An Open Letter to ProBar: I Have An Awesome Idea for a New Product
Dear ProBar,
As you know, I’m a big fan of your energy bars. I eat Fruition bars all the time when I’m on the bike, and like the way a Pro Bar — especially the Cran-Lemon Twister — gives me a ton of energy when I want to stop for a moment and refuel.
I’ve noticed, both on your website and on the wrappers of the products themselves, that you create “delicious, convenient, healthy plant-based food products.”
And that’s the problem, folks.
While I enjoy a Nutty Banana Boom as much as (maybe more than) the next guy, sometimes I want something that tastes neither nutty nor banana-y. I want something that doesn’t taste like nuts, fruits, or grains at all.
I want something that tastes like a real meal. I want some sodium. I want something that has some protein, and I don’t mean that fake kind of protein you get by eating soy beans or nuts, or that chalky protein you find in most drinks and energy bars.
I want real protein. Caveman protein.
I think, ProBar, the time has come for meat-based energy bars. Or, as I like to call them, “Meat-ergy” bars.
Why Meat-ergy Bars?
When I think about all the people I know (and I know at least fifteen or twenty people), I can say with confidence that pretty much all of us are not vegetarians.
Except for a few. And I have a feeling that the few people I know who are vegetarians are doing so mostly to be obstinate, or because they haven’t recently had a really great burger grilled for them over charcoal.
My point is that most people like meat.
So why are all of our energy bars acting like we’re a bunch of wild-eyed, long-haired, soy milk-drinking, carrot-hugging vegans?
Actually, I use soy milk myself. But that’s because regular milk gives me gas, not because I’m opposed to it on principal. But I’m getting off track here.
So it stands to reason that most of us — 96% of us, according to the way I divided a ‘96 estimate of vegetarians in the US against the current population — would like our energy bars to taste more like food we eat by choice.
You know, like bacon.
Which brings us to my first proposed Meat-ergy bar, which I have asked my good friend Kenny to mock up for you:
Honestly, who wouldn’t want to eat that?
Just think, you’re riding along and you’ve been drinking sweet drinks and sucking down sweet energy gels, and chewing sweet gummy energy stuff. You stop for a moment to have a snack. What do you want: a sweet energy bar, or a bar that has the taste and texture of bacon?
That question, of course, was rhetorical, because the answer is perfectly obvious.
So, to sum up: taste, texture, protein, appeal to the palates of 96% of the population. These are the reasons it’s time for Meat-ergy bars.
Ideas for Meat-ergy Bar Flavors
Be honest, ProBar: do you think anyone has any idea what the “Superfood Slam” tastes like? Or the “Whole Berry Blast?” Or even “Old School PB&J” (hint: it tastes nothing like a real PB&J)? Heck, I’ve had them all and remember they all taste like nuts and dried fruit. Which is fine, if you’re a squirrel.
And that’s why, in addition to the benefits I’ve already listed, Meat-ergy bar flavors practically sell themselves. The flavors you create should be based simply on popular kinds of meat. For example:
BaconBar: This should taste like bacon, at least in the first iteration. Really, I can’t think of anything better. In fact, if you just cook and package bacon, I think most of us will be very happy. Of course, as you roll out new versions of the product, you might want to look into the BLT (perhaps include a packet of mayonnaise), bacon-wrapped steak, and bacon-and-eggs.
BurgerBar: Is there anything in the world better than a good burger? The answer is, “Yes, a burger with bacon,” but that’s not a problem, since I’d just take a bite of the BurgerBar, followed by a bite of the BaconBar. Please do me a favor and use Angus beef, prime or choice cuts only, with modest marbling. Lots of Worcestershire sauce. Grilled over charcoal. Thanks.
SteakBar: I don’t want to get picky, but is it possible for your SteakBar to have options for how the consumer likes their bar cooked? (I’m a Medium guy myself.) I understand that this means you’ll have to contend with product fragmentation — not to mention the problem of how you keep a rare-cooked Meat-ergy SteakBar from getting all gross — but I’m sure your R&D guys will be able to work it out.
ChickenBar: Hey, not everyone likes red meat. And just think how easy it would be to make variations of the ChickenBar. Teriyaki, Barbecue, Cacciatore, you name it: just add the appropriate “marinade” packet before eating.
