Buy My Book, Fight Cancer, Win a Dream Bike

11.3.2011 | 10:53 am

201111030640.jpgUpdate: The contest is over; the order form is now down.

Maybe it’s time I admit I have a problem.

I have this plan, see? And it’s a good plan: take my best work from the first two years of this blog, then add a bunch of fun new stuff to it: absurd footnotes, details about the inspiration for each of the posts, new organization, and a hilarious set of forewords from the core team. Get an awesome designer to lay it out and create a cover for me, get a terrific editor to edit it for me, and I’ve got a book. (Click here to learn more about Comedian Mastermind.)

Then I start pre-orders for that book, with the plan to use the proceeds to finance my dream: research and write The Cancer Caretaker’s Companion, a book project that’s going to require my full-time attention for several months.

Even more importantly, this book will be my foot in the door when I try to get a mainstream publisher to take note of The Cancer Caretaker’s Companion. “Look,” I’ll say, impressively, as I produce spreadsheets and bar charts and pie graphs. “Using nothing but my own bare hands” (and here I’ll show my bare hands to emphasize the point) “I wrote and published a book that sold pretty darned well. And that was just a comedy book, to be read for entertainment.”

“Imagine,” I’ll conclude, in a hushed, dramatic voice, “how many books I’d sell if my book were in actual bookstores and were marketed by people who market things for a living.”

In my imagination, at this point, the publisher swoons and my agent stands up, applauding wildly — while simultaneously wiping a tear from his eye.

So far, so good, right? But that’s where things go wrong for me.

“Why just sell a book?” I say to myself. “Everyone sells books, every day. People who come to my blog aren’t going to expect something that ordinary.”

“Why not,” I reason to myself, “make things a little more interesting? As in, give people a little nudge toward buying my book, just in case they’re on the fence? Add a little incentive, as it were.”

By the way, I say this to myself in a calculating, wily voice. The voice Otto from A Fish Called Wanda might use. Except more sincere, and less likely to torture you.

Buy My Book, Win a Dream Bike

Once I finished talking to myself (try to think of this habit as a charming idiosyncrasy, rather than as a sign of mental illness, thanks), I made a couple of calls.

First, I called my friend Chuck Ibis, shown here looking as startled as I am bewildered:


“Chuck,” I said, “I’d really love to give away a sexy, high-end bike to a random person who buys my book.”

“The Ibis Silk SL is sexy,” Chuck replied.

And you know what? Chuck’s right. Check it out:


The winner of the bike will get to choose either Siberian White, or Matt Matte. Let’s take a look at some of the frame details, because Ibis has stepped up its graphics game in a huge way lately. Here’s Siberian White:


And here’s Matt Matte:


201111030905.jpgBut don’t look at the components on that Matt Matte bike up there, because they’re all wrong. The winner of this bike is gonna get something quite a bit sweeter, because the next call I made was to Dustin Brady.

You know, the marketing guy at Shimano who inspired everyone with his incredible determination to fulfill a promise.

“Dustin,” I said, “Chuck’s helping me out with a super-sweet Ibis frame. I’d like to turn this awesome bike into a full-on dream bike.

“That sounds like a problem a nice Shimano Dura-Ace build will solve,” Dustin replied.

“Wwwwhaaa?” I replied, because I was just getting ready to start my spiel on what I wanted to do and what I wanted him to give me (I was going to ask for an Ultegra build).

“Yeah,” said Dustin. “If it’s a dream bike, it’s gotta have Dura-Ace. Components and wheels.”

I admit, I had to sit down. Then I asked, “Full-on Dura-Ace? Shimano’s top-of-the line road components, top to bottom?


“Yeah,” said Dustin. “Let’s go with the C35 clinchers for this bike’s wheels, OK?”


“OK,” I said. “If you say so.”

How it Works

So, this is really pretty simple. If you’d like a chance at winning an Ibis Silk SL with Shimano Dura-Ace components and wheels, buy a book (or more than one) during the pre-order period, which ends a week from today (the order form’s a little further down this post).

For every buck you spend (rounded up and including money you spend on shipping) on buying my book, you get a row on my magical spreadsheet. So if you buy one book at the “I Need a Serious Bargain” price of $9.95 + $3.00 shipping, you get thirteen rows on my spreadsheet. If you buy a book at the “I Like Fatty” price of $19.95 + $3.00 shipping, you get 23 rows on my spreadsheet.

