Years and years ago (2008), I had a terrible idea: I bet a bunch of Fat Cyclist readers that I could ride my rollers for 100 miles. A lot of you took me up on that bet, and I raised around $1,000 for LiveStrong — and had a story to tell.
A year later, I did it again. But this time a bunch of you joined in, each of you donating generously for the privilege of riding your bikes for 100 miles either indoors at your home or on a ridiculously short course near your house. Then you sent in your stories. And amazing videos.
And then, last year, the event got huge. 500 of you signed up, and we made a ton of money for LiveStrong to use in supporting people in the fight against cancer. Many sponsors sent in awesome stuff, making the 100 Miles of Nowhere event one of the swaggiest events ever.
And for a couple of days, I got to post the incredible stories you sent in.
Now it’s 2011, and the single-most common email question I get is “When Is the Next 100 Miles of Nowhere?”
Well, it’s high time you get some details.
What Is The 100 Miles of Nowhere, And Why Should You Do It?
The idea of the 100 Miles of Nowhere is to ride an infuriatingly small course for 100 miles (or 50, or 25, but ideally 100), to fight cancer and to show you have no sense at all. The profits from your race registration go to LiveStrong, to help them as they help people, worldwide, in their battle against cancer.
The 100 Miles of Nowhere is a race without a place. It’s an event in which hundreds of people participate . . . all by ourselves.
You’ll have fun. You’ll be miserable. And, thanks to the fact that there won’t be hundreds of people all over the place, you almost certainly won’t have to wait for fifteen minutes to use an overflowing portapotty.
And you get some pretty decent bragging rights. Namely, if you take some good pictures of you (and your friends) doing the 100 Miles of Nowhere and send me a good writeup, I’ll post it on the blog.
Also, you get to claim that you won your division . . . since you get to create your own division. For example, I am the three-year consecutive reigning champion of the “Alpine Men’s 40-45 on Rollers” division. Which is a pretty big deal, if you ask me.
Most importantly, though, is the fact that you’re joining Team Fatty in our ongoing fight against cancer. And that matters.
So when do you sign up, and when’s the race? Well, here are the dates you need to know:
Event Registration: April 11 – 18. Be certain that you register ASAP. Like last year, I expect this year to sell out again this year. Registration will be $85 this year.
Race Day: June 4. But many people have emailed me saying that date doesn’t work for them, and they’d like to do it a day or two (or week or two) earlier or later. That is perfectly fine. But if you can do the 100 Miles of Nowhere on June 4, please do. For solidarity.
Stories: Please send your race stories as soon after the race as possible. Like, the same day if you can. Any stories received after June 6 probably won’t make it into the blog (unless they’re so awesome I simply cannot resist).
The Sponsors and The Swag
Here’s a true fact: If I were to call you on the phone right now and ask you to give me something, you’d almost certainly give it to me.
That’s one of my superpowers: asking for stuff.
Luckily for you, I use this power for good, not evil. At least 80% of the time, anyway.
Specifically, I’ve used my superpower of asking several companies I like to send you some great stuff. Here’s what you’ll be getting:
Twin Six: The Event T-Shirt: My good friends at Twin Six are currently hard at work designing a cool T-shirt you can proudly wear to proclaim that you don’t have a lick of sense and therefore chose to ride your bike for 100 miles without going anywhere. The design isn’t done, but check out this sneak peek:
A Race Plate: My favorite souvenir of races is the race plate I get to put on my bike. The Runner and I like to staple them to the wall in the garage. So this year I’ve asked Bike Monkey — the folks who promote and run the amazing Levi’s GranFondo — to design a race plate you can attach to your bike. You know, so the fans will be able to recognize you.
PRO Bars : I am totally addicted to PRO Bars — it’s just amazing how much better than normal energy bars they taste. Nuts, fruit, berries — they’re just good (and they’re vegan, which I believe will make at least some of you happy).
And now PRO Bar is introducing Halo bars, “The Sinfully Healthy Snack,” which you’ll be getting in your swag box.
These are so new that I haven’t even tried one yet. But I have a suspicion I’m going to like them.
An Issue (and special subscription rate) of Bike Monkey Magazine: Tired of biking magazines that teach you the same 15 tips and tricks, over and over and over, year after year? Or that review stuff you’ll never even consider buying? Then you’ll enjoy Bike Monkey, a magazine that’s about people, bikes, and rides. I dig it, and hopefully will someday be good enough to write for it.
You’ll get a free issue of Bike Monkey with your swag box, as well as a great discount offer in case you decide to subscribe. Which you should.
