01.23.2013 | 1:54 pm
My 11-year-old twins have a great idea for their science project, but they need some Guinea pigs to help. If you’re a twin or if you have twins (at least 10 years old, please), I’m hoping you’ll take a little time to help out.
What They’re Doing
My girls (who are identical twins) are interested in finding out how similar twin’s abilities are, compared with fraternal twins (of the same gender). They also want to know whether twins stay about the same as they get older or whether they become more different as they have their own experiences.
I think it’s a terrific idea — certainly more ambitious than finding out what happens when you mix baking soda and vinegar (although I personally never ever ever get tired of that reaction).
How You Can Help
My twins need other pairs of twins to answer some questions and test themselves doing some tasks — some math, a maze, and some pushups. They need as many twins as possible to participate so they have lots of good data.
There are a couple of restrictions, though:
- Age: The twins must be at least 10 years old. And any twins under 18 who participate must have permission from their parent or legal guardian.
- No mixed-fraternal twins: The experiment will include both identical twins and fraternal twins where both are the same gender, but not boy-girl fraternal twins, because the experiment would be just as likely to test the differences between boys and girls as it would be the differences between twins.
What You Need To Do
If you’re a twin of the kind described above, please click here to download the experiment test packet my girls have prepared and take the test You’ll need to print out the packet (a PDF file) once for each twin. After you and your twin have taken the tests, go to the online survey I’ve helped my twins set up (this is honestly the only part of the experiment I’ve done significant work on) and enter your results. Make sure your twin does the same thing so my girls have both your results.
If you’re not a twin, you probably know some that are! In that case, why don’t you tell them to come over here and participate in this experiment. My girls need all the data they can get!
The tests will be fun and won’t take you very long. And once they’ve finished their project, they’ll post what they’ve learned here.
Thank you!
Comments (43)
01.18.2013 | 11:54 am
8:05: Thanks everyone for reading and commenting along. Have a great weekend.
I am now going to go eat everything in the world I can find.
7:59: For some reason, I’m finding it easy to be snarkier tonight than last night. Maybe that’s not cool. OK, it’s for sure not cool. I — and a lot of people — need to remember that even if he’s not telling all the truth, he’s at least telling some truth.
And that’s something.
7:54: A commenter just asked whether I posted on the VeloNews live blog. No, I didn’t. I’m busy typing here. What did the person impersonating me say, though?
7:52: Lance just used “apoplectic” in a sentence. Nobody can ever take that away from him.
7:50: He’s talking about his mom. My wind is wandering. I snapped back to attention to wonder, “Really, she didn’t know? His mom didn’t know?” Because if not, she wasn’t paying attention.
Or she knew and he didn’t know she knew. That’s my guess.
7:47: Did you try to pay off USADA?
A: No. That’s just not true.
Personal note: I don’t care very much about these nitty-gritty things. There’s so much he has done that specific small things he has or has not done don’t really factor in. He’s admitted so much that most people’s impression is — and I include myself — he did everything he was accused of.
7:44: Talk around the couch is about the 2 emotional points of this interview so far: talking about his kids, and talking about his foundation.
I’m happy to point out that he shows real emotion when talking about the really good things he’s made in his life.
7:43: Oprah asks why he’s doing this interview, Lance says it’s for the well being of his kids. Oprah and I share a baffled look.
7:36: Talking about his oldest son, “What you’re saying about my dad isn’t true.” And he starts crying. “He never said, ‘Dad, is this true?’ and he trusted me. And I heard about it in the hallways….”
O: what did you say to him?
A: At the time I didn’t say anything, but I knew I had to say something to him. And I had to have the talk with him, over the holidays. I said, listen, I’ve always denied that, but I want you to know that it’s true.
A: I also told my 11-yr old twins. And they didn’t say much, they just accepted it.
Personal note: I get a sick feeling even thinking about having to convey a message of such incredibly deep deception to my children.
A: I told my son, “Don’t defend me anymore. Just don’t.” He’s been remarkably calm about this. Just say, ‘hey, my dad says he’s sorry.’ He said, “OK. I love you, you’re my dad, this won’t change that.”
O: Did you expect defiance, anger, disappointment?
A: Thank God he’s more like Kristin than like me.
The cancer dr beside me said, “Maybe Lance should have sued him.”
7:35: Some demographic stuff I’m wondering about. I wonder how many people who watched the first half of the interview are watching the second half?
Also, I wonder about how many non-cyclists are sticking around for the whole 3 hours of this?
7:31: The reason he didn’t dope when he came back to racing is because Kristin – his X – made him promise not to.
K, I’m the most believing person in the world, but that makes no sense at all to me. He doped even when they were married. Why would he care what his X requested and start heeding her advice now?
7:29: Does anyone know the whole truth?
A: Yeah. And then a weird laugh, and no elaboration.
I’m going to be honest here folks, I’m feeling like the real meat of this interview is behind us.
7:27: Were there people who knew who wanted you to quit?
A: Yes
O: Could they have gotten you to stop?
A: Probably not. But if there was one name, I would say Kristin. She’s a smart, spiritual lady who believes in truth.
