My Ironman Training is Progressing Apace

03.25.2010 | 10:37 am

A Note from Fatty to Utah Participants in the 100 Miles of Nowhere: If you’re in Utah County or SLC, why don’t you come do the 100 Miles of Nowhere with me? There’ll be food, fun, movies, the guy from Ride the Divide, and probably some cool giveaways. Send me an email right away, letting me know you’re interested. I need to get a headcount.

The St. George Ironman is barely a month a way, which means I should probably start training for it sometime within the next three weeks.

Ha ha! I’m just kidding, of course. I’m hard at work, training for the Ironman. Otherwise, how can I possibly hope to win it!

Specifically, I am concentrating on my transitions.

The Importance of Transitions

For those poor saps out there who don’t know what a triathlon “transition” is, let me explain. The transition is the part of the tri (those of us in the know call the noble sport of triathlon “tri”) where you stop doing one sport, change into a new outfit, and then begin the next sport.

It’s also when you make a very important mental transition, telling yourself things like, “I am no longer a swimmer who is out for blood. Now I am a wobbly cyclist who can’t hold a line.”

Transitions are widely known as the third most exciting part of a triathlon. Partly because there’s a good chance you’re going to see someone naked, partly because everyone’s so agitated and panicked that they tend to bumble about comically, tripping in their shorts and putting their shoes on the wrong feet.

By the way, in case you’re interested, the second most exciting part of a triathlon is the start of the swim, because that is a huge, bloody battle and a fun place to make bets on how many racers, after the start, are left stunned and bobbing facedown in the water, having received a debilitating kick to the head.

A well-executed transition can happen in under two minutes, while a poorly-executed transition may take up to two and a half minutes. Which can totally make all the difference.

And that is why I have begun devoting ninety minutes each day to doing transition drills, developing my skills and technique.

My Transition Strategy

As an aspiring triathlete, it’s very important to me that I do everything in the most efficient way possible. Toward that end, I am currently testing a number of transitioning strategies, timing them to see which is the fastest. Here is the short list from which I hope to soon choose a final transition technique:

  • Garanimals: In this scenario, I simply have everything I need for every event kept in one giant tote bag. Cleverly, I have sewn brightly colored patches of cloth onto each item belonging to each event. Everything for the bike has a green patch. Everything for he run has a red patch. So, when I get into the transition area, I simply begin grabbing stuff out. If it has the appropriate color of patch, I put it on. It’s as simple as it is elegant. Sadly, I am red/green colorblind, so thus far I have had limited success with this this strategy
  • The Onion Method: I begin the day by putting on my running shorts and shirt. Over this, I put my bib shorts, then cycling jersey. Then my socks: a pair of running socks, covered by a pair of cycling socks. Then my cycling helmet, covered with a swim cap. Then, finally, my wetsuit. Then, as I finish each porition of the event, I merely peel off a layer, put on the appropriate shoes, and go. So far, the only problems I have are chafing, getting the wetsuit over all these clothes, and the fact that I am completely immobile and lose circulation to my arms and legs with this getup on. Which are minor problems, really; I’m pretty sure I can work them out..
  • Go for Simplicity: While both my above solutions are excellent in their own right, I’ve been considering just doing the entire race — the swim, the bike ride, and the run — in my awesome Aqua Sphere Icon Wetsuit. For one thing, I would save a huge amount of time otherwise expended in stripping the wetsuit. For another thing, I look and feel like a superhero in that wetsuit and would intimidate other competitors if I were to wear it. Especially if I wore a cape (a short one for the ride to keep it out of the moving parts of my bike, a longer cape for the run, so it would billow more fully). Best of all, I think I would lose about 80 pounds by wearing the wetsuit through the entire Ironman, so would finally be able to stop dieting.

My Transition Technique

Naturally, my transition strategy — no matter how brilliantly conceived — won’t work if I can’t execute it flawlessly. To ensure that I will be able to save the precious seconds in my race, I have begun serious training (all triathlete training must be conducted seriously) in transition speed and endurance.

For example, this morning I did 15 “reps” of transitioning from my wetsuit into my biking clothes. And I am exhausted. I tell you what: I have totally new respect for triathletes after that.

