A Note from Fatty: This post is going to wander a little bit, but rest assured: this is because I have a subtle mind, not because I am middle-aged and enfeebled.
When I write a blog post, I generally have certain expectations about what will happen next:
- Several people will comment on the post. Many will enjoy it. A few won’t. At least one of the comments will contain insights or jokes better than anything included in the post itself. This does not hurt my feelings.
- A few people will tweet or email me about the post.
- Everyone will forget about the post and move on with their lives. Including me.
- This item included because lists of four are too rare in this day and age, where it seems like there’s some unwritten law that lists must contain a prime number of items. Although 10 is also OK.
Last week, though, I wrote a jokey little post that did both.
Angry Leads to Awesome
The idea for the post came when I gave my friend Kenny some ProBars. As I did, I mentioned to his girlfriend Heather — a vegetarian — that she might enjoy them, because they’re vegetarian (I meant to say vegan).
“You mean,” she joked, “these energy bars don’t have little pieces of meat in them? How original.”
And of course, a lightbulb went off in my head and I wrote my Meat-ergy post.
As some of you know by now, this generated a little bit of a fuss among some readers. This bothered me at first — I’m a pretty thin-skinned person, sometimes. This consternation turned, however, to pure joy as my friend Dug took one particularly sanctimonious comment and pretty much crushed it.
That, by itself, would have been a sufficiently awesome unintended consequence. But it got better.
I also heard from Derek, who said:
“Hey, one of the companies I represent makes a beef bar, and a beef and berry bar, and jerky. Send me your address and I’ll send you a box. They actually are great one a ride.”
Naturally, I sent him my address, and the next day (literally) I had this:
Buffalo, beef, and berry meat-ergy galore, all packaged in easy-to-stuff-in-jersey form factors.
The Runner and I tried out several different flavors and came to the same conclusion: Yum.
Having one or two of these in the jersey, we agreed, would be an awesome antidote to the “sweet carbs overload” effect you get when eating and drinking sweet stuff nonstop for hours on end.
“I ought to contact Derek and see if he’d like to throw some of these in the 100 Miles of Nowhere Schwag Bag,” I told The Runner, and went over to my email.
But I never needed to propose this idea to Derek, because he had already left an email suggesting that exact thing.
So — in addition to the carbs — expect some protein in your 100 Miles of Nowhere bag this year.
And if you’re a vegetarian, give it to someone who’s not.
Wherein I Restore Balance to the Universe by Giving You an Awesome Vegetarian (Maybe Even Vegan) Burritos Recipe
To read all this meat-ergy stuff, you might get the impression that I’m a strict carnivore. In reality, I am not. In fact, with a practicing vegetarian in the house (The Runner’s youngest), I go out of my way to prepare vegetarian dishes pretty often.
And recently, I found (and then tweaked) a recipe for really fantastic vegetarian burritos. The original recipe comes from my sister Kellene. I’ve modified it a little bit as I experimented with it.
Whether you’re a vegan, vegetarian, or omnivore, give this a try. I think you’ll like it as much as my family does.
2 cans vegetable broth (Kellene’s original recipe called for chicken broth for her “vegetarian” burritos. Kellene cracks me up)
2 cans coconut milk. Or light coconut milk if you’re that kind of person.
4 sweet potatoes. Or are they called yams? I can’t seem to get a straight answer.
1 onion, chopped up real good. Or 2 onions, if you like onions a lot, like I do. Your call.
1 clove garlic, minced (or 1/4 tsp garlic powder if you’re lazy like me).
1 diced green, red, orange, or yellow pepper. Or, again, go with a couple peppers.
2 tsp cumin. I’m surprised every time I use this spice by how good it smells. Wow.
1 pkg frozen corn. Or canned, if you like your corn mushy and gross.
1 can black beans. Don’t use kidney beans. Kidney beans are nasty.
1/3 c cilantro, chopped. Is there a better smell in the world than chopped cilantro? Answer: no.
1 Tbs lime juice
1 c grated cheese (unless you’re vegan, in which case use whatever vegans use instead of cheese. Maybe a whole bunch of kale and spinach and sawdust?)
warm tortillas. Vegetarian tortillas, mind you. Or vegan, if there’s a difference. But I don’t think there is.
Chopped avocados. Chop them humanely, and don’t use avocados from a horrific factory farm where they treat their avocados cruelly.
Chopped tomatoes. I don’t have a joke to make about tomatoes that I haven’t already pretty much used on my avocados ingredient.
Shredded lettuce. See tomatos.
Mexican rice (If you don’t know have a good recipe for Mexican rice already, prepare as normal rice, but add a package of taco seasoning to the water, and maybe a little enchilada sauce)
- Combine the broth and coconut milk into a pot, holding a little of the broth in reserve. Put the pot on to boil.
- Peel and chop the sweet potatoes, then add to the coconut milk mixture. Boil until the sweet potatoes are soft (perhaps just a little harder than if you were going to mash them). Once light pressure with the edge of a spoon will cut a sweet potato pice apart, you’re there.
- While the sweet potatoes are on to boil, saute the onion, garlic, peppers, and cumin in the remaining vegetable broth. Sauteing using broth is a great way to skip using oil or butter and still get excellent taste.
- Cook the corn per package instructions.
- Strain the black beans.
- Once the sweet potatoes are soft, strain them from the coconut milk mixture (discard the coconut milk mixture).
- Combine the sweet potatoes, the sauteed onion mixture, the corn, the beans, the cilantro, the lime juice, and the cheese.
- Wrap the sweet potato mixture in tortillas along with some rice, avocado, tomato and lettuce.
- Top with your favorite salsa. Or your second favorite salsa.
Enjoy. I mean that seriously. You will enjoy these. Or I will be very angry at you. You think I bend over backwards, slaving over a hot stove all day for you to not enjoy these delicious burritos? Darn right I don’t.
Here, have another one.
PS: I did not include pictures of the food, because any picture I have ever taken of food has made that food look gross. You’re welcome.