A “Wow, That Went Fast, Let’s Keep Going” UPDATE from Fatty: I would never have believed that registration for the 4th Annual 100 Miles of Nowhere would register its 500 slots in one day!
My guess is, there are still a lot of you who would like to register and do the event, but didn’t get time to register yet.
The problem is, I got a commitment from my sponsors to provide swag for 500 registrations, and it would not be cool to strain their generosity by asking them for (possibly a lot) more.
So here’s what we’re going to do.
From this point forward, the registration for the 100 Miles of Nowhere has a few differences.
- What you get: Registration now gets you the t-shirt and race plate.
- New price. Instead of $85, the registration is now $80. This reflects the lower cost of shipping. My suspicion is that most of you appreciated getting the swag, but will survive without getting it, so $5 off the price should be an acceptable — albeit disappointing — tradeoff.
- New registration pages: Men click here to register; women click here to register.
So, throughout the rest of this post, you might find a couple of updates due to the quick signup of the first 500 people. I’ll flag those with a big red bold UPDATE.
I’ve got a feeling this is going to be the biggest, most-ridiculous 100 Miles of Nowhere yet!
Thanks for your generosity.
A Let’s-Get-Right-to-the-Point Note from Fatty: If you already know you want to sign up for the 100 Miles of Nowhere and just want to hurry up and register, click here to sign up for men, or click here to sign up for women .
I’m in Florida right now. It’s Spring Break for the kids, and so we’re splitting the week between Disney World and Cocoa Beach. The weather’s been in the low 80’s; we’re soaking up the sun and loving the strange, wonderful feeling of being able to wear shorts again. Saturday, we went to Epcot. Yesterday we relaxed on the beach and body-surfed. Last night, we watched the fireworks show at Disney World.
The kids are happy; I’m exhausted and a little bit sunburned. It’s past midnight, and there are very few things in the world I’d rather do than go to bed right now.
However, I’m writing this post anyways. Because registration for the 4th Annual 100 Miles of Nowhere starts today (Tuesday), and announcing that is more important than sleep.
Yes, I said it. This event is more important to me than a good night’s rest. And for those of you who know exactly how grumpy I get when I don’t get my 10.5 hours of sleep per night, you know that this event must be very important indeed.
General Information, Things You Ought To Know, And Whatnot
The 100 Miles of Nowhere is a race without a place. It’s an event in which hundreds of people participate . . . all by ourselves. (Or with a friend. Or with 20 friends.)
It’s a very strange thing where you pay $
85 [UPDATE: Now $80] (which includes shipping) for the privilege of riding your rollers, trainer, or a very small course (like around the block or up and down a hill) for 100 miles. And then the profits from your entry go to LiveStrong, to help them as they help people, worldwide, in their battles against cancer.
I did the first annual one by myself, back before I knew it would be annual at all. The second one a bunch of us — from all around the world — did together, and people sent in their stories, many of which I published here.
In the third year, the race went absolutely bananas, and the 500 available spots sold out in no time, and for a few days, I posted a new story from a reader every couple of hours. I plan to carry on that tradition this year, as well.
This year, the “official” date of the race is Saturday, June 4. I’ve made the date a little later, due to the fact that more and more people are taking the 100 Miles of Nowhere outside and making it a fun, strange thing to do with friends, rather than a solitary form of torture you inflict upon yourself and the time is whenever is convenient for you.
And, thanks to the flexibility of the event — i.e., it’s just you, really — if June doesn’t work for you, you can do it another day.
Like in October, if you feel like it. Or later this afternoon if you just don’t have anything else to do. It’s your call, really.
And also, the “100 Miles” part is more of a guideline than a rule. For example, if you would rather ride 50 miles, that’s fine with me. So is 25.
Or if you’re a runner and you want to do a marathon on the treadmill, that would be awesome. If you’re a swimmer, swim five miles. I’m not picky.
And of course, the very best thing about the 100 Miles of Nowhere is that you are going to win your division. You just need to make sure your division is specific enough that there’s no chance anyone else is in it.
What You’ll Get
The 100 Miles of Nowhere is a fake event, but the schwag is real — and it’s better than what you’d be getting at a lot of events that make you get up at horrible hours, travel ridiculous distances before you even get to the starting area, and then wait for half an hour to use an overflowing portapotty.
Oooh, I just had a terrific slogan idea for next year: “100 Miles of Nowhere: No Overflowing Portapotties.”
OK, back to the pitch.
Here’s what you’ll score — shipped to you in late May:
The Event T-Shirt [UPDATE: Late registrants still get the shirt] : My good friends at Twin Six have — once again — managed to come up with a pure-genius design for this year’s event shirt. You saw a small version at the top of the post, but here’s a closer look:
And an extreme close-up, to give you an idea of what the text looks like:
A Race Plate [UPDATE: Late registrants still get the race plate]: My favorite souvenir of races is the race plate I get to put on my bike. The Runner and I like to staple them to the wall in the garage. So this year I’ve asked Bike Monkey — the folks who promote and run the amazing Levi’s GranFondo — to design a race plate you can attach to your bike. You know, so the fans will be able to recognize you. And so when the cops pull you over because the neighbors have complained because this is the 48th time you’ve ridden past their house in the past 7 hours, you can explain, “I’m not a public nuisance, I’m a bike racer.”
PRO Bars [UPDATE: the Halo bars went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these]: PRO Bar recently introduce Halo bars, “The Sinfully Healthy Snack,” which you’ll be getting in your swag box. A week ago, they sent me a box of 12 for each flavor.