SalmonBar: Okay, I admit I just threw this idea in here as a joke. I can’t imagine myself opening a Meat-ergy bar mid-ride and being greeted with the scent of fish. But hey, that’s just me. Maybe.
See, ProBar? Those are just the ideas off the top of my head. As you build on the certain success of your first Meat-ergy bars, you can expand the line by going upscale (FiletmignonBar, PrimeribBar) and value-priced (CornedbeefBar, SpamBar). Regional dishes (JambalayaBar in New Orleans, SnailBar in France) are also smart areas of diversification.
I think you’ll agree, ProBar, the time for this innovative product has come. I look forward to being one of your first Meat-ergy Bar customers.
Kind Regards,
The Fat Cyclist
Comment by nh_joe | 02.15.2011 | 1:49 pm
I foresee a possible future installment of EpicMealTime…
Comment by Sansauto | 02.15.2011 | 1:50 pm
Umm. I’m a vegetarian. That doesn’t sound so good.
Comment by jackelope | 02.15.2011 | 1:50 pm
mmmmmm bacon….
Comment by Philly Jen | 02.15.2011 | 1:52 pm
“…is it possible for your SteakBar to have options for how the consumer likes their bar cooked?”
With vs. without Clenbuterol?
As in the case of Diet Coke, it’s always important to have an option for those who are weight-conscious.
Comment by Baldcyclist | 02.15.2011 | 1:52 pm
Be careful of the Beef meat-ergy bars!!
Comment by Kaylen | 02.15.2011 | 1:56 pm
What you’re looking for already exists, it’s just packaged and marketed a bit differently.
Comment by Jenn | 02.15.2011 | 2:00 pm
“Carrot hugging vegans.” For this, and so much more, I adore this site. Had a horrible spin class tonight (cold and rainy here) that included the world’s worst instructor, and a room filled with car exhaust, among other things. This was the perfect remedy for a rough night…thanks Fatty!
Comment by Jeff | 02.15.2011 | 2:03 pm
It seems to me that a snailbar wouldn’t be that attractive to cyclists. Maybe something more like a “cheetahbar” or “rabbitbar”. Of course, if we’re talking about French cyclists…
Comment by Callie | 02.15.2011 | 2:03 pm
Fatty, you keep me in constant laughter. And I really need it. That and a BLT bar.
Comment by largearge | 02.15.2011 | 2:04 pm
fatty,
fear not, the meat-ergy bar exists, for i have seen it…sort of.
it’s buffalo and cranberries and from the greatest state most people can’t find on a map: south dakota. now that we have electric assists for our prairie schooners and wind-powered internet farms, we can contribute to the country.
joking aside, the tanka bar is a pretty cool product that is now distributed in many different areas. here’s the website: http://www.tankabar.com.
Comment by Anonymous | 02.15.2011 | 2:12 pm
fatty you do have some ideas here but you just about lost all the vegetarian fans by not is so many words calling them morons, wild and uncoothed. when you said
“So why are all of our energy bars acting like we’re a bunch of wild-eyed, long-haired, soy milk-drinking, carrot-hugging vegans?”
thats was not cool. i know you are a stand up guy so make ammends.
Comment by @salphen | 02.15.2011 | 2:12 pm
fatty you do have some ideas here but you just about lost all the vegetarian fans by not is so many words calling them morons, wild and uncoothed. when you said
“So why are all of our energy bars acting like we’re a bunch of wild-eyed, long-haired, soy milk-drinking, carrot-hugging vegans?”
thats was not cool. i know you are a stand up guy so make ammends.
sorry, i’m not going to apologize for any absurd remarks in a post that is completely absurd. if you took anything at all in this post seriously, there’s not really much we have to talk about. – FC
Comment by eric | 02.15.2011 | 2:17 pm
Also vegetarian.
It seems your 96% estimate isn’t reflected by your commenters.
What?!?! You mean there’s something incorrect and possibly ridiculous in this post?!?! NO. WAY. – FC
Comment by franky | 02.15.2011 | 2:18 pm
Sausag-ergy Bars! OMG I’m so sold on that…
Comment by Kendall | 02.15.2011 | 2:22 pm
I just threw up a little in my mouth – scratch that – a lot in my mouth. Bleh!