Tomorrow, my workout will be all about transitioning from cycling to running gear. Because this is an easier change, I plan to do “speed transition drills,” changing back and forth between cycling and running clothes up to 50 times.

And on Saturday — my long workout day — I hope to do transitioning “bricks,” where I change from the wetsuit to cycling clothes, then to running clothes. I will repeat this transitioning workout until I am simply too tired to zip up the wetsuit anymore.

This is ambitious, I know. But I — like all triathletes — am very serious about my transitioning.

In fact, I am so serious about my transitions, that I am focusing on them exclusively, figuring that if I can change clothes and get out on the course as fast as possible, the rest of the Ironman — the swimming, biking, and running parts — will kind of take care of themselves.

I can hardly wait for the transitions to begin!

201003251026.jpgPS to 100 Miles of Nowhere Participants: You know how I said that participants in the 100 Miles of Nowhere would get a Banjo Brothers Mini Seat Bag? Well, the guys at Banjo Brothers took a look at their inventory and found that they don’t have 500 of that Mini Seat Bag. So — awesome guys that they are — they’re instead going to give participants the Deluxe Mini Seat Bag. It’s the same size, but comes with better construction and little pockets that make it easy to organize the stuff in the bag.

Huge thanks to the Banjo Brothers guys for taking a little problem and turning it into a big win for the 100 Miles of Nowhere participants.

PPS: I hear that Willie of Willie’s Dawgs in Brooklyn noticed my niece wearing her Fat Cyclist t-shirt a few days ago, and said he reads the blog. So: a shout-out to Willie, as well as to my niece, who is brave enough to wear a “Fat Cyclist” t-shirt to school. (My own children will do no such thing.)


  1. Comment by Dave | 03.25.2010 | 10:43 am

    I need to know, what is first most exciting part of a triathlon? Tell me, please.

    That spot is intentionally left blank, just in case I someday find something about Ironman that is genuinely interesting.

    It could happen. – FC

  2. Comment by judi | 03.25.2010 | 10:56 am

    fatty, you are always good for a belly laugh. :) my t-times fir imky were over 10 minutes each. i spent a lot of time hanging out with my volunteer, taking advil, drinking muscle milk, freaking out…you will have a blast. i so cannot wait for a race report.

  3. Comment by Ron | 03.25.2010 | 10:59 am

    You know that they have people to help you with the wet suit. Maybe you should have a pit crew to help you change or use Velcro so you can just rip it off.

    I’ve actually been working on an invention to expedite removal of the wetsuit. I don’t want to give too much away, but my working name for the product is called “Explod-a-Zip.”

    Apart from some minor second-degree burns, I’m quite pleased with it. – FC

  4. Comment by Jamieson | 03.25.2010 | 10:59 am

    The transitions in your old Tri were much more fun…. bike, brat, beer, repeat.

    Nice to see the respect from Brooklyn.

  5. Comment by Kat | 03.25.2010 | 11:03 am

    I’ve decided that instead of actually going on dates to screen potential romantic suitors I’m going to send guys links to your blog: if they like it, they have a sense of humor and they get a date; if not they’re out. Although you’re so funny I wonder if it will be a wash. If nothing else, thanks for the laughs!

  6. Comment by Joe | 03.25.2010 | 11:05 am

    I wasn’t quick enough for the 100 miles sign up! Any chance for a -shirt only- sign up option? If so I’d strongly consider adopting and practicing the “onion transition strategy” using 100 miles of nowhere shirt as my cycling layer for Ironman 70.3 Kansas the following month. Depending on my swim it could be quite the oxymoron (or not pending a face kick in 0 visibility water). My transitions certainly couldn’t get any worse!

    BTW – Thanks for the Ironman posts.. It takes an edge off the training for sure!

  7. Comment by Paul G | 03.25.2010 | 11:06 am

    I will say, Fatty, that I did see a 2010 FC Orange jersey going through Central Park last Saturday. I was on a run, but it looked to be worn with pride….

  8. Comment by mark | 03.25.2010 | 11:19 am

    I think you should just do the whole event naked and barefoot.

  9. Comment by Fat Cathy | 03.25.2010 | 11:31 am

    dang! mark beat me to that snarky naked comment.

  10. Comment by Roger Whitney | 03.25.2010 | 11:34 am

    BRILLIANT Mark!!!!!!!!!

