09.20.2012 | 1:22 pm

As you may know, Levi Leipheimer and I will be having a race / grudge match a week from tomorrow: Friday, September 28 (at 2:00pm at the Finley Center in Santa Rosa, CA (corner of College Ave and Stony Point Road).

If you haven’t read that post, you probably should. Just so you’re all caught up to speed and stuff, so the other readers don’t have to explain what’s going on when we get to the good part of the movie.

Anyway, I’m not afraid. In fact, I think it’s pretty clear that folks have high confidence that I will actually win what is rapidly becoming known as The Race of the Century. After all, check out how much money I’ve raised by people betting on me winning, versus how much Levi has raised by people betting on him for the win.

Not bad, huh?

But things have just gotten crazy. Or, well, crazier. Check out the little conversation that happened on Twitter today between Levi, me, and Rebecca Rusch — the four-time women’s Leadville 100 champion and record holder.















And, well, we thought that was the end of that. Too bad, because it really would have been fun to have Rebecca join us.

But then Levi invited another of his friends. Here’s the conversation as it unfolded:







To which I would like to now publicly respond: “What am I, chopped liver?

Please do not answer that. It was meant rhetorically.

Meet the New Racers

So, there are now a total of four racers in the Donut Race the day before the Gran Fondo. You already know who I am, because I am very famous, having recently played a very important part on a popular television show recently. Here’s a photograph of me, acting and interacting with my fellow actors and stuff:


Clearly, I am very famous.

What may surprise you is that Patrick Dempsey, who will also be participating in what I now choose to call The Great Pre-Fondo Donut Race, is also an actor.

Here’s a picture of him:


Like me, Patrick likes riding bicycles, and is an actor. Clearly, we are very much alike.

Next , meet Rebecca Rusch:


Rebecca is a hardcore pro mountain biker. Like me, she has won her category in the Leadville 100.

I’m really excited that I have so much in common with the new racers in this event. I’m sure they’re very excited to get to know me, so I can give them valuable advice in their various professions.

Now a Team Event

With four people in the Super-Fabulous Donut Race of Pre-Fondo Excellence, we were faced with a question:

How does this affect the race format?

The answer is simple: One of the new contestants will be on Team Fatty , and the other contestant will be on Team Levi. And this brings up another question:

Who will be on which team?

A fair and honest method for determining who is on my team and who is on Levi’s team. That method will be revealed at a future time, because I am a hopeless tease. And also I’m not sure Rebecca and Patrick (both of whom of which I suddenly find myself on a first name basis) will go for what I have in mind.

How does the race change?

Not surprisingly, I have an excellent answer to that question, which I am making up even as I type this.

  • Race Becomes a Relay: The race shall be raced as a relay, with each person on each team racing three laps, for a total of six laps per team. (Six shall be the number, and the number shall be six. Five is right out.)
  • Donut Eating: Prior to embarking on her or his lap, the racer may enter The Donut Zone, where she or he may eat as many donuts as she or he likes. Each donut will be worth a certain amount of time deducted from the team’s total time. Any barfing, hurling, or otherwise upchucking of donuts will result of all time for the donuts eaten in the Donut Zone during that lap to be re-added.
  • Racing: After completing the course, the racer hands the team baton to her or his teammate, who then may proceed on the next lap.

Pretty darned easy.

GF Kit-8_2_1 (2).jpegThe Prizes Remain Awesome

If you haven’t already — and maybe even if you have already — donated, you should. I’ll explain what you might win in a second, but first, the links:

For every $5.00 donated, each donor will win a chance at fabulous prizes, to be provided by BikeMonkey.

The Grand Prize shall be an all-expense paid trip for two to the 2013 (not the 2012, obviously, because it will be too late for that) Levi’s Gran Fondo, including registration in the ride, airfare, hotel, attendance at the VIP dinner, and the small-group ride with Levi. This prize will be given to a person drawn at random from the pool of people who donated to the winning racer.

The First Prize shall be two entries into the 2013 Gran Fondo, along with participation in the small-group ride with Levi. This prize will be given to a person drawn at random from the pool of people who donated to the winning racer.

Runner Up Prizes shall be drawn from both the pool of people who donated to the winning and losing racers, so that everyone will have a chance to win something, even if you did make the mistake of voting for Levi. Ha.

The prizes will include the following:

  • A complete Gran Fondo kit
  • Another complete Gran Fondo kit
  • A Gran Fondo jersey, signed by Levi Leipheimer
  • Yet another Gran Fondo jersey, also signed by Levi
  • A Gran Fondo Specialized Propero II helmet
  • Yep, another one of those Gran Fondo helmets just like the other one
  • A Gran Fondo messenger bag
  • Ditto on that previous one.