Leverage : True story. As I was killing time in the Chicago airport with a co-worker, he mentioned his favorite show is Leverage — an action-packed show about a group of thieves who run cons to help people who have nowhere to turn.
I downloaded an episode, and it quickly became one of my favorite shows for while riding the rollers.
Then — in a coincidence of awesome proportions — I found out that Paul Guyot, a Friend of Fatty and frequent commenter, is actually a writer/producer for Leverage. He hooked me up to the show, and now you’re going to get a coupon to download an episode for free. Huzzah!
Banjo Brothers Seat Bag: You know who the first advertiser I ever had was? You know who the first company that ever did giveaways with me was? In both cases, it was Banjo Brothers, a small company making great bags for cyclists. I have their Seat Bags on every single bike I own — both road and mountain.
This year, Banjo Brothers will be supplying a variety of different seat bags for the 100 Miles of Nowhere. Which will you get — the Mini, the Small, the Medium, or the Large? You won’t know ’til you get your box.
Surprises are awesome.
And a free bike bag is even awesomer.
If that’s possible.
DZ-Nuts: DZ Nuts returns for a third year as a sponsor of the 100 Miles of Nowhere. Awesome. If you use chamois cream, it’s high time you try DZ-Nuts. If you have never tried chamois cream, I cannot think of a more perfect time to begin. As I have noted in my review, this is good stuff.
Seriously, if you’re going to be riding your bike for 100 miles and not going anywhere while doing it, you should at least be protecting your junk.
CarboRocket “Half Evil” CR333 : A couple years ago, my friend Brad told me about a new sports drink he had in mind: something powerful enough that you could drink it — and consume nothing else — long term, for however big your ride is.
Soon, had had invented “CR333″ — because it has 333 calories per serving.
“You know,” I said, “333″ is half the number of the beast. You should call it ‘Half-Evil’ in your tagline.”
In my defense, I didn’t honestly expect him to take me seriously.
Taglines notwithstanding, CR333 is amazing. You seriously can go all day with it. No upset stomach, no bonk. And 100 Miles of Nowhere racers will be the first people in the world to get to try out the new single-serve packets, in both raspberry and lemonade.
Winchester Bars: What’s the antidote to yet another energy gel or energy chew or whatever? Meat-ergy is, that’s what.
Since getting a couple of boxes of these Winchester Beef and Cranberry bars, both the Runner and I have become huge fans. They’re like jerky, but with cranberry to give both taste and texture variety.
I was kidding when I wrote my original “Meat-ergy” post, but I’m not kidding at all when I say that these are fantastic. And if you’re a vegetarian, you can give yours to someone who isn’t. They’ll be glad you did. (And I’ll leave you to consider the ethical considerations of a vegetarian giving meat to someone.).
My 100 Miles of Nowhere Plan (You Should Join Me If You’re Local)
I plan to make an event of the 100 Miles of Nowhere. On June 4, starting around 5:00am, The Runner and I are going to ride the Suncrest hill as many times as necessary to do 100 miles. We plan to ride from the Alpine City Park to the top of the South Side of Suncrest, then down to the bottom of the North side of Suncrest. That’s 10 miles, with 1225 feet of climbing.
Then, of course, we’ll retrace our steps. So one complete out-and-back is 20 miles, with 2500 feet of climbing.
Which means, after 5 laps, we’ll have ridden 100 miles and climbed around 12,500 feet.
That’s a whole lotta nowhere.
We’ve asked some friends to join us, so there’ll be at least five other people doing this ride with us. And we’d love to have any local riders who want an intense day of riding — and climbing — nowhere to join us.
Of course, if our route seems too mild, you could just do the North side of Suncrest, over and over. By my calculations, that should — in 15 laps — give you 100 miles and 18,375 feet of climbing. That would be a pretty amazing claim to fame.
I’ll post more details soon. But if you’re local, mark your calendar: June 4 is the 100 Miles of Nowhere @ Suncrest.
It’s gonna hurt.
What Are You Going to Do for the 100 Miles of Nowhere?
So, now you know when you need to register. You know how much it’ll cost. You know what’s going in the bag.
Now you need to ask yourself, “What course am I going to ride?” You see, when I originally created the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I simply thought of it as 100 miles on my rollers. But readers took the idea and came up with much more creative and interesting ways to ride 100 miles. On a unicycle. Around a roundabout. On an aircraft carrier.
So I’d like to have you post in the comments section your idea for what kind of course you’re planning for the 100 Miles of Nowhere. And are you going to be riding it yourself? Or with a large group?