7:26: A commenter is worried about the fact that I’m sitting by a cancer doctor. The cancer doctor is Heather, Kenny’s girlfriend. She’s very handy to have around during this.
7:22: Remorse
A: Do I have it? Absolutely. Will it grow? Absolutely.
I think
7:21: How has this changed how you see yourself? “It hasn’t, entirely.” So that’s honest, it seems like.
7:18: Do I want to compete again? Hell yes. I’m a competitor. I don’t think anyone will say that this is not a perfectly honest moment.
“But this isn’t the reason I’m doing this.” Ugh, not everyone’s going to believe that.
“I got a death penalty, everyone else got six months.” He doesn’t feel like this is fair. Weird that someone who has cheated his whole life is now interested in fairness.
7:16: Who he owes apologies to: Frankie, Betsy, Lemond, more. Even Walsh, though he says it (IMHO less than convincingly).
He says he’d like to tell lots of people he’s sorry. And he’s going on an apology tour.
7:14: Did doping cause his cancer? No, I don’t think so, says Lance. The cancer Dr sitting next to me says she’s not aware of a causal effect. She says testosterone is linked to prostate cancer, though. So don’t go thinking you’re out of the woods if you dope, cancer-wise. You just might get a different kind of cancer.
7:10: I wonder what the “moments” from tonight will be. Last night’s were the first couple minutes, the fat joke (I personally think “Fat” is a fine first name, BTW), and the “Oh, I dunno, we sue a lot of people.”
I worry that tonight’s going to get ickily personal. Am I the only one?
7:07: Lance says that of everything, losing his connection is the hardest. And it seems like this is genuine emotion.
I absolutely positively believe this part. I have talked with Lance about a number of things, but his intensity and his “realness” seem much at their strongest when he’s talking about LiveStrong. Whether he’s there or not, I guarantee that he thinks of it as his.
7:03: Lance talking about all of the sponsors leaving him. “The one thing I didn’t think would leave would be the foundation.”
The cancer Doctor I’m sitting by says that it’s silly to say that his chances were less than 50%. She says his chances were way better.
For me, it seems like the very most obvious thing that he’d leave the foundation. I can’t imagine trying to fundraise for LiveStrong right now with him there. Meaning I can’t imagine anyone donating stuff for me to give away, and I can’t imagine anyone donating.
7:02: Lance feels disgraced, humbled, ashamed.
Me: How about humiliated? Trapped?
7:01: The announcer’s voice is ssscaarrrrry.
6:59: Welcome to the LiveBlog. I can’t believe I arrived on time. Only just.
I finished last night’s live blog of the Oprah / Armstrong interview by saying this:
I didn’t do a lot of actual commenting — more just writing what I heard. So I will have to think about whether there’s any point in my doing this again tomorrow night. My current thinking is “no.”
But you know what? I’m going to get back on that horse. Or, for those of you who aren’t good at metaphor, I’m going to live blog the second half of the interview. But I’m going to try to balance writing about what is said with what I’m thinking, on the rare occasion I have a thought to share.
Join me, if you care to. I’ll be traveling and might be a little bit late, or a lot late, so if I am, um, sorry? I guess?
Here’s info, which I have carefully copied and pasted from yesterday’s post, on the where and when:
When is it? 9:00pm ET / 7:00pm MT tonight. Also at 9:00pm PT, although I personally will not make the time-shift. I have not yet mastered time.
What channel will the interview be on? It will be on the OWN network. You can find whether you have OWN and where it is on your service provider by clicking here.
What if I don’t get the OWN network? It will also be streamed online from oprah.com.
Where will the live-blog be happening? Right here. You’ll just have to refresh your browser every couple of minutes, because I don’t know how to make it auto-refresh.
Comments (97)
01.17.2013 | 1:28 pm
8:33: Thanks for reading and for commenting, those of you who did. I didn’t do a lot of actual commenting — more just writing what I heard. So I will have to think about whether there’s any point in my doing this again tomorrow night. My current thinking is “no.”
8:31: One last thing before I sign off. Armstrong mentions disrespecting the color yellow. I think that’s right. I think LiveStrong needs a new color. I think orange might be a good choice.
8:29: A little about George Hincapie, “I don’t fault George Hincapie.” Personal note: I think Hincapie has magically got away with every little thing, to a degree nobody else has.
8:28: Will you go back to USADA?
If I had credibility, if I could go to a truth and reconciliation commission, I’d be first in the door.
Personal note: There’s no possible way he’d be invited to something like that, right?
8:22: Armstrong saying that in hindsight he wishes he could go back in time and cooperate with USADA. This was the most emotional I’ve heard him sound so far, and I believe that he has thought that dozens of times. Things would still be ugly for him, but nowhere near as.
Kinda get the impression that he’s thinking about the fallout of this and how it affects him, above all else.
8:21: Zeeeter comments, “What’s your opinion on Johan now Fatty? You spent quite a lot of time with him . . . Hard to disentangle him from this.”
I need to write a post on that question. Short answer is that it’s not hard to disentangle him from it; it’s impossible.
