Team QuickStep Announces It Is Trying To Find a Silver Lining

01.6.2011 | 11:40 am

January 6 (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – The racers of Team QuickStep took the occasion of today’s team photo shoot to announce that they, jointly, are doing their utmost to try to find the bright side in having Innergetic, a latex foam mattress core manufacturer, as one of their sponsors.


According to Gert Steegmans, as he did his best “come-hither” pose on a piece of foam (see above), “I can think of any number of ways this situation could be more undignified and humiliating. For example, another of our sponsors could be a cooking oil manufacturer, and another could be a prominent leather clothing and fetishist accessories designer.”

Others (pictured below) agreed.


“More than anything else,” said Tom Boonen, “I’m seriously weirded out that Gert (affectionately known to those of us on the team as “Gert”) snuggled up so close behind me. I mean, look at the distance I put between me and the guy in front of me, then check out the way Gert is totally spooning me. Believe me, it’s got me reconsidering my request for seating / sleeping arrangements on the bus.”

“But, yeah,” continued Boonen, “things could definitely be worse. They could have designed jammies with the same look as our cycling kits and made us wear those. Or they could have made us wear sleeping caps, or crowded us into the same bed.”

“Ordinarily, I’d be upset if everything but my left ear and part of my forehead got cropped out of a picture,” chimed in an unidentified (and unidentifiable) teammate. “This time, though, I’m totally cool with it.”

“Still,” concluded Boonen, “Couldn’t we have been sponsored by an Italian auto maker? Or maybe a video game console manufacturer?”

At this point, Gert spoke up. “You guys have no idea how much worse this photo shoot could have been. You should have been here in 2006. “


  1. Comment by NYCCarlos | 01.6.2011 | 11:52 am

    wow. just wow.

  2. Comment by Paul Guyot | 01.6.2011 | 11:54 am

    Dear God…

  3. Comment by centurion | 01.6.2011 | 11:58 am

    There is no dignity left in cycling.

  4. Comment by Dent | 01.6.2011 | 12:00 pm

    Good thing I’m too old to become a professional cyclist… These photos snuffed out the dream completely. I also followed the link back to the ‘06 photo shoot and Gert was right, it was much worse back then.

  5. Comment by KanyonKris | 01.6.2011 | 12:15 pm

    THAT’s why I’m not a pro cyclist.

  6. Comment by Jen | 01.6.2011 | 12:21 pm

    That is rather disturbing and I think, for me anyway, has the opposite effect of what advertising is supposed to have. Ewww.

  7. Comment by Skippy | 01.6.2011 | 12:42 pm

    @Paul Guyot your item got me going and when you see my blog you can see i kicked over the anthill !
    Only Gert’s photo up yet but got Tom’s bar tape from Dauphinee Libere on my bike, nice feel to it.
    Got out on the bike again today, need snow to keep me indoors on the tacx, use the latex for camping and exercise curls !

  8. Comment by Alison Wonderland | 01.6.2011 | 12:52 pm

    I’m with Jen on the Ewwww.

    But to you fatty, I say hahahaha.

  9. Comment by MattC | 01.6.2011 | 1:11 pm

    Makes you wonder about all the other pro teams in all of sport-dom…thankfully so far no Pro teams are sponsored by Trojan (or any one of their competitors)…That would make Gert’s spooning Tom seem pretty tame.

    I wish I could get sponsored by Gummy Bears. And I’m quite jealous of all the Jelly Belly guys. Or maybe, if I was REALLY lucky, I could land even a limited sponsorship by Krispy Kreme! Ahh…that would be the dream!

  10. Comment by GenghisKhan | 01.6.2011 | 1:12 pm

    I wish you would tell us that you Photoshopped those images, but I fear that they are the real McCoy.

    And, like KK, that’s the reason I, too, am not a professional cyclist…

  11. Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 01.6.2011 | 1:23 pm

    Scary photos! Something is very very wrong.

  12. Comment by Roger Whitney | 01.6.2011 | 1:41 pm


    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!! Get Twin Six to make a throwback Team Davitamon Shirt.

    I would SOOOOO wear it……(for Holloween)….or maybe at the 2011 LiveStrong Challenge

  13. Comment by jilrubia | 01.6.2011 | 1:58 pm

    Nope, the standing spoons is WAY worse than the stylishly edgy shirts of 2006. What would you do??? I may actually spontaneously throw up or something to get out of such a predicament. Oh man.

  14. Comment by Yodi-wan | 01.6.2011 | 2:15 pm

    For those of us still trying to convince our friends that professional cycling is a real sport, QuickStep is not helping. Really.

    And check out Spartacus in a Scarf (from the Leopard-Trek team presentation earlier today):

    Also not helping.

  15. Comment by Clydesteve | 01.6.2011 | 2:15 pm

    Re: the pingback to the 2006 coverage – I think it is significant, in that this article contains the only known photograph of Chris Horner not smiling while doing a cycling-related activity.

  16. Comment by Rockin Randy | 01.6.2011 | 2:40 pm

    Man I saw this yesterday and cracked up even before Fatty posted this. If I were a pro (which I’m obviously not) I would have a anti-humiliation clause written into my contract for stuff like this…but it is funny!

  17. Comment by Philly Jen | 01.6.2011 | 2:55 pm

    Do you really want to Gert me?
    Do you really want to make me cry?

    (That said, you can go ahead and sandwich me between Tom Boonen and Sylvain Chavanel any ol’ time, thanks.)