Comment by Nic Grillo | 02.15.2011 | 2:22 pm
A salami bar would be kinda nice…
Comment by Herb | 02.15.2011 | 2:29 pm
Fatty, You are too funny! As for the vegans who are offended, please learn to laugh a little.
Comment by Sara | 02.15.2011 | 2:32 pm
You had me at bacon.
(Also, I hope Kenny wasn’t injured in the making of that mock-up.) :)
Comment by TimD | 02.15.2011 | 2:41 pm
I think you are doing your riding wrong. You need to stop at a cafe and eat. Preferably have a fried egg and bacon buttie. Or egg, bacon and beans on toast. And a large mug of tea with extra sugar. anything else isn’t proper cycling food and should be avoided. Apart from toasted tea cakes, which should be a staple of every cyclists diet.
Comment by Squirrelhead | 02.15.2011 | 2:43 pm
I have not laughed that hard in awhile. This is an awesome post Fatty. Man I am craving some bacon now! I should go buy stock in ProBar before they announce their new Meat-ergy bars. I am going to be RICH!!!
Comment by bikemike | 02.15.2011 | 2:57 pm
and as part of the 96 percentile, we don’t want any of that faux craptastic substance called “turkey bacon”. bacon is pork, to put another animals name at the beginning voids any credibility to that product having any worth…at all.
there is nothing bacon can’t do and it’s not even messed with by kryptonite…the green stuff or the lock.
Comment by 3d brian | 02.15.2011 | 3:01 pm
Apparently 96% of the 4% of vegetarians are easily offended.
Comment by AngieG | 02.15.2011 | 3:02 pm
Don’t forget the importance of breakfast with the Biscuit and Sausage Gravy Bar and desert; Apple Pie Bar. Which now that I think of it really isn’t a meat so it can’t be a meat-ergy bar. But for god sake it’s PIE so a place must be found.
@Philly Jen- We can all the SteakBar with Clenbuterol the ACBar. It does have a ring to it. :-)
Comment by CRSonic | 02.15.2011 | 3:03 pm
Pemmican. But then I’m Canadian…
Comment by M | 02.15.2011 | 3:08 pm
Vegetarian here. I thought this was an awesome post.
I am sorry to say that vegetarianism/veganism often comes with a heaping helping of smugness. To my fellow obstinate, wild-eyed, long-haired, soy milk-drinking, carrot-hugging vegans: lighten up!
I thought this was an awesome post. Go Fatty!
Comment by Cazloco | 02.15.2011 | 3:17 pm
I fry up a couple extra strips of bacon at breakfast, wrap them up in some newsprint or papertowel and put them in my jersey pocket with my homemade lard hammer-gels (I use the grease from the bacon).
Comment by Shawn | 02.15.2011 | 3:22 pm
Yes!
Sign me up for a dozen boxes of BaconBar!
Comment by HKeylin | 02.15.2011 | 3:26 pm
Think of the combinations… Turkey & Cranberries, Pot Roast & Potatoes, Sausage & Peppers, Wings & Blue Cheese, Honey Baked Ham, the possibilities are endless!!!
When I start my Meat-ergy bar company, you definitely have a position in R&D. – FC
Comment by Yiannis | 02.15.2011 | 3:28 pm
I liked it so much that I decided to get off the sofa walk to the fridge and eat a small sausage. And then it struck me. Dry-cured meat (sausage, salami) in a plastic bag will be absolutely fine for a few hours in your pocket.
In the UK you can get Peperami. The problem is that it has more than 40% fat. So, we need a proper meaty sausage without all that fat.
Go Fatty!
Comment by rokrider | 02.15.2011 | 3:37 pm
There’s no reason to re-invent the wheel. When I get ready for a ride, I just stuff my jersey pockets with corndogs, and I’m good to go.
Comment by KK | 02.15.2011 | 3:42 pm
What, no BratBars?
Comment by George | 02.15.2011 | 3:46 pm
Fatty, you do know that a can of Vienna Sausages fits nicely in a bike jersey pocket, don’t you?
Comment by Grizzly Adam | 02.15.2011 | 4:18 pm
I heartily endorse the creation of meat-ergy bars.
Comment by plutosdad | 02.15.2011 | 4:38 pm
I think there might be people interested in the salmonbar, especially cyclists from Up North.