  11. Comment by SM | 03.25.2010 | 11:37 am

    Did you know that in Ironman, they actually have wetsuit peelers? People actually remove your wetsuit for you!

    Check out the video here –

    Love your blog!

  12. Comment by bikemike | 03.25.2010 | 11:38 am

    i’ve got my scrambled egg to waffle transition down to a couple of days a week. i’m thinking about bringing oatmeal into the mix but at this point i’m afraid.

  13. Comment by Fish | 03.25.2010 | 11:45 am

    Now that I know that they have wetsuit peelers, I am certain that I will never, ever, ever volunteer to help at an Ironman. Sure, some Ironman participants are super fit, and it would be a pleasure to peel their wetsuits, but then you’ve got to deal with the slower people, older, uglier, wrinklier people, and I can only imagine how ghastly it would be to peel their suits. That has to be the job that the give to the newbs.

  14. Comment by Wes | 03.25.2010 | 11:49 am

    Don’t forget to wear your spider man underwear… Those always get huge rounds of applause in the changing tent….

  15. Comment by Drdave | 03.25.2010 | 11:50 am

    Cool biz on the seat bag. Was thinking of my route I plan to take for the 100 miles. Living in a very small town may have bene’s that I have not yet considered. I might just have a cheering section and an aid station.

  16. Comment by MattC | 03.25.2010 | 12:08 pm

    I’m also working diligently on my transitions, as part of my “I’m NOT training for an Ironman” training regimine. The first transition is from work clothes to my jammies…I can do that in about 1.5 minutes now (it’s the hopping up and down on 1 leg to remove the socks that is the critical part here). The next transition comes shortly after that as I work my way into the computer chair in the ‘office’. That is always a risky move…the chair has wheels AND it spins. You can really get hurt on this one of you do it wrong (ceramic tile floor). And the third and final transition is from the computer chair to the couch for some TV watchin’. This is the most crucial transition. You can actually strain your back getting out of the chair (remember the wheels and spinning part?) and it takes some serious core fitness to pull this opening move correctly… and THEN you have to ever-so-perfectly plop down in just the right TV Viewing position, able to reach both the stereo AND TV remotes from your new aerodynamic position. I have each of these transitions down to the absolute minimum time / effort though….I AM a professional after all!

  17. Comment by Roses | 03.25.2010 | 12:21 pm

    I vote for naked and barefoot. Why not show those Ironman competitors what you’re really made of?!

  18. Comment by hillbilly | 03.25.2010 | 12:29 pm

    willie’s are awesome. and I frequently wear my team fatty jersey with pride doing laps in the park

  19. Comment by Greg | 03.25.2010 | 12:30 pm

    I was going to ask exactly what Dave did… and now it turns out that someone has already asked the question, and they didn’t even get a good answer.

    Haha, well so much for that!

    Whaddaya mean “didn’t get a good answer.” I thought that was an excellent answer. – FC

  20. Comment by brian | 03.25.2010 | 12:42 pm

    No capes!

  21. Comment by Edna Mole | 03.25.2010 | 12:44 pm

    NO CAPES!!!

  22. Comment by Jodi | 03.25.2010 | 12:44 pm

    Paul G + Hillbilly:

    I saw a FC jersey on Sunday in Central Park also. But it was a pink/black combo. I was going to yell something really awesome, but then came up with, “………” and then he was gone.

    I texted Fatty right away (I’m his sister so I have his phone number. Totally willing to sell the number, if you’re interested…) and told him NYC was reprezenting!

    Viva La Fatty!

  23. Comment by Jodi | 03.25.2010 | 12:45 pm

    Oh YEH – and Viva La Willies Dawgs BKLYN!

  24. Comment by taxmuffin | 03.25.2010 | 12:46 pm

    When will there be “Fat Triathlete” gear? I already wear my Fat Cyclist gear at triathlons, but I need something “fat” to swim in!

  25. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 03.25.2010 | 12:58 pm

    I am just starting my “tri” training and have not practiced the transitions yet (I’ve done brick workouts, but I haven’t tried changing the outfits at speed). I’m mostly concerned about all the little things that I want to wear for the bike – shoes, socks, jersey, helmet, sun glasses, gloves. And how the heck am I going to fit my coffee and bagel into that two minutes?