And if you buy 719 copies at the “I REALLY Love Fatty” price of $39.95, you get 28,728 rows on my spreadsheet.

And of course, even if you don’t win the bike, you still bought the book, which will arrive in time for Christmas (in fact, it should arrive in time for you to ship it elsewhere and still have it arrive by Christmas). But wrapping is up to you.

I’ll choose the winner randomly November 10 at midnight, Mountain Time, and will notify her or him by email.

But What If You Already Bought a Book?

Of course, if you already bought a book before I ever even announced this contest, your past purchase counts toward the contest too.

Cuz if it didn’t, that would totally suck.

How to Order

As always, I’m letting you select how much you want to pay for this book (though I’ve changed the name of one of the options). You can get more details about that here.

I have added a new price option, called “I Need a Bargain,” for $11.95, so that — with shipping — your total outlay for the book is under $15.00.

This option’s essentially like the “I Need a SERIOUS Bargain” option, except I was worried that people weren’t choosing the $9.95 option because they didn’t like the idea of me not getting a cut. With the $11.95 option, you can rest easy, knowing that you’ve got a great deal while still contributing a couple of bucks toward my Cancer Caretaker’s Companion project.

So, choose your option below, click Add to Cart, and then complete the sale at Paypal.

Thanks tons. I hope you enjoy this book. . .and I hope you win the bike, too.


  1. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.3.2011 | 10:08 am

    Well I hope MattC buys a book and wins. Heck I may buy a book in his name. I want to see “Matt C’s Matt Matte” next year at Livestrong Davis. Go Fatty, Go MattC.

  2. Comment by Darren | 11.3.2011 | 10:13 am

    So this is what you looked like before you started growind the moustache….

    What ever will The Hammer say???

  3. Comment by Lauren | 11.3.2011 | 10:18 am

    Win and win (fingers crossed). Thanks for the great offer.

  4. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.3.2011 | 10:25 am

    Bravo Lauren!!! Best Fatty/Tucci photo yet. I’m sure The Hammer will take appropriate action.

  5. Comment by Dale | 11.3.2011 | 10:25 am

    So I was torn yesterday. I “wanted” the autographed + note version, but that meant that I couldn’t afford to give copies as gifts. I finally decided that to be a fatty meant I had to give rather than receive so just ordered 4 “lesser” versions to spread the love this holiday and am feeling the cheer already! (plus now with the bike offer I may still receive in the end, maybe)

  6. Comment by DLavis (Calgary, Canada) | 11.3.2011 | 10:29 am

    Love it! Bought my own (I REALLY love Fatty full meal deal) and averaged down on the one for my sister for Christmas (I need a bargain). Now let’s just hope she doesn’t read these comments……..Hi Leanne!

  7. Comment by None Given | 11.3.2011 | 10:57 am

    Um, I think you may really have a problem.

    If the $$$ doesn’t go to charity, you can’t (legally) run a giveaway without offering a free entry.

    YMMV and your legal advice might be different.

    You’re right! That’s why there’s language at the bottom of this piece describing how you can enter without making a purchase. – FC

  8. Comment by Ospina | 11.3.2011 | 11:08 am

    A fatty autograph for an extra $10? In down. A note with a fatty marker? Nice.
    I’m going to enter the lottery, not the giveaway, btw ;)

  9. Comment by Michael Hawel | 11.3.2011 | 11:12 am

    You’ve finally twisted my unemployed arm into preordering you’re book Fatty! But is the $15 option enough to cover international shipping to Canada so u don’t lose out?

  10. Comment by Janneke | 11.3.2011 | 11:14 am

    Done, the I REALLY Love Fatty variety. If you need more money for shipping outside the USA drop me an email.

  11. Comment by Marco | 11.3.2011 | 12:08 pm

    Good job working in the Fish Called Wanda reference. Looking forward to reading the book as a Christmas present to myself!

  12. Comment by Kukui | 11.3.2011 | 12:20 pm

    I know what my family’s getting for Christmas! That Ibis is sure pretty. =)

  13. Comment by melicious | 11.3.2011 | 12:23 pm

    Wow, Fatty, you never cease to amaze me with your giveaways and great connections you have to make them happen. Kudos! And, by the way, I am in the running with the purchase of the ‘I love Fatty’ book option.