Comment by Owen | 02.15.2011 | 5:00 pm
how about one just called roadkill..it would be a mystery meat type of thing..you know whatever they could get their hands (or sheovel) on that day
Comment by Nick | 02.15.2011 | 5:30 pm
I know this one guy who was a vegetarian in ‘96 and totally eats meat now. Like, a lot of meat. Your numbers are so skewed I can’t even look at this site anymore. Life has lost all meaning.
Comment by Caspar | 02.15.2011 | 6:00 pm
Shouldn’t thereby a warning on the wrapper: “this product could contain minute traces of Clenbuterol”?
Comment by Jenni | 02.15.2011 | 6:03 pm
I’m a vegetarian and I’d like to put in a bid for a nutritional yeast-coated tofu bar.
I never could understand why people make fun of us.
Comment by stuckinmypedals | 02.15.2011 | 6:08 pm
I eat a mostly vegetarian diet, but I could be swayed by a carne asada bar.
Comment by Lomoco88 | 02.15.2011 | 6:17 pm
Pizza-ergy bar. Now you are talking!
Comment by Wes | 02.15.2011 | 6:45 pm
Isn’t that kind of what jerky is?
Comment by dagwood | 02.15.2011 | 6:45 pm
Two words……
Beef….
Jerky!
Comment by Dan O | 02.15.2011 | 6:49 pm
Spam Bloks?
Comment by Gilbert Keith | 02.15.2011 | 8:26 pm
Panini-bar!
Comment by Jay | 02.15.2011 | 8:47 pm
Fatty – did you check out the TankaBar website another reader posted?
I’m too chicken to try them for myself, so you do it for us, OK? Buffalo + cranberries. In a bar. Wow.
Looking forward to reading all about it.
Comment by Fat Cathy | 02.15.2011 | 8:52 pm
umm, yeah. Great idea. You can work into the marketing that you eat a Bacon Bar at mile 25 and can still taste it at mile 100!
Comment by BamaJim | 02.15.2011 | 9:26 pm
Makes me think a spam musubi might make a good ride snack
(http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_musubi?wasRedirected=true)
Comment by Miles Archer | 02.15.2011 | 9:55 pm
Caspar is the winner!
Comment by Sansauto | 02.16.2011 | 1:16 am
Vegetarian and not offended… but if you want to be, this is a good one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKTsWjbjQ8E
Comment by skippy | 02.16.2011 | 3:27 am
Tour Med comes to a halt as the weather starts to cool and luckily i resisted the impulse to swan off to the Tour Algarve, to see “pistolero ” mocking the UCIless gang with his deringdo !
Woke Sunday with pain reminiscent of apres 2009TDF so took the day easy but after riding a couple of hours in Nice Moni went to Monday morning and a few hours in Ventimiglia in the afternoon i went to Monaco to collect a new uniform for this season.
No sooner back in the car than the pains set in and i felt certain i was suffering pneumonia once again if not more serious complications.
Getting back to Austria seemed the most practical solution so took to the Autostrada for Savona. Arrived in Piacenza to a welcome from friends there . Continued later in the day until reaching SChwaz where i checked in for the discovery procedures which revealed that i had made the correct discision.
Doctor will reveal results later in the day.
Meanwhile promised photos from Tom Simpson memorial, worthwhile memories
Stop using my blog as a free ad for yours, Skippy. Readers are complaining. Last warning. – FC
Comment by LeRascalier | 02.16.2011 | 3:56 am
Take a short baguette. Slice the top off with a sharp knife. Remove bready interior. Fill with bacon, raw egg, mushrooms. Microwave for a few minutes.
Hey presto – a portable ready-cooked fry-up in a handy cling-filmable self-contained package!
Comment by Greg | 02.16.2011 | 4:07 am
Bacon is the gateway meat for vegetarians. See http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/02/02/133304206/why-bacon-is-a-gateway-to-meat-for-vegetarians
Comment by Toby G | 02.16.2011 | 4:08 am
hey fatty!
you could call them Soylent Bars ..!
