03.22.2012 | 7:52 am
Oh, hi there! I wish I had time to write something good today, but I don’t. Which is too bad, because I’ve got a good topic I want to write about and everything.
Which, when it’s winter and there isn’t a lot of riding to be had on a daily basis, is not that common of a thing to come by.
The thing is, I have a regular old job. And that job — like many jobs — gets pretty intense sometimes. And lately it’s gotten pretty intense a lot more often than it used to.
Almost as if they want me to work for my pay or something. The nerve!
Anyway, this is going to be a shortish post, and mostly interesting to people who are in the weight loss challenge. So, if you’re not in the weight-loss challenge, you might as well stop now and go read something else. Like maybe Dug’s blog. Or Rich Dillen’s.
Oh, and while you’re there, do me a favor and leave a comment that has nothing to do with the post. He’ll like that, I’ll bet.
Weigh-In Time
If you’re part of the weight loss challenge I started last week, you’re either at or coming up on your first week weigh-in.
Just click here to go to the Week 1 Weigh In topic and follow the directions. Should only take a minute.
Everyone should post their first week weigh-in by Sunday evening.
If you don’t, you’re not eligible for prizes this week. And not all prizes necessarily go to the biggest loser. Sometimes there’s a random prize, so even if you didn’t do great this week, you should definitely still post.
PS: Having been in a conference room with treats all over the place, as well as lunch being brough in all the time, I lost only two pounds this week. I’m at 171 even today.
PPS: I’ll be back Monday posting that thing I would have posted today if I had time. If I don’t forget what it was by then.
Comments (17)
03.20.2012 | 6:16 am
A Note From Fatty For People Who Forgot to Get Themselves a FatCyclist.com Jersey : Maybe you forgot to get in on the pre-order. Or maybe you’re new to the blog. Or maybe you weren’t thinking of flying the Team Fatty flag before, but now you are.
For whatever reason, you didn’t get yourself the heart-wrenchingly beautiful 2012 Fat Cyclist jersey.
Well, now’s your chance to fix that problem.
My good friends at Twin Six have just received a very limited number of Fat Cyclist jerseys, in both men’s and women’s sizes. With a 3/4 hidden zipper, the “WIN” slogan in pink on the back, and a classic look, this is definitely a jersey you should get. If you haven’t got one already, I mean.
Men, order here.
Women, order here.
A Note From Fatty About Today’s Post: Yesterday, I continued the conversation I’ve been having with Paul Guyot, Supervising Producer of the TV show Leverage. (My original post is here. His reply to that post is here.)
Today, I’m pleased to announce that Paul has already replied to me, with some terrific advice and useful tips that I plan to get around to reading (along with his other letter) while I’m on the plane to Portland.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it right now!
A Letter from Paul Guyot, Supervising Producer of Leverage
Attention, Mr. Nelson,
Once again, I appreciate the time and effort you’ve put forth in producing such a long-winded and unnecessarily in-depth letter. As before, let me stop everything I am doing right now, so I may address your latest set of concerns.
Regarding Your Hiring an Agent
I suggest you possibly wait until you have a more substantial role (or several) under your belt before worrying about a Hollywood agent.
Concerning Your “Stardom”
Yes, your stardom… while I understand your concern that such limitless fame may be distracting to the others on our show (the Oscar-winning movie star, the polarizing character from FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, one of the most well-known British comedy actors, etc., etc.) I don’t think we can “step up” security anymore than already exists – which I assure you is more than adequate for your intergalactic notoriety.
Interaction With Actors
Um… yeah. Let’s go step by step here. Slowly… the actors most likely will have no reason, nor interest in making eye contact with you. Especially after I have a meeting with them the day before you arrive, which was not on my calendar, but certainly is now. As to approaching you, again, I am sure they will have no trouble restraining themselves during their 12-hour work day.
As to your personal assistant… unfortunately, I cannot provide you with a personal assistant. I was going to lend you a Garmin GPS for your rental car, but now that may be off the table. You will just have to deal with handling all things Elden on your own during your ONE day of work. We at Leverage apologize for any inconvenience.
As to not remembering the actors real names and/or calling them by their character names, I would suggest the best way to eliminate this potential problem is to simply not speak to them. At all. For any reason. Ever. Not once.