  14. Comment by Troy Allen Coleman | 11.3.2011 | 12:52 pm

    I just bought the deluxe autographed edition with a super fancy custom note. AND – I’m unemployed. Take a lesson 99%…

  15. Comment by Maggi | 11.3.2011 | 1:25 pm

    I actually gasped, out loud, in my freaking fishbowl of a cubicle, when I scrolled down and saw the Silk. Buying! Convincing my non-cycling co-workers to buy copies and give me the bike if they win! And my Mom! And my Aunts!


  16. Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 11.3.2011 | 2:10 pm

    I knew it was going to be a sweet bike giveaway after you hinted about it last night on TwitterBook. But this is WAY sweet! I’m in for 5 more copies of Comedic Mastermind. Gotta get those numbers up!

    Incidentally, any chance you can share with us how the book order numbers are stacking up? I’m thinking you must have a dream number you’d like to hit, Fatty.

  17. Comment by Miles Archer | 11.3.2011 | 2:37 pm

    ooh, you must have talked to a lawyer.

  18. Comment by sarah molm | 11.3.2011 | 3:35 pm

    People always wonder why we can’t cure cancer with all the millions of dollars people are donating. This gives a good explanation on why cancer can’t be cured right now.

  19. Comment by Brian in VA | 11.3.2011 | 3:46 pm

    Just lost a dear friend to cancer this week, a former bike mechanic, and wanted to put something good into your program. Thanks Fatty! You rock!

  20. Comment by AK Chick | 11.3.2011 | 4:57 pm

    I. Want. That. Bike. :) I never win anything so I have no chance, but I do have a chance to buy a really awesome book and help fund the production of another SUPER awesome book. Now I have to decide if I go for quantity (lower cost options) or quality (Fatty autograph). Decisions!

  21. Comment by RodNeeds2Ride | 11.3.2011 | 4:57 pm

    Fatty, you KNOW I need a Mountain bike WAY more than that piece of awesomeness shown above, but I guess I could be forced to take it…. :)

    3 books please – Cha-ching!

  22. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 11.3.2011 | 5:30 pm

    I am in. Well I think I am in. I hope I am in. Hey Coreen, I’m in right?

  23. Comment by spinecho | 11.3.2011 | 5:37 pm

    @sarah molm
    that is exactly the reason it is so important to have support in place for those with cancer as well as their friends, family and caregivers.

  24. Comment by evil3 | 11.3.2011 | 5:39 pm

    Fatty, I want you to know that I bought your book at the 9 and change price, as being a college student sucks, but I truly love reading your blog.

  25. Comment by MattC | 11.3.2011 | 6:13 pm

    Ooohhh Davidh…I LIKE how you think! (and I REALLY like it that you’re already thinking about Davis…I’d say you have your priorities spot-on! MattC wins the Matt Matte bike, AND takes it to Davis Davise. Yep…that would be just about perfect Perfecte).

    And DAMN YOU FATTY! You just KEEP coming up with ways to eek away my hard-earned-cash! YOU sir are pure evil! Yes…an Evil, Comedic Mastermind. (Oh say…how’s your weight going btw…need any more cookies?) Just checking)

  26. Comment by Laura S | 11.3.2011 | 7:11 pm

    Nice bike! I already bought a book but I think I better check my xmas list and grab a few more copies.

  27. Comment by AngieG | 11.3.2011 | 7:12 pm

    @Davide-Marin and @MattC- I most vehemently protest!!!! MattC just got a new bike. A Cannondale Cat9 I believe and it’s already white. While I the mover of bicylces to Austin and other locations have a 6 year old Felt 70. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Felt, but MattC DOES NOT NEED A NEW IBIS SILK!!! I should get the Ibis. It’s my precious. Give it to me. It’s mine and I wants it!!

    Plus I believe Chuck Ibis owes me beer. I seem to recall a beer pouring incident at the Annadale MTB race in which a reciperical beer was promised and not delivered. In addition I delivered a few very high end carbon bikes back to Chuck without a scratch!

    Now that I think about it, it seems I am being slighted in all of these Fatty contests. Maybe I need a lawyer and need to challenge the execution of the documented contest rules. Maybe I’ll check with Levi’s lawyers and see if they would be willing to represent me with regards to this gross injustice.

  28. Comment by Darren | 11.3.2011 | 7:16 pm

    Is this a Canadian friendly contest? I am buying a book no matter, just need to know if I should bother convincing myself that I won a new bike….