..oh wait
Comment by Niall in Brisbane | 02.16.2011 | 4:49 am
I was going to suggest (before I realised that this awesome blog got hijacked again by that annoying “Skippy”) that you could maybe consider doing a bar with a meat that is full of protein – kangaroo! Then I was reminded of that TV show “Skippy: the bush kangaroo”. Which bought me full circle and I realised anything remotely ‘Skippy’ (except in a separate blog devoted to “Skippy”) would be totally unpalatable and extremely hard to ingest, let alone digest.
Comment by Battlegarden | 02.16.2011 | 4:58 am
Nice! This could help people to baconize their lives even more. After discovering bacon soap and bacon toothpaste yesterday, bacon energy bars definitely are a great product idea.
Oh, and I’m not joking:
http://www.mcphee.com/shop/categories/Awesome-Stuff/Bacon-&-Meat
Comment by Lomoco88 | 02.16.2011 | 6:23 am
I think they already make meat-ergy bars – its called sausage.
Comment by Rob L | 02.16.2011 | 6:48 am
Fatty, you forgot the BBQ Bar that comes in either PulledPork or TenderBeefBrisket.
But the bacon bar would be tops. I’d like to request one with Maple Flavoring.
Comment by ChrisL905 | 02.16.2011 | 6:53 am
The only good vegetable is the one thats wrapped in Bacon.
Why does Skippy continually try and hyjack this blog? Is it becuase no one reads the trash on his site?
Maybe he needs more bacon.
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 02.16.2011 | 7:37 am
I actually love this idea. I constantly want a salty snack that’s easy to eat after guzzling all that sweet energy drink. I think HamBar should be on the list, too.
Or, we could just stick with jerkies and sausages. They’re kind of the same thing, right? ;)
Comment by MikeL | 02.16.2011 | 8:44 am
If you are going to have meat based energy bars then I think a line of beer flavored energy drinks or electrolytes need to be formulated to make the experience complete.
GRAVY IN A CAN!!!! You totally have a spot on the R&D team, too! – FC
Comment by a chris | 02.16.2011 | 8:57 am
Oh, dude. I don’t want to be mixing really hard riding and meat in my stomach. However, for lunch stops on a long tour, a nice French saucisson sec (with or without cheese and baguette) really hits the spot. I’m finished my riding for the day, and I am drooling now.
OK, as Cyclin’ Missy pointed out, it’s kinda the same thing. I guess where you have the stroke of genius is the marketing and distribution to a cycling market.
Sweet mock-up, Kenny.
Comment by Dave T | 02.16.2011 | 9:15 am
How about a fatty tuna bar maybe even a spicy fatty tuna bar! I’m in.
Comment by NYCCarlos | 02.16.2011 | 9:25 am
My favorite thing after a long ride is dinosaur barbecue and beer. Maybe we should make a beer flavored energy drink to go along with the meat flavored energy bar?
Comment by Ira | 02.16.2011 | 9:32 am
fatty you do have some ideas here but you just about lost all the vegetarian fans by not is so many words calling them morons, wild and uncoothed. when you said
“So why are all of our energy bars acting like we’re a bunch of wild-eyed, long-haired, soy milk-drinking, carrot-hugging vegans?”
thats was not cool. i know you are a stand up guy so make ammends.
Maybe you should have added “Thin Skinned” to the list.
Comment by Sue | 02.16.2011 | 10:09 am
They need to come with a warmer also – then it could be dual purpose on cold rides!
Comment by MattC | 02.16.2011 | 10:11 am
Make sure you include a potato-chip version (that could be the vegetarian one, unless it was made with lard). Who doesn’t like Potato chips? MMMMMM! Crispy, crunchy (much like bacon). Maybe some potato-chips wrapped in bacon?
And then we also need one using pork-rinds. Wrapped in Bacon. And then deep-fried again. In lard.
I think you’re on to something here Fatty. Maybe Probar will make a test-batch and will send you some samples. And really nice work on the mockup Kenny!
On a seriuous note, to largearge @ 2:04pm, thanks for the link to the Tankabars. Seriously. It sounds intriguing, and using the store locator I found there is a store right here in town that sells them…I will actually try one. Buffalo and cranberries. What’s not to like there?
Comment by Clydesteve | 02.16.2011 | 11:39 am
I had a saus-ergy bar for breakfast, but got pressed for time and left the house before the rest of my meal.