  18. Comment by cyclostu | 01.6.2011 | 3:01 pm

    I knew Gert was happy to be back on the team but he may be taking his joy a little too far!

    PS – Nice work Elden!

  19. Comment by Obstinate Roadie | 01.6.2011 | 3:01 pm

  20. Comment by Haven (KT) | 01.6.2011 | 3:19 pm



    Can we all agree that we didn’t see this? I may need to do something to cleanse my mind from those pictures.

    Oh, and Leopard-Trek? The team is sponsored by a cat and a bike company? I always thought cats didn’t like bikes. Too many moving parts.

  21. Comment by Haven (KT) | 01.6.2011 | 3:20 pm

    See, I was so discombobulated from those pictures I couldn’t even type correctly!

    I may need to do something to cleanse THOSE PICTURES FROM MY MIND. Switcharoo.

  22. Comment by rokrider | 01.6.2011 | 3:49 pm

    I think I’m beginning to see why doping is apparently so rampant in pro cycling.
    I mean, who couldn’t use a little something to numb the senses and kill the pain?

  23. Comment by Peter | 01.6.2011 | 4:45 pm

    At least they’ll have the best nights sleep during the GTs.

    Really though, what is the photographer on? They are the most creatively destitute professional shots I’ve seen for a long time. Sack that guy and hire a better photographer.

  24. Comment by JodieA | 01.6.2011 | 5:28 pm

    Holy Cow what were they thinking? As a pharmacist, I have to say there’s no drug powerful enough to wipe the memory of that embarrassment out of your mind. Maybe doping explains what is wrong with the photographer, though.

  25. Comment by stuckinmypedals | 01.6.2011 | 5:49 pm

    I was going to have an afternoon snack, but I’m left feeling a bit squeamish after seeing those photos. Wait just a sec, I think I might have figured out a way to lose a few pounds. Excuse me while I tape the pictures to my fridge.

  26. Comment by Lori Scheel | 01.6.2011 | 9:55 pm

    I’m not sure what it says about my life (perhaps that I don’t have much of one), but reading this post was the highlight of my day! Thanks FCFNS for the laugh. I needed it.

  27. Comment by roan | 01.6.2011 | 9:59 pm

    GEEZ ! Team Quick Step taking the pejorative to its worst…er best !
    Sorry Haven(KT)those are memory foam pillows.
    If you don’t believe me…just THINK…gotcha…4ever.

  28. Comment by Dan O | 01.7.2011 | 12:57 am

    I’m scared to fall asleep now…..

  29. Comment by Jenn | 01.7.2011 | 1:40 am

    WHEN will I learn not to read these posts with my morning coffee? Excuse me, I have to go change my shirt.

  30. Comment by Jed | 01.7.2011 | 5:50 am

    Anonymous men in skin-tight lycra using advertising dollars in a near porn format — The creeped-out-o-meter is now on the fritz.

  31. Comment by Jed | 01.7.2011 | 5:55 am

    Erm…on second view, is there something awry with the middle guy’s shorts, besides being the only one in black? Is he from Morningwood?

  32. Comment by McBain_v1 | 01.7.2011 | 5:56 am

    Reminds of the bit in “Dodgeball” where the team inadvertently have to wear fetish gear instead of their real kit…

    A “quick step” to the bog is required so I can puke having seen those photos.

  33. Comment by Cardiac Kid | 01.7.2011 | 6:38 am

    I bet there’s a follow up billboard add that has them all on one giant mattress.

  34. Comment by Saso | 01.7.2011 | 7:18 am

    My eyes hurt.

  35. Comment by Mandy | 01.7.2011 | 7:41 am

    OMG so freaking funny.

  36. Comment by Weiland | 01.7.2011 | 7:48 am

    I threw up a little in my mouth

  37. Comment by Lord Adamantine Sedgepig | 01.7.2011 | 8:58 am

    I think you are doing Gert a disservice. The reason his nether regions are jammed into Boonen’s buttocks are because Tom has backed into him – look at his bodyline compared to the others.

  38. Comment by Philly Jen | 01.7.2011 | 9:24 am

    @ Jed: Middle guy is Niki Terpstra, reigning road champion of (ahem) the Nether Lands. Srsly.

    The only problem with him is that he’s taking up my spot, right there between Chavanel and Boonen…

  39. Comment by Higgy | 01.7.2011 | 10:46 am

    This is the price they pay for free bikes.

  40. Pingback by Twitter Trackbacks for Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Team QuickStep Announces It Is Trying To Find a Silver Lining [] on | 01.7.2011 | 11:02 am

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  41. Comment by RP in SLC | 01.7.2011 | 1:08 pm

    So damn funny…. thank you, Fat Cyclist Fake News Service!

  42. Comment by MattC | 01.7.2011 | 2:14 pm

    @ Lord Adamantine, you are RIGHT! It IS Booned that has backed into Gert! I’m suprised Gert’s eyes aren’t WIDE OPEN in shock!

    And Philly Jenn…maybe Boonen would change places w/ you, and maybe not. That is indeed the question.

  43. Comment by MattC | 01.7.2011 | 2:14 pm

    Uhm, it was supposed to be “Boonen”, not “Booned”…see how shook up I am?

  44. Comment by roan | 01.7.2011 | 2:28 pm

    Really with a team name, Quick Step, a better sponsor would be a porta potty company. Fatty you should start such a company & place the potties for the White Rim Ride…logo could just be the name, “QUICK STEP”

  45. Comment by AngieG | 01.7.2011 | 4:38 pm

    Oh my!! That’s it…just Oh My!!


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