A Non-Book-Related Note from Fatty: Don’t worry, this whole post isn’t just about book stuff. Just stick with me for a few minutes while I take care of business.
A Book-Related Note from Fatty: First off, thanks to those of you who have bought a book (and extra thanks to those of you who have bought more than one!). I really appreciate it. This has been a lot of work, so I love seeing that folks are interested in owning a copy.
I have to say, though, I’m a little bit surprised at a couple things:
1. Not very many people have taken advantage of the “I’m Nearly Broke” option, where you can get a copy of this book for $9.95. I think maybe I made it seem like it’s an option you should take only as a last resort, like if you’re choosing between buying a book and paying the bills.
That’s not what I want at all.
The truth is, one of main things I want out of this first book is bragging rights. Specifically, I want to be able to say, “I sold thousands of books.”
So, if you’ve got $13 to spare (that’s how much the book will cost you after shipping) and you’d like to have this book, don’t be embarrassed to go with this bargain option. You’re still helping me accomplish an important step toward getting serious attention for my future projects.
2. Not very many people have taken advantage of the “Standard” price. I’m a little bit amazed at the fact that more people have paid the $39.95 price for this book than for the $19.95 price for it. That’s crazy-generous of you people. But don’t feel like you have to order one of the pricier versions of the book. As it’s easy to tell, this book is costing me about $10 per copy (between the book itself, shipping, and paying people who are helping me edit, design, and do layout for this book).
Which means that when you pay the $19.95 price, I’m clearing about $10 / copy. For books, that’s really, really good.
So, in short, if you’d like a copy of Comedian Mastermind — and I really hope you will want a copy, because honestly I’m pretty darned proud of it and think that if you like this blog you’ll really like this book — don’t feel pressured into buying the $30 or $40 version of the book.
I appreciate you taking the time and spending the money, no matter what.
But What About a Kindle Version?
Lots of people commented yesterday, wondering if there will be a Kindle version of Comedian MasterMind. The answer is, yes. But I’m not worrying about it until I get the paper version of the book out the door. My objective right now is to get the paper version finished and in everyone’s hands — with time to spare — before Christmas.
Once that’s done, I’ll learn how to Kindle-fy it, and maybe Nookitize it, too.
I’ve got a race this weekend. An important race.
It’s the…Turkey Triathlon.
It’s a short little thing: 5K run, 10 mile road bike ride, and a 350 meter swim. In that order, which is kind of weird. And, as I have mentioned, this is a very important race.
A race I must win.
No, I’m saying I need to be the guy who beats everyone in this race. I couldn’t care less about whether some fast tri guy manages to clean my clock. In fact, I expect that to happen.
What matters is that I beat two particular people. These two:
I think you’ve met the one on the left, though it’s possible you’ve never seen a photo of her on this site without glasses and either a helmet or a ponytail.
She is the woman known — and feared — far and wide as “The Hammer.”
The one on the right — who is actually not taller than the one on the left, but is wearing heels (The Hammer does not wear heels, ever, out of kindness to me) — is The Swimmer.
There’s definitely a “Like Mother, Like Daughter” thing going on with these two. Both are very beautiful, both are very strong athletes, and — most importantly — both of them have a decent chance at beating me in the Turkey Tri this weekend.
It’s been the topic of considerable discussion among the three of us for several months. To the point of this race being approximately three thousand times more important to me than when — as a joke, really — we signed up for the thing.
A good case can be made for why each of us might win. I shall now present those cases.
The Case for Fatty
Let’s start with me first. You all pretty much know my strengths and weaknesses, but let’s review:
- Run: Thanks to The Hammer, I have made progress in running, to the point where I have gone from being a total non-runner to being a runner who can plod along slowly and clumsily for a great distance. For example, last Saturday The Hammer and I ran five miles before we ran a half marathon — in costume. Here we are:
The problem — and this is strictly a problem for me, not for The Hammer — is that I am much, much slower of a runner than The Hammer. By the time we got to the last five miles of the half-marathon, she could no longer bear to go at my pace and shot forward, disappearing over the horizon within one minute. I am not exaggerating.
- Bike: I am the fastest cyclist of the three of us.
- Swim: In open-water swims (St. George Ironman, Ogden Xterra), I am a faster swimmer than The Hammer. In the pool, she is faster than I am. For the Turkey Tri, we will be in a pool.
Why I could win: I expect that I will drop behind The Swimmer and The Hammer in the run, but I expect to make a fast transition to the bike, thanks to my planned strategy of yanking off my running shoes, pulling on my biking shoes, and then quickly twisting the knobs on my high-zoot Boa Closure System.
Once on the bike, I hope to make up ground quickly, and then startle them both with a “Yawp!” as I ride by.
If I give it everything I’ve got, I will be so far ahead by the time we get to the swim that it won’t matter that I am slower in the pool than The Hammer, and much, much slower than The Swimmer.
The Case for The Swimmer
In addition to having youth on her side, The Swimmer is also strong in two sports. Here is why she might win:
- Run: Over a short distance, during the couple of times she has run with The Hammer and me, The Swimmer has demonstrated that she is faster than either of us. And 5K is definitely a short distance. The Swimmer is very likely to finish this leg first.
- Bike: The Swimmer will do a very fast transition because she will not be changing shoes; she does not ride clipless. However, that’s about as much as can be said for her on the bike. She needs to hope she makes enough time in the other two events that The Hammer and I don’t overwhelm her on the bike.
- Swim: The Swimmer is not just a good swimmer, she’s on the varsity swim team. She’s a ridiculously good swimmer. If The Hammer and / or I have not finished at least 50% of the swim by the time The Swimmer gets in the pool, she is guaranteed to overtake us and win easily.
Why The Swimmer could win: While I am very strong in one event, The Swimmer is very strong in two events. All she has to do is limit her loss on the bike and she’s golden.
The Case for The Hammer
Behold The Mighty Hammer. Whereas I’m good at one event, and The Swimmer is good at two events, The Hammer is good at all three events. Here is why she might win:
- Run: Before she was ever known as The Hammer, she was The Runner. And she still is. Think of “Hammer” as a superset of “Runner.” I think it’s likely The Hammer will either enter the transition area with, slightly behind, or slightly ahead of The Swimmer. Those two will be close.
- Bike: The Hammer hangs with me, no problem, on the bike. Depending on how fast she is in the run, she’ll either finish with me or slightly ahead of me on the bike.
- Swim: While she claims to be very non-competitive, The Hammer’s game face gives her away. When she races, she’s racing. If she gets in the water ahead of me — which is highly probable — she’ll finish ahead of me.
Why The Hammer could win: The fact that the Hammer is not the weakest in any of the events makes her a very strong candidate for winning the whole thing.
What’s At Stake?
You mean aside from bragging rights? Nothing. Nothing at all.
But when you think about it, are there many things in the world worth more than bragging rights?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
I am interested in your predictions for who will win, as well as your analysis of why. If you need additional details, please feel free to ask; if I have time, I’ll supply an answer.
I look forward to seeing who is right.
Update for Extra Credit
I just got an email from the organizers with this information:
The weather is not looking great for Saturday. In the ten years of the Turkey Tri’s existence, we have never had to make a course change. However, there’s a potential this year. The race will be modified to a run-swim, if the course is determined to be unsafe due to weather related issues. These modifications will be made to ensure the safety of our participants. We’re hoping to keep our streak alive by not having to change the course. Lets hope it stays dry.
So the extra credit question is:
If the course is in fact modified to eliminate the one part of the race I am good at, exactly how badly will I lose?