8:17: A little bit about the federal investigation. A personal note. When the case was dropped, I texted Lance, saying “Congratulations on one less distraction.” I had forgotten about that. Holy crap I feel such a fool.
Anyway, he says he didn’t influence the case. Do I believe that? I guess? He says he at least felt like he was out of the woods “and those were some serious wolves.”
8:15: Do you regret coming back?
I do. We wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t. Which is telling. It makes me think that there’s a whole lot of him who would be really glad if none of this had ever happened.
8:12: Now Floyd. Armstrong agrees that was the case, but says it goes back further. Armstrong’s comeback didn’t sit well with Floyd.
O: Where were you when Floyd said he was going to talk?
A: In the ToC.
On a personal note, I was at the ToC that year and remember seeing Floyd, standing in the sidewalk. Alone, and looking it. That sucks.
8:10: Kate in comments says, “Emma “got run over”? “got bullied”? I’m glad Lance is taking tips from the news reporting of cyclists being assaulted by drivers by using the passive voice. HE ran her over, HE bullied her.” I observed the passive voice too. I am tempted to do the same thing sometimes in my writing when I’m embarrassed and wish I could make it be someone else who did it.
8:05: On to Betsy Andreu. Armstrong and Andreu had a call. He wants to keep it private. He says he didn’t call her fat.
O: How do you feel about calling Emma a whore?
A: Not good. I was on the attack.
8:01: So. He has admitted a lot. He’s also denied a few things. I’m certain that a lot of people are rolling their eyes whenever he speaks counter to anyone else. I find myself conflicted. Why bother lying about anything at all now? Reflex? A hidden agenda?
How horrible would it be to never be believed by anyone, ever again? Sounds like the elevator pitch to Liar Liar 2: This Time It’s Lance Armstrong.
On a personal note, I am really hating the commercials here. Are these third-tier commercials the only companies this interview on this network could draw?
7:58: On to the cortisone Rx, retroactively given. Emma O’Reilly: “That is true. She’s one of the people I have to apologize to. She got run over, got bullied.”
You sued her.
A: I’m sure we did. But I’ve reached out to her and tried to make amends on my own.
O: When everyone was saying things, you would attack/sue people, you knew were telling the truth.
A: It’s a major flaw, a guy who wanted to get what he wanted, control every outcome. It’s inexcusable. Some will never forgive me, and I understand that.
One of the steps in the process is for me to say I’m sorry. You’re right, I was wrong.
7:56: Armstrong denies a positive test, paying off the lab, or the UCI making a positive go away. Calls his donation a coincidence.
Why did he make the donation? “Because they asked me to.”
He acknowledges that nobody probably believes him, but “I have every incentive to say it’s true, but it’s not.”
O: So you didn’t aid or ask them to overlook your tests?
A: No.
7:54: ChrisA notes in the comments, “He’s getting less credible by the minute, if that is possible. He didn’t know how big his cult was?” That’s exactly right. Chris also notes he should get his own blog. I’m surprised he doesn’t already have one.
7:50: I note that people are saying that he seems cold and calculating. I think that this is who he is. I mentioned somewhere recently that as you get older your personality hardens. You can change, but it’s not easy, and it’s not likely.
Lance has spent most of his adult life weighing and measuring everything he says, keeping reality in his head and conveying a fiction to everyone else.
It’s hard to even imagine that he at this point would be capable of turning off that filter and communicating in a non-calculated way.
7:44: The “sorry you don’t believe in miracles,” speech. His reaction, “that sounds ridiculous.” “I’m definitely embarrassed. You can leave with better than that, Lance. That was lame.”
There was happiness in the process and preparation, the build. That resonates as true. He’s a very process-oriented person.
O: Did it feel wrong?
A: No.
O: Did you feel bad?
A: No. That’s even scarier. And didn’t feel like I was cheating. That’s the scariest.
I looked up the definition of cheat and it’s to gain an advantage of a rival or foe. I viewed it as a level playing field.
Hindsight is perfect. I didn’t know what I had. Look at the fallout.
O: What do you mean you didn’t know?
A: I didn’t understand the magnitude of the following?
O: How couldn’t you?
A: I just didn’t. I’m just beginning to understand. I see the anger and feelings of betrayal. People who believed me. They have every right to feel betrayed, and they have the right. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to apologize.
(I’m sure everyone is having a “I’ll spend the rest of my life hunting the real killer” moment)
7:40: One thing that has rung true for me is the way his battle against cancer could affect him. Whenever I heard the “Why would he dope? He’s been through cancer and wouldn’t invite it back by taking drugs” I always thought that’s the POV of someone who hasn’t lived the deeply medical world of cancer. You get so you trust and have faith in drugs, and you have to bring a “let’s break the rules if we have to, take experimental drugs, whatever” attitude to cancer.
Since Susan’s fight against cancer I know I’m certainly less drug-averse.
7:39: I look at myself and say “Look at that arrogant prick.” The Hammer is not amused.
7:32: Disputes that he pressured others into doping. When asked specifically about Ferrari, he hesitates. “Some people in this story are good people. Not toxic, not monsters. I view Ferrari as a good man, a smart man. I still do.”