Concerns About Timothy Hutton
And now one of my favorites — your concern about hurting Timothy Hutton’s feelings. Yes. Let’s see… while the idea of you walking onto our set with your arms full of evidence of the vast array of awards you’ve won — and let’s not forget your site stats! — is quite intriguing to the dark, vengeful, laugh-when-someone-trips side of me, I would recommend against it. Our sets are filled with lights and cameras and actors and crew members and that leaves very little room for your awards and stats, especially considering the incredible volume of said awards and stats.
Thus, if you leave this cornucopia of acknowledgements at home, there should be no potential fallout from our Academy Award-winning actor’s feelings being hurt.
Privacy Requirements (I.e., You Wanting a Trailer)
Excuse me for a moment while I step out of my office for some air…………………………… okay, thank you. As to your request for a trailer larger than all our actors put together, I am unable to grant such a request without first sticking a gun in my mouth and blowing my front derailleur out the back of my cassette.
And let me take this opportunity to say thank you for accepting my generous offer to have you on the show with so much humbleness and sincerity.
Paul Guyot
Supervising Producer (at least for now) for Leverage
PS – do you happen to have Bike Snob NYC’s number?
Comments (42)
03.19.2012 | 1:00 am
A Note From Fatty About Today’s Post: Last week, I wrote to Paul Guyot, a writer / producer for the awesome TV show, Leverage, about some terrific ideas I had for the show. He was kind enough, the next day, to write me back.
This, naturally, got me thinking about ways I can help this show even more. I present them now to both you and Paul, in the form of this very helpful open letter.
Dear Paul,
Thanks very much for your letter. I appreciate the spirit in which I assume it was given. Although, frankly, some of the details were a little confusing to me. I’m sure my agent will explain them to me, though.
Which reminds me: do you have a good recommendation for an actors’ agent? I figure I should probably get one if I’m going to start being on TV a lot.
Until I get that agent, though, I wanted to follow up with you regarding a number of personnel issues concerning my upcoming role on Leverage.
Concerns About Fans
As you are no doubt aware, Paul, I am quite famous. For example, I have won four Bloggies — one of them the coveted Livetime Achievement award! I have been featured in Bicycling Magazine so many times it’s difficult to count. I have been on a radio program.
I have even been the recipient of the “Best Blog” award at the Utah Social Media Awards program.
Because of such widespread, massive exposure, I have found it increasingly disconcerting to appear in public, where I am as likely as not to be accosted by fans, some who inevitably want an autograph, a photo, a discount rate on advertising on my blog, weight loss tips, or — weirdly — all of the above.
And while I love each and every one of my fans (and know most of them by name, because I’m that kind of guy), I’m afraid that while I’m “on set” at Leverage, this may become distracting.
Therefore, I’d appreciate it if you’d step up security while I’m there, so that I can focus on bringing the truly brilliant acting job I know I am capable of, without distraction.
Concerns About Actors
Now Paul, I don’t know how to state this next requirement without it seeming rude, so I hope you’ll take it in the spirit it is meant (i.e., not a rude spirit): this attention to security and my personal space does not extend merely to the public in general.
Specifically, I need to ask you to notify the other actors (i.e., “the cast”) on the show to refrain from approaching me or making eye contact, except for when we are rehearsing or being taped.
If I would like to speak with one of the cast, my personal assistant (I’m assuming you’ll provide me with a personal assistant) will notify them that they are allowed to approach me.
Partially, this is to help me with a problem I have: I can’t remember the other actors’ real names. I’m almost certain I’ll call them by the names they have in their current roles, and then they’ll laugh and I’ll be forced to tell them about how famous I am and that they shouldn’t be laughing at someone who beat out Bob Roll as the person Bicycling readers would most like to ride with.
Concerns About Timothy Hutton
There is, however, a more important problem: Timothy Hutton. Yes, I know he’s won an Academy Award. The thing is, you and I both know that Bloggies are pretty much the Academy Awards of bloggers, and I’ve won four of them.
So I’m a little bit worried that when I show him how award-winning, popular, and beloved I am (I plan to bring printed proof that I’ve won these Bloggies, along with the actual Utah Social Media Award trophy, and probably a printout of my site user statistics. And maybe some items from my personal clothing line), he’ll be astonished at how accomplished I am, and that will hurt his feelings.
