January 6 (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – The racers of Team QuickStep took the occasion of today’s team photo shoot to announce that they, jointly, are doing their utmost to try to find the bright side in having Innergetic, a latex foam mattress core manufacturer, as one of their sponsors.
According to Gert Steegmans, as he did his best “come-hither” pose on a piece of foam (see above), “I can think of any number of ways this situation could be more undignified and humiliating. For example, another of our sponsors could be a cooking oil manufacturer, and another could be a prominent leather clothing and fetishist accessories designer.”
Others (pictured below) agreed.
“More than anything else,” said Tom Boonen, “I’m seriously weirded out that Gert (affectionately known to those of us on the team as “Gert”) snuggled up so close behind me. I mean, look at the distance I put between me and the guy in front of me, then check out the way Gert is totally spooning me. Believe me, it’s got me reconsidering my request for seating / sleeping arrangements on the bus.”
“But, yeah,” continued Boonen, “things could definitely be worse. They could have designed jammies with the same look as our cycling kits and made us wear those. Or they could have made us wear sleeping caps, or crowded us into the same bed.”
“Ordinarily, I’d be upset if everything but my left ear and part of my forehead got cropped out of a picture,” chimed in an unidentified (and unidentifiable) teammate. “This time, though, I’m totally cool with it.”
“Still,” concluded Boonen, “Couldn’t we have been sponsored by an Italian auto maker? Or maybe a video game console manufacturer?”
At this point, Gert spoke up. “You guys have no idea how much worse this photo shoot could have been. You should have been here in 2006. “