It sounds like Armstrong’s no-holds-barred thing only applies to himself. He’s still protecting others. This doesn’t feel like loyalty; this feels like a calculus.
Would this be your same response today? No. Most things would be different today.
Was he the mastermind? No.
What was he then? I’m not comfortable talking about other people. But it’s all out there.
Walsh’s association with Ferrari implicated you. Was it reckless to be associated with him? Yes, but there were plenty of other reckless things. Reckless would be a good way to characterize that period in my life.
So what was going on with you? Fame intensifies both.
I’m both a jerk and a humanitarian. The magnifying glass shows more of the jerk right now and I’m paying the price for this. And I’m OK with that. I deserve it.
What were your flaws that made you willing to risk it all?
A ruthless desire to win at all costs.
7:29: The Hammer’s asking what I think of this. My main thought is I don’t like having suspicion and doubt overshadow everything someone says.
7:28: I realize that I’m basically just transcribing the conversation here. My original plan was to comment. But you know, I’m mostly just soaking this in.
7:25: Were you a bully?
Yeah, I was a bully. In the sense that I tried to control the narrative. If I didn’t like it for whatever reason, I would say “that’s a lie, they’re liars.”
Have you done that your whole life?
“My entire life. We had our backs against the wall. My mom was a fighter.”
Before my diagnosis I was a competitor, but I wasn’t a fighter. In treatment I said I would do anything I need to survive. I took that relentlessness into cycling.
But you were already doping?
Yeah, but I wasn’t a bully then.
So what made you a bully?
Trying to hide the truth. This (starting this interview) is only the second time I couldn’t control the outcome.
7:21: Were you the one in charge? Could you get someone fired?
It depends on what they were doing. Did I get people fired? No. There was no directive.
“It’s not true” that Christian was told he had to dope or be kicked off.
O: could the level of expectation be that if you don’t do it that you could be off the team?
Armstrong: “If you’re doping and leading by example, that would be a problem.”
O: Splitting hairs?
A: There was no verbal directive. But as the guy who led the team, I accept that 100%.
Acknowledges that he isn’t the most believable person in the world right now.
7:19: It’s interesting that everyone in the world — from the racers in the USADA affidavits to Armstrong — all claim to have been clean since 2006-6. Ws it really better testing? Or is that the agreed-upon “I saw the light” moment?
7:17: Armstrong contends that he did not dope after his comeback. Like everyone else, I’m sure, I see no particular reason to trust that this is true.
7:15: I’m sure there are bike geeks in the world shouting at the screen right now, but I’m not one of them. For most people in the world, this is clear, compelling and thorough.
7:10: A little from Hamilton on how they did it. Oprah asks Lance how they did it. “You said it was smart but not most sophisticated.”
Motoman – yes, that was true.
Did you stop in the middle of the tour at a hotel and dope? Yes
It sounds like TH was telling the truth.
“How did it all work?”
“I viewed it as simple. We had O2-boosting drugs beneficial for sports, and that’s all you needed. My cocktail was only EPO, blood transfusions, and testosterone.”
He justified the testosterone to himself because of having one testicle. But knew the justification was bogus.
It wasn’t difficult to beat the tests. And out-of-competition testing was only theoretical. “You’re not going to get caught, because you’re clean — clear — at the races.” It’s a matter of scheduling.
The shift to out of competition testing and the biological passport changed all that.
7:07: Oprah references Tygert’s assertion about it being the most professional doping program ever.
Lance contends it was no bigger than others, and that they didn’t have anything for example East Germany didn’t have.
He doesn’t want to blame anyone but himself.
He’s splitting hairs on whether anyone wasn’t doping.
The Hammer is shouting at him.
“I’m out of the biz of calling people liars.”
7:05: Why? Lance says it’s a good question, and that he understands it’s too late.
“This story was so perfect for so long.” Talking about the “mythic, perfect story” that wasn’t true at many levels. “I’m a flawed person” but he helped paint that picture.
Says a lot of people contributed, but all the “fault and blame lays on me.”
“I lost myself in all that” — the media and fame. Says “I controlled every outcome in my life,” especially sport.
“The story is so bad and toxic and a lot of it’s true.”
“I didn’t invent but I didn’t try to stop the culture. The sport is now paying the price for that. I didn’t have access to anything nobody else had.”
7:03: Wow, started with a bang. I like the directness of Oprah.
7:01: Oprah’s starting with the statement that she can ask anything she wants. Starting with yes or no.
Did you dope? Yes
EPO? Yes
Blood dope? Yes
Testosterone, HGH? Yes
In all 7? Yes
Humanly possible to win 7x in a row without doping? No
7:00: Here we go. I bet the first 10 minutes is just history. Recap for most of us, news to most of the people watching this.
6:58: I wonder if Lance considered the context of the network where this interview occurs. Tawdry. Sappy.
6:55: I have no idea what this liveblog is going to be like. I kinda suspect that while I’d like it to be kind of light and funny, the show itself is going to be horrifying enough that I’ll be stunned into the textual equivalent of silence. In which case, I’m sure folks on Twitter will have something to say.
