bike I own — both road and mountain.
You can fit a tube, a couple CO2 cartridges and adapter, a tire lever, and a small bike tool in there. And a couple of bills, in case you want to stop at a convenience store. It’s honestly about as perfect of an unobtrusive bike bag as there could be, by a couple of guys who ride bikes and know what cyclists need.
Follow Kevin’s voyage of learning some words you probably don’t know, along with the deeper meaning of some words maybe you thought you knew.
This is a book I think you’ll want to share. And also, you may want to spend a few minutes thinking about the fact that poor Kevin’s going to have to autograph 500 books.
Which cracks me up, for some reason.
Timex: A cap, to hide your helmet hair after the ride. And also to fool people into assuming that maybe you’ve done an Ironman or something. For once, let people’s false assumptions work in your favor.
“100% Clean” Garmin-Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottle : I have re-purposed all of my old bottles because I love the new Camelbak Podium Bottles so much. And while I normally ask you to buy one with my logo on it, if you’re doing the 100 Miles of Nowhere, you get a Garmin-Slipstream one for free.
I love the way this team supports us in the fight against cancer. And I’m sure Lance does too.
What Else Might You Get?
I’m currently working on some awesome “door prizes” to give to some lucky random people. I haven’t nailed all of these prizes down, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see the following go into some schwag boxes:
- Watches from Timex
- A book written and autographed by Bike Snob NYC
- A couple of iPods donated by GroundForce IT
- Some super high-end backcountry snowshoes and poles from Easton Mountain Products.
How will you know if you’ve won one of these door prizes? Easy. It’ll be in your schwag box.
Expect more info on door prizes later this week.
How Do You Register?
Registering for the 100 Miles of Nowhere is easy. Go over to Twin Six — this page if you’re a man, or this page if you’re a woman — and pick the size of T-shirt you want, then pay the $95 registration.
In late April / early May, you’ll get your kit, and you’ll be all set to go.
Now, there are a couple things you need to be aware of:
- You can do this race anywhere: One of the nice things about 100 Miles to Nowhere is that it can be anywhere. I’ve had people ask me if they can do the race in Europe and Canada, and the answer is yes. Shipping might be a little more, and your schwag box may not get to you by race day, but that shouldn’t stop you from signing up.
- The race is capped at 500: The sponsors of this event have very real costs associated with this event, and since — mostly — it’s small companies sponsoring the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I need to assure them that they’re not going to have to come up with — for example — 2000 seat bags. So, once we hit 500 participants, registration is over. If we don’t hit the 500 participants, registration goes through March 28. You should know, however, that more than 150 people signed up before I even posted today’s entry, so I have a feeling this thing’s gonna fill up. I wouldn’t delay if I were you.
Got a question? Leave it in the comments. I’ll answer it in comments — or if it seems like something a lot of people are wondering, I’ll update this post.
And In Conclusion…
This will be a lot of fun, and it will be very stupid, and it will do a lot of good.
Thanks for racing nowhere for 100 miles with me!
PS: If you’re a fan of Twin Six art and want to proclaim your 100 Miles of Nowhere loyalty on your computer, you’ll find a desktop-ready image here.