Now, after reading this post, I’m hungry. Checked the secret stash drawer in my desk at work. Nothing but mouse turds.
Nuts. I mean crap. I mean bleh.
Comment by MattC | 02.16.2011 | 12:00 pm
Clydesteve…you gotta’ stock ur secret stash better. Just a quick glance at my ‘pantry’ above my desk reveals 2 boxes of 2010 Christmas Peeps (you gotta age them a bit so they get just a tiny bit rubbery for best texture), half a gigantic bag of life savers (wintOgreen), 1 Trader Joes Mushroom n Rice Noodle Soup, one banana (still edible), 1/2 a box of Nilla Vanilla wafers (the REAL ones, not those sad imitations), half a bag of dried strawberries, n half a bag of dried banana chips. I just finished the box of choc. coated macadamia n toffee bits this morning. Gads, it’s amazing I don’t weigh 500lbs. Thanks Mom n Dad for the super-charged metabolism!
Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 02.16.2011 | 12:07 pm
I’ve got my wallet out and ready to buy a bacon bar right now!
And I agree with other comments… Bacon should be like champange. Actual champange can only come from the Champange region of France. Bacon can only come from a pig — not a turkey, not a vegetable, only a pig.
Comment by Matthew | 02.16.2011 | 12:07 pm
*Smoked* Salmon. All of the salmon, none of the fishiness. Are you sure you lived in Seattle?
Comment by Haven (KT) | 02.16.2011 | 3:33 pm
Pemmican. I believe a kind Canadian suggested that. Maybe pemmican wrapped in bacon? Tankabar sounds somewhat like this, I’m interested in this concept. I’m not a big fan of sweet snacks, I like salty snacks better.
I’d go for a baconbar but it’d have to be an extra-crispy one. I don’t like limp bacon.
Ira: I liked your thin-skinned comment; maybe lack of meat products = thinner layer of fat under their skins = thin skinned people? That’s my theory, I’m going with it.
I’m a part-time vegetarian. So I’m only making fun of vegetarians part-time.
Comment by Diane in WA | 02.16.2011 | 4:13 pm
Anything with Bacon. Yessiree, you got it.
Comment by MSB | 02.17.2011 | 2:39 pm
Fatty, if you make a meat-ergy bar of any kind you mention, I’ll buy the first box.
Comment by Tom Fury | 02.17.2011 | 6:50 pm
Many, and I do mean many, years ago there was a backpacking staple that was actually called the BaconBar. It was basically precooked chopped bacon compressed into a bar about the size of a bar of soap. Not those paltry little hotel soaps, but the real thing – think Zest or maybe Lifeboy. It tasted bacony/salty/smokey and was the perfect mid-morning snack while out on the trail, as long as you had plenty of water. My friend Turkey Neck & I practically survived on them during a week long trek on the AT back in the 70’s. They were delicous, but sadly don’t seem to be available any more.
Oh, nothing personal but has anyone ever told you you sign your name like a girl? ‘Cuz, you know, it’s kind of girly.
Comment by Spiff | 02.17.2011 | 8:16 pm
For every energy bar I eat, no matter how good it used to taste – I will no longer notice the sweetness of the chocolat or the perfect blend of cinnaimon, oats and raisins. I will only notice the flavour viod that should be filled with salty bacony goodness.
Comment by Jenni | 02.18.2011 | 8:47 pm
Hey, stop speaking for all vegetarians.
I am not the least bit offended.
Thanks for warning Skippy. It’s enough already.
Comment by Gomez | 02.23.2011 | 8:07 am
Dude, be careful! Once word hits the streets about the Bacon Meat-ergy bar, Hinduism could crumble. For that matter, I could see Islam getting reformist about pork as well. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.
Comment by scott | 02.23.2011 | 8:23 pm
I bet all the animals currently languishing in horrific factory farming conditions think this post is just ridiculously hilarious. I’m not offended, but don’t think humor erases the severity of the situation.
Here…. http://www.meatvideo.com/
Also, there’s a reason your a fat cyclist.
Finally, you should REALLY do some research into the diets that not only avoid cancer but help reverse the promotion of it. This coming from someone whose sister died of triple negative breast cancer.