And I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Not if I can help it.
Privacy Requirements
Due to my rather exceptional status as a beloved internet cycling blogger celebrity superstar who is also going to be on TV, I think it would not be out of line for me to request a larger trailer than everyone else. In fact, if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to have a larger trailer than everyone else put together.
This isn’t so much for me as it is for my bikes. I’ll be of course bringing my entire quiver of bikes. I just feel more comfortable around them. Besides, I’m sure the director will want to get multiple shots of my action scenes with me (or, sometimes, my stunt double) riding my different bikes, to see which one works best.
But also, I just like the idea of having a big trailer so I can take pictures of me in the entryway, and then tweet it (to my nearly 17,000 followers) with a caption, like “Me hanging out at the set, where I’m acting in a TV show. No big deal.”
I have a few more requirements I’d like to cover, but I’ll wait ’til you get these simple things out of the way before giving you your next group of tasks.
Again, I want to reassure you that I’m really enthused to be on Leverage, and am looking forward to really bringing the episode(s) I’m in to life!
Kind Regards,
The Fat Cyclist
Comments (21)
03.14.2012 | 2:41 pm
THURSDAY UPDATE FROM FATTY: Since I posted this late yesterday, I know a lot of people are just now seeing it. So: it’s totally cool to post your starting weight today (Thursday) as well as tomorrow (Friday), or Saturday. Thanks!
ANOTHER THURSDAY UPDATE FROM FATTY: I need some help with the phpBB forum from someone who is expert at it. Specifically, from someone who knows how to block the spam that’s already raining down on it. Email me if you can help.
A month or so ago, I posted that I need to lose weight. And I hinted that I had a good reason why. And I mentioned something about maybe doing a contest.
Then, at the beginning of this week, I announced that I’m going to get to be on the TV show, Leverage. (By the way, I’ve had several more exciting ideas about my appearance on that show and will post them tomorrow.)
Are you starting to connect the dots?
So here is my nightmare scenario: Everyone I know — family, friends, co-workers, and about 50,000 blog readers all check in as I liveblog the episode of Leverage I’m going to be on. I appear on screen — DVD recording, of course — and . . . I’m at my current weight.
Which appears to be even more than my actual current weight.
Which, just to be clear, is 173 pounds. Yeah, I’ve kinda let myself fatten up over the winter. A little (by which I mean, “a lot”).
Anyway, back to the scenario: Everyone looks at me on TV. Then they look at me in real life. Then they look at me on the screen again. Then someone speaks up.
“Dude. You really are the Fat Cyclist.”
Personal Motivation
So I need to lose weight. Before the middle of April. Like, ideally, 16 pounds (getting me back to my racing / modeling / TV-appearance weight of 158 pounds.
Plus, I’m running the Boston Marathon in the middle of April. I think it’d be nice if The Hammer didn’t have to wait for more than two hours at the finish line for me.
And in addition to all that, I would really like to start the bike racing season nice and light. Because I have set myself up for the most serious suite of races in my life. It’d be a shame if I sucked at all of them.
It’s time for me to get serious about losing some weight.
And maybe you’d like to lose some at the same time.
Maybe a cool contest would help.
Lose Weight, Fight Cancer, and Win Cool Stuff
So I’m proud to announce a four-week weight loss contest — starting tomorrow, and ending Friday, April 13. A nice, short, intense competition where you’ll do some good in the fight against cancer, you’ll motivate me to get to race weight by the time I’m on Leverage (and, the following weekend, racing the Boston Marathon), and — possibly — winning some cool stuff.
There will be prizes awarded every week, as well as a pretty awesome prize at the end.
And if you do better than I do, percentage-wise, I’m going to give you something pretty cool.
Of course, if I beat you, you’re going to have to give me a prize (don’t worry, I don’t think you’ll begrudge me it).
What Are The Prizes?
Well, the grand prize — the prize going to the person who loses the greatest percentage of their body weight by the end of the contest — is pretty awesome: an autographed copy of my book, Comedian Mastermind.
But not just autographed by me. Noooooo. It’s autographed by every single person on Team RadioShack Nissan Trek. Check it out:
I am pretty sure that there are not many objects in the world that are like this. And if you want, I’ll sign it too (also, if you want, I won’t sign it — your call).