6:53: Wow, is this Where Are They Now? show pretty much what you usually find on this network? Cuz it’s a terrible program.
6:50: Hi there. 10 minutes ’til this starts. I’ll be posting newest stuff up top. And you’ll have to refresh the browser yourself to see the latest stuff. I won’t be posting more often than every two minutes or so, so don’t bother refreshing more often than that.
I’ll check the comments once in a while, but between listening, typing and reading comments, I may hit multitasking overload. So if I don’t reply to you, it’s not you. It’s me.
I’ll be live-blogging the Oprah / Armstrong interview tonight. You should join and comment along.
Here’s some handy information so you won’t accidentally forget and then feel all sad. (It’s much better to go ahead and watch and feel all sad instead.)
When is it? 9:00pm ET / 7:00pm MT tonight. Also at 9:00pm PT.
What channel will the interview be on? It will be on the OWN network. You can find whether you have OWN and where it is on your service provider by clicking here.
What if I don’t get the OWN network? It will also be streamed online from oprah.com.
Where will the live-blog be happening? Right here. You’ll just have to refresh your browser every couple of minutes, because I don’t know how to make it auto-refresh.
Honestly, I don’t know whether the live-blog of this will turn out serious, silly, outraged, or what. We’ll find out soonish.
PS: I am not sure whether I’ll be live-blogging part 2 of this interview; I’ll be doing some traveling tomorrow afternoon and don’t know whether I’ll have arrived and set up by 7pm, nor do I know whether the Internet connection I’ll have there will be good enough to stream the show (I do know that the people I’m staying with don’t have the OWN network).
Comments (102)
01.16.2013 | 3:13 pm
There’s a lot being said about Lance Armstrong right now. About his upcoming confession. About how he cheated, who he cheated, and why he cheated. There’s a lot of talk about his apology to the staff of LiveStrong, and whether the LiveStrong faithful will remain . . . faithful. A lot of people are interviewing and being interviewed.
But you know what? I’m interested in hearing about the people who are – or were – the LiveStrong faithful. I’m interested in hearing what the people who he directly lied to think. I’m interested in knowing how the folks who had Lance’s back feel right about now.
Oh wait. That’s me.
You know what? Someone should ask me some questions.
What, no takers? Fine, I’ll do it myself.
Deep Navel-Gazing
I know, I know. Interviewing yourself is about as ridiculous as interviewing an empty chair. And presuming anyone is interested in what I think and feel about this whole thing is about as self-absorbed as a person can get.
But then again, what is a blog if not a public proclamation of self-absorption?
And to be honest, it’s helpful for me to get my thoughts down. It makes my reasonable beliefs more clear, and it helps me recognize my stupid beliefs as such.
So let’s get started. Q&A with me.
How do you know Lance?
My first real interaction with Lance was before I ever became known as someone with a gift for fundraising — back when Susan was really sick — took the time to send over a picture of him holding up a “WIN Susan” sign and tweet encouraging remarks our way.
When Susan passed away, Lance tweeted a touching message my way.
Gestures like that meant a lot to me, and they still do.
With everything being said about Lance right now, it seems to be forgotten that whatever else he has done, he cares deeply about the fight against cancer, and has taken a lot of his time to support individual people during their fights.
So maybe it’s not such a bad idea to bear in mind that he is not a pure villain. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea to bear in mind that he can be incredibly thoughtful toward someone he doesn’t know at all.
Apart from those interactions, up until about a year ago, my interaction with Lance were pretty much the interactions any person who raises a lot of money for LiveStrong has: meet him at fundraisers, get my photo taken with him. That kind of thing.
OK, so that’s up until a year ago. What happened then?
I was in one of my blog blackout weeks, working on my day job offsite, in a conference room. I wasn’t following the news or anything else, really. No time for it.
Then I got an email — my first — from Lance. He was wondering what I thought about Bill Gifford’s article in Outside. At that point, I hadn’t read it, so replied that I’d read it and get back to him.
That night, in my hotel, I read Gifford’s piece, then wrote my reaction to it. (I just went back and read it, and am happy to say that I stand by it.) I emailed Lance back and told him he could check out my post. He replied and thanked me.
Was that manipulation? I think it was, albeit of a very mild sort. At the time, though, it just seemed really cool that he thought enough of my opinion to even want me to have his back.
And did you stay in touch?
We did. I actually became a bit of a pest. For example:
When I asked him to give me a pair of his old running shoes as a semi-joke incentive for a fundraiser for LiveStrong, he obliged (and even made a video of him sending it).
When I published my “Best of” book, I asked him to tweet a link to it; he obliged.
When I saw on Facebook that what Jenni Laurita really wanted for her birthday was a tweet from Lance, I asked him if he would; he obliged.
When I was upset by the way the Susan Komen foundation scrubbed funding for breast cancer screenings at Planned Parenthood, I emailed him and Doug Ulman saying I wanted to do something about it; he wrote back right away, saying he agreed and that they were already on the case.
So it sounds like your own experiences with Lance were overwhelmingly positive?
Almost all of them were. But not all.
