Evidently, My Body Wants to Give You My $6600 Superfly 100

05.11.2011 | 12:51 pm

201105111215.jpg One week and one day ago, I made a rash decision: since my tactic of not allowing myself to open my Superfly 100 ’til I got down to the (for me) near-racing weight of 158 pounds had not worked, I would force the issue by setting a deadline and a very, very severe penalty:

If I don’t get down to 158 pounds by June 3, I will give this bike — and the extremely nice (and pricey) Bontrager XXX carbon fiber wheels that I bought for this bike — away.

All told, that’s around $6600-worth of bike (size 17.5″), all brand-spanking new.

Sadly for me — and fortunately for anyone who has donated at my LiveStrong Challenge page — my weight loss has not gone all that spectacularly. Here were my original “weight loss trajectory” goals:

  • May 10 (1 week): 166 pounds (4 pounds lost)
  • May 17 (2 weeks) 163 pounds (3 pounds lost)
  • May 24 (3 weeks) 161 pounds (2 pounds lost)
  • May 31 (4 weeks) 159 pounds (2 pounds lost)
  • June 3 (final) 158 pounds (1 pound lost)

This seemed like an achievable goal, and I set about achieving that achievable goal with alacrity and no small amount of vim. And maybe even a little vigor.


The sidebar to this blog tells the tale, but suffice it to say that things haven’t gone quite as well as planned. Which is to say, as of yesterday — by which time I should have lost those “easy” first four pounds, I had lost . . . ummm . . . nothing.

In point of fact, as of yesterday, I had gained a net of 0.4 pounds since the beginning weigh-in.

Things do not bode well for me.

My Misfortune is Your Fortune, Plus You’ll Be Joining the Fight Against Cancer

To be fair, my weight today is 168, but I kinda think that’s mostly due to the fact that I rode my rollers for about 90 minutes yesterday without taking a drink, and then never sufficiently rehydrated (I wasn’t intentionally avoiding drinking, it’s just that Firefly is so good that I forgot to drink anything.

So. Here’s my new weight-loss timeline:

  • May 17 (2 weeks) 166 pounds (4 pounds lost)
  • May 24 (3 weeks) 162 pounds (4 pounds lost)
  • May 31 (4 weeks) 159 pounds (3 pounds lost)
  • June 3 (final) 158 pounds (1 pound lost)

Ambitious, yes? Perhaps a little too ambitious? Honestly, I hope not, and I have started taking this diet thing a lot more seriously, because I have a lot to lose in very little time.

Meanwhile, there’s no reason, if I fail, that you shouldn’t benefit from my failure while also helping LiveStrong in the fight against cancer.

You can read the details here, but the basics are easy: Go to my LiveStrong Challenge page and donate some amount of money, in multiples of $5.00. For each $5.00 you donate, you’ll automatically get a number in my magical Excel spreadsheet. Then, if I don’t get to 158 pounds by my June 3 weigh-in (and I don’t get to cheat by using dehydration or other tactics, and I don’t get to round down, so my weight has to be 158.0 or lower), I’ll choose a number at random (using random.org to pick the number), and that person wins the bike and the wheels.

And I pay for shipping. (But if you’re outside the US, you pay for customs.)

Oh, and for those of you who feel bad about the idea of taking a bike from me, consider this: At this point, unless I manage to lose the weight, someone is going to get the bike. It may as well be you, right?

And more to the point, whether you win or not, you’re helping in the fight against cancer. So even though you’re betting against me, you’re doing so in the name of the cause that matters most to me. So we’re still friends, even if you get my bike.

In fact, we’ll be friends especially if you get my bike, cuz I’ll probably want to come over and borrow it sometimes.

So. Donate now. And wish me luck as I try to (finally) lose this weight!


  1. Comment by chtrich | 05.11.2011 | 1:15 pm

    you’ve got balls to stick to this. Good luck to you..or to me :-)
    And hey, I live close by so I’d let you borrow it sometimes.

  2. Comment by Jessy Diamond | 05.11.2011 | 1:26 pm

    Just donated $10 ! I really hope you’ll reach your goal.

  3. Comment by James | 05.11.2011 | 1:30 pm

    So I guess that means your gain can be our gain too.

  4. Comment by Melissa | 05.11.2011 | 1:51 pm

    So where can I mail the boxes of Girl Scout Cookies??

  5. Comment by Clydesteve | 05.11.2011 | 1:55 pm

    Yes, Fatty, Firefly is crazy-good.

    Take heart – I think your metabolism is just about to kick in. And, I did not really send you any cookies. My wife thought it would be mean.