  26. Comment by NYCCarlos | 03.25.2010 | 1:22 pm

    Jodi – Mighta been me! I was out on Sunday in my FC pink! :)

  27. Comment by DNAtsol | 03.25.2010 | 1:27 pm

    Having just read your previous post and this one, I think this image might also serve as a valuable motivator (on multiple levels) :)


  28. Comment by Clydesteve | 03.25.2010 | 1:28 pm

    Long, long ago I (hating swimming) did duathlons, which are a tri sans swimming. I would actually come in top 20 in the opening hilly 30K ride part, and with 10-14 minute times, get red lantern for the transition. The 5K run was done on legs fried on the climbs and stoved up from the leasurly transition. Meaning slow & jerky.

  29. Comment by Noodle | 03.25.2010 | 1:32 pm

    Is this a sightings thread? I saw a runner on the Brooklyn Bridge wearing a FC jersey (pink version) as I rode to work on Tuesday. I nearly said something, but she had headphones in and it would have just looked like I was mouthing something harassing.

    But speaking of triathletes, I rode with one on Saturday and schooled the poor boy on how to change a tire since his way was very inefficient. I was very excited as this is the first time I have ever been the more experienced cyclist. I would like to use the word ’superior’ but I feel that makes me seem less humble (plus he’s an amazing runner trying to get better at cycling). Ok, I’ll stop rambling now…

  30. Comment by Scott M | 03.25.2010 | 1:34 pm

    So, as an in the know guy, if triathlon is a ‘tri’ what is a triathletes called?

    A ‘tri-at’? or ‘t-lete’?

    Inquiring minds need to know.

  31. Comment by Dave | 03.25.2010 | 1:57 pm

    I think that in your case the first best thing will being done.

  32. Comment by Linda | 03.25.2010 | 2:48 pm

    hey Fish…the only reason those people are old and wrinkly is because they just got out of the water! have some respect man…:)

  33. Comment by Alyson | 03.25.2010 | 2:57 pm

    I vote for naked, no shoes, and the short cape!:-) I think there is a large chance that you could win wearing that….or get arrested. But either way, you would get awesome publicity!:-)

  34. Comment by the weak link | 03.25.2010 | 3:13 pm

    I couldn’t help but notice that many of the commenters here are female and want to see you naked.

    Frankly transitions don’t make a bit of sense to me, as the rubber invariably meets, and melts, on the road during the run. After the swim and cycling you’ll be lucky if you can walk.

    Good luck anyway.

  35. Comment by the weak link | 03.25.2010 | 3:20 pm

    One other thing. I just watched the youtube Ironman videos. You’ll never convince me that the “tri’s” aren’t drafting off each other, no matter how much they tri to hide it. Some of them weren’t hiding it very well. Cheaters.

  36. Comment by Marla Gnarla | 03.25.2010 | 3:57 pm

    Banjo Brothers rule!

  37. Comment by GenghisKhan | 03.25.2010 | 3:59 pm

    If we’re voting, consider this one vote for capes–Twin Six got anything?

  38. Comment by Jodi | 03.25.2010 | 4:16 pm

    Well I AM hijacking this thread and turning it into a sightings page because it seems we’re all connected –

    NYCCarlos! – Well that very well could have been you. Awesome. It was around 2 or so, near the Dairy, on that main road (can’t remember what it’s called).

    Noodle – Well that very well could have been ME. I run the Brooklyn Bridge a few times per week – usually in my pink fatty jersey. Always with headphones. Next time give me the thumbs up. I always take that as a fatty-friend.

  39. Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 03.25.2010 | 5:11 pm

    In my first tri I took 12+ minutes in each transition – changed my clothes, ate a banana, used the port-a-potty, took photos. It was fun!

  40. Comment by Jenni Laurita | 03.25.2010 | 6:33 pm

    I vote for you wearing only a cape, and swimming in your cycling shoes.

    Thumbs up as the official fatty-friend salut. I’m in, maybe I’ll see y’all around the NYC area. I’ll be the one on the pink Sweetpea bike.

  41. Comment by hannah | 03.25.2010 | 6:37 pm

    Yes! A Twin Six/Fat Cyclist cape! I like this idea! That’s totally what you should wear in the Ironman, Fatty.

