Maybe it’s time I admit I have a problem.
I have this plan, see? And it’s a good plan: take my best work from the first two years of this blog, then add a bunch of fun new stuff to it: absurd footnotes, details about the inspiration for each of the posts, new organization, and a hilarious set of forewords from the core team. Get an awesome designer to lay it out and create a cover for me, get a terrific editor to edit it for me, and I’ve got a book. (Click here to learn more about Comedian Mastermind.)
Then I start pre-orders for that book, with the plan to use the proceeds to finance my dream: research and write The Cancer Caretaker’s Companion, a book project that’s going to require my full-time attention for several months.
Even more importantly, this book will be my foot in the door when I try to get a mainstream publisher to take note of The Cancer Caretaker’s Companion. “Look,” I’ll say, impressively, as I produce spreadsheets and bar charts and pie graphs. “Using nothing but my own bare hands” (and here I’ll show my bare hands to emphasize the point) “I wrote and published a book that sold pretty darned well. And that was just a comedy book, to be read for entertainment.”
“Imagine,” I’ll conclude, in a hushed, dramatic voice, “how many books I’d sell if my book were in actual bookstores and were marketed by people who market things for a living.”
In my imagination, at this point, the publisher swoons and my agent stands up, applauding wildly — while simultaneously wiping a tear from his eye.
So far, so good, right? But that’s where things go wrong for me.
“Why just sell a book?” I say to myself. “Everyone sells books, every day. People who come to my blog aren’t going to expect something that ordinary.”
“Why not,” I reason to myself, “make things a little more interesting? As in, give people a little nudge toward buying my book, just in case they’re on the fence? Add a little incentive, as it were.”
By the way, I say this to myself in a calculating, wily voice. The voice Otto from A Fish Called Wanda might use. Except more sincere, and less likely to torture you.
Buy My Book, Win a Dream Bike
Once I finished talking to myself (try to think of this habit as a charming idiosyncrasy, rather than as a sign of mental illness, thanks), I made a couple of calls.
First, I called my friend Chuck Ibis, shown here looking as startled as I am bewildered:
“Chuck,” I said, “I’d really love to give away a sexy, high-end bike to a random person who buys my book.”
“The Ibis Silk SL is sexy,” Chuck replied.
And you know what? Chuck’s right. Check it out:
The winner of the bike will get to choose either Siberian White, or Matt Matte. Let’s take a look at some of the frame details, because Ibis has stepped up its graphics game in a huge way lately. Here’s Siberian White:
And here’s Matt Matte:
But don’t look at the components on that Matt Matte bike up there, because they’re all wrong. The winner of this bike is gonna get something quite a bit sweeter, because the next call I made was to Dustin Brady.
You know, the marketing guy at Shimano who inspired everyone with his incredible determination to fulfill a promise.
“Dustin,” I said, “Chuck’s helping me out with a super-sweet Ibis frame. I’d like to turn this awesome bike into a full-on dream bike.
“That sounds like a problem a nice Shimano Dura-Ace build will solve,” Dustin replied.
“Wwwwhaaa?” I replied, because I was just getting ready to start my spiel on what I wanted to do and what I wanted him to give me (I was going to ask for an Ultegra build).
“Yeah,” said Dustin. “If it’s a dream bike, it’s gotta have Dura-Ace. Components and wheels.”
I admit, I had to sit down. Then I asked, “Full-on Dura-Ace? Shimano’s top-of-the line road components, top to bottom?
“Yeah,” said Dustin. “Let’s go with the C35 clinchers for this bike’s wheels, OK?”
“OK,” I said. “If you say so.”
How it Works
So, this is really pretty simple. If you’d like a chance at winning an Ibis Silk SL with Shimano Dura-Ace components and wheels, buy a book (or more than one) during the pre-order period, which ends a week from today (the order form’s a little further down this post).
For every buck you spend (rounded up and including money you spend on shipping) on buying my book, you get a row on my magical spreadsheet. So if you buy one book at the “I Need a Serious Bargain” price of $9.95 + $3.00 shipping, you get thirteen rows on my spreadsheet. If you buy a book at the “I Like Fatty” price of $19.95 + $3.00 shipping, you get 23 rows on my spreadsheet.
And if you buy 719 copies at the “I REALLY Love Fatty” price of $39.95, you get 28,728 rows on my spreadsheet.
And of course, even if you don’t win the bike, you still bought the book, which will arrive in time for Christmas (in fact, it should arrive in time for you to ship it elsewhere and still have it arrive by Christmas). But wrapping is up to you.
I’ll choose the winner randomly November 10 at midnight, Mountain Time, and will notify her or him by email.
But What If You Already Bought a Book?
Of course, if you already bought a book before I ever even announced this contest, your past purchase counts toward the contest too.
Cuz if it didn’t, that would totally suck.
How to Order
As always, I’m letting you select how much you want to pay for this book (though I’ve changed the name of one of the options). You can get more details about that here.
I have added a new price option, called “I Need a Bargain,” for $11.95, so that — with shipping — your total outlay for the book is under $15.00.
This option’s essentially like the “I Need a SERIOUS Bargain” option, except I was worried that people weren’t choosing the $9.95 option because they didn’t like the idea of me not getting a cut. With the $11.95 option, you can rest easy, knowing that you’ve got a great deal while still contributing a couple of bucks toward my Cancer Caretaker’s Companion project.
So, choose your option below, click Add to Cart, and then complete the sale at Paypal.
Thanks tons. I hope you enjoy this book. . .and I hope you win the bike, too.