All of them are gone now.
The Runner, my kids, my friends, and I descended on these like a horde of hungry yaks.
They’re good for you, but they taste like they’re not. You’re going to love them.
An Issue (and special subscription rate) of Bike Monkey Magazine [UPDATE: the magazines went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these]: Tired of biking magazines that teach you the same 15 tips and tricks, over and over and over, year after year? Or that review stuff you’ll never even consider buying? Then you’ll enjoy Bike Monkey, a magazine that’s about people, bikes, and rides. I dig it, and hopefully will someday be good enough to write for it.
You’ll get a free issue of Bike Monkey with your swag box, as well as a great discount offer in case you decide to subscribe. Which you should.
Leverage [UPDATE: the Leverage coupons went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these]: This is an action-packed show about a group of thieves who run cons to help people who have nowhere to turn. They’re bad guys being good guys.
If you haven’t watched an episode, this is going to be your chance, because you’re going to get a coupon to download an episode for free. And then you can leave a comment telling Paul Guyot — writer for the show and frequent commenter on this blog — how awesome he is. Which is in fact true.
This is already one of my favorite shows for while riding the rollers. Now it’s going to be yours.
Banjo Brothers Seat Bag: [UPDATE: the Seat Bags went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these] You know who the first advertiser I ever had was? You know who the first company that ever did giveaways with me was? In both cases, it was Banjo Brothers, a small company making great bags for cyclists. I have their Seat Bags on every single bike I own — both road and mountain.
This year, Banjo Brothers will be supplying a variety of different seat bags for the 100 Miles of Nowhere. Which will you get — the Mini, the Small, the Medium, or the Large? You won’t know ’til you get your box. Regardless, since you’re always going to be getting new bikes, you’re always going to need a new bike seat bag. Then you won’t be that guy who is unprepared when you get a flat.
DZ-Nuts: [UPDATE: the DZ-Nuts went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these] DZ Nuts returns for a third year as a sponsor of the 100 Miles of Nowhere. Awesome. If you use chamois cream, it’s high time you try DZ-Nuts. If you have never tried chamois cream, I cannot think of a more perfect time to begin. As I have noted in my review, this is good stuff.
Seriously, if you’re going to be riding your bike for 100 miles and not going anywhere while doing it, you should at least be protecting your junk.
CarboRocket “Half Evil” CR333 [UPDATE: the CR333 went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these]: A couple years ago, my friend Brad told me about a new sports drink he had in mind: something powerful enough that you could drink it — and consume nothing else — long term, for however big your ride is.
Soon, had had invented “CR333? — because it has 333 calories per serving.
“You know,” I said, “333? is half the number of the beast. You should call it ‘Half-Evil’ in your tagline.”
In my defense, I didn’t honestly expect him to take me seriously.
Taglines notwithstanding, CR333 is amazing. You seriously can go all day with it. No upset stomach, no bonk. And 100 Miles of Nowhere racers will be the first people in the world to get to try out the new single-serve packets, in both raspberry and lemonade.
Give CR333 a spin during your 100 Miles of Nowhere; I think you’re going to decide it’s your new favorite endurance fuel.
Winchester Bars [UPDATE: the Winchester bars went to the first 500 registrants only. Those are gone now; late registrants will not get these]: What’s the antidote to yet another energy gel or energy chew or whatever? Meat-ergy is, that’s what.
Since getting a couple of boxes of these Winchester Beef and Cranberry bars, both the Runner and I have become huge fans. They’re like jerky, but with cranberry to give both taste and texture variety.
I was kidding when I wrote my original “Meat-ergy” post, but I’m not kidding at all when I say that these are fantastic. And if you’re a vegetarian, you can give yours to someone who isn’t. They’ll be glad you did. (And I’ll leave you to consider the ethical considerations of a vegetarian giving meat to someone.).
How Do You Register?
Registering for the 100 Miles of Nowhere is easy. Go over to Twin Six — this page if you’re a man, or this page if you’re a woman — and pick the size of T-shirt you want, then pay the $85 registration.
In late May, you’ll get your kit, and you’ll be all set to go.
Now, there are a couple things you need to be aware of:
- You can do this race anywhere: One of the nice things about 100 Miles to Nowhere is that it can be anywhere. I’ve had people ask me if they can do the race in Europe and Canada, and the answer is yes.
The schwag is capped at 500 : The sponsors of this event have very real costs associated with this event, and since — mostly — it’s small companies sponsoring the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I need to assure them that they’re not going to have to come up with — for example — 2000 seat bags. Last year, this race filled up in about a day, so I wouldn’t dilly-dally.
- UPDATE: While it’s too late for you to get the schwag (as indicated at the beginning of the post and hinted at in the now-stricken-out bullet point above), it’s not too late to register. However, registration closes at Midnight (CT), April 18, and when it’s over, it’s over for real. So you’ve got time to persuade your friends to join up, but not much.
Got a question? Leave it in the comments. I’ll answer it in comments — or if it seems like something a lot of people are wondering, I’ll update this post.
And In Conclusion…
This will be a lot of fun, and it will be very stupid, and it will do a lot of good.
Thanks for — for the fourth time — racing nowhere for 100 miles with me!
PS:When I originally posted this — around midnight — I accidentally put the date at June 11. That’s the incorrect date; I have corrected it to June 4. Sorry for the confusion (and that’ll teach me to post when I’m about to fall asleep at the keyboard!).