Where Does the Money Go?

100% of the money raised by your donations will be split between the following really great foundations:

  • Forget Me Not Farms – Local farm for at-risk youth to connect with animals and nature in a therapeutic and healing way.
  • VeloStreet – Dedicated to improving cycling resources in Sonoma County and throughout California
  • Livestrong – Working to connect those living with cancer with medical, community and financial resources.

Things Could Continue to Change

This is such a strange race. It continues to evolve and become more interesting minute by minute. I gotta say, I’m pretty excited to see how it turns out.

Thanks for playing along, and I hope you win. And now, one more time, the donation pages:


  1. Comment by Christina | 09.20.2012 | 1:31 pm

    I dunno…I saw him get off the BMC bus in Golden during the US Pro Cycling Sabado Gigante Challenge. What if he subs in Hincapie?

  2. Comment by Brandy | 09.20.2012 | 1:39 pm

    Dang…didnt take much to get Dempsey in. He must love donuts. Then again, who doesnt.

  3. Comment by GenghisKhan | 09.20.2012 | 1:43 pm

    Holy, holy hand grenades, but this is sounding more and more fun as each day passes!

  4. Comment by nh_joe | 09.20.2012 | 1:43 pm

    For the record, besides being the LT100 record holder, Rebecca is a 3-time MTB World Champion, Cross-Country Skiing World Champion, and has countless national titles in many MTB disciplines.

    And it must be noted: she is a very good sport to participate in something like this. As is Patrick Dempsey. And Levi Leipheimer. But don’t tell any of them I said that. – FC

  5. Comment by Philly Jen | 09.20.2012 | 1:45 pm

    If Patrick Dempsey is “McDreamy,” then in a donut-off, does that make Fatty “McBostonCremey”?

  6. Comment by nh_joe | 09.20.2012 | 1:46 pm

    ^Didn’t mean to come off haughty, just trying to portray her awesomeness.

    And rightly so! – FC

  7. Comment by SR | 09.20.2012 | 1:58 pm

    “Like me, she has won her category in the Leadville 100.”

    ha! favorite line.

  8. Comment by Boomer | 09.20.2012 | 2:00 pm

    “both of whom of which”?


  9. Comment by Santi M. | 09.20.2012 | 2:09 pm

    You forgot to point out that you have a haircut in common with Levi.

  10. Comment by Sarah | 09.20.2012 | 2:25 pm

    I can’t even tell you what level of “incredible” this resides in! Seriously: Holy cow!

    I was ALMOST able to ride with Patrick at the Road America LIVEstrong event in Wisconsin, but our son has cancer and was very sick the night before so I couldn’t make it. I look really forward to hearing all about this! So great!


  11. Comment by ScottR | 09.20.2012 | 2:25 pm

    Well, now five wouldn’t be right out – it would be ‘neither count thou five, excepting that thou then proceed to six’. :-)

    Go Team Fatty!

    Should the newcomers have a donut eating time trial to determine which one deserves the opportunity to join Team Fatty – youtube video from each eating the most donuts they can in a 5 minute window?

  12. Comment by Christy S. Lube | 09.20.2012 | 2:26 pm

    Please make sure you cream Dempsey, as he is in league with the Decepticons. Also, watch out for giant robots during the race, they may try to help him.
    (ooooooo, maybe Optimus Prime will show up to help you!)

  13. Comment by Brian in VA | 09.20.2012 | 2:29 pm

    Totally awesome, Fatty! Donation made because I believe in you….or at least your ability to collect good teammates and stack the deck appropriately.

  14. Comment by Rebecca's Mom | 09.20.2012 | 2:43 pm

    This is hysterical! I think you guys will have a super fun time. Don’t pick on Rebecca too much.

  15. Comment by Ariziona Guy | 09.20.2012 | 2:56 pm

    This does seem a bit unfair – I wonder if Levi can even eat a whole doughnut by himself? I imagine as a dedicated waif of a rider, he only gets 1/9 a doughnut at a time, since a single glazed is divided between the entire team in lieu of a cake for celebrations.

    I propose in the interests of fairness that Levi can get full credit for each doughnut hole he eats – while Fatty must east the corresponding whole doughnut (see how I did that?).

  16. Comment by MattC | 09.20.2012 | 2:59 pm

    Uhm, Fatty, I still like the idea of the individual race (after all, NOW the pile of awesome people you will BEAT is getting bigger)…I say forget the team thing…everybody knows cycling is a solo event!