  29. Comment by BamaJim | 11.3.2011 | 8:44 pm

    Was thinking about buying one of the books while running last night, and then thought “this seems like the sort of situation where fatty would have some kind of contest”. Anyway, I’m in for a book.

  30. Comment by Robin O | 11.3.2011 | 8:56 pm

    My awesome friend Christy is the proud owner of a Matt Matte, so I think I’d better win the Siberian White so people don’t get us confused… :)

  31. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.3.2011 | 10:25 pm

    @AK Chick Glad you got the book, and are resigned to the fact that you, like Wife#1, will not win… the bike. Anyway, look at the conditions the bike would suffer. Dark cold winter. Mushy, grimy Spring. Dusty, gritty May/June Alaska Air Force target all Summer (mosquitos). The bike deserves better.

    And AngieG- I think we are seeing the side Spawn of Angie warned us about:

    Comment by CassieG (spawn of AngieG) | 07.15.2011 | 10:19 pm
    Mr. Fatty,

    I would like to point out that my mother is not as nice as she seems. It is all an illusion…a very deceptive illusion. It’s like a mirage in the Sahara Desert of an oasis…it’s not REAL.

    Now she does go on to say some nice things too, so who knows:

    “I have to admit though, for all the ball busting she does, she sure is one of the greatest moms there is (are?). All I hear are good things from her about all of the Team Fatty riders. I’m glad her spunky personality is appreciated by such a great group of people.”

    I still like the Iambic pentameter of “Seeing MattC’s Matt Matte”
    OK, so it’s not iambic or pentameter.

  32. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.3.2011 | 10:27 pm

    Oh! And AngieG. Wife#1 loves the Gollum reference.

  33. Comment by Martn | 11.4.2011 | 2:53 am

    So far I never regretted not living in the US of A, but since I sorta cannot believe this is a European friendly contest I might have a slight twinge of regret right now.

    Can I at least buy the book here in the old world?

    Cheers, Martn

  34. Comment by Jenni | 11.4.2011 | 6:21 am

    I was going to hold out for an e-version but the Ibis has put me over the top. I will be accepting delivery of the white version. Try to ship it at the same time as my book mmkthxbai.

  35. Comment by FAQinc | 11.4.2011 | 6:33 am

    As others have enquired, if said winner is located in lets say Europe somewhere around The UK/London would they be eligible if they theoretically won and were willing to pay for the shipping of said maybe won bike?

    Also if pre ordered, around what time would the book arrive somewhere around The UK/ London?

    P.S. Your incentives are the coolest!

  36. Comment by EpicBiker | 11.4.2011 | 6:41 am

    I’m looking forward to reading this! And looking even more forward to “The Cancer Caretaker’s Companion”. I’ve seen both sides of cancer and it sucks for all involved.

  37. Comment by Clydesteve | 11.4.2011 | 7:00 am

    Well, I also hope that MattC buys a book. And I really like MattC – He is totally a cool guy. Well, he is actually kind of nerdy, like me, but I like to think that spells cool.

    But this is where I draw the line, I do not wish for MattC to win the bike, as cool as Matt’s Matt Matte would be. I wish for, well, me to win the bike.

  38. Comment by Clydesteve | 11.4.2011 | 7:07 am

    AngieG – Maybe at least Levi’s lawyers could arrange a headlock on your behalf?

  39. Comment by Tammy Hardy | 11.4.2011 | 7:56 am

    Love your blog! I’m a new cyclist and have gotten such enjoyment out of your blog. Ordered the book- would love to win a fancy new bike, but if not I know I will thoroughly enjoy the book!! Thank you!

  40. Comment by NYCCarlos | 11.4.2011 | 8:38 am

    I hope mattc wins a matt matte and gives it to me!

  41. Comment by bykjunkie | 11.4.2011 | 9:00 am

    Dude that is awesome! Sent the article to the wife since im half way to my new deployment location. She best by the super autographed version. And the winer gets pulled on the Marine Corps Birthday! I get an awesome book, help fight cancer(which i hate more then the taliban), and have a chnce to win a bike while celebrating our Corps b-day. It is a no lose situation.

