A Note from Fatty About Registering for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, World Bicycle Relief Edition: You have until 6:00pm (ET) today to register for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, the proceeds of which will go to World Bicycle Relief. Check yesterday’s post for details.
Consider this: your registration buys just about half a bike, and that bike changes a life in a big way. And if, by chance, you register for both the LiveStrong and the WBR versions of the event, well, you get doubleplus good karma. Or your money back.
An Open Appeal to Someone With a Really Expensive Camera
I love super-duper slow-motion videos of everyday stuff. Like seeing someone get slapped in the face:
Or seeing someone get a soccer ball in the face:
Or seeing someone getting a water balloon in the face:
OK, it’s possible, I suppose, that I have chosen three needlessly violent examples here. To level things out a bit, here’s proof that non-evil things are at least moderately awesome in slow motion:
Did you know that spaghetti always breaks into multiple pieces when it snaps? Because I did not know that.
Oh, and water drops and fire and bubbles and other stuff are all fun to watch in slow motion, too.
But there’s something missing from the world of slow motion video. And I’ll bet you can guess what it is, what with the nature of this blog and stuff.
Bikes and Slow-Mo
I don’t know why — I suspect communists, but that may just be because of all the “duck and cover” exercises I did as an elementary school student — but there seems to be a serious lack of super slow-motion video of bikes on the Internet.
And that’s a crying shame.
I think you’ll join with me in wishing you could see, right this second, some or all of the following:
- Road sprint: In a bunch sprint at the end of a road stage, sprinters are applying huge forces to their bikes and selves. What do the handlebars look like as the sprinters wrench on them with all their might? How about the frames? How about the sprinters’ legs and arms? I imagine that — even with claims of 70% more rigid frames every single year – that there’d be some pretty impressive wobble in the frames. Oh, and lots of slow motion spit, too.
- Carbon MTB flex: As I rattled down Hog Hollow — a rocky doubletrack — on my FattyFly yesterday, I wondered to myself: what was going on with my bike? With every rock I hit, what was going on with the wheel? Were the spokes flexing? How about the rims? How much were the tires compressing? Since my frame and fork (and seatpost and handlebars) are carbon — which is really just a fancy plastic — would slow-mo reveal they ripple like jello as I took hit after hit? I would love to know.
- Fatty Flex: Oh, I guess I might as well admit that I’d be interested to see precisely how much my arms (and, alas, stomach) jiggle would be evident as I descended a rocky trail.
- MTB Suspension: What does the suspendy part of a suspension fork look like as you fly down a washboard road? How does it look when you land and bottom out after a big drop?
- MTB Wheel Taco: I once saw a guy drop down a steep gully, with the intent of riding up the other side. Unfortunately for him, when he reached the uphill part he had too much momentum too far forward and his front wheel crumpled. Unfortunately for those of us watching, it happened too fast for us to see aforementioned crumpling. I would love to see, in super slow-motion, the way the tire blew off the rim and then the whole front wheel just imploded. In fact, I’ll bet the guy who crashed would attempt to replicate the crash if he were told it would be filmed at 4000 frames per second..
- Mountain bike crash: I don’t just want to see what happens to a bike when there’s a crash. I want to see it all. What does a roadie look like when he hits the deck? I’m pretty sure there’s a helmet bounce, but what does it look like really? How high do you bounce? How far do you slide? And what does it look like, frame by frame, as your legs, chest and arms get cheese-grated by a gravel road? OK, on second thought, maybe I don’t want to see this one.
- Helmet crush: I’ve destroyed three helmets during my cycling career (should I put “career” in quotes there? Probably.), which means helmets have saved me from serious injury three times. That’s pretty impressive. I’d love to see what the helmet looks like as it absorbs the energy that otherwise would have gone to your skull. (Fine, you can use a crash test dummy for this one).
The Problem, and The Solution
The only reason I don’t go out with my high-speed camera and start recording all these things (I’m pretty sure I could get volunteer riders for me to film) is that high-speed video gear is kinda expensive.
Thousands and thousands of dollars worth of expensive, from what I understand.
Plus, those cameras aren’t exactly point and shoot. You’ve actually got to know how to use them. Which would be a problem for me.
So, here’s what I’m thinking. Someone who reads this probably has access to — and maybe even knows how to use — these special high-speed cameras. Or if you don’t have access to the cameras, maybe you know a guy. Who knows a guy. Whatever.
The point is, there are people out there with high-speed cameras, and at least some of you have got to be sick of filming while your friend pops yet another water balloon. Email me. I’ll get my friends together. We’ll make awesome videos.
Cuz really, I just have to know what a fully-rigid carbon MTB frame looks like when it’s bombing down a rocky field.
PS: For those of you wondering whether I’m on track to keeping (or giving away) my still-boxed Superfly 100, I am now posting my weight every day at the bottom of the sidebar on this site. Since I’ve lost less than a pound in the first three days, I’d say I need to step up my efforts somehow. Which means that maybe if you’ve been on the fence about donating, perhaps your chances aren’t so bad after all. And don’t feel bad about betting against me. Hey, if I don’t lose the weight, I’m going to give the bike to somebody. It may as well be you, right?