  42. Pingback by Cross Fitness | | 03.25.2010 | 7:02 pm

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  43. Comment by bubba seadog | 03.25.2010 | 7:15 pm

    i thought transistors were little radios from the 60s cant wait for the nowhere ride can i bring along a transistor you migt take one on your ironman hookked up to a bose wave speaker might keep you turning the cranks

  44. Comment by VeloLoser | 03.25.2010 | 7:16 pm

    Willie’s Dawgs has veggie hot dogs on challah! I’m going to ride my bike to New York!

  45. Comment by Gordon In Melb, Australia | 03.25.2010 | 8:02 pm

    I suggest that part of your serious training include watching Wallace and Grommit, The Wrong Trousers. I’m sure it will give you some great ideas.

  46. Comment by Waterlilykari | 03.25.2010 | 8:21 pm

    As a fan of tri events, I have to comment that its worth looking at those outfits they call Zoot Suits you wear through everything, not beig a triathlete myself I have no idea how well they feel or perform but they sure look pretty spiffy and not having to strip when you have a sinking feeling you were in just long enough to be turned into a walking prune.

  47. Comment by Tree | 03.25.2010 | 9:09 pm

    Naked, shoeless with the cape placed in a unique spot to prevent arrest and still flow heroically.

    …Now the size of the cape…..oooohhhh let’s not go there.

  48. Comment by Joel P. | 03.25.2010 | 9:22 pm

    MattC, you seem to be training much harder for the IANDAI than I am. I keep putting both legs down the same hole on the jammies.
    Joel P.

  49. Comment by Jim Ristow | 03.25.2010 | 11:01 pm

    Love the humor. Let me know if these ideas work and I will incorporate them into my IMWI training.

  50. Comment by Constantin | 03.26.2010 | 2:19 am

    I would love to participate in the 100 Miles To Nowhere… Too bad I live in Europe…

  51. Comment by Jenn | 03.26.2010 | 3:00 am

    @Constantin – 100 MoN is open to everyone, everywhere. Or it was, anyway. Until it wasn’t. But it is. I crack myself up.

    My transition from fat winter sloth to svelte summer cyclist is progressing nicely. Turns out, Germany is a cyclists’ (and rollerbladers’) heaven. A few more weeks of this and I shall be able to drink all the beer I want, without regard to calories. I eat (And drink. And eat some more.), therefore I bike.

  52. Comment by StopSign | 03.26.2010 | 4:10 am

    @Jenn Where are you in Germany? I too think its well worth the extra miles for a beer or a few beers. Plus, the drivers here are so much nicer!

    My transition from hiding indoors, sheltered from the snow and cold, to venturing outdoors. While my general lack of color is frightening, I’m working on it and haven’t had anybody crash because of the glare.

  53. Comment by Mike Roadie | 03.26.2010 | 5:03 am

    I tried to get a friend to wear “Fat” while I wore “Cyclist”, but she wouldn’t go for it……loser.

  54. Comment by sllym | 03.26.2010 | 8:18 am

    You gotta rock a cape. That would be awesome. SuperFatty!

  55. Comment by kenny | 03.26.2010 | 8:45 am

    I’ll lend you my daisy dukes. They have a huge intimidation factor.

  56. Comment by MattC | 03.26.2010 | 8:58 am

    @Joel P…Dude…I am SO not ready to do an Ironman! I’m on the very tip-top of my game actually! I believe that my INDAI training peaked just this week…which is perfect timing. Now if I can just hold this high level of non-Tri-fitness through the entire season…its gonna be rough I tell ya!

  57. Comment by Viva los 80s | 03.26.2010 | 9:11 am

    When Lance won the USA Triathlon Champs in 1989 ( ), he did the bike leg in just a yellow speedo and helmet, and then put on a white athletics singlet and visor for the run… I just sayin’

  58. Comment by M. L. | 03.26.2010 | 9:14 am

    Re: PPS and sightings, I think “Willie” might actually be Mike. But whatever his name, he runs a great place. Go support your local hot dog stand!

  59. Comment by Dan in Sac | 03.26.2010 | 9:31 am

    So do those athletes “in-the-know” call transitions Trannies? “Hey, how’s your Tranny practice going?”

