A Note from Fatty : This is Michael Harper. He wants to lose a bunch of weight, and he needs our help. He wants to be selected in Kansas City Fitness Magazine’s Weight loss challenge, but he needs to get a whole boatload of Facebook “Likes” in order to do it. So here’s what you need to do.
1. Go to the Kansas City Fitness Magazine on Facebook and click the Like button.
2. Go to Michael’s entry for the contest on Facebook and click the Like button.
That’s not too hard, right? And I’m sure Michael thanks you from the very depths of his heart.
Dear Really Fast Cyclist Person,
I’m sure you’re a very fast cyclist. Probably even faster than I am. But I’m nevertheless quite certain that I could kick your butt in a race this Saturday.
As long as the race in question is this year’s FatCyclist.com Tour de Donut.
Yeah, that’s right, fast guy. I’m the title sponsor of a race. You think you can beat me at my own freakin’ race?
Come on, fast guy. I’m calling you out. Show me what you’ve got. Come on over and see if you have what it takes to beat a middle-aged, paunchy cyclist with little or no race experience.
Be sure to bring along a ten-gallon drum of humility, by the way. You’re going to need it. After all, you’ll be racing against one of last year’s podium finishers of this event (me). Here I am with the winner of the event:
Please bear in mind that this was before I was experienced at this race. This time, I’m going to totally own this thing.
How the Race Works
So, fast guy, I don’t want you to go making excuses about not being prepared because you didn’t know how this race works, so I’m going to explain the rules (you can get a more thorough explanation here).
You will ride three laps around a seven-mile course. After the first and second laps, you will eat as many donuts as you think you can handle. And — this part’s important, so pay attention — for each donut you eat, three minutes will be subtracted off your total time.
That’s right, fast guy. Three whole minutes. Per donut. So it’s possible — in fact, it’s been done — to finish the race with a negative amount of time racing.
So, fast guy, you’ve got to ask yourselves some very serious, hard questions:
- How fast can you ride 21 miles?
- How many donuts do you think I can eat?
- Do you honestly think you can ride faster than I can eat? I mean, honestly?
Why I’m The Title Sponsor of This Race
There are two very good reasons why I am sponsoring this race.
The first one is that the sponsorship money I have agreed to put up (which I am going to have to raise, so expect news of a unique contest I am developing very soon) goes toward a very simple, meaningful objective: to buy a blanket warmer for the Huntsman Cancer Institute Cancer Center in American Fork, UT. Those of you who have had cancer know that a little bit of comfort during treatment can make a big difference. This is where Susan went for chemo, and I like the idea of making others who go there for treatment a little more comfortable.
The second one is because I can think of no better-suited race for me to sponsor than the Utah Tour de Donut.
Come Race With Me
So, fast guy — why don’t you register for the race? You’ll be doing something good. And you’ll get a lot of donuts out of it. And you’ll get to say that you raced against — and let’s face it, probably lost against — me.
Here. Just to give you an incentive, I’m going to give you a code for 15% off the registration cost. When you register, use the promo code fatcyclistdonuts2011.
Come on, fast guy. Come race me at the FatCyclist.com Tour de Donut.
If you’re not afraid.
The Fat Cyclist
PS: Live too far to race, but want to donate or buy a Tour de Donut jersey? You can do that. Just click here.
PPS: Just so you don’t forget, the Fat Cyclist 2012 collection is now on pre-order. Read here for details, and click here to go order stuff. For example, I highly recommend getting yourself a nice Tech-T, like this one:
I wear the 2011 version all the time. Awesome for MTB riding, not to mention running. And trampoline-jumping. And carousing. In fact, I would go so far as to say that this is the most ideal carousing-oriented Tech-T you could ever possibly buy. So do.