When he found out I was going on TourChats to promote my book, Lance actually called me and told me I should prepare to be attacked by the Neil Browne and some of the people who watch Tourchats (Lance was correct about some of the people, but completely incorrect about Neil, who was gracious while we talked and with whom I’ve since become good friends).
Lance sounded angry. He went on for about ten minutes, on a roll, getting more and more pissed off. I don’t get angry like that — honestly, I can’t remember ever just flying into a tirade of the intensity and scope he was on — and I just wanted to get off the phone.
At some point during this call, the talk turned to accusations of doping. I asked, “Is there anything to be worried about?” It was as close to coming straight out and asking him as I dared to be.
“There’s nothing there. Nothing at all,” he said.
This made a little red flag go up in my mind, because by this time there was enough evidence that he had doped that I had a hard time believing he could have been clean. So I had to resolve my personal “innocent until proven guilty” philosophy against my belief that he had doped, mixed in with his assertion, made personally to me, that he was clean.
I decided that I’d hold true to my philosophy. I wouldn’t jump on the bandwagon of condemnation. Further, I would provide contrast to all the claims of what a mean, vindictive person he is.
But at the same time, I decided I wouldn’t — couldn’t — assert that he’s clean.
My compromise position was that I’d leave doping out of my blog more or less altogether.
Which I wasn’t altogether happy about, because I would sometimes have a funny thought about doping, then have to abandon it.
When’s the last time you communicated with him?
Back in August, while I was racing the Breck Epic. I texted him, saying I was about tot start my fifth straight day of racing and was completely wiped. I said I never understood before how hard it is to race day after day. I told him he should come race the Breck Epic in 2013. He asked when it is.
We haven’t been in touch since then. And to be honest, since the USADA reasoned decision came out (here’s my post from that day), I haven’t been all that excited to communicate with him.
Why not?
Because I feel stupid. I feel like I’m easily played. I’m the guy who believed Tyler and went on and on about it.
I’m the guy who believed Floyd and went on and on about it.
And now I’m the guy who thought he’d learned his lesson and so — rather than come out and say something I suspected but didn’t know for sure about Lance doping — just talked about Lance and LiveStrong.
But that’s a nuanced position, and it was misinterpreted to mean that I believed everything Lance said. And nuance on Armstrong doesn’t exactly register with the scorched-earth crowd.
And they have a point. Clearly, I defended Armstrong. And the good will I created contributed to his camouflage for his cheating, lying, and intimidation.
I feel sick about that. And used. At the same time, though, I don’t want to become one of the cynical people — the people who sneer at and suspect everyone.
I’ll try to be wiser. But I’m not going to try to change my fundamental nature.
Do you feel like Lance owes you an apology?
I don’t even know how he could phrase it, if he does. “I’m sorry I was kind to you and your dying wife, then leveraged your gratitude and trust into a smokescreen for my cheating and lying.”
It sounds calculating to the point of being ridiculous.
I don’t want an apology, and I’d feel weird getting one.
Do you feel like you owe your readers an apology?
I do.
Readers, I’m sorry I was one-sided about Lance. My inclination is to talk publicly about the good people do, and to keep my reservations about people to myself. That was a disservice to you.
So where do you stand regarding LiveStrong?
I still support them, and plan to continue fundraising for them. I haven’t come to this decision lightly, either. I know that the image of LiveStrong has been tarnished by Lance’s cheating, and in a lot of people’s minds, they’re one and the same. So I know it will be harder to fundraise for LiveStrong, at least for a while.
I’ve considered whether, for the amount of time and energy I have, LiveStrong is one of the places on which I should focus.
But the fact remains that while I’ve had a few nice Lance-related LiveStrong experiences, the people who really made me a believer in this foundation are the staff of the organization. They’re the people who helped me when I needed it. They’re the people who have helped numerous people I’ve referred to them. They’re the people I’m thinking about when, whenever I get email from someone who has cancer, I strongly recommend contacting LiveStrong immediately.
But will you continue wearing your yellow LiveStrong bracelet?
I’ve never worn those. I like orange.
So what would you like to see happen next?
I’d like to see this burn as hot as it needs to, for as long as it needs to. And then, once it’s done, I’m looking forward to seeing what rises from the ashes.
I’m looking forward to writing about riding my bike and joking about bikes and riders and riding.
I’m looking forward to the future, and hopeful that those who need to — me, for example — will remember this as an important cautionary tale.
PS: If you would like to ask me questions in the comments, I’ll do my best to answer, as long as you are civil. Non-civil questions will be deleted without comment.
Comments (173)
01.9.2013 | 8:15 am
A Note from Fatty: Thank you to everyone who expressed their support and point of view regarding the future of this blog. A couple weeks of rest from writing has done me a lot of good and I am excited to be posting again.
So this blog’s not going away. In fact, I currently have nine items in my “things to write about” list, which is more than I usually have on tap.
While I was on break, though, I did have a couple of ideas I like about things I could do with this blog, and I’ve started work on them. Once I can tell that they’re going to amount to something, I’ll tell you more. Meanwhile, it’s been a while since I’ve just written for the fun of writing, so I’m pretty excited to post whatever pops into my head.