  6. Comment by JamesInPhoenix | 05.11.2011 | 2:21 pm

    So although I bet “against” you, it’s not personal. And I tell you what if I win you can come on over and borrow the bike any time you want… my treat…
    But to help you hold onto that sweet ride I’m prepared to offer some weight loss advice I learned through 8 plus years of wrestling.
    1) cutting water weight is well within the rules, if you make weight at weigh in… you’ve made weight the ref doesn’t ask nor need to know where that weight came from… unless you’ve got a bloody stump where a limb was… that might be an issue…
    2) To that end a good set of plastics under a set of sweats go a LONG way in cutting weight. Use judiciously as it can be a bit of a problem to be severely dehydrated.
    3) According to every wrestling coach I ever had weight loss must require lots and lots of running -or was that the endurance to last a full match… Anyway you’ll want to run and run and run some more, around tracks, up stairs (every tread no skipping treads because that would be cheating… like hanging a toe off the scale and leaning just a little, weigh in tricks I disavow but they can net you about 3 or so lbs if you have no morals), anyway run up hills, on trails, around the house, if you’re going somewhere YOU ARE RUNNING! you may not believe this if I told you but you’ll run like the wind blows… (sorry got a little Gump on ya there). If you’re near a high school with a field and bleachers those work well as you can combine laps and stairs and lots of them both. You can run around the track once or twice, then up the stairs once or twice, call that one lap, and repeat 5 times or so… followed by skipping rope. I would cut about 10 lbs in the first two weeks of each season with that kind of warm up, before our 1.5 hour long practice. So I’d do that and then some swimming, riding or weight training. If you’re not physically exhausted by the end of each “practice” you’re not cutting weight. Don’t make me take you to “two a day”s…
    And to quote the eloquent Red Green, “Remember I’m pulling for ya… we’re all in this together…”

  7. Comment by Jeff | 05.11.2011 | 2:47 pm

    I’m trying to decide whether I should be supportive of your weight loss, or your bike loss…I feel conflicted.

    On the other hand, you used “kinda” in a sentence, a written sentence, and I didn’t find it completely abhorrent. Which means I must have a considerable amount of respect for you.

    So I choose to root for your weight loss, so that you keep your bike and that you raise a lot of money for cancer.

    I mean against cancer.

  8. Comment by Badger | 05.11.2011 | 3:06 pm

    Stay shiny!

  9. Comment by Wash | 05.11.2011 | 3:08 pm

    And lose the gorram weight!

    (ok, stopping now)

  10. Comment by Obstinate Roadie | 05.11.2011 | 3:10 pm

    Try riding a short ride before breakfast in addition to riding in the afternoon. I hear it helps you shed weight, but it’s very unpleasant. I prefer to ride more.

  11. Comment by ed | 05.11.2011 | 3:16 pm

    Maybe I missed this part. What size is it?

  12. Comment by lisa | 05.11.2011 | 3:30 pm

    Battlestar Galactica will take you many miles as well.

  13. Comment by Nick | 05.11.2011 | 4:30 pm

    @ed 17.5

    Fatty, i’m in this one with you (again). I need to drop another 13 lbs by 6/5/11 to complete my pledge of dropping 54.5 lbs prior to the start of this year’s AIDS/LifeCycle ride. I was at 323 on Dec 1 when i signed up to ride. I bounced off of 278 but am moving in the right direction again.

    I still need to raise about $1500 over the next couple of weeks, if anyone wants to help people living with AIDS. http://tinyurl.com/nicks-alc10/

  14. Comment by Simon | 05.11.2011 | 4:37 pm

    I recommend severing your non-dominant arm. That cuts weight super quickly.

  15. Comment by LIz | 05.11.2011 | 7:20 pm

    Good luck, I know you can do it. Don’t get discouraged. Progress will come soon. You’ll be riding that bike on June 4th. AND you will have raised lots of money for Livestrong.

  16. Comment by Squirrelhead | 05.11.2011 | 7:33 pm

    I hope you can turn it around and drop the weight you are hoping to lose but I donated $20. It is a good cause either way and like you said, if it does happen to be given away, I may as well try to get it. It will be about the only way I end up with a sweet bike like that. Remember Fatty, eat small, be small.

  17. Comment by It's Not what your Body Wants | 05.11.2011 | 8:05 pm

    Dear Fatty,
    I would like to introduce you to the story of one Leslie Michael Jasper, a college football player who achieved his dream of a chance to play in the NFL by losing 70 lbs in about 140 days. If he can lose 1/2 lb a day, you can lose your 10 lbs and keep your dreamy bike. Biking a mere 525 miles at 15 mph while eating to your basal metabolic rate should do it. Extra calories above your BMR should require ~15 additional miles per 1000 calories. If you eat more than 1000 extra calories every time you bike 15 miles – can’t help

  18. Comment by jeff | 05.11.2011 | 9:41 pm

    I very much do not want to see us vultures win this thing!