Oh, and speaking of rare, signed objects, I’ve also got an alternate grand prize lined up. It’s something owned, worn, and signed by Lance Armstrong. No, not a yellow jersey. Those things are almost too common:
The Hall of LiveStrong, leading to the office in my house
So no. Not a yellow jersey. A pair of running shoes. Specifically, a pair of running shoes Lance wore ’til they were worn out. Then he signed them. Or will sign them. Since I just asked him to do this last night, I doubt he’s signed them yet.
Regardless, I’m pretty sure there are not many of those floating around on eBay.
[Side Note: Believe me, it was not an easy thing for me to approach Lance Armstrong and say, "Hey, Lance? Can I have a pair of your worn out running shoes, autographed?"
To which he replied (and I quote), "Uh…ok. You bet. When?"
Which is a pretty remarkable thing, really, when you consider that the vast number of replies he could have made. ]
But that’s not all.
There will also be other prizes given away to winners and other notable performers each week. For example, each week, I’m going to give away a box of Honey Stinger Waffles or Honey Stinger Energy Chews to the person who did the best that week.
You’ve heard of these, right? You know, only the best-tasting energy food that’s ever been made? So good, in fact, that I am at this very moment resisting the urge to climb two flights of stairs (my office is in the basement, my Honey Stinger stash is in my second-floor bedroom) and dig into them for some recreational snacking?
Yeah. Those Honey Stingers.
But that’s not all. Either.
Each week, to some random participant who has lost at least some weight that week, I will give a $36 gift certificate to Twin Six, which is plenty of money to get you a t-shirt, not to mention shipping. Or it’s enough to make a jersey a ridiculously good price. Or it’s enough to get you three pair of the same kind of socks, so when you lose one sock, you don’t have to throw the other one away; just keep it ’til you lose the next one, and you’re back to a good place again.
And there will be other prizes. But I’m not going to tell you what those prizes are.
Not yet, anyway. Because frankly I haven’t contacted everyone I need to to get the other prizes in place. Because I’m lazier than the average blogger, that’s why.
But I will tell you that anything I give away is worth having. Really worth having.
But prizes don’t go only to the absolute winners in this contest. Nosirree. They also go to anyone who manages to beat me.
Namely, if you beat me (meaning if you lose a greater percentage of your weight than I do by April 13) — I’ll comp your entry into the 2012 100 Miles of Nowhere.
That’s a $95.00 value, folks.
But if I beat you, you have to donate another $25 to my LiveStrong page.
Sounds like an intriguing competition, doesn’t it? Darn right it does.
Here’s how it works.
Step 1. Pay Your Dues
The first thing you’ve got to do with this contest is show you’re serious about it. You’ve got to pay an “entry fee,” of sorts.
In this case, the entry fee is you need to make a $25.00 donation at my LiveStrong Boston Marathon Challenge page. That’s your way of saying, “I’m not just idly entering this. I’m giving something up to do this. And also, I’m helping LiveStrong help people fight cancer.”
Step 2. Weigh Yourself
Weigh yourself tomorrow morning. And when you do it, do it honest. Don’t load up on water or anything to set yourself up with a padded start weight. I’m not. Let’s all play this honestly.
Step 3. Create a Topic For Yourself in the Forum
I just launched a bare-bones forum at forum.fatcyclist.com. You need to register for it, then create a topic for you and your weight loss progress. Here’s how:
- Go to the Forum Registration Page and agree to the terms. (I have never read the terms, and suggest you don’t read them either). Fill in the registration stuff and get yourself all properly registered and everything.
- Go to the Weight Loss Pages in the Forum and click the New Topic button.
- For the subject, enter your user handle or name. Whichever you’re going to use. But if you use a user handle instead of a name, send me an email with your name AND user handle, so I’ll be able to verify that you paid your registration dues.
- In the message, enter your starting weight. And anything else you’d like to.
- Go back to the Weight Loss Pages in the forum and check out what other people have set for their starting weights. Maybe reply to some of them. Encourage folks. Be nice. Let’s be cool and helpful and friendly and stuff, OK?
And that’s all you’ve got to do for now. If you’d like to enter interim weights, during the upcoming week, you can reply in your own topic with new weights. Or you can be all mysterious and not say anything ’til next week.