  60. Comment by eclecticdeb | 03.26.2010 | 11:07 am

    I can’t believe your first Tri is going to be a full Ironman. Yikes!! All I can muster is an Olympic distance, and that’s PLENTY for me. The upside is that IM get help out of the wetsuit, us OLY racers have to figure that out ourselves. I’m sure that makes up for the “extra” 120K on the bike and 30K run.

    I have lot’s of transition stories to share: There’s the one where I put on the wrong shoes for the bike leg — thankfully someone yelled at me as I was running through the transition area.

    Or the time that I had WAY too much time before my race start, started fiddling with my bike, and managed to lose the seat post thingy, causing my seat to thump all the way to the tube within 1 mile. THAT was not a fun ride.

    Good Luck!

  61. Comment by sean | 03.26.2010 | 2:09 pm

    I’d love to hear your take on how you would train for the St. George marathon this fall if you were to run it.

    I think you have some valuable training techniques.

  62. Comment by Lori | 03.26.2010 | 2:12 pm

    I sometimes see a middle-schooler in my Brooklyn kitchen wearing a FC tee. Says you’re her uncle and often asks for hot dog money.

  63. Comment by Philly Jen | 03.26.2010 | 3:23 pm

    Wow, Fatty, you now have a banner ad that proclaims:

    discover delicious ways to show your pheelings

    Apparently they all have to do with a certain geographically named brand of cream cheese. To which I can only say:

    I pheel phat, thanks.

  64. Comment by Tammy | 03.26.2010 | 4:03 pm

    Dear Mr. F. Cyclist

    I ran my first marathon in 2008 (The marathon actually I figured if I had to work that damn hard I deserved a trip to greece too) and am thinking about training for a tri or half marathon.

    I already swim 5 times a week in a conditioning swim and average about 2700m per one hour swim, so I’m not worried about the swim, and I still run three times a week so I’m sure I could train back up to be fit however… I honest to god never learned how to ride a bike. Once the training wheels were gone I flat out refused and then as a teen my mom ran over my head with her bike after i bailed on my bike in front of her…. I assume this will be a problem…

    Any advice? Or advice on a cheap enough but decent enough bike to train on that will withstand the multiple crashes I plan on having?

  65. Comment by Derek | 03.26.2010 | 5:08 pm

    I’d be interested in the explode a zip if you could ignite with about 500m left in the swim for extra propulsion. Let me know if there’s a deluxe package.

    Hope the trainings going well, I’m training for my first sprint in may and I’ve signed up for a half in November. Just slightly more time to train than you but I’m no Fatty(well I kinda am, but not THE fatty).

  66. Comment by Jenn | 03.27.2010 | 12:39 am

    @StopSign – we’re in Heidelberg area. I wrote a blog post yesterday about how happy I am with the cycling here (not posted yet) – it’s heaven!! I’ve even broken out the rollerblades for the first time in a few years. Love it! Where are you, and how long have you been here? Click my name to link over to the blog and email me from there!

  67. Comment by Robin | 03.27.2010 | 5:59 pm

    You might want to check out the Borat thong (just google it), it seems like an all-purpose tri suit that wouldn’t leave the lady commenters here wanting for too much skin.

    Other than that, best Ironman transition advice I ever got was Don’t Forget the Sunscreen. There are some lobsters out there on the bike and run courses who missed that one.

  68. Comment by Robin | 03.27.2010 | 6:02 pm

    Just realized you can add images. Here it is, perfect iron gear:

  69. Comment by axel in texas | 03.29.2010 | 1:23 pm

    the best part about an Ironman?
    it is the story telling in the years after!
    If your ironman goes to smooth, and you don’t have good stories to tell, you really messed up and have to do it again.

  70. Comment by M. L. | 03.31.2010 | 5:07 pm

    OK, I confirmed it. Tom runs Willie’s Dawgs. If anyone calls the place and asks for Willie, Tom tells him or her Willie’s dead (Willie was Tom’s dog).

  71. Comment by thomas | 04.8.2010 | 9:06 pm

    Normally I get a huge laugh out of your columns. The way you mock triathletes really bothers me though. I’m guessing wacthing you swim is painful and your ego is going to make you push too hard on the bike. I am honestly hoping you bonk on the run.

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