  19. Comment by AK_Chick | 05.11.2011 | 11:43 pm

    LOVE LOVE LOVE Firefly (and Nathan Fillion). I named one of our dogs after Kaylee (Yes sir Captain Tight Pants). :) Every time my husband and I watch Firefly or Serenity, we shake our heads at the stupidity of FOX for letting this show die. Idiots!

    Just realized there is less than a month before the 100 Miles of Nowhere and I’m very out of shape. Oy. This is going to be very interesting. :)

    Good luck on your weight loss. Or not. ;)

  20. Comment by Patrick | 05.12.2011 | 3:09 am

    Good luck Fatty, if I were to be chosen, (first I’d have to donate, sorry, but I am doing 100m of nowhere) I’d give you the bike back, I hope that if you don’t reach your total that whoever wins does the same.

  21. Comment by Jacob | 05.12.2011 | 6:26 am

    I think if you meet or beat your goal you should mail the winner of the contest a photo of the bike with a picture of Nelson from The Simpsons pointing and saying “HA ha!”

    Also, Firefly was awesome. And Pizza is my favorite food. They go well together.

  22. Comment by KM | 05.12.2011 | 7:11 am

    Contrary to all the well-wishers I’m counting on the epic fail of this whole diet…I mean really, whats a few extra cashews and oreos really going to do? They don’t weigh that much? Those won’t hurt you.

    But I want a fair fight so to assist anger you towards success (although a small part of me hopes it just demoralizes you resulting in wailing and gnashing of teeth until Kenny kicks you) I will tell you exactly what will happen if I get your Firefly.

    1. I will take a photos and send them to you of me opening the box and gleefully removing the contents and assembling the frame. One of the photos will be of me licking your frame. I mean I have to mark my territory and any other method of claiming terrirory would be weird. At least that’s what it looks like on Animal Planet.
    2. Once assembled, I will begin sending you weekly photos of your Firefly being ridden in a variety of locations for at least a year.
    3. I will do everything in my power to get to the Leadville 100, (or some other event where I can guarantee you’ll be) and there I will ride with you for as long as possible mocking you with the presence and magnificence of your former Firefly. I hope it makes you weep. Oh this will be grand!

    Yes I want your shame to be great.

  23. Comment by Erin | 05.12.2011 | 7:47 am

    Dear Fatty’s Body:

    Thank you. Please recommence weight loss after said SS arrives on my porch.


  24. Comment by Erin | 05.12.2011 | 7:51 am

    SS, SF, you know. The bike, not the German military. If they show up on my porch… I won’t be so giddy.

  25. Comment by Angie | 05.12.2011 | 7:56 am

    Fatty, I want you to lose the weight. I don’t want you to feel like you’re powerless to take control of your habits, even in the face of such a motivating challenge. So here are some things I’ve learned from years of being a typical woman and critiquing myself in the mirror.

    Stare at the fat and the bulges and HATE them. Look yourself in the eye and say, “Only you can do this. You will eat less and lose those rolls!” Then glance at those rolls in every reflective surface all day and remind yourself of your goals. When you begin to feel hunger pangs, relish them. Know that they are evidence of your strength and resolve. Find power in the hunger. You are taking control. Later, when the hunger pangs creep back into your mind again, calculate the calories you’ve eaten versus the calories you’ve burned (through activity and basal metabolic rate). This will not only help to distract you, but will help you focus on a new way of thinking. Turn your analytical mind toward the stats and numbers of your weight loss goals.

    All it takes to lose weight is to take in less calories than you burn. So NO SNACKING! Tell yourself it’ll be there later. This is a trick for your mind.

    Here’s the beautiful thing. It takes only 2 weeks to form a habit. So, if you keep this up for that long, you’ll ingrain some less indulgent habits into your routine. When the contest is over, your healthy habits will be formed. I know you can do it! I want you to win this bet! You deserve that bike!

  26. Comment by Theresa | 05.12.2011 | 8:18 am

    I really hope you lose the weight, since I would hate to see you lose that bike! My best weight loss tip is to eat a huge plate of roasted vegetables for dinner (broccoli is my favorite). Roast with garlic, it’s tasty and filling and not many calories. I’m still going to enter, though. :)

  27. Comment by Mark J. | 05.12.2011 | 8:28 am

    It’s all about will power and good decisions Fatty.

    While I would love to have a bike this nice, I could never afford to buy one, and unless you have recently started making a LOT more off this web site than you’re admitting to (or The Runner is a lot less attentive to your finances than my wife is) I doubt you can really afford to give this away, then have to go buy another one. So quit buying licorice and Pringles (I saw the pictures) and eat some fruit and veggies. Lord knows you get enough exercise to burn off the calories so you’re going to have to make better choices about what you’re eating. You know that already but it’s time to get serious.

    And where did you get this target weight of 158? That seems a bit low.