And it’ll go on like that for a month.
Easy, huh?
Step 5. Start Losing Weight
OK, now for the fun hard part: losing weight. I’m planning to be incredibly dedicated, and will post my weight every day. I’ll also be checking others’ threads and posting encouragement. Because I would love to see as many people as possible do great at this.
Step 6. Keep Losing Weight
I’ll be posting directions on how to do the math for your percentages lost, and when to post updates. Specifically, Wednesday next week I’ll go into what you need to do to enter your first weekly weigh-in, and by Thursday next week you need to have posted the results of your weigh-in.
This contest is going to be fun. And there’s going to be great stuff for you to win. And it should give you (and me!) a great reason to get started on getting rid of those Winter pounds.
So: ante up now. And then sign up. And good luck!
PS: Is there anyone out there who would like to be my helper / tracker on this game? Because I think I’m going to need some help. Email me if you’re willing to put some time in doing math and entering numbers. Thanks!
PS: I’ve got a math helper volunteer now. Thanks, David!
Comments (61)
03.13.2012 | 10:50 am
A Note from Fatty: In yesterday’s post, I announced that I — as an award-winning celebrity cyclist megablogger on the internet — have been invited to star in an episode of Leverage. Well, Paul Guyot, Writer and Producer at Leverage, has taken the time to reply to my letter.
Isn’t that nice of him?
Dear Elden,
Good to hear from you. I would love to clarify some things from your open letter response to my closed letter invitation… by the way, no need to address “everyone else at Leverage,” as we have over 200 cast and crew members who are all working very hard and when they have to stop to read a letter listing a myriad of requests that frankly, will only frustrate and annoy them, well, it just slow things down.
But I understand this is all probably foreign to you, so let me see if I can help.
Hair : Um, your hair, or lack of hair, is not really an issue. The role I invited you to play is simply a quick and fun little walk-on. You would most likely ride up on some sort of Fixie, hand a package to one of our actors, have them sign it, and be on your way. I could perhaps create a little “business” for you to do with said actor, but that would be determined on the day and involve variables such as how the actors are reacting to you, how close we are to being on schedule, and what would be in the best interest and least disruptive of the creative process.
Therefore, your hair is fine the way it is. Or your head, rather.
Beard : Again, Elden, the beard issue falls into the same category as the hair issue. Not really relevant or necessary. As to the grayness of it all, our makeup and hair professionals will most likely be dealing with our actors who perform on the show every week and will probably not have time to deal with “de-grey-ifing” your beard.
With beard or without, you will look just fine for the very brief scene.
Weight : Honestly, any sort of text graphic at the beginning or end of a show costs money. And there are strict guidelines as to what can and cannot be added. I think your best bet here is to put your own disclaimer on your own blog the day before the episode airs.
Diction : James Earl Jones is not available, I’m sure. Even if he is, I do not think the studio or network will pay to have a man of his reputation and excellence brought in simply to overdub a day player. A “Day Player” is an actor who comes in to work on a show for one day. One day.
Speaking of which, the reality of this is that you do not have to worry about diction problems since you most likely will not be speaking in your scene. I originally thought you might, but some recent events have caused me to rethink the situation. This should assuage your vocal concerns and give you comfort.
Breath: I think your breath concerns can be addressed in my response to your diction concerns. That said, I have no problem letting the cast and crew know of your affliction, and making sure there is ample Binaca on set.
Face asymmetry : No. Our FX department is swamped with… just, no.
Appearance Trademark : I am confident Mr. Tucci has not trademarked the way either of you look.
Plot Suggestions
Mr. Nelson, while I appreciate the amount of time and energy you’ve spent on these ideas, the writing department at Leverage is quite competent and probably has a better grasp on just what the show is. Also, please refrain from sending any more story ideas, as due to the litigious nature of our society, anything you submit to me immediately becomes unusable in any way, shape or form. Meaning, if your blind squirrel of an idea-making brain manages to locate a nut lost somewhere in one of your rambling sentences about something completely unrelated to said nut, we would not be able to use it.
I hope I have put you at ease and look forward to seeing you in Portland.
Respectfully,
Paul
PS with regards to your being a recurring character in the show: Why don’t we put a pin in this idea and perhaps come back to it around Season 7 or 8?
Comments (41)
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