  42. Comment by AK Chick | 11.4.2011 | 9:36 am

    @davidh-marin, ca Well, I could argue that said beautiful specimen of a bike would definitely not be wasted in Alaska since we have prime riding conditions and wonderful trails and smooth roads. That it would be locked up safe and sound in the winter where it would be kept polished and pretty. That it would make me too fast for mosquitos (unofficial state bird) to catch me. However, since we had a very late fall, I don’t know if I could protect it from these guys: Only in Alaska!

    Also, totally made up for Wife#1 and I not winning anything in the Bikes for Zambia fundraiser by getting signed socks AND a signed jersy by not just Mr. Awesome-Best-Pro-Cyclist-Ever Chris Horner, but also by Mr. You-Better-Not-Mess-With-Me-Or-I-Will-Put-You-In-A-Major-Fatty-Headlock Levi Leipheimer, and the sweet and very cute Mr. I-Am-A-Future-Mountain-Climbing-King Ben King (too young for me and I’m happily married, but he is very cute in person).

    My vote for the Ibis would have to be bykjunkie. How awesome would that be if he won?!?

  43. Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 11.4.2011 | 10:17 am

    @NYCarlos I would be disappointed seeing MattC’s Matt Matte moving to NYC. They just have a different attitude towards bikes there:Yarn+Bike-9224.jpg

    Ride on Carlos Ride on:

  44. Comment by Cali_Lady | 11.4.2011 | 10:38 am

    These comments are so dang entertaining! You guys CRACK me up! Happy Friday!

  45. Comment by Mark in Ottawa | 11.4.2011 | 10:49 am

    I was going to buy a book anyway on the weekend, but this just takes the cake! Wow! I hope you meet and exceed your targets and that you have enough funds to make the next project a reality.

    I have a quick question though, being pretty new to the site, I’ve been slowly going through your archives and noticed that yesterday afternoon that Jan 2009 to June 2009 has been taken down – was this on purpose? I was just in March 2009!

    Thanks again for putting this together, and I look forward to see what crazy note you’ll be moved to pen in my book!

    Mark (in Ottawa, Canada)

  46. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 11.4.2011 | 12:44 pm

    Autographed? Sweet! I got Jill Homer’s last book autographed, so now I can continue my collection of signed books by super cool bike bloggers. Woot! Also, I really think the Cancer Caretaker’s Companion is a worthy project, and you are a great person to create it. Go, Fatty!

  47. Comment by Dan O | 11.4.2011 | 2:34 pm

    Will make a nice replacement for my 10 year old Sonoma! I’ve beaten the dreaded C, now, all I need to do now is WIN….. A new bike!

  48. Comment by zac_in_ak | 11.7.2011 | 12:28 am

    aww I was trying to switch to e books…well this will be one of the few books (real) that I buy this year. The other being a baking book..I can bribe with homemade cake AND homemade ice cream; )

  49. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Race Report: The Turkey “Tri” | 11.7.2011 | 6:01 am

    [...] « Buy My Book, Fight Cancer, Win a Dream Bike [...]

  50. Comment by Grego | 11.7.2011 | 10:52 am

    Fatty, whoever convinced you to take all your blog archives down doesn’t understand the Internet. Now you have a bazillion links from all around the net that end up on dead pages. People can’t read your blog history to understand where you’re coming from. If this is just so you can sell the blog archives as a book, I have to say that’s very misguided. Best of luck. I was going to buy a book until I noticed that your entire site history is now gone, and I’ll have to keep catching up (from my spot in 2006) via the Internet Archive instead of direct from the source.

  51. Comment by Lulea | 11.7.2011 | 4:32 pm

    Question about the pre-order. I put the book on my Christmas list but don’t know if my family will choose to buy it for me or not. Will you be selling books again after Christmas if I don’t get it for Christmas and have to buy it myself?

  52. Comment by Chris from DownUnder | 11.7.2011 | 9:09 pm

    Hi Fatty,

    I am willing to pay for the shipping to Australia. Please please please let me be in teh draw!!!

    Thanks and have a good week.

  53. Comment by Tina Z | 11.8.2011 | 7:40 am

    I bought the book already, this contest makes me even more happy I paid top dollar! (and puts pressure on you to write an awesomely unique and interesting comment, too, right?!)

  54. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » How To Ruin Someone’s Day | 11.8.2011 | 12:18 pm

    [...] of, 2005 – 2007 pre-order continues! Click here for details on the book, or click here to learn about how you might win a dream bike or just order using the fancy form [...]


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