Also, I am working on a very exciting new project to help in the fight against cancer. I think you’ll be as surprised and excited by what it is as I am. I hope to be able to reveal what it is within the next couple weeks.
Back to My Roots
I started this blog as a way to document my efforts at dropping a bunch of weight. Along the way it’s become about many more things . . . especially as I got my weight to the point where it ought to be.
I mean, in 2011, I did the Leadville 100 in 8:18 — a time I could only accomplish when light and fast.
And in 2012, I did the Leadville 100 in 8:49, winning the singlespeed division. I wasn’t as light, but I was still plenty light.
And then after Leadville, I just kept on doing race after race after race. I was racing and riding so much that I didn’t feel like I needed to worry about what I ate. So I didn’t. And since I kept doing pretty well, results-wise, in those races, I kept on eating as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted.
The season tapered off. But I didn’t taper off my eating.
In October, I noticed that my size Medium jerseys were no longer comfortable. So I shelved them and began wearing size Large. Same thing for t-shirts.
In November, I noticed that size Large jerseys were no longer comfortable, but I don’t have any XL jerseys, so I kept wearing Large.
And every day, as I put my jeans on, I had started doing special exercises — squats and stretches — to stretch my pants’ waist out enough that my circulation wasn’t cut off.
I did not check my scale to see how bad the damage was. But I could tell it was bad.
I found I was no longer comfortable sitting cross-legged on the floor, because my gut pushed into my lungs. And bending over to tie my shoes caused me to get woozy.
I began walking stairs, rather than running them — as had previously been my custom.
Then I began using the rail to give me an assist.
No, I am not kidding. Also, I continued to not check the scale. Partially because I know my own body well enough that I could make a pretty accurate guess as to my weight.
But also partially because I knew that once I saw the number, I would have to do something about it.
The Hammer — who raced like I did and eats like I do — encouraged me to continue to not look at the scale. “Once you do that, you’re going to have to start trying to lose weight, and starting a weight loss program right before Thanksgiving just won’t work,” she said, correctly.
“Wait ’til New Year’s Day, after all the holidays are past us. Then we’ll get back to the diet.”
“OK,” I said, relieved, and dished myself up another serving of mashed potatoes.
Things got really bad after Christmas. I knew I had one week ’til all the candy I had been gifted would be off-limits, so I made a point of eating all of it during that one week.
Boxes and boxes of candy. Really.
On New Year’s Eve, The Hammer made taco soup. I added many spoonsful of sour cream, fistfuls of cheese and crushed chips galore. Knowing this was my last hurrah.
Except of course for the homemade donuts we made later that night. I, in spite of still being uncomfortably full, ate two. I think I was proving a point, which was that I can eat more than anyone thinks I can.
As if that point continues to need to be proven. As if, further, there were any doubt regarding that point.
Finally, though, it was New Year’s Day. I told The Hammer, “I’m pretty sure my weight is 184,” as I mechanically walked to the scale and — for the first time in half a year — stepped on.
183.0.
A maelstrom of thoughts barraged me:
- I am fatter, by far, than I have ever been since marrying The Hammer. If I were her, I would demand a refund.
- I am a pound lower than my estimate. Which is kind of like having lost a pound. Which is something to celebrate, right?
- I am going to have the slowest year of cycling ever if I don’t lose some weight
- I am right back where I was when I started writing my blog
Things Done In A Particular Order
Knowing that I needed to take this seriously and make a commitment that I would not back out of, I did what any modern social media-ized person who wants to lose some weight would do, in the following order:
- I decided what weight I wanted to get down to. That was easy. 158 pounds by the beginning of the season. 153 pounds by August.
- I decided how long it should take to lose that first 25 pounds. I did this by using the very scientific method of saying, “three months sounds about right.”
- I added a weight tracker to the sidebar of my blog, which I will update (and have been updating) daily. Check it out; you’ll see it right there.
- I took “Before” pictures, both front- and side-views. I am not presenting these for you to view, because I like you too much. Also, I am observing the time-honored tradition of not showing off a “before” photo until you have a decent “after” photo to show along with it. Which gives rise to the question: what do you suppose is the ratio of “before” photos to “after” photos in the universe? (My guess: 20:1)
- I tweeted about my current weight and announced my intention to lose weight. And I announced this weight loss resolution on January 1, which makes me the biggest Twitter cliche in the whole world.
The Bet Is On
All of this went according to plan. However, a wrinkle in my plans occurred shortly after I tweeted my intentions:
Hmmm. Interesting. A weight loss contest, where each of the contestants starts from the same place and is working toward the same goal, on the same timeline.
We commenced to negotiating, and wound up with the following terms:
- We both have until 3/30 to get to 158lbs.
- If BOTH of us get to 158, we both win and are happy, and should probably reward ourselves by buying something nice (like a pair of really expensive bibshorts).
- If ONE of us gets to 158, that person is the winner, and the loser must buy the winner a pair of ASSOS bibshorts of the winner’s choosing.
