THURSDAY UPDATE FROM FATTY: Since I posted this late yesterday, I know a lot of people are just now seeing it. So: it’s totally cool to post your starting weight today (Thursday) as well as tomorrow (Friday), or Saturday. Thanks!
ANOTHER THURSDAY UPDATE FROM FATTY: I need some help with the phpBB forum from someone who is expert at it. Specifically, from someone who knows how to block the spam that’s already raining down on it. Email me if you can help.
A month or so ago, I posted that I need to lose weight. And I hinted that I had a good reason why. And I mentioned something about maybe doing a contest.
Then, at the beginning of this week, I announced that I’m going to get to be on the TV show, Leverage. (By the way, I’ve had several more exciting ideas about my appearance on that show and will post them tomorrow.)
Are you starting to connect the dots?
So here is my nightmare scenario: Everyone I know — family, friends, co-workers, and about 50,000 blog readers all check in as I liveblog the episode of Leverage I’m going to be on. I appear on screen — DVD recording, of course — and . . . I’m at my current weight.
Which appears to be even more than my actual current weight.
Which, just to be clear, is 173 pounds. Yeah, I’ve kinda let myself fatten up over the winter. A little (by which I mean, “a lot”).
Anyway, back to the scenario: Everyone looks at me on TV. Then they look at me in real life. Then they look at me on the screen again. Then someone speaks up.
“Dude. You really are the Fat Cyclist.”
So I need to lose weight. Before the middle of April. Like, ideally, 16 pounds (getting me back to my racing / modeling / TV-appearance weight of 158 pounds.
Plus, I’m running the Boston Marathon in the middle of April. I think it’d be nice if The Hammer didn’t have to wait for more than two hours at the finish line for me.
And in addition to all that, I would really like to start the bike racing season nice and light. Because I have set myself up for the most serious suite of races in my life. It’d be a shame if I sucked at all of them.
It’s time for me to get serious about losing some weight.
And maybe you’d like to lose some at the same time.
Maybe a cool contest would help.
Lose Weight, Fight Cancer, and Win Cool Stuff
So I’m proud to announce a four-week weight loss contest — starting tomorrow, and ending Friday, April 13. A nice, short, intense competition where you’ll do some good in the fight against cancer, you’ll motivate me to get to race weight by the time I’m on Leverage (and, the following weekend, racing the Boston Marathon), and — possibly — winning some cool stuff.
There will be prizes awarded every week, as well as a pretty awesome prize at the end.
And if you do better than I do, percentage-wise, I’m going to give you something pretty cool.
Of course, if I beat you, you’re going to have to give me a prize (don’t worry, I don’t think you’ll begrudge me it).
What Are The Prizes?
Well, the grand prize — the prize going to the person who loses the greatest percentage of their body weight by the end of the contest — is pretty awesome: an autographed copy of my book, Comedian Mastermind.
But not just autographed by me. Noooooo. It’s autographed by every single person on Team RadioShack Nissan Trek. Check it out:
I am pretty sure that there are not many objects in the world that are like this. And if you want, I’ll sign it too (also, if you want, I won’t sign it — your call).
Oh, and speaking of rare, signed objects, I’ve also got an alternate grand prize lined up. It’s something owned, worn, and signed by Lance Armstrong. No, not a yellow jersey. Those things are almost too common:
So no. Not a yellow jersey. A pair of running shoes. Specifically, a pair of running shoes Lance wore ’til they were worn out. Then he signed them. Or will sign them. Since I just asked him to do this last night, I doubt he’s signed them yet.
Regardless, I’m pretty sure there are not many of those floating around on eBay.
[Side Note: Believe me, it was not an easy thing for me to approach Lance Armstrong and say, "Hey, Lance? Can I have a pair of your worn out running shoes, autographed?"
To which he replied (and I quote), "Uh…ok. You bet. When?"
Which is a pretty remarkable thing, really, when you consider that the vast number of replies he could have made. ]
But that’s not all.
There will also be other prizes given away to winners and other notable performers each week. For example, each week, I’m going to give away a box of Honey Stinger Waffles or Honey Stinger Energy Chews to the person who did the best that week.