Comment by Jeff | 02.25.2011 | 2:18 pm
Scott,
Not every farm is a factory farm: http://www.northmountainpastures.com
…and now I can’t stop thinking about bacon…
Comment by Fifth Column | 02.25.2011 | 2:49 pm
Oh please, oh please, oh please say we can look forward to an “angry vegan” pocket quote on next year’s jersey!
Comment by Choppie | 02.25.2011 | 3:24 pm
If YOU’RE going to take issue with a joke, I’m going to take issue with your grammar.
Your: possessive.
You’re: contraction, you are.
“Help reverse the promotion of cancer?” Does that mean it takes away cancer’s public service announcements and billboards? Or just its magazine ads?
Comment by Grizzly Adam | 02.25.2011 | 4:22 pm
“Also, there’s a reason your a fat cyclist.”
If that isn’t fit for a T-shirt, than nothing is.
And can you imagine what Scott the Vegan Runner would have said if the banner image with the Brats (which were amazing) were still live?
Comment by mark | 02.25.2011 | 5:42 pm
Scott is an anarchist. Which means that he doesn’t believe in government. Which means he doesn’t want anyone to tell him what to do. Although he has no issue telling us not to eat meat.
Isn’t life great when your views so obviously occupy the moral high ground? The sanctimony and self-righteousness don’t seem even the least bit ironic.
Comment by Eric | 02.26.2011 | 4:59 am
sorry. i’m even later to the party than the flag toting vegan.
i can’t stop thinking of this bar flavor:
the taste of kenny’s homemade bread wrapped around a succulent beer boiled brat slathered with mayo and duerdens.
behold – THE FAT-KENNY BAR
oh my good sweet hell that just sounds irresistibly delicious.
Comment by Abby N | 02.28.2011 | 8:46 pm
Heck yes TankaBar. So good. Based on wasna or pemmican.
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Comment by Keith | 03.2.2011 | 2:30 pm
Not to detract from the excellent ideas already proposed. But I’m secretly working on the pickle bar flavor- savory, crunchy and an instant cramping soother. Ok, so perhaps it’s just a pickle, but I’m thinking of pushing it through a slicer so it’s shaped like a bar, a shape we are more accustomed to ingesting. Shh don’t tell anyone!
Comment by Average Joe | 03.4.2011 | 1:44 pm
Can I submit a request for a Gyros bar, paste or shot? Better yet, a gyros bar with a tzatziki-shot chaser.
Comment by Fat Chick on a Bike | 03.5.2011 | 8:41 am
Fatty, Fatty, Fatty.
You missed the most meat-tastic flavor of all:
Buffalo Wing Flavor
Guaranteed to “light your fires” after the 1st 50 miles of a ride.
Signed,
Buffalo Gal
PS Pretty cool how many of us vegetablearians seem to think your post rocks and I will be trying those burritos. Without the chicken broth.
Comment by B.cereus | 03.12.2011 | 8:42 pm
I’m a recovering vegetarian. I was a veggie for 20 years starting when I was 5, before veggie burgers, before tofu in the grocery store. The inability to take a joke with most vegetarians was so bad that in undergrad I usually wouldn’t admit to being one. I was also taunted by some veggies that I wasn’t vegetarian enough. It was so ridiculous and childish. Now I eat meat and tofu, it was love at first brat.
Comment by Slowtrain | 03.19.2011 | 11:50 am
I’d like to see meals in a bar. My first vote is for Thanksgiving Dinner. It should contain 2 types of turkey (fried and baked), ham, mash potatoes (optional gravy packet), stuffing, cranberry sauce, corn, green beans, and green bean casserole (my wife’s has bacon in it). Then sold separately, but consumed following the above bar, would be dessert of your choice including pumpkin pie, ice cream, apple pie, etc. The directions will have to be specific:
1. Consume
2. Pull your bike over
3. Sleep for 2 hours while football is streaming on your iPhone.
Comment by Jenice | 04.8.2011 | 1:16 pm
Hey there, Fat Cyclist!
Saw your post about meat-ergy bars
We would be happy to send you a few of our products if you would like to try them!
Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Register Now for the 4th Annual 100 Miles of Nowhere | 04.11.2011 | 4:21 am
[...] was kidding when I wrote my original “Meat-ergy” post, but I’m not kidding at all when I say that these are fantastic. And if you’re a vegetarian, [...]