    You could have categories (the McDreamy actors category, the mens Pro Roadie category, the Womens Pro MTB now on a road bike category, and then of course the uhm, er, well…most donuts eaten and still able to ride a bike and not hurl category…and THEN, there is of course the OVERALL winner…

  17. Comment by MattC | 09.20.2012 | 3:00 pm

    OH! And the medals would be edible (leftover donuts on a string)…tho nobody but you would probably be interested in actually eating them…(and me if I was there)…

  18. Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 09.20.2012 | 3:01 pm

    Ok. You all totally need to get Bob Roll to do cometary.

  19. Comment by JPM | 09.20.2012 | 3:09 pm

    Since Fatty’s the most famous of the 4 participants (and since he’s writing the rules, most likely to win) shouldn’t the prize list include jerseys signed by him?

  20. Comment by Karen | 09.20.2012 | 3:09 pm

    You should have The Queen of Pain on your team. She also used to adventure race and those racers know how to eat on the go… without throwing up!

  21. Comment by MattC | 09.20.2012 | 3:10 pm

    I’m guessing Levi is SO used to having help with everything (he gets a flat, some guy jumps out of a car and swaps his wheel for him, wipes his brow, puts on a band-aid, etc etc) that he will try to have a guy jump out of the team car and eat his donuts for him…DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS TACTIC!

  22. Comment by Skye | 09.20.2012 | 3:11 pm

    I was getting pretty excited reading about all of this because I’d actually be in California on the right day to watch this historical event take place(instead of Alaska, where I stay for the other 360-some days of the year). Imagine my dismay when I looked at a map and discovered that Santa Rosa is way way WAY far away from San Diego, where I am obligated to be because of a wedding. I considered asking the wedding party if they wouldn’t mind rescheduling by a day or two, or maybe just moving the whole shenanigan a couple hundred miles north, but I thought that might make it seem as though I cared more about donuts and bikes than weddings. On second thought….

  23. Comment by MattC | 09.20.2012 | 3:14 pm

    Or (sorry I’m so chatty all of a sudden, just had a snickers a bit ago, was getting to be quite of a diva this afternoon)…

    You could still have “teams”..however, each of the 4 of you would (could) have a teammate…(a designated eater)…and the racer must stop in the donut area while their teammate consumes…however, any donuts actually eaten BY the racer gets a double-time bonus…

  24. Comment by Susie H | 09.20.2012 | 4:08 pm

    I’ll most definitely be there in case you need an assistant for anything…like donut passer outer? i’m a helper…;-)

  25. Comment by rich | 09.20.2012 | 4:39 pm

    this a whole new level of donut awesomeness….
    Fatty, the stuff you come up with and manage to pull together is nothing short of amazing!

  26. Comment by Cookster | 09.20.2012 | 4:58 pm

    Great things are afoot. With all these changes lets see if Fatty can get his first “Race of Uncertainity” off the ground.

  27. Comment by Lonster | 09.20.2012 | 8:11 pm

    As someone who has hosted teams of pro riders in their home for a period of time please don’t have your race late at night. The ability of pro riders to eat copious amounts of food was aptly demonstrated much to the chagrin of my wife and with deleterious impact on the household food budget.

  28. Comment by davidh-marinca | 09.20.2012 | 8:48 pm

    Dear Mr Tease. (no this is not from your wife).

    As you string us along this only gets better and better. MattC is in fine form and far away Doug has the best idea to date. Looking forward to The Hammer and Odessa coming on board as well.

    My 8yr old son has asked to come and watch so we’ll be checking out of school early next week. He’s heard all about your AWESOMENESS, let’s not make him cry.

  29. Comment by John Klein | 09.20.2012 | 8:54 pm

    Just wanted to say …. All you donut racing dudes and dudettes are Awesome !!!!

  30. Comment by Laura S | 09.20.2012 | 9:11 pm

    Excellent. Fatty you will squish them like jelly doughnut filling.

  31. Comment by zac_in_ak | 09.20.2012 | 9:24 pm

    The levels of awesomeness is seriously rising! unlike Skye I am still stuck in Alaska.
    Of course considering the weather Skye might be stuck here too ;) Skye skip the weeding take lots of pics and bring me back a donut! ( I also do the tour de cure , small world)
    I think that no subs no assistants… just riders & doughnuts!

  32. Comment by davidh-marinca | 09.21.2012 | 1:14 am

    Twitter feed has a couple more ’stars’ lined up.

    But c’mon…rice cakes for the precious pros!!!! Time for them to Man-Up and get some powder on their chins…or maple glaze as the case may be.

    Hope tomorrow’s announcement returns to iambic pentameter…..or a limmerick

  33. Comment by Tominalbany | 09.21.2012 | 5:30 am

    Actors vs. Cyclist. C’mon. Not even hard to figure out. However, I think you need to add The Hammer to your team and let Ms. Rusch bring in her steady, just to balance things out, eh?