You’ve heard of these, right? You know, only the best-tasting energy food that’s ever been made? So good, in fact, that I am at this very moment resisting the urge to climb two flights of stairs (my office is in the basement, my Honey Stinger stash is in my second-floor bedroom) and dig into them for some recreational snacking?
Yeah. Those Honey Stingers.
But that’s not all. Either.
Each week, to some random participant who has lost at least some weight that week, I will give a $36 gift certificate to Twin Six, which is plenty of money to get you a t-shirt, not to mention shipping. Or it’s enough to make a jersey a ridiculously good price. Or it’s enough to get you three pair of the same kind of socks, so when you lose one sock, you don’t have to throw the other one away; just keep it ’til you lose the next one, and you’re back to a good place again.
And there will be other prizes. But I’m not going to tell you what those prizes are.
Not yet, anyway. Because frankly I haven’t contacted everyone I need to to get the other prizes in place. Because I’m lazier than the average blogger, that’s why.
But I will tell you that anything I give away is worth having. Really worth having.
But prizes don’t go only to the absolute winners in this contest. Nosirree. They also go to anyone who manages to beat me.
Namely, if you beat me (meaning if you lose a greater percentage of your weight than I do by April 13) — I’ll comp your entry into the 2012 100 Miles of Nowhere.
That’s a $95.00 value, folks.
But if I beat you, you have to donate another $25 to my LiveStrong page.
Sounds like an intriguing competition, doesn’t it? Darn right it does.
Here’s how it works.
Step 1. Pay Your Dues
The first thing you’ve got to do with this contest is show you’re serious about it. You’ve got to pay an “entry fee,” of sorts.
In this case, the entry fee is you need to make a $25.00 donation at my LiveStrong Boston Marathon Challenge page. That’s your way of saying, “I’m not just idly entering this. I’m giving something up to do this. And also, I’m helping LiveStrong help people fight cancer.”
Step 2. Weigh Yourself
Weigh yourself tomorrow morning. And when you do it, do it honest. Don’t load up on water or anything to set yourself up with a padded start weight. I’m not. Let’s all play this honestly.
Step 3. Create a Topic For Yourself in the Forum
I just launched a bare-bones forum at forum.fatcyclist.com. You need to register for it, then create a topic for you and your weight loss progress. Here’s how:
- Go to the Forum Registration Page and agree to the terms. (I have never read the terms, and suggest you don’t read them either). Fill in the registration stuff and get yourself all properly registered and everything.
- Go to the Weight Loss Pages in the Forum and click the New Topic button.
- For the subject, enter your user handle or name. Whichever you’re going to use. But if you use a user handle instead of a name, send me an email with your name AND user handle, so I’ll be able to verify that you paid your registration dues.
- In the message, enter your starting weight. And anything else you’d like to.
- Go back to the Weight Loss Pages in the forum and check out what other people have set for their starting weights. Maybe reply to some of them. Encourage folks. Be nice. Let’s be cool and helpful and friendly and stuff, OK?
And that’s all you’ve got to do for now. If you’d like to enter interim weights, during the upcoming week, you can reply in your own topic with new weights. Or you can be all mysterious and not say anything ’til next week.
And it’ll go on like that for a month.
Step 5. Start Losing Weight
OK, now for the
fun hard part: losing weight. I’m planning to be incredibly dedicated, and will post my weight every day. I’ll also be checking others’ threads and posting encouragement. Because I would love to see as many people as possible do great at this.
Step 6. Keep Losing Weight
I’ll be posting directions on how to do the math for your percentages lost, and when to post updates. Specifically, Wednesday next week I’ll go into what you need to do to enter your first weekly weigh-in, and by Thursday next week you need to have posted the results of your weigh-in.
This contest is going to be fun. And there’s going to be great stuff for you to win. And it should give you (and me!) a great reason to get started on getting rid of those Winter pounds.
So: ante up now. And then sign up. And good luck!
PS: Is there anyone out there who would like to be my helper / tracker on this game? Because I think I’m going to need some help. Email me if you’re willing to put some time in doing math and entering numbers. Thanks!
PS: I’ve got a math helper volunteer now. Thanks, David!