- IF NEITHER of us gets to 158, we each must purchase a pair of ASSOS bibshorts for Jim, a guy I’ve never met in person but follow in the blog universe, as well as on Twitter. I put this rule in here so that if both of us fail we still suffer the consequence of having to buy someone else a pair of very expensive bibshorts, compounded by the agony of knowing that this guy didn’t do anything to get even one pair, much less two.
- I’ll tweet my weight daily, and will include a running track of my weight in my blog sidebar. Adam will keep me apprised of his weight by tweeting it daily.
Why Assos?
You may be wondering why the contest centers around Assos bibshorts. The reasons are pretty good, actually.
First, because I have a little history with Assos, and thought it would be funny to center a contest around it. I’m sure Dr. Michael Lämmler would approve.
Second, because I would actually really like to try out a pair of Assos bibshorts. I can’t even tell you how many times people have approached me and said, “I know you hate Assos, but their shorts are the best.” The thing is, though, I don’t hate Assos. I’m totally neutral on them (a little Switzerland joke there), because I’ve never had any Assos item (except the chamois creme, and a too-large jersey, signed by Alexandre Vinokourov [yes, really]).
If you read what I’ve written about Assos, I’ve never attacked their products. I have done it was a teardown on their ad. I have done a teardown on Velonews’ craven advertorializing for Assos). But I haven’t attacked their clothes. In fact, I’d like to try out their shorts, just to see if they’re as great as people tell me.
That said, I simply cannot see myself paying that kind of money for shorts. I just can’t.
So, if I win this contest, I get a pair of Assos bibshorts for free, which seems pretty awesome. And if I lose, I have to spend the money on a pair of those shorts, but then don’t even get to wear them.
Are you beginning to see the strength of this incentive?
No? Oh well.
My Weight Loss Strategy
So here I am, 1640 words into a blog post about my new weight loss plan, and I haven’t even mentioned how I plan to lose weight.
That’s because I’ve talked about that strategy before: Egg whites and avocados. Hey, it works for me.
However, there are a few things that are worth mentioning here in conjunction with this plan.
- I now put a little bit of cheese on the egg whites. I read somewhere that this doesn’t affect weight gain or loss. Honestly. And it makes the whole thing taste so much better.
- Sometimes instead of avocados, I include a yolk. Just to mix things up a bit.
- I’m using yolks for disaster prevention, too. Sometimes, when I can feel that my hunger is escalating beyond a dull rumble to a consciousness-dominating roar, I go ahead and cook myself a batch of eggs with two egg yolks, then still add avocados. If I fight back the hunger now with some extra good calories now, I head off the certainty of a binge later.
- Dinner is different: I’m having regular dinner with my family. Last night we had salmon, saffron rice and peas. Tonight, spaghetti and meatballs. Tomorrow night, chicken fajitas. I do not allow myself more than a fist-sized amount of carbohydrate in the dinner meal, though. I am not cutting carbs out of my diet, just cutting way back.
- I go to bed early and get plenty of sleep. This has a few different benefits. First, whenever I’m sleeping, I’m not eating. Second, if I don’t get enough sleep, I’m irritable and grouchy, and I know that I tend to eat more when I’m grouchy: angry eating. And third, if I get enough sleep, I put more into my exercise.
- I expect things will go badly at some point. Right now I’m totally focused and dedicated, just like I am at the beginning of any big weight loss effort. This time, though, I’m anticipating the certainty that at some point I’ll fail. I’ll have a bad day or will be at some conference where we go out to eat and my willpower completely implodes. I am specifically allowing five of these events during this project. Which means that when I have a bad day, I haven’t failed. I’ve just used one of my three tokens. This is a useful way to counteract the “Oh well, I’ve screwed up, may as well give up” impulse.
- I expect things to go really badly this week in particular. I’m stuck in a conference room from early morning to late afternoon, with a nearly infinite number of snacks. Including many that I find pretty much irresistible. I was pretty good (about a 6 on a 1-10 scale) on the first day of the long meeting, but I don’t honestly have much in the way of weight-loss expectations for the rest of this week.
For exercise, during the winter I’m spending an easy hour on my
Kinetic by Kurt Rock and Roll Trainer
(that’s what The Hammer got me for Christmas) or rollers, then going out with the family, walking the dog (often marching in the snow, which is a pretty good workout). As the weather gets better, I’ll step up the intensity. Right now, I’m just burning calories and rebuilding a base.
Or possibly I’m just feeling too lazy to really go hard at it.
Hey Kids, Try This At Home
In the past I’ve done weight loss competitions as part of this blog. The problem is, they take a lot of work, and I am indescribably lazy. Or hungry. Yes, right now I’m definitely more hungry than lazy. Either way, though, I’m not going to orchestrate a big weight loss competition this year.
However, if you would like to — in the comments — post how much you’d like to lose, maybe you’ll find someone who would like to join you in a head-to-head competition, for a prize you determine. At which point, you’ve got yourself some brand new motivation to start losing some weight.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go eat another five eggs, while furiously avoiding making eye contact with the ENTIRE LOAF OF BREAD I really want to eat.
Comments (91)
« Previous Page — « Previous Entries Next Entries » — Next Page »