  34. Comment by ClydeinKS | 09.21.2012 | 7:40 am

    Wish I could get to CA to witness this awesomeness.
    I will be donating and “sponsoring” a team but also feeling an urge to celebrate the event here in the office that day (there has been a long standing challenge here at work right along these lines so time to commit).
    On the 28th I will finish a dozen glazed donuts for time (and attempt to complete the work day).
    Donate and have a donut (or rice cake) in your team’s honor.
    Go Team Fatty!

  35. Comment by roan | 09.21.2012 | 8:07 am

    Like MattC’s idea of the designated eater. Fatty you could pick a designated eater for each rider. I would suggest Heather G. to be assigned to Levi. I’ve a vague image of her turning green trying to eat a donut. And maybe The Hammer could be the designated eater for Rebecca. This should stack the donut deck.
    OH yes, Mr Dreamy, just pick a random woman from the massive race viewing crowd (this could be dangerous).
    Fatty, as for your designated eater, you could probably stand alone.

  36. Comment by Fredette | 09.21.2012 | 10:06 am

    This is AWESOME! I bet there are some other celebrities that the celebrities your twittering know- bring them on-board! Dunno if Lance can do this race (legally), but you should ask?

  37. Comment by Heidi | 09.21.2012 | 10:56 am

    Mmm, McDreamy…

  38. Comment by davidh-marinca | 09.21.2012 | 11:02 am


    Stanley Tucci???? They say he looks like Mr. Nelson

  39. Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 09.21.2012 | 11:40 am

    Fatty, you truly do have the super power of getting awesome people involved in awesome things. I wish I was a famous, award-winning, beloved cycling blogger like you! Good luck to all in the pre-fondo donut race!

  40. Comment by Fredette | 09.21.2012 | 11:58 am


    Don’t really care, just want to read about MORE CELEBRITIES and more cyclists with exciting personalities like LEVI LIPHIMER.

  41. Comment by Mark | 09.21.2012 | 2:12 pm

    Sounds like its time for a Famous Fit Fatty Fondo.

  42. Comment by MattC | 09.21.2012 | 2:39 pm

    Fatty, I wasn’t really planning on coming up (I’m pretty broke right now), HOWEVER…if you need a designated eater, I MIGHT be available…I believe my superpower (apparently having a giant tapeworm) is ready and willing…

  43. Comment by Elizabeth | 09.21.2012 | 7:19 pm

    Please please please video tape the whole dang wonderfulness of the event. Seriously I want close ups of doughnut stuffing and relay riding. Us folks that can’t get to you to watch in person really need this.

  44. Comment by Angie G | 09.21.2012 | 8:27 pm

    @David H- According to my parole officer I am not allowed to partake in handicapping or any sort of gaming activity. Some nonesense about it being stipulated by the court in the form of my plea bargain. Blah Blah Blah

    I am conflicted, while Fatty is well…Fatty and a dear and close personal friend. Levi is the boss and I have been threatened with the headlock and noogie of death many times during previous Fondos. In fact if you recall the rider plate exchange of last year…that noogie he gave Fatty was really meant for me. YIKES!!

    I have to say Fatty has the Ginormous quads on his side thereby providing additional room for donut storage. Based on the time and motion study we have conducted, Fatty can definitely consume a sufficient donut volume to end the race with a minus time. Even if he walked it!! Head lock in my future my money is on Fatty!!!

  45. Comment by Tyler G SLC | 09.21.2012 | 9:25 pm

    Man I really want one of those kits from the gran fondo. Can you make Levi give me one after you demolish him in the race?

  46. Comment by Jenni | 09.22.2012 | 10:54 am

    I want to be there so badly I can’t stand it. Absolutely incredible event Fatty.

  47. Comment by Ruth | 09.22.2012 | 3:53 pm

    Please please please have this recorded!! We all want to watch this!

  48. Comment by bob | 09.22.2012 | 4:19 pm

    So whose team is Kristin Armstrong going to be on?

  49. Comment by Sharon | 09.23.2012 | 6:10 pm

    Ready to pledge…when will teams be announced?

  50. Comment by sansauto | 09.23.2012 | 9:23 pm

    I just want you to know that I saw the picture of you in the TV show and knew exactly who you were, but I had to go to Google to figure out who Patrick Dempsey was.

  51. Comment by davidh-marinca | 09.23.2012 | 11:49 pm

    OK I could not wait till whenever to hear about the leadman tri this weekend. I’ll just say the closest person behind Fatty was 1 hour behind. But the real news is Fatty was ……

    I’ll leave it to him to tell us.


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