    Good luck man, I’m pulling for you. If I win I will take pictures of the bike sitting in my garage until I have time to build and ride it – that may make you even crazier than pictures of KM licking your frame (funny KM!).

  28. Comment by Susi | 05.12.2011 | 10:52 am

    As much as I would like to win the bike for myself, I am rooting for you to reach your goal. May I suggest following the same principles as http://thefatyogi.com/. Will lost 41 pounds since December 17 by switching to a slow carb diet and yoga. Of course it was Bikram Yoga, but surely you can utilize some of the same principles biking.

    Good Luck!

  29. Comment by Alon | 05.12.2011 | 11:58 am

    Hey Fatty! What is your mailing address? I’d like to send you a couple boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts! Per week!

  30. Comment by Christina | 05.12.2011 | 2:46 pm

    I ride a recumbent and can’t imagine getting on something like this, but it will buy me a lot of non-padded shorts if I win it!

    Good luck :)

  31. Comment by CF | 05.12.2011 | 3:51 pm

    Count your calories, Fatty. Super helpful when trying to lose weight. Then again, reading your blog has made me interested in trying mountain biking, and I could use a bike that is that shiny… (I just recently started road cycling to help me drop weight, never tried MTB) You know what, on second thought, ignore what I said and go have some REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS.

  32. Comment by john | 05.12.2011 | 5:45 pm

    enjoyed reading..

  33. Comment by Dan | 05.12.2011 | 5:47 pm

    I know it’s kinda lame, but Slim Fast does the trick for me when I need to lose 10-15 #’s. It’s pre-planned. No thinking. Well defined and easy to tell if you’re cheating. Do this and keep riding, and you got it!

  34. Comment by Corrine | 05.12.2011 | 8:49 pm

    Okay, I donated. My husband doesn’t think he needs a new mountain bike (he is riding a 15 year old Gary Fischer) but he could impress his Tuesday night bike group friends if he showed up on it! Good luck! But if you don’t lose the weight, pick me!

  35. Comment by Nic Grillo | 05.12.2011 | 9:25 pm

    So I was just looking around over at the Livestrong Davis page, and it looks like Team Fatty is leading the way! Nice job all! See you in Davis!

  36. Comment by Sarge | 05.13.2011 | 7:30 am

    Rather than giving away a $6600 bike, why don’t you just order people once a month to donate for cancer.

    “I, all-powerful and knowing Eldon the Great, hereby command you upon this day to give many shillings to to MY Livestrong Foundation. Do this often and you will be justly rewarded on your last ride.”

    Peon readers (all at once)– “Yes, all mighty Eldon, it will be DONE!”

    Try that, then you still get to keep your bike.

  37. Comment by Andrew | 05.13.2011 | 8:00 am

    I am pretty sure you have an eating disorder.

  38. Comment by Clancy | 05.13.2011 | 8:13 am

    Run, fatty, run!!

    I’ve gained 10 lbs over the last 4 month despite upping all my other exercise and still watching my intake. What I haven’t done is … run. I tweaked my back and did some nerve damage that affected my gait. It’s almost completely recovered, but I have yet to start running again as – like you – I hate it. But it works. Your body is telling you to change things up. The trainer just ain’t getting it done.

    So lace ‘em up and get out there.

    Meanwhile, I’m contributing $25 anyway.. :-)

  39. Comment by Where's the Weight? | 05.13.2011 | 10:26 am

    No weight updates for 2 days? What kind of accountability is that? Run, Fatty, Run!

  40. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Miscellany and Mysterious Clues | 05.13.2011 | 11:59 am

    [...] « Evidently, My Body Wants to Give You My $6600 Superfly 100 [...]

  41. Comment by Sara | 05.13.2011 | 12:16 pm

    Firefly is awesome.

    Keep working on it!

  42. Comment by dude | 05.14.2011 | 7:30 am

    … still hate 29ers.

  43. Comment by Jenn | 05.16.2011 | 12:29 pm

    Yes, conflicted. I want you to reach your goal and ride that awesome AWESOME bike. Then again, *I* would really like to own that awesome, awesome bike.

  44. Comment by David mycycleshop Smith | 05.17.2011 | 5:35 pm

    As a larger gent (6′4″ and 19st) I think that what you are attempting to do is utter madness! anyways GOOD ON YA!Keep it up and watch it fall off.Image1_1297959877.jpg

  45. Comment by David mycycleshop Smith | 05.17.2011 | 5:37 pm

    Yes I know the image is on the large side, but then so am I.

  46. Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Nice Try, MattC | 05.27.2011 | 7:46 am

    [...] as of this morning, anyway — it’s not looking like his little trick is gonna win him my Superfly 100. Why, because with one week before the final weigh in, I’m sub-160 today. 159.6, to be exact [...]


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